Sacrifices
by Enthralled
Summary: When Edward left Bella, he did so in the hopes that she would have a happy, human life. What would happen if she did just that, but it turned out that things didn't go as either of them planned? Edward & Bella AU
1. Prologue

Prologue: Reunion

I was early for my first class, as always. I found that it was easier, in case of any unforeseen issues. I parked my car in the faculty parking lot, turning off the engine before I gathered my bag and prepared to start a new semester. Everything was the same as always; the weather warm for early September, students dressing in shorts and t-shirts, backpacks slung over their shoulders with maps and schedules in their hands.

I found it necessary to pass through the main registration building, in order to pick up the ever changing class roster of students I would have for the fall semester. Freshmen students were notorious for changing their minds several times before finally deciding on a permanent schedule. Most new students would try to knock out some of their more mundane required classes early in their academic career, to ensure that when the time came, they could be accepted into the more distinct college of their choice. What do you want to be when you grow up? A teacher, a writer, a doctor, a business man?

This semester was no different. No different. That thought used to depress me, but the idea of things never really changing at this point was something that I had come to accept – at least somewhat. I taught several classes at this university – English 101 and Basic Composition among them, one or both being required for every student that had been accepted here. This semester, I also had snagged the opportunity to teach a classic literature course.

My classes were almost always full, though students did tend to drop further into the semester, when they found the rigors of college life begin to catch up with them. Some of the excuses I would get later in the semester would make me chuckle – some of my students could be so incredibly creative. Now, if only they could get their work done! Again, this semester would be no different…

Although it was a warm, late summer day, it had been rainy and rather overcast, which was fine with me. I had applied to work for this university with a full understanding of the weather and its available amenities. Where I was suited me just fine – I could do what I needed and still adjust my life accordingly.

The campus itself was older, although historic, with many renovations in the works. Updated computers, more modern bathrooms, larger workspaces and classrooms – a new library was being built, thanks to a generous donation from an alumni who had recently passed away. The idea of a more modern library thrilled me and also allowed me the opportunity to catch up on reading some of the newer books that students had suggested to me sent a thrill of anticipation through me. I had always loved to read and having access to a large library would only spur that love forward.

I glanced at my watch. It was 4:15. I had a little over an hour until my first class. As I entered the registration office, I found it buzzing with activity. Hundreds of students trying to add and drop classes – some finding their work schedules would not accommodate them or finding they had missed out on certain pre-requisite courses they needed prior to advancing to higher level curriculum. It never changed – several student employees looked either helpful or annoyed while they tried to help other students accomplish their goals.

It might have been enjoyable to stop for a minute and people watch, but I had a schedule to keep and needed to drop in at the office to let people that I was still alive. Teaching night courses and administering several online classes sometimes led to the impression that I was more of a ghost than an adjunct professor here. It was important for me to make an appearance and remind people that, in fact, I did exist and was a part of the professional staff.

I looked over the available spots in my schedule of students and laughed to myself. Almost every spot filled – late registration still had a few days to go, and I would be loaded to the hilt with new students! I knew then it would only be a matter of time before students came begging for overrides. That was okay with me. My department chair and boss never understood my willingness to allow so many students into any one section of the classes that I taught, but I was always ready for more students. The more students I had, the more work I had and that kept me focused. Kept my eyes on the goal. Kept me from thinking about the past too much. The more the merrier was my motto at this point. Anything at all to keep my mind busy. Anything.

While I crossed the registration barrier to head to the front desk and requested the most recent class rosters assigned to me, I had, for a fleeting moment, felt that I was being watched. It's possible that someone did have their eyes fixed on me. There were literally more than 200 people in the commons area of the registration office. Every _someone_ had to be looking _somewhere_. However, it was an eerie feeling, one that wouldn't let go. Just then, I caught a whiff of someone that I hadn't seen or heard from in some time. I thought to myself, _this isn't happening. You're just not focusing. Get a grip on yourself!_

I thanked the student employee who handed me my paperwork and was about to turn and head to my office when I saw a small, raven-haired beauty rush at me with almost Olympic speed. She grabbed me ever so gently before enveloping me into an almost rib-crushing hug. She released me, only to place a small kiss on my cheek. She had the biggest grin on her face, looking so happy, but then, just as quickly, her smile faded. A mixture of sadness and confusion spread to her beautiful, pixie-like features. She stood in front of me, looking exactly as she had when I had last seen her almost ten years earlier. Not since that horrible but fateful night…no phone calls, emails; no visits to let me know what had happened. She hadn't even said goodbye. Still, I couldn't help but look at her and mutter,

"Hello, Alice."


	2. Chapter 1: Starts

Chapter 1: Starts

"Bella…" Alice started, too loud for my liking.

"Not here, Alice," I responded, a hushed whisper in my voice that I alone knew she could hear. I instantly tried to extricate myself from her grasp.

"I don't understand. You're the same, but…" she responded, tightening her grip on me to prevent me from escaping, I assumed.

"Alice, I can explain everything. But, please," I pleaded with her, "not here. Let's go somewhere more private," I urged her so silently that no one else would be able to hear. Or so I thought.

_He_ was there then, standing no more than five feet from me. _He_ was here, right in front of me. I could smell him, could feel his beautiful eyes boring into me. So many memories, so many feelings long thought gone came flooding back to me, making me almost swoon from the overwhelming barrage of emotions that were starting to take hold. How could a simple day, like any other day, suddenly go so wrong? I was afraid to look up from Alice to meet his gaze before Alice spoke again.

"Bella," she started.

"NOT here," I whispered back. "Please, I'm begging you." I would explain everything; I just needed her to stop talking before someone overheard us and I would need to do major damage control or risk having to start all over again.

"Fine, but when can we talk? Things aren't making any sense right now, and I'm not letting you go without talking about it, not after all this time," she started to explain.

Just then, another familiar face came from behind Alice. Jasper. I managed a small, but polite smile in his direction. He looked pained to see me, but offered his hand as a greeting. I took it and shook it gently, before addressing him.

"Jasper." I started, "Well, this is certainly starting to become a reunion of sorts."

"Bel-" he started.

I cut him off.

"Look, I have an hour before my class. I can't possibly explain or answer all of your questions in that time, but I can at least start. Will that suffice for now? I can't possibly stress to you both how difficult this will make things for me if I start this conversation in the middle of a crowded reception area. Will you please follow me? I promise you'll get all the information that you need." I thought. Just then I thought, _but do they even want it or even care?_

"Hello." His velvet voice carried over to me, snapping me out of the haze that had begun to take hold of my brain, allowing the panic to begin to set in. Without thinking, I looked up at him. The emotions coming at me were overwhelming, like I had just been hit by a semi. He looked exactly the same, so beautiful. He held paperwork in his hands, his long pale fingers fidgeting with each piece absent mindedly. His focus never left my eyes for a second. I had no idea how long we stood there, looking at each other. I knew that he would look exactly the same – the tall, lean figure, the messy, bronze colored hair and his piercing topaz eyes. The look in his eyes was impossible to decipher, but otherwise, he hadn't changed a bit. Hadn't aged – not that he would have, considering what he was. He looked exactly the same as that day when he left me in the forest, when my real life ended forever.

"Hello, Edward." I responded. "You, of course, are also welcome to join us. We had better get moving, before Alice starts jumping out of her skin. My office is in the next door building. _Please_ follow me." I tried to sound professional, as I was acutely aware that several students and staff began staring at the three beautiful beings standing with me, as if I knew them. I wanted to avoid any type of introduction. What could I say?

_Hello. This is Edward and Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale. I've known them since high school, where I fell in love with Edward, whose entire family is a coven of vampires. He left me after his brother tried to kill me the night of my eighteenth birthday…_

_STOP IT! _I was screaming at myself internally before I finally got a grip on myself. If the situation arose, I would simply introduce them as high school acquaintances. Nothing more, nothing less. That is what I was to them. More pressing at the moment was the onslaught of questions that I knew would be coming from Alice.

We walked quickly through the building, me pausing just a moment to look outside. When I realized that the rain had started again, I quickly produced an umbrella for Alice and myself and stepped out into the fresh air. My senses started to clear and I headed off toward the building that housed my office. All four of us walked together in silence.

We entered the building, and I paused only for a moment to greet the front desk reception staff. Both the student employee and full-time staff member looked up at me and then noticed my companions. It was easy to see the admiration in their eyes as they took in their beautiful faces. I stifled a giggle before I spoke.

"Hello Kimberly. Hello Janice. Welcome back!" I started, trying to look and sound as unstressed as possible. "I need to not be disturbed for just a few minutes before class. Please don't allow anyone back just now. I would really appreciate it."

"Of course, Elizabeth. We were getting ready to close up shop for the night anyway. Do you need us to stick around?" Janice answered, looking at me expectantly.

It was always an unspoken rule to not be left alone with students, simply for safety's sake. I stifled another laugh before responding, "I'll be fine. Have a nice evening and I'll see you at the meeting tomorrow."

That seemed to satiate her. She still looked a bit dazed by Jasper and Alice. And Edward. How was I ever going to get through this?

I then started forward to my office, the other three following in complete silence. I fished my keys from my purse to open my rarely used office, when suddenly I realized they had dropped from my hand. In a flash, _HIS_ hand caught them and handed them back to me. His skin touched mine for a brief second, a shock flying through my system, causing me to involuntarily take in a sharp breath. It brought back so many memories from high school…that day in the high school parking lot; the first time he touched me in biology, though it was completely unintentional. I fought to push those memories from my mind. I tried, in vain, not to wince as I took the keys back and started unlocking the door and switching on the light.

"Thank you," I uttered without looking up at him, but I could sense how close he was to me. I turned the key in the lock and opened the door, flipping on the overhead light. I motioned to the chairs sitting in front of my desk as well as the loveseat that sat against the wall, motioning for them to sit down. I removed my coat and set my belonging on the floor, next to my desk, before taking my own seat.

Jasper and Alice sat in two cushioned seats, facing opposite of me. Edward took a seat on the loveseat, leaning back, all the while staring intently at me. He sat as far away from me as possible - _that figures. I can do this, _I thought to myself. I quickly looked away and focused my full attention on Alice, who was barely containing herself while sitting forward in her chair, looking like she was about to pounce from her chair and pin me to the wall in her quest for information. Jasper gently put his hand on hers, and immediately, a sense of calm swept the room.

I hadn't felt that forced feeling in years and it caught me by surprise, before it began to seep into every cell of my body. "Thank you, Jasper. I think we all needed that," I said. I opened one of my desk drawers and pulled out a small remote, before turning on the small stereo in my office, turning the volume to something that would be appropriate, but keep prying ears from trying to listen in our conversation through the flimsy door. The strains of Chopin filled the office. I could delay this no longer.

I turned to Alice before I spoke. "I have an hour before my first class. I'm sure that you have many questions, but keep in mind that I most likely won't be able to answer them in the time I have. Alice, go ahead and start, before your head explodes."

Alice rose from her chair, her hands placed squarely on her hips and asked, "Bella, what happened to you?"


	3. Chapter 2: Questions

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Chapter 2: Questions

I knew that question was coming. I knew that no matter what, I couldn't avoid it. They sensed the differences in me before Alice had nearly tackled me in the registration building. I could see the questions in her eyes and she wanted answers. I looked at my old friend, feeling a need to fill her in, but at the same time, tremendous pain had started to fill my very soul as I stood there, looking at her. She, too, had left me. Did I owe her anything? The pain I had felt all those years was also because of her. No goodbyes. Nothing. I had grown to love her in such a little bit of time, and she left me without a second thought.

"Well, Alice, what do you think happened to me? It's obvious that all three of you already know the answer to that question. Why waste time on the obvious? What do you really want to know?" I answered her, unable to completely keep my voice even and without the obvious strain I was struggling to hide from them. I wouldn't let them see how much I was startled by all this, how deep those wounds still were.

"Bella," Jasper started, "we understand what happened to you. We just don't understand how. We're trying to get some clarity as to what happened after…your birthday," he answered me with a noticeable look of pain on his face. "It's just a bit of a shock. Would you mind clearing some things up for us?"

"Jasper, I'm afraid that's a very long story. Seeing as I have a class to teach very soon, wouldn't this conversation be better at a different time? What are all of _you_ doing here?"

I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from me and my situation. Anything to not be the center of attention.

I was surprised to hear his voice. He had only spoken one word since the beginning of this mess, but the sound of his voice still took my breath away. I turned to look at him, feeling it necessary to be polite while he addressed me.

"We just moved here. Carlisle recently took a position at the local hospital and we all wanted a break from the mundane existence of the local high school, so we thought that we would register for college and try to find something more challenging to take up our time. It's been some time since we've been part of a college community. Since we last saw you, we've spent time in less populated areas and attending college wasn't exactly a possibility…" Edward spoke before Alice interrupted him.

"Edward, you're leaving too many details out! I think I should take over the explanations from here." She turned to face me, before blurting out, "You see Bella, when we left Forks, it's was impossible to trust – " but then, Edward returned the favor by cutting Alice off.

"_ALICE_, that isn't really important right now." He shot her a look that silenced her immediately. "Bella, I have a question that might be easily answered in the little time that we have before us. Why did those women in the front office address you as 'Elizabeth'?" he finished, his eyes shining with unabashed curiosity.

My thoughts were in fast forward. _Yep_, he had caught that fact. When I looked to Alice and Jasper, it was easy to see that they, too, hadn't missed the fact that Janice had addressed me as Elizabeth. Of course they would. Nothing ever escaped their attention. Might as well get it over with and try to end this little reunion as quickly as possible.

"Well, 'Bella Swan' doesn't exist anymore. I'm known here as Elizabeth. Elizabeth Marston," I answered him, without looking in his direction, while I looked down at my desk. I couldn't trust my expression to not betray what was just below the surface.

"What do you mean 'Bella Swan' doesn't exist anymore?" Alice asked me, leaning forward in her chair once more, expectantly waiting for an answer. Jasper was also looking at me intently, not understanding what I had meant by that statement.

"Well, if you must know, to everyone that knew her, Bella Swan died a few years ago when her truck went off a cliff on the way to LaPush. A body was never found, but considering it was winter and the water was icy cold, everyone assumed she died and her body was swept out to sea. Does that answer things enough for all of you?" I finished, with a bit of impatience in my voice. I was hoping that information would be enough to satiate Alice, but even I knew better than that.

"LaPush?" Alice questioned. "What on earth would you be doing in LaPush?" she stated the question like she was shocked that I would have spent any time there at all. She had a hint of distaste in her voice, which she didn't try to mask.

"What would I be doing in LaPush? That's simple. I was saying goodbye to my ex-husband and baby girl for the last time," _at least one of them, anyway_, "before I had to disappear and start over again."

Silence. Not a word – not from any of them. Edward immediately stood and walked toward me. I immediately rose from my seat and stepped away from my desk and him, raising my hands in front of me, instinctively, as if to protect myself. I refused to be pitied. I had come this far and what had happened was in the past and didn't change anything at this point. It couldn't. It made no difference. I daily had to remind myself of these facts and make peace with myself that I was doing the only thing I could at this point. For her. I was doing this for her and nothing else mattered.

Edward froze in place and I lowered my arms before beginning again. "Well, I hate to cut this short, but I need to get to class. I have students waiting and it's the first night of the semester. I assume that the rest of your family is with you? Please send them my regards…" I started, but this time was cut off by Edward, who had an enraged look on his face, almost terrifying.

"_Isabella!_ Do you think that sorry excuse will suffice? Do you think that you're going to just walk out on us and not explain the whole story? I understand that you may have unpleasant feelings toward us," he had a sudden look of pain in his eyes, which quickly disappeared, and left me completely confused, "but I for one, along with the rest of my family would like to know what happened to you. It's obvious that you're like us now, that you're a _vampire_. We all sensed it the moment we stepped into the registration office. What we don't understand is _who_ did this to you?" he finished, his voice almost a roar by this point.

I picked up the remote again, turning up the volume of the stereo, before taking a step toward him, anger filling my eyes as well as my voice.

"This is my place of business and you will remember that when addressing me. I owe you nothing. You _will_ keep your voice down and remember that you are here because I allow you to be. You will _NOT _draw unnecessary attention to me. Do _you_ understand?" I finished, the last of my words rushing out so quickly, had my visitors not been what they were, they would have never understood what I had just uttered.

Just then, I heard a slight knock on the door. Everyone, including myself, stiffened. I called out, "Just a minute," before I gave Edward a glance that, I hoped, could have frightened the devil himself.

I stepped over to the door and answered it, to see both Kim and Janice standing outside my doorway, both looking visibly unnerved and uncomfortable.

"Elizabeth," Janice started, hesitantly, "we thought we heard something and were wondering if you were ok?" she finished before hurrying on to the next statement. "We know your evening class starts soon and we thought we would come remind you before we both headed out for the evening."

Both ladies looked a bit unsure as to what to do, so I did my best to calm them.

"Thank you both so much for reminding me. I hope we didn't frighten either of you. The conversation in here must have sounded alarming. " I tried to chuckle to lighten the mood, before continuing, "We were discussing favorite books and things do tend to get a bit heated at times. I should have mentioned that my guests are old family friends – no need to worry. I do apologize. Please feel free to head out and start your evening. I'm on my way to class. I was just saying goodbye– it was a surprise to see them here," I finished, injecting a tone that implied they could go and I would be perfectly fine. Even with three of them, I would be perfectly safe. Not that even _they_ would try anything. However, neither Kim nor Janice knew this and I wasn't about to enlighten them. Best to just get them out of here and moving along with my own schedule…but, would it be that easy?

"All right, Elizabeth." Kim addressed me, while casting a quick glance toward my three visitors. "Have a great first class and we'll see you tomorrow for the faculty meeting." It was obvious that she was trying to stress that if something happened to me, they had seen me with the Cullens and that they wouldn't hesitate to let someone know. If only Kim and Janice knew how brave they were…but I wasn't about to explain that to them.

They turned to leave and as they did, I faced the three individuals in my office and motioned for them to leave, as well. They were all standing at this point and were getting ready to quietly exit my office, which at this point seemed impossibly small. But before they were all out the door, Alice turned to me.

"Well, _Elizabeth_," she began with an obvious hint of sarcasm in her voice,_ "_we'll see you after your class. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie will be so pleased to see you this evening. We'll find you after your class, where we can all get together and catch up," she finished, a lightness to her tone and plenty of smugness in her smile. Jasper took her arm and the three of them left the room. Before Edward was completely out the door, he turned to me for a moment and it looked as if he had something to say, but then, just as quickly, he turned his gaze away from me and followed his siblings into the hall. Kim and Janice offered to show them out and I smiled at them appreciatively, before shutting the door to my office and slowly leaned against the door, as I slid to the floor.

I had mere minutes before students would be looking for me. I needed to get a grip on myself before facing an audience, but three things were incredibly clear to me at that moment.

First, the Cullens were back in my life, whether I was ready for that or not.

Second, I had a long night ahead of me, and it was easy to see that they would be expecting answers.

And finally, I was still in love with Edward Cullen. Ten years had done nothing to change that.


	4. Author

Author's Note:

OH MY GOSH! I read through my story on and realized that I made a _**grave**_ mistake!

I forgot to post chapter one! A rookie mistake, but I have reposted it and would ask my lovely readers to start from there. I believe it is a good chapter and really sets the tone of the story and how the characters have changed due to the choices made all those years ago when Bella left Edward.

I am so sorry. I should have been paying closer attention and I'm not entirely sure what happened, but look at it this way…I posted chapter five this morning and you all get a BONUS chapter of sorts. Again, I apologize for the confusion, but please go back and read it! It will give you some really good info that hopefully, will leave you wanting more!

THANKS!


	5. Chapter 3: Class

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Author's Note: I got a very nice review from IAmOnlyMe and they suggested that I let my readers know that this is Bella's point of view…thanks for the suggestion and I'll do my best to notate whose currently narrating the story. Initially, I intended to keep the narrator as Bella, just as Ms. Meyer has in her series, but I also know how all you fanfic junkies love something in Edward's perspective, as do I. If you would like to hear something from his perspective, please leave a review and let me know. I can write those up and post them when they will add important details to the story – I can't always guarantee that posting that type of information will add quality to the story I have planned.

IAmOnlyMe also thought that I should also give some details to the plot…I can only tell you that this story takes place ten years after Edward left Bella…and they have both been through a lot since that time – especially Bella. They both have consequences to deal with as a result of Edward's choice. The first part of the story is all about what happened to Bella, which may seem sad in several places, but there are some joyous moments and the story won't also be so full of angst and pain. Just stick in there with me! It WILL be worth it!

Also, thank you to silverdrip for two very positive and encouraging reviews. I never knew that reviews from perfect strangers could be so incredibly addictive. I have LOTS of this story written and will be updating regularly.

Thanks and happy reading!

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Chapter 3: Class

Bella's POV:

I quickly got a hold of myself and grabbed what I needed for my class. I left the office in a hurry and rushed as quickly as I dared to the classroom that had been assigned to me. I walked in with barely a glance at the students that had started to congregate. I found the class roster for that particular class when I sensed it, or rather smelled it. I glanced up and found Alice and Jasper sitting in the back of my classroom, not stirring, but looking at me, unwilling to even blink.

_Great. This is just what I need. Well, if they want to play, I can play too._

Remembering few details of my own college experience, I had looked fondly at the instructors who gave only the syllabus and gone over the requirements for the class before releasing their students to go home and enjoy the rest of their day. The real work could begin during the next meeting – it was like heaven, feeling like we were playing hooky, escaping the responsibility that would eventually find us. I was one of those instructors. I loved the look on my student's faces when I released them early from our first class session.

I wouldn't be one of those instructors this beautiful, summer evening.

I started calling off names from the list I had and when I finished, I looked around and asked if there had been any names that I missed. I looked pointedly in Alice and Jasper's direction, daring them to challenge me in front of a class of students, who were completely unaware of what creatures stood in their midst.

Alice spoke first. "Professor Marston, my brother and I would like to audit this class to see if it might interest us enough to take this semester. Would that be alright with you?" She slightly glared at me, daring me to start something right then and there, knowing full well that I wouldn't. The high lilt of her voice was disconcerting, considering the look on her face.

_Might interest us for the semester? Was she crazy? There was no way that Alice and Jasper would be taking any one of my classes for an ENTIRE semester. No, this cannot be happening!_

But, my more logical thoughts took over.

"Of course you may sit in for this class. We can discuss your registration, should you choose to stay, _after_ class. How does that sound to you?" I responded in kind, never letting the slight smile leave my lips. I would never let them witness how the current state of events was upsetting the delicate balance that I fought to maintain on a daily basis.

I knew exactly what they were doing. They were making it perfectly clear that our conversation from earlier in the evening was in no way over. That I wouldn't be able to just disappear into the night and not provide them with the answers they were so determined to get. Well, their infinite patience would be put to the test tonight. I would keep each and every student here, including Alice and Jasper, until the very last "official" minute of class.

I went through the syllabus and took questions. I quickly fell into a routine, answering the same questions I got from every previous class. I could quickly figure who would be my type-A students and those that would either drop or barely make it through the class with their passing "C". Not surprising was the fact that neither Alice nor Jasper uttered a sound during class. No doubt their thoughts were focused on what would transpire later in the evening.

This went on for some time until I looked up at the clock and realized that the students were long overdue for a break. I released them for ten minutes and erased the boards that I had already filled before taking a seat at the desk. As if on cue, Alice and Jasper approached me. I looked up at them warily before starting to speak.

"So, are you and your brother interested in taking the class? I'm not entirely sure I have additional seats to accommodate you, but it's possible that other students may drop. No need to make up your mind this evening, nor are you obligated to stay for the rest of tonight's class," I started before Jasper motioned that he had something to say.

"Professor, I just wanted to say that we'll stay for the duration of class. We can discuss things after that and see if you can accommodate our wishes, whatever they may be," he finished, looking at me cautiously.

_Crap! Can't anyone take a hint?_

Alice looked like she was stifling a giggle, knowing that they had me exactly where they wanted me. There was absolutely no way that I would start that discussion in my class.

I answered, "That will be fine. I'll speak with you both _after_ class. Enjoy the rest of your break," and with that, I went back to my notes, trying to dismiss them from my presence. They got _that_ not too subtle hint and rather than following the mass exodus of students from my room, they returned to their seats in the back row, speaking so quickly in hushed tones that no one else in the class would catch what they were saying. No one except me.

"Do you think we should call Carlisle and Esme?" Jasper started.

"I'm sure _HE_ already has," Alice answered, looking up at me.

"I suspect that Emmett will be excited to see her. I'm concerned about Rosalie's reaction, however. I have a feeling that we're in for a very long evening," Jasper finished, glancing at his watch, and keeping an even better eye on me.

"I can hear you, you know," I hissed. My annoyance was starting to seep through in my voice. I spoke low and fast enough that no one else would be able to hear, covering my mouth with papers from my desk, to keep anyone from noticing the motion.

Did they think I was going to run? Run where? I was a professional and students were starting to return to class, many of which were approaching me with questions and comments. I answered them, though half-heartedly. And even if I wasn't dedicated to my job, even I knew that I wouldn't be able to run from Alice. She wouldn't stop until she got what she wanted.

We reconvened and before I knew it, I had kept my students almost ten minutes past the end of class. I could see some of their faces looking exasperated and impatient.

"Oh my…I've completely lost track of time. I am so sorry. Let's wrap for tonight and I'll make this up to you another time…I promise. If you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to call or email me before the next class. Have a great night," I finished as students starting filing out. A few more students came forward with parting comments or quick questions, before I was face to face with Alice and Jasper alone. Or so I thought…

"Well, that was intriguing. You drew that out as long as you as you could, didn't you? But, you're an interesting lecturer, I'll give you that. No wonder every student in here stayed until the end. Some of their thoughts were rather interesting, but others…well, you might not want to know about that," Edward finished from the doorway.

I jumped slightly at his voice. I hadn't realized he was so close. I got control of myself and turned to face him, trying to mask my face of any underlying tension, other than annoyance.

"You know, if you wanted to a_udit_ this class, all you had to do was force yourself in like Alice and Jasper. No need for you to sneak around in hallways," I answered him, trying to turn up the level of irritation in my voice.

When I saw his face, it was completely overwhelming. I gazed upon his beautiful features - the messy bronze hair, his tall, lean body, and sculpted muscles under a simple button-down shirt and a pair of jeans nearly took my breath away. He leaned against the door frame, his arms folded across his chest, never once taking his eyes off of me. I had to force myself to turn away from him, before he could see how his presence affected me. Thank goodness I could no longer blush. He would have been instantly aware of my feelings and that could never happen. Suddenly, a strong wave of calm swept the room and I remembered Jasper's special gift. My mind stopped instantly in its thought process. Could he sense my feelings for Edward? Had I blocked him quickly enough? Was this night ever going to end?

"Thank you, Jasper, but I've had quite enough. Where would you like to do this? I really don't want to repeat this story more than once. It's something I don't really care to think about very often and I'm not prepared to go over all of this more than is absolutely necessary. I heard you both when you mentioned that _he,"_ my thumb jerking toward Edward without looking at him, "had most likely already called Carlisle and Esme. I would like to see them and say 'hello' in person, and then I'll answer most any question you might have. Will that work for you all?"

"Let's head over to the house now. Carlisle is due home from the hospital shortly and Esme cannot wait to see you, Bella. Rosalie and Emmett are there as well. Needless to say, everyone is surprised by recent events. Would you like us to drive you to the house or would you care to follow us with your own car?" Edward answered me, his voice, usually smooth, seemed somewhat stilted. His intense gaze was still focused on me, holding an emotion I still couldn't put my finger on. One moment it flashed pain, another sorrow, before returning to the same stone mask I had seen so many times before.

_No, I was imagining things. I remembered that day in the forest._

"_You're not good for me, Bella…Because I'm…tired of pretending to be something I'm not…"_

He no longer cared for me. If anything he may have felt guilt, but I had too much to focus on to piece together how Edward felt about me. Not that it mattered anyway.

_But, was I imagining things? Of course I am. I'm stressed out of my mind and dreading what I know is coming. I have no desire to tell my whole story, out there for the Cullens to pity me. No – let's just get this over with and everything can go back to normal. Just get through this night…._

"I'll follow you in my car. That way, I can leave when were finished and no one needs to be inconvenienced to bring me back. You all needn't worry that I'll try to lose you. I promised you answers. Let's just get this over with," I muttered, until Alice interrupted me.

"Bella, you don't have to do anything that you don't want to do. And, you're never an inconvenience. However, we would like to see you and find out exactly what did happen to you. I've missed you terribly and I'm so happy to see you again, regardless of the circumstances," she answered, moving toward me, motioning as if she was readying herself to hug me once more. Sensing no other humans around me, I moved away from her to the other side of the room, my motions a blur from the speed.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I'm just not ready for that. I hope you understand," I answered her, my arms crossing my chest, as if to not grant access to anyone. I tried to keep my face calm, but knew it was hopeless. I must have looked like a caged animal. I knew that I was starting to feel like one.

She looked terribly hurt, but instead of addressing me, she spun on her heel. Looking at Edward with anger, her eyes barely open, instead becoming two dark slits, she unleashed her fury on him, while she started to advance toward his presence in the doorway.

"This is entirely your fault! I hope you're happy with the choices you forced on _ALL_ of us. Look at what you've done. She won't even let me touch her!" she screamed at him, moving closer to Edward, looking like she was ready to strike her favorite brother. Jasper instantly moved to her side and I felt a strong wave of calm fill the room. She shook him off.

"Not now, Jasper! He needs to understand what a terrible mistake he made and my anger will help drive that point home," she screamed at her husband, unable to contain her rage any longer. Jasper winced in pain at her obvious intense level of emotional pain.

"Alice," I spoke to her softly, taking a step back toward her, "please don't blame Edward for this." She turned to look at me, the intensity in her eyes starting to diminish. "Things happen…_they just happen_. It's no one's fault. Please. This isn't helping anyone. Let's go now and I can answer all of your questions. Please. Don't be angry at anyone but me. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm just overwhelmed right now by everything that's happened in the last few hours. Let's get outside and try to find a fresh perspective. Please?" I started to beg. _Pathetic._ But, I couldn't bear the pain that was evident on her face or the physical pain that Jasper must be feeling due to her emotional outburst. "This is obviously bothering Jasper. If not for me, _please_ don't put him through this."

Alice dropped her hands from her hips and looked up at Jasper. She looked deeply in his eyes, her hand gently touching his cheek, as his face leaned into her caress. This was an intensely private moment between them and it was starting to tear at that hole that had opened in my chest all those years ago. A hole I had thought had at least closed, if never healed. Their love and adoration for each other was so intense and I was not able to ignore what was so clearly in front of my face. Jasper nodded to her in a way that told her and everyone else around him that he had forgiven her for her outburst. He took her in his arms, burying his face in her shiny black hair. Alice was not one for anger, and the wrath she directed at her brother had taken all of us by surprise.

I glanced over at Edward, whose head was hung down. He sensed my stare and looked up to me. His eyes were full of guilt. That I could clearly see. I looked away. To me guilt equaled pity and I couldn't stomach that.

Sensing a need to move things along, I spoke.

"Well, the rest of _your_ family is waiting for us. Let's get moving. I'm sure that all of you will have many questions, and I hope my answers won't disappoint," I finished, trying to sound flip, leading the way out of the classroom, motioning for the three Cullens to wait in the hall, while I turned off the lights and secured the space. I gathered my things and headed toward the hall where they were waiting. Alice and Edward walked on ahead, Jasper hanging back, looking somewhat timid.

"Bella, may I ride with you? I would like to talk to you on the way over to the house. Would that be acceptable?" he spoke as he looked at me expectantly.

"Of course," I answered. Now I was really nervous.


	6. Chapter 4: Apology

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: Thanks again to IAmOnlyMe for the encouraging reviews and the constructive criticism. It really helps and keeps me going!_

_ALSO, thanks to Bella's-Choice and debiuse for their reviews. I really appreciate it!_

_I apologize for how short this chapter is, but it needs to be done...the next chapters are much longer and I should have another up very soon. By Tuesday at the latest. Happy reading!_

Chapter 4: Apology

We walked in silence toward the faculty parking lot. Jasper seemed nervous and sent out a wave of calm, though I think it was more for him than it was for me. _What on earth would he want to discuss with me? _Jasper and I had limited contact during my duration with the Cullens. He had stayed with me in Phoenix, along with Alice, but after the party…

Could this drive together be about that? Before I could continue with my internal dialogue, I realized that we had arrived at my car. I quickly fished my keys out of my purse and used the automatic door locks to pop the locks. I offered Jasper the chance to drive, since I had absolutely no clue where we were going.

"Jasper, would you like to drive? Since I have to idea where we are going, it would make sense for you to take the wheel. Plus, you can probably keep up with Alice and Edward better than I can. Now that I'm like all of you," I still had a difficult time saying the word _vampire_ as I continued, "I better understand the need for speed, but I don't think it will do for me try to follow your siblings. Would that be okay with you?"

Jasper took my keys and looked at me with a slight smile. "Bella," he whispered, out of respect for my wishes, "I would be happy to drive us." With that he opened my door, helping me in the car, before returning to the driver's side. He hopped in and started the engine.

My car was fairly new. Nothing flashy, but dependable and affordable and it got decent gas mileage. However, it wasn't necessarily meant for speed. A shiny, silver Volvo pulled up near the staff parking lot, waiting for us. _Edward still has the same car. Now that is remarkable._

As if Jasper could hear my thoughts, though more likely he noticed the baffled look on my face, he spoke to me, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Edward still has the same Volvo. It's odd for him to stay attached to a vehicle for so long, but he's had Rosalie replace the engine multiple times. He's hard on his cars, but that one is still a favorite," he finished.

The Volvo took the lead and Jasper gracefully guided my vehicle out of the parking lot to follow. We sat in silence for a few minutes. I could feel the tension in the air, before he felt a need to speak again.

"Bella," he began, clearing his throat, "I have needed to say something to you for so long. I don't even know where to begin, but now that I have the opportunity, I have to take it. I am so sorry for what happened at your birthday party. I have always been the weakest link in our little family and when you cut your finger, I just snapped. I still can't believe I did it. You must have been so terribly frightened, and I never meant…" he continued before I cut him off.

So many of my human memories were lost. I was surprised at how much was lost, but there were certain memories that I clung to, or rather, clung to me. Every moment I had spent with the Cullens was burned into my memory. I remembered every moment of that fateful night, including the vicious look on Jasper's face when he lunged at me. I remembered the fear, the pain, every excruciating detail that was, in many ways in my mind, a catalyst to the end of my relationship with the Cullens, and more importantly, with Edward. However, I had forgiven Jasper that night. Long before the conversation that ended my happy existence with Edward in the forest, even before the long months where I felt like the walking dead, I had forgiven Jasper for what had happened. None of that was his fault.

"Jasper, I forgave you long ago. I told Alice that very night that I wasn't angry with you. You can't help your instincts," I began, before he interrupted me again.

"Bella, this is completely my fault. If I had been in better control of my nature, if I had fed more, none of this would have happened. I should have never come, never trusted myself to be that close to you. If I had done the right thing, no one would have been unhappy, no one would have suffered, and you would still…" he began to plead, before a honk from the Volvo grabbed his attention. He exchanged a look with Edward care of the rear view mirror and both men looked angry due to their wordless communication.

I was confused. "What were you going to say? Please go on," I tried to recapture his attention, which was still fully focused on the Volvo in front of us. I could see Edward slightly shake his head back and forth. If I hadn't been focusing, I would have missed it. Any human definitely would have.

Jasper looked at me with a slight smile on his lips that did not reach his eyes. "Bella, I was only trying to say how sorry I was for everything. Can you ever forgive me?" he finished. He waited patiently for me to answer.

"Jasper, there is nothing to forgive. Everything happens for a reason and your reaction that night is no different. Please don't beat yourself up over this. If I had been more careful, it would have never happened. Let's be realistic and look at it this way," I started, desperate to end his feelings of disgust for his actions, "if Alice hadn't insisted on that damn part to begin with…" as I forced a laugh and he sensed that I was trying to make a joke to lighten the mood. "No offense, Alice," I continued, as he laughed with me. I caught Alice sticking her tongue out, knowing that she had heard me in the Volvo, as she turned around fully to face us from her perch in the front seat. _Same old Alice._

"Thank you, Bella. I appreciate your willingness to move forward. Alice will be very pleased," he finished. We continued to drive on in silence.

I never heard a sound from the Volvo. I'm sure that he and Alice were communicating with their "gifts". If I could have trusted myself alone with Edward, I would have asked him what he was discussing with Jasper just now, but that would never happen. I would just have to be in the dark on that one. Not that it mattered. Edward had no feelings for me anymore; not _those _feelings at least. No, that was just me, loving him on my own without any hope of reciprocation. What an idiot I was and continued to be.

Ugh. "Gifts". Would that come up tonight? With the entire family there, that question was sure to make an appearance. I would figure that out once I got to it. Before I knew it, we had arrived at a big beautiful home, with large arched windows, each one ablaze with light, as darkness was starting to descend with the approaching night.

The house was larger than the one in Forks, and even more beautiful. It looked like a gothic Victorian, completely renovated and painted a beautiful shade of white with two large turrets and a wrap around porch, which had been outfitted with rockers to enjoy the outdoors. Several fireplaces announced their presence courtesy of the chimneys that peppered the roofline, which was covered in beautiful slate tiles. Gingerbread trim was beautifully restored and accented every window, arch and outside doorway. The house itself was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by plenty of forests and natural streams, which could be heard in the distance, as well as offering plenty of protective tree covering to hide the house from the road, which was a ways off in the distance. This would be the perfect place for the family to relax and be themselves as well as offer excellent hunting when necessary.

The house was surrounded with other outbuildings, fashioned to echo the design of the main house, most likely garages for the large car collection that the family indulged in and Rosalie tended to. The Volvo pulled in first, far ahead of us, and Edward and Alice were out before the engine had barely been cut. Edward sprinted ahead of Alice and met his family, who were all waiting on the porch. He spoke quickly to them and I was unable to catch anything that was being said.

Jasper pulled off to the side of the Volvo and turned off the engine of my car, before stepping out. He came to my side of the car, but I had already opened my door before he could approach. I smiled up at him tentatively, a new level of understanding in our relationship. He offered his arm to me and I walked forward, right from the frying pan and into the fire.


	7. Chapter 5: Welcome

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's note: I __have__ to __**dedicate**__ this chapter to __MaryAnn Miller, who left me the most amazing and heartwarming review. Her review __**literally **__made me blush! I feel so Bella-like. It's readers like her that make me work so hard on these chapters and truly make it a labor of love. I've having so much fun with this and look forward to seeing how all of you respond to what I have planned for our star-crossed lovers. Thank you, MaryAnn!_

_Also, thanks to __shinyvolvoconvertibleowner, __storyforme, __leechlover2, __AuroraBeaumonere__, bitemenow, Double G, newfoundlove, debuise (again!), and Patrick-Henry for taking the time to leave reviews for me as well. It's great to know that people are reading and enjoying it! I hope to not disappoint. I respond to every review…so on with our story!_

_One other note: I should have mentioned this in the beginning, but here goes! This entire story follows the premise that Alice never saw Bella jump, because Jake was with her. Just changing one little detail can have immense implications…no vision, because Alice can't see the wolves. Otherwise, everything in New Moon leading up to that point holds true! No apparent suicide from Bella, or whatever she wants to call it. No phone call from Rosalie. No suicide attempt from Edward in Volterra. And with that, happy reading!_

Chapter 5: Welcome

I approached the porch slowly. Another wave of calm enveloped me and every member of the Cullen family stood, meant to be a sign of welcome for my benefit, but I was no fool. I also knew that the night ahead would be painful and with that pain, agonizingly long.

Carlisle approached me first, a huge smile breaking across his face before he spoke. "Bella," he started and hugged me quickly, "we are _thrilled_ to see you. This certainly is a surprise. Welcome to our home," he finished before stepping aside.

Esme came forward then, with obvious joy in her eyes. She hugged me fiercely and it was difficult to not return it with the same intensity before she spoke, "We have missed you so much, Bella. Some of us much more than others," she said hesitantly and I knew she must have meant Edward _and_ most likely Rosalie, "but our family feels complete again," she finished.

_What on earth was she talking about?_ I was no more a part of her family then I had been as a human. But, I remembered that Esme's greatest gift was her ability to love. I would take what she said as such and smiled in return to see her eyes that looked like she would have shed tears of joys, if that were possible for one of our kind.

I missed being able to cry, or I did, before I discovered – _no, stay focused. You have to be able to get through this night. Just get through this and then you can go back to your sad little existence, but you can continue what you started. You can provide __**her**__ the only thing that is still in your power to give. Not even Jacob can take that from you…_

Emmett approached me and picked me up in a bone crushing hug – or what would have been bone crushing, had I not been "changed". I hugged him back just as fiercely, with everything that I had before he winced and released me. "Damn Bella – you could warn a guy first. I guess I'll have to get used to you being indestructible," he finished before shooting me a goofy grin. He seemed genuinely pleased to see me and I had to admit, I had missed this giant man – someone who had found a definite place in my heart in the brief time I had spent with him.

Rosalie approached me carefully. She was still beautiful, not that she had changed a bit in the decade since I had seen her. Her beauty was still intimidating. It was overwhelming how exquisite she was; much more than any model. But, her beautiful face held no smile for me, like it had from the others. I had no trouble deciphering her feelings for me. She still had a look of disgust when she glanced at me, and I for one, wasn't going to force a "happy" reunion.

She looked at me directly before saying, "Hello, Bella," and then walked away, taking her place next to Emmett.

Emmett looked at me apologetically, while I smiled back encouragingly. What else was there to expect? Some things never change.

Carlisle broke the awkward silence. "Let's go inside so we can talk. I'm sure we all have much to catch up on," while he motioned us inside.

The interior of the house was beautiful, not that I expected anything else with Esme's taste. The first floor had a beautiful grand entryway with a glorious hardwood staircase. The walls were the original plaster, which was remarkable considering the tendency of the brothers to wrestle and damage things in their wake. Dark, mahogany paneled wainscoting lined every wall and extended up the staircase to the second floor. Perfect lighting created a cozy atmosphere and highlighted the features of the house.

Several of the art pieces on the wall must have been masterpieces that Esme herself had created, while a beautiful hand carved cross that I had seen in Forks and had belong to Carlisle's father hundreds of years prior, hung in a place of prominence over a beautiful natural stone fireplace. Against all the beautiful natural woods of the floors, banisters and other woodwork, the walls were painted in calming shade of white and ivory, with coordinating furnishings and carpets. The house looked incredibly comfortable as well as elegant.

"Esme, the house is just beautiful. I've never been this far out of town before and I had no idea it was even here. What a sanctuary! You must all be so comfortable in this haven," I finished looking at her warmly, trying to express all my comments with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. My nerves were starting to wear on me, but I didn't want to disappoint her. She had always been so kind to me and I wasn't about to hurt her feelings now.

"Thank you, Bella." She responded, "Maybe we can give you a tour of the house when our conversation is over and everyone's morbid curiosity is satiated."

_Back to the task at hand- how lovely. Well, the sooner we start, the better. Let's just get this over with…_

Carlisle offered his arm and led me into their beautiful living room. Once upon a time, this would have been called a parlor. It had the same coloring as the entryway, but with large ivory sofas and fluffy pillows, as well as thick carpets that made everything seem incredibly cozy and warm. A very inviting space and one I should try to get comfortable in while this night went on. I wasn't going anywhere for a while – might as well make the best of things.

Carlisle offered me a large, cushioned seat by myself, while the others flanked the sofas and Alice chose to sink into the deep carpet as close as possible to me. Jasper took that as his cue and sat behind her. She nestled back against his broad chest and he gently hugged her around the shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

Emmett and Rosalie sat close together on one sofa, while they assumed a similar position. Rosalie eventually ended up on Emmett's lap and he enveloped her with his massive arms, while she gently stroked his forearms with her delicate fingers. He kissed her cheek one second before flashing me a toothy grin and a quick wink.

Carlisle and Esme took the other sofa. Carlisle wrapped his arms protectively around his beautiful wife's waist, while she nestled back against his chest. He whispered something in her ear, something that sounded like a pet name. I closed myself off to him, sensing it was intensely private and not meant for anyone's ears, save hers.

The hole in my chest began to hurt again. So much love in this room. Love that I thought I had had once, but no more. No, I had thought that I found it twice. I would never be part of this type of love. I thought I had found it with Edward, and then with Jacob. I was wrong both times. I wasn't meant to be loved, not in that way. I loved my daughter, and that would have to be enough. The thought and feeling were crushing, but I strengthened my resolved and faced the firing squad. But that didn't stop me from wrapping my arms around my chest, willing the hole to close and the pain to subside.

I looked up then to see that Edward had taken the other single seat, directly in front of me, with a beautiful mahogany coffee table between us, covered in elegant hardcover books about art of every genre, most likely placed there by Esme. He smiled at me tentatively for the first time that entire evening. I tried smiling back, but found it difficult to make the emotion meet my eyes. I looked away, focusing on Carlisle. Since he was the head of this home and family, I would let him set the pace of this evening.

As if on cue, he returned my gaze and addressed me. "Bella, I'm sure that everyone here has plenty of questions for you. It's incredibly kind of you to even come here and take time out of your schedule to spend time with us. However, you mustn't feel it necessary to answer anything that you aren't comfortable with or share information that you deem too private for us to hear. We are just so pleased to see you again and hope this will be the first of many happy visits you spend with us," he finished before Esme interrupted him.

"Bella, please consider our door open anytime you would like to visit. We would love for you to come by as often as you would like. No phone calls or invitations necessary. This is an open offer and we would like you to use it as you see fit. If we can be of any assistance to you whatsoever, you must let us know. We're _all_ here for you," she shot a look at every one of her children around the room. "Please let us know how we can make you as comfortable as possible," she finished, with a brilliant smile across her face, her eyes shining.

"Bella," Carlisle continued, "why don't you start from the beginning? You have our complete attention."

I looked around the room at the face of seven beautiful people; people that I had known for such a brief time, but they had become incredibly important to me, nevertheless. Even Rosalie – she was Edward's sister and I had, at one time, been desperate to find a way to bridge that gap that separated us. I had imagined that we had made some headway during the prom during my junior year, but the hostility had remained. They all sat silently, waiting for me to say something. _Well, no time like the present…_


	8. Chapter 6: Interrogation

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_AN: I need to thank you wonderful readers for those wonderful reviews. It's wonderful getting to know some of you talented people via your work and emails - wonderful! They have made my whole week and they make me want to work on this story even harder. I have had some requests for some perspectives from Edward, which I will provide. Writing Edward is difficult, but I'm doing my best - just stick in there with me. Also, check your account on Christmas Day - I can guarantee that good boys and girls will get a little surprise in their stocking!_

_Special thanks to Mandi1 and newfoundlove for the wonderful encouragement and correspondence! I love you both - and your work!_

Chapter 6: Interrogation

Bella's POV:

"Well, there's so much to say. Starting at the beginning is as good as place as any. I have to warn you – this story isn't exactly happy in many places, but to not include those parts would leave many too many unanswered questions. You've all been so welcoming, so I feel that you all deserve the truth," I began. _Deserve the truth – where the heck did that come from? _

"After the birthday party, and the, well – accident," I mumbled, trying to not look directly at Jasper, but failing, and then at Alice, who looked at me with pain splashed across her delicate features. I needed to clear the air on that topic right then and there. "Alice, I have already spoken with Jasper about this. I know you must have been able to hear at least some of our conversation as you drove with…Edward," it hurt to say his name, "but, things are settled there. He asked for forgiveness and truly, there isn't anything to forgive, though I did try to grant him freedom from his self-loathing."

"What happened is over and done with and there isn't any reason to keep revisiting a painful chapter in history. Can we all agree on that?" I looked to the family and most seemed to nod in agreement – while others, namely Edward and Rosalie sat completely still and looked at me without emotion.

"Anyhow, after you all left, I had a difficult time recovering. I'm sorry, Edward," I motioned to him, "I don't mean to bring up any difficult memories, but in order for you to understand the rest of the story, I need to be honest." He looked as if he was about to stand, when I motioned for him to stay where he was. I continued. "Edward, it's _all_ in the past. Things didn't work out. I was forced to move on, and I did, although it took an incredibly long time. But, it's in the past. Can we just forgive each other and let it go?" I looked at him warily while I finished my statement, painful as it was.

Edward barely moved, though his eyes started to darken intensely. It was a moment before he spoke. "Bella, I can only ask your forgiveness. You have nothing to ask forgiveness for. This was entirely my fault. If you wish to move forward, I will grant you that and anything else you request." He finished his statement and looked at me intently.

_What the heck? I certainly didn't understand him completely, but in the interest of time, I could figure that one out later, if it's even necessary. He shouldn't suffer with guilt for something that happened so long ago. No one should._

"Of course I forgive you, Edward. Really there's nothing to forgive. You and I really weren't ever meant to be, given our differences at the time. Let's just chalk it up to a mistake and move forward from there, alright?" I looked to him, trying to force a slight smile. I needed to show him that he no longer had an effect on me, though nothing could be farther from the truth.

His eyes were full of hurt that I didn't understand, but he nodded before adding, "I'm glad we straightened that out, Bella." He looked like he desperately wanted to say something else, but eventually he settled back in his seat, his hands clenched into fists; his pale skin stretched out tightly over his knuckles, his head resting back against the cushions.

I felt ready to continue. "Months went by and finally Charlie," my voice audibly cracked when I mentioned his name, "threatened to send me to Florida to live with Renee if I didn't break out of my funk. I realized how selfish I was being to everyone around me and decided I needed to start putting my life back together. Friends at school had mostly abandoned me, due to the fall out, but I still had a friend in LaPush. I started spending time with Jacob Black – lots of time. He sort of helped put me back together. You remember Jacob, don't you, Edward?" I asked him.

The look on Edward's face was unreadable, but his eyes held a certain fury that I didn't understand. "Yes. I remember Jacob. He came to prom and warned you against me and my family on his father's orders – am I correct? Oh, not to mention that he inadvertently broke the treaty and told you about myself and the family," he finished, looking murderous by that point.

"Yes, the treaty. I had almost forgotten about that point," I started before Carlisle broke in.

"Bella, how could you possibly know about the treaty? Edward, did you mention that to her?" he looked to Edward and then back to me, waiting patiently for an answer.

"Carlisle," I broke in, "Edward never gave me any information about the treaty. Jacob told me all about that, but I'm getting ahead of us in the story. I promise I'll answer ever question that you have," I finished my thought, before turning back to the rest of the family.

"Well, Jacob and I became good friends; best friends, really. We started spending every spare moment we could together. Then suddenly, one day, he stopped talking to me. He and I, along with Mike Newton," and with that name, every Cullen "child" chuckled, "went to a movie one Friday night. Mike got sick at the movie, so Jake and I drove him home. On the way back to my house, Jacob started feeling sick as well. I thought he was burning up with fever. I wanted to drive him home, but he refused."

"I called Jacob to make sure he had made it home okay, but it wasn't until the next day when he called to tell me he was fine and not to come over until he contacted me. I didn't hear from him for weeks. Charlie talked to his dad, Billy, who let us know he had mononucleosis and wouldn't be able to have visitors for at least a month. After a while, I decided to make a trip down to LaPush, to get some answers out of him, since he was clearly avoiding me. He told me he couldn't see me anymore, that we couldn't be friends anymore. That devastated me."

"He came to my house that night. He told me he was sorry, but there were secrets he couldn't tell me. That he didn't have a choice," I continued, as every pair of eyes started to look at me expectantly, "and yet, he explained that I already knew the secrets. He explained that he had told me everything that first day – when he told me all about your family being known as the 'Cold Ones'."

I went on to explain that I figured out that Jacob was; that he was indeed a werewolf. From there, I continued with how he had patiently waited for me to accept him as more than a friend, but how it had been terribly difficult. I talked at length about the pack, and how they had initially accepted me as one of their own. That I had been placed under their protection when they found out I was being targeted by Victoria and how Jacob was the one who led that protection and had done everything he could to keep me safe.

"Bella," Edward interrupted me, leaning forward in his chair, his fists clenching and unclenching with each word "you were spending time with werewolves? Are you insane? Do have any concept of how dangerous this could have been for you? You could have been seriously hurt. You promised me that you wouldn't do anything stupid or reckless. Don't you remember that? Why would you break your promise? Werewolves are extremely unstable, especially young ones. You might have been killed. What is the matter with you?" By the end of his rant, he was standing, out of his seat, his eyes dark again and his words increasingly louder and full of fury.

"Edward," Carlisle spoke with an intensity that I had never heard before, "sit down and mind how you address Bella. You will not raise your voice to her or to anyone else in this room." He had not roared like Edward, but the tone of his voice and the intensity of his gaze at his first "son" let everyone know that he was unhappy at the outburst that Edward had forced upon me.

I looked at Carlisle in awe, before turning my gaze back to Edward. I had never heard Carlisle speak that way to anyone, much less to Edward. I sat in silence as Edward clenched his jaw shut, his teeth audibly clashing together, before he sat back in his chair, rigid and obviously still livid from….what? My comments about the werewolf pack or his own father correcting him in front of the entire family…I couldn't be sure.

"Bella, dear," Carlisle's voice broke the silence that had engulfed the room, "please continue. I don't think we'll have any more interruptions. Please go on." I turned to see the gentleness and compassion return to his eyes that I had always remembered when seeing him, replacing any tension that had previously been there. He tightened his grip on Esme, who had gently nuzzled her head into his chest, while she smiled sweetly at me.

"Edward," I started, trying to sound calm and without emotion, "I was never in any danger from the pack. They protected me, but I'll get to that part of the story. They kept me safe. _I was __**never**__ in any danger_. As for the promise, well…" I went on, before he interrupted me.

"If you think that a pack of _werewolves_ is _safe_, then I guess I have nothing more to say on that topic. But your promise," he continued, the tension he was obviously feeling, coming through with every word, before I felt it.

Again, a wave of calm swept through the room, and I turned to smile slightly at Jasper, having remembered our conversation from earlier in the day. Alice gazed at me, her focus unwavering, while she eagerly nodded for me to continue.

_Alice_. Something occurred to me at that moment, something I had allowed myself to think of only once during the years since our relationship had ended. Hadn't she _seen_ all this? Where were her visions; had her "gift" left her? During our forced separation and my subsequent depression, I had once thought to myself, _can Alice see me? And if she can, will she tell Edward how much I'm suffering? _When Edward didn't return, I never allowed myself to think about that again. But, I couldn't stop myself from blurting out my thoughts.

"Alice, didn't you see any of this? Is all this information new to you? Did you ever _see_ me after you all left Forks?" I looked at her, my face betraying my confusion and curiosity.

Alice faced me with pain in her eyes, which swiftly turned to an intense look of guilt. "Bella, when we left, Edward made me promise to not look for your future. I argued with him about this, but in the end, I honored his wishes. I'm sorry, Bella. I am so sorry. Edward is my brother and when we left, when he left… I felt my loyalty had to stand with him. It hurt me so much to leave you behind, but I did what I thought was best for my family, even though you had always meant so much to me."

"You were really my very first friend, the only one I could really be myself with, who knew everything about me and the rest of the family. I didn't know what else to do…" she trailed off, looking desperate. Again, another wave of calm hit everyone with such intensity, as Jasper tightened his grip around his mate. Jasper couldn't bear to see his wife in pain of any sort. I couldn't either, I realized.

"Alice, I'm sorry for blurting out like that. There's nothing to forgive. It was just a thought I had. Please don't be sad; it's all in the past. Like with Jasper, and…Edward," again, it upset me to even say his name, "can we please just start fresh? All this pain, this guilt – it's a waste. A terrible waste. It's not worth dwelling on. Can you see that? Can you forgive me for hurting you just now? Can we start new?" I finished, looking at her.

Alice jumped from her husband's embrace, lunging at me, knocking me and the chair over with her enthusiasm. Her head leaned up to look at me, her smile so bright and wide, I thought it would crack her beautiful marble skin. She kissed me on the cheek, before righting herself, myself and the chair in one quick movement. The quickness of it nearly took my breath away. I think she would have plopped down on my lap, if Jasper hadn't reached for her, placing his strong hands around her tiny waist and pulling her back to him.

With that, and the shocked look on my face, I was able to mutter, "Well, I'll take that as a '_**yes'**_," before I started to chuckle. I hadn't smiled or laughed so naturally like that in a long time. Suddenly, I realized the whole family was laughing with me, including Rosalie. She couldn't help but laugh at her sister's antics. The comedic relief was just what everyone needed.

"Alice," Carlisle started, "it seems that you have your friend back. But, I think we need to continue with Bella's account of events. She does not have unlimited time and I'm sure that she has other responsibilities that need her attention. Bella, would you care to continue?" he looked at me, the laughter still reaching his eyes.

I looked back at him – he was so much like a father figure, even to me. His compassion had allowed him to overcome his bloodlust and had transformed him into a wonderful and passionate doctor. He loved his wife and his family fiercely and at that moment, I felt that he had some warm feelings for me as well. He was concerned about my life, which was the first time in a long time that anyone had really cared. It brought a lump to my throat. He had helped save my life in Phoenix, and had tended to me again after the birthday party and those thoughts came flooding back to me. He had helped protect me at a time when I had needed it the most. I was grateful for his presence and nodded, indicating that I was ready to go on.

"Thank you, Carlisle. Where exactly were we?" I questioned, suddenly trying to remember where I had left off in the story.

"You were talking about a pack of dogs protecting you," Edward said, his voice dripping with malice. His eyes were still dark, but his tone and volume were carefully modulated, I felt to insure that he didn't incur his Carlisle's wrath for a second time this evening. He remained seated and I quickly refocused my glance away from him to continue the story.

"Well, I spent most of my free time in LaPush and when I wasn't there, someone in the pack stayed near me at all times. After a while, it felt silly. Jacob kept me in the dark about most of the patrolling, I'm sure fearing that he would frighten me. But, nothing was happening. No one had come near me. But, the pack was relentless. We fell into an easy routine. It was a lot like when I would visit Charlie for the summer. It felt like I was being handed off from one pack member to another, similar to Renee and Charlie exchanging me when I was little. Jacob came everyday to get me from school and then he would take me home at the end of the night." I continued with the story, amazed at the ease in which the words tumbled from my mouth.

"Spending so much time with Jacob…well, things started to change for us. Jake was so patient with me, content to let me do things on my own schedule. He really put me back together. I was never really the same person, but eventually he became a big part of my life. By the end of my senior year, he had convinced me to go to the prom with him. That night, things really changed for us. Our friendship deepened and became more, well…" I trailed off, not exactly willing to go into more personal details at that point.

"So, you two became lov-…" Emmett started, his brows lifting up and down, trying to convey his meaning, before Rosalie smacked him in the arm, unwilling to let him finish his sentence.


	9. Chapter 7: Private Thoughts

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: Here it is…the first six chapters from Edward's point of view…I won't always do this, but seeing that it's Christmas, I thought you all needed a little present – it too me much longer than I anticipated (over 7,000 words!), but I still made my self-imposed deadline. It will also help you recap what we have already found out about our star-crossed lovers, but also what happened that we weren't able to see the first time around. I have also included two new chapters following this special chapter, which I hope you enjoy! Thank you for your patience, happy reading and Merry Christmas!_

_Also, cut me just a tiny bit of slack. I only had time to edit this __twice__…thanks._

Chapter 7: Private Thoughts

Edward's POV

Tonight had certainly been a night of surprises. First, to be dragged to the university to sign up for classes that I didn't want or need, to be babysat once again by my siblings, to have to pretend to be moderately interested in what this little town had to offer…but, as always, I went through the motions. I had put my family through enough and I wasn't about to disappoint them again.

_I have never in my entire existence been so happy to be forced into anything._

There she was. _My_ beautiful Bella. _My_ angel. _My_ love. She looked so much the same and yet so different. Her hair was still long and chocolate colored. Her skin pale. Her beautiful face was turned away from me, but I was certain that her deep brown eyes still held as much emotion and depth as they always had. I have never been so happy to be so close to anyone in all my days.

_But…_

She smelled the same. The beautiful freesia scent that every cell of my body had memorized was still there, but was tinged with something else. I was so completely captivated by her, that she was standing only a few feet in front of me, that I hadn't realized what it was…_at first._

I realized that Alice was rushing toward her, the excitement coming from her in waves. I didn't need Jasper's gift to see how eager she was. I stood there, taking in the moment before I realized what was different. It wasn't that her hair was slightly shorter or that she dressed more mature than she ever had when we had been together. That she wore high heels and acted like an…_adult._ That she was finally demonstrating the confidence I always knew she possessed that was simmering right below the surface.

_She was like us…a vampire._

I felt like I could have collapsed at that moment. I had failed her. I had done everything in my power to free her of our existence. Left her. Allowed my own heart to be shattered, to protect her. And for what? Nothing. I knew that she had gone on with her life after we left…I thought that she would be happy. That made my sacrifice worth it. The pain, the loneliness, the misery. All the pitiful looks from my family. For nothing…

How could this have happened? How could someone as beautiful and wonderful and perfect as my Bella have been subjected to this type of existence. She should be somewhere, living a wonderful, happy, human life. Not fighting the internal monster that I and the rest of my family fought on a daily basis. This was not how it was supposed to be. Ten years and for what? To be confronted by my soul mate and face her, to see the look in her eyes that I had failed her…that she had become exactly what it was that I tried so desperately to protect her from.

By now, Alice was embracing her, tightly. I had been too wrapped up in my own miserable thoughts to hear the exchanges of their conversation. I did, however, notice that the look on Bella's face was not one of joyfulness in seeing Alice, much less being embraced by her. She seemed to be hell bent on getting away from her.

_She didn't look happy._

Jasper joined us then, and Bella, polite as always, greeted him. I understood then that she was desperately trying to move us from the public arena we had been standing in and usher us to a different location to talk. Alice still held her in a vice-like grip, before finally agreeing to let her go.

I greeted her, desperate to make contact. I was nervous, though I hoped my face didn't expose me. I focused on her face only, while I realized that my hands wouldn't stop fidgeting with the registration paperwork I held, too concerned with being near her to realize that my hand gestures would give away the turmoil that had filled my form.

It was then that she looked up at me, finally realizing that I was there, staring at her. It seemed like an eternity, her and I gazing at each other, her eyes a beautiful topaz, not the deep pools of brown that I was so accustomed to. My heart soared; my cold, dead heart wanted nothing more than to run to her and hold her in my arms.

She finally spoke to me…

"_Hello, Edward. You, of course, are also welcome to join us. We had better get moving, before Alice starts jumping out of her skin. My office is in the next door building. Please follow me." _

That was not the greeting that I would have liked. Or ever imagined in my daydreams.

We followed her in silence.

We stepped out into the rain, following her graceful footsteps. When did she become graceful? I missed her human clumsiness. I had thought often of how she would trip over nothing, giving me countless chances to catch her, touch her… and here she was, walking in the rain, in heels no less, graceful as a dancer. My heart broke. How could this have happened to her? _Not her…_

We entered the building next door, where she greeted two overeager humans at the desk. I could hear their thoughts and I didn't like them…not one bit.

"_Well, here's little Miss Workaholic, little Miss Private. Thinks she's fooling everyone around her with her cheerfulness and big, fake smile…what a twit! But, WOW! Who's this with her? I don't think I've ever seen better looking men in my life and the girl…she's so unusual looking, so exotic, so gorgeous. Students? Certainly not friends. She doesn't seem to have any…"_

I shut myself off from her offensive thoughts, wanting to jump the desk and rip her heart from her chest. The younger student working with her was just more of a mindless humming, thinking thoughts that every young woman her age said when she saw me or one of my family members.

"_Oh my gosh. Does he go to school here? Does he belong to a fraternity? If he does, I'll be going to every single party until I find him. Is that his friend or his brother? I don't care…I'll take either of them. Except….the tiny girl seems to belong to the blonde. Oh well, I'll go for tall, bronze and handsome…can you imagine bringing him home to Mom and Dad? I think I'm in love…"_

I did notice something however, that instantly caught my attention. What did they just call her? _Elizabeth?_

I know this is Bella. It smells like her. Looks like her. Sounds like her…but they call her Elizabeth. What's that all about?

We followed her in silence to her office, while she fumbled for her keys in her large handbag. She found them, only to lose grasp of them before forging them into the lock. I caught them in a flash, returning them to her. For an instant, my skin touched hers.

"_Thank you." _That was all she said, but I could barely concentrate on what she said.

_Sweet abandon…I had touched her._

I had dreamt of touching her again. For ten years, I had dreamt of only her. I may not be able to sleep, but my dreams were entirely of her. To see her again. To touch her. I had just done that and my dreams had scarcely done it justice. I felt a shock of electricity course from my hand through my entire body. I was certain that everyone could sense what had just occurred, but I kept my face as still as possible. From her actions, she didn't look happy to see us. I wasn't about to press my luck just yet.

We entered the room, while she motioned for us to take a seat. I let Alice sit first, knowing that she would want to be as close to her as possible. Jasper took a seat by her side, I'm sure from his thoughts, hoping to calm her when necessary. I took the only other seat available, far from her, which I was unhappy about. But, from my vantage point, I could see everything going on. I could gaze on her beautiful face and listen to her voice. I could immerse myself in all things Bella.

I felt a wave of calm emanate from Jasper, before Bella reached into her desk to retrieve something…a small remote of some kind. Before long, she had the familiar strains of Chopin's Piano Nocturne filling the office. She then turned to us, the look on her face one of obvious strain and even more of determination, before she spoke.

"_I have an hour before my first class. I'm sure that you have many questions, but keep in mind that I most likely won't be able to answer them in the time I have. Alice, go ahead and start, before your head explodes." _

I could hear Alice's thoughts as she addressed me, directly.

"_Edward, let me handle this. I know how you get. Please just follow my lead on this one. Please?"_

She stood from her seat, her hands purposefully placed on her hips, hoping to show Bella that she was confident, when in reality, she was just as nervous as I was. She steadied herself before she began.

"_Bella, what happened to you?"_

"_Well, Alice, what do you think happened to me? It's obvious that all three of you already know the answer to that question. Why waste time on the obvious? What do you really want to know?"_

The tone of her voice was hard. There was no friendliness, no fragment of what I had remembered of my Bella. That hurt. I knew that when we left it would be difficult for her, but I had always imagined that _my Bella_ would be forgiving. I had imagined that had I run into her, there would still be warm feelings between us. I knew that day when I left her in the forest, when I had seen her visibly heartbroken, when I had lied to protect her, that she was hurting. But, I had truly believed that eventually she would move forward. She would love again and understand that what I did had been for her. Only her…

She and Jasper exchanged information, going back and forth, which my mind barely grasped, until I caught on to the fact that she was desperately trying to steer the conversation away from herself…same Bella. Some things never change…

"_What are all of you doing here?"_

I felt the need to explain things, to clear things up for her. More importantly, I wanted her to be forced to look at me, something she hadn't done since the registration hall. I wanted nothing more than to have the excuse to look on her face and hope that I could find some small glimpse of the Bella I had fallen in love with. She must still be there, I told myself.

I began my explanation, before Alice cut me off. What was she doing? She was giving away too much information, so I returned the favor. I was still curious as to why those vile women in the front office called her by a different name, why the plate outside her office door had the name _Elizabeth Marston_ emblazoned on it, for the world to see. Why a different name? And more importantly, why Elizabeth?

I addressed her…

"_Bella, I have a question that might be easily answered in the little time that we have before us. Why did those women in the front office address you as 'Elizabeth'?"_

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. That she had "died" on her way to La Push…what was she doing there? There was only one person there that she barely knew and his father intently disliked me, as well as my entire family. The Blacks. I knew that Charlie had known the family for some time, but I couldn't believe that she would spend much time there. Snapping me out of my reverie, Alice spoke again, her voice dripping with contempt.

"_La Push? What on earth would you be doing in La Push?" _

I, too, wanted to know what she would be doing there. The Quiluetes weren't exactly fond of us and I wasn't sure that I wanted her spending time there. What she said next literally knocked the wind out of me. Ex-husband and baby? Bella had _been _married and had given birth to a child. But, why would anyone let go of Bella? Was he insane? And what would this person be doing in La Push? She married a Quiluete? A baby? My head was spinning…

I immediately rose from my seat, when I saw the look of pain and hurt fill her beautiful features. I needed to hold her, comfort her. But, then, just as quickly, she rose from her chair, her hands flying up in front of her, barring me access to her. I stopped where I was, hurt, but full of understanding. She did not want me near her, nor did she want to feel my touch. My heart started to ache again.

I was angry. Not with her, but with myself. I had caused this. I had made this beautiful creature hate me with ever fiber of her being. The pain, my constant companion of heartache and loneliness started to plant itself back at my feet. Before I could stop myself, I heard her try to end the conversation and my emotions boiled over.

"_Isabella! Do you think that sorry excuse will suffice? Do you think that you're going to just walk out on us and not explain the whole story? I understand that you may have unpleasant feelings toward us, but I for one, along with the rest of my family would like to know what happened to you. It's obvious that you're like us now, that you're a vampire. We all sensed it the moment we stepped into the registration office. What we don't understand is who did this to you?" _

I needed to know. I needed to avenge the loss of my human Bella. I didn't realize then that I had opened up an entirely different side of Bella, one I _never_ knew existed. She yelled back at me, the look on her face leaving no chance that I misunderstood the meaning of her words.

"_This is my place of business and you will remember that when addressing me. I owe you nothing. You will keep your voice down and remember that you are here because I allow you to be. You will NOT draw unnecessary attention to me. Do you understand?"_

I barely had time to recover from the shock of her actions when we heard the knock on the door. I could hear the two humans standing there, waiting for entrance. Their thoughts were a mix of apprehension and outright curiosity. After a few words were exchanged, Bella dismissed them, me and my siblings from her office and her presence. But, not before Alice got her two cents in.

"_Well, Elizabeth, we'll see you after your class. Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie will be so pleased to see you this evening. We'll find you after your class, where we can all get together and catch up."_

_Thank you, Alice,_ I thought to myself. I wasn't out of the running yet.

Alice and Jasper hurried back to the registration hall to see just where Bella would be going. I, on the other hand, ran back to the car. I needed to call home and let everyone know what had happened and to be prepared for us to possibly return home with Bella after her class had ended. I impatiently waited for Carlisle to pick up his phone.

"Edward."

"Carlisle. Is this a good time?"

"Of course. What's wrong?"

"I don't think you'll believe me, but for once, nothing is wrong."

"What do you mean? What's going on? Please tell me that you're still at the university with Jasper and Alice," he questioned, his voice laced with the same concern that he always had when he talked to me. I shrugged it off and continued.

"Yes. We're all still here. But that's not why I'm calling. I'm not even sure how to tell you this," I continued.

"Edward, just say it. You're starting to concern me and Esme can hear you. What's going on?"

"We ran into Bella. She's here at the university. Apparently she teaches here and…" I spoke, before I heard Esme shriek. She then spoke into the phone, so quickly, I had a difficult time understanding her.

"What do you mean you ran into Bella? What on earth is she doing there? Have you spoken to her? How is she?" her steady stream of questions continued, until I interjected.

"Yes, we all spoke to her. Alice and Jasper are with her now, in her class. Alice thinks she'll try to run if we leave her alone," I went on, before she stopped me.

"Why would she run? What aren't you telling me, son?"

"She's not exactly happy to see us," I answered. My heart sank to hear the words, even though they came from my own mouth.

Esme didn't answer right away. I could hear Carlisle asking for the phone.

"Edward?"

"Yes."

"What are you going to do?"

"Right now, I have no idea. Alice wants to bring her home with us tonight, to talk, and catch up. I'm not sure that Bella has the same plans in mind. But you know how Alice is…she won't take 'no' for an answer."

I could hear Esme in the background, obviously trying to regain access to the phone, before Carlisle sighed and relinquished it back to her.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Esme?"

"Don't you dare force her to come here. After what she went through with us…as much as we all want to see her, she owes us nothing. Promise me you won't force her…"

"I promise I won't." Even though I wanted to, I knew that I couldn't. "As far as Alice goes, I know that she won't call you because she knows you'll ask the same thing of her and she's hoping to get her to the house by any means necessary. Her thoughts are all over the place. She is so excited to be with Bella and she intends to do whatever it takes to keep her around this time."

"Edward, it's your responsibility to keep Alice under control when it comes to Bella. Get Jasper to help you. It's just so strange, though…" she trailed off.

"What is?"

"What on earth is she doing in this part of the country? I mean, I guess she could have moved here, but for Alice to not see her before you all left this afternoon… I know Alice has tried to block her visions of Bella since we left Forks, but you know sometimes she can't help but see what's about to happen. It doesn't make any sense."

"I don't know, Esme. But there's more that I should tell you before I let you go."

"What now?"

"Well Bella isn't…I don't exactly know how to say this."

"Edward, for the love of all that is good and holy, don't keep us in suspense. Carlisle is listening as well. Just say it."

"Bella is no longer human."

The silence was deafening. My parents were in complete shock, as I had been earlier in the evening.

I heard the phone being handed to Carlisle again. He was blunt.

"Edward, are you trying to tell me that Bella is changed? That she's now a vampire? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Yes."

"Oh my…how?"

"I have no idea. She won't share that information with us, not that I blame her. This is my fault, after all."

"What are you talking about? This isn't your fault…"

"Carlisle, I should have never left her. I should have never invited her into my life to begin with. It's my fault that she's lost everything."

"Lost? Lost what?"

"It's too complicated to go into right now. I just need you both to be prepared in case we can get her to come home with us. You need to let Rosalie and Emmett know as well. You know how Rosalie can be about Bella."

"Edward." Carlisle's voice was grim.

"Yes?"

"Are _you_ alright? This is so much to take in, especially considering how long it's been and all that you've gone through without her."

I didn't answer right away. I hadn't for a moment really considered how I felt about the change in events, but I was certain that I was overjoyed to see her again. I know that she might not share my opinion, but I would worry about that later.

"I'll be fine. I'm just so happy to see her again, regardless of the circumstances."

"Well, go then and we'll expect you as soon as you can come home. I need to run to the hospital to check on a patient, but I'll be back shortly. I'll have Esme ready both Rosalie and Emmett."

"Thank you, Carlisle. Tell Esme thank you as well."

"Goodbye son."

"Goodbye."

I shut my phone, continuing to sit in my car, trying to make sense of all the events that had happened in just a small amount of time. I would need to leave soon and make my way back to the classroom but then what?

I made my way to the classroom that Alice had texted to me, my stomach tightening with each step. I couldn't wait to see her again. I approached her classroom, the sound of her voice carrying to me through the door that was slightly ajar. She had been talking for some time. I glanced at my watch and realized that she had some ways to go before the end of her class, so I decided to wait in the hall, as patiently as I could. Thoughts of her students drifted to me, some impossible to ignore.

"_Is she going to go on all night?"_

"_This class should be great! I can't believe that I am finally in college in a real class…"_

"_What the heck is she talking about?"_

"_I don't care what she's talking about. I could look at that face all night long…"_

A low growl rose in my chest, which I fought to suppress…I closed my thoughts at that point, not wanting to hear anything more.

This went on for some time before I decided to finally just listen to _her._

Class finally ended with her apologizing for keeping them past the posted time for their session. I chuckled, knowing that she was doing everything that she could to postpone being alone with us. I stopped. Was she frightened of us? Or was she simply just trying to protect herself? My breath caught in my throat…I wouldn't force more discomfort on my Bella.

_I couldn't._

I made my way into the classroom, while she spoke with Jasper and Alice. I think she must have been too absorbed with what was in front of her to realize I was there. I realized that I needed to make my presence known.

"_Well, that was intriguing. You drew that out as long as you as you could, didn't you? But, you're an interesting lecturer, I'll give you that. No wonder every student in here stayed until the end. Some of their thoughts were rather interesting, but others…well, you might not want to know about that." _

She happened to look up to where I was standing, and I was taken aback by the look in her eyes.

_She looked like she was ready to bolt._

She addressed me then. _"You know, if you wanted to 'audit' this class, all you had to do was force yourself in like Alice and Jasper. No need for you to sneak around in hallways."_

I could hear the annoyance and I started to realize that her feelings for me were not exactly ones I would have hoped for. I must have hurt her more than even I realized.

Jasper sent a well-needed wave of calm into the room again before she spoke.

"…_I heard you both when you mentioned that he had most likely already called Carlisle and Esme. I would like to see them and say 'hello' in person, and then I'll answer most any question you might have. Will that work for you all?" _

I felt a need to get things going, before she had a chance to change her mind. I just needed to be near her, even if I couldn't be _with_ her. I fought to keep my face clear of any emotion as I spoke.

"_Let's head over to the house now. Carlisle is due home from the hospital shortly and Esme cannot wait to see you, Bella. Rosalie and Emmett are there as well. Needless to say, everyone is surprised by recent events. Would you like us to drive you to the house or would you care to follow us with your own car?"_

We made arrangements for her to follow us in her car, which didn't thrill me. I would have loved nothing more than to have her next to me in the Volvo, the car I couldn't bear to part with. I had spent so many happy times with her in that vehicle and although it was painful, I kept that car as a remembrance to her. _To us._

Lost in my thoughts again, I realized that I had missed some type of exchange between Bella and Alice. Before my very eyes, I saw Bella hurry across the empty classroom, a blur from the speed. My dead heart dropped. _She_ wasn't supposed to be able to do that. She was supposed to be normal; human. My failure reared its ugly head once more.

It was then that I saw Alice start toward me. Her outbursts in regards to Bella had ended a few years ago, after…but here she was again, her anger showing in her thoughts and in her eyes. I braced myself for what I knew in my heart I deserved.

"_This is entirely your fault! I hope you're happy with the choices you forced on ALL of us. Look at what you've done. She won't even let me touch her!"_

_Her thoughts were much more venomous._

Alice advanced toward me, readying herself to strike. I knew it was coming and I made no attempt to stop her. I had brought this on myself.

Jasper tried to calm her, only to be rebuffed. It was then that Bella spoke, the familiar gentleness apparent for the first time this entire evening.

"_Alice, please don't blame Edward for this. Things happen. They just happen. It's no one's fault. Please. This isn't helping anyone. Let's go now and I can answer all of your questions. Please. Don't be angry at anyone but me. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm just overwhelmed right now by everything that's happened in the last few hours. Let's get outside and try to find a fresh perspective. Please? This is obviously bothering Jasper. If not for me, please don't put him through this."_

She looked obviously bothered by what was transpiring and her defense of me made my heart jump for a moment. Had I misjudged her? Did she still have feelings for me?

While Alice and Jasper made their silent amends, I looked up just in time to catch her eye. She quickly looked away, and I was again left to wonder what her thoughts were at this moment. If her body language was saying anything to me, it was that she wanted to get away from me as quickly as possible.

She motioned to us to leave, while she secured the classroom. We waited in the hall, while Alice used her thoughts to speak to me.

"_Edward, you and I can drive together in the Volvo. Jasper would like to accompany Bella. He desperately wants to make amends for what happened at her birthday party. Please don't fight me on this one. He'll direct her as to how to get to the house and then we can reconvene and see what we have to work with. It's going to be a really long night."_

I nodded to her silently, so subtlety, I was sure that only she caught the motion. We started on ahead, while Jasper waited patiently for Bella to leave the classroom.

We arrived at the house. I had heard little of what had happened in the car, as Alice blasted me with her thoughts. They went from overjoyed to the depths of despair. She, too, had sensed that Bella was not pleased to see us. We knew that tonight would be pivotal, as well as dictate whether any further relationship with Bella would be possible.

We arrived at the house, Alice and I running ahead to the rest of our family that waited for us on the front porch. I was being addressed by every member of my family and it was starting to overwhelm my senses.

"Is she with you?" Esme questioned. "How is she doing?"

"Edward," Carlisle began, "are you sure that you're alright?"

"This is great news, brother. She's finally back and you two can start over," Emmett shouted at me, his tone jubilant.

Rosalie was another story completely. "Of all the places for us to move, we had to choose the one place where we would run into her! This is ridiculous. Why do I have to waste my night talking to…"

I closed myself from her thoughts, unwilling to hear another unkind word about Bella from my sister. I spoke quickly.

"She's right behind us. We need to tread cautiously around her. She's not thrilled to be here, but Alice was able to convince her to come. I have no idea what she'll say or how long she'll continue to appease us by staying."

Bella and Jasper arrived, he accompanying her to the porch. They seemed to have worked things out, her small smile betraying as much. I was pleased that she had forgiven Jasper. I knew that she had forgiven him that night, but he had lived with the guilt of his actions for a decade. It had taken him forever to look me square in the eye after the incident. If it weren't for all the time we spent hunting and tracking together, I doubt we would have ever been able to completely salvage our relationship, even though I never held him responsible for what had happened.

Each member of my family greeted her, their thoughts echoing their greetings and actions. Even Rosalie. She wasn't thrilled to be going through this, but it was clear that when Esme had prepared her for our homecoming, she knew that nothing short of simple courtesy would have appeased our mother.

Her face was smooth, with only tiny moments of tension breaking through. She looked comfortable and uncomfortable all at the same time. For the millionth time, I wished I could read her thoughts. It would make this so much more bearable…

Carlisle led her into the parlor, motioning for her to sit in one of the overstuffed chairs opposite the coffee table. The rest of the family settled into their usual spots and I secured the other single seat opposite her. It still wasn't close enough, but given what was about to start, I was happy that I would have an excuse to look at her without her believing that I was impolitely staring at her. I could look at her, take in every part of her features and relax that she would be with us for a spell. I couldn't touch her or talk to her in private, but it was a start. Like heaven and hell all at once; but it was a hell I was happy to be a part of.

Carlisle prompted her to begin. She took a nervous glance around the room before she began, a look of unease in her eyes. What had happened to her in the past ten years? We were about to find out…though I was more interested in her next ten years and if her plans might possibly include me.

She steadied herself before she began, her face betraying the anxiety she was obviously feeling. Who were we to ask her to fill us in on what had happened? But, here she was, willing to do just that. I started to see signs of my Bella and that made me smile, if only internally.

She had recapped what had happened in the car with Jasper on the way over, another sign that not all was lost with Bella. She was capable of forgiveness, but could she forgive me?

As if she could hear my thoughts, she addressed me.

"_Anyhow, after you all left, I had a difficult time recovering. I'm sorry, Edward. I don't mean to bring up any difficult memories, but in order for you to understand the rest of the story, honesty is essential here. Edward, it's all in the past. Things didn't work out. I was forced to move forward, which I did, although it took an incredibly long time. But, it's in the past. Can we just forgive each other and let it go?" _

Even after what I had put her through, she was forgiving me. _We_ still had a chance.

"_Bella, I can only ask your forgiveness. You have nothing to ask forgiveness for. This was entirely my fault. If you wish to move forward, I will grant you that and anything else you request." _

She looked at me before she responded. I waited with baited breath for what she would say next.

"_Of course I forgive you, Edward. Really there's nothing to forgive. You and I really weren't ever meant to be, given our differences at the time. Let's just chalk it up to a mistake and move forward from there, alright?"_

My heart splintered again, into tiny little pieces. She had gotten over me, and moved on with another. But, _never really meant to be?_ She was the only one meant for me and I felt the waves of depression starting to take hold again. It was then that I started to hear the thoughts coming from my family.

"_Oh, Edward,"_ Esme commented.

"_I'm so sorry, Edward,"_ Carlisle began.

"_It will be okay, bro. It's never too late,"_ Emmett commented, trying to sound optimistic. It wasn't working.

I needed to respond. _"I'm glad we straightened that out, Bella."_ What else could I say?

She went on to say how she coped after we left, how she had been despondent for a while, and things started to turn when Charlie threatened to send her to live in Florida with her mother. I knew that she had missed the sun, the warmth when she lived in Forks. I would have thought that she would have been elated to trade the overcast and cold for the brilliant sun and heat that Florida had to offer. She had never been able to use the tickets that Carlisle and Esme had given her during that fateful birthday party. I was surprised when I realized that she was determined to stay with her father.

I was disappointed that she lost so many of her friends due to my actions. She went on to talk about her friendship with Jacob. I remembered Jacob too well. He had feelings for Bella and had danced with her during the prom of our junior year together. I wasn't happy about her spending time with Jacob, but what could I do? My decision had brought this on.

She started to go on about how she and Jacob started to spend more and more time together. The more she talked about how close they became, the more my stomach twisted. I was beyond miserable by this point. But, I kept my face smooth, my emotions in check as best I could. I wouldn't burden Bella with my hurt. This wasn't her fault.

But then, she told all of us that Jacob abandoned her. How could he do that? But, then I realized I was judging him too harshly.

_I had done the same exact thing._

What she told me next surprised me, as well as the rest of my family. I couldn't believe my ears, but knowing Bella, I knew that what she spoke was the truth. She had found yet another way to spend her time in the most dangerous way possible. She had placed herself among a pack of werewolves, even if it had been for protection. Protection that hadn't been sufficient. Without warning, my anger exploded.

"_Bella," you were spending time with werewolves? Are you insane? Do have any concept of how dangerous this could have been for you? You could have been seriously hurt. You promised me that you wouldn't do anything stupid or reckless. Don't you remember that? Why would you break your promise? Werewolves are extremely unstable, especially young ones. You could have been hurt; even killed. What is the matter with you?" _

Carlisle chastised me both verbally for Bella's benefit, as well as mentally, to warn me to keep my anger in check.

"_Edward, calm down. You may be frightening her. If you don't, she'll leave and you may never see her again. Is that what you're trying to do?"_

Bella looked back at me, trying to dispel the notion that she had been safe in her decision to spend time with a pack of dogs.

"_Edward, I was never in any danger from the pack. They protected me, but I'll get to that part of the story. They kept me safe. I was __**never**__ in any danger. As for the promise, well…"_

I knew that we would never agree on this point and that it made no difference how I felt anyway, so I tried to respond in a way that would allow us to move forward. But she had made me a promise and I couldn't understand why she had broken it.

"_If you think that a pack of werewolves is safe, then I guess I have nothing more to say on that topic. But your promise…"_

At that point, Bella stopped for just a moment before turning her focus to Alice. The look on her face spoke of confusion and hurt. She went on to ask Alice if she had _seen_ her after she had left. Before Alice had a chance to respond to Bella, she responded to me in her thoughts.

"_Thank you, Edward. Once again, I've hurt my friend because of you. I really hope you're happy with yourself. If she leaves because of this, I'm not sure that I can ever forgive you."_

I winced, at least internally. I had caused every bit of this. How could I have been so stupid?

Alice responded to her friend, her best friend, with the hope that she too could find the forgiveness in her heart like she had for Jasper.

"_Bella, when we left, Edward made me promise to not look for your future. I argued with him about this, but in the end, I honored his wishes. I'm sorry, Bella. I am so sorry. Edward is my brother and when we left, when he left… I felt my loyalty had to stand with him. It hurt me so much to leave you behind, but I did what I thought was best for my family, even though you have always meant so much for me."_

_"You were really my very first friend, the only one I could really be myself with, who knew everything about me and the rest of the family. I didn't know what else to do…"_

As if on cue, Bella forgave Alice. And, Alice, from the look on her face and the joy in her thoughts, rushed forward to embrace Bella, knocking them both over in the process. She looked so happy, and I couldn't help but smile that my sister at least had her friend back. At least she could be happy with what Bella had to offer. If only God could find it in His heart to show me the same blessing; that was highly unlikely.

Bella went on to explain how the pack protected her, how they kept her safe. That was _my_ job. I was reminded over and over again during the evening how I failed her. I had saved her from James in Phoenix, but had failed her when I left. I knew why I had left, but what was I thinking? How could I have made such a terrible mistake? This wasn't the first time I realized that I had been mistaken about my choice in leaving her, but this was the first time when I realized the disaster that occurred because of my stubbornness.

Bella was rushing through, speaking to us about everything that she had gone through in those first few months. She talked about how Jacob, a mongrel, started to take hold of her precious heart. He convinced her to go to prom, something that she seemed mortified of when I had taken her our junior year. She looked so beautiful, so perfect that night.

She talked about how their relationship changed and true to his nature, Emmett's mind and thoughts turned to inappropriate topics. He started to verbally address those thoughts to Bella, before thankfully, Rosalie stopped.

_Thank you, Rosalie. _This was something that I had no interest in hearing.


	10. Chapter 8: Jacob

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Chapter 8: Jacob

"Emmett, it wasn't like that. I started over with Jake. He was like my sun, my warmth. I fell in love with him. It took a lot of time, but it felt right. Our families were connected from before either of us had even been born. Our fathers were the best of friends. It seemed like the natural progression of things. After that night, we were basically inseparable. I started community college in the fall, Jake worked double time to finish high school early and I tutored him to help with his endeavor."

"By the end of my first year of college, Jake asked me to marry him," I continued, until I noticed that Edward had risen from his chair, rushing for the door. Emmett beat him there, effectively blocking his way. At that same moment, Jasper had left Alice's side, blocking the other exit from the room.

In that moment, I could sense that there were several conversations going on at once, even though the room was completely silent. I knew that most likely, Edward was being mentally assaulted by every member of his family. Every pair of eyes, including mine, was looking at him. _What the hell is going on? Why is he reacting like this?_

I thought his actions strange, but after everything I had been through with Edward, especially after he had left me, I felt like I had _never_ really understood him or any of his reasons for why he did what he did. This time was no different. He was acting like a jealous lover, but even I knew that was silly. He didn't love me – probably never had. I had been nothing but a distraction from the never-ending monotonous eternity that our kind faced. I understood that relentlessness now, first hand.

I couldn't help myself when I blurted out, "Was it something I said? I told you this story wasn't particularly happy, but believe me, this is the better part of the events. What's coming isn't exactly pleasant. If this is upsetting everyone, I won't go any further," I finished, before Esme turned to me.

"Darling Bella, you have been kind enough to open up your thoughts and actions to us, so we can better understand what has happened since we left. Edward, you are being rude to our guest. Please return to your seat, so we can continue." Edward didn't move, so Esme tried again. "Edward, did you hear me?" she finished, her tone becoming more and more severe, but still laced with motherly concern.

Edward, his back still facing me, hung his head. His whole body seemed to relax, almost in resignation. He looked up to face Emmett, who had his arms crossed, not willing to let his brother leave the confines of the sitting room.

Edward turned to face me, before he spoke. "Bella, I apologize. I won't bore you by going into specifics, but I am sorry if my actions appeared rude in any way. I'm not trying to insult you. Please believe me on that point," he finished before he turned his face away from me.

How could one face be that beautiful? But, I regained partial use of my senses to answer him. "Edward, you're forgiven. However, there is no need for you to stay, if this conversation is making you uncomfortable. I understand. Whatever decision you make will be fine with me," I finished, before he looked back at me, his once dark eyes a beautiful topaz again.

Edward returned to his seat, Emmett and Jasper only returning to their original positions when he sat down and relaxed into the thick ivory cushions. His gaze penetrated me and I was forced to look away. My heart, had it still been beating, would have been about to burst with emotion at that moment. I held myself together, unable and unwilling to examine the feelings that I still had for Edward.

Ultimately, I knew that I loved him, but I couldn't truly embrace that knowledge here, in the company of his family. Plus, I knew that I wasn't the one for him. I wasn't the _one_ for anyone. I had learned that the hard way. Later, when I was alone, I could give into the pain, but I had to be by myself when that happened.

"Should I continue?" I asked, looking up to meet anyone's gaze but Edward's.

"If you must," Rosalie spat at me, her face twisted in vicious hate in my direction. I turned to look at her, not surprised by her expression. Emmett tightened his grip on her, whispering in her ear, a look of discomfort across his features. It was the first time she had spoken, since we had begun in earnest. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that every member of her family looked at her, embarrassment filling their features before I spoke.

"Rosalie, just as I explained to Edward, you are under no obligation to sit here and listen to my story. I won't be offended. There is no need for pretense. Please know that any decision you make will work for me," I finished, looking at her, trying to hold my beginning hostility at bay. What had I done to her now? I knew that she didn't like me, but I was giving her a way out. Couldn't she just, for once, be gracious about it?

Esme spoke then. I looked over to her, a bit taken aback by the look of severity in her eyes. "Rosalie," she addressed her oldest daughter, "you and I spoke earlier about your participation in this evening's activities. I don't think I need to remind you that we have company and you _will_ conduct yourself in an appropriate manner. Do we understand each other?"

Rosalie looked at her mother, remorse in her eyes, before she answered. "I'm sorry Esme." She looked to me before flatly adding, "I apologize, Bella."

"No harm done, Rosalie," I added, looking around at the faces staring at me, smiling, encouraging me to continue. Now, where was I again? I normally never had a problem with focus, but I had entirely too much swirling around me at this particular moment to keep myself completely together.

"Well, Jacob asked me to marry him. I wasn't able to accept just yet. I had only finished a year of college and he hadn't even started. He understood, but I knew he was disappointed. We continued dating and spending time together, as much as we could. He had patrols to deal with, as well as class work."

"I took lots of classes; I figured the more I took, the quicker I could finish. I majored in Elementary education and got an endorsement for working with special needs children at the same time. Renee was thrilled with me. She felt that I was following in her footsteps by becoming a teacher. I worked part-time as well, so Jake and I didn't have lots of time together, but we made it work. By the beginning of my second year of college, Jake had joined me at school."

"We arranged our schedules so that he could look after me. There hadn't been any," I struggled with the word still, "_vampire_ activity in Forks or La Push for quite some time, but there was still work to be done. And that's when it happened…"


	11. Chapter 9: Catalyst

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Chapter 9: Catalyst

Bella's POV

"What happened?" Emmett questioned, snapping me out of my reverie.

"Well, I was finishing my second year of college when summer came; I was taking classes and working. Patrols continued. Nothing had changed, really. Charlie and Billy went away to fish for a few days. Jacob stayed at my house, or I stayed at his during those times," I muttered, before quickly adding "simply for protection."

I knew that Edward's eyes had gone dark again, and as if on cue, Jasper sent another particularly intense torrent of calmness through the room. The intensity was a relief. Things were getting more and more heated and I felt that what I was about to say would definitely change the feel of the room.

"One night, I was up at La Push, and Jake came home from work. He had started a small mechanic shop in town. He was always really good with his hands, building things, fixing things. He built his own car – did I mention that?" I said, a small smile touching my lips.

"Good with his hands, 'eh?" Emmett started, his conversation again interrupted by Rosalie, who this time smacked him in the back of the head, and hard, from the sound of it.

"What I meant was he was putting things in place for us. He still hadn't given up the notion of marrying me. He hadn't asked me again, but he saw other members of his pack starting to settle down. He wasn't going to give in without a fight."

Carlisle interrupted, "Bella, you mentioned something happened. What changed things?"

I looked up to him. His warm and intelligent eyes looked at me. With my thoughts back in order, I continued.

"Well, one particularly rainy evening, Jake came home. We ate dinner, talking about each other's day when the phone rang. Jake got it and I could tell that something was very wrong. Jake grabbed his keys from the table and pulled me to my feet. Without speaking, he picked me up and ran me to the car. He placed me in the front seat and jumped in before taking off. I didn't know where we were heading, and some time passed before he was able to control himself enough to speak," I continued.

I thought back to that night – what I could remember.

"_Bella, something bad happened. Paul's mother was killed earlier tonight. We suspect it's a vampire, but we won't know until we get to the hospital and inspect the body. I need to get you to the hospital, where you have to stay with the others, while Sam and I go out to find Paul. Stay where you are. The others will protect you. We have to find Paul before he gets himself killed. He's obviously upset right now and he's not thinking clearly," Jake finished, his tone somber but firm._

I came back to my senses, before I continued. "Jake's pack brother, Paul, lost his mother to a vampire attack. At the time, everyone thought it was meant to be a message that the wolves were ineffective and couldn't protect anyone. It started an all out war…one that the wolves barely won."

"We were all on lockdown. We stayed in large groups, the wives, girlfriends, children. It went on for almost two months, before the wolves got the last of them. It wasn't a large coven – in the end, we found out that it was in fact two small covens out to have some fun. Disgusting," I finished before trailing off.

"Jake came home one evening, hurt. They had gotten the last of them. The threat had passed. He wasn't in any mortal danger, but he had some deep gashes. He had already started to heal, but I was inconsolable. It was then that I realized all my reasons for putting off marriage were ridiculous. I had almost lost him, and that was something that I couldn't allow. When we were alone that next morning, I got down on my knees and begged him to forgive me for putting things off. I then asked him to marry me," I finished my thought, my voice laced with wistfulness.

I don't know how long I sat there, silent, lost in my own thoughts, till I noticed that I wasn't the only one that was quiet. I looked up, to see that every member of the family had their gaze focused on me, each set of eyes looking bemused and impatient for me to continue.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stop like that. Memories I thought were forgotten sometimes seem to just jump up and grab me sometimes."

"Anyway, Jake looked at me like he hadn't heard me correctly." I began again.

"_Bells, did you say what I think you just said? Are you saying you want to marry me? What changed your mind? I know that you aren't keen on marrying right now. I know it didn't work out for your parents, but why the change of heart? Please don't tell me it's because of what happened last night. I'm as good as new. I was never in any real danger. A few stupid bloodsuckers aren't any match for us. You, of anyone, should know that by now."_

I remembered Jake's words that evening, the look in his eyes of love and tenderness, trying to hide his excitement at what my words might mean for the both of us.

"At that moment, I told him I was ready to marry him. I told him that we didn't need to wait, that we should get married as soon as possible. I had put things off for far too long as it was and I wasn't about to waste anymore time. He was so happy! He picked me up, his arm bandaged and still obviously painful, and swung me around the room. He put me down just for a moment, to retrieve something from his desk," I continued, before my eyes caught Edward's expression.

His face was pinched in pain, his body limp, his eyes closed. I couldn't bear to see him in such pain. For a moment, my cold heart leaped. Was he jealous? Was he upset because the story, my story, turned to my loving someone else? Just as quickly, I knew that couldn't be the reason. He didn't love me. No matter what the reason was, I couldn't bear to see him in so much pain. Even though I didn't understand his reaction, my love for him, a love that had never ended wouldn't allow me to just sit there and let him suffer.

"Edward," I addressed him slowly, "are you alright? Have I said something to upset you again?" I finished, both fearful and anxious for his response.

"No, Bella. I was just trying to concentrate on everything you were saying. Please don't let me stop you. Go ahead and continue," he looked up at me, his stone mask returning.

I was confused, but seeing as we still had a long way to go, I thought I should take Edward's advice and journey on.

"Well, he retrieved a little box for me from his desk; an engagement ring. He then got down on one knee and proposed. It was quick but very sweet. We decided to marry that fall, even though we were still both in school. It would be small and not fussy. Telling Charlie and Renee though – that was another thing altogether."

I went on to tell them that although Charlie was thrilled by the engagement, Renee fought me tooth and nail. She hadn't seen any of the Blacks since she had left Forks and wasn't keen on me marrying someone who hadn't finished college. Not to mention the whole situation that I was still in school and she considered both mine and Jacob's age to be a definite disadvantage.

It took some serious convincing, until I finally put my foot down and explained that she could accept my choice or not, but that wouldn't change my mind about marrying Jacob.

"You're still stubborn, Bella," Alice giggled while every Cullen in the room either smirked or chuckled at her comments, no doubt remembering my intense obstinate streak. Everyone but Edward.

I continued, "Yes, I suppose I still am. Some things never change."

"Jake and I married that fall. I had a few friends from school attend and the pack, as well as my small family. Charlie gave me away and Renee and Phil came from Florida. They were happy in the end. They finally realized that Jake had helped to heal me, put me back together and that I would be safe with him, and that he would take care of me."

"We went on our honeymoon and got back to our regular schedules the following Monday. School and work - that was our mantra. We moved into a little house on the reservation. I commuted to the local university almost everyday and worked part-time. Jacob took a leave from school and focused all his time and energy on the shop. He did very well. Embry and Quil, Jake's pack brothers helped out. People from Forks and La Push had an alternative to Dowlings and Jake's shop was always busy."

"We continued in the same manner for a while. Being busy, the time flew by. Activity in the area lessened, so patrols weren't as necessary. Jake was only gone one night a week."

"The pack and their families spent lots of free time together. Weddings, birthdays, holidays – the wives and girlfriends spent lots of time cooking, hanging out together and I felt like I had lots of sisters to spend time with. We all helped each other out with babysitting, home improvement projects; whatever came up, everyone pitched in. We were one big family and we all felt connected to one another. We were fiercely protective and loyalty was first and foremost in our minds. That's what family was all about, especially for them."

I was coming to the part in my story that I didn't want to talk about, but I had already blurted out that piece of information in my office earlier in the evening. _Damn it! I didn't want them to know everything, but there was no way around it now. _


	12. Chapter 10: Grace

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: I'm dedicating this chapter to all you faithful readers that have taken the time to read and review and those of you that have either emailed or PM me. Some of your reviews have simply taken my breath away - your generosity and kindness overwhelm me...I've also had reviews that have made me laugh out loud or giggle in amazement, which is wonderful as well! Thank you for sharing this experience with me...it's been a hell of a ride so far and I hope to continue this journey with all of you amazingly wonderful people in the front seat, right beside me! You know exactly who you are! _

_BTW...more of Edward's POV is coming...just hang in there. Most of you thought I did it well and for that, I am grateful...let me know what you think. I'm always interested and reply to every review! Happy New Year!_

_Also, a dedication to my husband, who is patiently putting up with my obsession - we are celebrating eleven wonderful years of marriage today and he is being kind enough to graciously allow me a large chunk of the day writing and posting as well as responding to reviews! I love you, P._

Chapter 10: Grace

After taking a brief pause and an even deeper breath, I continued. "Part of the requirement of my education was to complete an internship my last semester in college as a student teacher. It was during that semester that I found out that I was pregnant. Jacob was beyond thrilled. Every member of the pack came to help us prepare. We worked on the small second bedroom, making it into a nursery."

"I wanted to find out the sex of the baby, but Jake wouldn't hear of it. He wanted to be surprised and there was no talking him out of it."

"Charlie was beyond thrilled! He came and checked on me often. He bought the baby little toys and he couldn't wait for the baby to call him 'Grandpa', even though I reminded him that it would be some time before the baby could talk. He didn't care and the smiles on his face were more than enough to tell me how happy he was for Jake and me. It was wonderful to watch him. He felt like he was going to get a second chance at watching a child grow up. He hadn't had much time with me, and I was happy to give him that chance."

"Renee was another story. She had finally adjusted to me being married. She knew I was happy, but when she found out about the baby, she flipped. She saw my life and saw it echo hers and that made her really unhappy. To say she was disappointed by our announcement was an understatement. But, I was close to graduating from college, married and living on my own; plus the baby was already on its way – she couldn't argue with our decision."

"In time though, she got used to the idea. She grew more and more excited, though she forbade anyone from calling her 'Grandma'. We all laughed over that. My mother always acted younger than her years. We finally settled on 'Mimi Renee', and she seemed content with that. She flew in for a baby shower that the pack planned for me and she planned on coming back again when the baby was born. She loved shopping for the baby, buying outfits and toys, as well as giving me tips on the proper way to do this and that."

"But, my pregnancy wasn't easy. The doctor told me that my size and the stress level of school made it difficult. It also didn't help that I was pregnant with a werewolf's baby, though, of course, we couldn't tell the doctor that."

"Jake was a worrywart. He was constantly watching me, to assure himself that I was alright. He really wanted me to quit school, but I was so close to graduating, so he and I argued about that. I couldn't see putting off something that was so important to all of our futures. We finally compromised and I agreed to take it as easy as possible while I still worked. He seemed happier with that and we spent our evenings talking about the baby and how things would change once he or she arrived. We were so excited."

"We kept on in the same fashion until I finished my internship, graduated and then took the summer months off. Jake made absolutely no attempt at hiding his immense relief. He waited on me hand and foot, when he was home from the shop. He was so attentive and sweet. He'd do anything to make me happy. His favorite thing to do was run out late at night and get me anything I had a craving for. I never wanted anything really odd, but he was willing to do anything to make me happy. He still worried about me, though and before the last month of the pregnancy, the doctor placed me on complete bed rest. Jake continued to work because he had to, so the pack wives came and visited me everyday."

"I had accepted a job with the LaPush reservation school to start that fall. They agreed to hold my position until I had the baby and enough time to recover before starting. One of the great things about being a pack wife was the level of respect from the elders. They made so many of the decision that related to the reservation and they were more than willing to bend some rules to ensure that I kept my job. I felt relief that at least I had a job waiting for me and that I could help financially with my home and family, not that Jake _ever_ worried about that."

"I went into labor in mid-August. Jake rushed me to the hospital and after almost 20 hours of contractions, they were forced to take her by cesarean. Even with an epidural, I have never been so uncomfortable. Charlie came to the hospital and refused to leave, even though we all knew that we were there for the long haul. She was one stubborn baby. She was breech and the doctor tried to turn her twice before deciding that the only option was surgery. Jake was frantic with worry, even though the doctors tried to convince him that this was routine."

"They wheeled me into the surgical wing of the hospital. I was still under the effects of the epidural, so while I was prepped for surgery, Jake was changing into surgical scrubs to be there with me. For the very first time, I felt fear. _Real fear._ What if something went wrong? What if the baby didn't make it? I had never felt such an overload of emotions on my senses like that before, even though my subconscious was blaming the barrage of hormones pulsing through my system. I could feel tears starting to fill my eyes and the first glimpses of panic starting setting in."

"It wasn't until Jake came into the operating room that I finally felt like this was all going to work out. He smiled at me, the corner of his eyes wrinkling with his familiar grin, since the rest of his face was covered by that stupid mask. He took my hand and squeezed it gently. I felt so safe and ready to finally meet our child."

"The doctor and all the nurses talked me through the procedure and I could feel the gentle tug as the scalpel sliced through my skin. I could smell my blood and the scent started to make me weak, but Jake just leaned in closer to me, willing me to focus on his face, his eyes. I could see so much love and trust emanating from him. I focused just on his beautiful eyes, while he told me how proud he was of me, how much he loved me, how amazing I would be as a mother. He kissed my cheeks, my lips, my forehead, all the while telling me that everything would be okay, that he loved me and this would all work out. His gaze wouldn't let me go while we waited impatiently to hear the first cry from our child to let us know that he or she was okay."

"The doctor told me the baby was out and before we both knew it, I heard this tiny little sob, followed by an ear-piercing scream. The doctor chuckled and told us…we had a beautiful baby girl. I was shocked. We both were. I thought for sure that we would have a boy, even if we never talked about it that much. The fact that the doctor told us that we had a _daughter_ took a moment to set in. Jake let out a low whistle before he spoke to me."

"_Well, that's just great. Now I'll have to keep a baseball bat handy to scare off any boy who thinks he's good enough for my little girl. My little girl? Our little girl. Bells, we have a baby girl! Baby dolls and pink dresses and pony tails…can you believe it?"_

"I couldn't believe it. And, it felt like the nurses were taking forever in getting her cleaned up enough to see her for the first time. Jake looked past the tent and once the look of horror left his eyes,' I chuckled for a brief moment, remembering the scene, "I could tell that he could see her. I've never seen his eyes soften like that before. I couldn't see very well from my position, but I could see him lift his arms and I realized that they must have been handing her to him. He brought her over to me and laid her on my chest, close enough so I could kiss the top of her head and take in her wonderful new scent. I could feel the tears that had filled my eyes finally fall down my cheeks and moisten my hair. I never knew that something that little could make you feel…" I trailed off and it took me a minute to continue.

"She started to cry again, so Jake picked her up in his big, strong hands. She was so tiny in his protective hold; he shed a few tears as he kissed her little forehead. She instantly quieted, I'm sure from the warmth of his touch and the gentleness of his actions. We hadn't discussed a lot of names, but in keeping with their family tradition of Bible names, we quickly chose Grace. Grace Alice Black."

I didn't realize at that moment that as I had been telling this story, my gaze had never left the floor, whether unable or unwilling to look up at any of the Cullens, I wasn't sure. I also hadn't realized that I had stopped talking for some time. Sensing movement, I looked up, to see that Rosalie had stood and was approaching me, with only a few feet between us.

"Bella, you _**had**_ a daughter?" she questioned, her tone unbelieving and a bit patronizing, with a look on her face that I couldn't decipher, but I _could_ see the flash of jealousy in her startling amber eyes. Her voice was calm and quiet, but I hadn't missed the implication of her attitude.

At that moment, I jumped from my chair, unable to control my emotions any longer, as a wave of rage took over. "**I **_**HAVE**_** A DAUGHTER!**" I roared at her, a growl building deep in my chest, which I didn't fight to suppress. "How _dare_ you say such a thing to me? Just because I can't be with her, just because she's far away from me, just because she has absolutely _no_ idea who I am," I choked on the sob in my throat, "doesn't mean that I'm not her mother! She's _**mine**_ and nothing can change that. Nothing! Who the hell do you think you are?" I finished, pushing her roughly out of my way, as I made my way toward the door. I had had enough. I was leaving and no one was going to stop me. Whatever this night started out as, I had decided that it was _over._

Every member of the Cullen family stood as I made my way toward the door. I couldn't get to the door fast enough, though I fought the need to use my enhanced speed to hasten my escape. I still had my pride, if nothing else.

Then I felt it. A hand had gently taken mine, trying to stop me from leaving. Before I could argue, Edward had wrapped me in his arms, holding me tightly, refusing to let go. I started to struggle until I realized that it was useless. I had no fight left in me. I let myself collapse into his chest, still trying to fight the sobs that threatened to rip from my chest, which I knew would offer little comfort or release from the intense agony I felt whenever I thought of Grace. My child, my beautiful baby that I had lost. She was still in La Push with her father, but _I_ had been violently ripped from her life. It hurt so much to think of her, though I forced myself to on a daily basis. Even with the pain, it made my tiny existence just a tad more bearable. I pondered on this for just a moment and instead of collapsing, I allowed myself to bask in the comfort he was offering, even if he felt nothing more than pity for me at that moment.

He no longer felt cold or hard. His body felt like mine now. He felt almost warm to my touch and his skin was soft and inviting. My head leaned against his chest, my body giving into the comfort he was offering. He tangled his fingers in my hair, holding me close to him. His cheek touched the top of my head, while he gently rocked me back and forth. I could feel the sobs coming, though I fought like hell to hold them in. So many memories of him embracing me like this came flooding back to me, making it that much harder for me to keep it together. The fact that _he_ was holding me made it that more inviting. Heaven and hell, all at once…

My body started to shake uncontrollably. He felt me shudder and tightened his grip. His scent was overpowering, but began to offer me comfort that I hadn't expected. Remembering so many times when I had breathed in his scent when I was human, I let him hold him, knowing that later I would pay for this when I was alone. I relaxed into his body, permitting myself to feel the comfort he was offering, some relief from my pain, regardless of why he was doing it. Dealing with the pain could come again later, but right now, I knew I needed this. I had needed it for too long.

Finally not caring about the price, I took in his beautiful scent, filling my lungs, memorizing every sensation of his strong arms around me. I had been hugged by students, had shook hands with colleagues, but I had been denied this type of intimate touch for so many years. I had not felt another's touch like this for so long and although it felt wonderful, I knew it couldn't go on.

I gently pushed myself away from him, refusing to look into his eyes. I was sure they held nothing but pity for what I had just lain out there for them to see, and after the evening I had already had, pity would cause me to completely fall apart. I stood there, looking at my feet, unsure of what to do, when she spoke to me. I was shocked when I saw her.

_Rosalie looked devastated._

"Bella, I am so sorry. I never meant to offend you. I just can't believe that you had it all. You had _everything. Everything_ that I would give my immortality for. You had the normal, human life. The husband that loved you. The home and your very own baby – a baby girl. You had everything you should have had, that all of us should have had. I just can't believe that this happened to you. I can't believe that you lost her, lost your life. I never meant… You will always be that little girl's mother. Please forgive me. Oh my…what have I done? I never meant for any of this to hurt you," she said before I realized that it was her turn to bolt from the room.

Emmett caught her around the waist before she could leave the room, pulling her into his arms. She began to sob; quiet tearless sobs. I looked at her, being held by Emmett so tightly, he trying to comfort her and realized that I had misunderstood her words, her actions. She and I had never been friends, but at that moment, my understanding of Rosalie solidified. Here I had had everything she wanted, but with one fateful night, I had lost it all.

_She had never had the chance to have any of it. _

"Rosalie, I'm so sorry that I screamed at you like that. That was…inexcusable. Talking about Grace," my voice broke again, "is a sensitive topic for me, one that I _never_ talk about and to take it out on you…I'm just so sorry. It's been an incredibly long and stressful night. My life has gone by in one boring, monotonous stream…and then, one simple and unexpected meeting…everything is so completely turned upside down. Please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. Please?" I begged her, so silent that I wasn't even sure if _she _could have heard me.

And with that, Rosalie pushed out of Emmett's strong grasp and threw herself at me, this time hugging me tightly, refusing to let go.


	13. Chapter 11: Tour

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: I intended to do another chapter that covered events with Edward's POV...however, with the New Year and all of it's festivities, I didn't have the time to do it justice! So, here's a "filler" chapter...I thought that I would give you a peak into the house that the Cullens currently reside in. Plus, a little bit of conversation between characters, as well as more of Edward and Bella dancing around each other...just a bit of this and that!_

_Also, thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews and private messages. They have been kind and so encouraging! It's wonderful to make new friends, even if I never get to see your faces. Your kind thoughts and emotions come through. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!_

_Another chapter before the end of the week - and if it's ready, it will be more of Edward's take on things. Happy New Year, friends - and enjoy the story!_

Chapter 11: Tour

I stood there for a few minutes, unsure of what to do or say, my arms limp at my side. Every other individual in the room was quiet, I'm sure shocked at the display in front of them. I could see Emmett in my line of sight, and he looked positively awestruck. In all the time that I had spent with Rosalie, she had never said that much to me. Even if you added every word she had ever spoken to me, I don't think it would have amounted to the steady torrent of words she had spoken just a few minutes before.

I finally hugged her back, still unsure of what to do. She finally released me, looking into my eyes with a pained look, one that held sorrow and with it, a new understanding. I smiled at her, now feeling that we had finally found that bridge that had separated us for so long.

Carlisle spoke just then. "I think we should take a break. I'm sure that Bella could use one, as could the rest of us. Bella, would that be alright with you?" he looked at me, his smile bright, having just witnessed in his mind what must have looked like a Christmas miracle.

"A break would be fine, Carlisle." I was pleased to have someone else rupture the obvious silence that had taken over the Cullen parlor. I turned to Carlisle's lovely wife. "Esme, I would love that tour of the house now, if that would be alright," I glanced warmly in her direction, looking for anything to break the tension in the room.

"That would be lovely dear. Come follow me," she motioned to me, as she started to leave the living room.

"Bella, may I join you and Esme?" Alice asked, as she instantly appeared at my side.

Not having much contact with our kind, the sheer speed of their movements still unnerved me. Being part of the human world as much as I was, I rarely used my enhanced abilities. In order to fit in and go about unnoticed, it was important to only rely on those abilities when absolutely necessary and when I was sure it would go unnoticed by others.

I smiled at her warmly. "I would love it if would join us. Come on. Esme's waiting," I answered, as I took off in the direction that Esme had left only seconds earlier.

"Bella, may I ask you a question? Or should I wait until we start again?" she looked up at me, with wild excitement in her eyes, taking my hand to stop me. I turned to face her.

"Go ahead. What's on your mind?"

"You said that you named your child Grace Alice. Why Alice?" she muttered, her eyes had drifted to the floor as she spoke, her voice soft and hesitant.

I couldn't help but smirk. "You _should_ know the answer to that question. When she was born, we both really thought we would have a boy and had plenty of appropriate boy names chosen. When she revealed herself to be a girl, we thought of her first name together and your name just sort of attached itself to her. Jacob wanted me to be happy, so he quickly agreed and that was that," I looked down at her, smiling warmly. It made my heart swell to see her smile when the true realization of my decision hit her.

"You named her after me? But why?"

"Well, she has black hair, just like you. And, she is someone that I care about very much, just like you," I said with quiet laughter, preparing myself before she would most assuredly pounce or hug me recklessly.

Instead, I was surprised at her response. She was silent, her eyes full of emotions that I had a hard time keeping up with. One minute she looked surprised; the next solemn. Emotions continued to flash through her eyes so quickly, I failed to keep up. I settled for being patient and waiting for her to respond. Apparently, she was trying to process what I had just told her. She seemed genuinely _enthralled_ by this turn of events.

"But Bella, I know that I hurt you when I… when we left. How could you be hurt like that and still name your child after me?" she asked, her gaze returning to the floor.

With that, I took her shoulders in my hands, and with a gentle shake I forced her to look up at me. I was not willing to let my friend suffer anymore from something that happened so long ago. Her pain was intolerable, and I for one, would not let her suffer any longer. I still didn't understand everything that happened all those years ago, but I was no longer willing to hold onto it with so much resolve. It no longer made any sense.

"Alice, please stop blaming yourself. I guess one of the main reasons I gave Grace your name was to hold onto you somehow. You and Jasper did so much to help me, to protect me. You were the first one to accept me into your family, after…Edward," I tried not to wince, but to no avail, but I soldiered on, "and you always treated me like a friend. You may have also used me as your own personal dress up doll during prom, but I won't hold that against you."

We both laughed together before I went on. "Please let all that go. All that matters is the here and now. Can't we just start again?" I began, and then realized that I may have been getting ahead of myself. "I mean, if that's…what you want. If this is a one-time thing, I completely understand," and my heart started to hurt thinking that this one night might be it, "but, please stop with all the guilt. Believe me; it's just not worth it." I smiled at her, willing her to understand.

As if on cue, Alice hugged me tightly before kissing me on both cheeks. Her smile was bright and just then I felt a wave of joy sweep the room. I glanced over to see Jasper, a rare smile on his lips as he stared lovingly at his wife. The break was doing everyone a world of good. I pondered on these thoughts when I realized that I had left Esme's side as she was attempting to show me the house.

"Oh, Bella," Alice's musical voice called to me, "this _won't _be a one-time thing. I have my best friend back and I have no intention of letting her go this time. I don't care what _anyone_ else says or does."

Alice and I took off for the stairs then, where we found Esme patiently waiting for us on the landing. "I thought that you two needed a moment alone. Please don't think me rude, Bella," she began, a huge smile on her face, "but I couldn't help but hear your conversation with Alice about your daughter. That was incredibly sweet of you to name her Grace Alice. Do you have any pictures?" she finished, her eyes still pleasing and bright.

I frowned then. I never kept pictures of Grace with me. After what had happened, I thought it was too dangerous. And besides, all I ever needed was to close my eyes and I could see her bright smile, hear her musical laugh, gaze upon her beautiful little face.

"Esme, I don't have pictures with me. For reasons that I can explain later, I don't keep any actual pictures of her. I'll explain it soon, I promise."

"Well, darling, what does she look like? She must be beautiful, just like her mother," Esme responded, a bit of confusion in her eyes.

"Well, she has Jacob's coloring. Beautiful russet skin, shiny black hair, straight as an arrow. But, everyone says she looks just like me. She also got my brown eyes, which was a surprise. Charlie was taken aback the first time he saw her," I remembered, going back to that wonderful day she was born.

"_Bells, she looks just like you did when you were a baby. Of course, she isn't an albino, but with all that Quiluete blood running through her, it's natural that she got Jake's coloring. But look at her! She's the spitting image of you. Just wait until Renee sees her!"_

I snapped back to attention, feeling a bit wistful. When memories did come streaming back to me, they were sometimes a bit overwhelming. But this memory was wonderful. I could still see the huge smile on Charlie's face as he held his only grandchild in his arms, the look of pure joy encompassing every nook and cranny of his aged features, making him look young again.

"How old is she?" Alice asked, which brought me back to reality.

"She turned six, last month," I answered, my voice low, with the lump in my throat beginning to grow, while my eyes started to glass over.

Alice must have realized that I was on the verge of breaking down again and rushed to start the tour of the house, to distract me from the thoughts and images that were beginning to crowd my mind.

Esme started the tour of their home, starting with Carlisle's study. It looked very much like the one he had in Forks, the walls lined with books and an impressive looking desk sitting in the center. I could see him there, reading endless volumes of medical journals, pouring over new information, continuing to add to his already vast volume of knowledge.

Esme motioned to the master suite they shared. It was adjacent to Carlisle's study and looked large, as it took up half of the second floor of their massive home.

We continued with the tour, when Rosalie appeared. She smiled at me tentatively, with me returning the expression. She motioned toward hers and Emmett's bedroom, before addressing me directly.

"Would you care to see our room, Bella? I know Emmett wouldn't mind," she asked me brightly.

"That would be really kind of you, Rosalie, as long as you're sure that Emmett wouldn't care. I wouldn't want to intrude," I finished before I heard a booming voice from the first floor.

"Go ahead, Bella! But, Rose left the mess in there, not me!" Emmett's voice finished, a chuckle escaping his lips.

"Emmett, don't say things like that. I couldn't decide on what to wear," she clipped back at him.

"Rosalie, don't worry about any mess. You should see my home office. Now that's pure chaos," I interjected, trying to keep the mood light.

She motioned me to hers and her husband's room, which was directly across the hall from Esme and Carlisle's suite. She opened the door and welcomed me inside. Large windows covered an entire wall, covered in beautiful deep red silk drapes. A massive stone fireplace surrounded in the same dark wood as the windows took up most of one wall.

A large four poster bed stood in the center of the room, with a large ivory gossamer canopy extending from the four corners, pooling into the wood floors that were covered with ivory carpets, similar to those on the first floor. Claret and rich ivory bedding covered the beautiful bed, with large fluffy pillows that looked inviting. The bed must have been a king size, as I was certain that nothing else would hold Emmett. And speaking of the male that shared this room, I noticed a large flat panel television hung on the wall, an addition I thought must have been his idea. Several large mirrors were all over the room, obviously for Rosalie's use.

There was a large chaise lounge at the end of the bed that coordinated with the colors in the room. A large pile of exquisite designer clothing, all women's, sat in a pile, apparently abandoned earlier in the evening. Rosalie quickly and gracefully grabbed the pile before depositing it into a nearby hamper in the large walk-in closet, which was bursting with stunning, expensive clothing, meant to only enhance the immeasurable beauty that stood next to me. She showed me the beautiful adjoining bathroom, which had a large shower, modernized with spray heads at every possible angle in the space that could have held the entire family at once, not that I assumed that ever happened, of course.

All around the room, pictures of Emmett and Rosalie were scattered on tables, dresser drawers and walls, showing a couple very much in love. It hurt a bit to look at them, but the adoration and loyalty that showed through was impossible to miss. I took a better look and noticed that several pictures showed them marrying, numerous times over all the years they had been together. Different eras were evident from the hairstyles to the wedding attire that every member of the family had on. One big happy family…the hole in my chest began to ache again.

But given the strides we had made that evening, I wasn't about to let that take hold. "Rosalie, your room is just beautiful. So romantic. You and Emmett must be comfortable here," I started before the booming voice came from below again.

"Bella, you have _no_ idea how comfortable we are when we're in there! Just this morning," he started before Rosalie cut him off.

"Emmett, you're in so much trouble," Rosalie retorted, before she gave me an apologetic smile and ran off to "correct " her husband.

Alice, Esme and I left their room and continued on with the tour, as we approached Alice's room. Alice and Jasper shared a room, as they were married, but everyone referred to their bedroom as hers alone. I soon found out why…

Alice opened the door to their room, the lights bright and welcoming. "Her" room was the exact configuration of Rosalie's and Emmett's room, though in reverse. The same windows, fireplace, walk-in closet and large bathroom; but that is where the similarities ended.

In the middle of their room also stood a large king-sized bed, but this was covered in beautiful lavender bedding, expensive silk from the look of it. The same large windows also covered one entire wall, just as they had in Rosalie's and Emmett's, but the drapes covering these were beautiful voile fabric, that matched the bedding's pale color.

What was so intense and incredibly impressive about Alice's room was that every square inch of wall space was covered in drawings, pages torn from magazines, lists and immeasurable ideas for every conceivable…well, anything. The amount of paper and books scattered in the large space was a bit overpowering, but spoke true Alice. More impressive was that there seemed to be some sense of order to the massive amount of paraphernalia that covered every square inch of the room, save the bed.

Alice took my hand and showed me the beautiful walk-in closet that held beautiful clothing, many still with the tags on. It was obvious that she controlled much more of the closet than Jasper, which didn't surprise me. It was obvious that Jasper would do anything to make Alice happy, including living in a fire-trap of a bedroom.

Hers and Jasper's bathroom was very much like Rosalie's and Emmett's, though it carried the same lavender theme. This whole suite screamed Alice, which brought a faint smile to my lips.

"Why exactly are you smiling?" my friend hissed at me, her eyes twinkling with excitement.

"Well, I thought my office at home was a mess – I've got absolutely nothing on you!" I responded, a chuckle escaping my lips.

"Well, I have a reason for all of this. I have to be prepared for everything, don't I?" she responded.

I laughed at my friend. Tonight, laughter had been a big part of things, which had been rather intangible to me as of late. Sure, I laughed with students. But, to laugh with those that I really knew, that were like me now…well, that never happened. Realizing how good it felt, the wondering began. _What now? Alice said she wasn't letting go, but what about the others? Where do we go from this evening? _I knew I wanted to keep in touch, to be able to see them, but I wouldn't force myself on anyone. How was this ever going to work out? And, then throwing Edward into the mix…I just didn't know what to expect. I'd have to try to sort this out when I was on my own, later.

Alice and Esme led me out of the room, heading back toward the steps to descend downstairs, before Esme spoke again. "The third floor ballroom is Edward's. The basement is where we keep the family office, as well as extra storage. Jasper has his own study down there as well. Would you care to see it?"

Out of nowhere, Edward appeared. For the first time since that afternoon, he flashed that perfect crooked smile at all three of us, his focus fixed on me before he spoke. "Esme, I'm sure that Bella would like to see the _whole_ house." He spoke to his "mother", before looking back and me and continuing, "Bella, would you care to see my quarters? These old homes used to use their third floor as a ballroom for entertaining. I was fortunate enough that my siblings let me have it. Would you care to see it before we continue downstairs?"

It happened. He was almost as close to me as he had been when he held me. _I would definitely have to figure that one out when I had a minute! _The scent of his breath hit me with such intensity that I was completely dazzled. I couldn't think, much less put together a cohesive sentence to respond. _You have got to be kidding me? Why did this have to happen now? How did he still have this type of effect on me? Who was I kidding? He'd always have this type of effect on me. Great – another thing to add to the pile of embarrassing things about Bella…_

Edward's smile began to fade, before he quickly added in a forced bright tone, "Well, that's alright. We can head back downstairs to where the rest of the family is waiting," he continued before I cut in.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I would enjoy seeing…your room. I wasn't trying to be rude. I meant nothing by it, but my mind is about full this evening," I responded to him, before I noticed that both Esme and Alice were walking away. _Uh no. There is no way that I'm going up there alone with Edward._

I reached out and grabbed Alice's hand, effectively stopping her in her tracks, before I addressed her. "Alice, why don't you come with us?"

Alice looked a bit taken aback and glanced at her brother before turning back to me. "Bella, I need to go down and talk to Jasper for just a minute. I can come back and join you both when I'm finished."

"Jasper can wait for a few minutes. Besides, you see him everyday. Surely you can stay with me for just the next few minutes, can't you?" I pleaded with her, looking desperately at her to not be abandoned and left alone with her brother.

"Alice, if that's what Bella wants, then do join us," Edward looked at his sister, his eyes warm but wary.

"Well, I guess you're right; both of you. Edward, lead the way," she answered, looking a bit wary herself.

Edward's stone mask had returned, though I thought I saw a bit of annoyance around his eyes for just a second before it was gone. He led the way up the last set of steps, before we stepped onto the landing and found his bedroom door, painted in the same calming tones as the rest of the house. He opened it, flicking on the light before turning back, and motioning to me to enter first. I stepped through the door frame and took in the sight of his room.

It was so much like Forks, and yet quite different. The ceiling was peaked at different angles, to follow the natural flow of the roofline. The same calming ivories and whites painted every plaster surface. Two large fireplaces, fashioned from the same natural stone as those on the other floors, flanked either large wall, which apparently got plenty of use.

The beautiful polished hardwood floors were covered in different areas with gorgeous carpets of dark blue, thick and plush, similar to those that he had in his room in Forks. He had a large brown leather sofa in the center of the room, across which a few books were scattered, as well as a large, dark blue throw, to compliment the many carpets and pillows that were scattered everywhere.

Along the eastern wall, his famous CD collection was organized on beautiful shelves, along with an updated stereo system. Small, inconspicuous speakers were placed around the room, which I'm sure while in use gave the person the idea that they were in a concert hall, listening to the music live.

There was no bed, just as there hadn't been in Forks. I took in the windows that covered three of the four walls, with large, wooden shutters that doubled as window coverings. The room's focus, though, was the large grand piano, in a dark mahogany finish that took up an entire corner of the room. The piano itself was closed, unlike the one in Forks, which always seemed to be open.

"What do you think?" he asked, as his voice snapped me back to attention.

"Well, it certainly seems comfortable. I think your room is bigger than my entire house," I added, with a laugh. The room was huge!

His gaze never left my face, which was starting to make me uncomfortable. For what reason, I had no idea, but before I could spend anymore time dwelling on my thoughts, he walked toward the piano, lifted the cover and sat down at the bench. Alice grabbed my hand and led me toward the beautiful instrument, her smile wide.

Edward stared at the keys for just a moment, before he closed his eyes, setting his fingers forward to play. The beautiful strands of music wafted through the room, so beautiful, so comforting. I immediately recognized the song that Edward had written for Esme, so sweet and stirring. Edward's eyes never opened, as he continued to play. He finished, before opening his eyes, when all three of us realized that we were no longer alone in his room.

"Edward, that was beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so much!" Esme exclaimed, the look on her face almost unreadable. I came to realized that it was joy and… confusion? The rest of the family looked somewhat shocked, as they stood next to Esme, having just stepped inside of his room. This evening continued to be incredibly confounding, but I chalked it up to my level of stress.

Edward started to play again, this time a different piece that I was unfamiliar with. The haunting notes of the piece stirred my cold heart and I remembered all the times that he had played his music for me. My thoughts drifted back to the night of my birthday, when Edward and Alice had given me a CD of Edward playing the piano, which included my lullaby. I never allowed myself to hear that piece of music in my mind. _Never._ When they had first left, I couldn't bear to listen to music, but Jake had slowly helped me to resolve that with myself. Now, I found myself listening to music most always, while doing other tasks. But, I had carefully avoided certain pieces of music that I knew would bring up painful memories, which would tear at the now, it seemed, ever-present hole in my chest.

Edward finished and looked up at all of us, before settling his eyes at me. "Would you like to hear anything else," he questioned, his eyebrows cocked, with that beautiful crooked grin.

"Well, I would love to hear more, but perhaps we should get back to why we are here. Unfortunately, I don't have unlimited time." It wasn't fun to be the wet blanket, but there was still so much to discuss and I still had work in the morning.

Carlisle agreed. "We should head back downstairs. Bella is kind enough to share things with us and we need to be sensitive to her time constraints."

And, with that we headed back down to the main floor of the house.


	14. Chapter 12: Torment & Comfort

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: Hello...sorry for the delay, but the server wouldn't allow me the opportunity to post this earlier this evening! I have to thank EVERYONE who has left me such wonderful reviews. It really makes my day to read them and encourages me to continue to apply my best efforts to this story. _

_I also need to thank my wonderful husband again - he helped me put a bit of Edward's thoughts into words - you've got to hand it to him...give him a scenario and he's able to bring a thought to life on paper. Thank you._

_Thanks for staying with me...enjoy the next chapter and feel free to leave me a review, if you're feeling generous...happy weekend!_

Chapter 12: Torment and Comfort

Edward's POV

I sat there as I listened to her speak of Jacob Black. She described him in direct contrast to what I had been to her. My cold, hard body was consistently different to how she illustrated him…

"_He was like my sun, my warmth."_

Bella's life had taken the course it should have taken, had I never been in Forks. Had I never met her, or, at the very least, had left her alone. It happened exactly as I had hoped it would, as those words I had spoken to her that hideous day in the forest, came back to haunt me.

"_It will be as if I never existed."_

She took up with Jacob, who I now knew was my enemy. A werewolf. A dog. A mongrel. He had healed Bella, had helped her recover from the extreme damage that I had inflicted upon her. He had put my precious Bella back together and she, in return, fell in love with him. And then I heard it…

"_By the end of my first year of college, Jake asked me to marry him."_

I immediately jumped from my seat, unwilling and unable to hear anymore. My love, my life, _my_ _mate_, allowing another man to love _her_ and she returning that love. Even worse, my natural enemy, being given not only the opportunity to be near her, but to have the audacity of asking for her hand in marriage; it was too much.

I had thought of asking her so many times, and yet knowing, because of our differences, her being human and me…not, would make the situation impossible, though I longed for it. I even explained as much that day in the meadow, when Bella inquired if marriage would be a possibility for us in the future. She seemed content when I subtlety told her "no", and she accepted that. Bella did not understand, nor could I explain to her at the time, the idea of how one of our kind loves. That the love we feel, once we find it, is unbreakable and unstoppable. We love that other being with everything that we have and if that love is taken or broken, it rips an immense part of ourselves away with it.

I made my way to the door, ready to run, when I realized that Emmett had beaten me there. From his thoughts, I knew that Jasper had blocked the other exit from the room and it was just a matter of seconds before the entire family started assaulting me with their thoughts, although Bella wouldn't know what was being said. My escape routes were gone and the mind battering attack that was coming was inevitable, as well as justified.

"_Edward, please don't leave," _Esme pleaded.

"_Brother, you brought this on yourself. I know you're hurting, but you aren't going anywhere. You need to listen to her," _Emmett said calmly, as his muscle flexed, ready to restrain me if necessary.

"_What did you expect? We told you not to leave her. It wasn't the right decision for you or for Bella, and this is the result of that choice. None of this should be a surprise to you,"_ Alice shouted, making me cringe internally.

"_What's the matter, Edward? Did she say something that upset you?"_ Rosalie quipped maliciously, obviously enjoying my pain, while her tone implied that she was bored with the whole experience.

"_You know I'm at the other door. There is no way that you're leaving again. You promised that you wouldn't put Esme through this again, and we all intend to help you keep that promise," _Jasper piped in, and I knew his immediate location had me trapped.

One voice, calmer than the others, reached out to me. My father, full of compassion, had the only words for me that held any real sympathy in my mind.

"_Edward, I'm so sorry that you had to hear that. I know how much you love her, but really, what did you think she would do? Her life took the intended path that you wished for her. You know that. I know that you are in immense pain right now, but I have to ask you to return to your seat. You can't continue to inflict pain on Bella. She's stressed as it is, and this may just send her from the house. Please tell me that isn't what you want…I have to think that you are willing to go through this exercise, if only to be near her," _he finished, his tone soft and calm, yet still had that parental tone of authority to it.

Her beautiful voice carried to me, taking me a moment to understand what she was saying, though I knew she was addressing my actions directly.

"_Was it something I said? I told you this story wasn't particularly happy, but believe me, this is the better part of the events. What's coming isn't exactly pleasant. If this is upsetting everyone, I won't go any further."_

Better? How is any of this better? I'm sitting here, images in my mind of her being held by another, kissed by another, being touched in ways that I had only hoped for…by someone who _wasn't_ me. And to make it worse, she fell in love with someone who wasn't good enough for her. Someone who loved her and then, what…let her go? This was as far from better as one could get.

Audibly, my mother spoke then. I could hear her words, though they made no sense to me. My heart was splintering into innumerable pieces and I was having a hard enough time standing upright, much less making sense of what she was saying to me. I could hear the intensity in her voice as she spoke and recognized that I needed to respond quickly, as those words were directed at me.

"_Edward, you are being rude to our guest. Please return to your seat, so we can continue. Edward, did you hear me?"_

I stood there, resignation taking over my entire frame, knowing that I had no choice but to sit and listen to Bella tell her story and swallow the pain of knowing she _had_ loved another. I spoke to her, apologizing for my rude behavior, though the words seem to stick in my throat. I couldn't bear for her to think that I was leaving because I no longer wanted to be near her, while her words continued to slice at my ravaged heart.

She spoke to me then, making me remember her kindness, her gift of human tenderness and it tore even more at me.

"_Edward, you're forgiven. However, there is no need for you to stay, if this conversation is making you uncomfortable. I understand. Whatever decision you make will be fine with me."_

She was giving _me_ a reason to leave her presence. Didn't she understand that I wouldn't leave her, and that now that she was back, I would look for any reason to stay near her? That, given the choice, I would _never_ have her away from me.

_Of course she didn't. _

She didn't love me anymore. The human love she had for me had died and been replaced by the love for another. Not one that was completely human, but one who could give her everything that I wished for her, everything that I would have given her, had that been a possibility.

I couldn't continue to give her the opportunity to allow her to question my actions or motives. If I were to have even the remote chance to have any type of relationship with her, I would need to remain calm and control my actions around her. I would need to slowly rebuild her trust in me. It might take forever, but I had time. Time was the one luxury I did have.

I returned to my seat, my brothers staying in their protective stance until they were confident I wouldn't bolt again. I looked at her, using every bit of my powerful gaze to lock onto her beautiful face, trying to focus my eyes on her as I had when we were still together, willing her to understand that I still loved her, that I had always loved her. And then, she looked away.

_I felt like a drowning man who, no matter how hard I swam, could never break the surface of the water. _

She asked if she should continue, obviously waiting for encouragement to carry on with the story that she was there to tell. It was then that I heard both the vicious language and thoughts coming from my sister, Rosalie.

"_If you must."_

Her thoughts were filled with loathing. She might as well be screaming her distaste for Bella, her thoughts tumbling down like an avalanche.

"_What an idiot. I wonder how she did it. She was so desperate to become one of us and here she is. Pathetic! She gave up everything she could have had, just to get her way. Stupid, stubborn little girl! And, what? I'm supposed to feel sympathy for her? If Esme hadn't threatened to take away my…"_

I blocked her murderous thoughts from my mind, instead focusing on what was in front of me. I was, as usual, embarrassed by my sister's antics and the idea that Bella had gone looking for this was ludicrous. I wanted to strangle her, as I'm sure, did every other member of my family based on their thoughts. Even Emmett, who normally could overlook her shortcomings, was mortified by her behavior. However, this time, I could sense that Bella wasn't going to just sit there and take it as she had in the past.

"_Rosalie, just as I explained to Edward, you are under no obligation to sit here and listen to my story. I won't be offended. There is no need for pretense. Please know that any decision you make will work for me."_

The tone of her voice and the slight hardness of her eyes told me that in the years since I last since her, Bella had taken to standing up for herself. I grinned internally, both at her response and at the thoughts that my family had in response to the communication going on between these two.

"_Good for you, Bella! Rose, could you just shut up?" _Alice chirped, her tone impatient.

"_Well, someone's ego just took a hit,"_ Jasper thought calmly.

"_Rose, baby, just once, can you think of someone besides yourself?"_ Emmett thought, his tone sad and resigned.

My mother, the sweet, loving, patient matriarch of our family, spoke then. Her prickly words immediately silenced Rosalie, and from the tone of her voice, even elicited an apology for Bella, though it was hardly sincere.

Bella went on to explain how she rebuffed Jacob in his attempt to secure her hand, which offered me little relief. She continued to say that her college experience had brought her to become a teacher, as well as administering to those individuals with special needs. Even in her career choice, my Bella showed her immense nature to love and accept. She had accepted me so long ago, even when I believed that no one could accept the fact that I was a monster and yet, she loved me and said that it didn't matter. And here she was, spending her days taking care of those that needed it most. Her own mother, who, in my opinion, didn't care enough for Bella as my own mother had, nor Esme, who continued to nurture me, was pleased with her daughter's choice, as I'm sure Charlie would have been. My pleasant thoughts were again interrupted when she spoke of the _dog_ joining her at school. But, at the very least, she had had the opportunity to attend college and broaden her experiences. For that, I was grateful.

I sensed that the conversation was taking a turn that no one in the family was anxious to hear, but we sat there, patiently waiting for her to continue.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_She stayed at his house? He stayed at hers? _I couldn't stomach the thought of that mongrel touching her, even if she said that the arrangement was simply for protection. My mood was dark and I knew that my eyes reflected that, when I felt Jasper send an intense wave of calm, most likely for my benefit. I must have been putting my brother through hell tonight. I made a mental note to apologize to him as well as ask him what Bella's feelings were during the evening, in hope that she felt something, _anything_ for me. But that would have to wait.

She went on to talk about Jacob's business and how he was planning for their financial future. Money had _never_ been an issue for my family but I had to give the dog credit. He was doing everything he could to provide for Bella, in addition to doing what he could to keep her safe. Emmett's disgusting thoughts and words came flooding out, and thankfully, Rosalie stopped him.

_Paul?_ _His mother? A war? _

_Is this it? Is this how Bella was turned? _My thoughts raced, as I prepared myself for the information that, I hoped, would give me a glimpse into what had happened to my Bella. I was ready for a fight, ready to destroy what had taken her perfect life from her. I didn't care how long it took or what I had to do.

My thoughts were whirling with all the details she was throwing at us. Suddenly, she was talking about Jacob again. The love for her ex-husband was obvious, as was the tell-tale ring that she still wore, obviously his wedding ring to her. She still loved him. I wasn't sure if I could take much more.

_She proposed…to him? _Had I been there, had I not been so utterly and completely insipid, this would have never happened. I would have found a way to make it work. I would have proposed, in the most romantic way imaginable. When we were still together, I had had dozens of scenarios pass through my mind as to how I would secure her as my future wife. I would have done something so completely perfect that Bella couldn't refuse me. In my human days, a woman never asked her intended for _his_ hand in marriage. It simply wasn't done. But, Bella wasn't your typical human. She was special. She realized who she loved and wouldn't let go; when she almost lost him, she took steps to secure him as hers forever. She didn't repeat my mistake. If only I had done that…

I had completely forgotten to keep my face, my eyes, my voice devoid of any emotion, when I heard her sweet voice speak directly to me again.

"_Edward, are you alright? Have I said something to upset you again?"_

Her voice sounded sincere. Even during her stress, she was committed to sparing others any type of uneasiness. I needed to respond. _Get a grip on yourself!_

"_No, Bella. I was just trying to concentrate on everything you were saying. Please don't let me stop you. Go ahead and continue."_ I needed to stay in control. I'm sure this evening was hard enough on her. We had basically strong-armed her into coming here and now she was spilling the details of the last ten years of her life, relieving each memory painfully. I couldn't heap more discomfort on her.

"_Well, he retrieved a little box for me from his desk; an engagement ring. He then got down on one knee and proposed. It was quick but very sweet."_

Lucky dog. Again, I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. He was prepared. He had a ring and he got the girl. I wished at that moment, I had human food in my system that my stomach could wretch back up. My stomach was utterly twisted and I felt the release would have been worth the discomfort it would initially bring.

_Her mother didn't exactly take the news well about her engagement? _I was sure that she wouldn't have exactly been pleased with her marrying a vampire either, but the thought of her marrying a filthy dog…her mother was right in showing displeasure at her daughter's choice.

Alice commented on how obstinate Bella was. Ha. We all laughed at her infamous stubborn streak. She was never one to take anything lying down. I had come across that stubbornness time and time again. It was good to see that some things never changed about Bella. She was still there; I had to cling to the hope in that.

Thankfully, Bella didn't go into great detail of her wedding and subsequent honeymoon with Jacob. The thought of her, looking beautiful in white, walking down the aisle toward another man was impossible to fathom. But, again, this is what I had intended for her, even if I never really wanted it. I just never thought that I would have to come face to face with it again. That I would have to sit and listen to her wistfully recount the memories of a life that I had intended for her, while at the same time wishing that man she had walked toward was me. That she had pledged her life to was me, that I could give her my name, my life, my love, my heart. She would always have my heart, even if she was never aware of it.

How could fate be anymore cruel?

OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I could immediately sense the change in Bella's tone when she began to talk about her pregnancy, as she was about to finish college. Surprisingly, my mood lifted a bit. If nothing else, Jacob could give her the one thing I never could: a child. She recounted every detail of how excited they were, how she and her family eagerly awaited the new addition to their family. I had watched human reactions and listened to their thoughts for over one hundred years and knew how such a tiny person could change a family's life, their family dynamic. I had witnessed the most selfish individual have a complete change of purpose when they brought a child into their existence. For so many parents, their children completely changed their way of thinking, their focus, their direction. It never ceased to amaze me how such a miniature little being could turn some people's lives so completely upside down.

But, Bella wasn't selfish. It was evident from the moment I met her that she was so different, so very special. This child would have been the most fortunate individual on the planet to have Bella as their mother. A person so capable of love, so completely able to accept an individual, regardless of what they were, who looked only on the heart and was able to see past anything, regardless of the situation or circumstance. Of all the experiences I had hoped for Bella when I left her, this one was what moved me the most.

The way she talked about Charlie and his obvious joy at the news of becoming a grandparent, as well as Renee's distaste at becoming a grandmother at such a young age made me smile internally. Both of them loved her and the fact that she would give them their only grandchild must have made that love increase tenfold.

I was concerned when she talked about her pregnancy issues. Having been to medical school, I was well aware of the issues that pregnancy could bring to any woman. Bella had a knack for attracting anything dangerous, and it looked as if her uncanny ability had followed her into the last trimester of her pregnancy. I was grateful, at the very least, that Jacob was good to her during that time and that she was well cared for and pampered. She deserved that and so much more. She deserved only the best while she was with child and even if I could have never given her that, I was pleased that she seemed to have felt loved, cherished and protected during those difficult months while she awaited the delivery of her infant.

I could sense that we had reached a critical part of her story. Her gaze focused on the floor, while she twisted the tiny gold band on her left hand, her ring finger. Her words came faster, full of emotion, while she refused to look at any of my family members, her face taking on the transient quality of someone deeply concentrating, while at the same time painfully reliving something that may have been better left buried.

_Cesarean? _The complications that could have arisen from that procedure…my stomach dropped when I heard that simple word. I could see the look on her face when she talked of the fear that ripped through her person. But, typical Bella wasn't worried for her own sake or safety. Her only thought was for her child. Just as she was always willing to sacrifice her own needs for others, this was no different. She never thought of herself and as she had no self-preservation as part of her conscience, this made her even more endearing, though still maddening to me.

It was obvious that Jacob stood by her, caring for her every step of the way. When she was frightened, he comforted her. When she lacked self-esteem, he encouraged her. He had given her everything that I could have hoped for when it came to Bella. I hated the mutt, but I regretfully acknowledged his presence had been there when she needed it most. _But, I still couldn't understand why he had let her go…_

A baby girl. My Bella had a daughter. A baby girl…I just couldn't believe it. What did she look like? Was she stubborn like her mother? Did she have the same thoughts, the same dreams, the same wonderful qualities that made Bella so utterly endearing, so perfect? Would she also suffer from Bella's resounding lack of understanding what she had to offer to others? What type of person would she grow up to be?

I had lost myself in this overwhelming barrage of information when I heard her speak of how Jacob found out he had a daughter. So many men, however protective of their little girls, longed for sons; strong boys to carry on the family name, to grow and become respectable members of society, which reflected their upbringing. Again, his reaction surprised me. I had envisioned Jacob to be resentful of Bella in giving him a daughter, though that wouldn't be her fault. Her account of events told me that he was beyond happy with his new little girl. She spoke with so much love for this half-man, this dog that I hated, simply because he was a werewolf. But, if I investigated my feelings further, I would know that I hated him even more because he had won the affections of the only woman that I would ever love. As little sense as it made, I wanted to kill him.

I fought to control my inner turmoil, determined to focus only on her words and tried to imagine how the first moments of her being a mother would have been. I allowed myself a moment of fancy, imagining that I had been there, that I had been the father of her baby. Had fate been different, had been kind, I would have met her as a human, would have pursued her, romanced and married her, finally celebrating the moment of becoming a parent by her side. I would have had the opportunity to introduce our daughter to my beautiful wife for the first time, being part of an intimate family moment, and to see the complete look of joy on her face as we witnessed what our love had created. Instead, I got to hear it second hand and know that that existence would never be mine.

What a perfect name…Grace Alice. I could hear my sister's thoughts as she absorbed this new piece of information.

"_Grace…Alice? Did she name her daughter after me? No…she couldn't have. I hurt her too much. But, why THAT name?"_

The thoughts of my other family members were incredulous as well.

"_I remember my son,"_ Esme started.

"_Grace? Is she hoping that she doesn't inherit her mother's clumsiness?" _Emmett's thoughts chuckled to me, his kindness shining through his mocking.

"_A baby? Are you kidding me? A baby girl…" _Rosalie's thoughts echoed through my mind, quickly followed by her voicing her jealous expression.

"_Bella, you __**had**__ a daughter?"_

Bella's eyes turned hard, her expression, which had been wistful and full of earnestness in remembering what must have been the most important day of her life, turned lethal. She leapt from her chair, approaching Rosalie, looking like a lioness ready to strike.

"_**I **__**HAVE**__** A DAUGHTER! **__How dare you say such a thing to me? Just because I can't be with her, just because she's far away from me, just because she has absolutely no idea who I am, doesn't mean that I'm not her mother! She's __**mine**__ and nothing can change that. Nothing! Who the hell do you think you are?"_

I could hear the growl rising from her chest as she pushed Rosalie away from her with such force that my adopted sibling almost hit the floor before Emmett caught her securely around the waist. Bella made her way toward the pocket doors that led to the vestibule of our family home, ready to leave. I panicked, my heart knowing that if she left, I would never see her again. After seeing her again for the first time in a decade, I couldn't lose her again. I needed more time. I had to stop her, if only to attempt to comfort her.

The entire family stood, in respect to her. Some of their thoughts reflected mine, as others cried out for her loss. As she pushed past Rosalie, I tentatively reached out to touch her hand. For only a moment, I was terrified that she would retract from me, but I had to take this chance.

I reached for her tiny hand, the feel of her skin on mine reminding me of every time that I had been fortunate enough to have that close, personal contact. I spun her toward me, the quickness of my movements forcing her into my embrace. I wrapped my arms around her, reminding myself to be gentle while I held her, safe in my protective grip. She struggled at first and I feared that I was holding her too tightly, or that she was unwilling to allow me to touch her. But then she relaxed, while I felt her head sink into my chest.

Her scent was overpowering, the floral mix of freesias with the unmistakable mix of her own natural vampire scent, which was new to me. It made me wince, again realizing what she had become.

Not being able to help myself, I quickly took access of her, my hand involuntarily finding its way to her thick mass of mahogany hair. My fingers wove their way through her mane, pulling her even closer to me, while I allowed my cheek to rest on her head. I couldn't think of anything to say to lessen the grief that was coming off her in waves. I could feel the sobs that were threatening to erupt from her tiny frame. For the first time, I felt the physical differences in her. Her skin, which had once been so soft, so warm was like mine now. I could no longer hear her heartbeat, which was like the never-ending rhythm of my endless days. I missed her heartbeat. It was one of the most significant parts of holding her at night while she slept all those years ago. It tempted me and soothed me all at once. I cursed myself again when I realized I was the reason she had lost so much.

Her body began to shake more violently and I tightened my grip on her, pulling her even closer to me. I continued to rock her back and forth, hoping that I was giving her some relief from the pain of not being with her child. She should be there, everyday, watching her little one grow, holding her and watching her experience everything that life had to offer. She relaxed even more into me and I allowed myself the belief that I was helping her get through this moment.

More than anything, I cherished every moment that I touched her. I allowed myself a moment to bask in her scent, to relish the feel of her in my arms. I thought back to every moment that I had embraced her and even though I knew it couldn't go on forever, I fervently wished that it could. I would do anything, give anything to keep her with me. I felt that fate had given me a moment of peace, allowing me to hold this angel in my arms and that she, in return allowed me to comfort her.

All too soon, she gently pushed herself away from me, while I fought to let her go. My body screamed to keep her pressed tightly against my frame. I had thought of nothing else since this afternoon; holding her, touching her, being close to her again. No, I had thought of being with her again like this for a decade. I had made the biggest mistake of my life when I left her, regardless of the reasons. But, for the first time in a long time, I felt grateful for the moment I had just spent with her. If I never saw her again after tonight, and I prayed ardently that that wouldn't be the case, I could hold onto this one perfect moment, regardless of how it originated. She was in so much pain and she had allowed me to comfort her. I felt that if she remained, I would fight like hell to make her mine once again.

She stared at the floor, while my mind, my eyes willed her to look up at me. I, again, tried to think of something that could alleviate her suffering when I heard my sister thoughts. To say that I was shocked by such a simple statement was an understatement.

"_She lost everything."_

She was standing close to both of us before she spoke and I was anxious for Bella when I realized that she was about to address her. Bella had suffered enough and I would not allow her to be attacked again tonight.

"_Bella, I am so sorry. I never meant to offend you. I just can't believe that you had it all. You had everything. Everything that I would give my immortality for. You had the normal, human life. The husband that loved you. The home and your very own baby – a baby girl. You had everything you should have had, that all of us should have had. I just can't believe that this happened to you. I can't believe that you lost her, lost your life. I never meant… You will always be that little girl's mother. Please forgive me. Oh my…what have I done? I never meant for any of this to hurt you."_

She began to move, obviously about to run from the room to hide from her embarrassment. It was evident to me, as it was to the rest of the family that she and Bella finally had something in common. Maybe not in common, but Rosalie's steel-like exterior had finally cracked. We all knew that she struggled the most with what we were and when she realized that Bella had had everything and still lost it all because of an unexpected vampire attack…well, it was too much for her to fathom.

Rose resisted Emmett's grip for a second before she was able to release herself, throwing her body at Bella. She hugged her with such force, I was fearful that she had hurt her, until I had to remind myself again that Bella was no longer destructible. She stood there for a moment, holding her tightly. Bella looked dazed until finally, she returned her embrace.

I had never in my existence seen anything like it.


	15. Chapter 13: Fate

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: Thank you, thank you, thank you for the awesome reviews from the previous chapter...I broke my own personal record and I cannot begin to tell you all how wonderful it feels to know that people love this story as much as I have loved writing it, nurturing it and giving it all to you! It's been wonderful..._

_Also, I'm dedicating this chapter to **heartbroken1**...she sent me a great idea and encouraged me to use it...thank you, K!_

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 13: Fate

As we prepared to leave Edward's room, all of us filing out toward the main landing, Edward rushed in front of me, grabbing something from the top of the built-in desk that was situated in the corner of the room that I hadn't noticed was there before. His movements were so swift, I barely had time to take in what was happening. I did, however, notice that whatever he had grabbed appeared to be a photograph of some kind. He quickly put the photo in his pants pocket and turned to me, a bright smile across his face, while he stepped aside, motioning for me to exit the room first.

With the rest of the family, we made our way out of his room, Alice by my side, while Edward turned off the lights, shutting his door and following swiftly behind us. We headed back downstairs, Emmett telling jokes and everyone laughing together, while I focused on what lay ahead of me.

As I descended the stairs it happened. _Why now?_ I had almost reached the bottom when I lost my footing, my high heel stubbornly getting caught in the hem of my pants. I stumbled, before two strong hands, hands that I knew very well, caught me.

He had set me on my feet while I gazed up at him, the look in his eyes curious and amused, before he spoke. "Bella, of anything you could have retained of your humanity, you got to keep your clumsiness. I don't think I've ever seen a vampire trip before, especially not over their own two feet!" Edward exclaimed, thinking his joke extremely humorous, all the while trying to reign in his own laughter.

Everyone had burst into laughter by that point. Even I had, though I wasn't willing to go down without a fight. "Well, just so you know, Edward, I don't stumble everyday. Just once in a great while. I might also add that it helps me fit better in with those humans that I encounter on a daily basis. _You_ could try to not be so perfect and graceful all the time. Have _you_ ever thought of that?" I responded, trying to sound irritated, but had broken into all-out laughter by the end of my speech. By now, I, too, saw the humor of the situation.

"Bella, I've missed that. You have got to visit more often. I literally haven't laughed like that in years!" Emmett exclaimed.

Carlisle broke in then, "Alright, we've had enough fun at Bella's expense. Let's get back to why we're here, if you're ready to continue, Bella," he declared, offering his arm to me to guide me back to the living room. Edward's strong hands had released me by that point, but I had experienced those familiar shock waves where his strong hands had come into contact with my waist.

"It's alright. It really is funny, when you think about it. I guess my clumsiness is just an engrained part of my DNA and even with my _conversion_, it's just as stubborn as I am. But, yes, I'm ready to continue, Carlisle," I responded, trying to make my voice sound light, while my spirits were anything but, when it hit me what I was about to reveal to them.

We reconvened in the parlor, everyone taking their original positions. I had come to the part of the story that I was dreading, the part where my happy life had fallen apart. The part where I finally understood that I was never meant to find everlasting love, and how I had learned that lesson in the most difficult way possible.

Every member of the family looked at me reassuringly, their eyes bright and their expressions curious. I began by taking in a long, if unnecessary, breath.

"Well, we were a perfect, happy little family. _We were so happy_. Busy, tired, but incredibly happy. I started work at the reservation school in the beginning of October, and Grace spent days with other pack wives who stayed home with their kids. She was safe and my days flew by. Work, pick up Grace, run home to make dinner; Jake would come home to eat, kiss me on the cheek and play with the baby, while I was the happy little domestic wife. Life was good. Life was….well, pretty damn wonderful. I never thought it could be like that. Having only my parents as examples, I was shocked that things that were so normal could be so great."

"By the end of the first school semester, we had settled into a little routine. With Jake working at the shop more than full-time, I took over most of the responsibilities for Grace and the house. I started working on my Master's degree by that time, when Grace wasn't quite a year old. The end of the year came and we celebrated with a little family vacation. The summer flew by and before we knew it, the school year had come around again. We quickly settled back into the same routine."

"The first semester of school went by without a hitch. Things were as busy as always, and we fell into the same routine. Jake was ready for another baby, but with grad school and how busy he was at the shop, we both decided that we should wait a bit longer. So we continued as we were. The holidays came and went and before we knew it, spring was right around the corner."

I paused, not wanting to continue, but knew that I was putting off the inevitable. So I steadied myself and went on.

"A major outbreak of nasty flu had spread through Forks and La Push, so student attendance was down. I had gotten it myself and missed several days of work recovering. I knew it was just a matter of time before Grace got it. I dreaded the thought of my little girl being sick, but she had been exposed by not only me, but some of her pack 'cousins' as well. Jake was impenetrable, being a werewolf and all. He never got sick and if he got hurt, his rate of healing was astounding, if not miraculous. I didn't have to worry about him."

_Or so I thought…_

"Teacher conferences started and I was booked back to back for two solid days. Seeing parents, especially when their child has special needs, took a special finesse, and a lot of patience. I was fortunate that my student's parents that year were very understanding and that I was able to accommodate everyone's schedules."

I explained that the first day of conferences came and went. During the second day of parent meetings Grace got sick; really sick. Emily, Sam's wife, tried to call me at work, telling me that she needed me to come and get Grace, and that we might need to take her to the hospital. When she couldn't reach me, she called Jake at the shop. He immediately left work and picked her up. He got her to the hospital, where she was burning up.

"My little girl was so sick. I left work as quickly as I could and met him there. Jake looked pretty unnerved by the whole thing. Grace had never been this ill before, but she was running a high temperature and was quickly becoming dehydrated," I recalled, before glancing up at Edward.

It was at that moment I remembered that Edward had been dying of the Spanish Influenza when Carlisle changed him. The look on Edward's face was one of pure curiosity. I realized that he might be reflecting back on his own life and how something as simple as this sickness had, in fact, ended his mortal life, where now, modern medicine was able to save most anyone who got something as simple as the flu.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I just realized that this story might be unsettling to you. Here I'm talking about my little girl suffering from a rather bad case of the flu and with what happened to you…before Carlisle changed you," my voice trailed off.

"Bella, I appreciate your concern, but that was a long time ago. Please go on," his tone serious and caring. "What happened after you arrived at the hospital?" he finished, putting my fears to rest.

"Well, she was in intensive care for a couple of days, with an IV to help with the dehydration and oxygen to help her breath. She started to improve almost immediately and I was so relieved that we would get to take her home soon. She looked so tiny in that crib, so pale, even with her dark skin."

"But Grace was a fighter and she finally responded to my touch, my voice and the doctor let me hold her on the second day, while I breastfeed her. My heart started beating at a regular pace again when I realized that the real danger had passed. Jake wouldn't leave her side. I'd never seen him so scared before. Not my big husband, my protector," I finished, my voice almost a whisper.

"By the third day, the doctor said she could go home in the morning, and although I tried to convince Jake to go home to rest, he refused. I stayed the whole night with him, so he could call his pack brothers to check on "business" and then call in to make sure the shop was doing ok."

I went on to explain that the morning came and the nurse stopped by with the release paperwork for us to sign. I went over the discharge paperwork with her, talking about the signs to look out for it Grace relapsed, as well as her medication and what necessary care she would need until she was completely healthy. Jake walked in at that moment, and after he checked on Grace in her crib, I motioned over to him to meet the nurse and had her go over the same instructions she had just talked to me about in regards to Grace's post-hospital care.

"Jacob looked at the nurse strangely. He broke out in a sweat, which was strange considering that he was used to being so warm all the time. The look on his face was completely unreadable. I couldn't understand why he was acting so strangely. Initially, I assumed that he was still nervous that our little girl wasn't out of the woods yet. He seemed to hang on every word that the nurse had to say, but I couldn't figure out why he was behaving so completely unlike himself. The nurse finished and excused herself from the room, before I finally addressed him directly."

"_Jake, are you alright? Grace is fine. The doctor came in this morning while you were making phone calls. Her fever is almost gone and she's responding well to treatment. She's keeping her food down. I have a couple more days off from work to take care of her. Everything is fine now. Why don't we get her bundled up and head home? I know you could use a nap before you head off to work. Jake, are you listening to me?"_

"_What? What were you saying, Bella?"_

"Jacob was still staring in the direction of the door the nurse had exited from when he responded to me. I had to hit him in the arm to get him to focus and look back at me. I chalked up his behavior to lack of sleep. Even though he was a werewolf, he still needed basic things to survive and sleep had been non-existent to him for a few days. He finally seemed to compose himself and we got the baby ready to finally go home. The ride there was quiet. Jacob seemed to be a million miles away. I left him in his thoughts, still assuming that he was tired and drained from the last few days of events."

"The next few days went on as usual. Jake was working overtime at the shop, having missed so much work due to Grace's illness. We got through the weekend and by Monday, I was back at work. Grace was as good as new, laughing and hungry, which to me were good signs. Jake offered to take her to Emily's that morning, so I could catch up on things I had missed during my absence," I continued.

I went on, "Things should have gone back to normal that week, but Jake's strange mood continued. I tried to talk to him about it, but he shrugged it off, claiming he was tired and insisting that nothing was wrong. I chalked it up to his exhaustion, as well as all the work he had missed. He was no different with Grace. He picked her up everyday when he got home and played with her. He could make her giggle with just his warm hands tickling her little belly. It was wonderful to watch them together. He looked so happy."

I went on to explain how Jake had become more distant from me. At first, I didn't take it personally. He'd still come home in the evenings and kiss me, but there was something different, something I couldn't put my finger on. I assume he had his mind on things and with all of our responsibilities, especially Jake's, things were always hectic. But, after a couple of weeks, I couldn't ignore the nagging fears that were haunting me.

"_Jake, what's going on? You seem like you've got something on your mind. Do you want to talk about it?"_

"_Bells, everything is fine. But there's some pack business that I have to attend to. I'll be gone more in the evenings, but it's nothing to worry about."_

"Jake explained that he had to do more patrols. At first, I thought that was the reason for his distance from me. He normally told me everything that was going on in pack business, but occasionally, he would hold back on some of the finer details. I thought things must be bad again, but when I mentioned it, he shrugged it off."

"_Jake, is there something going on? Do we have another problem with any covens passing through? Should I be worried?" I asked him._

"_Bells, there isn't anything to worry about. It's just a precaution. Don't get upset about it. Sam and I decided that extra patrols were necessary, so we'll just be out a few more times a week, until we feel satisfied that everything is secure. I won't be gone every night, but there will always be someone nearby to keep an eye on you. Quil and Embry may stop by once in a while, just as a precaution, ok?" he finished, before he headed out._

"I tried to keep my mind busy while he was gone. It was almost easier when he wasn't at home. At least that way, I couldn't see firsthand that I was starting to lose him. Hindsight is 20/20, but at the time all I could see is that my husband wasn't talking to me. Wasn't touching me anymore. Couldn't seem to form a cohesive sentence when he was talking to me, like he was somewhere else. He was just there in body. His mind was no longer present. I thought it would pass, but it just got worse."

I paused for a moment, as the hole in my chest started to ache. The pain was becoming stronger, but I wouldn't let myself fall apart here. I hugged my chest, willing the hole to close. If nothing else, I still had my pride, though it kept me from really expressing what I was feeling at that moment. I had had one outburst that evening. There would not be a repeat performance.

I explained that Jake's increased patrols and his distance went on for almost two months until one significant night when the phone rang.

"Sam called the house. Sam was the pack leader, the "alpha" shall we say. His orders couldn't be ignored, and he kept in contact with Jake to go over strategy. Jake was second-in-command, the "beta", so to speak. Did I mention that?" I mentioned, my mind far away, my words starting to trail off.

"Anyway," I quickly regained myself and continued, "Sam called one night. He asked for Jake, but when I explained he was out on patrol, Sam sounded concerned."

"_Patrol? That's what he told you?"_

"My heart dropped. Was Jake doing something stupid to protect us? Was he keeping secrets from the pack? But, then I knew, there were no secrets."

I explained to the Cullens that when a werewolf "phases" for the first time, their mind is connected to the rest of the pack when they are in their animal form. "At first, Jake hated that part. There were no secrets. No privacy. But, it was effective for communication. That was the point. If you needed someone and they were in their wolf form, they could get to you quickly. During a fight and that horrible war with the covens that I told you about earlier, they could strategize. It's hard to explain, but they are connected mentally, like they can hear each other's thoughts. But, again, there are no secrets." By now, I was rambling, dreading the face that I was about to disclose something that I still grieved over.

I kept forcing myself to breath in and out, to maintain my sense of calm. This part of the story was much harder than I thought it would be, but I couldn't help but start to panic in my own mind. I never allowed myself to think about these events. They just hurt too much.

"_Sam, he told me he's on patrol. He's gone at least four to five nights a week. What's going on? Is there something that neither you nor he is telling me?"_

"_Bella, don't worry about it. I'll go out and find him. Everything will be fine."_

"Sam wasn't one for conversation, especially with wives. He was in charge, essentially chief of the whole tribe. That honor was supposed to be Jacob's, but he turned Sam down when he offered it to him. Jacob's lineage was much stronger, but he had no desire to be in charge. He was happy with the ways things were and he didn't want to add more responsibilities to complicate things more than they already were in his life. He was happy being second in command."

"I finally got off the phone with Sam, who again assured me that everything was fine, not to worry and that he would find Jacob. I hung up the phone and tried to wait patiently for him to call me back or for Jacob to come walking in through our front door. The sheer panic and fear was starting to drive me crazy. When Jacob finally did come home, everything changed. There wasn't any way to go back. The damage was done and there was absolutely no way to fix it. My happy life with Jacob was basically over."

I sat there for who knows how long, before Emmett spoke. I had been twisting the gold band around my finger again, staring into space, having lost myself in the story.

"Bella, what do you mean the damage was done? _What did Jacob do to you?_" he questioned, somewhat menacingly, while his eyes were full of tenderness for me. But the muscles in his strong arms were rippling, looking as if he was getting ready for a fight.

"I know about the treaty, Emmett. Jake told me all about it. But, how much do you know about werewolves, _exactly_? Have you ever heard of imprinting?" I stammered.


	16. Chapter 14: Imprint

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

A special thank you to my wonderful beta…heartbroken1.

Chapter 14: Imprint

"_Imprinting?_ What the hell is that?" Emmett asked me, his face contorted between looking serious and befuddled.

"Imprinting is when a werewolf meets their true mate - their intended soul mate. It happens when they see that perfect someone the very first time. It's part of their legends, almost magical the way they talk about it. One of those 'wolf' things, as Jacob used to call them. They meet the one person that completes them. Jake described it to me once like gravity. They are held in place by that person, and regular gravity isn't quite the same anymore. They would be anything for that individual. Anything they need or want."

"They are completely attuned to them, knowing exactly what that person needs; how to complete them, really. It's so hard to explain, but the world now revolves around that person, their perfect mate. Nothing else matters anymore. That person's happiness is their first concern and the pull of the attraction is something that can't be ignored. It's irrevocable, unstoppable. The love and adoration is pure and undeniable. There's no going back."

I realized that I was becoming incoherent by that point, as I continued to ramble, but I couldn't stop myself. I had repeated the same argument in my head over and over when it had happened, if only to try and salvage my pride and to attempt to stop the pain that had torn my heart in two for the second time in my life. The ever-present hole in my chest threatened to knock the wind out of me, as the pain I had thought forgotten resurfaced.

"Bella, did Jacob imprint on you? Or, are you saying he imprinted on someone else?" Jasper asked, his voice betraying the confusion that I'm sure everyone else was also feeling.

"Jake and I assumed that he had imprinted on me long ago, even if we never talked about it. I think he wanted to believe it, but he knew what the feeling of imprinting was really like. I mentioned before how the pack mind, when they 'phased', was connected. They not only see everything, but feel everything as well. If they were upset, angry, happy, confused…everyone could see and feel it. Like I said, no secrets. No privacy. From his pack brothers, he knew what real imprinting felt like, and he hadn't imprinted on me, unfortunately."

"Then are you saying he imprinted on another…woman?" Alice looked at me, her face twisted with sadness.

"Yes."

"With whom?" Esme broke in, so quietly that I almost missed it.

"That day when the discharge nurse came to release Grace from the hospital, Jacob saw her for the very first time and that was it. It was all over. Even though I didn't know it at the time, every sign was staring me in the face. The way he hung on her every word, how he couldn't focus after she left. This tall, red-headed beauty of a nurse had stolen my husband from me and even _she_ didn't know it."

"Oh my…." Rosalie whispered.

I looked up to see seven faces. Seven beautiful faces full of pity. It was too much. I felt my resolve weakening, the aguish starting to take hold. I had seen the same look on the faces of the pack wives, the others in the reservation when Jacob and I split up. My pride had been wounded, but my heart felt crushed and the shame of the situation was unbearable.

But, tonight, I would not fall apart again. I put on a brave face and continued, "Jake came home. He looked guilty; really guilty. I could feel it rolling off him in waves. I had nursed Grace and was about to put her to bed. He followed me to the nursery, watching me put her down for the night. I tucked her in, walking past him as I left her room, not able to look at him directly. I knew the next few minutes were going to be pivotal, but I had no idea of the fight that was coming."

He followed me into the living room, and waited for me to say something. I had my back to him and was unable to face my husband, this man who had promised me so many things. Who had helped heal me, who loved me, who protected me. I finally turned to face him, only to see the guilt and shame covering his handsome features.

"_Jake, what's going on? I'm frightened. I'm beyond scared at this point. Please talk to me. What's this all about? You know you can tell me anything, right?"_

"_Bella, I don't know how to tell you any of this. Sam came and found me tonight. I'm sure that you must know by now, but he had no idea of any of this. No one does. None of us have had to phase for a while now. I'm sorry I lied to you, but I was trying to protect you. You've got to believe me on that one. I would never intentionally hurt you. I love you. Nothing could happen to change that, but… things are different now. Damn it! Why did this have to happen? Why now?"_

"And then, Jacob told me. He had imprinted. Imprinted on the nurse from the hospital. He told me it didn't matter, and that we would work things out. We would fight this, him and I. He said it changed nothing, and that we would win this one. Nothing to worry about," I continued, but I knew by now that my voice had gone flat, as I tried to protect myself from the familiar pain that was bubbling up in my chest.

"He crossed the room to hold me, but I wouldn't let him. I was so angry. So hurt. So completely and utterly ashamed. Even though I heard that little voice in the back of my head telling me that it wasn't something he could control, I felt so betrayed. If it didn't matter, where had he been for so many nights? What else was he hiding from me?"

"_Bella honey, please say something! I know this is difficult, but we can fix this. But, I have to know what you're thinking. Please talk to me…"_

"_What am I supposed to say, Jake? How do we fix this? Is there a way to fix this? And more importantly, where have you been all these nights when you were supposed to be patrolling? You promised to never lie to me, not even to protect me. Where the hell have you been all this time?"_

"My voice was shrill by that point and I woke up Grace. I rushed past him and went to comfort my daughter. I held her as my tears fell. She could feel my sadness, my frustration, my anger. It only made her cry harder. I tried as best as I could to calm down, but it wasn't any use. Jake came in and gently took her from me. He was always able to calm her down. Grace always responded well to her father, with his warm touch. She quickly went back to sleep and Jake and I went back out to the living room to talk."

"_Jake, I asked you a question. Where have you been all these nights? What have you been doing? Have you been with her? Have you been unfaithful to me?"_

"_Bella, I swear I haven't. I've been walking all over the reservation, trying like hell to come up with some kind of solution to this. I have NEVER cheated on you. I made vows to you, Bella, vows that I would never break, regardless of the imprint. I love you! Don't you believe me?"_

"_How am I supposed to believe you when I just found out that you've been lying to me for two months? What else haven't you told me about? What else are you keeping from me?"_

"_Bella, I promise you that I'm not keeping anything from you. Meghan knows nothing about this. I promise…"_

"_MEGHAN? HER NAME IS MEGHAN? So, you haven't been cheating on me, and you tell me that she knows nothing about this, but you know her name? What the hell am I supposed to do with that information? First__ you tell me that you've been faithful to me, that you haven't taken another woman into our bed or any bed for that matter, but you know her name? You tell me she knows NOTHING, but you know her stupid, insipid name?"_

"_Bella, I'm sorry. I can't help this, though I wish I could. I haven't contacted her, but I went to the hospital and found out her name. I couldn't help myself. But, that's it. I promise you, that's all that I've done. I don't know how to fix this. I can't stand that this is hurting you, but I don't know what to do. Sam says…"_

"_I don't give a damn what Sam says. It's bad enough that everyone knows about this, that I was the last one to find out that my husband doesn't love me anymore and that I'm being replaced by someone named MEGHAN…"_

"_I swear to you, Bella, no one but Sam knows about this. I love you so much. I can't even begin to explain how much you mean to me. I wish I could show you how much this is tearing me up inside. I can't function. The imprint is impossible; the pull is unimaginable, but I love _**you**_. That hasn't changed and it never will. Please let me hold you. Please let me try to make this right. I can't stand to see you like this…it's killing me…"_

"I couldn't look at him. I just sat there in the middle of the floor, the tears streaming down my face. Jake tried to come and hold me, and I let him, though my whole body was shaking. It was so humiliating. He was in love with another woman, something even more pure than love, and there wasn't anything that I could do about it. Crazy luck, huh? Typical Bella…" I finished, trying to sound light, before looking up.

I saw Edward's face first. It was twisted in rage, which completely surprised me. When I caught his gaze, he instantly sat back, his expression relaxing and becoming impassive, though his posture was anything but. When I looked around, I saw similar looks on the faces of each family member. Alice looked like she could have murdered someone at that moment.

"Bella, what did you do?" Esme asked me in the most gentle of voices.

"What could I do? Jake and I talked all night. He had imprinted, but he thought he could fight it; thought he could be the exception to the rule. He thought our love would be enough to fix this and make it right."

I went on to explain that we tried everything. A second honeymoon. More time together. We even considered moving away from the reservation, to another state if we needed to. But, I also explained the other changes that began to happen.

"We tried so many things, but they weren't working. I could see that Jake was miserable, trying to make this work. But, he wouldn't give up. He kept trying, even though I knew that it was ripping him apart. In his mind, he had made promises to me, promises that he would keep, regardless of what it cost him. Even before we fell in love, he promised to be there for me and he did everything he could to keep that pledge, even though it caused him so mudh trouble and heartache. But this was different. With everything he was doing, he was sacrificing the biggest part of himself and it was too painful to watch. I could see the torment on his face, feel the tension in his body when he would touch me. He still loved me; but I knew that his heart no longer belonged to me. I knew, long before all this escalated, what my fate would be. It had happened to Sam, Leah and Emily. I knew what was coming. I just wasn't willing to face it yet."

Rosalie spoke then, "Who the hell are Leah and Emily?"

I went on to tell them how Sam and Leah had been high school sweethearts, the both of them very much in love until the day that Leah was visited by her cousin Emily, and how Sam had imprinted on her. How things were never the same, and that eventually, the pull between Sam and Emily was unstoppable, and how Leah figuratively ate her own heart so they could be happy. That was my destiny now.

I had to let go and let Jake be happy, even if it meant the end of everything for me. But, at least I had Grace. That was the difference. Things would be a little better for me at least.

"I think the hardest part of the whole Sam, Emily, and Leah triangle was that with Leah being a werewolf herself, there was no escape for neither her nor Sam. Sam and Leah were bound in a way that no one could escape. When they were in their wolf form, they knew every thought, every emotion. Sam knew Leah's pain in being left behind. Leah knew how deep, how absolute Sam's love was for Emily. I felt so bad for Leah. She never had a chance. I also felt bad for Sam. He knew he had hurt her, broken every promise, but it really wasn't his fault. Just like it wasn't…"

"Are you telling us that there are female werewolves?" Jasper interrupted. "Are you serious? The pack in La Push has a female amongst them?" he finished, looking incredulous at the information I had just presented them with.

"Yes. Leah was one of the last of this pack to phase. She and her brother joined the group, not too long after you all left. The Quileute legends are taken seriously. But, the elders only thought that male descendents carried the mutated gene. When Leah joined the pack, it made the entire council sit up and examine every thing they _thought_ they knew about their legends."

"Jacob was the last of the pack to imprint, _to really imprint_, and when he did, they realized that every werewolf went through this to find their mate. I think the pack knew that, but was hoping that things would work out for Jake and me. That he would never meet that perfect person for him, _never see her,_ that fate would just leave us the hell alone. But, that didn't happen. I knew I only had one choice at that point. I would have to sacrifice my own happiness for Jake – so that _he_ could be complete."


	17. Chapter 15: Music & Murder

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: A very special thank you to my beta for cleaning up this mess of a chapter - man, do I owe you!_

Chapter 15: Music & Murder

Edward's POV

We all sat there, unsure of what to say or do, as Bella and Rosalie embraced. From the thoughts of my family members, the pure shock of the scene in front of us left us completely speechless, that is until my father spoke.

"I think we should take a break. I'm sure that Bella could use one, as could the rest of us. Bella, would that be alright with you?"

"A break would be fine, Carlisle. Esme, I would love that tour of the house now, if that would be alright."

"That would be lovely, dear. Come follow me."

Bella grinned in my mother's direction, and started to follow her out the back entrance of the parlor, heading toward the staircase. Alice followed, hot on her heels.

My sister had a fight raging inside her, and I was sure that it was only a matter of time before she would give into her need for information. Just like Alice, my curiosity was running wild. I wondered how long it would take for Alice to find the courage to ask the question that had been plaguing her mind since finding out… I was just as curious as to the answer that Bella would give her, once Alice roused enough courage to ask the question that had been in her mind since finding out that Bella had given birth to a little girl. But Alice would gently sidestep that question before committing to anything. She wouldn't come right out and say it.

"Bella, may I join you and Esme?"

For a moment, Bella looked startled. By now, I had moved into the vestibule of the house and had mentioned to Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper to come with me, so it would appear that we were just having a casual conversation, while the ladies went to tour the house with Bella.

In reality, it was unbearable to be separated from her, and by moving closer to where she was standing, I was able to steal tiny glances of her as she started to ascend the stairs.

Alice's enthusiasm at joining Bella was evident…she did nothing to hide her raw excitement, the enormous smile on her face as well as her jubilant thoughts betraying as much, at being reunited with her friend and she rushed to her with as much speed as I ever seen.

"I would love it if would join us. Come on. Esme's waiting."

Alice's impatience was starting to aggravate both myself and Jasper.

He spoke to me with a simple glance in my direction. While the look on his face was calm and serene, his thoughts were a complete contradiction,_ "I wish she would calm down. This night has been difficult enough for everyone. If she's curious, she should just get it over with and ask her. It will tear at her until she does…"_

I nodded once, barely moving my head. My siblings and I had become rather ingenious at communicating without speaking, which came in handy when either prying ears were around or we needed to relay information for safety's sake. It had been an absolute godsend when we saved Bella from the clearing all those years ago, as every member of the family assisted me with strategy as we kept an eye on Laurent, James and Victoria.

Alice continued to argue with herself in her mind, "_Should I ask her?... It's none of my business…Just ask her…" _Alice was fighting a battle that she couldn't win. Before I'd even realized she'd decided to, she spoke, "Bella, may I ask you a question? Or should I wait until we start again?"

Bella's voice fluttered down the stairs as she answered Alice, "Go ahead. What's on your mind?"

Alice let out a sigh. "_Here goes nothing," _she thought." "You said that you named your child Grace Alice. Why _Alice?" _

As soon as the question left her lips, she cursed herself internally, and I heard the shouting of her private thoughts at her inability to control her rudeness and inquisitive nature. But the question was out there, hanging in the air like fireflies on a hot summer night. Alice's thoughts were on overload, as her gaze had shifted to the floor. Her voice was so soft and hesitant, not at all what I was used to from my favorite sister. Her patience was wearing thin, as she grew anxious, waiting for the answer from Bella. From my vantage point, I stealthily caught a tiny smile form on Bella's beautiful full lips before she answered.

"You should know the answer to that question. When she was born, we both really thought we would have a boy and had plenty of appropriate boy names chosen. When she revealed herself to be a girl, we thought of her first name together and your name just sort of attached itself to her. Jacob wanted me to be happy, so he quickly agreed and that was that."

"You named her after me? But why?"

"Well, she has black hair, just like you. And, she is someone that I care about very much, just like you."

I heard Bella's gentle laughter, which had not been in abundant supply this entire night. It made my heart soar; I hadn't realized how very much I had missed it. I made a promise to myself that I would do everything in my power to return that laughter to her person, that I would find a way to make her happy again.

I returned my thoughts to Alice's and realized that I couldn't hear them, which, after so many years, made me more than anxious.

Silence. I tried to probe Alice's mind and when I finally heard something, it was like a freight train.

"_After me? I hurt her…there's a little human girl out there named after me…Bella's here and she tells me that she named her little girl after me…I never should have left…I should have at least contacted her…I don't deserve this…She didn't deserve to be treated like this…Bella had a baby girl and she named that little girl after me…This is astounding!"_

My head was swimming; Alice's thoughts were streaming quicker than she could run.

"But Bella, I know that I hurt you when I… when we left. How could you be hurt like that and still name your child after me?"

From the corner of my eye, I could see Bella gently take Alice's shoulders and give her a bit of a shake, which made Alice's gaze move up to her friend. The look on Bella's face was one of determination.

"Alice, please stop blaming yourself. I guess one of the main reasons I gave Grace your name was to hold onto you somehow. You and Jasper did so much to help me, to protect me. You were the first one to accept me into your family, after…Edward, and you always treated me like a friend. You may have also used me as your own personal dress up doll during prom, but I won't hold that against you."

Jasper was trying to maintain control of the emotions running through his wife when his thoughts told me that he'd had enough and sent out a particularly strong torrent of genuine joy, which everyone felt.

When Bella mentioned the word "prom", just for a moment, I lost all track of where I was, and my thoughts took me back to that wonderful night when I escorted Bella to this annual human tradition. She was so beautiful. Even in a cast, and her limping more clumsily than she normally did, she was the most breathtaking vision I had ever seen. I had respectfully asked for Alice's help in procuring her a gown, and to take the necessary steps in having her ready for a night that I had hoped would be memorable for the both of us. Alice was all too eager to shop and play human for a day with Bella.

While Bella was reluctant at first, when it finally dawned on her where we were going, she'd enjoyed herself as the evening progressed. Even with Jacob showing up and making me break my promise of not letting go of her the entire night. I remembered every minute detail. We discussed, or rather argued, again, her becoming one of us, which at the time, I was still completely against.

But with what had transpired, I had to ask myself one very important question, _"Why hadn't I just changed her when I had the chance?"_

True, I didn't want her damned to this eternal existence, but had I just followed that baser instinct, we could have had the last ten years together. There wouldn't have been that horrible night of her birthday party, the pain of us being separated, the last ten years of sheer agony. I would have my mate, my spouse; someone to spend every minute with, and to love more everyday.

True, she wouldn't have had Grace, but the thought of how much pain she was in when she talked of her tiny daughter was unbearable for me to watch.

But, I had left.

The last ten years had happened and Bella and I hadn't been together. Even now, I was torn. Knowing that fate had intervened when she became one of our kind, I still wanted all those things for Bella, even more so than I wanted her and I to be together.

From the moment I fell in love with her, after waiting for her, without even realizing it, for over 80 years as a vampire, my first priority was her. It would always be her. That fact would never change.

I was snapped back to reality when I heard Bella's voice carry down the stairs to me, as she and Alice continued to discuss their repaired friendship. "Please let all that go. All that matters is the here and now. Can't we just start again? I mean, if that's…what you want. If this is a one-time thing, I completely understand but, please stop with all the guilt. Believe me; it's just not worth it."

"Oh, Bella, this won't be a one-time thing. I have my best friend back and I have no intention of letting her go this time. I don't care what _anyone_ else says or does."

Alice's thoughts hit me full-force again, _"Edward, don't you dare make the same mistake this time. And just so you know, you and I will be discussing this at length after Bella leaves, so don't you dare go running off into the woods to be 'alone'."_

There would be much to discuss as a family after Bella had to depart for the evening, but I didn't want to entertain those thoughts. I wanted to stay here, in the present, and savor every moment that I was near her.

Bella and Alice met Esme on the landing of the second floor and I could catch their conversation in detail, as my mother eagerly asked about Bella's daughter. "Please don't think me rude, Bella, but I couldn't help but hear your conversation with Alice about your daughter. That was incredibly sweet of you to name her Grace Alice. Do you have any pictures?"

"Esme, I don't have pictures with me…I don't keep any actual pictures of her. I'll explain it soon, I promise."

"Well, darling, what does she look like? She must be beautiful, just like her mother."

Yes, if she looked anything at all like her mother, she would indeed be beautiful. Exquisite really. Jacob Black would have his hands full when boys began noticing her.

"Well, she has Jacob's coloring. Beautiful russet skin, shiny black hair, straight as an arrow. But, everyone says she looks just like me. She also got my brown eyes, which was a surprise. Charlie was taken aback the first time he saw her."

It was difficult to imagine my Bella with darker skin and black hair. I wondered if she would be tall like her father or more petite like her beautiful mother.

Her comment about Charlie didn't surprise me. I had heard his thoughts when I still resided in Forks and the love he had for Bella, even if he found it difficult to express, was immense. I'm sure that the love he had for his grandchild would be as encompassing, given the fact that he had had more time to spend with her than he had with Bella when she was that age.

The look on Bella's face was a bit sad, and I wondered what she might be thinking about in that moment. Alice piped in again; Alice never ran out of questions. She was a bit like a wind-up toy that never exhausted itself, but that was one of the things we loved about her. "How old is she?"

"She turned five, last month."

This time, the look on Bella's face, as well as the tone of her voice, was easy to read. The pain she was in, from being separated from her child, was tangible. The sadness that permeated her expression was insufferable for me to watch. I wanted nothing more than to go to her again and hold her, while my mind raced for a way to fix the situation.

While neither state of affairs was feasible at this moment, I, instead, found myself trying to calm my inner turmoil before I would be seated directly in front of her, listening to her pour her heart out, while I sat in anguish and watched.

Esme showed her Carlisle's study, while Rosalie sped up the stairs, her thoughts eager to join our mother and…had I heard her correctly…_sisters? _Realizing that she now considered Bella a sibling, I was again almost knocked off my feet, the air in my lungs whooshing out like a gale force wind.

When Rose reached them, she gently asked Bella is she would care to see hers and Emmett's room, which Bella graciously agreed to, although tentatively. She seemed as surprised by the newfound relationship that she was beginning to share with Rosalie as the rest of us. After some gentle teasing from Emmett, the ladies entered their room, and shut the door.

It wouldn't provide any protection against our sensitive hearing, but it would allow my brothers, father and me to converse as much as we could without being seen. The mental grilling began as soon as we heard the door's mechanism "click" in place as it closed.

"_Edward, now that's she back, what are you going to do?" _Emmett's thoughts were directed at me, blunt as usual. I'm sure that every member of the family would ask me the exact same question.

I answered him the only way I could. I lifted my shoulders, the universal gesture that I was sure everyone would understand. "_I have no idea."_

Carlisle looked at me directly, motioning for us to go outside so that we could talk more openly, away from the house where we wouldn't be heard. I shook my head "no". I wouldn't be gone if we were needed or have it appear as if we were disinterested. Any open conversation that we had would have to wait until Bella had to leave.

So my father, being the man he was, retrieved a small pad of paper and a pen, so we could converse more openly. He began to speak to me through his thoughts, while I hastily jot down responses.

"_How are you handling all this? I know this evening must be taking a tremendous toll on you."_

Carlisle could always read me so well, though my actions from this evening had given away the turmoil my mind and heart were experiencing. I wrote, _"She's been through so much. I always knew how strong she was, but even I had no idea how much she could have gone through in ten short years. And, I have a distinct feeling that there's much more she'll share with us, none of which is pleasant. But, I'm doing as well as can be expected. It's strange. I'm so happy that she's here, but watching her in so much pain... The more pain I see her in, the more it's tearing me apart inside. This is entirely my fault."_

Carlisle shook his head, as did my brothers. Their thought were in unison, as if they all belonged to the same choral group, _"No, it isn't."_

I shook my head, not willing to agree with them. The idea of how much Bella was suffering was unbearable.

We were interrupted by Bella's angelic voice complimenting Rose as they came out into the hallway, "Rosalie, your room is just beautiful. So romantic. You and Emmett must be comfortable here."

I thought to myself, "_What I wouldn't give you if you were to remain here with me..."_

Emmett couldn't help himself as he offered a haughty retort, "Bella, you have no idea how comfortable we are when we're in there! Just this morning…"

"Emmett, you're in so much trouble," Rosalie cut him off mid-sentence and we could hear her furious steps coming down the stairs to let him have it.

Our small female group was exiting Rosalie and Emmett's room and heading directly for Alice's suite, as Carlisle quickly hid the small pad of notepaper. We were acting like schoolboys fearful of being caught passing notes in class. Again, they stepped into the next room and shut the door behind them. My father retrieved the notepad, but I shook my head. With Rosalie here, I had no idea how she would respond to what we'd been talking about.

The female population in our home tended to band together, and I felt that it would be no different here, especially now that Rose had taken steps to having some type of relationship with Bella. I couldn't risk it. The continuation of this conversation would have to wait.

I heard my sister's thoughts as she joined us in the vestibule, _"Edward, I'm sorry for my comments early. I know this evening must be difficult for you."_

I smiled weakly in her direction, to let her know that I forgave her. Rose and I loved each other, even if we weren't always that close. She and I had the type of relationship where we didn't need to converse on a daily basis, but if one needed the other, we would be there, regardless.

Bella and Alice were exchanging teasing quips about the chaos of Alice's room. It didn't always look like that, but she had been acting a bit manic lately. It was little wonder why Jasper spent so much time in his study. Alice tended to get caught up like a whirlwind at times, and it had always been difficult for her to quiet herself.

Alice's thoughts began shouting at me as the ladies prepared to leave her room, _"Edward, get up here! Show her your room. Don't let Esme do it. We can both leave and give you and Bella a few minutes alone. Hurry!"_

Alone. I needed no more encouragement as I sped up the staircase, not making a sound, while I heard my mother speak, "The third floor ballroom is Edward's. The basement is where we keep the family office, as well as extra storage. Jasper has his own study down there as well. Would you care to see it?"

I stepped in front of Bella at that moment, and flashed her a smile, the same smile that she used to say "dazzled" her. I was beyond playing fair at the moment. I would use anything I could to be near her and if that included using weaponry from our previous life together, so be it.

"Esme, I'm sure that Bella would like to see the whole house. Bella, would you care to see my quarters? These old homes used to use their third floor as a ballroom for entertaining. I was fortunate enough that my siblings let me have it. Would you care to see it before we continue downstairs?"

I held my breath waiting for her response, while I looked for any tell-tale sign that my old tricks worked on her. After there was no reaction, I slowly exhaled, and while I tried to keep a smooth face, I could feel my smile start to drop. I was disappointed, but I wouldn't force anything on Bella. Especially not tonight…"Well, that's alright. We can head back downstairs to where the rest of the family is waiting."

Then she spoke, _"_Edward, I'm sorry. I would enjoy seeing your room. I wasn't trying to be rude. I meant nothing by it, but my mind is about full this evening."

I could barely contain the enthusiasm that spread through me, as I thought of having a few minutes alone with her.

I heard Alice's laughter as well as her thoughts as she and Esme began to walk away, _"Well, enjoy yourself and make good use of this time, will you? I can't continually set this kind of thing up…"_ She quietly chuckled to herself, obviously pleased with her scheming, before stopping abruptly.

Bella had, not so gently, reached out and grabbed her hand, before she took a turn to speak, "Alice, why don't you come with us?"

Bella had a look of slight desperation and it hit me. She didn't want to be left alone with me. My previous feeling of jubilation plummeted.

But Alice wasn't deterred. Her thoughts told me to be patient, to just hold on, before she audibly spoke to her friend, "Bella, I need to go downstairs and talk to Jasper for just a minute. I can come back and join you both when I'm finished."

But Bella's stubbornness returned and with it, she seemed to have picked up a card from Alice's playbook. She wouldn't be above using any weapon at her disposal either. Her attack method hit Alice right where she knew it would have the most impact. Begging… "Jasper can wait for a few minutes. Besides, you see him everyday. Surely, you can stay with me for just the next few minutes, can't you?"

I knew we had lost the battle. I was just hoping that I hadn't lost the war. I spoke then, to calm Bella and let her know that her request would be simple to accommodate,"Alice, if that's what Bella wants, then do join us."

Alice spoke an _"I'm sorry, Edward…I tried"_ in her thoughts to me before, she too, did her best to make Bella feel comfortable. "Well, I guess you're right; both of you. Edward, lead the way."

I took the lead up the staircase to the third floor, and when we all reached the landing, I opened the door to my room and turned on every light. I stepped back and motioned, with what I hoped was my most brilliant smile, and gestured for Bella to step in first. I just stood there, trying to read her face, as she took in my residence.

Her eyes looked over every square inch, until they finally rested on the grand piano that Esme had insisted on, though I had never played a note since I left Bella. Not for ten years. It was too painful. Bella hadn't said a word, and I sensed she was lost in her thoughts.

Alice was nudging me to break the silence with her thoughts. I spoke, "What do you think?"

She took a moment before answering, as laughter mingled with her response, "Well, it certainly seems comfortable. I think your room is bigger than my entire house!"

That was something. I had made her laugh. Her gaze was still focused on the piano and I decided to do something I thought I would never do again.

I crossed the room purposefully, and opened the piano's lid, praying that it hadn't fallen too much out of tune from lack of use. Surprise flooded Alice's thoughts and she was practically giddy when she took Bella by the hand and led her over to join me at the piano. Bella was the only person who could inspire me to play again. She was here. And I would play.

_But, what should I play?_

I instantly thought of Bella's lullaby, but quickly dismissed it. From the evening's discussion, I truly felt in my heart that she no longer held any love for me. That song was about our love. Only our love. Having a way to express my feelings for her was why I wrote it in the first place. It held every emotion, every touch, every thought. I'd used it to soothe her, to help her sleep every night. That song was over for us now, as much as I didn't want it be.

And as much as that hurt, my desire to protect Bella from any other distress was my first priority. But, I wasn't willing to give up on her. I was determined I would find a way to win her back, even if it took the rest of my existence. Right now, that was the only thing I held any certainty in.

I began with Esme's song, a song that my mother hadn't heard me play for her in ten years. The other members of my family rushed up the stairs quietly, their thoughts incredulous.

My mother's thoughts were more distinct than my father's or siblings', and they were quickly put into words that every other person in the room could hear, "Edward, that was beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so much!"

As I finished the first song, I quickly transitioned into another that had reminded me of the pain I felt without Bella. It brought back every agonizing, lonely day I'd spent since that day in the forest. The memories were abrupt and cruel, but I kept my eyes closed and my face devoid of any emotion as I tried to focus on the fact that she was here now, and that with any luck, I would never feel that loneliness again. That she would stay, and she and I could begin again.

I finished the piece and opened my eyes, focusing my gaze upon my beautiful Bella. Before I could stop myself, I asked her a question that I hoped would give me some insight into her feelings for me, while I wished that whatever I could not glean from her mind was in complete opposition to what I had seen from her outward appearance…that she still cared for me,_"_ Would you like to hear anything else?" _Please, Bella, ask for your lullaby, please_…I repeated the mantra in my head.

But, my hopes were dashed again, as her voice responded with the answer I was almost assured she would give before I even asked, "Well, I would love to hear more, but perhaps we should get back to why we are here. Unfortunately, I don't have unlimited time."

My father's statement echoed her words, "We should head back downstairs. Bella is kind enough to share things with us and we need to be sensitive to her time constraints."

And with that, we all turned to return to the first floor, eager for whatever else she would share with us.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

As we were leaving, a moment of panic flooded through me. Right near the door to my room, my desk had a tell-tale sign of its own. As much as it pained me, I kept pictures of Bella. Alice used to tell me how masochistic I had always been, and now, I knew how very right she was.

There weren't many pictures of her and I, as Bella had always been camera shy, but when I left her, I took the photographs she had intended to send her mother and kept them. I kept only those photographs that included her and there weren't many.

However, the picture on my desk this very night -- this night full of surprise, suffering, and ironically, happiness -- was the picture of Bella and me from the night of the prom. Esme, my sweet mother in this hellish existence of a life, had insisted on taking photographs of all of us before we left for the high school dance.

Bella still hadn't figured out was going on, but to make Esme happy, she posed for pictures and by the end of those few moments, she had been laughing and smiling, as well as holding me as close as I allowed her to.

Those stupid, senseless boundaries I had placed on our relationship, which, necessary at the time, made my heart cry out. I had had so many opportunities to be near her and I had always kept her at arms' length. Was this the reason, that when I left, when I lied to her, when I tore both of us apart, she decided to let go of my love -- her love for me -- and be with another?

_How could I have been so stupid?_

I needed to get that photograph out of sight and do so quickly. Forgetting my manners for a moment, I rushed past the members of my family and scooped it up, settling it into my pocket. I didn't care if the photograph was damaged. I had taken the liberty of having hundreds of copies made, stored away in a fireproof box, so that I would have this physical memory forever.

I had even gone so far as to have it digitally preserved, as a secondary precaution. I never intended to exist after Bella's human life ended, but while I waited for each decade, each year, each day and passing hour to slowly extinguish itself, I would have a way to look on her beautiful face, though the remembrance of it was permanently etched on my mind.

I stepped aside, turning back to smile at her, pretending I had done nothing out of the ordinary. I hoped with every fiber of my being that she hadn't seen what I had done. Especially if she really no longer loved me; the shame would be too much to bear.

We made our way down the stairs, Alice talking animatedly with Bella, when I had the oddest sense of déjà vu…were my eyes betraying me? Almost in slow motion, I could see Bella beginning to trip and without thinking, I rushed ahead and quickly grabbed her, gently, around the waist, to prevent her from hurting herself. The hardness of her body brought back the reality that she was no longer human, but I was still grateful for the opportunity to save her, even if it had been misguided.

My hands encircled her tiny waist as I prevented her from making contact with the downward flight of stairs. As I set her on her feet, I couldn't help but allow my hands to linger where they were, praying that this moment could go on forever.

And, then I couldn't help but laugh when the irony of the situation caught up with me, "Bella, of anything you could have retained of your humanity, you got to keep your clumsiness. I don't think I've ever seen a vampire trip before, especially not over their own two feet!"

I could see the laughter in her eyes, and although her voice held some annoyance, I could tell that she saw how ironic and humorous the whole thing was. "Well, just so you know, Edward, I don't stumble everyday. Just once in a great while. I might also add that it helps me fit better in with those humans that I encounter on a daily basis. You could try to not be so perfect and graceful all the time. Have you ever thought of that?"

The sound of her laughter could cure any ill I might ever have. Of course, Emmett couldn't help but get his own little jab in, as the entire family had erupted into laughter, "Bella, I've missed that. You have got to visit more often. I literally haven't laughed like that in years!"

The voice of my father brought us all back to reality, while I reluctantly removed my hands from her, "Okay, we've had enough fun at Bella's expense. Let's get back to why we're here, if you're ready to continue, Bella."

"It's alright. It really is funny, when you think about it. I guess my clumsiness is just an engrained part of my DNA, and even with my conversion, it's just as stubborn as I am. But, yes, I'm ready to continue, Carlisle."

She had a point. I had once explained to Bella that Carlisle felt that when we left our human life behind before stepping into this immortal one, we sometimes retained something of our humanity, though it normally took on a more pronounced effect.

Alice had always had her visions, while Jasper and I had had characteristics in our human life that had evolved into something much stronger when we entered this never-ending existence. What other things had Bella brought with her from Forks?

We went back to our original positions in the living room and I felt a unfamiliar feeling of relief, as I was able to sit and be close to her again. Bella's beauty continued to take my breath away, and I thanked the Lord himself that He had brought her back to me, regardless of the reason.

I knew I was being selfish, but I never thought I would feel any type of joy again. The fact that she was here, in the very same room as me, was more than I had ever hoped for.

Bella took in a long and gentle breath, readying herself to launch, once again, into the story of what her life had become.

"Well, we were a perfect, happy little family. We were so happy. Busy, tired, but incredibly happy. I started work at the reservation school in the beginning of October, and Grace spent days with other pack wives who stayed home with their kids. She was safe and my days flew by. Work, pick up Grace, run home to make dinner; Jake would come home to eat, kiss me on the cheek and play with the baby, while I was the happy little domestic wife. Life was good. Life was….well, pretty damn wonderful. I never thought it could be like that. Having only my parents as examples, I was shocked that things that were so normal could be so great."

I was thankful that she had found happiness. Even though it'd cost me everything, my intent for her to have a normal life had materialized. She'd found happiness with a _dog_.

"The first semester of school went by without a hitch. Things were as busy as always, and we fell into the same routine. Jake was ready for another baby, but with grad school and how busy he was at the shop, we both decided that we should wait a bit longer. So we continued as we were. The holidays came and went and before we knew it, spring was right around the corner."

Again my stomach twisted with the thought of my enemy being with her, loving her in ways that I never could ten years earlier. And, he wanted to have more children. I was beyond confused. He wanted to continue to add to their family, but where was he now?

She went back into her easy routine of story telling, but I could sense that with her increasing rate of speed in which she talked, that she was leading up to something painful.

_Not again…what had happened now?_

She talked of an outbreak of flu and her concern for baby Grace. She talked of how impenetrable her werewolf husband was, and I thought to myself…_"Give me five minutes with that bastard and I'll show you whose impenetrable…", _before I stopped myself. It was obvious that she still loved him and I wouldn't do anything to hurt her by satisfying myself with his demise.

Bella continued and told us that Grace became ill; so ill she had to be hospitalized. Now I was totally confused. Didn't she tell us in her office, just this evening, that she had said goodbye to her baby daughter? When she said "goodbye", did she mean that with ultimate finality? Was her daughter dead? No, I had clearly heard her tell Alice that she had celebrated her fifth birthday in August. Where was this going?

She talked of her big, strong husband, completely unnerved by the illness of their child. Again, I had to hand it to him. His priorities were certainly in the right order and the care and consideration he had for his wife and child continued to shine through with Bella's words.

Bella stopped talking for a moment and looked up at me, the concern in her eyes evident.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I just realized that this story might be unsettling to you. Here I'm talking about my little girl suffering from a rather bad case of the flu and with what happened to you…before Carlisle changed you…"

Even in the middle of this, Bella still thought of others first. I put her fears to rest. "Bella, I appreciate your concern, but that was a long time ago. Please go on. What happened after you arrived at the hospital?"

She took us through the hospitalization, the panic she felt with her only child sick and in an intensive care unit. Children, especially young ones, could so rapidly deteriorate in the hospital, even under the best care, so Bella's fears weren't unfounded.

By now, Bella's voice was barely audible. She looked as if she had come to a part of the story she was nervous about sharing. The look of anxiety on her face as well as her stiff posture was heartbreaking. If only I could hold her…

_A discharge nurse? Jacob acting strangely? Why would he act so strangely with a simple nurse? _

That's when it hit me.

That bastard was having an affair! _How_ could he cheat on _her_? Was he surprised in running into her while their baby was fighting for her life? Was he struck by the bitter irony of being caught while his wife and child were in the same room? How could he do this to her? I fought to maintain my calm demeanor, though it was beyond difficult at this point. I wanted to kill him, torture him, make him suffer as much as Bella was suffering.

Bella continued her story, confirming my suspicions. Jacob's mood was unsettling to her and yet, she continued to make excuses for him. How could she still love this man when he had broken his vows? Had fate smiled on me, and I'd been the lucky man to marry this beautiful woman, I would have been faithful. I would have NEVER broken my promise, my pledge to be with her and only her.

Was he completely inept? I felt my initial judgment of him being this caring, responsible husband and father was too hasty. My rage continued to build. Now he's making excuses to be with this other woman? This "other woman"? And yet, she continues to believe him, to hold onto the fact that she believes he's being honest with her.

Jacob was clever. He used the perfect excuse for being gone in the evening…_pack business._

_That son of a bitch! _

And because my beloved Bella loved him, she believed him. Here he's cheating on her, lying to her and she still believes in him.

My hands tightened into fists and my teeth were clenched so tightly my jaw began to ache. I fought the urge to run, on foot, to La Push, and rip him limb from limb, as his life force would flow freely from him. I yearned to hear him scream in agony, to beg for his very life, as I took my time in torturing him. I would kill him and I knew I would enjoy it.

She finally began to relay to us how Jacob's strange mood was becoming more obvious to her, and that one night, with one phone call, her happy world started to fall apart. She talked of this "Sam" and how he confirmed her subconscious thoughts of her "loving" husband. He was the leader of this generation of wolves and he was just as concerned in regards to Jacob's whereabouts as Bella was.

Bella explained the pack mind, a collective so to speak, and how they could read each other's thoughts. I had no idea this existed and the thought of so many minds being heard at once was something I could relate to.

She talked of the inability of the pack to keep secrets from each other and when Sam confirmed to her that he hadn't called for extra patrols, I could see the panic written clearly across her beautiful heart-shaped face.

_Four to five nights a week?_ I wouldn't allow myself to even consider what he was doing with all that time, while he left his wife and baby girl at home unattended. The pain in Bella's eyes echoed my thoughts and my mind raged between calming myself and designing other ways to kill him, this very night.

Bella continued, her words coming out quicker, as she continued to take in sharp breaths here and there. It was impossible for me to just sit there and not comfort her; the pull of going to her was agonizingly strong, and yet, I sat, knowing that I couldn't.

She talked of how Jacob was the intended "alpha" of the pack and how he should have been the chief of the entire Quileute tribe, while I laughed in my mind. I may not like the residents of La Push, especially those that were werewolves, but in my mind, that honor should have been for someone who was just that: honorable. Jacob Black was as far from honorable as a man could get. My mind continued to battle with ways to destroy him.

I looked at my beautiful angel as she said her next statement, the sheer impact of it splintering my heart into pieces over her pain, as she twisted that damn ring on her hand. I wanted to remove it and force Black to swallow it, before I killed him. I wanted to see the fear in his eyes as he knew his life was about to end. I wanted to avenge my Bella.

"I finally got off the phone with Sam, who again assured me that everything was fine, not to worry and that he would find Jacob. I hung up the phone and tried to wait patiently for him to call me back or for Jacob to come walking in through our front door. The sheer panic and fear was starting to drive me crazy. When Jacob finally did come home, everything changed. There wasn't any way to go back. The damage was done and there was absolutely no way to fix it. My happy life with Jacob was basically over."

My family was almost as upset as I was in how Bella's so-called loving husband had broken her tender heart. Emmett looked like he was ready to join me in destroying Jacob, though I would relish in doing it myself.

Emmett spoke then, his voice echoing his thoughts, as well as the rest of my family's, "Bella, what do you mean the damage was done? What did Jacob do to you?"

She looked at him, "...Have you ever heard of imprinting?'

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

_What? _

It was as if Emmett could hear my thoughts, "_Imprinting_? What the hell is that?"

"Imprinting is when a werewolf meets their true mate - their intended soul mate. It happens when they see that perfect someone the very first time. It's part of their legends, almost magical the way they talk about it. One of those 'wolf' things, as Jacob used to call them. They meet the one person that completes them. Jake described it to me once like gravity. They are held in place by that person, and regular gravity isn't quite the same anymore. They would be anything for that individual. Anything they need or want."

"They are completely attuned to them, knowing exactly what that person needs; how to complete them, really. It's so hard to explain, but the world now revolves around that person, their perfect mate. Nothing else matters anymore. That person's happiness is their first concern and the pull of the attraction is something that can't be ignored. It's irrevocable, unstoppable. The love and adoration is pure and undeniable. There's no going back."

So, _he_ came up with some fancy name to make his cheating sound like the stuff of legends. How could he do this?

Jasper spoke then, just as confused as we all were, but no less protective of Bella, "Bella, did Jacob imprint on you? Or, are you saying he imprinted on someone else?"

Bella talked about how she and Jacob assumed that he had imprinted on her long ago, but that with the pack collective, he knew what real imprinting felt like and the love he felt for Bella wasn't the real thing. Love, yes; but not the deeper aspect that was known as imprinting.

Alice spoke then, "Then are you saying he imprinted on another…woman?"

"Yes."

"With whom?" my mother gently asked Bella.

Bella continued, and talked of how Jacob explained his imprint on the discharge nurse. How she finally realized all the clues that had been staring her in the face, and how reality finally settled in, as cruel as it was.

I still wasn't convinced by this whole imprint theory, though certain members of my family started to swallow this lie that Jacob had fed her, especially Rosalie, which surprised me.

Bella's face fell again, before taking another large breath and continuing her heartbreaking story. She told us that Jacob came home and how she knew a fight was coming. But, it was obvious at the time, she had no idea that this would end her marriage, the happy, human life I'd so desperately wanted for her.

Her words were coming out in a steady torment now, as she recounted every moment of their fight. How Jacob came clean with her about this so-called "imprint", how he promised that they would be the exception to the rule, that he loved her…

The fact that she told us she was ashamed and humiliated hurt more than anything. She'd done nothing wrong but trust an unworthy man, and she was the one who took the blame. She knew he had lied to her and was wondering what else he could be hiding from her.

I was beyond murderous, as was most every member of my family. Especially Alice. She had always considered Bella her sister and the fact that she was dealing with all this pain had Alice's thoughts racing in similar fashion to mine.

Bella continued with every exchange from that evening…

"_Jake, I asked you a question. Where have you been all these nights? What have you been doing? Have you been with her? Have you been unfaithful to me?"_

Of course he was being unfaithful to you. He lied to you for two months and he thought he could get away with it because he knew that you were loving and forgiving. He believed he had nothing to worry about.

"_MEGHAN? HER NAME IS MEGHAN?"_

My heart was breaking for her. He swears that he's done nothing, but, yet, he seems to know her name. He knows this woman's name and he throws it in her face. Unbelievable! How could Bella have even fallen in love with this mutt to begin with? Had he ever been this sweet, caring man that she described? Had I damaged her so much that her ability to trust the right people no longer existed? What had I done to her?

"_I swear to you, Bella, no one but Sam knows about this. I love you so much. I can't even begin to explain how much you mean to me. I wish I could show you how much this is tearing me up inside. I can't function. The imprint is impossible; the pull is unimaginable, but I love __**you**__. That hasn't changed and it never will. Please let me hold you. Please let me try to make this right. I can't stand to see you like this…it's killing me…"_

He continues to lie, to cheat, to hurt her and has the audacity to try to comfort her. He's causing this pain, this unbearable anguish and _he_ thinks he can make it better?

Had Bella been able to, she would have been crying. The pain on her face was agonizing, but she went on. She looked up at me, and her eyes betrayed what was written all over my face. My expression must have echoed my thoughts and feelings for Black, and I forced myself to calm down as best as I could.

She talked of how they tried everything to make it work. _She_ was the one trying to make it work.

_A second honeymoon?_

That thought ripped through me. I knew that Jacob had been with her, in _that_ way, but to think that he continued to be, especially considering that he had broken his vows to her, made my non-existent blood boil. I had wished for that experience with Bella and to know that Black had it and _wasted_ it…

But, I could tell that Bella, from her tone and expression, truly believed that Jacob had been faithful to her. I would, though it killed me, give him the benefit of the doubt -- for her. It was obvious that she knew him much better than me. But _every_ sign was telling a different story. If I ever had the chance to see Black, I would ask him outright and have his _thoughts_ tell me the _real_ story.

She continued with how miserable she and her husband continued to be, while they tried to make things work, but how he continued to be the same loving father to Grace, despite the tension. At least Grace would have someone taking care of her back in La Push that loved her and would, hopefully, continue to protect her from the world, even if the bastard failed her mother in every way imaginable.

Her story went on to talk about a love triangle…Sam I knew through Bella's story telling, but who were Leah and Emily? Rosalie asked outright as to whom these two individuals were, looking for clarification.

Bella explained that this imprinting had happened to these three individuals…that Sam had been in love with Leah, until he met Emily, which tore everyone apart.

_Did every werewolf in La Push use this as an excuse to break a woman's heart, just so they could satiate their primal needs?_

I had become disgusted with this whole conversation until I was snapped harshly back to the present moment when I heard Bella say that this Leah person was a werewolf. Just as I thought that my eyes had been deceiving me earlier in the evening, now I thought that my ears were playing tricks on me.

My thoughts became Jasper's words as he asked Bella a simple question, "Are you telling us that there are female werewolves? Are you serious? The pack in La Push has a female amongst them?"

"Yes. Leah was one of the last of this pack to phase. She and her brother joined the group, not too long after you all left. The Quileute legends are taken seriously. But, the elders only thought that male descendents carried the mutated gene. When Leah joined the pack, it made the entire council sit up and examine every thing they thought they knew about their legends."

We all sat there, taking in yet another piece of information that had completely jolted us from our boring, doldrum lives. The idea of a female werewolf was unimaginable. Jasper had come across werewolves long before he had joined our family with Alice, but they hadn't been with us back in the 1930's when we signed the treaty with the Quileutes.

We all sat there, trying to absorb another amazing fact, when I heard the words I knew were coming, but still pained me with their finality.

Bella's voice caught ever so slightly, as she uttered the end of her existence with her half-human husband, "Jacob was the last of the pack to imprint, to really imprint, and when he did, they realized that every werewolf went through this to find their mate. I think the pack knew that, but was hoping that things would work out for Jake and me. That he would never meet that perfect person for him, _never see her_, that fate would just leave us the hell alone. But, that didn't happen. I knew I only had one choice at that point. I would have to sacrifice my own happiness for Jake – so that he could be complete."

My thoughts were filled with the torment that was beginning to consume me. _Oh Bella, must you always sacrifice your own happiness for everyone else's?_


	18. Chapter 16: Starting Over

Chapter 16: Starting Over

"Jake and I tried, but it was a losing battle. Nothing was working and I knew something had to change. I couldn't bear to watch him go on like this any longer. It was late spring and school would be ending soon. It felt as good a time as any.

I'd talked to Charlie about moving in with Grace, during the separation. He was furious with Jake. Wanted to kill him, really; I tried to explain to Charlie that this wasn't his fault. Things had happened, and it was better for everyone, if we just tried to make this as easy as possible on both of us. Charlie wasn't buying it, but he stayed quiet for my sake."

"Jacob came home from work one night, in his typical mood. He couldn't focus, his kiss for me awkward and brief; he picked up Grace and talked to her, her giggling, and his looking so incredibly in love with her. It was hard to not cry while watching them, but I soldiered on. I couldn't make this any harder on him than it already was."

We ate dinner in silence. Jake put Grace to bed, while I cleaned up dinner and did the dishes. He came back into the living and sat down on the couch, unable to speak or even look at me. In retrospect, I think he knew what was coming.

"_Jake, we need to talk. I think we know that this isn't working out, and I can't bear to see you in any more pain. I'm leaving. You belong with this Meghan. We can't deny this any longer. It's killing you and I care about you too much to just sit here and let you go on suffering. I can't stand it any longer."_

"_No, Bella. I promised to love you forever. I made vows to you. I will not hurt you like this. It will pass in time. We're married. You and I belong together and neither of us is going anywhere. She doesn't even know about any of this. The imprint doesn't change anything when it comes to you and me…"_

"I put my fingers over his mouth, silencing him. He was trying so hard, but he was so unhappy. This wasn't his fault, and even though I was so disappointed and hurt, I couldn't blame him. I knew he loved me, but it wasn't enough. _I _wasn't enough," I said, with a distinct edge of sadness in my voice.

"The tears came then. I couldn't stop them any longer and I let him hold me. His body shook with mine, but in that moment, he understood. We both did. We were fighting something much bigger than ourselves. We were fighting fate. And fate always wins."

"I wanted nothing more than to stay there with him, to hold onto my husband forever. To have another baby, be that perfect family that I had hoped for so long. I thought when I married Jacob that I would have all of that, and we would grow old together, spoiling our grandchildren…but it just couldn't happen. We both had to start over."

"_Jake, I'm leaving. I've already talked to Charlie and I'm going to live with him until we get things straightened out. I've already contacted a lawyer for mediation. We can arrange an amicable divorce, as well as work out custody of Grace. We can still salvage something from this."_

"_Divorce? No Bells, it doesn't have to be this way. I still love you. There has to be a way to fix this. We just haven't found it yet. We'll keep trying. I'm not ready to say goodbye to all of this yet, say goodbye to you. I can't. Losing you isn't an option for me."_

"_Jake, we can't fight this anymore. I know that you still love me, but for you to be happy and complete, you need this woman. This isn't goodbye. We'll still have the past and we can try to be friends after all this is done. I want that. I can't bear to lose you forever, but this is the way it has to be. But this wasn't all bad. We have Grace. We have a beautiful daughter. She's something we can always look at and know this wasn't for nothing. You and I will still raise her; it just won't be under the same roof. I'll move in with Charlie and take Grace, but you can come and see her anytime you want. We'll work out custody, but with her still breastfeeding, she needs to come with me, at least for now until we figure some things out."_

"It was then that I saw it. The look on his face was hard and smooth. He was suddenly upset or concerned, I couldn't tell which, and I didn't understand why. What would make him turn on a dime like that? I didn't have to wait long to get my answer," I said.

"_Bells, what do you mean by custody? Grace has to stay here. She's a member of this pack. She's the child of a werewolf. Her place is here. You both need to stay. It's the only real place where I can protect you both. I can't stop you from leaving, and I want you to stay, but she can't go with you. You understand that, right?"_

"_What do you mean she can't leave here? What are you talking about? She needs to be with me too, Jake, and I can't stay here. The looks of pity and…I can't continue living on this reservation. I also can't keep working at the school. There are no secrets, remember? Everyone I run into has this look of sadness written all over their face when they see me, and I can't handle it anymore. I'm giving you your freedom so you can be whole with her. Are you trying to tell me that you won't allow me to see MY own daughter?"_

"_Bella, it's not like that. But you have to understand, she cannot live anywhere else. I will leave this home, and the two of you can continue to stay here. I'll find another place to live. But, she is a permanent member of this pack. We protect our own. I will protect her with everything I have, as will all her 'uncles' and 'aunt' Leah. If you stay in this home, our protection will continue for you as well, but if you insist on going back to Forks, I can't guarantee your safety. Please, just stay here…please. It's just safer for you both."_

"_Jake, I can't stay here. Which part of that don't you understand? I can't stick around here, while you fall in love with another woman. I can't watch that. Don't you understand? Can't you see how difficult this is for me already? How can you even ask me to stay in La Push? This can't work. Don't I deserve something in this mess? Don't I even get to keep my dignity?"_

"The argument went on all night. I finally got up and went to our room, where I shut the door before locking it. He stayed in the house, but never tried to enter. He knew I was upset, but he was firm in his decision. I couldn't believe what he was trying to sell me. In just one night, I had gone from having this huge family, a whole group of protectors – to nothing. I was no longer even considered part of the pack. I was losing a big part of myself, and yet, Jacob still seemed to want even more."

"The morning came and with it, my stubbornness had returned. If Jake couldn't be reasonable, then he left me no choice. I called in sick to work and went to see Charlie. I told him I needed a lawyer and fast. He put me in contact with a friend of his in Port Angeles, someone who specialized in custody cases. He immediately filed an injunction against Jacob, which would be served on him the next day. I raced home to pack, knowing that I had little time to get out before Jake knew what I had done."

"The next day was awful. Jake waited until I got home and the fight started. He couldn't believe that I had disregarded his 'orders' and we fought almost all night. We woke up Grace twice, before I convinced him to quiet down and attempt to listen to reason. We got her settled back down and started talking again," I continued.

"_Bella, I know you're upset. But you have got to see the reason in this. She's a Quileute. Her place is here. Why can't you just stay here, with her, in our house? It would be easier on everyone, especially Grace. This is the only home she has ever known. Plus, it's safer for both of you…"_

"_Easier on everyone? Our house? There isn't a you and me anymore, not in that way. And what about me, Jake? How is this easier on me? How am I supposed to deal with this? How am I supposed to be living here, but no longer part of this pack? How am I supposed to deal with watching you go to another woman, fall even more in love with her? Then what, marry her? I know you, Jake. You're the marrying type and nothing less than giving you her name will satisfy you. Even if this wasn't your doing, I can't just sit here and suffer through it. It's more than I can handle. Can't you see that?"_

"_Bella, it doesn't have to be like that. You'll find someone else to love. I know you will. You'll be happy again. You will fall in love again. There is someone out there for you. As much as it kills me to think of you with someone else, I know that you will find another. You're just too amazing not to. I wish none of this had happened, but, you have to be here. Grace has to be here. It's where you're safest. And,you hiring a lawyer was a low blow. Why would you do that? There's no reason to get a third party involved in all this. This is pack business, and we can take care of it here."_

"_PACK BUSINESS! What the hell do you mean by pack business? This has NOTHING to do with the pack. This is between you and me. You and I created that little life. Not them – you and me. I will not allow them to dictate how I live my life or where I choose to live it. If I'm no longer part of this pack, then their decisions mean nothing to me. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you?"_

"At that moment, the doorbell rang. It was late for visitors, but Jacob seemed to be expecting someone. He got up to answer the door, when I heard Sam's voice. I didn't like the sound of their hushed voices in the front hallway," I muttered, unable to hide the acidic tone that had crept into my voice.

"Sam walked in and sat down, looking straight at me. I respected Sam as pack leader, but his sometimes smooth appearance, like nothing bothered him, got to me. He was the leader, the 'alpha'. Everything he said was law. In essence, he was the chief of the entire Quileute tribe, which did nothing to make me like him any more."

I felt a surge of anger as I remembered that conversation and how I felt trapped; how I felt that Jacob had sold me out to Sam and I had to choice but to sit there and be subjected to Sam's orders.

Sam started, his voice low, but his tone firm and unmoving, _"Bella, I understand that you secured a lawyer yesterday in regards to custody of baby Grace. Am I correct in this?"_

"_That's none of your business, Sam. What I do has nothing to do with you. Apparently, I'm no longer part of this pack, so my business is my own."_

"_Bella, it doesn't have to be like that. However, I need to remind you, as I know Jacob has already, that you may not leave the reservation with the child. She is a member of this pack and she belongs to us…all of us. You are the child's mother and I understand that Jacob has discussed you living here, while he secures other living arrangements."_

"_MY child doesn't belong to you. She belongs to her father and me. No one else. Even you must realize how ridiculous this sounds. My custody arrangement with Jake does not concern you or any of your other 'brothers', or Leah, for that matter."_

"_Bella, every child on this reservation is my concern, especially those that are so closely connected to the pack. Let's look at this objectively. Jacob has graciously permitted you to stay in the house, and we will continue to protect you from anything that may pass through the area. But, if you choose to leave, that protection may not continue. We don't have unlimited resources, and our first priority must be the reservation and those families that reside here. You will be safest here, as will Grace. Even you have to understand that…"_

"_Sam, thank you so much for taking my feelings into consideration and being so gracious in regards to your concern for my well-being. I will take your feelings into consideration, but I will not be bullied. Do I make myself clear?"_

"Sam left after that. I felt murderous by that point and was furious with Jake that he had involved him. I knew I had no other option. I would leave with Grace the next day and file for immediate custody. The lawyer I hired warned me that it would probably come to this, and although I didn't want to alienate Jake, I now felt that I had no choice."

Moving forward, I explained how I left work and made my way home to pack both Grace and myself. I was packing my truck when Jake arrived home, early and unannounced. He was furious and the fight started all over again. I wasn't deterred, though. I was leaving and he would have to deal with that.

"Then Jake did something that I never expected. I went in to retrieve Grace, where she was sleeping in her crib. Jake was faster than me and barred my way. He refused to let me pass. I was struggling to get past him, but he was so much bigger and stronger. I started screaming at him, my anger and frustration finally bubbling over. I fell to the floor, the tears coming freely now. How could this work? Would fate ever just give me a break?"

"Jake looked crestfallen when he saw how distraught I was. He moved from the doorway and watched me in silence as I crawled through the doorway, desperate to get to my now screaming daughter.

All this fighting was starting to get to her and I just held her, as we cried together. I felt like I was slowly losing her, as if I had no way to make this situation work. I felt trapped."

"It was then that my resolve strengthened. I would be no one's victim."

"I wiped my eyes and reached for her coat, before I made my way for the door. Jake was sitting in the front room and saw me leaving with her. He ran to the door and grabbed me by the arm, hard. Much harder than he intended to, I'm sure. I heard something 'pop', before I felt the pain. Terrible agony. It felt like my right arm was falling off. I cried out from the intensity of it, which made Grace start crying again. I looked over at Jacob, who looked completely mortified. He ran from the house and phased almost instantly in front of me, before he took off into the woods, when I heard a tortured howl come from the direction he had headed toward."

I heard a growl escape every member of the Cullen family, the loudest coming from Edward, before he stood, the look in his now darkened eyes, murderous and full of wrath. It literally frightened me for a brief moment, before he spoke, or rather, roared. "He hurt you? He put his hands on you?" he shouted, at the top of his lungs. The windows shook with the force of his voice.

"Edward." Carlisle looked at him, his tone low but full of authority.

My voice was soft, as I addressed him. "Edward, it was an accident. Like I said, he never meant to grab me that hard. I know that it was hard for him sometimes, always on his guard with how he handled me and Grace. It was a momentary lapse in judgment, and wasn't intentional. We were both stressed and he felt he had to stop me, because our safety was at risk," I had no idea _how_ much at the time, " and he instantly knew he had hurt me and took off before something else happened, which, of course, it wouldn't have. It happened a long time ago." He of anyone should understand. I know that he had to constantly be on his guard with me when I was still human and we were, well…together. That thought made me inhale sharply, the memories rushing at me like a fired bullet. I shook my head, returning to the present. "I'm fine now…really," I answered him, before I was cut off.

"Bella, I don't care if was an accident or not. I could, quite literally, catch the next plane to Seattle right now and kill him for that," _Emmett_ hissed from his seat, his tone low and menacing. Rosalie's ever darkening eyes echoed his sentiment, all the while, her graceful hands gently caressed her husband as she attempted to calm him.

Jasper sent another particularly strong current of calming energy at us. He too looked disturbed, and for a moment, I felt cared for and protected again. It was like I had three big brothers that would stand up and defend me against anything. It brought a faint smile to my lips.

"Tell me, Bella, what exactly are you smiling about?" Edward snapped at me.

"Well, with all that I've discussed this evening, it's sort of nice," I started.

"Nice? What the hell is nice about any of this?" Edward retorted, he still standing, while the malice in his voice was still evident.

"Well, if you stop interrupting me, I can finish my statement," I looked at him, challenging him to disagree, as my smile continuing to grow.

"Fine. I apologize. Go ahead, Bella. I'll do my best to not interrupt," he countered, his body still rigid with fury, his words coming out like staccato notes.

"It's nice to feel…well, protected," wanting to add 'cared for', but thought better of it. "It's been a really long time…since I felt anything like that," I finished, the smile on my face becoming as large as my cheeks would allow.

Seven sets of eyes, still focused on me, echoed the statement I had just made. I felt relief for the first time in a very long time.

"Bella, since the first day we met you, you've always been like a daughter to us," Carlisle interjected, with Esme quickly nodding in agreement.

"And you are like our sister, Bella. Our _clumsy_, little sister," Emmett chuckled.

"No one messes with family; especially _ours_," Rosalie said smugly, her beautiful features portraying a fierceness that also spoke of her gift of tenacity. In her eyes, and in mine, I had gained a sister tonight, and nothing would change that now.


	19. Chapter 18: Pack Logic

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Chapter 17: Pack Logic

Bella's POV

Still smiling but seeing that I needed to move forward, I noticed the time on my watch. It was after one in the morning. Any other normal person, _any human,_ would have been exhausted by now, but when you're what we all were, the night is really no different from the day. Sleep was unnecessary and unattainable, though there were times that it would have been welcome, to break up the never ending calendar.

Edward settled back in his seat, visibly trying to calm himself, as was every other member of the family. Seeing that I was no longer destructible, the idea of them being upset over an old injury was intriguing. I decided this was a good time to continue, although my mind wanted to sit and ponder over everything that had happened in the past few hours. But time wasn't a luxury for me _this_ evening, so I continued.

"Well, it was almost surreal. I'm holding Grace with one arm, while my other is in nauseating pain. I was able to put Grace back in her crib, while I tried to keep my arm from swinging too much, causing more damage. I thought that Jake had left, when he suddenly reappeared, this time flanked by several members of the pack."

"We were all outside when the yelling started. Jacob came to my side, the guilt and remorse in his eyes. Quil and Embry were screaming at Jake, asking him how he could have lost control. Sam stayed quiet, while Paul just sat there, smiling smugly at my obvious discomfort. More members showed up, until Sam finally motioned for everyone to quiet themselves."

"_Bella, as disappointed as I am in Jacob right now, I'm not surprised that something happened. I explained that you couldn't remove Grace from the reservation. The results of your actions are unfortunate, but we're talking about the pack here. Baby Grace belongs here. Jacob, you need to take Bella to the hospital to have her arm looked after. Afterwards, if she still wishes it, drop her at her father's home. Bella, you are welcome to see your child anytime you wish, but removing her from our protection is out of the question."_

"No matter how big he was, I felt like murdering him. How dare he talk to me that way? I was not his subordinate and I refused to take orders from him," I hissed, as my eyes now darkened, remembering the smooth mask of his face as he barked orders at me.

"_Who do you think you're talking to? I'm leaving and taking Grace with me. I'll drive myself to the hospital. I don't need anyone's help, much less Jacob's. Get out of my way!"_

"Sam barred my entry into my own home, while the pain from my arm started to make me swoon. I knew I would pass out soon if I didn't get some help for my injury. The tears came then, when I felt someone next to me, someone who had just arrived. It was Leah and she had a look of anger in her eyes while she looked at Sam," as I continued to recount the events from that night.

"_Sam, do you hear yourself? You can't keep a mother from her child. None of this is her fault. You, of all people, should be able to see the irony of this situation. The only mistake Bella ever made was falling in love with one of us. How could she have ever known that Jake would imprint, even if we knew that it would probably happen sooner rather than later? If anything, this is our fault. We should have warned them both that this would happen, and then maybe this whole situation could have been avoided."_

Leah knew firsthand how devastating imprinting could be. Her own heart had been crushed years earlier by Sam, when something as simple as her cousin coming to visit had effectively torn her heart in two. Leah had imprinted herself only a few months before, but she remembered the intense pain she endured when her life had been turned inside out by the cruel effects of a tribal legend that she had never known much about, much less ever thought how it could affect her. She may have found her true soul mate, but she understood firsthand how I was feeling at that moment, and the fact that I had a child only made the entire situation worse.

"_Sam, you can't threaten her with the idea that she won't be protected if she leaves the reservation. We can all take turns. You can't expect her to continue to go on here as if nothing has happened. Remember? No secrets. Everyone knows what's going on, and I for one refuse to just sit here and let you try to dictate everyone else's life without you really looking at the consequences of your actions. I think that Emily and every other wife in the pack would agree with me! Do you hear what I'm saying?"_

"I sat there, looking at Leah in complete awe. She had stood up to Sam and no one ever did that. When Sam gave an order, it was followed. No questions asked. But when Leah played the wife card, she knew she had him beat. She knew that at least she had given me a little time. For a moment, I forgot about everything…the pain, the uncertainty. I rushed in to the house to go to Grace, where I found Jacob, holding her, tears in his eyes," my face echoing every emotion in my face, I was certain.

"_Jake, please take me to the hospital now. I don't think I can drive with only one arm."_

"_Bella, I am so sorry. I only meant to stop you…I'm so worried about protecting you and Grace . I NEVER meant to hurt you. I would never hurt you. I saw you leaving and everything just happened so quickly. Please, you've got to believe me. This was just an accident. I couldn't hurt you. I love you so much; this whole thing is tearing me in two and I lost control, just for a second. I'm just terrified that something is going to happen to you both and I couldn't handle it if that happened. Please Bella…please understand. How am I supposed to fix this…?"_

"_Jake, I know this was an accident. But, please I'm about to pass out from all of this. Can we please just get Grace out of here and drive out to the hospital? I need a doctor."_

"I crossed the room then, placing my forehead against my daughter's cheek while she slept in her daddy's big arms. He bent down to kiss my forehead, and I let him, so he would understand that I knew what had happened was not intentional. I, again, asked him to drive me to the hospital, as gently as I could. I was exhausted and my arm hurt like hell. I knew I would have permanent damage if I didn't get some medical attention soon."

"_Jake, I know this was an accident. I'm just as upset by all of this as you are, but I don't know what to do anymore. Can you please just take me to the hospital now? And we absolutely have to take Grace with us. I'm terrified that if we leave her here, Sam or the others will take her from me and I just can't deal with losing her. She's all I have left. Please…I'm begging you…"_

"I was crying by then, while I begged Jake to understand how scared I was of losing my little girl. Jake quickly agreed with what I was saying, even if it was only to placate me. We readied ourselves to leave, when I noticed that Sam and Leah were still discussing things in the living room. Sam noticed us, before we made it to the door. It was obvious he had more to say and we couldn't leave until he had his moment."

"_Bella, if you wish to leave tonight, we won't stop you. We will continue to provide protection for both you and Grace. I hope that you'll be fair in your custody negotiations with Jacob. Please go and get some attention for your arm. We'll talk more later."_

"I had no intention of speaking anymore with Sam, but I wouldn't let him in on that. Jake helped me into the car, putting the baby in her car seat, before he started the car and headed off toward the hospital. Neither of us spoke a word. He took my hand and we drove to the hospital in complete silence."

I went on to explain the hospital visit. The doctor quickly diagnosed that my shoulder had been dislocated and called for an orthopedic surgeon to pop it back in place. I remembered, briefly, how painful that procedure was and the immediate relief when it was properly back in its place. While I was fitted for a sling, the doctor took notice of the bruise that had started to form on my arm, a bruise that perfectly matched Jake's large hand, who was standing next to me, holding the baby. The doctor asked Jake to leave before he started to ask me questions about spousal abuse, which I vehemently denied.

I was lost in the details of the story before I was interrupted again.

"But, he hurt you. He dislocated your shoulder. How could you defend him?" Alice asked me, softly but incredulously, as her eyes were darkening with each passing second.

"Alice, like I said before, it was an accident. Maybe I'm being naïve, but in my heart, I truly knew Jake would never intentionally hurt me. But, the doctor was relentless. He asked the nurse to give me a shot of something to help with the now dulling pain, before leaving the room. Before I knew it, Charlie burst through the door, looking like he was readying himself to kill," I finished before looking up to see every person in the room sat motionless, waiting for me to go on.

Sitting there, I thought about Charlie. Dad. My moving to Forks to live with him had started so many things. I had spent most of my years, growing up, dreading the experience of visiting Forks every summer, but once I went to live with him, everything had changed. Our relationship had deepened. He loved me and I loved him, even if we didn't make a big show of it.

"_Bells, what happened to you? How did this happen? Where is he? I'll arrest his ass..."_

"_Dad, calm down. It was an accident. Things got heated, but it's not at all what you think it is…really. He's so upset. He never meant for this to happen. I swear to you, I'm ok. Just calm down before we have to admit you to the hospital…"_

"_Bella, don't you dare tell me to calm down! No one hurts my daughter and gets away with it! Damn it. Look at your arm. How badly are you hurt? What did the doctor say?"_

At that moment, hearing the commotion, Jake stepped back into the examination room. He had heard our conversation and stepped forward to face Charlie, but not before placing Grace, fast asleep in her carrier, on the floor.

"_Charlie, I'm so sorry. I swear I never meant to hurt her. I love her, care about her so much. Like she said, things got out of control, but it was my fault, even if it was an accident. I would never harm Bella – not intentionally. I am so sorry I hurt her and I'll never forgive myself for that. I still can't believe this happened, but you can take me in. I won't fight you; I deserve it."_

"_You're damn right you deserve it! You son of a bitch! You promised me that you wouldn't ever hurt her. First, she tells me she has to leave La Push, because __**you're**__ unhappy, and then you rip her arm out of the socket, not to mention that bruise. What the hell were you thinking? And you did this with Grace in the house! When did you get like this?"_

"Jake put his fists forward, motioning for Charlie to put the cuffs on, before I realized what they were talking about. I instantly panicked, placing myself between them, not wanting this to go any farther," I motioned with my hands, trying to convey how panicked that moment had become.

"_Jake, what are you doing? You don't deserve to be arrested. It was an __**accident**__; nothing more than that. Come on you two, this is getting out of hand. Stop it! Please… I can't take anymore tonight. Please just cut it out! Can't we just calm down and discuss this?"_

"With my comment, the two most important men in my life stopped to look at me, as I started to break down. The medication was taking effect and the night had exhausted me. I started to stumble, finally realizing how worn out I was, before Jake stepped in and caught me, putting me back on the gurney in the room. But my loud pleas had woken Grace again and this time, Charlie forced his way past Jake to pick her up. He stood in front of me, as if to shield me, holding his granddaughter, and was unable to hide the furious glare as he stared Jacob down," I recounted, as my face tightened when I remembered that particularly bad memory.

Once, Charlie had loved Jacob. Loved what he had done for me. Loved him because I loved him. Now, Charlie wanted to hurt him. Hurt him because he'd hurt me. Charlie never knew the extent of what had transpired due to the imprinting, and I would never tell him. One, I couldn't. And two, he would just end up hating Jacob even more than he already did. He had trusted Jacob and felt that trust had been betrayed.

"_Charlie, let's get Bella home. To your home. I'm honoring her wishes now. I'll give her whatever she wants, whatever it is. Please believe me, I wish things could have been different. I love Bella and all I have ever wanted was for her to be happy. I can't seem to make her happy now, no matter how hard I try. I'll try harder now, and if leaving the reservation and staying with you makes her happy, that's what we'll do."_

"Charlie wasn't ready to trust Jake just yet, but I convinced him that we would work everything out. He just needed to trust me on that point, even though I knew that he was having a difficult time understanding why I was so forgiving of Jacob. I knew Jake better than my dad, better than anyone, really; I finally convinced Charlie that everything was going to be okay, but that I wanted nothing more at that moment than to go home and get both Grace and I to bed."

Charlie took over at that point. The same man who had a difficult time fathering me when I moved to Forks, always fearing that his parenting skills were lacking, showed a side of himself that night that I always knew existed, but that he had never allowed to surface. He was my father and he would protect me with everything he had, even if that meant taking control of the situation, which was never a strength of his.

"_Bells, are you ready to go? Did the doctor release you? I've got Grace. We can go if you're ready. I'll get one of the deputies to cover the rest of my shift and get you home. Jake, go get the doctor. Make sure that her paperwork is in order…Bella, we'll take the cruiser home. Jake, you can go back to La Push. I got it from here."_

"Like I said, Charlie didn't understand that I just wasn't willing to turn my back on Jake. I felt the need to clear the air before we went any further that evening," I continued.

"_Dad, Jake needs to properly say goodnight to his daughter. I know you may not understand, but don't you wish you had more of a chance with me when I was little? You know what I'm talking about it. I refuse to keep Grace from her father. She belongs to him as much as she does to me. Please understand what I'm trying to say. Jake can drive us home and then he'll leave. You have nothing to worry about. No one does, okay?"_

"_If that's what you really want Bella, then I won't fight you. I'll go find the doctor and get your discharge papers. Jake, can I trust you alone with my daughter? With my grandbaby?"_

"_Yes, sir. I promise nothing will happen to either of them."_

"Charlie left the exam room and Jake helped me down from the bed. I put my good arm around him, hoping that he understood that I wasn't angry at him, that I knew it was just an accident." My voice was so soft at this point, I wasn't sure if anyone could hear me.

"_Bella honey, I'm so sorry. Does it still hurt? What can I do to make this better?"_

"_Jake, it's okay. Really. I know that you would never hurt me. It's just not possible. Please stop beating yourself up over this. Everything will work out. I have no idea how, but we'll figure it out. Could you please help me get Grace? I can't get her with my arm in this stupid sling. Let's just get going, and you and I can talk again in the morning, okay?"_

"Jake drove us to Charlie's house. Neither of us said a word; Jake just simply held my hand. The sadness in the car was painful, and I started to cry all over again. I just wanted it all to end. No. What I really wanted was to go back to the day when Grace got sick and take her to another hospital…any other hospital. I wanted things to go back to what they had been, but it was over. Tonight's events told me that and I struggled in vain to accept it. By then, I realized how tired I was, how my body felt oddly out of place as the medication took hold. Now, I only wanted the night to end and for the morning to come. I had had enough at that point though, I wasn't looking forward to facing all of this again the next morning."

"We got there, right after Charlie. He walked into the house, while Jake helped me get Grace inside. Charlie had set up my baby crib in my old room, for when we visited. Jake held Grace, looking at her like he would never see her again. He cradled her close to his chest, the tears staining his cheeks, while he hummed softly to her. He kissed her forehead before setting her in the crib. He looked at me, immense sadness in his eyes, before he turned to say one last thing to me."

"_Bella, I'll be watching out for both of you tonight. I promise."_

And with that, he was gone.


	20. Chapter 19: Hero

Chapter 19: Hero

I had grown silent, my mind wrapped around all those memories, none of them happy. I was drawing to the end of my sad story and then what? What would happen then?

I was drawn out of my deep thoughts by a soft voice. "Bella, it's so wonderful that Charlie stood up for you. I know he's your father, but I don't think you understand how much he loves you," Alice's high lilting voice spoke, finally breaking the silence in the room.

"Bella, she's right. I could hear his thoughts. He loves you more than you can imagine. He must miss you right now. Do you have any idea how he's doing?" Edward interjected, his gaze on me, soft and serious.

Charlie. _How was he doing?_ That's a question I really didn't expect tonight.

"Well, I appreciate your thoughts about Charlie. I was so fortunate to have a father like him. He would have done anything for me. Anything at all – all I had to do was ask," I spoke, as my voice cracked again, betraying the pain beneath the surface.

"Bella, he's still your father. With everything that's happened to you, it doesn't change that simple fact. Surely _you_ must understand that," Rosalie spoke to me, a smile on her lips.

"Yes, Rosalie. You're right, except…" I couldn't finish. How was I going to say this and not fall apart again?

"Except what, dear?" Esme questioned.

"I should have mentioned this earlier. Charlie died. About a month after Grace and I moved in with him," my voice finally broke, as my hand absentmindedly reached toward my forehead, trying to rub the stress and pain away. I was nearing a point of no return and to be hit with another torrent of memories that I had thought were forgotten with my human life was becoming too much to bear.

"Died?" Alice answered, grief evident in her voice.

"How?" Carlisle had joined the conversation, his tone sad, the emotion beginning to reach his eyes.

I glanced around the room. Every facee held either grief or sorrow for me. It was too much. I closed my eyes, willing my emotions to quiet, my hands clenching and unclenching, before I felt yet another intense wave of soothing calm and peace emanate from Jasper.

I turned to look at him in gratitude before I saw her, my heart dropping from the pain on her beautiful face. Her tiny body slumped forward, her head drooping toward the floor as her body began to shake. Her head shook back and forth fiercely, like she was trying to grasp the bomb that I had innocently just dropped on her.

Alice looked like she would fall to pieces in her husband's arms, as he tightened his grip around his wife, eventually turning her so she was facing him. He wrapped his arms around her as quiet sobs shook her body, his face nestled in her hair. He whispered calming words into her ear. Her pain was evident to everyone in the room. She had spent so much time at the house after my "accident" in Phoenix and had grown attached to Charlie, just as he had grown attached to her.

"Alice, I can stop now. I don't have to continue. I can't watch you suffer like this."

"No, Bella," she turned to face me, her features bent with grief, "please tell me what happened to Charlie. I need to know."

I continued, "Charlie was great when we moved in. He took turns with Grace, and rearranged some of his work schedule to help me out. He _loved_ spending time with her. His favorite thing was feeding her dinner. He would make these goofy faces and cajole her into eating. She would laugh at him and the smile on his face…" I stopped, as my throat began to constrict with grief, "was so endearing. He loved her so much! Charlie did everything he could to help to make this easier on me. He was civil to Jake when he came to visit and encouraged me through a really difficult time in my life. He was there for me when I needed him the most. He was…perfect."

"It was a rainy Tuesday night. School had just ended, and I was home with the baby. Charlie got called out to a particularly gruesome accident out on the highway, just outside of town. Kids drag racing. Charlie went out to help investigate, and keep traffic moving while the cars and mess were cleaned up."

I thought about his last words to me.

"_Bells, there's an accident outside of town. Sounds pretty bad, so I'm going out to assist with traffic and clean up. I shouldn't be long. Will you and Gracie be okay until I get back?"_

"_Ch…Dad, we'll be fine. I'll wait until you get home so you can put Grace to bed. Sound good?"_

"_Sounds great. Bells, I…."_ he didn't how to finish.

"_I know, Dad. I love you too. Be safe and see you soon."_

"When Charlie arrived, the drivers had already been taken by ambulance to the hospital and all that was left was the wreckage to be hauled away. Charlie started directing traffic and that's when it happened. An impatient driver swerved out of the lane, trying to go around the line of cars backed up on the highway. He hit Charlie, killing him instantly. At least he didn't suffer," my voice cracked once again, this time audibly to everyone.

"Oh, Bella," I heard Esme exclaim, as she rushed over to me, leaving Carlisle on the couch. She threw her arms around me, and I hugged her back, my forehead leaning against her shoulder as my body began to shake. Comfort was foreign to me these days, but I would take advantage while it was available. She rubbed my back, trying desperately to soothe me.

As she held me, I glanced up to see Edward. His gaze never left me, while the pain in his eyes was evident. He had spent many an evening watching endless sporting events with Charlie in our home, so the time he spent with Charlie was immeasurable. He knew my dad…his actions, his thoughts. The sorrow penetrated his beautiful topaz eyes, blazing with intensity when I felt another pair of hands grab mine.

"Bella, I am so sorry. I can't believe he's gone. This is so unfair. You've lost so much…you've lost everything," Alice's voice, which started low, grew louder with each word, before grief silenced her. Her body shook with quiet, tearless sobs, each one bigger than the next. The pain must have been intense, as Jasper sat there, looking helpless as to how to soothe his wife.

I stood, as Esme released her arms from around my shoulders and pulled Alice to me. I hugged her fiercely and she collapsed into my frame, the sobs shaking her small body even harder. She was the one who needed comfort this time, and I was more than willing to provide it. I cupped the back of her head, my fingers meshed in her soft hair, as I tightening my grip on her, waiting patiently for her to cry herself out. We stood there for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, her body started to relax and the sobs gently started to quiet, her tiny body starting to still. She looked up to meet my eyes.

"Better?" I asked my friend, searching her face for any answer she could provide.

"A little," she softly replied and after another moment, she went on, "Bella, here I should be comforting you. You lost your father…" she began, until I silenced her.

"And you lost a friend. I've grieved for Charlie. I still miss him, I do, but I got my chance to say goodbye years ago. This information is new to all of you. I know that you spent lots of time with him, Alice, but I don't think you know how much he cared about you. After you all left, he never spoke of any of you, but I don't think that lessened his feelings, Alice. He saw you as this little firecracker. Someone to rely on…someone who could inject enthusiasm into anything. In reality, Alice, he loved you. You should know that."

She looked up at me and smiled weakly. I knew at that moment that she hadn't realized the impact she had made on both my old human life as well as Charlie's. When that understanding was reversed and she understood her influence in one man's simple life, it burst through her, like the sun fighting its way through a cloudy day. She had played a part in Charlie's life, a simple human, and he had come to care about her. I released her then, while Jasper pulled her back into his all-encompassing embrace. He cradled her like a child until she finally smiled back at him.

"Bella, what happened then?" Carlisle's gentle voice broke the stillness in the room.

I glanced at him, trying to force a smile, before I continued, "The deputies came to the house late that night. I knew from the look on their faces that something terrible had happened. They told me that Charlie had been killed while on duty…they went through all the awful details. I called Jacob, who met me at the hospital. He went with me to identify the body, which was awful. Jake wouldn't let me go in there alone and I was grateful he had been so insistent. I had to go through all the unpleasant details of a funeral and he stayed with me and the two of us sat there, holding Grace the entire night after we got back to the house. He offered to do anything to make this easier on me. After everything that had happened, he was still my friend. We loved each other and I let myself take the comfort and support he was offering. He continued to be the same wonderful Jacob that I had fallen in love with, and was so good to me during those days after Charlie died."

I went on to explain how the funeral was a few days later. The good people of Forks sent their favorite police chief off in a big way. Charlie's deputies led the way in their cruisers, with the hearse in tow, the limousine holding me, Grace, Jacob, Renee and Phil behind it, while people from town came to the burial. It was a rather big show of things, the ride through town. The gun salutes at the cemetery. The glowing eulogies. Charlie would have hated it. The only thing he would have appreciated was the quiet gravesite under a beautiful, majestic pine tree in the town's cemetery. But the funeral is for the ones left behind. I remember countless people from town, strangers in my eyes, hugging me, telling me to let them know if I needed anything.

The entire pack came to say goodbye, along with Billy Black, who was devastated by the loss of his friend. Even with what had happened, they respected Charlie and out of that respect, they made an appearance. Jacob held my hand the whole day, which I allowed and even welcomed, probably because I was numb. I had been on emotional overload for so long, and the lack of feeling was almost a relief. I couldn't take anymore.

I needed his comfort so much, but, I knew that I would pay for that later, when I was all alone again. But Jacob and I were making strides with the mediator and had settled custody. Someone continued to come and patrol nightly at Charlie's house. Things were settling back into another familiar, yet entirely different routine.

"I got a call from an estate planner a few days later. Charlie had thought through everything rather meticulously. He had planned and paid for his funeral and plot years earlier and had the foresight to ensure that everything in his small estate was left to me."

"The planner explained that he had been in the process of leaving a portion to Grace to start a college fund, but hadn't finished things prior to his untimely death. It didn't matter. I would do that myself."

"I got it all. The house, his retirement fund, everything. Charlie was a great saver, so it was a tidy sum; surprised me really. We'd never had much money before and that never mattered to me, but now I understood. He had been whittling away his pennies, trying to leave them to me as one last gift. Even after his death, showing me how much he loved me and the pain I hadn't given into yet surfaced. I realized that he had always been my hero. To the town of Forks, he protected them. To me, he protected _and_ loved me. He was still providing for me, helping me. I cried for days, until there weren't any tears left."

"I worked with the planner to set up an account for the money to be transferred. It didn't take much time. I decided, quickly, that I couldn't continue to live in the same house, so I put it on the market immediately. The realtor told me I wasn't asking enough, but I didn't care. I had to make a fresh start and there were just too many memories in that place for me to start over."

"I spent an entire week that summer painting every room. I painted the old cabinets that hadn't been changed in over 20 years in the kitchen. I spruced up everything that I could. Every wall was now white, as I tried desperately to clean the slate of what was now my old life. I felt like the paint could start to erase all the pain, all the memories that I desperately wanted to forget."

"Surprisingly, the house sold quickly. I had a swift escrow with the new buyers. I packed and found a small rental house that was closer to the reservation, to make it easier for me and Jake to take care of Grace. The divorce would be final in just weeks. Time was flying by quickly, and before I knew it, the school year was about to start."

"I was lucky enough, for once, to get a job at the high school in Forks. Yeah, I know, just couldn't get enough of the old place," I smirked, as Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett and Edward smiled with me, "but they needed a new Language Arts teacher and given that I was Chief Swan's daughter, they offered me the position. School started and the days moved along. Jake and I were getting along great, though at times it was awkward, and the custody agreement was working well for both of us. I did everything I could to stay busy. Working. That kept me going. Work and Grace."

I looked up at every face in the parlor and realized that I had finally come to the point in the story that I dreaded telling them. How just one decision I made changed things forever. How Bella Swan really died that fateful night all those years ago…


	21. Chapter 20: Bitten

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's note…a special thank you to my beta, Heartbroken1, who continues to make my story so much better! I couldn't to it without her!_

Chapter 20: Bitten

"The school year started. New students, new routines. Going from teaching elementary to high school curriculum took a lot out of me. I had more planning to do and I struggled to find my niche. The earlier hours were great, though. I could get home earlier and spend more time with Grace."

"The fall just flew by. Halloween came and I took Grace to a costume party on the reservation. Leah's idea of cluing in the wives of Sam's decision did the trick. They welcomed me back with open arms, and I was relieved that the pitied looks had stopped.

The divorce was final and the custody agreement was going well. I dressed Grace as a kitten that year, a little black and grey striped kitten. She looked so adorable and giggled with delight when she went trick or treating."

"Thanksgiving came. Jacob had Grace for the holiday. I was invited, but felt Jake needed some alone time with his daughter. Grace was starting to get used to being with only one of us at a time.

He'd started a friendship with Meghan, which surprised me. He hadn't started dating her yet, but I thought that would most likely come in time. She spent the holidays with Jake and Grace, and I heard from everyone that she was really nice and was beginning to bond with my baby girl. I wasn't thrilled with that, but Jacob was Grace's father and he needed this woman to be whole, so I soldiered on and was grateful that she was sweet to my little one."

"I chose to share the holiday with some colleagues from school. It was a quiet affair and I was home before five. I spent the rest of the weekend working on my Master's thesis, which I finished and was able to submit. Finally! I was determined to get this part of my education finished, as it meant even more time with Grace and a nice pay increase that would help out with my new life.

"I had started to heal, even if it was just a little. I still missed Jake like crazy, loved him still…" when suddenly I heard Edward take in a sharp breath. I looked up, to see what I had missed. Once again, Edward looked uncomfortable, almost sick. His eyes refused to leave my face, though the look of pain on his face was impossible to fathom. _Why are you so upset, Edward?_

Had I said something that was misinterpreted by every member of the family? I looked around to see if anyone else shared his reaction, only to notice that everyone else looked calm, waiting for me to continue. I went on…

"…but time helps a person heal. I tentatively started looking forward to the next chapter in my life, though I had no idea what that would be."

"December came and with it, lots of snow and cold weather. I started prepping the house for the holidays, determined to make it special for my little girl. I shopped on days that Jacob had Grace and looked forward to a quiet Christmas, just her and me. I had accumulated a small amount of gifts for her and I took to baking Christmas cookies in the evening, while she watched. Her eyes would follow my every move, while she would say things like "momma" and "cook", which made me smile. She would laugh and lick the spoon of whatever we made together."

"The last days of school were approaching and the students were looking forward to having a nice long break, as was I. Grace would be with me for the entire Christmas holiday and I couldn't wait. I would have her all to myself for a week, though Jake and I had started a practice of stopping by, after a phone call, to visit when we were missing her too much. It was still hard, but we made it work. Jake and I were still friends, if nothing else."

"The closer we got to the holiday break, the crazier the students got. You all must remember that?" I motioned toward every Cullen 'child' in the room, before continuing. "I came up with some group work for them to do during class, that would allow for some socializing as well as get some work accomplished in the last few days we had before I would unleash them on their unsuspecting parents," I chuckled, but then stopped. What I was about to divulge wasn't pleasant.

"The last day of school came and I was all too happy to release my students. I had lots of work to accomplish before retiring to my home for the night. My plan was quite simple. I would stay at work, no matter how late it got, so I could spend the entire week with my little girl. I would stay and grade every paper, record every score, clean my entire classroom…everything I could do so that my vacation would be work-free."

"One by one, colleagues came and wished me a happy holiday, _warning_ me to not stay too late. By mid-evening, I knew I was the only left in the building. The custodial crew had already come through, anxious to start their vacation as well. I knew I still had at least a few hours ahead of me before I could go home and get a well-deserved rest."

I recounted the evening's events, almost methodically, as I took in rhythmic breaths. I was dreading this part of the story, but it was what every Cullen had waited patiently for hours to hear.

"By 11:00, I knew I was getting close. The excitement I had was almost palpable. I was proud that I'd accomplished my goal and was starting to ready myself to leave. I gathered my box of gifts from students and collected my purse and coat. I never heard the door to my classroom open, but I did hear the 'click' as it closed."

"My hair stood up on the back of my neck as I looked up to see who or what had entered my room."

I stopped, my breath caught in my throat, unable to go on. I could feel the stress building in my shoulders and my stomach tightened.

"Bella," Edward's velvety voice called to me softly, "who was there?"

"Edward, I thought that _all _of you would have figured that out by now," I answered him, trying to keep my voice calm, my expression smooth.

"Bella, we've been here with you all evening. Please tell us who did this to you," Rosalie asked, her voice soft but insistent.

There was no more time to delay. I sat up straight in my seat, clenching my hands together before I responded.

"Victoria."

A split second of stillness remained in the room before chaos erupted. Edward stood, no longer able to control himself and ran to the other side of the room, his motions a blur, before putting his fist through a window, shattering it, which shook the whole wall of the house.

Emmett and Jasper jumped up, as did Carlisle, rushing to Edward's side, as if to restrain him before he caused more damage to their home. But before they could reach him, he had bounded through the window, running at breakneck speed as all three other Cullen men followed him, out through the same huge opening he had created.

Before I knew what was happening, Rosalie and Esme exited, this time out the front door, giving chase.

I was left alone with Alice, who came to my side, taking my hand.

"What the hell was that about?" I looked at my friend, hoping to find some answers in her expression. Their reactions had left me totally confused.

"Edward," she began, unsure of how to continue, "well, I'm not sure…"

"Alice," I tried again, "what's going on? Why is he so upset?"

"Bella, this isn't easy for him. But I think that he should explain what's going on to you himself. It's not my place…" she said before an ear piercing roar interrupted her, breaking the stillness of the forest.

"Who was that?" I asked, already knowing the answer. Before I could say anything further, every member of the Cullen family that had so suddenly left the house returned, this time through the front door, which had been left open when Rosalie and Esme left only minutes earlier. Emmett and Jasper flanked either side of Edward, while Carlisle was close behind, as if to prevent him from escaping again.

Flustered, I began, "I'll go now. I never meant to upset any of you. Edward, I'm sorry if the conversation took a turn you weren't expecting. I'll just get my things and be on my way," I finished as I made my path toward the entryway of the Cullen home.

Emmett stepped in front of me, stopping me in my tracks, before placing his large hand on my shoulder. Even after all this time, I was still intimidated by his massive size. "Bella, Edward's fine. He just had a tantrum, but he's back to normal now. Please don't go. We haven't seen you in years, and I, for one, would like to hear the rest of your story."

I looked around at every face, saving Edward's for last, before I spoke. "Edward, are you alright? I can't stand to see you this upset. Not any of you. I warned you my story wasn't…pleasant. I thought for sure that you all realized by now….well, how this happened to me. I'll leave if you want me to. I won't force myself or my story on any of you."

Edward looked down at my face, his eyes dark with hatred. It was a bit frightening and I could feel myself shrinking back from both his closeness and the rampant hostility in his expression.

Sensing the look on my face and the effect it was having on me, he visibly forced himself to calm down, taking deep breaths and shaking his head back and forth, running his long, thin fingers through his hair, as if trying to clear his mind, before taking my shoulders in his hands. The closeness of him, the feel of his touch, even through my sweater, and the scent of his breath as he took in a large reserve of air, knocked the wind right out of me.

He pulled me even closer before he started, "I am _so_ sorry, Bella. This is completely my fault. I should have been there to protect you, to keep you safe from that _excuse of a creature...that bitch_. This is entirely my fault. You lost _everything_…because of me. I will never forgive myself for any of this. If I had only been stronger and done the right thing, but I thought I _was_ doing the right thing. This is not how this was supposed to happen…"

"Edward, what are you talking about? None of this is your fault. It's just how things are…were for me. You couldn't have had any idea she was coming back. Why are you blaming yourself for this?" I looked up at him, desperate to find some hint in his face…his beautiful, perfect face.

"Why don't you just continue with your story, Bella," he answered quietly, this time not willing to look me in the eye.

"Yes, Bella. If you're up to it, we would like to hear the rest of your story," Carlisle added, one hand on my arm, while the other motioned to the seats that we had all vacated during the bedlam.

"Well, if you're sure…" I answered, my voice unsure.

"_Please_," Edward begged, his face now turned away from me.

We all took our places, such as they had been. I settled myself in, ready to continue and attempt to finish this thing.

"Well, Victoria was there. She looked just as wild as that night in the clearing, her hair tangled, her face twisted in some strange smile. She stood some way back from me as she spoke."

"_Well, I thought this day would never come. I have to hand it to you. You're good at finding protection for yourself. Too bad that things didn't work out for you and the dog. The one thing you're terrible at is holding the interest of a man, but you're just a simple human. Nothing of consequence – definitely nothing special. But this is the best Christmas present I could ever hope to receive. I will finally get my revenge. Because of you, I lost my James."_

"_Why kill me? I'm no longer with Edward. He left years ago. He never loved me; he didn't want me. He told me that…just before he left me."_

I heard Edward take in a deep, sharp breath and I glanced up to see him, his eyes closed, as he pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit he employed when he was frustrated or upset. At that moment, I, again, felt the pain of that night when he left, but pushed it aside as I desperately tried to find my way back to explaining those terrifying moments, the last moments of my human life, before Victoria took it all from me. I pressed on…remembering her menacing words and the crimson of her eyes as she spoke to me.

"_Oh, I know that Edward left you. Someone as plain as you could never hold someone like us…one of our kind. You're just an insignificant little human. But, there is a price to pay, a debt that must be met. And you, my dear, will pay that price. I haven't waited all these years to be disappointed again. Then, I'll find Edward and his family and they'll pay as well. But not before I tell him that I changed his little 'pet'."_

"She actually told you she was going to _change_ you and not kill you," Jasper asked me, his voice incredulous.

"Yes."

"But why?" Esme questioned.

"I'm getting to that," I answered, unable to look directly at her.

"_What do you mean, change me? Why don't you just kill me and get it over with?"_

"_Because you need to pay a price; a dear price. I'm going to bite you and leave you here to suffer for three long days. When you awake, you'll feel a thirst like you've never felt before; but, I'll leave you a clue where to find your first meal."_

She had crossed the room then, advancing toward me, before she positioned herself directly behind me, her hand tight on my shoulder, to prevent me from running. She picked up something from my desk with her free hand and looked at it menacingly…a picture of my Grace.

"_What are you doing?"_

"_When you wake up, the first thing you'll see is this picture of your child. Babies are normally delicious meals, their young blood so sweet and untainted. I have no doubt that your child will be, even if she is half-dog. I've smelled her myself. You'll desire her blood unlike no other. She smells so much like you, and you won't be able to control yourself. You'll drain her so quickly you won't realize what you've done until it's too late. If you're lucky, the pack will finish you off. If you're not, you can live with the guilt that you killed your own child for the rest of your existence."_

I stopped then, closing my eyes, unable to go on. I took in a huge breath and steadied myself before I could continue.

"And then, her laughter in my ears, she lifted me from my seat as she bent her head down to my neck and bit me. I was _so_ hoping that she would get carried away and finish me off, but true to her word, she only bit me once, though it was excruciating, as the coldness of the venom seeped into my veins. Then, the intense fire began. She stood there, ensuring that the venom would leave me paralyzed like it had in Phoenix. When she was satisfied that my change was underway, she backhanded me. I flew across the room and when I hit the floor, she spit in my face, before she left the room. I could hear her pick up my car keys as she left me there, alone to die..."

Silence.

Not a word from anyone.

Finally, Alice's soft voice broke the quietness of the room, "She bit you and left, leaving you to suffer through it alone?"

"Alice, what else did you expect? That she would stay and hold my hand?" the sarcasm in my voice escaping before I could stop it. I saw the remorse in Alice's face, as I immediately regretted my retort and added, "I'm sorry Alice, I didn't mean to snap at you."

Again, quiet. The lack of sound was almost deafening. I anxiously looked around the room, as everyone sat there, saying nothing, their expressions all completely the same – eyes wide, mouths barely open, foreheads slightly creased…shocked. I couldn't handle it any longer.

"Will someone please say something?" I begged.

With that Edward slowly rose from his seat, his fists extended at his sides, rage evident in his face, while his eyes darkened with fury….more fury than I had ever seen before across his breathtaking face.

"Say something? How's this, Bella? I'm _leaving_," he spat out, each word dripping with malevolence, though the level of his voice was low and quiet.

This time I got out of my seat. "Leaving? Why?" I answered him, confused once again._ Had he finally tired of sharing the same air as me?_

His next statement surprised me. "I'm going to find her and kill her. Who would care to join me?" Edward again responded, almost sounding like he was looking for someone to join him for an afternoon matinee at the movies.

With that, every member of the Cullen family stood, as if to silently accept Edward's request, before I felt the need to interject.

"Edward, there's no need…" I started, before he rudely cut me off.

"Bella, there is every need. She ruined your life and I'm going to finish what I started. I thought that she was already dead, but I won't make the same mistake this time. I'll keep hunting her until I find her and…" he continued before I felt the need to cut him off.

"Edward, I'm telling you there is _no_ need to go looking for Victoria," but again, I was dismissed.

"Bella, can you give me one good reason why _you_ feel there is no need?" Edward snapped at me, impatience in his voice, as he took a step toward me.

"Because Edward, I already killed her…" as my voice trailed off.


	22. Chapter 21: Thoughts of Kisses

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: A very special thank you to my fabulous beta, Hearbroken1, for her never-ending support and help. This is part one of a two-part Edward POV…enjoy!_

Chapter 21: Thoughts of Kisses

Edward's POV

I sat there, helpless to know how to comfort her, and continued to listen to this never-ending recount of the events that had happened to Bella, since my departure. True to her person, she was about to sacrifice herself once again.

"Jake and I tried, but it was a losing battle…"

Nonsense. As much as I was thrilled that she was here, for her to continue to support this sorry excuse of a man was starting to tear at my nerves. He did nothing to protect her, to support her, to love her the way that she deserved.

"I'd talked to Charlie about moving in with Grace, during the separation. He was furious with Jake. Wanted to kill him, really…"

Charlie wanted to kill him? Charlie had the right idea… I was ready to obliterate him.

Did he have any concept, any tiny inkling of how much this destroyed her? And, if he did, did he even care? For any person to have the rare experience of being loved by this beautiful woman, and then to throw that love away was beyond unreasonable. Was he mentally competent?

I had done exactly this same thing to her, but my rage wouldn't allow me to focus on my mistakes tonight.

"Jacob came home from work one night, in his typical mood. He couldn't focus, his kiss for me awkward and brief…"

What I wouldn't give at this moment to pull her into my arms, and kiss her. Really kiss her. I knew from watching my siblings' and parents' thoughts and images that the chaste kisses I'd shared with Bella during our time together, although wonderful and warm and completely memorable, were only scratching the surface of the ecstasy we could share. Now that she was no longer fragile, no longer _human_, my mind turned to more impure thoughts of how I desired to kiss her.

To explore her mouth with my tongue and taste her, and have her do the same to me, to hold her tightly to my body, to completely permit myself to go on kissing her for as long as we both wished, exploring this type of physical intimacy that I had never dared allow myself to do when we had been together in Forks….to not have to be conscious every single moment that I might kill her with my strength or my ridiculous bloodlust. To be completely free with her, for once… Black continued to act the fool, having had that opportunity and freely letting it go.

Jasper's thoughts drifted to me, breaking my concentration on Bella for a second. "_Whoa, fella. I know that you haven't seen her in ten years, but do you mind toning down the lust a bit? I can feel it coming off you in waves…and I've got Alice on my lap. Help a man out…" _

I immediately forced myself to cease thinking those things in regards to Bella, even though I wanted to kiss her more than anything right now. My parents raised me better than that and Bella was a lady. I needed to keep reminding myself that as much as I wanted her, I had no rights to her -- y_et…_

"_Jake, we need to talk… You belong with this Meghan… It's killing you and I care about you too much to just sit here and let you go on suffering."_

What about you, Bella? What did this do to you? Did he even care how much this destroyed you? And what about the child? Your daughter, Bella? I knew from my years of reading other's thoughts how much a parents' divorce can damage a child psychologically, making them question how to trust, to ever believe that things can be normal again. I had not been privy to Bella's thoughts, but I knew how much damage her parents' divorce had done to her.

"_No, Bella. I promised to love you forever. I made vows to you. I will not hurt you like this. It will pass in time. We're married. You and I belong together and neither of us is going anywhere. She doesn't even know about any of this. The imprint doesn't change anything when it comes to you and me…"_

My stomach turned and my rage was building. He continued to say what any woman would want to hear. But, what if I was wrong? What if he wanted to make this work? What if he loved her, really loved her? What if this imprint thing _was_ real?

Esme's thoughts believed it; who was I to judge? Esme believed this legendary process that had single-handedly destroyed my Bella's happy, human existence, which I so desperately wanted for her.

It was ironic. I wanted her with me so greatly, and yet, I wanted her to have her human life back, for her to be reunited with her husband and her Grace.

But, I couldn't undo the conversion. What was in front of us was what we had to work with. Bella was here, heartbroken and visibly lonely. More importantly, she was a vampire. What I never wanted for her she had become and in some ways, it was the most wonderful thing that could have happened to me, as selfish as it was for me to admit.

If she would only allow me back into her heart, we could start again, this time as true equals and attempt to find some happiness with each other. But, was I getting ahead of myself? _I prayed not…_

"I knew he loved me, but it wasn't enough. _I _wasn't enough…"

I could see the hopelessness in her eyes, the sad despondency that crept through.

_Not enough?_ Bella was more than I ever deserved. She accepted me as I was and loved me. How could I have ever let her go?

That was the most difficult day of my life, more difficult than when I had discovered what I'd become all those years ago, when I awoke from the those three days of torturous pain and Carlisle explained what had happened. Even more difficult when I left my family and went out to find my own way, only to be crushed with guilt and return Esme and Carlisle as their prodigal son.

I thought of that day often, as I acutely remembered the hollow look in Bella's eyes, the realization of my lies shattering her tender heart. She thought I didn't want her, thought that I _never_ loved her. That tore my heart in two and the pain was still there. I'd done that to her and here I sit, thinking that she will possibly have me back. I was a complete idiot. I still am…

"The tears came then. I couldn't stop them any longer and I let him hold me…"

My arms ached to hold her…

"I wanted nothing more than to stay there with him, to hold onto my husband forever. To have another baby, be that perfect family that I had hoped for so long. I thought when I married Jacob that I would have all of that, and we would grow old together, spoiling our grandchildren…but it just couldn't happen. We both had to start over."

She still loved him. It was obvious. How could her heart hold any love for me when she was still so completely in love with this half-human beast, who allowed her to be hurt, this _man_ who broke her heart.

What I wanted for her, she'd wanted for herself. She found that dream only to have it so cruelly taken from her, even though she had helped with that process. But that was Bella, always sacrificing her happiness for the sake of others.

She went on to explain how she had arranged for a lawyer to begin divorce proceedings and how Black was unsure of those plans. When she told me that he wouldn't agree to Grace leaving the reservation…

_Just who the hell did he think he was, keeping Bella from her own child?_

My rage continued to build; first he cheats on her, breaks her heart, basically leaves her emotionally bankrupt, while she desperately tries to fix the relationship that _he_ destroyed, and now he thinks he can keep her from her own daughter?

My shoulders started to tighten, while I could feel my muscles involuntarily begin to tense, as if to ready themselves to fight. I took several small, shallow breaths, trying to not draw attention to myself, attempting to calm my temper, while I kept my face as smooth as stone. I didn't know how much longer I could contain my feelings.

Bella spoke of the humiliation she felt as she described to us her miserable excuse of a husband, that she could no longer stay in La Push, and that she couldn't bear to watch him court and fall in love with another woman.

_Fall in love?_ Does that ass even know what love is?

I loved Bella. Loved her with my entire being. Being alone, with only my family for companionship, for so long, I had felt complete without a mate. That all changed when I met Bella. The one woman -- a human, no less -- who accepted me. She knew what I was and never ran from me.

Even after the incident in the meadow, where I knew I had frightened her, to the terrifying ordeal she went through with James in Phoenix, she never left my side. She wanted to be part of my life and was willing to risk her very life to accomplish that goal.

She told me herself that day, when she explained that she knew her life was at risk every moment she spent with me, and yet, she stayed. I remembered what she said to me, "_I was afraid...because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't stay with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should."_

I was proud that Bella stood up for herself and took steps to procure her freedom, even though it cost her. She was still the same beautiful, stubborn, amazing woman I remembered from all those years ago.

She had grown, matured, strengthened in her resolve to do whatever she needed to… She had continued to rely on herself, which made my pride for her grow even stronger. It also saddened me. She shouldn't have had to face this alone and I heard her mention no one stood by her side, as she faced another sad and torturous ordeal from her human life.

Jacob had healed her when I left her, but he had broken her this time. She had no one to help her rebuild her life this turn, and it broke my heart.

"_Bella, it doesn't have to be like that. You'll find someone else to love. I know you will…"_

That man is sitting right in front of you, Bella. The same man that has loved you since the moment he first saw you, who stills loves you, even more, if that's possible. You are amazing and I love you. I only wish you knew that and I have no idea how to tell you. And, I'm even more anxious as to how you'll react _when_ you find out. Will you reject me? I would deserve no less…

She again spoke of Sam and how he threatened her with losing her only child. My anger again elevated, as I thought of Black sitting there, allowing Bella to be humiliated and bullied by his "alpha", as he sat there and did nothing.

Bella spoke of how Jacob protected her, and I had to ask myself, why did that protection cease? I saw the fear and anger mingled through her delicate face, as she spoke of taking steps to leave the reservation with Grace and file for immediate custody.

"Jake was faster than me and barred my way. He refused to let me pass. I was struggling to get past him, but he was so much bigger and stronger."

Did this action make him feel powerful? Keeping Bella from her child, so he could control the situation? She was giving him everything he wanted and he still wanted more. How would this end?

As if she could hear my thoughts, I heard what happened next.

"…Jake was sitting in the front room and saw me leaving with her. He ran to the door and grabbed me by the arm, hard. Much harder than he intended to, I'm sure. I heard something 'pop', before I felt the pain. Terrible agony. It felt like my right arm was falling off."

I couldn't contain my anger any longer. A growl escaped my chest before I could stop it. "He hurt you? He put his hands on you?" I roared at her, raking my fingers through my hair.

My mind was flooded with the reproachful thoughts and words of my father. _"Edward, you'll frighten her. You must control yourself. If you can't, I'll ask you to leave the room and her presence. Do you understand me?"_

Bella did her best to assure me that the monster that called himself her loving husband only hurt her by accident and nothing more.

I was about to say more, before Emmett, my loving, forthright brother took the words right out of my mouth, "Bella, I don't care if was an accident or not. I could, quite literally, catch the next plane to Seattle right now and kill him for that."

Every member of my family had the same thoughts. They loved Bella and the idea of Black grabbing her hard enough to physically hurt her, threw our emotions and protective feelings for her into overdrive. It was unacceptable.

While Jasper used his gift to calm every person in the room, a small smile formed on Bella's beautiful, rosy lips.

I was confused by her reaction, and again, before I could stop myself, my anger from the evening's revelations got the best of me, as I snapped at the woman I loved, though my anger was hardly directed at her, "Tell me, Bella, what exactly are you smiling about?"

"Well, with all that I've discussed this evening, it's sort of nice," she began.

Again, I fought to control the rage that continued to consume me. "Nice? What the hell is nice about any of this?"

Her eyes took on an amused quality, which did nothing to calm my anger. If nothing else, it confounded me more as she linked her tiny fingers together, before plopping her hands on her lap, the look on her face one of breezy impatience. "Well, if you stop interrupting me, I can finish my statement."

I took a deep breath before I responded, although each word came out similar to the sound of a vehicle crossing a rumble strip on any highway. "Fine. I apologize. Go ahead, Bella. I'll do my best to not interrupt." That would prove to be difficult.

"It's nice to feel…well, protected."

Bella had no idea how much I wanted to protect her, how I had left her in the first place to keep her safe, and how I would continue to do so with everything that I had up to, and including, my last unnecessary breath.

As always, her response never ceased to amaze me and each member of the family, including Rosalie, who echoed her statement.

Bella was here and I would do everything in my power to make her understand just how much I've always loved her.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

I fought myself internally to calm down. Carlisle wasn't jesting in the least when he said that he'd ask me to leave the room if I couldn't maintain a calm demeanor around Bella.

The thought of her being here and me being forced to leave her presence gave me the incentive I needed to find that balance of calm and polite curiosity in Bella's presence.

She continued her story and again talked of Sam's condescending behavior toward her, as well as the pain she was in when Jacob forcibly stopped her from leaving with her Grace. My patience was put to the test again and again. The wolves in La Push had put my Bella through too much and I was never one to sit there and allow something like this to just happen.

In my human days, a man, a real man, wouldn't just sit there and allow his loved ones to be assaulted while he sat idly by. This was no different.

To think of someone trying to control Bella was a bit amusing, as she was never one to be told what to do, but it still frustrated me that she seemed alone in the situation without anyone to advocate for her.

Leah? Bella had spoken of Leah, had told us how she, too, had been victim to this ridiculous imprinting scheme that the wolves were trying to sell her. Thank the good Lord, Himself…. Leah was standing up to these bullies, trying desperately to be that supporter I had just wished for Bella. Another woman taking Bella's side; well, a half-woman, at the very least.

I heard Rosalie's thoughts, _"It took a woman to get them to shut up! Not surprising… they're damn lucky I wasn't there."_

I chuckled internally, thinking of Rosalie confronting a pack of wolves. Rosalie may be the equivalent of beauty herself, but she was no shrinking flower. I had seen her fight, had been on the receiving end of it from time to time, when our tempers got the best of ourselves. Rosalie could protect herself, though Emmett made that completely unnecessary. There wasn't one man in our household that wouldn't defend their mate, physically or emotionally, with everything they possessed.

Wait. What did she just say? _Leah had imprinted._ Before Bella had mentioned that every wolf imprinted, but I never assumed she meant the one lone female in their population.

As much as it pained me, this whole imprinting thing might be real, and if it was, it was one of the strangest things I had come across in my more than one hundred years of _living._

As ironic as it was, I found myself laughing, if only silently, again. The thought of this female wolf standing up to the alpha of the pack, threatening to tell the wives was humorous. I knew firsthand how the women in our household clung together. Shopping was one thing, but they weren't the type to be trampled by anyone. They may look delicate; however, they were anything but. Currently, the females were outnumbered by the males in this household, _but I was hoping to change that…_

Bella's face was serious, intent as she remembered those human memories of that terrible night. She was in physical and emotional pain, had been humiliated, bullied and had to rely on another female to come to her side in defense. Where had Jacob gone? As her husband, though their marriage was essentially over, it was his responsibility to protect her.

She talked of the scene in the nursery, her arm hanging limply, Jake holding their child, as he tried to make amends. She loved him and forgave him, just like that, which made my stomach turn. How could I ever hope to have a second chance with her if she still loved him?

She begged him to take her to the hospital and was desperate to take their daughter with her. Given what had transpired that night, it wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility that she may have returned to the house to find her daughter gone. The idea of Bella having to beg for anything made my temper flare again. I would give her anything freely, if it was mine to give.

When she told us that the doctor had diagnosed her dislocated shoulder, I took in a quiet breath. I remembered the time I spent in medical school as I studied this very procedure. The professor explained how incredibly painful this injury was and how much permanent damage could result, if proper and expedient care wasn't administered.

But when she revealed the bruise that Black had left on her arm, I fought to maintain control. Again, thoughts of hurting him in the same manner, or worse, flooded my mind. How could he hurt someone so tiny as Bella? Before I could say anything, my dear, sweet sister spoke for me, but in a much calmer manner than I could have mustered.

Alice's thoughts in regards to Jacob Black were anything but tranquil…_"How dare he hurt my friend like that?"_ while her audible voice was calm, though laced with obvious concern, if not confusion, "But, he hurt you. He dislocated your shoulder. How could you defend him?"

"Alice, like I said before, it was an accident. Maybe I'm being naïve, but in my heart, I truly knew Jake would never intentionally hurt me…Before I knew it, Charlie burst through the door, looking like he was readying himself to kill."

Charlie was there? When exactly did Charlie arrive? I sat forward in my seat, lacing my hands together, my elbows rested on my knees, as I hung on her every word. How I wish I could have been there to see the exchange I knew in my heart was coming. I knew how much Charlie loved Bella, even if he had a difficult time expressing it to her. I could see every thought that passed through his head when he and I were in close proximity. He would protect Bella as any father should and I felt this time would be absolutely no different.

"_Bells, what happened to you? How did this happen? Where is he? I'll arrest his ass..."_

I was amazed at Charlie's use of language. He was usually so laid back, so calm. This was the Charlie I always knew was there, right below the surface of his professional, down-to-earth persona, the police chief that the residents of Forks admired and relied on.

Bella pleaded with her father to understand, but I felt that I might have understood how difficult that had to be for Charlie, knowing that his daughter was hurt and who was responsible. He wouldn't be dismissed so easily.

"_Bella, don't you dare tell me to calm down! No one hurts my daughter and gets away with it! Damn it. Look at your arm. How badly are you hurt? What did the doctor say?"_

Finally! Someone who was willing to protect Bella, the way she needed to be protected, deserved to be kept safe from harm.

Had I been there…but, I wasn't.

I remembered my rage when James had threatened her, that night in the clearing. How I had to fight every instinct to not rip him to pieces right then and there, in order to remove her from the dangerous situation I had so recklessly placed her in. I can only imagine how I would have killed Black, had I seen how her "loving" husband had injured her.

I slowly closed my eyes as I thought to myself…my plan for her to have this perfect human life hadn't gone at all like I planned…

"_Charlie, I'm so sorry. I swear I never meant to hurt her. I love her, care about her so much. Like she said, things got out of control, but it was my fault, even if it was an accident. I would never harm Bella – not intentionally. I am so sorry I hurt her and I'll never forgive myself for that. I still can't believe this happened, but you can take me in. I won't fight you; I deserve it."_

"_You're damn right you deserve it! You son of a bitch! You promised me that you wouldn't ever hurt her. First, she tells me she has to leave La Push, because __**you're**__ unhappy, and then you rip her arm out of the socket, not to mention that bruise. What the hell were you thinking? And you did this with Grace in the house! When did you get like this?"_

My concentration drifted back to her beautiful voice as she recounted the events of Charlie first letting his son-in-law have it, while wanting to arrest Jacob and I fought to keep a smug smile from appearing on my face.

Arresting Jacob wasn't harsh enough. Bella continued to detail the evening, as she tried to prevent her father from taking her abusive husband into police custody, accident or not.

"With my comment, the two most important men in my life stopped to look at me…"

While my face remained calm, my breath rushed out of my lungs, while I fought to stay upright in my seat. My cold, dead heart ripped in two, all over again, when I heard her say those words. _The two most important men in my life…_

I wanted to be one of those men. I'd ached to be that vital, significant part of Bella's life and with one statement, I realized that I had lost that opportunity. I was more than willing to share her with Charlie, but to know that I wasn't counted among her important list nearly destroyed me.

I swallowed back the pain of what I had just been handed and forced myself to focus on Bella. I was being so selfish, thinking that after everything I'd done, she would allow me the opportunity to be that close to her again.

Every idea of kissing her, holding her, comforting her as she went through this was secondary to what was right for her. I would figure out what that was and do everything in my power to make it happen, even if it continued to make my life a misery.

Charlie continued to protect his daughter and grandchild from Jacob. It was obvious from what she was telling us, that Charlie was beyond upset. He had trusted Jacob once. I knew that much from his thoughts. He had been incredibly close with the Black family and Jacob was no different. But given the behavior of the night, in conjunction with the breakup of his and Bella's marriage, Charlie's demeanor toward Black had changed permanently. He no longer trusted this person who hurt his child and was determined to protect Bella the way she deserved to be protected.

As she was attempting to bring a close to the conversation detailing the events of that night, I was once again not surprised by her desire to allow Jacob an opportunity to properly say goodnight to his daughter and be a part of her child's life.

She knew firsthand what it was like to be a child of divorce and it did damage her. I don't believe she knew Charlie nearly as well as I did, as I could read his thoughts and that was a shame. Had she and Charlie been given the opportunity to spend more time together as she was growing and maturing, I can only imagine how much more wonderful that would have been for her.

Bella was determined to do the right thing for her child, even though Charlie couldn't comprehend why she was being so forgiving, so intent on making things fair for both she and Jacob. She was doing all this for the sake of her child. A child she could no longer see.

Bella continued to tell her story, as her face twisted again in pain, her forehead tight with stress. "…He cradled her close to his chest, the tears staining his cheeks, while he hummed softly to her. He kissed her forehead before setting her in the crib. He looked at me, immense sadness in his eyes, before he turned to say one last thing to me."

"_Bella, I'll be watching out for both of you tonight. I promise."_

She told us of the moment that she and Jacob really separated. The pain on her face was torturous to me as she recounted how he was finally giving her what she wanted, and at the same time never desired. How the man that once claimed to love her finally let her go.

Knowing how selfish it was of me, I hoped to replace that spot in her heart. To be that man that she looked to for everything -- love, support, and most importantly, comfort.


	23. Chapter 22: Confusion & Heartache

_Author's Note: Here is part two...enjoy! Thanks again to my beta and to let you all know that I am leaving the freezing cold of Michigan and the promise of a snowstorm that is threatening almost a foot of snow for the sunny islands of the Dominican Republic until Monday night...I will respond to every review, email and private message just as soon as I return. My wonderful husband will NOT let me take my laptop with me...bummer! See you all soon!_

Chapter 22: Confusion & Heartache

Bella grew quiet, as the rest of the family waited patiently for her to continue. Their thoughts continued to seesaw back and forth between murder for Jacob and utter sadness for Bella, as they listened to her set out her story in front of us, the agony clearly written on her face, as her voice would catch from time to time as she relived each painful moment.

Alice was beyond thrilled that Charlie had finally been the one to stand up for her, to protect her when she needed it the most. Her voice echoed her reflection. "Bella, it's so wonderful that Charlie stood up for you. I know he's your father, but I don't think you understand how much he loves you…"

I seconded that thought, as I added, "Bella, she's right. I could hear his thoughts. He loves you more than you can imagine. He must miss you right now. Do you have any idea how he's doing?"

Bella looked up at me, with an unexplainable look of utter sadness on her face. Were her thoughts still focused on Jacob? Or Grace? Was there something else that would make her look that sad, that distant?

_Now what?_

She drew in a deep breath before she let it out, her face a mix of emotions that were difficult to decipher. She focused her gaze on the floor before she said it. "I should have mentioned this earlier. Charlie died…" She rubbed her forehead, I imagine trying to comfort herself.

It was as if I could hear Alice's tender heart break as the only word she thought was _"Charlie…."_ as an image of his face, smiling, passed through her mind. When we left, Alice also left Charlie behind, a human man that had grown to love her.

I never said as much to her, to spare her the burden, but I could hear Charlie's thoughts in regards to my tiny sister and he was completely besotted with her. She was grief stricken, as Jasper tried, in vain, to soothe her.

Jasper sent out one of the strongest waves of peace and calm I had ever felt from him, and Bella looked to him, a smile of gratitude on her lips. Her face dropped when she saw Alice, and although I could barely see her face, her thoughts spoke of her immense sadness.

Bella looked even more pained, her eyes and forehead wrinkled before she addressed my sister. "Alice, I can stop now. I don't have to continue. I can't watch you suffer like this."

Alice had a difficult time responding, her voice choked with grief. She turned her head to look at her closest friend. "No, Bella, please tell me what happened to Charlie. I need to know."

My heart was breaking for my sister almost as much as it was for Bella at that moment. I had rarely heard her so grief stricken…not since we had left Bella.

Bella paused for a moment, her face flooded with emotions, as her eyes betrayed her as unsure of whether or not to continue. "Charlie was great when we moved in…. He _loved_ spending time with her… feeding her dinner…make these goofy faces and cajole her into eating… She would laugh at him and the smile on his face…was so endearing. He loved her so much!"

Bella's face had a wistful quality, as she continued to remember her father and I could see them, in their little kitchen, as Charlie would feed this baby, his only grandchild, in a high chair, doing his best to entertain her and this tiny child would reward him for his efforts with her gentle laughter. I had no doubt that Charlie would love to spend time with Bella's daughter and the fact that he rearranged his life for her didn't surprise me in the least.

She continued with how the last night of Charlie's life began and the endearing way he spoke to his only child before going out into the rainy night to do his duty. His last words to her were almost prophetic, as they held that same familiar way of Charlie's communication with his daughter…he loved her and struggled to say it. But, fortunately, Bella knew her father loved her and I was grateful they had that final exchange before his untimely death.

My mother rushed to Bella, her thoughts only of comforting her daughter. Esme had accepted Bella before I even brought her home that day, so many years ago. The fact that I loved her was enough. Esme's heart and her unmatched ability to love were in fast-forward, as she attempted to comfort Bella over another loss. Her thoughts echoed my own…_how much more could Bella possibly lose?_

Bella looked up and I caught her gaze. I tried to convey every ounce of sympathy for her loss, as I willed my eyes to help her understand how sorry I was that her father had died so tragically, and without warning. Her eyes bore into mine and I wished, yet again, that I could read her mind.

Alice's tiny hand reached out for Bella's and took hold of it, before she said, "Bella, I am so sorry. I can't believe he's gone. This is so unfair. You've lost so much…you've lost everything." She spoke until she couldn't go on. Her thoughts were a tangled mess of grief for both herself and Bella.

With that Bella rose from her chair as my mother released her from her tight embrace and with one swift movement, she pulled Alice to her, holding her tightly, while she attempted to offer some respite from her sorrow. It was so similar to what I had done for her earlier in the evening.

Bella was ever true to her nature and she pushed her own grief aside to comfort my poor sister, who was finally beginning to feel some small amount of relief. She spoke, a small smile on her lips, her eyes warm, searching for any way to comfort Alice. "Better?"

Alice took in a small, jagged breath, before answering. "A little…"

Bella and Alice continued to comfort each other, until Jasper pulled his wife back into his embrace. Bella reclaimed her seat and looked to my father, who asked, "Bella, what happened then?"

It tortured my heart to hear her talk about the days following her father's death. As much as I hated Jacob Black, I was grateful that the bastard had been there, offering her empty comfort as she dealt with such a difficult situation, especially when it came to identifying Charlie's body.

That must have been pure anguish for Bella, especially given how he died. She went through every detail of the funeral, and how completely and utterly alone she knew she would feel when that selfish bastard of a husband would leave her again to suffer through the pain again.

I was completely nonplussed when she talked about the phone call she received from the estate planner. Having read Charlie's thoughts, I knew that he took his financial responsibility very seriously, especially when it came to Bella. He was a simple man with simple tastes and that helped him financially when it came to saving for his only child. His last gift to her was completely in character for Charlie. Bella was right. He would do anything for her…all she had to do was ask.

It saddened me when she spoke of selling the house. She and I had so many wonderful times in that place. My thoughts drifted back to the first night I spent with her after the meadow…our meadow…and I fought back a sigh.

I remembered every single night that I held her while she slept, listening to her heartbeat as she would occasionally call out my name while she slept. Every single time my name fell from her lips, I felt such a rush of joy.

I loved this tiny woman and the way that she would utter my name made me feel like a man for the first time in so many years of my existence. _I want to hear her call my name out like that again, even if she could no longer sleep…_

I chuckled, along with my siblings, when Bella told us she obtained a teaching position at the local high school in Forks. It was a bit difficult to imagine Bella standing at the front of the classroom, sharing knowledge with her students. The very same classrooms where she and I had met. I wondered which room was assigned to her and if her students enjoyed having her as a teacher. It was certainly a strange set of events that had brought her back to our old high school.

Bella looked nervous as she reached this point of the story and her eyes darted around the room, as she seemed to struggle with how to continue. My lungs stopped functioning as I realized that we had finally arrived at the point of the story that I had certainly wanted to hear from the beginning of the evening.

_Who had done this to my beautiful Bella?_

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Bella's words were coming faster now. Her lack of a poker face betrayed just how frightened she was as she launched, once more, into what had happened during our time apart. Again, I fought the urge to go to her and hold her, in an effort to comfort her.

The look of pure nervousness was agonizing and again, I felt the distinct feeling of failure when I saw what she was going through, knowing that it was my fault.

She talked of how she was welcomed back to the reservation, and how the wives took her and her baby back under their protective wing, which offered me some comfort. Bella never once spoke of any other friends and I felt this must have been her only support network.

I tried to imagine this child, who was faceless to me, dressed as a kitten for Halloween, as Bella would take her door to door, trick or treating. I could only imagine the smile on Bella's face as her little one took joy in a human holiday. Knowing that my love's days with her child were numbered made my stomach clench.

Again, her conversation brought up that vile excuse of a man. So, he tried to act noble and not date this Meghan?

_How kind_, I thought sarcastically. I wasn't fooled by this act. He must have had an ulterior motive and it depressed me to think that Bella continued to waste her time pining over a husband that no longer cared for her. The look of anguish on her face was utterly heartbreaking as she spoke of this new woman bonding with her child.

Esme's thoughts paralleled mine, _"I know I couldn't handle losing any of my children to another mother. How on earth did she manage that? And that poor child now has a different mother – she will never know how wonderful her REAL mother is."_

I was immensely proud when I heard Bella speak of her master's thesis being completed. She had always been an exceptional student and I wasn't surprised that she had accomplished this part of her education.

I thought of all the subjects she and I could discuss, and pursue together, if only I could get that second chance with her.

"I had started to heal, even if it was just a little. I still missed Jake like crazy, loved him still…"

I couldn't stop myself. The sharp breath I took was to attempt to stop the pain that came from my long dead heart. How could she continue to love him? _I love you, Bella – can't you see that?_

She glanced up at me and I composed my face into that smooth marble exterior I had perfected over the years. She looked confused when she looked in my direction, as she continued to glance around the room, as she seemed to be looking for something, though I couldn't possibly fathom what.

She continued, "…but time helps a person heal. I tentatively started looking forward to the next chapter in my life, though I had no idea what that would be."

My shoulders started to relax a bit, as I took some hope in her statement. Time does help, though not much. I eagerly hoped that _I_ would be Bella's next chapter and that I would be the one to finish her book, a book that would go on forever, if I had any say in the matter. _But how?_

She talked of the approaching Christmas holiday and how she spent the evenings with her daughter. I had watched Bella cook dinner numerous times for Charlie and could picture her, with this tiny child watching her every move, as I'd done on so many occasions, as she flitted around the kitchen.

The idea of human food repulsed me, but I was able to smile some, imagining her spending quality time with her little girl…time that was quickly running out, from the sound of things.

I lost myself in thought as I considered what Christmas would be like in the Cullen household, if Bella were here, with me. We never slept on Christmas Eve like other families…we usually spent the evening watching movies and playing games in the snow.

Carlisle would normally work some of the day, to allow his human colleagues an opportunity to share the holidays with their families. As he put it, his human counterparts had limited tine with their families, where he had forever with us. When he would return home, Esme would pull him into a tight embrace under one of the random sprigs of mistletoe that Alice had placed all over the house.

Since Bella had left, Alice had ceased that tradition. My family did their best to keep their amorous exploits to a minimum around me – they knew how much it pained me to see them, though I would never consciously ask them to restrict their activities with their spouses. The Cullen Christmases had been a major disappointment since leaving Forks.

Our activities had been focused in a different direction, until the past two years or so. We had other things that demanded our attention and I wouldn't allow myself to focus on those times.

We had tried, in vain, to recapture the spirit of the holiday for the past year or so, and would go through the tradition of exchanging small gifts with each other. Alice always knew what she was getting, as she could see each gift as we made our choices, but she was always grateful and it was her indomitable spirit that kept us going.

Alice's favorite holiday was Christmas and she showed her loved for every one of her family members by decorating the house to the hilt. Each and every year we thought that she couldn't outdo herself, and every year we were proven wrong.

_It was never a good idea to bet against Alice._

Had Bella been with us, things would have been so different. The things I wished to give her! When we had been together, she loathed for me to spend any money on her. Her birthday had been testament to that.

She absolutely forbid me to spend a dime, though it took every ounce of my willpower to not rush to the nearest jewelers and not clean them out. But that's one of the things that I loved about Bella. She cared not for what I had, but rather what I was. She saw me as a man once upon a time.

_How did she view me now?_

If given the opportunity, I would spoil my Bella with anything that her heart desired. I would give her the world, if she would only allow me back into her heart. My Christmas holidays would be infinitely more special, if I had Bella at my side. Our family would be complete and things would be as they should have been, had I listened to my family and not allowed my stubborn nature dictate my choices in regards to Bella.

With a small smile, Bella spoke of spending the entire holiday with her daughter and we all chuckled along with her when she mentioned the students of Forks High and the crazy enthusiasm that the students exhibited as they waited for the long holiday break.

Those weeks before the holiday always exasperated me, as every teenage mind was thrown into hyper overdrive with the approach of the holidays, their minds filled with vacation plans and hopes for various gifts from their friends and family members.

The volume of Bella's voice continued to quiet, as she was nearing something in her story that was unsettling. I feared that we finally arrived at how Bella became one of our kind, the very thing I had never wished for her. She continued to look at the floor, the ceiling, the fireplace…anywhere but any of us.

"…I never heard the door to my classroom open, but I did hear the 'click' as it closed…my hair stood up on the back of my neck as I looked up to see who or what had entered my room."

She stopped speaking. From the looks of it, her chest was completely still and I gently leaned forward in my chair, so as not to startle her.

I spoke softly to her, "Bella, who was there?"

Still not looking up from the floor, she answered me. "Edward, I thought that _all _of you would have figured that out by now."

Rosalie's thoughts were growing impatient and she voiced the question that everyone wanted to speak, but dared not. "Bella, we've been here with you all evening. Please tell us who did this to you."

Bella sat upright in the overstuffed chair, which made her look tiny by comparison. Her hands clenched and she took an enormous breath before she spoke the one word that I was certain was coming, but until that moment would not allow myself to think of… "Victoria."

Before I knew what was happening or before I could stop myself, my rage boiled over. The very person I hated with my entire existence had stolen Bella's life. The very creature that I had hunted had been elusive and gotten to my love, before I could find her.

I had failed Bella, and the rage I felt took control of me, as the inner beast taunted me with my letdown. I jumped from my seat, knowing that I had to get out of the house, absolutely unwilling this time to be stopped by my brothers. I knew they would prevent me from leaving through the more traditional exits of the room, so I decided to create one of my own.

I would hunt her, find her, torture and kill her before I could return, to look Bella in the eye and tell her that the threat had been contained.

I crossed the room and approached the large bay window that looked out onto the front yard of the property and forced my fist through it, as the window shattered. The sheer violence of the act made the inner beast smile.

This is who I am. A monster.

A monster that had failed the only woman I had ever loved. She lost it all because of me and my new mission was to avenge her. I thought the threat that was Victoria had already been contained, but I wouldn't fail this time.

I would keep going until I destroyed her and would watch with delight as her body parts burned, and the purple smoke, thick with her scent, would drift toward the sky.

I knew from their thoughts that my family was right behind me, but I jumped through the window, placing my hands on the sill, as I flipped my long legs through the opening I had just created. I did the same with the front porch fence and took off toward the woods that surrounded our home, running with more speed than I had ever mustered before.

By now, both of my brothers and father were in pursuit, and I could hear the front door of our home open, as Esme and Rosalie followed. I could hear the onslaught of their thoughts, screaming at me to stop and to not run away this time. They didn't understand that I had to do this. I had to find this bitch and kill her.

I wasn't running away. I was taking care of unfinished business.

"_Edward, don't go…" _Esme begged.

"_Son, don't leave like this. She won't understand," _Carlisle pleaded, with his usual calmness.

I couldn't listen. I just kept running.

"_Damn it, Edward. Can't you just stay and face it? There's nothing you can do now," _Rosalie screamed at me through her thoughts. She was gaining on me, but I was still faster. I wouldn't be caught.

_Or so I thought…_

I continued to run, when I heard what had been five sets of legs after me suddenly become four. I could sense someone behind me, a split second after I heard his thoughts, _"Edward, stop. This isn't helping. You promised Esme you wouldn't do this. You can't go, Edward…we won't let you,"_ Jasper's voice called to me through his thoughts as he crashed into me, having leapt through the air to tackle me, much like a predator would capture their prey. His strong arms grabbed my shoulders from behind, knocking me to the ground as we rolled through the grass.

I struggled to regain my footing, but was too late when Emmett stepped in and effectively strong-armed me to the ground.

"_Edward, calm down. You aren't leaving…I've got a hold of you. Just relax," _Emmett's thoughts, normally boisterous, were suddenly calm, willing me to listen.

I stopped struggling and my body resigned itself to the inevitable. My shoulders went limp and I dug my palms into my eyes, as Carlisle knelt beside me, taking me into his fatherly embrace.

My body shook with all the frustration I was feeling, before I could contain myself no longer. The roar that escaped my lungs was ferocious, echoing off the trees and reverberating back to the small clearing that we were currently situated in. I could sense Esme and Rosalie step back, as the sheer force of it startled them.

My mother's eyes were glistening as she spoke to me. "You can't run away from this, from us. You promised," Esme began.

I looked up at her, my eyes begging her to comprehend what I was trying to do. "I wasn't…you don't understand," I countered.

My father's calm voice whispered in my ear, though the rest of the family heard it, "Edward, go back to her and listen. You can't change what happened. But, you can be there for her, which is what she needs right now," he finished.

Emmett looked at me as his quiet thoughts carried to me, an ultimatum of sorts, _"If I loosen my grip, you WILL NOT run. Can I trust you?"_

I nodded, completely drained. Disappointed. Bitter. Angry. Furious. Guilty.

Emmett and Jasper both jumped to their feet, as Jasper extended his left hand to me, to help me from the hard ground of the forest. I couldn't meet anyone's gaze and we silently walked back to the house, with Jasper and Emmett flanking either side of me, while Carlisle followed us from behind. Rosalie and Esme led the group of us, back toward the house where Bella waited, I hoped.

I would have to face her in seconds, and I wasn't ready to look this amazing woman in the eye and tell her I had failed her, in the most horrific way possible. I hadn't kept her safe.

We walked in through the front door, one at a time, quietly as we returned to the parlor and I saw her. Bella face looked upset and confused, as her forehead was creased and she searched for the right words to say. "I'll go now. I never meant to upset any of you. Edward, I'm sorry if the conversation took a turn you weren't expecting. I'll just get my things and be on my way."

Ever blunt, Emmett stepped in front of her as he placed his giant hand on her shoulder, to prevent her from leaving. His thoughts pierced mine, _"I'll take care of this, Edward,"_ as he spoke directly to, for all intents and purposes, his youngest sister, "Bella, Edward's fine. He just had a tantrum, but he's back to normal now. Please don't go. We haven't seen you in years, and I, for one, would like to hear the rest of your story."

Bella looked at every one of us, one at a time, her face continuing to be a mix of apprehension and discomfort. She looked at me last, her eyes soft and wary. "Edward, are you alright? I can't stand to see you this upset. Not any of you. I warned you my story wasn't…pleasant. I thought for sure that you all realized by now….well, how this happened to me. I'll leave if you want me to. I won't force myself or my story on any of you."

My heart shattered at those words. Here she had lost everything – the very life I wanted for her, because I couldn't accomplish my goal in time. I had tried. I had stopped everything in my life to find Victoria and keep her from hurting my Bella and the guilt of failing her had to be written all over my face. I forced my eyes to meet hers. I wasn't prepared for her reaction.

Bella's beautiful features shrank back from me, her body recoiling from my closeness. My face must have been terrifying, and I immediately took steps to calm myself, while I anxiously hoped that I hadn't frightened her to the point of running. I would deserve no less. I turned from her, running my hands through my hair, while I took in several large breaths, willing the beast inside to quiet. I couldn't lose her now. I had to get control of myself.

When I felt more civilized, I turned to look at her. I took her slender shoulders in my hands, as I pulled her even close to me. I fought the desire to embrace her, whisper how sorry I was, throw myself at her feet and beg her forgiveness. I needed the time to explain what had happened, in private and this was not that time.

"I am _so_ sorry, Bella. This is completely my fault. I should have been there to protect you, to keep you safe from that _excuse of a creature...that bitch_. This is entirely my fault. You lost _everything_…because of me. I will never forgive myself for any of this. If I had only been stronger and done the right thing, but I thought I _was_ doing the right thing. This is not how this was supposed to happen…"

I stopped myself, before I released any more information. For her to know that I had lied to her wasn't something I could easily deal with right now. I had to find the right words to explain things and my mind was too much of a jumbled mess to form a coherent sentence.

Bella's eyes never left mine and I fought the desperate urge to kiss her. I needed that touch. I needed that intimacy that was now lost to me.

Her eyes were crinkled in confusion, as she spoke to me, "Edward, what are you talking about? None of this is your fault. It's just how things are…were for me. You couldn't have had any idea she was coming back. Why are you blaming yourself for this?"

Again, I knew I didn't deserve her. I had failed her in every way imaginable and she didn't blame me. How couldn't she? I had done this. I hadn't contained the problem. Her life, the way it was now, was a fault that I laid at my feet, willingly.

I felt as if my legs could no longer support me as she looked up at me with those now amber-colored eyes, a constant reminder of failure. I forced my eyes from her gaze and asked her to continue, as my father echoed my statement.

Bella wavered in her decision, unsure of how to continue. At this point, the idea of her leaving terrified me. I begged, "Please," which was all I could muster.

I was grateful for the chair that supported my weight, as I could no longer stand of my own volition. Bella's face took on a quality of both detachment and fear. It was mesmerizing, as her hands sat there, limply at her sides, while her face fought to stay calm.

She talked of how Victoria taunted her in her very own classroom. The fear she must have felt, thinking her life was about to end, as she struggled to remain calm. Victoria spoke of her need for revenge and it was something I could identify with. As soon as I had the opportunity, I would have my revenge.

"_Why kill me? I'm no longer with Edward. He left years ago. He never loved me; he didn't want me. He told me that…just before he left me."_

That statement effectively ended me and I took in a sharp breath before I could stop myself.

_I have NEVER stopped loving you._

I told her so that very day, only to help her end our relationship, so she could move forward. For her to still believe that lie was worse than any punishment that I could ever receive. I pinched the bridge of my nose, the frustration climbing inside my body, as I fought to maintain some semblance of control.

"…_Someone as plain as you could never hold someone like us…one of our kind." _

I could see the look on Bella's face that she truly believed that statement. Her natural beauty aside, she possessed a heart that rivaled even Esme's. She was the most exquisite creature I had ever come into contact with. Her unconditional love, stubbornness and acceptance made her unlike anyone I had ever known. For her to believe that she was anything less than that was painful.

Then I caught it…_change you._ Why on earth, after that many years, would Victoria change Bella? What possible reason could she have?

"…_but, I'll leave you a clue where to find your first meal." _

I was lost as to the reasoning of this. Why would she do this to Bella?

Bella explained that Victoria intended her to feed on her very own child, her Grace. My stomach twisted at these words. This was too horrific. This was worse than all of the lives I had taken during my rebellion. For a mother to satiate her blood thirst with her very own child defied reason and any way to aptly describe it.

My heart broke again as she described the one single bite that she placed on her neck. That one bite could have killed her. It was more than possible that not enough venom had been injected into her system, and instead of Bella becoming one of our kind, she could have very nearly died an excruciating death, though the process to become one of our kind was something that no one forgot, save Alice.

My family grew quiet, their thoughts the same. It was eerie, the silence, especially for me. I rarely enjoyed the quiet. Bella looked anxiously around the room, from one member of the family to the next, her eyes growing more frantic with each passing moment.

Alice's small voice broke the stillness as she apprehensively spoke. "She bit you and left, leaving you to suffer through it alone?"

Bella glanced at her, her face twisted with aggravation. She looked completely stunned that Alice had asked something so simple and something so completely stupid. Even Alice knew that, the minute the question left her mouth.

"Alice, what else did you expect? That she would stay and hold my hand?" Bella instantly closed her eyes, as she regretted being so sharp with her friend and apologized just as quickly.

Again, silence permeated the room. Bella tried again, "Will someone please say something?"

I could sit no longer. My legs ached to stand, to make a testament of what I was about to do. I sensed that my eyes had grown black and my face was again twisted with seemed to be an inordinate amount of rage. Fortunately, I was able to control my voice and I did so before I spoke. "Say something? How's this, Bella? I'm _leaving._"

Bella's face turned frantic, her eyes widening, while she stood, as if to stop me. "Leaving? Why?" she asked, her tone incredulous.

I fought the urge to smile, for my next statement would be so simple and easy for everyone to understand, "I'm going to find her and kill her. Who would care to join me?"

Every member of my family stood, their thoughts acquiescing to my request. We would leave immediately and wouldn't return until the deed was done. She wouldn't escape this time.

Bella took a step toward me, as her hands lifted in front of her, palms out, as if trying to diffuse the situation, before she spoke. "Edward, there's no need…"

_No need?_ You have got to be kidding me! As much as I loved her, I could listen to her excuses for keeping us safe no longer. Victoria was no match for seven experienced vampires. Killing her would be…almost _too _easy.

"Bella, there is every need. She ruined your life and I'm going to finish what I started. I thought that she was already dead, but I won't make the same mistake this time. I'll keep hunting her until I find her and…" I tried to explain before Bella, again, cut me off.

"Edward, I'm telling you there is _no_ need to go looking for Victoria…"

I was beginning to lose my patience, knowing that every moment we sat here, Victoria was tainting the air with her foulness. I would wait no longer. Taking a step toward her, trying to bridge the distance between us, I pointedly asked my love, "Bella, can you give me one good reason why _you_ feel there is no need?"

Her simple response stunned me, "Because Edward, I already killed her…"


	24. Chapter 23: Changed

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: I am replacing a chapter...silly me...I put in a chapter that was an earlier update and not the new and improved one...sorry about that! Subtle differences, but does answer a question or two!_

Chapter 23: Change

Every single member of the Cullen family turned to stare at me, mouths open, like they hadn't understood what I had just said. I waited, unwilling to break the uncomfortable silence that had enveloped the room.

His brow furrowed, Emmett asked, "What do you mean you killed her?" His normally booming voice was hushed, breaking the quiet of the Cullen's home.

"What do you think I mean? I tracked her. I found her. I killed her. It's as simple as that," I answered, not sure why he was so surprised by the turn of events in my story.

"Bella, you were a newborn vampire. Victoria wasn't some youngling or inexperienced creature. She's been around for years, with, what we believe, a gift for evading capture. We tracked her ourselves, and couldn't find her. Are you sure you killed her and not some other vampire? Do you even know how to properly kill and destroy one of our kind?" Jasper countered.

Edward hissed, "Jasper, don't interrupt," though his eyes looked panicked and angered, as he glanced in his brother's direction.

I could barely comprehend what they were saying as I thought to myself, w_hat do you mean "we tracked her"? _I pushed the thought aside and shook my head, taking in a deep breath before I responded, annoyance beginning to creep through in my voice. "Jasper, that first year, all of my time, after I left La Push and Forks, was spent looking for her. When I found her, I took care of the problem. There was absolutely no way that I would leave her alive, possibly to return and kill my child. And, for your information, Edward told me long ago how to kill a vampire. I'm quite certain I took care of the problem."

The silence in the room lasted only a moment. Emmett smiled wickedly at me, which, given the conversation, put me off a little. "Well, Bella, I'll be damned. For such a little thing, you sure do pack a wallop! How did you do it?" he finished, his tone light and his grin infectious.

I wasn't sure how to proceed. If I continued, I would have to go into topics I wasn't sure I wanted to address just yet. But how could I stop now?

"Emmett, I'll get to that. But there's still more of the story. Stuff that happened before I found and took care of Victoria; wouldn't you like to hear about that first?"

"Bella," Carlisle interjected, "proceed as you see fit. And remember what I told you earlier – you needn't feel pressured to share things that you are uncomfortable with," he finished, shooting a look at Emmett that effectively silenced him.

I looked to him, unsure of what to do. _Well, you've come this far. You might as well keep going._

"When the pain finally ended," I flinched, remembering the agony of those three torturous days, "I got up. My classroom was a mess, no doubt from my thrashing during the ordeal. I'd never felt anything like that before. But I felt stronger. Stronger than I had ever remembered. I started picking up chairs, before I realized that I cracked one. That startled me a bit. I hadn't truly realized what had happened at that point. I looked around and realized that it was just dusk. Why was I still here? I still hadn't regained complete use of my senses. I had no idea what had happened, but then it hit me. This overwhelming thirst.

A thirst like I hadn't had anything to drink in years. I tried water and spit it out – the taste was revolting. I was confused and had no clue what was going on and that's when I saw it. The picture of Grace on my desk, knocked over, the glass broken. It all came flooding back to me…" I trailed off.

I continued with my realization – how I had run to the staff restroom, seeing my bright red eyes for the first time. How I noticed that my already pale skin was almost white. How my senses were on fire, like I had just awaken from a long sleep, to find the world's colors and smells were so intense, so completely startling. I knew what I had become and that was all I knew. What could I do? The thirst was overwhelming and I knew that I couldn't hold out forever.

I left the building. No one was around. Instinctively, I headed to my truck, but it wasn't there. I started to run, but stopped when I realized how fast I was going. It was unnerving, the speed. I also expected to trip at any moment, and yet, it was like I almost wasn't making purchase with the ground. I stopped myself, when I realized where I was.

"Where were you? What did you do?" Alice questioned, her position crouched forward, holding onto every word that fell from my lips.

"I found myself at Charlie's old house. It was strange, like I had a connection to this place, but I couldn't quite remember it. I found myself looking into windows, seeing the family inside that had purchased the home. The house was decorated for Christmas – a large tree, a recently finished meal, Christmas songs playing on the stereo, and a large fire roaring in the fireplace.

Then, memories came flooding back to me. Charlie, Renee, my old life – I started remembering things, and it was overpowering, the barrage of emotions, the old life I'd lost. The sheer force of it knocked me to the ground and I was unable to do anything for a moment."

"I heard a door open and the man that bought the house from me came out, holding a tightly knotted bag of garbage; even still, I could smell it and it made my stomach turn. My sense of smell seemed to be particularly strong and I was having a hard time dealing with how pronounced this particular sense was. I hid in the shadows so he couldn't see me."

"_What's his name? Mike? John? Why can't I remember? So many smells…this is ridiculous. What is THAT smell?"_

"I knew what I should be doing…not a conscious thing, but I felt that I just needed to let go and things would fall into place. But, I couldn't. I just couldn't…I didn't know why. Something held me back – something in my subconscious mind. I continued to watch this man from a distance, until he went back inside. He kissed his wife on the cheek and she embraced him. Even though they were whispering to each other, I could hear every single word so clearly."

"_Merry Christmas, Kelly."_

"_Merry Christmas. I love you, John. Can you believe that we're here in our home, our first Christmas in our own place? It's just so perfect. I just put Mark to bed. He's so excited for tomorrow..."_

"It was then that I remembered that they had a son. I found myself running to the front of the house and climbing the tree in front of my old bedroom window. I watched the young boy as he slept - in my old room, as more memories started to come flooding back. I held to that tree for dear life, while the barrage hit me like a freight train. I found myself jumping to the window and letting myself in, just like all the times that Edward…" I didn't finish my thought.

I refused to look up at Edward while I rushed forward, hoping that no one would notice, or worse, interrupt and ask me to finish what I was now desperately trying to hide.

_Just keep going…just keep talking…_

"…I approached the boy, fast asleep in his bed, and it was then that my instincts took over full force. The thirst was too much…I just couldn't fight it any longer. He was asleep on his stomach, his head turned away from me, his neck in perfect view. Even with the lights off in his room, I could see every detail of his perfect little face. He couldn't have been much older than five, with short, dark hair. He was sound asleep and wouldn't even know what was happening until it was almost over…"

"Oh, Bella! You drank from him?" Alice exclaimed.

"No."

"You didn't? How did you restrain yourself? The pull must have been unbearable…the thirst…we've all been there," Esme questioned me, her gaze full of love and encouragement.

"I got closer to his tiny form and that's when I smelled him. I could smell his blood, but it was…terrible," I countered.

"What?" Rosalie exclaimed.

"Just what are you trying to say?" Jasper asked, looking incredulous.

"He smelled terrible, or rather, his blood did. And, when I realized what I was about to do, I was so…ashamed. I couldn't take the life of this little boy, no matter how bad the thirst had become. I took off, back through the window and ran away, as fast as my feet could carry me this time."

"Wait. Bella, I still don't understand what you mean by his blood smelled 'terrible'. I mean, every person has a different scent. Some are floral, some are more like spice– the possibilities are endless. But, I don't understand what you're trying to say," Edward interrupted me, sitting forward in his seat, obviously intrigued by this new bit of information.

"The only thing I can figure is that I carried a bit of my human self over to this new…life. Like with my clumsiness, I still trip from time to time; it was such a part of who I _was_. Don't you remember, Edward? I could smell blood – human blood when I was still 'Bella'. I think that ability strengthened when I was changed and now, the effect is so much stronger. I can't stand the smell of human blood. It makes my stomach turn and although I no longer faint, it's unbearable for me after awhile."

"I guess you could say it's similar to your struggle. You can't be around it and function normally – the pull is too strong and what you are instinctively begins to take over. For me, I can't focus, can't maintain any type of credibility. But understand, the pull is still so strong. The beast within me still wants the blood – the human blood; but this sensory issue keeps me from indulging. It's gotten easier with time, but it's still there," I finished.

Edward's eyes met mine. "Bella," he began, his eyes looking so soft and his face calm and warm, "if you can't tolerate the smell, how do you feed?" It was obvious that he was curious.

His beautiful topaz irises matched mine now. "Edward, I learned something from you all when you were still in Forks. I have no choice but to live off the animals in the area, although the facts are the same. The smell is beyond awful, but it's getting easier everyday. My eyes don't lie…do they?"

Edward's gaze never left mine and I had to wonder as I looked up at him…_do my eyes tell you how much I love you? How much it hurt to lose you?_

Every member of the Cullen family looked at me disbelievingly, before Carlisle spoke.

Well, this is certainly a first. I remember your strong aversion to the sight and smell of blood, Bella, but I never thought that a human trait like that would carry over into this life. I can see that your struggles are very different than the rest of us. But the plus side of never having to deal with the guilt of taking a human life is truly something."

"Carlisle, I appreciate your encouragement and kinds words, but let's not make me into a saint. I only said I can't tolerate the smell. The pull is still there. I guess I'm fortunate that the smell is so horrendous. That sensory part of me is ridiculously strong. It's how I found Victoria. I could smell her from hundreds of miles away. But I'm still getting ahead of myself…"

Alice interrupted, "When you left this little boy's room, where did you go?"

Taking an insanely deep breath, I continued. "Well, I couldn't trust myself to go home, to be that close to Grace and that many humans, so I went back to the only place that made sense at the time. I headed back to the high school. I went back to my classroom, which was still askew with fallen chairs, papers; nothing was where it should have been."

"What did you do then?" Esme questioned.

"I did the only thing I could, the only thing that made sense at the time. I picked up the phone and called Jacob."


	25. Chapter 24: Goodbye

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: If you got an email with a chapter update, my apologies...posted the wrong chapter! Here's the appropriate one...in the correct order. Also, if you're interested, please re-read the last chapter...in my haste to post, I uploaded an earlier version of the correct chapter and I've corrected my error...answers a question I've gotten about Bella's feeding preferences...if you've got the time! On with the story!_

Chapter 24: Goodbye

Time was running out on me. It was past four and I would need to leave soon. I needed to hunt and prepare for work with the coming day. But, there was still more of the story to tell. Pushing forward, I continued yet again, trying to organize my thoughts to make the story as succinct as possible, and still be as complete in the details as were necessary.

"I was unaware of the date, but I knew that it was Christmas time. I would find out later that it was Christmas Eve, but by then, it didn't matter anymore. I needed to talk to Jacob and try to figure out what I was going to do. I picked up the phone in my classroom and dialed the numbers, struggling to find the words to say to Jacob before he picked up the phone."

"_Hello."_

"_Jacob, I…"_

"_Bella? Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to pick up Grace this morning. Paul and the others have been looking everywhere for you…are you alright?"_

"_Jake, I…"_

"_Bella, you scared the hell out of us. I've been worried sick and Grace misses her mother. Where are you right now? Do you need me to come and get you? Are you hurt?"_

"_Jacob, please listen to me. I don't know where to start, but I need to see you. Just you. Can you do this for me?"_

"_Bells, what happened? Where are you? I'm coming to get you right now. I'll bring Grace, and you and I can talk."_

"_NO! Do not bring Grace with you. Please, Jake, listen to me. I need to just see you. I can't explain it over the phone. Leave Grace with Emily or even…Meghan. I need to talk to you alone first."_

"_Bella, you're not making any sense. Why can't I bring Grace with me? Are you in danger right now? __**We'll**__ come and get you. Nothing will hurt you – or us, for that matter."_

"_Jake, please. Just come to the high school. I'm in my classroom, but I'll meet you outside. Please. I'm fine...just come by yourself. I just need to talk to you alone. You need to trust me. Please?"_

"_Fine. I'll be there in about ten minutes. Meet you outside?"_

"_I'll be waiting."_

"I went outside to wait for Jacob. Ten minutes had never seemed so long or so very short before. I could smell him within minutes. He was in his wolf form, running toward me. The smell was…overbearing. Like a drowned dog. I knew it had to be him. What else would be in that area at that time of night?"

Every member of the family, with the exception of Carlisle and Esme, who looked disapprovingly at their children, snickered at my words. Once they saw the seriousness of my expression, they quickly regained a calm demeanor, which I took as a sign to go on.

"He phased back in the trees, before approaching me. The hair on the back of my neck stood up, and before I knew it, my newly improved sight could see his nose scrunching up from the smell. Jacob once told me how sweet you all smelled to him…too sweet. No doubt, he smelled me. My 'new' scent, but at the moment, he thought it was another…creature; someone close by, intent on hurting us. I saw him look around, trying to find them, while he closed the distance between us."

"As soon as he was close enough, I could see it in his eyes. He took in my appearance, starting with my red irises, my pale skin… for a moment, confusion took over his face, his muscles rippling, as he tried to comprehend what he was looking at – but then, the confusion cleared - he knew. He phased in front of me instantly. I dodged his claws just in time, as he came flying at me. He growled, his vicious howls filling the advancing night, as a light snow started to fall. But then…"

"Bella, what happened? Did he hurt you again?" Edward pleaded with me, a soft insistence in his voice.

I looked at him, taking in every beautiful angle of his face. I hoped that my face was smooth enough to not show what I was really feeling. For just a fleeting moment, I let myself believe that he still cared about me. That he still loved me, like I thought he had all those years ago. _Why couldn't he still love me? What had I done?_

The look on his face was so tender, so gentle. If I hadn't been so good at restraining my emotions, my actions for the past few years, I would have thrown myself into his arms and buried myself in his chest. I would have covered him with kisses, unable to stop myself, and finally cross those boundaries that he had set so many years ago for my protection. Protection that now, sadly, was no longer necessary. And, he no longer _wanted_ me…that was clear.

I dragged myself back from my flight of fancy to take stock of the room around me. I had the rapt attention of every Cullen, as they listened to my story unfold. I had gone into an almost perfunctory mode, telling the story as quickly as possible, desperately trying to not allow any emotion to take control tonight.

"No, Edward. I was able to duck just in time. He kept coming at me, until I finally called out his name," I answered him, unable to keep my gaze away from his face.

"_Jake! It's me. It's Bella. Please…"_

"That did it. He phased back, running into the trees that surrounded the school. But, by then, it was too late. The rest of the pack had heard him and was arriving. I could smell them, hear them. I'd never felt so afraid in my life," I paused, my voice catching. "My life, or whatever it was now, was about to end. All I could think about was how I had to protect Grace. Jake and the pack had failed me, but I couldn't. I wouldn't. She wouldn't be lost to this existence or worse. She would survive. She would grow up and have a wonderful life. I wasn't going down without a fight."

"The pack approached me, with Sam at the center point, their teeth snapping, their growls growing more and more fierce. Jacob came flying out of the trees, once again in his wolf form, and stood in front of me. I could tell they were communicating, but I had no idea what they were saying. Before I knew it, another wolf, a smaller one, had taken a flanking position at Jacob's side. At that moment, I knew it had to be Leah. I'd only seen them all in their wolf form once, except one other time with Jacob and Paul, when they saved me from Laurent. And even then, the pack wasn't complete. It wasn't safe for them to phase in front of us, but in times of extreme emergency, it was necessary."

"Laurent? When…" Emmett interrupted.

Edward hissed, glancing sideways at his brother. "Not _now_, Emmett."

Edward nodded toward me, encouraging me to go on, so I did.

"Before I knew what was happening, a large wolf, one that I knew was Jake's pack brother Paul leapt into the air and aimed right for me. Jake jumped in the way, knocking him over and they fought on the ground, snapping and snarling at each other. Leah never stepped away from me, her growls becoming more ferocious by the minute."

"Suddenly, everyone stopped. Every pair of eyes unexpectedly turned to Paul and two of the wolves that I knew were Quil and Embry, took off after him. They chased him in to the woods, the howls growing louder and more menacing, until the sound of them started to fade. Sam ran back to the forest, where he phased back. The rest of the pack stayed in their wolf forms, including Jacob and Leah, who still stood in front of me, as if to protect me from the rest of them."

"Sam came forward, flanked by his brothers, before he spoke to me," as I remembered every word that he uttered. The look on his face was, for once, not smooth, but instead was frustrated, mingled with resignation, as he assumed his customary pose of standing with his arms resting, crossing his broad chest.

"_Bella… I'm not sure what to say. Paul was supposed to be protecting you, looking out for you. I am sorry this has happened. Jake is certain that you are not a danger to any of us, and I believe that Leah shares his opinion. However, as pack leader, I can't share that belief. We can no longer allow you to stay in this area. You have only one option. You must leave tonight and never return. If you come to the reservation or insist on staying in the area, we will destroy you. And as difficult as this may be for you, you may not feed in this area on any human. You must restrain yourself. Otherwise, you will leave us no choice. Do understand that we are being generous in this? Please leave tonight. Jake will explain everything else after we leave, but we won't be far. It's our job as protectors and we won't hesitate to do just that if you force our hand."_

"The pack returned to the surrounding forest. I could smell them, could hear them, but before I had time to react, Jacob was coming out of the trees, back in his human form. His face full of sadness, tears in his eyes, while his shoulders lay limp. He approached me, carefully, with his hands up in front of him, to signal that he wasn't a threat to me."

"_Bella, how did this happen? Who? When? Where were you? Paul was supposed to be protecting you, but… How could this happen? I promised to protect you; keep you safe. Was it her, that vile leech we've been tracking for years?"_

"It was then that things started falling into place. He had never told me that it had been Victoria who had started the war those few years back, that she had continually come after me. He had kept all this from me, in order to protect me and help me feel safe."

"_Jake, Victoria did this. I couldn't stop her. She came to my classroom and threatened Grace. She thought that I would kill her, and then you and the pack would take care of me afterwards. She's gone, and I don't know where she is. She can't hurt our baby, Jake. She can't hurt my Grace. You've got to protect her. Promise me! Promise that what happened to me won't happen to my baby. Or worse…"_ I couldn't finish, as the final words caught in my throat.

"_Bella, I promise I'll protect her. I won't ever let anything happen to her. I won't fail this time. I promise. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I trusted the wrong person. Paul was supposed to…but he was upset. This is all my fault. I failed you again."_

I continued my story, filling in the details that I had missed. Jacob told me everything. When Paul's mother had been killed years earlier, he had blamed me. She had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and Victoria or one of her followers had killed her to start the war. The war that had kept us all in lockdown and in a terrified state had been because of me; Victoria had recruited others to try to get through the wolves, and then get to me. She had never given up.

Paul's mind had been twisted by the death of his mother and he blamed me for everything. He hated me and felt that it was my fault that the vampires kept coming to La Push, even the ones that weren't part of Victoria's coven. And then, when Jacob imprinted, he was even angrier. In Paul's mind, if Jake had only waited, Victoria could have killed me sooner. If Jake had met Meghan earlier and not been so insistent on being with me, I wouldn't have been on the reservation and everyone would have been better off.

None of it made sense, except to Paul. He had purposely left me unattended that night, especially after he picked up Victoria's scent. He knew it was only a matter of time for him to wait before she caught up with me, killing me and ending all this nonsense. He knew I was at the high school and told everyone that I wasn't there when I went missing, so they wouldn't search for me at work. Then, if she didn't kill me, he could and no one would be angry with him. He would just be doing his job at that point – a job, I'm sure he would have enjoyed, tearing me apart, piece by piece, then burning me in some symbolic way of cleansing the earth of my very existence.

The only reason I was never harmed by him in the first place was that he had been ordered by both Sam and Jake to keep his hands off me, early on, when he had made his feelings about me known to anyone who would listen.

He was able to keep his thoughts about me at bay when he was in his wolf form. He had become rather adept at hiding certain thoughts from the pack, including his loathing of me. But, that night, he spilled everything after he phased, thus the reason for Quil and Embry taking off after him. They had always been my friends, even after my split with Jacob. They had always been there for me.

I was almost out of time. I needed to leave very soon. I wouldn't get to everything tonight, and the rest would have to wait. I was starting to feel a bit exhausted, if that made any sense. I had been through so much in one day. Morning _and_ evening classes. Running into the Cullens, and then sharing my story, which was so emotional and twisted it'd left me completely drained. I fleetingly remembered how tired I used to get when I was still human.

Not to mention seeing Edward again. Someone I had thought was lost to me so long ago, someone that I never dared hope to see again. Someone I was still completely in love with. Now he was sitting directly across from me, listening to my sad, pathetic story.

I could smell him – so much so that it was almost as if I could have tasted his scent in the air. His beautiful eyes were fixed on me, but so what? My story would do nothing to change his feelings for me_. If only… _

I was so lost in my thoughts, it was some time before I heard Alice calling to me, "Bella, what happened next? Bella? Bella, can you hear me?" she questioned, before grabbing my pant leg and insistently started to pull on it, like a five-year-old trying desperately to gain their mother's attention.

"Oh…I'm sorry. I just got lost there for a moment." I shook off my thoughts and attempted to smile. "Well, Jake told me everything. He kept apologizing. He was so upset, but still on his guard, like he couldn't trust me, which to be honest, he couldn't entirely. My thirst was intolerable by that point and I knew I had to leave. Jake and I were natural enemies now, and I was absolutely unwilling to put my baby's life at risk. I couldn't trust myself around her. I turned to leave, making him promise one more time that he would take care of Grace, protect her with his very life if it came to that, when he started toward me."

"His hands were extended, as if to hug me goodbye, when my instincts kicked in. He wouldn't touch me…it's as if my mind took over, telling me he would try to kill me if he got that close. The fear started elevating, but then my anger kicked in. I was angry at him. I blamed him for everything, even though this tiny little voice in the back of my head kept telling me that this was just how things were meant to be for me, and that _none_ of this was his fault. I had always had a knack for attracting anything unusual, anything dangerous."

But, in those few moments, I realized that I had lost it all. My life was over. And, the worst part of it was I lost Grace. I had no choice but to say goodbye. I couldn't even see her one last time." My voice cracked and I felt my eyes begin to glisten. Taking a deep breath, I steadied myself before I continued, "My anger turned to rage and when he took another step toward me, it happened."

"What happened?" Alice whispered.

"He took another step toward me, and I blocked him, sending him flying through the air, right across the parking lot."


	26. Chapter 25: Run

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: I need to give praise and credit where it's due...my fabulous beta, hearbroken1, did wonders with this chapter...she took a chapter I loved and made it into a chapter I adore! Thank you!_

Chapter 22: Run

"Huh?" Emmett asked, his head cocked to the side, like he was trying to see me more clearly.

"Blocked?" Carlisle questioned. His face was just as confused, as his usually smooth forehead was wrinkled with concentration.

Looking utterly confused, Alice asked, "Across the parking lot?"

"_What_ are you talking about?" Rosalie quipped with impatience, as she leaned forward, away from Emmett's massive embrace.

"How hard did you strike him?" Jasper inquired, looking incredulous, still sitting as still as always.

Esme let out an exasperated sigh. "Will you all stop and let Bella answer?" She glared at the members of her family. "You'd think that none of you had any manners, except for Edward," she looked in his direction, before continuing, "and I think the only reason he's quiet is due to his little outbursts from earlier in the evening and knowing what my reaction would be."

I looked around the room nervously before I answered. "Well, I blocked him," I continued.

Edward leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as his hands motioned toward me. "We get that you 'blocked' him, Bella. We just don't understand exactly what that means," Edward answered me quietly. I'm sure he heard his family's thoughts in regards to what I'd just said.

I glanced at my watch and realized that I was out of time. "I'm sorry to stop at this point, but I have to go. I have things to do before work in the morning and I still have to drive back. I'll need someone to give me directions to the highway, and then I can find my way from there."

Rolling his eyes, Emmett exclaimed, "Oh, come on, Bella!" his eyes now twinkling with curiosity. "You can't say something like that and then leave us hanging. What do you mean by '_blocked'_?"

Alice started bouncing up and down in Jasper's lap. "Bella, I saw your schedule of classes. I know that you don't have anything tomorrow until that meeting in the afternoon. Please stay and finish," she begged in a tone that would make a child proud.

"Alice, I don't have anything to do at the university until tomorrow afternoon, but I _do_ have to work in the morning. The university position isn't my only job. I teach elementary school during the day. I've got students and staff expecting me in just a couple of hours and I still need to hunt before I get ready to start my day…" I explained.

I was snapped to attention by the matriarch of the family. "Bella, you could go hunting with any of us. We would be happy to extend that invitation to you," Esme countered.

_Damn. I didn't want to bridge that topic of conversation._

"No thank you, Esme. I prefer to hunt alone. It's something that I've been doing on my own since…well since I was changed. But, thank you for the offer," I responded, my mouth drawn in a tight line, which I hoped wouldn't be misinterpreted. I wasn't comfortable with _anyone_ seeing that side of me, much less any member of the Cullens. I would take care of my needs on my own and that was that.

"Bella, can't you please just quickly explain what you meant by 'blocked'?" Emmett pleaded.

I noticed that every pair of eyes was looking at me anxiously, hoping for a response. _Just give them what they want and then you can go home._

"Well, what I mean is…it's so difficult to explain, Emmett. I'm still not sure how it works, but when Jacob got close, too close, it was like a physical thing. I couldn't see anything material, but in essence, he came toward me and whatever this blocking thing is…he hit a wall. A wall that neither of us could see. When he hit it, he flew. Just flew, as if I'd hit him hard and he went flying. He was just as shocked as I was," I finished, unwilling to look anywhere but in Emmett's direction.

"Then, you didn't..." Edward stopped, before he whispered it, "_kill _him?"

I turned to lok at his captivating face one more, before I answered. "No. I'm quite certain he was still alive when I left. But I'm not sure if he was hurt by the..._exchange_.He called after me as I left, and I ran faster, to avoid another incident, not sure if either of us could have kept things civil."

"So, is this a 'gift'?" Carlisle interjected, his tone both light and intrigued. "Have you done this since that night?"

"I haven't needed to, except when I took care of Victoria," I looked up to him, "but, yes, I guess you would say that it's a talent, so to speak."

Her face had an awed look to it, as if she had just seen snow fall in the desert. "Wow!" Alice spoke.

"Impressive," Rosalie added, her arms crossed, looking at me appraisingly.

"What else can you do?" Emmett asked me.

"I'm not sure. It's so difficult to explain how it works, or if what I even call it is even appropriate, but the skill is there when I need it. The only thing I can think of is how Edward couldn't hear my thoughts when I was still human, that my mind was blocked from him. With my _changes_, I think that the skill has expanded to include physical attributes as well. Fortunately, I haven't had to use the physical aspect of my gift very often, nor the mental part. Not too many mind readers where I happen to hang out," I commented, trying to sound light.

"Edward, are Bella's thoughts still closed to you?" Carlisle asked, looking in the direction of his oldest son. The man I still loved more than anything in this world – _except_ for my Grace.

I turned to look to his beautiful face once more, getting to my feet. He, too, rose, his gaze fixed on me, his exquisite eyes blazing. _Do you love me, Edward? _I thought, hoping -- praying -- he might actually hear my thoughts and answer the question that had plagued my mind since the day he left all those years ago.

"No, Carlisle. She's still closed to me," he answered his father, while never once looking at him, his intense topaz eyes smoldering while they focused only on mine.

Feeling slightly deflated at Edward's revelation, I got back to my departure. "Well, as I said, I have to go. Could someone please write down directions, so…" I was interrupted by Jasper handing me a neatly folded piece of paper, which included not only a very well-drawn map, but also phone numbers for both the house and cell numbers for every member of the family.

I hadn't even noticed that he had left Alice's side to write this out for me, but I was grateful. I needed to go. I was beyond out of time. I was almost relieved that I was leaving, but dreaded the thought of how I would react to all of this later, when I was alone again. I was used to being alone. It was the only constant in my life now. _Would it continue to be that way? Would I really have some break to the loneliness now that the Cullens were back in my life? Were they in my life?_ I pushed those thoughts aside and concentrated on getting back to my house, knowing that I had a schedule to keep.

Esme stepped toward me, once again embracing me, this time tightly. She then stepped back, while still holding me by both shoulders. "When can we see you again?" she asked, her smile intense and hopeful. Her eyes shone with a brightness that was endearing.

"Well, I'm not sure. It's the beginning of the school year, so the weekdays and most of the nights are busy for me. At least for now, Friday nights and weekends are all I have available," I answered her, hoping my smile was bright.

As much as I wanted to spend some time with them, I was unwilling to come here out of pity -- theirs or mine -- not after all this time. Plus, I still hadn't finished the entire story. _Damn! _I didn't want to think about that part of my life anymore.

"Bella, can you come over this Friday night? Or maybe Thursday, after your evening classes are done for the week?" Alice asked me, her eyes pleading, while her lip slightly protruded, giving her the look of a pouting infant.

I giggled, remembering just how persuasive Alice could be. _How could I say no to such a face? _"Well, I still have to work on Friday and I have a staff meeting early that day, so what about Friday evening? Will that be alright for you, Alice? Can you wait until then?" I teased her, my smile spreading.

She pounced then, grabbing me in a hug that knocked the wind out of me. I chuckled as I tried to wiggle out of her death-like grip. Everyone was laughing and I easily fell in with the rest of them. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed laughing, and how incredibly lonely I had been.

Sure, I had spent time with lots of people. But those people knew me as Elizabeth Marsten. I had to keep my distance, stick to my cover story. I couldn't raise any suspicion. That would never do.

When I got my new "identity", I had been warned to not cause too much trouble, to stay under the radar. I'd been acting for so long, I'd forgotten what it was like to just be myself, not that I _really_ existed any longer.

"So, Friday night? We'll see you again come Friday night?" Rosalie came forward, awkwardly embracing me.

I returned her hug, careful to not be too eager. "Well, if you really want me to come back," I paused, giving Edward an out. His eyes dropped to the floor. So I agreed, "…then sure. I'll be here. What time?"

"We will _always_ want you with us, Bella. I thought I made that clear earlier in the evening," Esme answered me, this time with a bit of motherly severity in her tone, while a bright smile still shone on her lips.

"Alright. Friday night – I can come over in the evening, say seven?" I responded, a bit quieter, given Esme's gentle reproach.

"Seven?" Alice sounded annoyed. "What time do you send the kids home? Can't you come over right after?" Alice begged, while she continued to bounce back and forth with anticipation.

"Alice, I normally have phone calls to return and paperwork to do, as well as grade class work. If I want to do anything fun, I have to get my other work out of the way first." _Not that I do anything fun…but you don't need to know that._

"Well, we've kept Bella long enough. It's been an interesting evening, hasn't it?" He stopped and looked me straight in the eye, "I hope that it wasn't too much for you, dear," Carlisle continued, "but it's so wonderful to have you back with us. We'll look forward to seeing you Friday. If you need anything at all, you mustn't hesitate to let us know. I know that Jasper provided you with our phone numbers. Don't hesitate; I mean it. We're all here for you, and we'll eagerly look forward to seeing you Friday evening." He embraced me tightly before he let me go. His face looked so loving.

I let out a breath that I hadn't even known I was holding. With that, I headed toward the door, before Alice grabbed my arm, stopping me in my tracks. "Bella, were you serious about what you said this evening?"

"Alice, I've said lots of things this evening. Just which 'something' are you referring to?" I was nervous, wondering what she was thinking.

"You told Jasper and me that if we wanted to join your class, you might have space for us. Do you?" she looked at me, a wicked glint in her eyes.

"Alice, you can't be serious! Why would you want to be registered in my class?" I responded, appalled that she was suggesting such a thing.

"Well, we are officially 'freshmen' at the university. And you should know as well as we do that your class is a core requirement," Edward answered, as he leaned against the doorframe to the parlor, arms crossed against his chest, looking at me with a smile across his face.

_Damn it, he's still so handsome!_ I ripped my eyes off of him and glared at Alice. "Alice, you can take this same class from so many other instructors. Don't you think that would be a better alternative?" I was now pleading.

"You're the one that made the offer, Bella," she reminded me, "and I can't think of any other way I'd like to spend my Monday and Wednesday evenings!"

My forehead creased with confusion. "Monday and Wednesday evenings? Alice, my English 101 class is only on Monday nights," I started.

"Ah, but your creative writing course is on Wednesdays…and we already registered for that one!" she squeaked.

_Oh…dear…Lord…you have got to be kidding me! "_WE?" I countered, clenching my teeth and feeling the muscles tighten in my jaw.

"All of us…well, Jasper, me and of course, Edward. We got the last three spots," she finished, looking triumphant, if not a bit smug.

"No...absolutely not...out of the question..." my tone emphatic. "You may not take my class -- not any of them. That would be…awkward; surely you have to understand that," I finished, the last of my words rushing out like a whisper.

Jasper tried to muffle the rare smile that threatened to expose him for the trickster he was, "Bella, you did offer."

"I did not."

Alice took a step closer to me, "YES, you did, to both Jasper and I in your classroom earlier. Are you questioning my memory?" By now, she had one eyebrow cocked, daring me to disagree with her.

Suppressing a sigh, I, too, took a step toward my tiny friend. "Alice, is there anyway that I can talk you out of this? I mean, it's not that I don't think you'll do well in my class, considering that you've _been_ to college before, but don't you think it would be more…appropriate for you to fulfill this requirement another way?" I even considered dropping to my knees as I continued to beg. This was getting to be too impossible for words.

Alice straightened her posture, squaring her shoulders, rolling forward onto the balls of her feet, trying to appear taller and unwilling to budge. "Well, if you'll only let me see you on weekends, I'm going to have to find other ways to spend time with you. I told you…this isn't a one time thing and I'm not letting go of you -- not this time," she quipped, but I could hear a bit of tenseness in her voice.

"Fine. I won't argue with your decision, but please, you have to be appropriate when we're together on campus. We'll have to go over some ground rules. Ok?" I knew she had me beat. But, I wasn't about to disappoint her. If I knew anything about the Cullens it was that they were good at keeping secrets, and they'd given me no reason to believe that this would be any different.

"Of course. I'll be on my best behavior. We _all_ will," she promised, her gaze narrowing as she first looked at Jasper, and then settling on Edward.

I started saying goodbye to each Cullen and was starting toward the front door to leave, when Edward approached me quietly. "May I escort you to your car?" he asked, his voice gentle.

"There's no need," I tried to giggle, to make the mood light," unless you think the short walk from the porch will cause me to get into some type of trouble."

"Well, we are talking about you, Bella. You do have that uncanny knack of attracting trouble," he chuckled, before continuing, "I would just like a moment of your time, before you head off," he answered, his gaze settling on my face.

"Well, I'm in a bit of a hurry," I breathed, avoiding his eyes, "but if you can say what you need to by the time we reach my car that should be fine."

With that, he opened the massive paneled front door for me, waiting for me to step out onto the porch first. I don't remember a time where I had ever been so nervous. _What am I thinking? I can't handle this alone. Why can't you just think ahead on these things? Why must you insist on making even more stupid decisions? Being left alone with Edward Cullen would take the last of your reserves. Stupid, stupid, stupid…_

I walked out to the porch and was heading toward the stairs, when he gently stopped me by placing his hand on my forearm. Without even thinking, I made the colossal mistake of looking up at him, his gaze catching mine. He smiled, that beautiful, breathtaking crooked grin of his.

Just like all those times, all those years ago, I was completely dazzled. My heart verified what my mind had been refusing to accept -- I still loved him..._desperately._

There was a light breeze blowing, which helped me regain my focus. It blew a stray lock of my hair right across my forehead, which he reached out to catch. For once, I beat him to it and tucked it behind my ear. With great effort, I tore my eyes away from those beautiful topaz ones I'd missed so desperately, and shifted my gaze to the floorboards that made up the front porch of his family home. I started to count them, desperate to shift my focus from how close he was standing to me.

"Bella, I just need to talk to you about a few things," he started.

Being alone with him was proving even harder than I'd thought. My stomach was in knots, threatening to make me sick. "Edward, I really need to get going." _Boy, do I need to get out of here. _"I'm not even sure how far I am from my own house and I've got lots to do before I head into work this morning," I told him, still looking anywhere but into his eyes.

"I just need to explain about that night, at Charlie's house," he began, though I could begin to hear the insistence in his voice.

"Edward, we already talked about that. It's in the past. Forgiven. _Over_." It felt like my dead heart ripped in two as I said the word. _Over. Painfully over. _Careful to still avoid his eyes, I tried to sound annoyed when I said, "Can't we just leave it there?"

I quickly skipped down the stairs, leaving the porch. We started walking to the car, with me in the lead, before he quickly caught up. If I could just get to the car, I could get out of here and fall apart. I was close to doing that now, but I wouldn't do it in front of him. I wouldn't -- couldn't -- let him see my feelings for him.

Dawn was quickly approaching, and with it, my panic level was starting to rise. I had work in just a couple of hours and there was still so much to do, not to mention adding calming down to the now expanding list. The day coming would be muggy, hot, but overcast. At least I wouldn't have to worry about that.

We reached my car, and I fumbled in my purse, looking for my keys, which proved to be elusive.

"Damn it. Where are my keys? I had them earlier and they're not here now. Where did they go?" I muttered to myself, trying to maintain enough focus to get my keys and get the hell out of here, before I did something really stupid. _Don't look up, Bella. Those eyes, his face…_

I heard the front door of the house open, and then close a moment later. I looked up to see Jasper came bounding toward both of us, as a result of hearing my predicament, with the set of keys I had handed him earlier in the evening. He extended his left hand to me, and I reached out and grabbed them, much like a dying man would grab a lifeline as he was about to drown in the ocean.

"Bella, I forgot to give you your keys back. My apologies. As you were," he addressed Edward and I quickly, before he began to head back inside, clearly trying to avoid breaking up the party between us.

_Not so fast, Jasper. _"Thank you. And, Jasper," I addressed him, causing him to stop and pivot to face me, "tell Alice that I'll see _all_ of you on Wednesday afternoon. If you could come to my office by say, 4:30, we can go over those 'ground rules'. Does that sound alright to you?" I finished, trying to smile.

"That will be fine, Professor Marsten," he said with a smile, his head giving a slight bow. "I'll let Alice know," he called over his shoulder as he rushed back into the house.

"Well, I guess I'll see you on Wednesday…that is if you still want to enroll in my classes," I quickly opened the car to hasten my escape.

His face was determined, while his eyes looked sober, almost panicked. "Bella, I really need to explain things," he prompted, before I interrupted him with a wave of my hand.

"I _have_ to go. Can we save this conversation for another time, when my schedule isn't quite so tight?" _And my soul can handle it?_

"Well, do you think you could attempt to find some time for me, with your days being _so_ full?" he smiled, trying to keep the mood light, though his solemn eyes gave him away. Was he…embarrassed? Uncomfortable? _Just get out of here – you can figure it out later…_

"I'll see what I can do. See you Wednesday?" I sunk down into my sanctuary and started the engine. "Goodbye, Edward," I said, closing the door.

He knocked on the window, motioning for me to roll down the glass, even though that was completely unnecessary for us to communicate.

Deliberately, I pushed the automatic button to roll down my window, only to be hit with his scent, full-force, once more.

He crouched lower, his hands on his knees so that he was eye level with me. He smiled at me before he had the last word. "I'll be holding you to that," his velvety voice teased.


	27. Chapter 26: Cullen Conversation

Chapter 26: Cullen Conversation

_Author's Note: I am sorry it took me so long to update. My dear beta and friend, hearbroken1, has been under the weather - feel better, dear! To help me with this chapter, I enlisted the help of two very talented friends and fellow authors, grumpy grizzly and Mandi1 - thank you ladies! If you're looking for wonderful stories, look up any of these three talented females - you won't be disappointed!_

Edward's POV

I made my way back to the front door, my chest already starting to throb due to her departure. I hesitated at the top step. She was gone, but I took some comfort that come Wednesday afternoon, I would see her again. She ran from me when I tried to explain what I was really trying to do on that appalling afternoon in Forks that was burned permanently into my memory, but I wasn't about to give up.

I knew my family was waiting just beyond the door with questions and concerns, but I couldn't get past my thoughts much less the door. I would be patient, as patient as I could afford to be and take her up on her half-hearted promise to give me the opportunity to talk to her, alone. She would be mine again, if she would have me. I loved her and was desperate to tell her that. _Desperate was a good word; but what if she said "no"? What if her human love for me had died and nothing remained? _I wouldn't allow my thoughts to drift into that unknown territory, though my heart thought it already knew the answer.

I just couldn't face my family yet. I knew it was an inevitable conversation, but for now I just wanted to bask in the moment. She had been here. She hadn't run from me, at least not until the very end. While I no longer had the lust for her blood, I still was inexplicably drawn to her. I hadn't built that up in my imagination after all and it was sweeter than I had allowed myself to remember.

The pain had been gone as I gazed at her eyes. In my mind I could still hear her heart beating, slightly accelerating when I would smile at her and she accused me of dazzling her. I just wanted to sit in the chair she had been in and let myself remember and possibly hope as I let myself get lost in her scent. Her scent was the very essence of Bella. The change had not diminished that, and though it had been ten years, it seemed as if hardly ten minutes had passed as I finally allowed the happy memories to come flooding back in. I realized that the never-ending pain that had been with me while we had been separated, due to my lone decision, had vanished when she was present. Relief at this revelation told me what I needed to do—to be with her as much as possible would be my new mission.

The voices of my family had come into sharper focus in my mind as my attention returned to the present and their thoughts were mulling the events of an evening that shocked each of us. Everyone was outwardly quiet yet their thoughts were frenzied and rapid, no doubt waiting for me to enter the house.

Every family member lingered, waiting for me in the vestibule. I would not enter to start a conversation until I was sure she had completely left the drive and I let my head gently turn in the direction of where she had just been, with a finger lifted to lips, silently willing my family to understand that she had not reached the end of the property yet. I had no idea how well Bella could hear and I wasn't about to risk her hearing us converse about her, though I was quite sure that she knew she would be the only topic of conversation once she left. Instead, every individual thought flew at me, and the inundation of questions, information, and statements made my head literally start to ache.

I could take it no longer. I entered the house and I lifted both my hands, palms out, toward my family, to attempt to make them understand. "Please. This is too much, all at once. Let's try to forget for just a minute that I can hear your thoughts and have a normal conversation, with _one_ person speaking at a time," I nearly shouted, my anxiety level demonstrating itself as anger. I took a deep breath before I continued, this time careful to be quieter. "Please, I know we need to talk about all this, but I need a few minutes to…."

"It's alright Edward, we will give you 30 minutes to collect yourself and then we can all get back together to discuss all this. It's been a long night for more than just Bella." Carlisle interceded on my behalf. "Where would you like to be? The rest of us will follow your lead."

Carlisle had always been innately sensitive to my needs. Truly my father. I knew where I wanted to be. "I would like to just think in the living room please." I softly responded feeling six pairs of eyes staring at me with concern but understanding. My family slowly left me to my thoughts as they dispersed throughout the house.

I walked toward the living room as the sun was breaking and streaming in the windows. It felt like a rebirth of sorts. A new day. A new chance. For the first time in ten years I felt the stirrings of hope. I chose Bella's seat, allowing myself to sink deeply into the cushions as I breathed in her scent. I rubbed my hands over the armrests, knowing that she had touched them just a few minutes earlier. I basked in the chair, imagining her as she sat here, remembering every beautiful line of her face, wishing she was still with us…with me. Her scent and those thoughts soothed me as the ache in my chest began to slow. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to pretend that she was still here, smiling at me, allowing me to be close to her.

As I sat there, listening to every member of my family volley back and forth, their thoughts echoing their expressions and exchanges. I allowed myself to go back to happier times as I thought of Bella as she should have always been – happy and laughing. How she and I would sit and listen to music or watch some silly modern movie, but I rarely watched the film. I could pay attention and know what was happening on the screen, but what I was more interested in was watching Bella. Although I couldn't read her mind, I could see every emotion flicker across her lovely face. Her smile entranced me, her beautiful lips curving back to transform her features into something that reminded me of a Botticelli painting, as her sweet, heart-shaped face and delicate features made my heart sometimes break by just looking at her.

I especially loved it when she would allow me take her to the theater in Port Angeles. Despite the darkness, my keen eyesight could take in every feature of her beautiful face, while I would hold her hand, the other she used to eat popcorn while she would giggle. Once in a while, she would catch me staring and her lovely cheeks would blush, as her embarrassment took over. She would bite her full bottom lip and look back at me, and I could see her eyes willing me to kiss her, which I did as often as I could trust myself. I fed so regularly in those days, trying to keep her safe, and yet, I still didn't always trust that I had restrained the monster inside of me enough to be that close to her.

To be with her was intoxicating. Her scent, which had called out to me like no other was an oxymoron – calling me to kill her while it compelled me to protect her with everything that I had. I continued to deeply inhale her scent from the room, filling my lungs, while doing my best to ignore the taint of her vampire mix. I wasn't ready to deal with that part of Bella yet. I had to let myself remember and reconnect with the idea of Bella first. The human Bella. The only woman I had ever fallen in love with. The only woman I would ever love. I could deal with what had happened to her later. I had closed myself off much more than I realized. As I sat in the living room, I could hear the quiet conversation of each couple throughout the house. I closed my eyes again as I opened my mind to their thoughts and hushed voices.

As always, Alice seemed to speak to me despite her other conversation. I allowed a small smile as I realized how much Alice loved Bella. She thought, "Can you believe it? She's back! I _never_ thought we'd see her again. Oh Edward, this is like a prayer answered…for both of us. I have my friend back and you…" she was too overcome with emotion to finish.

I focused in on Carlisle and Esme's conversation next. I could tell that Esme wanted to rush to my side and place her slim arms around my shoulders because as my mother she naturally would desire to reach out to comfort me. "Carlisle," she breathed, her voice calm, yet intense, "this _will_ work out. I can feel it. It's fate. _No_. It's stronger than that. It's _destiny_. They can finally be together again and all of our children will be home, under one roof." I could see her face through Carlisle's eyes. Her eyes were full of concern and love for me and I nodded at her even though she couldn't see me acknowledge her hope, grateful for her comfort. _If only I could truly believe that…I needed to believe that…_

"But until Bella feels more comfortable with us, we mustn't push the matter. For both Bella's and Edward's sake…she must feel comfortable here if we want her to begin to truly trust all of us again. Edward isn't the only one that left; we _all_ left her behind," he finished, his tone one of resignation, and I could see his shoulders sag, this time through Esme's eyes. "I know that many of the things she said upset him terribly—well all of us really-- last night, but Edward _has_ to control himself. I could see on more than one occasion how frightened she was of him. If he can't control his temper, he may never regain her trust."

I missed Esme's response as those words hit me hard. My head dropped with shame as my mind flashed back to those moments. My breaking the window had been the low point. I knew from my family's thoughts that they believed I was running away again, as I had in the past. Sometimes the pain of seeing so many couples in one home became unbearable, knowing that I would be alone for the rest of Bella's human life, but I had promised Esme I would stay, no matter what. Last night's escapade was far beyond regrettable as I could see the terror in Bella's eyes when we returned. _I can't believe I frightened her…what was I thinking? _Terrifying the woman I loved wouldn't help me in my quest to be with her again. I had lost my temper so many times in this existence. My volatile and short fuse was famous in my family, but the fact that I had allowed myself to lose control so many times during the evening was inexcusable. Tempered with the fact that Bella may have believed those outbursts were directed at her were beyond regrettable. _I'm such an idiot…_

Carlisle was right. I would have to maintain a calm demeanor and allow time to do its magic. Someone once said that time heals all wounds –I hoped that it would do the same thing for Bella and me. But, I also had to come to terms with the fact that she was still in love with Jacob Black and as much as I detested that beast, I couldn't – no, wouldn't -- push myself on her until she was over him. I would need to find a way to help her come to accept that he must have moved on and no longer loved her and show her that I was waiting, ready to be that perfect mate that would never hurt her; that with a second chance I would _never_ lie to her again. But how? Where could I start?

I was pulled out of my own contemplation by the soft noise of my family returning to the living room. They had come to reconvene as the morning sun continued to rise behind the perpetual cloud cover of the sky. Everyone took their spots as they had last night, except for me. I was already in Bella's seat and I couldn't bear to leave the comfort it brought to my mind. It made me feel close to her and until I saw her at the university, I didn't realize how much I still needed that. I could lie to myself all I wanted, but it didn't change the fact that deep down I knew that I needed her.

My mother broke the silence of the room, voicing the thoughts that we had all pondered on the night before.

"She's been through so much. It broke my heart to sit there through the night and have her pour out every painful thing that happened to her as I watched. Her face…those expressions…she looked _shattered_," Esme recounted.

"Knowing that she never had a chance to say goodbye to that little girl is heartbreaking. How could that _mongrel_ be so cruel as to not permit her the chance to just hug her baby, just see her one last time? He should be destroyed, just like a dog being put out of it's misery at the end of it's life…and I'm just the person to do it," Rosalie hissed, her eyes dark and narrowed.

Every family member nodded their head in agreement, as we went over the events of the previous evening. It was difficult to come to terms with the amount of pain Bella had endured.

"The fact that she's still standing is testament to how strong she is. But for her to have to leave her child behind is beyond tragic. That poor little girl will never know how remarkable her mother is," Carlisle chimed in. His thoughts were racing through every painful part of the story that Bella had told us only hours before, while he commiserated with the tangible pain that we had all felt from her.

"This is my fault. If I had only found Victoria in time, she would still have her child, at the very least. But for that _mutt_ to cheat on her, to leave her! How could he do that? I would never hurt her like that," I finished, the volume of my voice rising higher, as anger muddled with a host of other emotions, heightening my anxiety. _But I knew I had hurt her in so many other ways. _Her reaction to me last night reinforced that thought.

"Do you really think he was unfaithful to her, Edward? I mean, this whole imprint thing is something we know nothing about. We are aware of very little of the Quileute wolves past the treaty and it's possible that what she was saying was true. It's just horrible that she found happiness with him, only to lose him. I don't know what I'd do if something like that happened to me," Esme answered, as my father took her into his embrace.

"I'm not sure what to believe. Bella is so trusting and for her heart to be broken like that is inexcusable. It's like she can't ever have a break, losing Charlie and then Grace," Alice added, her voice breaking as she mentioned Bella's father and child.

Leaning back against the sofa, still sunk deep in the rug on the floor, Jasper spoke. "I'll tell you one thing. I'm positively shocked that she took care of Victoria. That _thing_ was impossible to locate and her ability to evade us was superior. When exactly did you explain to Bella how to destroy one of our kind?" he finished, Alice still secure in his embrace.

"I told her, on the way to the house, after the game in the clearing. Just before James…" I winced, as I remembered Bella, so broken in that hospital bed, all those years ago. I forced myself back to the present, trying to drive those images of my Bella out of my mind. "I can't believe it either. She was so young to this life and even though her strength would have been immense compared to…" my lips pulled back over my teeth as I spat out her name, as liquid black rage filled my person as I thought of that creature, "_Victoria_, I wonder how she accomplished it. But it was obvious from the look on her face that she did it. She looked almost smug, vicious even, which in truth surprised me. But the things that a mother will do for her child," I finished, looking in Esme's direction.

My mother took her cue. "I would _destroy_ anyone that hurt or…if anyone dared touch any of my children or my husband, they wouldn't live long to regret it." Her usually gentle face looked vicious, as her eyes narrowed and her lips tightened into a snarl as she spoke.

With his hands rubbing together, Emmett made an observation. "Well, she sure surprised the hell out of me. To think that our little, clumsy Bella took care of her, _by herself no less_…I can't wait to hear that part of the story," he grinned, his eyes twinkling.

"Emmett, we _won't_ push her for more details," Carlisle looked in Emmett's direction and then focused his unusually intense gaze at each of us, in turn. "She's been through enough for one night and she'll share that story if and when she's ready. Do I make myself clear? She was under a great amount of duress all night and we're not about to add to that. _No one_ will press that matter with her. I mean it."

Once again my mind drifted as I tried to picture Bella taking down Victoria. How could it be possible? How could she have even found her? 'Well, this is Bella we are talking about.' I chuckled to myself. 'Danger Magnet Extraordinaire.'

I realized that my entire family had stopped talking. I opened my eyes, to see six faces, faces that I loved and that loved me, looking at me, their grins telling the story.

Gracefully crossing her arms across her middle, my mother addressed me. "Well, welcome back. I'm glad that we're interesting enough to hold your attention. Where did you go off to just now?" Esme asked, her smile smug yet loving.

"I…was just thinking about Bella. About other things…" I couldn't finish. Again, her face flashed in my mind. She was just as beautiful as she had always been and her now amber-colored eyes mesmerized me, as I had sat across from her the entire evening, not being able to tear my gaze from her. Those eyes meant that what I had never wanted for her had happened, but it also opened the door to an entirely different life for the both of us, if we could find a way toward it _together_.

"You know, Edward, that's the first time in ten years that you thought about her with a smile on your face. So, I'm going to pose the question to you one more time, right here in front of your family. _What are you going to do?_" Emmett asked, his eyebrows cocked, while his smile was wide, waiting for my response.

I sat there for a minute, pondering my choices and knowing that I only had _one._

I stood, stretching my legs. "I…I'm going to fight for her. I'm going to get her back," I replied, my tone, which started hesitantly, finished, determined and strong.

Emmett patted me on the back, his cheerful tone echoing the expression on his face, "Good to have you back with us, Brother. We've missed you for far too long."

Alice rushed at me, before she lunged at me, landing with her arms fiercely wrapped around my neck. I returned her embrace, unable to suppress my chuckle from her display. Helping her back to the floor, I smiled at her and mussed her hair, her enthusiasm difficult to dismiss. _But how could she be so sure that things would work out?_

I was about to ask her that very thing, when Carlisle interceded.

Placing a gentle hand on my shoulder, my father addressed me. "Edward, were you able to explain things to her?" The look on his face was so earnest and I hated the only response that I had to give him.

I ran my fingers through my hair, both trying to contain myself and wanting to pull a handful out by the root. "No…not enough time, damn it. And she wouldn't commit to a conversation…not yet, anyway. It was obvious that she needed to leave and being alone with me was the last thing she wanted," I finished, again conscious of the pain in my chest, as I placed my fist over my useless heart. I could feel my anger level starting to rise, as panic decided to join the overcrowded party of my emotional turmoil.

"Edward, I'm sorry I interrupted your conversation with Bella. I heard her outside while she was looking for her keys and realized that I still had them. I tried to leave as quickly as possible to allow you both some time to talk," Jasper hurriedly explained.

I waved a hand at him, shaking my head, as I responded. "No harm done. Like I said, her only intention was getting out of here. I don't think I've ever seen her so uncomfortable with me than she was just a minute ago. From her responses and obvious distress, the last thing that she wants is to be alone with me, not that I blame her, after what I've done," I finished, my voice flat.

The tiny glimmers of hope I had let in were starting to fade and the pain of her absence was slowing creeping back into my chest. My family obviously noticed as Alice shifted closer to me, her tiny hand coming up and finding its place on my forearm. "Edward, you mustn't think that way. She's back and after you've had a chance to explain everything, she'll understand. I know she will. Just be patient. You'll get your chance," Alice encouraged me, her face tilting up toward mine. "She's already forgiven me and the rest of us; there's no reason that she won't forgive you as well. She said as much last night," she finished, her smile wide.

"She also said that we were…" it hurt to even say the words, "_never meant to be_. What am I supposed to do with that?" I countered, my words clipped with tension.

"Oh Edward," Rosalie sighed, obviously impatient, "if Bella and I can start a relationship, given how _I_ treated her in the past, there is no reason that you can't try again with her, so stop being so dramatic," she added, her tone edgy. "But you better tread slowly. Given what I know now, you leaving her was probably the most ridiculous thing you've ever done, and you've done some stupid things in your life."

"Rose, give him a break." Rosalie glared at her husband, while he reached out for her, pulling her to him and kissing her firmly on the cheek. "We've talked about this a million times and rubbing it in isn't going to help anyone right now, least of all Edward." He turned his gaze to me. "But Ed, what are you gonna do?" Emmett questioned, serious now.

I could have slid to the floor, as the weight of my person started to test my resources, my muscles weighing heavily against my steel-like bones, which felt weak, almost flimsy. My breathing was becoming difficult, much like I imagine an asthma attack to feel like. My strength waned again, and I sat back in Bella's seat, looking for relief. "Like I said last night, I have no idea. But I can't just sit here and do nothing. She's back and I'm so happy to see her…I _have_ to do _something_. I never even dreamed that I would have a chance like this, and I can't bear to lose her now, not after seeing her again. I just have no idea of how to start," I replied as a feeling of hopelessness set in. I wanted nothing more than to jump in my car and find her, confess everything and beg her to forgive me.

"We'll help you. We'll figure out a way to make this work. With time, you'll _both_ get your chance again," Alice sounded, smiling bright, her enthusiasm difficult to resist. If she was right, I could find happiness again with the only person I truly wanted. Bella would be mine and I would never let her go this time. It was almost too much to hope for.

I looked down into her golden eyes, her pixie face staring back at me. "Alice, can you _see_ anything? Can you see what's coming?" I pleaded with her, almost begging. If she could see something, even with the possibility of it changing, it would give me the hope to face the next two days alone until I saw her again.

Alice closed her eyes. She stood there for what seemed like an eternity. Her face twisted and the look of concentration clouding her features was endearing. After a few minutes, she sighed as she opened her eyes and looked at me, while her frustrated expression of creases across her forehead told me everything I needed to know. "I can't see _anything_, Edward. It makes absolutely no sense. Maybe she hasn't made a decision yet. Maybe she's confused. Maybe because we've been apart for so long and I'm no longer attuned to her? Maybe because she's changed?" Her panicked tone caused her words to rush out faster and faster, until her hands dropped to her side, her face sad and resigned.

I pondered on this for a moment before Jasper broke in. I turned to see the look on his face and it held apprehension. I asked anyway. "Jasper, what she was feeling? What could sense from her? I was so wrapped up in her last night that I barely caught anyone's thoughts, especially yours. How does she _feel_ about…me?"

Jasper's gaze tightened, as he started to look first at Alice and then back to me. "Edward, I don't think it's unusual that Alice can't see her future. I couldn't sense her emotions. _Not a single one._ If she hadn't been sitting in front of me the entire evening, I wouldn't have known she was even there. I can feel nothing from her, so she must be blocking me somehow."

"I've run into very few of our kind that have the ability to do that, and usually I could sense something, even if it was remote. And those vampires were much older…had much more time to develop their abilities. From her, there's only a void. I can however, from the expressions on her face, see when she is suffering or happy. She never did have a poker face, your Bella. When I would send out any type of calm or joy or anything, her face told me that she felt it. I don't know what to make of this. But if this is a power, a gift…it's an exceptionally strong one, one she may not even be aware of having…" he trailed off, not sure how to continue, his face not offering me any hope.

I sighed, the sound cutting off as the air in my lungs caught. _Well that's helpful…I can't even rely on the help of Alice and Jasper's "gifts". I would be solo on this one,_ I thought to myself.

"I have a feeling that Bella hasn't fully come to terms with the strength of her powers. She said herself that she doesn't use them very much. It's possible that she isn't aware of what she can even do, much less how to control them," Carlisle offered.

Alice began rubbing her own arms, as if to warm herself, as her eyes widened in fear. Jasper stepped in to rub her shoulder, trying to offer her some comfort. "So, you think that's why I can't see her? You think she may be blocking me as well?" she added, as panic crept into her voice. Alice wasn't used to being blind and the fact that she couldn't _see_ her friend left her in a frenzied state. Jasper continued to sooth her, before Carlisle responded.

"I can't say for sure, Alice. But until Bella feels more comfortable with us, we mustn't push the matter."

I could sit no longer. My mind was racing with ideas on how to reassure Bella of my love for her. I knew that only time could help prove to her that I would never leave again, but I still could prove my love to her. I also needed time to assess her feelings for me, hoping like hell that they were different than what I had picked up on this evening. _But where to begin…?_

As a plan started to form in my head, I turned to my favorite sister and her spouse. "Alice, do you have any plans for today? There's something I would like you to help me with, just as soon as they open. And, Jasper," I looked up at him, as he placed his arm securely around her shoulders, "I'll need your sharp internet skills. Are you both up for a challenge?"

Both of my siblings looked at each other, before turning back to me, their faces sharing a look of anticipation mingled with confusion. They nodded in unison.

"Hey, wait a minute. What about us?" Rosalie quipped, while Emmett nodded.

"Don't worry, I'll find something for the both of you eventually," I countered, grinning like an idiot at them, while hope and anticipation filled my form for the first time in what seemed liked forever.

I'd gotten my second chance with the only woman I would ever love and I fully intended to make it count, no matter what I had to do.


	28. Chapter 27: Back to Reality

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Chapter 27: Back to Reality

_From the last chapter in Bella's POV:_

"_Well, do you think you could attempt to find some time for me, with your days being so full?" he smiled, trying to keep the mood light, though his solemn eyes gave him away. Was he…embarrassed? Uncomfortable? Just get out of here – you can figure it out later…_

"_I'll see what I can do. See you Wednesday?" I sunk down into my sanctuary and started the engine. "Goodbye, Edward," I said, closing the door._

_He knocked on the window, motioning for me to roll down the glass, even though that was completely unnecessary for us to communicate._

_Deliberately, I pushed the automatic button to roll down my window, only to be hit with his scent, full-force, once more._

_He crouched lower, his hands on his knees so that he was eye level with me. He smiled at me before he had the last word. "I'll be holding you to that," his velvety voice teased._

I smiled back at him stiffly, feigning politeness, before rolling the window back up and carefully setting my car into reverse, preparing to leave the Cullen's property. I didn't dare allow my gaze to focus anywhere for too long except directly in front of me. But I still couldn't resist the urge for a quick look back as I drove off. I took a fleeting glance in my rearview mirror, relieved to see that Edward had already started back toward his family's home and was not staring at my retreat with those eyes. At least I think I was relieved. I quickly glanced at Jasper's map, to ensure that I knew where I would be going and sped up slightly noticing the clock on the dash.

I took a deep cleansing breath. Even though I didn't need it physically, I really needed it emotionally. I felt free now. Well, not free, but finally alone and free of the Herculean effort it had taken to stay calm. I was not free from the desperation that had begun to set in once more. _How_ could this have happened? It's like fate was determined to laugh at me again and again. Sure, it was wonderful to see the Cullens and to reconnect not only with this family that had been so important to me for such a small yet significant time, but the genuine relief it afforded me to be allowed to be mostly myself for an evening. I had attempted to be guarded with my emotions. It wasn't lost on me how utterly exhausting it had been to go over my sad, pathetic story, but I was, for once, however temporarily, able to put away the façade that I had been hiding behind for three long years. That had to be worth something.

I continued to drive until I finally found the freeway. It was then, safely away from their sensitive hearing that I started to give in to all the emotions I had been holding in most of the night. My shoulders began to shake, as quiet, tearless sobs took my form hostage. Going over the most painful details of my life had taken its toll, but I was much more upset over seeing Edward again, to hear him play, to smell him, to know he was intently watching me…_that was agony._

When he left me ten years ago, there were times that I felt I would never fully recover, and in some ways, I never did. He had been my life, my reason for existence at that point. Granted, I loved my parents, but my life had been pretty empty up to that moment and Edward…well, in some ways, he felt like my reward for some grand gesture that I didn't remember performing. He had been so wonderful, so loving and gentle, so protective.

And in an instant everything changed. After one horrible night, he was gone. Physically, he was there for a few more days, but emotionally, he was gone the night of my eighteenth birthday. He didn't love me anymore, and that fact, coupled with the idea that I was still in love with him, and, in fact, had _never_ stopped loving him, made this whole situation begin to tear at that hole in my chest again.

Out of habit, one of my arms came up and hugged my chest. It was beyond painful. How could his feelings have changed so quickly? What was it about that incident that changed everything for him? I didn't understand then, and despite a decade of wondering, I still had yet to understand. I realized with all certainty that nothing made sense when it came to Edward. He was my enigma…the puzzle I would never solve. And now, with him here and knowing that I would have to face him every week for who knows how long, that hole begin to hurt even more.

I never knew life could be this cruel.

I pondered on these thoughts until I reached the exit that led to my own house. I quickly merged off the highway, taking the familiar streets to the residence that I had purchased to exist in the human world and support my elaborate cover story. When I had searched for a house, I had several things in mind. Something inexpensive, maybe a distressed property that I could fix up and improve with time. Something with reasonable hunting opportunities nearby. Something that wasn't entirely too close to humans, so that I could somewhat be myself behind the closed door and drawn blinds.

Imagine my surprise when I found just that. The realtor I hired suggested a lovely little cottage that had been in terrible disrepair and was looking for a quick sale. I toured the place and I didn't see the crumbling plaster walls, broken windows or the huge holes in the roof; I saw a sanctuary. An escape. A place to go and hide when I needed it. Just about everything needed to be repaired or replaced, but the price was beyond right and it was smack dab in the middle of several acres of property which opened up to government protected land. I could hunt when necessary and still have the quiet that I would need to stay hidden.

When I made an offer that day, my realtor Hannah, thought I was completely insane. When we went to the closing on the house a few weeks later, she confessed that she had taken me there as a joke, before she would lead me to more appropriate properties. I had worked tirelessly on that house all summer, and throughout the fall, proud of myself that the only projects I had to farm out were the plumbing and electrical. After reading a few books and willing myself to remember all the projects I had helped with on the reservation, my house was complete.

It had a bit of a storybook look to it, one and half stories, with a stone and stucco front and a rather severe pitched roof, with plenty of dormers and small, unexpected spaces. Three bedrooms with two and a half baths. Built in the early part of the twentieth century, it suited my needs perfectly. I was fortunate that it had an original stone fireplace, which I used year round, instead of just during the winter. The warmth of the fire helped me feel somewhat human again.

It wasn't large by any stretch of the imagination, but it was mine and it offered meager comfort when this hellish existence would occasionally get the best of me; when the long, lonely nights worked overtime on my psyche. Being alone all the time was excruciating. Loneliness had to be one of the most brutal forms of torture life had to offer. It gave me new appreciation for Charlie and his solitary life. At least he had had a couple of close friends to break up the monotony. _To be so lucky…_

I pulled up to the garage, which wasn't attached to the house, and turned off the engine to my car. I allowed myself another deep breath and leaned my head on the steering wheel. _No, you have things to do. You can collapse later. Get going!_ I lifted my head and saw the time screaming at me from the dashboard. I only had ninety minutes before I needed to leave for work, barely enough time to accomplish what needed to be done. I would have to cut some corners this morning. I hated that. When my routine was upset, it made my days more difficult, but nothing could be done about that at this point. Time to think this over would have to come later.

I pushed those anxiety-filled thoughts from my mind as I got out of the car, put my keys in my pocket and ran for the woods. I would need to find some nourishment and find it fast. The smells of the forest began to take over and I found it necessary to block some of it. Of all things to carry over from my human life, I, Bella Swan, had to carry over my extreme clumsiness and my overwhelming sense of smell. _Why?_ Sure, my clumsiness wasn't so bad. It only popped up once in a great while and when it happened at school, the kids took great delight in it. Making my students laugh was well worth the embarrassment, but did that have to happen last night? Of all the times…

I refocused again, running deeper into the forest. The season was turning to late summer and wildlife was out and about, just ready for the taking. I still hated this part of my existence the most. Well, not _the_ most. The worst part was losing Grace, but this came in a close second. I had tried to completely abstain in the beginning, but my strength greatly waned and I knew to function properly, I would have to get over my resistance to it and feed regularly. It was getting easier now, but at times, it was still so difficult.

I stopped for a moment and heard a small herd of deer and shot off noiselessly in that direction. The smell of deer was easier, much less potent than really large game. I only hunted big game when nothing else was available or I knew that I would need a larger reserve of nourishment than normal. The more blood, the more smell. It was as simple as that. The odd part was, when I did feed and the blood was entering my throat, the quench it gave my thirst was undeniable. I still didn't love it, but I couldn't deny the fact that it was necessary and did the trick.

I easily located the herd and pounced on the first of two small bucks, my razor-sharp teeth sinking deep into the poor beast's neck. As the blood entered my mouth and slid easily down my throat, I could feel my strength return. I repeated the process with a second male and left the carcasses, knowing that larger animals would finish them off. Still, the thought of what I had to do to survive sickened me. But, it was a necessary evil.

For some reason, I had always been averse to draining the female population of the forest. What if they had small offspring nearby and I had taken their mother away? It reminded me a bit too much of my own situation and I was unwilling to go into that already chartered territory.

I finished my "breakfast" and ran as fast as I could back toward the house. I had run several miles into the surrounding park, and was enormously relieved when I saw my house in the distance. I entered quickly, rushing up the stairs to my bathroom. I turned on the shower, shoving the handle as far left as possible so the water would be hot…too hot for a human. I shed my clothes, running to the closet to look for fresh ones. I found something presentable, threw them on the unused bed and headed for the warm comfort of the shower. I instantly felt the heat start to work on the tension that had bonded with my person since yesterday afternoon. I let myself linger only for a moment before I quickly washed my hair and jumped out.

I wrapped a robe around myself, rushed to the bedroom and started the hairdryer. Most mornings, I had ample time to ready myself for the oncoming day, but today, time was not a luxury. I dried my hair in record time, twisting it up onto the back of my head in a simple coil and fastened it into place with a large clip. I quickly applied my makeup and dressed, then ran down the stairs to grab my bag and head out to start the day.

I jumped back into the car, steadying myself, before backing out of my drive and taking the familiar route to the elementary school where I had taught for the past two years. I pushed my car to go a bit faster and made it to the parking lot with just a few minutes to spare. I'm sure that my assistant would be wondering why I was running late this morning and I flipped through my mind, looking for a reasonable excuse.

_Well, I had to hunt down two deer this morning, so I could resist the lure of your human blood. But don't worry – most of you smell awful to me, so you should be safe for at least another day!_

Yeah, sure, like that reason would work. I concentrated briefly, trying to clear my thoughts and steady my heart; to find something that would suffice better than the actual truth. I walked through the front door and headed to the left, hurrying for my classroom. My teaching assistant, Mandy, was already there, pulling chairs down from the tables and preparing the classroom for our soon to be arriving students.

"Good morning, Mandy," I addressed her, trying to sound bright and cheerful.

"Hey, Elizabeth! I was starting to worry about you…thought you might actually take a personal or sick day for once," she teased, as her light Southern accent, soft with enthusiasm, called to me as she smiled in my direction. After last night, her voice reminded me of Jasper's gentle cadence.

Mandy and I got along great. She was probably the closest thing I had to a friend in this part of my world. At first, she had been a bit put off by my presence. She always seemed nervous when she was around me, which made sense, considering what I was now. But, given time, she had warmed up to me. I had been so patient, hoping that she would accept me and not try to transfer to another room. Plus, she loved our students and worked so diligently. She was an absolute godsend.

I knew that other members of the staff vilified her for accepting me. They either thought I was completely bizarre or a workaholic. Things had been hard here at first. Humans instinctively shy away from beings like me, but, in time, everyone had to accept that I was good at my job. I used my "gift" regularly to block the intoxicating smell that I naturally gave off, as well as going out of my way to be normal and friendly. No one could argue that I wasn't easy to get along with. I didn't have the luxury of trying to make friends. If I had to play the nice girl, I figured it would help me fit in a little better at work.

"Elizabeth, are you ok? You seem a bit preoccupied today," she asked with concern lacing her words as she flipped her blonde hair casually over her shoulder. She approached my desk trying to assess my mood.

"Oh, I'm fine. Just a little scattered. The first day of university classes was yesterday and I've got so much to do. But, believe me, I'm ok," I answered her hoping that she would believe the lie and let it go._ I hate lying to you._

"Alright. But, you know, if you didn't work so much, you could make some time for a little fun," she teased, her smile bright. Mandy had the biggest heart and it was obvious that her first priority was encouragement – both to me and the students.

_Fun_. I hadn't had any of that in a long time. I certainly wouldn't characterize last night's events as fun, but it had definitely eased the loneliness that I dealt with everyday. As much as I adored Mandy, I tried to keep our relationship a work thing only. I didn't want to involve her in my life anymore than I had to. I had learned the hard way with Edward and his family that our two worlds didn't mix. I had paid for that knowledge and paid dearly. Not that I necessarily regret what I once had with Edward. Even now, knowing how much I still cared for him, loved him, I don't think I would have changed that for anything. I just didn't want to drag anyone else into the mess that was my life.

The kids arrived and the day progressed. I did love my job, even though it was sometimes difficult working with children. I had to be so gentle and careful around them. And despite their disabilities, sometimes a student would remind me so much of Grace. Maybe it was their smile or the way they laughed. That reminder would make some days unbearable, but I kept going. I had also learned from my experiences with Edward, or after Edward, that ceasing to function didn't help anything. What choice did I have? I had to keep going.

By mid-morning, I was paged over the public address system.

"_Elizabeth Marsten, you have a delivery at the front desk."_

Delivery? I hadn't ordered anything. What the heck could that be? I called down to the school office.

"Good morning, Tania, this is Elizabeth. I didn't order anything. Are you sure this delivery is for me?" I asked, wanting to ensure that whatever was there did, in fact, belong to me and I didn't waste a trip down to the office and leave my students for too long.

"Elizabeth, this delivery is _definitely_ for you. I think you should leave the students with Mandy and come and get it yourself. Trust me on this one," she responded with a definite lift in her voice that I found unsettling.

"I'll be down in just a few minutes, Tania. Thanks," I said, before I hung up. Tania didn't exactly like me. I could tell from her actions and demeanor around me that I wasn't a favorite. She liked having something to gossip about and I was _never_ one for offering up information, so Tania usually didn't try to mask her feelings for me. The fact that she was being overly friendly was unnerving.

"Mandy, the front office wants me to come down and pick up some delivery. Tania's being very secretive about it…Do you know what this is about? Should I be worried?" I asked, with more than a bit of hesitancy in my voice. I _never_ got deliveries at work that I wasn't already aware of ordering.

"No idea, girlie, but you won't know until you actually go look. Well, just don't stand there. Go find out what's waiting for you. I'll stay with the kids…now shoo!" she teased, practically shoving me out of the room.

I left the safety of my classroom and headed toward the office. It was nothing. Probably some supplies I had ordered and completely forgotten about. But since my change, I didn't forget things. I might get frazzled from time to time, but I never forgot. Even when I didn't want them, images were permanently etched on my mind. Therefore, I was extremely apprehensive about this delivery. _Stop worrying; how bad can it be?_

I almost ran into the boy, as he left the front office. "Thanks for the Band-Aid, Mrs. Guyer," he spoke over his shoulder, as he left the office. I smiled at him and he returned my grin with one of his own, before he retreated and sprinted back toward his classroom.

I had barely entered the office when I saw it. I was _so_ hoping that it wasn't for me, but after quickly scanning the rest of the space, I realized that what was directly in front of me was the only delivery in the office. On the receptionist's desk was the most enormous and beautiful floral arrangement that I had ever seen. It contained roses, lilies, freesias, and hydrangeas as well as other flowers and greens that I couldn't identify, mostly in shades of pale blues, pinks and whites, all artfully arranged in a very expensive looking cut crystal vase. Who would have sent me this? I reached for the card, which clearly had the name _Ms. Elizabeth Marsten_ written in beautiful, masculine handwriting that was oh so familiar. It was written in Edward's elegant script. I wasn't exactly shocked by the contents, though it did make my hands shake a little…

_**B-**_

_**Thank you so much for sharing your evening with us. We all look forward to seeing you again this Friday evening, if not before. Remember, if you need anything at all, do not hesitate to let us know.**_

_**The Cullens**_

I read and re-read the note, marveling that something as simple as Edward's writing could still evoke such emotion within me. How on earth did they even know where I worked? I know that I hadn't mentioned the specifics of that information last night. I must have looked dazed and a bit foggy, when an irritating voice snapped me out of my reverie.

"Hey, Beth, those flowers are really…_nice._ Who are they from?" my administrator and boss, Gerry Goodwin asked me with a hint of derision, his gaze more uncomfortably inquisitive than I liked.

"Oh," I responded with little emotion sliding the card back in the envelope without looking up toward him, "just some old family friends."

"Family friends? Interesting." he continued in his irritatingly possessive manner, obviously nosing into my personal business, once again. "Must be _VERY good_ _friends_, if you ask me. Should I be jealous?" he questioned with an almost threatening timbre to his voice. His tone didn't contain an ounce of teasing. _He was serious._

I wearily smiled faintly, not willing to directly answer his question, though what he really wanted to know was barely hidden beneath the surface. Gerry drove me nuts, but he was a necessary evil. It was obvious that he wanted to_ get to know me_ as more than a professional colleague, but I had been able to keep him at bay. However, that didn't mean he wasn't extraordinarily persistent. _That_ was annoying.

"Thanks, Tania. I'll take these to my room and get back to the kids," I started, as Gerry suddenly stepped in front of me. _So I can get the hell away from you, boss man!_

"Here Beth, I'll carry them for you." He insisted with a slightly leering glance, lifting the vase with a bit of a groan. For a normal human that massive display of flowers must have been really heavy. I smothered a grin by lifting my hand to cover my mouth, knowing that I would have been able to lift them with ease.

"Thank you, Gerry," I answered him with my most polite smile but hoping that he wouldn't misinterpret my words or actions, while knowing that it had not ever stopped him in the past.

Gerry had tried everything he could to get me to date him since I started here. I realized when I interviewed that he would most likely be trouble. His cheesy grins, taking any opportunity to touch my hand or arm - he made no effort in concealing that he was attracted to me. He had tried, most times unsuccessfully, to arrange for us to be alone or plan impromptu breakfast and dinner dates. He even came out to my house on occasion on "official business" for the school, usually late at night. If I was still human, I might be afraid of what his stalker obsession might develop into, but I could take care of myself. He wasn't any threat to me whatsoever. Annoying? _Yes_. A threat? _Never_.

We arrived back at my room, where he hoisted the vase onto my desk, spilling a bit of the water on some papers I had been grading.

"Sorry, Beth." he started without any real sincerity, "those flowers weigh a ton."

"No problem. Thanks for helping me out and carrying them back to my room," I acknowledged half-heartedly.

By then, Mandy spied the arrangement and came rushing over, her beautiful blue eyes full of excitement.

"Elizabeth, those are beautiful! _That_ explains why you were running later than normal this morning," she gushed, a knowing grin spreading across her charming features.

Oh great…_that_ got Gerry's unwanted attention. He turned to me, a look of disappointment and anger crossing his face, as his eyes narrowed. I needed to do some damage control in an effort to keep him at bay. I truly didn't care what he thought, but I needed my job and he could make my life here at the school beyond difficult.

"Mandy, these are from some old family friends. I ran into them last night on the university campus and they were just sending me a little gift to say 'hello'," I answered her quickly, trying desperately to refocus the true intention of the flowers and the meaning they relayed.

"_Little_ gift? I don't think so, but I'll take your word for it. I don't think I've ever seen anything that big and beautiful before. _They_ must be _really_ good friends," she continued, the words laced with a meaning I didn't want misinterpreted by Gerry, or anyone else for that matter.

For once, luck turned in my favor, as two of my students started struggling over the same pencil box. I took the opportunity to rush over and referee the fight, which gave me the perfect escape from Gerry and Mandy. While I tried to gently pry the box from both sets of tiny hands, both students started crying, as I feebly smiled in Gerry's and Mandy's direction and thanked Gerry again for his help giving him a not so subtle hint that I needed to get back to the work at hand.

Gerry grudgingly left the room with a last lingering suspicious look as Mandy made her way back to me. She soothed one student while I comforted the other. Before we knew it, lunch was upon us and then naptime had us settling the kids down for a quick respite from the day's activities. Mandy seized the opportunity, still believing that there was much more to my little delivery than I was willing to own up to.

"Elizabeth, I _know_ you're holding out on me. Who are those flowers really from? _They_," the implication thick in her voice, "must really like you. Come on! Who sent them?"

"Mandy," I looked at her, a small tolerant smile on my lips, "I already told you. The flowers are from one whole _family_, not from one particular individual. I promise you, there is nothing going on."

To prove my point, I handed her the card and invited her to read it. She read it and a small look of disappointment flooded her enchanting features as her lips turned down into a small frown.

"Well, a girl can dream, can't she?" she said, as she handed the card back to me.

"Yes. A girl can definitely dream," I quietly responded, my thoughts going back to happier times with Edward a bit wistfully. _Why couldn't they be from him?_ But that life was lost to me, and I again forced my thoughts back to reality and the present.

Before I knew it, the day had ended and I was faced with mounds of paperwork and emails requiring my attention.

"Mandy, thanks for everything today. As always, you're truly a life saver," I told her before she started to leave the room.

She stopped and turned to look back at me, her smile encouraging. "You know, Elizabeth, everyone deserves a little happiness," she began, her eyes telling me that she wasn't sure how to proceed, "even you. Try to remember that from time to time."

"Thanks for the tip, Mandy. I'll keep that in mind," I looked up at her sweetly while I tried to hide the tension that was creeping through. The more practical part of my mind readied to look ahead to the work that I still had laid out in front of me. Happiness had been part of my life before, but had been intangible to me for some time and I didn't foresee that changing anytime soon.


	29. Chapter 28: Thank You

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Chapter 28: Thank You

After Mandy left, I faced my usual afternoon routine of phone calls, grading papers, mounds of school paperwork, and email. It's a wonder that I got any real teaching done with all the other red tape that I was constantly trying to cut through.

I started to reach for the phone to check the voicemails that had been left during the afternoon, while we had been outside for a little well-deserved recess, when my overeager sense of smell caught the scent of the beautiful flowers the Cullens had sent me.

I stopped my mundane activities for a moment and took the opportunity to really look at the beautiful bouquet. They were striking and must have been rather costly. The smell was wonderful, but not overpowering.

Before I really thought about what I was doing, I was digging through my purse and retrieving the map with the Cullen's phone numbers that Jasper had given me the night before. Without allowing myself to think this through, I picked up my phone and dialed the main number to the house. Only as the line was ringing did the thought force itself into my brain. _What am I doing?_ I had no time to answer myself before I heard a voice that pierced through to my very soul.

"Hello. Cullen residence," a beautiful, velvet voice resonated in my ear, making me swoon and lose my concentration for just a moment. I was momentarily rendered speechless. I definitely assumed that Esme or even Alice would answer the main number…I certainly wasn't expecting _him._

"Ah…hi, Edward. How are you?" I stammered nervously, realizing that I must have sounded like a complete idiot.

"Bella," he answered, his voice never wavering, "I'm doing well. And you?"

"Fine. Fine. Um…I just wanted to call and thank you for the _beautiful_ flowers. That was so sweet of your family to send me something so _beautiful_. They're really very _beautiful_. Thank you." _Just how many times could I say beautiful in a fifteen second timeframe? This is ridiculous! I should be committed._

"So you got them. I'm pleased. You like them?" he inquired, a hint of amusement in his tone.

Great. I have to answer again. What do I say? My mind raced to find the words that wouldn't betray how excited I was to be talking with him. "Yes, they are really," _don't you dare say beautiful again, "_lovely, but completely unnecessary. They do, however, brighten my classroom quite a bit," I responded, becoming more in control of my thoughts, emotions and traitorous voice.

"I'm delighted that you like them. Alice and I went this morning and picked them out. When did they arrive?" he questioned, sounding like he was trying to make polite conversation.

"Um…mid-morning," I answered before something occurred to me from earlier in the day. "Edward," I began, picking my words very carefully, "how exactly did you know where to send them? I don't recall telling you where the elementary school was located."

There was silence on the other end. I wasn't sure he was still even on the phone with me, but then, just as quickly, I heard a small intake of breath, to alert me that he was still there. I fleetingly wondered if he had been holding his breath. _Did my question really take him by surprise?_

"Well, Jasper did a little research this morning after you left. He's rather good at finding things that are well hidden and the internet does have its advantages. I hope you don't feel that we encroached on your privacy. We just wanted to send you a little something to thank you for your time with us last night. I hope that's acceptable," he replied, the last of it coming out like a deluge of rain, so quickly that I had to rush to keep up.

A small smile found its way to my mouth. "No. I'm not offended; just curious. No harm done." If I didn't know better, I could have sworn I heard a relieved sigh on his end of the extension.

"I hope that our time together last night didn't make you too late this morning. I would hate to think that we caused you any trouble, especially with how accommodating you were with your time and as Esme put it, our 'morbid' curiosity," he replied, teasing me, his tone generating memories of that absolutely devastatingly dazzling smile. _That crooked smile that I loved so much!_

I could hear the teasing nature in his voice. Without hesitation, I smiled again. _Thank goodness he can't see me._

"No, I arrived at work in plenty of time, but it's very thoughtful of you to be concerned," I said, stretching the truth a bit and then something occurred to me and I thought, why not? "Edward, did you happen to get that window fixed from last night?" _This is an honest question, I told myself knowing I was NOT teasing and most certainly NOT flirting with him. Yeah right…sure I wasn't._

Edward let out a hearty laugh, his voice sounding genuinely pleased. "Yes, I helped replace that very window this afternoon. Esme gave me hell for that. Our homes are very precious to her, as she carefully selects each one and tends to them with her special little touches, coaxing them to their ultimate glory. I won't make that mistake again."

I thought back to the night before and how shocked I had been when he had put his fist through the window before taking off. It still made absolutely no sense to me, but not wanting to pry or seem impolite, I let it go. I did allow myself a moment to appreciate his laughter. It was still a sound that brought joy to my heart. _I can't believe that such a small sound can impact so much—still._

"Well, I have to run. I've got loads of paperwork to do before I head to the university. Thank you again, Edward. Will you pass along my thanks to the rest of your family?" I asked him, realizing that while I didn't want the conversation to end, I knew there was nothing else to say.

"Of course. And, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon with Jasper and Alice at your office. Is that still acceptable, _professor_?" he inquired, his voice smooth, with just a hint of teasing.

"Well, if you three are insistent on taking classes with me, I won't stop you. But, you'll have to earn those grades. I'm not one to give anything away, you know," I finished, hoping that my voice sounded breezy, while my throat constricted thinking ahead to the coming weeks of being in such close proximity to him.

"Yes, I realize that we will actually have to work to receive acceptable grades with you as our instructor. But all in all, it should be an interesting semester. At the very least, Monday and Wednesday nights will give us something to look forward to," he replied, sounding somewhat excited. _Was he really excited or was it just my wishful thinking?_

I could feel _my_ excitement, as butterflies filled my stomach. Was he flirting? _No, that's impossible, Bella_. My long dormant heart was coming to life, but I forced it back. I was used to men flirting. Not that I paid any mind to it. Humans were generally repelled by us, but our physical appearance sometimes won out over the repulsion.

I didn't notice myself looking much different after my change, but I could see a new look in men's eyes when I would walk by. It was the same look that Gerry, the slime ball, had every time he and I crossed paths.

After a while, it got annoying, but then I would remember how it felt to look at Edward when I was still human. I was…am, captivated by his handsome features. I had never seen anything like him before and knew that I would never find anyone else to compare to him, no matter how long I lived.

Jacob was handsome; extremely good-looking and I knew that other women envied me when we had been together. But Edward was something else entirely. He was incomparable.

"Well, I'm sure that my Mondays and Wednesdays will be nerve racking, to say the least, but I'll manage," I choked out, realizing that I had been absent from the conversation for far too long. Despite the fact that it was more than a few seconds, I knew that Edward knew I had been lost in my thoughts. I chuckled silently to myself as I remembered how much that used to torture him.

"Bella, if this is not comfortable for you, then _none_ of us will force the issue. That isn't fair to you. Granted, Alice will be very disappointed, but she'll survive. She can still see you when your schedule can allow it," he began tentatively with obvious disappointment in his voice, before I felt the need to clear the air.

No, that wouldn't do, as I thought how wonderful it would be to see them at _least_ twice a week. "Edward, I'll survive. Trust me. You and your siblings won't be the worst I have faced in terms of students. You should see what I have to deal with during the daytime," I laughed, thinking back to some of my more unique charges.

"Well, as long as you're certain," he replied, his tone doubtful.

"Absolutely. It might even be fun," I answered him forcing my tone to be warmer. It was then that I realized that it would do wonders for me to see them during class, even if it was solely in a professional capacity. This conversation was generating too many insecurities and emotions that I didn't have time to deal with. "Edward, I have to run. Again, thank you and please pass that along to the others as well."

"I will. _And_, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon," he finished, his tone soft yet determined.

"Goodbye."

"Till tomorrow, Bella," he said, before he hung up the phone.

I sat there, the receiver still in my hand, going over the conversation. It was then that I knew that I would be looking forward to my Monday and Wednesday nights, much more than I ever had before. Of course, if I was being completely honest with myself, as much as I had missed Alice, I knew that my newfound enthusiasm for my night classes was due to Edward. As much as I tried to believe that I wasn't affected by his presence, nothing could be farther from the truth.

Again, I had thought of his playful tone on the phone and then I understood. He was always the perfect gentleman. He was being polite for the sake of his family. That's it. That's what it had to be. Disappointment started to flood my form, as I realized that I had allowed myself to hope, even if it was only a little bit. I forced myself to accept that it was only civility that permeated his conversation with me. Edward didn't love me. He left me. He was only curious. He didn't really want me. He was just being nice for the sake of his family.

Before I could allow myself to get bogged down in my depressing thoughts, I glanced at the clock in my room and realized that I had to hurry since I had a faculty meeting and needed to leave immediately to ensure that I made it in time.

I rushed to grab paperwork that I could finish at home that night, as well as papers that needed grading and my planning book. I had just finished gathering my things and was heading toward the door, when I smelled him…his familiar, unwelcome scent of rancid fish and nicotine…_Gerry_. I did my best to best to block the stench.

"Beth, heading out so soon?" he asked me, standing in the doorframe, as if I would find his attempt to keep me trapped appealing. The smirk on his face as he glanced around the room and found me alone in my classroom made my stomach turn.

"I have a faculty meeting at the university. I've gotta dash or I'll be late," I answered him hurriedly, hoping that he would take the hint.

"I hope you're not neglecting your duties here. Looks like you've got paperwork piling up," he retorted, waving a hand at my bag that I had recently filled with things that I would take care of once I got home. _He honestly thinks I would respond to this crap?_ I was starting to get irritated.

I squared my shoulders as I turned to face him fully. "Have I ever not completed my work without plenty of time to spare? Have I ever not been amenable with my responsibilities?" I shot back at him, keeping the same polite smile on my lips. I'm sure that my annoyance was starting to seep through. He just stood there with that dumb, leering face and I was becoming angrier by the minute.

"Relax, Beth. All I'm saying is that _I_ think you work entirely too much. It wouldn't hurt for you to kick back once in a while and just have some fun. I might be able to help you out with that," he smirked obscenely, obviously thinking thoughts that I was sure I didn't want to know as his eyes raced up and down my body.

"Well, I appreciate your consideration for my feelings, but I'll be fine. I'm happy with my life the way it is and I have plenty to occupy my time," I finished, hoping that would be the end of this conversation.

He took a step inside my room moving uncomfortably close to me. "Beth, you can't grieve him forever. You've been a widow, what, at least five years now? I mean, you still wear his ring, for crying out loud. It's like you're still in mourning. He'd want you to be happy, to move on with someone who could _really _treat you right," he said lustfully to me, the tone of his voice clearly implying that he meant nothing of emotional intimacy, but rather focusing entirely on the physical aspect of that type of relationship.

"Gerry, how I live my life and who I spend my time with is my concern," I answered him, this time my smile gone and the tone of my voice completely devoid of any friendliness.

"I'm just saying you shouldn't waste your life. You're only young once," he snapped back, clearly displeased with the direction the conversation had taken. "Of course, I'm a patient man. I've got plenty of time to wait."

With that, I pushed my way past him to exit the room, bidding him a good night and made my way to the car. I was fuming by the time that I got there. If I hadn't been so completely terrified of my identity being found out and having to start over, I wouldn't have put up with his harassment.

Gerry had a reputation of not being trustworthy, and it was easy to see why. He had friends in high places and although his tactics were beyond reprehensible, most people just stood aside and gave him his way.

Unfortunately, I had to be one of those people. He could ruin what I had tried so hard to build here. So far, I had been able to do my job and only had to put up with his juvenile behavior occasionally. I tried to push him from my mind as I started the car.

I smiled though. _"You're only young once…" _Laughable. I would be young forever. At first, my looks had been a definite disadvantage. I looked too young to be able to do the things that I could do, but I got better at acting and looking older. More sophisticated clothing, hair worn up, professional demeanor…it helped me when it came to career choices.

When people would comment on my youthful appearance, I would laugh lightly and praise genetics and a liberal use of sunscreen for my good fortune. And as for his patience, well he could just go ahead and wait forever! Even as lonely as I was, Gerry Goodwin would never be someone I would actively seek out to ease that ache. If anything, I would just as soon start feeding on humans than spend anymore time with that man than was absolutely necessary.

Pushing the thoughts of Gerry from my mind, I arrived at the university in record time and made my way to the staff meeting. I rushed inside, stopping only to greet a few people and check my mailbox before making my way to the conference room, where people had already begun to arrive and settle in. I greeted the colleagues that I knew and things quickly got underway.

Same old, same old. I found myself barely paying attention, my thoughts distractedly drifting to the night before, and all that I had laid out for the Cullens to see; remembering how it felt to sit there, so close to Edward. I was still lost in my own daydreams when I realized that someone was trying to get my attention.

My boss and department chair, Lynn, was speaking to me, snapping me out of my bemused state, "Elizabeth, would you care to chair the event again? Elizabeth?"

I smiled sweetly in her direction, trying to feign interest. "I'm sorry. What did you ask me? I must have missed a step," I answered, hoping that I hadn't offended her.

"The annual cocktail reception and dance for the honors students and faculty. Would you be willing to chair this again? Last year's event was such a huge success, I thought you wouldn't mind putting it on again this season," she said, her eyes innocent and wide with a smile on her face just willing me to agree.

Ugh…the cocktail reception. The year prior I had been "volunteered" to chair the event, which, in essence, meant planning this huge party single handedly. Venue, theme, décor, music, food and drink, invitations…the list went on and on. The party had been a big hit, but I was never one for parties. However, I looked back at Lynn, ready to turn down the honor.

Instead, when my eyes met hers, I sighed. "I'd love to," I answered, with a great big fake smile plastered across my face.

Edward's POV:

I pushed the button on the cordless phone, ending the call with Bella, though I didn't want to. My shoulders settled back into the overstuffed chair, the very one that I had sat in all day; the very same chair she had occupied the night before, never once moving, hoping…_praying_ that she would call the house in regards to the flowers that _I_ had sent her. I fervently prayed that she would call the main house, and not someone's cell phone that wasn't mine. When the phone finally rang, late in the afternoon and the caller ID flashed the elementary school, my chest actually soared. _It was so wonderful to hear her voice…_

Jasper scoured the internet, trying to find her address at the school, while Alice and I had driven out to the nearest big city. I personally chose the cut-crystal vase from Tiffany's, before driving like a hellion back to the local florist. I took it upon myself to hand select each and every flower, knowing that each bloom had a specific meaning from me to her, that filled that sculptured piece of crystal. _Only the best for my Bella…_

When it came time to fill out the card, I panicked. I still had no clear idea of how she felt about me, and the idea of signing only my name to the card seemed too forward. Until I had an opportunity to talk with her in private, explain everything and hope that she would have me again, I wouldn't push her. _At least not yet…._

Alice and I discussed options and thought it best to sign it _The Cullens_. At the very least, she would have me on her mind. I tipped the florist and the delivery man gratuitously, anxious that she get the delivery as soon as was _humanly_ possible. Her teasing on the phone and genuine appreciation of the bouquet had me realizing that I could hang on one more day until I saw her again…be with her again and appreciate this second chance once more.


	30. Chapter 29: Ground Rules

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Chapter 29: Ground Rules

The next day came and went. I taught at the elementary school and prepared to once more rush off to the university. I must have seemed overly anxious to leave, because Mandy noticed that I seemed more hurried than usual.

"Elizabeth, you seem different today. Anything you care to share with the class?" she asked, her eyes bright with amusement.

I caught her pun and chuckled, which surprised me. I rarely laughed that freely. "Now, why would you think that?" I grinned.

"Well, for one, you've had this silly little smile on your face the entire day. Not to mention the fact that you seem to be almost floating today," she laughed.

"Oh, Mandy. You must be imagining things. I'm the same as I am every day," my voice came out unusually light, and my mood even lighter. With a jolt, I realized that I must be acting much differently than I normally did. Damn. I must usually seem like a black pit of despair if she thought I was different today. I'd need to try to stop looking so depressed all the time.

"I'm not buying it. I still think there's more to those flowers than you're letting on. But, it's none of my business, so I won't pry." She observed airily with obvious curiosity. She continued to pack up, then turned to me again, "But, if there is something, you would let me know, wouldn't you?" She pretended to pout, her lower lip jutting out like one of our students when they didn't get their way.

"You'll be the very first to know," I smiled back at her, knowing that relaying that type of information was very unlikely to ever happen. I played along with her anyway. Mandy was good to me so the least I could do was to appear accommodating.

She didn't know how right she was though. Things were different. Forty-eight hours had changed more than I cared to admit. I couldn't help but feel excited at the thought of seeing the Cullen's again. Even though the evening I'd spent with them a few nights prior had been painful, long and somewhat confusing, I had enjoyed seeing them again. I was among my own and that had restored a part of my past life again. I had unwittingly reconnected to the past I had tried so hard to forget. I had no idea how long it would last or how I would handle the day they walked out of my life again. But right now, I didn't seem to care.

I finally understood deep inside that I would never get over the life altering experience of Edward. No matter how much I tried to deny it, I could not forget. I didn't want to forget the short time when I felt like I belonged. I didn't want to forget the time when I felt beautiful. Even if I never understood why I was blessed with the chance to be close to Edward, I had felt like a part of a family. Once you experience that, you can't ever go back. So for now, for once, I would enjoy myself and deal with the consequences later. I was determined to live in the moment because as I well knew, the moments could disappear with no warning.

If I was being honest with myself, I knew the real reason I was excited was the idea of being near Edward again. I didn't want to admit it, but being around him, taking in his scent, talking with him made me feel alive again. Mandy's observations of my demeanor were proof enough. Instead of robotically going through the motions of beginning a new day, my outlook was considerably brighter and I felt buoyancy in my spirit that I hadn't felt in so long. But, I wouldn't candidly let myself think these thoughts, even though they were lurking and stirring right under the surface.

"Well, I'm headed out for the evening. Are you leaving for the university?" Mandy asked me, as she collected her purse and car keys.

"I'm right behind you," I responded, knowing that I had an appointment to keep. There was no way that I would be late for this. I tried to mentally convince myself that I didn't want to disappoint my students by being tardy, but only three students came readily to mind and only one student remained there.

I arrived at the faculty parking lot, easing my car into a familiar space and turning it off. I bent the rearview mirror down, to check my reflection before I headed inside. Mandy was right. I had this stupid little grin on my face that even I wasn't aware of.

_Where did that come from?_

I tipped my head from one side to the other examining the differences that were apparent to anyone who looked at me. But even more interesting than my smirking little smile was the look on my face. My eyes were brighter and my cheeks looked almost flushed. True, I had fed this morning, just as I did most mornings, but I looked, well…alive, excited. Again, I wouldn't let myself really admit where all this came from, but it was intriguing. For the first time in years, I felt..._hope_.

I stopped looking at myself in the mirror, grabbed my bags, and jumped out of the car. I secured my vehicle and straightened my clothing before heading toward one of the larger buildings that held my tiny office. I had office hours for students twice a week, but thank goodness that today was not one of those days. Meeting with Edward, Alice and Jasper was not something I wanted interrupted.

It was only four in the afternoon, so I could check email and do a bit of paperwork before they arrived. I laughed knowing that none of that would happen because I would need every spare moment between now and then to calm myself before they showed up.

I entered the building, and saw that Janice held her proverbial spot behind the desk, as she did most days. She had been with the university for years and was a well-respected employee, however she was also notoriously the building gossip. She knew exactly what was going on in every person's life, save mine. She seemed to have given up on me about a year ago when she realized that all I did was work. She had once asked me about a husband, noticing the wedding band that I wore on my finger, but I had easily sidestepped that question, by telling her I was a widow. No one liked to see possible waterworks and I remembered the look on her face that day. _She'd never bring that up topic of conversation again. _

"Good afternoon, Janice. How's your day?" I asked her, making polite conversation.

She looked pleased to see me, yet she was jittery like she anxiously wanted to talk. "Good, good." Her words were quick and somewhat impolite as she pushed forward skipping the pleasantries. "I thought you didn't have office hours on Wednesday, Elizabeth," she demanded in a rush.

"I don't."

"Well, you have three people waiting outside your office who seem to think otherwise. They're the same people that were in your office the other night. I think you called them 'family friends'," she finished, looking at me curiously with her head cocked to the side, her comments making my head spin.

_Oh crap! They're already here…_

"Oh, they have an appointment with me for this afternoon, but I wasn't expecting them for another half hour or so," I replied, hoping that she would drop it. Hope springs eternal, but I knew her too well to believe she would back off.

"An appointment, huh? Didn't even consider that," her voice started to trail off in disappointment. She looked like she had just suffered a blow to her assumptions. Then I could see her eyes change.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, curious as to the expression that had crossed her face. Janice was normally so easy to read, but this one stumped me.

"Oh, nothing. But those friends of yours are incredibly good looking. I've never seen such beautiful people all together. And, so graceful…" she went on, before I found the need to cut her off.

"Yes, they are good looking. Good genes, I guess. You should see the rest of the family. As for their gracefulness, they all took ballet when they were younger," I added trying to stifle the grin as I told another whopping lie.

Janice was salivating, no doubt from the idea that she was planning on telling every individual in the office that I was hanging out with great looking former dancers. Who knew how twisted the story would become by the time Janice "thought" she had figured it out? If she was having fun, what was the harm in adding more fuel to her fire?

_She'll do it anyway…might as well make it more entertaining for her._

"Well, that's certainly interesting. I won't keep you though. They've already been here for at least fifteen minutes. You might not want to keep them waiting any longer," she smiled at me brightly, though I could easily see that she was hoping for even more "dirt" on the attractive people waiting, by this time I'm sure, anxiously, outside my door.

I bid Janice a good day as I headed toward my office. But, before I could very far, I was delayed by Lynn, my department chair who smiled brightly as she saw me approach and waved me over.

"Elizabeth, I didn't think I would see you today. I just wanted to thank you again for being so gracious and agreeing to plan the cocktail party again this year. I know with your expertise that it will be an even bigger success than it was last time," she said, her genuine smile growing broader by the minute.

"Lynn, it's really no problem. Anything I can do to help," I replied, hoping my smile looked just as genuine as hers.

"I took the liberty of placing some invitation books and guests lists by your office while you were out. I hope that's ok," she asked.

"That will be a big help. I'll keep you posted via email how the plans are progressing. Will that work for you?" I responded to her, knowing that she would be happy with just about anything that I came up with short of a 1970's revival complete with bell bottoms and butterfly collar shirts. No…something more elegant this year – I'd figure it out.

"Are you sure about this? I know it's a lot of work and with your day job, night classes and administering some of the online class load…it's a lot of work, Elizabeth," she tentatively probed, now looking a bit concerned that she might have pushed me a bit past my limit, but hoping that I was up to the challenge.

"Lynn, I promise it will be fine. It's just a few vendor meetings and phone calls now and a few more when we get closer to the event. I think it will be tougher to find a new dress this year. Besides, what else would I do with my weekends?" I asked her, a hint of teasing in my voice.

"Well, if you're sure…"

"Absolutely. I had a great time planning last year's event. I'm hoping this one is even better," I brazenly lied again hoping to end the conversation and move forward with more important things, like getting the Cullens out of the hall and into my office.

"Wonderful. Well, keep me posted, and thank you again. I really appreciate you taking this on. I remember when I used to plan it…lots of work but completely worth it in the end. And, Elizabeth, be sure to invite your guests. I saw them waiting patiently for you to arrive. Janice told me that they were old family friends?" she asked looking to confirm the gossip that was already spreading.

I could see the completely unmasked look of curiosity written clearly across her face. Just like at the elementary school, the thought of me having "friends" was easily the most interesting piece of information that anyone could get their hands on. I was a worker bee with no life. That's how I was seen and now that I had people visiting, it pushed me into the spotlight. One I wasn't very comfortable standing in.

"Yes, I shouldn't keep them waiting. And thank you for extending an invitation to them. I'll see if they're interested in attending," I concluded, bidding a good evening to Lynn before turning and heading toward my office.

And there they were, talking to each other in hushed tones. They heard my approach and each of them turned to face me. Again, I reached into my handbag, looking for my set of keys to let us into my small office, before I arrived. The faster we got inside, the faster we could get out of the line of sight of every pair of eyes in the building. I could already pick up strains of conversation with my sensitive hearing and it wasn't good. I didn't need that type of information continually coming up every time I came to work. I had enough to worry about.

Unlocking the door, I stepped aside for them to come in. Alice hugged me and then bent to pick up the books on the floor that Lynn had left for me, while Jasper extended his hand, smiled sweetly at me and bowed his head, which I took as a friendly greeting. Jasper had never been a talkative one.

Edward held out his hand and when I shook it, those familiar flashes of energy passed through me. I glanced up to his face, focusing on his intense eyes, though I could tell he had that same beautiful crooked grin on his face. After only a moment, I forced my gaze away from him. Remaining in control was important so that I didn't do something stupid like gasping or worse, lose my balance. I motioned for them to take a seat, and each of them reclaimed their positions from a few nights prior.

I found the remote, this time changing the CD player to a symphony by Rinaldo's Suite Sarabande, the dark melody sure to drown out any conversation we would have.

Tossing the remote back in the drawer, I turned to speak to them, "Sorry I kept you waiting. I thought our meeting was for 4:30," I began.

"It was. Alice couldn't contain herself," Edward answered me smiling at his sister smugly.

"Now, that's not fair. _You_ got to talk to her yesterday. I had to wait another forty-eight hours before I could even see her, so getting here early is no crisis," she retorted, her smile tight, while her eyes looked like she could shoot daggers.

"Ok. Ok. No big deal. Really, you guys are acting like children." I teased, my smile brightening. My chest swelled, realizing how happy I was that they were here, and eager to see me, no less. "I'm just relieved that I wasn't late for our appointment. Can we get down to business?"

"Bella, is this really necessary? I mean we have been living among humans for years, and it's obvious that we don't need pointers on how to make this work," Alice snorted.

"Well, as a matter of fact, it is necessary. I have done everything in my power to stay undetected for the past two years here, and I'm not about to lose that now. My rules are very simple and shouldn't really inconvenience any of you. I just need you to understand what's needed from you in this situation." I hoped the look on my face would show that I was serious and wouldn't budge.

"We're listening," Jasper answered for the three of them.

"First and foremost, you _must_ always address me as Elizabeth or Beth when we are in public. I cannot explain why friends or students have suddenly started calling me 'Bella'. If you must, you can call me Ms. Marsten, which I detest almost as much as 'Professor Marsten'," I shot a look first in Jasper's direction, while he smiled brightly at me, before turning to Edward, who pursed his lips, before I continued, "I prefer the casual interaction of my _public_ first name. When we are in private, I will happily respond to Bella, but this rule must be followed or all bets are off," I explained.

"Well that's easy enough. Why do you think we addressed your card with a simple 'B'?" Alice said with a giggle in her voice.

"We knew that that could be interpreted as either 'Bella' in your mind or, we were hoping 'Beth' would be acceptable to the rest of society as they know you," Edward finished for his sister, his grin becoming wider, while he tried to swallow the chuckle that I could hear that was beginning to form in his throat.

_Could I feel like a bigger moron?_ _I knew this was all elementary, yet I couldn't relinquish the control of how people here perceived me. _I had to maintain appearances for my sanity. "Oh. I didn't even catch that." I turned my focus to Alice and Jasper before I spoke again. "By the way, I'm sure that Edward mentioned it to you, but thanks to both of you for the flowers. They were a complete surprise and it was nice to be thought of in such a beautiful way," I told them somewhat lamely.

"We're all pleased that you liked them," Jasper offered, his tone quiet as usual.

"Bella, we get the first condition. What's next?" Alice asked, beginning to sound impatient.

"My second condition is that for you to take my classes, you may only take them as an audit. That is, I can't award any of you grades…"

"Bella," Edward sighed, "we all intend on actually working for our grades. We don't expect you to give us anything because of our," his forehead crunched as he searched for the correct word, "relationship. We already talked about that."

"I know that." I had no doubt that the work the three of them would submit to me would be the best examples of freshman writing that I had ever come across. That wasn't the problem. "The work isn't the issue. The issue is that most of the people in this office have seen you already and I do _not_ want there to be any conflict of interest in their minds. If they ask, I can explain that you are attending my classes because you are simply interested in my teaching style or come up with some other reason to suffice. Surely you can all see how this situation could come back to 'bite' me in the proverbial bottom," I ended my stream of thought.

"We do actually need the credit," Alice countered.

My stomach started to feel the beginning knots of anxious energy and I feared that they might change their mind with my conditions. My heart started to sink before I came up with a suggestion. "Well, if you all end up staying here, I can always change the audit to a grade next semester when no one is looking. I have it in my power to do that," I said, hoping that they would take this option.

"Well, we never knew that you wielded such power." Edward teased, his smile captivating. "We can most certainly do that. What's next?" his queried.

"Well, other than that, my last condition should be the easiest for you to abide by," my voice sounding rushed, which only heightened my level of anxiety.

"Bella, I'm sure that it's a simple request." Jasper's voice was tranquil as always and he proved that by sending me a soothing wave of calm. I was grateful for it.

"Yes, what's your final condition?" Alice asked, her impatience no longer contained. The annoyance in her voice was difficult to miss.

"Well, when we are together on campus, it's essential that you _all_ act appropriately. So far, no one knows any of you as anything other than old family friends. I know that you are all very good at being around humans and I need those wonderful acting abilities to continue. I'm really not trying to be overly cautious, but I can't risk exposure," I replied, as I looked directly at Alice, trying to will her to understand that she sometimes was a bit overeager.

Alice rolled her eyes again. "Bella, all of these 'ground rules'," she used her fingers to created quotation marks in the space in front of her, "are completely unnecessary. We've been doing this a lot longer than you," she began.

I politely cut her off. "Alice," my small smile in place, "it's like I said…I know you can do these things. But, I can't leave them unsaid. It's essential that everyone here at the university continues to see me as the same professional workaholic, so I can continue to work here, undetected."

"Bella, your conditions are more than reasonable. I can guarantee that we will all abide by your wishes. You have nothing to worry about, I promise," Edward assured me.

I found myself smiling back at him. "Thank you. I appreciate your willingness to allow me to sit here and ramble. I feel better that we are on the same page with this. I know I sound silly, but I just want to stay off the radar."

The silence in the room was deafening, even as the stereo continued to play. We all sat there, unsure of what to say next when Alice's high, beautiful voice filled the room, "Bella, what exactly were you talking about with that woman down the hall…before you came to see us to have our little meeting?" she asked curiously.

"Woman? Oh, you mean my boss, Lynn. We were just discussing an event that I got roped into planning for the university. Just a little party…" I continued, before Alice jumped from her seat.

"Party? What type of party?" The words rushed from her excitedly.

"It's just an annual party that the university gives for the honors and scholarship students, along with faculty and grant donors. I planned the event last year and I was asked to give a repeat performance. It's no big deal, sort of a hassle really. But, to keep my boss happy, I'll go through the drudgery of putting on another stellar performance."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Alice chimed in again.

My forehead creased while I tried to make sense of what she was asking. "Forgetting something? I'm not sure what you mean," I answered her.

"I _distinctly_ heard her say that you should invite your _friends_. I'm assuming she meant us," she replied, her thumb pointed at her chest, with a look of intense hope shining in her beautiful dark golden eyes.

"Uh…she did. But, you wouldn't want to come to this, would you? I mean, it's a really boring event with a speaker and food that you can't eat. Not to mention there will be dancing later on in the evening. That can't possibly be of any interest to you," I went on to say before I saw Edward roll his eyes and Jasper draw his hand up to his brow, rubbing it as if to wipe away tension that was beginning to build.

"Dancing?" Alice screeched. "What would one wear to something like this?"

"Semiformal. Something short and cocktail appropriate. Why?" I was starting to get nervous. Terrified might have been a better adjective.

Edward let out a short, barking cough, which I knew was really a laugh, trying hard to not let me in on what was so completely amusing to him, but I was completely left in the dark as to why he'd be laughing. Jasper looked nauseous while Alice looked elated.

"Will someone please tell me what's so funny?" I exclaimed, starting to become annoyed that I was being left out of the loop.

"Bella, you do know that Alice _thrives_ on these types of events. You have to realize that you've just opened a Pandora's Box, right?" Edward said to me, this time that crooked grin of his growing as wide as his face would allow.

"Bella please let us come. Please. This will be just like prom all those years ago," she said before she saw me lightly wince. She stopped, her eyes widening as she filled her lungs with air before continuing, "I can help you find a dress and we can get ready together and it will be so much fun…" she pleaded before I cut her off.

"Alice, this event isn't any fun. I promise, you won't be missing anything," I countered, hoping that she believed me and we could move forward.

Immediately after the last word left my lips, I saw Jasper wince. He looked to his wife who looked utterly disappointed, her eyes sad, her lips pouting, her shoulders rounded down, like I had just taken away a new puppy from her tiny arms. I realized that Jasper was reacting from his wife's sudden change in mood and that wouldn't do.

I took in a huge breath. "Alice, if you would _really_ like to come, I _have_ been directed to invite you. I guess it is due to the fact that most of my colleagues would like to know what type of 'friends' I have, but if you're okay with that reason, I would be happy to add you to the invite list. Not to mention that some of the staff here will salivate over all the members of your family, hoping for a dance or whatnot. Will that make you happy?" I asked her, my head cocked to the side with a smile on my lips, like a mother would give to an unhappy child.

"YES!" she exclaimed, a bit louder than I would have liked. Jasper put his hand on hers, motioning for her to be a bit less eager.

"Well, I'm glad that's settled. But, it's not for a couple of months yet. I still have to plan the whole thing and I haven't even called the University House to see what Saturday nights are still available," I spoke again, my hand resting on the invitation books that Alice had brought in from the hallway.

I was focused on Alice and I didn't even see the exchange happen between her and Edward.

"Oh no, Alice, that's not a good idea. I'm sure that Bella…" Edward started before Alice glanced over in his direction with a look that caused him to instantly stop talking, motioning with his hands up like he was giving up. Just then, a gentle smile passed his lips.

I realized at that point that the two of them were having another quiet, private conversation and from the looks of it, Alice was giving him a tongue-lashing. I waited impatiently for someone to clue me in on what exactly was going on.

"Alice, what are you thinking?" I asked her, cautiously. I was afraid of her answer.

"Well, I know how busy you are. I had to beg just to be able to attend your classes in order for me to see you more than once a week," she began, the smile starting to cross her features wickedly, before she continued, "so I think you could use some help."

"Help? Help with what?" I asked, keeping my tone casual. I remembered that Alice needed to be handled with kid gloves from time to time, and this situation seemed to scream for it.

"Help planning, silly. I'm excellent at party planning. Like I said when you saw my room at the house the other night—I told you how I was prepared for most anything. I'll help you orchestrate this little party of yours. I can help you with everything. We can pick a theme, colors, food," she stuck her tongue out after this, suggesting her disgust for human sustenance, "music…we can start with the invitations you have right there, if there's anything appropriate. We may have to do something custom otherwise, but…" she went on.

"Alice, I really appreciate your willingness to help, but I wouldn't dream of putting any of this on you. This is my burden to bear and I'll get it done. It's nothing more than some phone calls and a few vendor meetings. I can do it on weekends and we'll still get to see each other. I'll _find _the time for you, I promise."

Alice looked disappointed again. UGH! I couldn't take this, so I caved. _I'm such a wimp!_

"Alright. I could use some help. I'm sure that you are the consummate party planner, so your assistance would be really useful. But, I'm warning you...this is a stuffy university event. Nothing flashy. Nothing over the top or overly expensive," I laid down a few more ground rules, this time for an entirely different reason.

"I get it. Boring." She looked at me, her teasing smile quickly returning to her delicate face.

"Not boring exactly; traditional, serene, with a little fun tossed in for the students," I initiated, as Alice pulled the invitation booklet from under my hand and off of the desk. She started looking at the samples, with an obvious look of distaste on her features.

"These won't do. We'll have to go into the city and get some alternates…" Alice whined, before I felt the need to cut this conversation short.

"Alice, we'll go over all of this, but time is running short and we have class to get to. You and I can get together soon and put some ideas together. OK?"

I had stepped from behind my desk then, and Alice came to where I stood, kissing me lightly on both cheeks.

"We'll have such fun. This will be quite the event, unlike anything that the university has ever seen. We'll make you shine, Bella." She smiled, obviously pleased with herself as ideas starting rummaging through her head.

"I _don't_ need to shine. I just need for it to be mildly successful. I'm sure between the two of us, we'll make that happen."


	31. Chapter 30: Wednesday Night

Chapter 29: Wednesday Night

I easily pried the book from Alice's hand, motioning to the clock on the wall and ignoring the look of wide eyed surprise on her face at my strength. "We better get moving if we don't want to be late," I hastened to her and then motioned to Edward and Jasper. I put my office in order and we all headed out into the main waiting area. Alice and Jasper went ahead, while Edward stayed back to walk with me.

"Can I help you with anything?" Edward asked, always the perfect gentleman.

"No, I can manage. Have you picked up your books for the class yet?"

Edward chuckled. "_Alice_ went first thing yesterday, after _we_ left the florist. She couldn't wait to see what you might have planned for us," laughing at his sister's enthusiasm.

"Were you disappointed? I mean it's only two books for each class, and one is a simple pocket guide that's used for both. Nothing too exciting," I asked, as I led my way out of the front office, away from the prying eyes of my colleagues and students who had stopped to gaze upon Edward's glory.

"Not at all. I think it's going to be a really good semester, don't you?" he teased.

"Well, that all depends on your sister. She tends to get carried away at times, or don't you remember that?" I taunted back.

"Well, I am sorry that you got talked into her letting her help plan your cocktail reception. But, it was very nice of you to consent to allow her to participate. She really missed you and this will give her more opportunities to spend time with you, other than in class," he said, the tone of his voice sweet.

"It'll be fine. How much trouble can she possibly be?" I gently replied with a tone of sarcasm I hadn't used in years. "Most likely, she'll just lose interest and I can just put on the same thing as last year."

He chuckled again, while I could see him shaking his head out of the corner of my eye. "I know that we haven't seen you in years, but you can't possibly believe that Alice will lose interest in this, do you?" The sarcasm was dripping of his tongue to match my own. "I think there may be more trouble ahead of you than you anticipate," the smile on his face evident from the tone of his voice, not that I dared to look up to confirm my suspicions. _I have to change the subject or else he might actually think I am trying to flirt with him!_

"Well, I'll just handle things one day at a time. It will be nice to see her and spend more time with her. Before last Monday, I had _no_ idea how much I missed her." As the words left my mouth, I was hit with the realization of how melancholy my feelings were when I thought of all the years without Alice – well, all of the Cullens really…especially one in particular, but pushed those thoughts from my mind.

I wouldn't allow myself to look up at him. I thought it best to be polite but professional. We were on campus and I had to concentrate. I had responsibilities that I took very seriously and I couldn't allow myself to be completely dazzled by Edward Cullen, even if I wanted to. _And, oh how I want to._ Plus, I feared if I didn't focus on my job, he would soon figure out that I still had intense feelings for him and that would just be plain embarrassing. I couldn't allow him access to me again when I knew it couldn't…wouldn't go anywhere.

I tried to make polite conversation. "How is Esme?"

"Well, she's been chattering nonstop about you coming back to the house on Friday. She can't wait to see you again. I've haven't seen her this eager since…" he stopped, before continuing. "Well, she's very excited that you've agreed to come back to our home for another visit."

I pondered on what he was might be holding back from me. He used to call it "editing", but decided it wasn't worth pursuing. We continued to hurry to the classroom, as I frantically tried to think of something to say. "Well, I'm looking forward to seeing her again. Actually, I'm looking forward to spending time with your entire family." _I certainly wasn't about to tell him that I was looking forward to seeing him the most…_

I could sense his head turn toward me. "Believe me -- the entire family shares your opinion..." he hesitated, " and _we_ can't wait to spend some time with _you._"

We arrived at my assigned classroom, where students had already begun to settle in. I moved toward the front desk, while Edward went to the seat that his brother and sister had saved for him in the back of the room. I began to feel nervous. So nervous in fact, that I was having a difficult time trying to decipher exactly what I would do. I had set a precedent Monday night by keeping all my students until the end of the evening. Would I do the same tonight? That was never the way I conducted myself on the first night of class, and surprisingly, part of me just wanted to get away and have an evening to myself to try and sort out everything from the past couple of days.

I _wanted_ to be near _them. _That was a certainty, but was I setting myself up for disaster? Would they just leave again, putting me through the same agony? I knew I no longer had any hold on Edward, but Alice had said she wasn't letting go. How would all of this work out? Plus, how was I ever going to teach, with them all sitting there, looking at me from the back row of the classroom?_ I never should have agreed to this – not that I really had a choice._

I readied my class roster, noting that I had a few minutes until class would begin. I needed to make a decision and make it fast. I knew that I would be with the Cullens again on Friday night and I would need to have my thoughts in order before I could coherently behave in a respectable manner. _Respectable? I have to figure out how to control myself and not throw myself into his arms if he gives me that damnable dazzling smile of his that makes me forget to breathe even though I don't need to._

Just as I had admitted to Edward, the idea of Friday night with the Cullens excited me, and I finally allowed myself to accept that fact. To be with _the_ people that I could just relax around and the idea of not being so completely alone for an evening was beyond exhilarating.

To be honest, I didn't care what we did, as long as I with someone…anyone. I began to think about how much I shut myself off from others even though it was necessary. The people I came into contact with everyday were humans. I couldn't risk them or myself by becoming too friendly with them.

To anyone that crossed my path, we were both in trouble; either from the Volturi, if the secret was revealed or from myself, if the thirst became too much, not that I worried about the latter very often.

I never thought I would be able to take a human life, regardless of the circumstances. Of course there was the smell, but the guilt would be overwhelming. However, that didn't lesson the temptation and I had to be ever vigilant. I had learned something from the Cullens; the "vegetarian" life wasn't one I enjoyed, not that the "meat-eating" life would be better, but considering I needed it for survival, the vegan way of life was definitely more palatable.

I realized that I had been lost in my thoughts for longer than I had realized when I glanced up and noticed that most of the class was waiting quietly for me to begin the class session, some of them looking impatient while others looked completely amused as to what was keeping me from starting. I must have been quite the spectacle.

Rising from my seat with my paperwork, I needed to get things underway.

Clearing my throat, I began. "Sorry 'bout that. My name is Elizabeth Marsten and, just in case you were wondering, this is Introduction to Creative Writing, English 107. If you're not in the right class, feel free to exit through the door. There are maps and class lists outside in the hall to assist you in getting to the right location," as I finished my usual speech the first night of class. I wrote both my name and the class title on the board, to ensure that everyone present understood whether they were in the right place or not.

I began with my student roster, glancing through the names quickly at first and then reading them by one to take attendance as I met each student for the first time. _Well, most of them anyway…_

"Michael Aubrey?"

"Here."

"Phillip Avery?"

He didn't stir, as his head was resting comfortably on his large forearm atop his desk, but he did raise a hand in response. _I'll take that as "here"…_

"Jennifer Bartlett?"

"Present."

"Alice Cullen?" I chuckled to myself to see her name on my paperwork.

"Absolutely here." Her voice had that same high, musical lilt to it.

"Edward Cullen?"

"Most certainly here."

_Was he trying to kill me?_ Stifling a grin, I went on.

"Bryant Erwin?"

"Here."

"Jasper Hale?"

"Present and accounted for."

I made a mental note to let them all have it later. _Jeez_…

"Terri Hatch?"

Her eyes were bright with enthusiasm as she almost jumped from her seat, before she exclaimed, "HERE!" She then clamped an embarrassed hand over her mouth, before she blushed a deep shade of scarlet, which thankfully didn't tempt me. _Well, wasn't she an excited one?_

I went on down the list – most of the students that had signed up were there, telling me that they were ready for the semester and prepared to learn, or at the very least were making an effort.

"John Riley?"

He cleared his throat, which made my head turn in his direction. "Here. And, may I say, extremely pleased that I got a spot. I've heard nothing but wonderful things about your classes, Professor Marsten." His tone was sincere and his smile wide and endearing, but his eyes sparkled with mischief. He would certainly make this semester interesting. He seemed a bit older than most of my freshmen, but looks could be deceiving. He continued to smile at me and then I saw _it_. He was "attracted" to my looks, my draw as a vampire. _Great! Just what I need…_ But, he was sweet.

I looked down to call off another name from my list when a loud _bang _echoed through the room. I looked up toward the stadium seats to see that Edward had dropped his rather heavy textbook to the cement floor, his eyes focused in another direction of the room, staring intently through darkened eyes at a cluster of student seated toward the front, including Mr. Riley. It got everyone's attention and I was a bit surprised that he looked unhappy, angry actually, as his eyes were narrowed, obviously deep in concentration. I'm sure that his brother or sister was talking to him mentally as he retrieved his book from the floor, though their eyes never met mine.

As I turned my attention back to my register, I noticed that the eager girl from roll call had turned to look at the noise and had seemingly gotten stuck in her chair because she was just blatantly staring at Edward who was completely oblivious to her. _I guess I won't be the only one with fans in this class…_

After finishing roll call, the next topic was discussing options with those students still pining for a spot. Even so, I knew that I would extend an override to anyone who asked for one. "The more the merrier," I thought to myself mirthlessly. I handed out the syllabus for the class. As always, I heard a few groans and saw some students flip through the pages of the required class work, the look on their faces divulging exactly what was on their mind. Some were obviously thinking that the work load was easy, others ridiculously hard. _Freshmen…_

I took questions, careful to keep my focus on exactly what was in front of my nose. I would not allow myself to glance in Edward's direction again, as I knew that I might not be able to keep my emotions from flooding my face. I stayed professional and detached, but tried to keep my voice warm, to make my students feel comfortable, just as I did with my elementary kids.

"For our first assignment, we'll be focusing on poetry. I want each of you to bring in your favorite poem. If you bring in something typed out to turn in, whether of your own creation or a classic, I'll award you five bonus points," I finished, writing the assignment up on the board, to remind them. I heard collective groans and cheers from all over the room, though I could pinpoint that none of the Cullens said a word. I wasn't even sure if they were breathing.

Once I realized that my students were finished with questions, I dismissed them. Again, the look on their faces when the realization hit them that they were free to enjoy the rest of their evening never failed to make me smile. We could always make up time on other nights. They were kids and far too soon, life's responsibilities would catch up with them. If I could ease that burden just a bit, I had accomplished something. I never got tired of that feeling. I allowed myself a small smile as I gazed at the happy faces in the room.

The students started to gather their belongings, some making a mad dash for the door. One of the students nudged the now lightly snoring Mr. Avery from his peaceful slumber and he looked up for the first time all evening, before it dawned on him that class was over. I chuckled quietly to myself, as I, too, gathered my things. Alice, Jasper and Edward sat still in the back of the room murmuring to each other. I didn't attempt to listen, as I had students bidding me goodnight and thanks for the early release.

I almost bumped into him as he was standing so close. I scooted back a bit, my eyes easily betraying how embarrassed I was. I couldn't believe I hadn't heard or noticed him move down. _What happened to my vampire senses anyway?_ "Mr. Riley, I didn't see you standing there. What can I do for you?" I asked, my hand over where my now still heart was located.

"Professor Marsten, please call me John. I just wanted to reiterate how excited I am to be in your class. _You_ come highly recommended by many of my friends," he answered, his smile wide, as he took another half-step toward me.

I stood my ground, but returned the smile. "Please, in return, call me Elizabeth or Beth. I'm certainly no professor," I laughed lightly. _What a flirt!_

"I'm really excited about the first assignment. I'll have to go through my favorite books of poetry and find something very special to give to _you_," he replied.

_Good Lord… _"Well, whatever poem you choose will do. I'm looking forward to getting a sense of each student's…" I searched for the right word, "_focus_. It will give me some insight as to what to expect from each of you and tailor the syllabus accordingly. There's room for change, you know." I smiled at him, but kept it small, not wanting to encourage this flirtation. As I shuffled papers and books on my desk, I consciously dialed the knob upward on my blocking ability in my mind, hoping that it would do the trick and he would come to his human senses. _No such luck…_

He took another step toward me, which made me take a seat on the edge of my desk, withdrawing myself from his personal space, as I hugged the classroom textbook tightly against my chest. "Well, I have a few pieces in mind. I'm a romantic at heart, so it might be difficult to stop at just one good poem. I may have to bring in two or three." His head slightly bowed as he looked up at me, his smile growing wider. He wasn't about to give up.

I put the book down on my desk and swiveled my body, hoping down from the desktop and landing a few feet away from him. He continued to talk to me and I accommodated him. I knew that he was dazzled by my vampire traits; I would have to block those qualities even more strongly around him. It shouldn't be tough, but it was one more thing to keep track of especially with other _distractions_.

The conversation continued in the same manner, him flirting and me trying unsuccessfully to thwart his efforts until the classroom was almost completely emptied. Other students interrupted us to bid me a goodnight, which did nothing to deter him. Finally, I mentioned to him that I had places to be and other students seemed to be waiting for him in the hall, when he finally bid me a goodnight before heading out the door, his face giving away his sad expression. But before he left the room entirely, he turned back and winked at me. I couldn't help but smile back in his direction, shaking my head slightly when he had his back to me, as he headed toward the open door. _What was I going to do with him all semester?_

Everyone left, save my three "friends" in the back of the room. I caught Edward's expression and he still looked unhappy. Was there something on the syllabus he didn't like? Had I said something that upset him? Maybe he was having a disagreement with Alice or Jasper. They rose together silently and approached my desk. Alice bounded toward me beating her brother and Jasper with a look of excitement in her eyes.

"Alice," I spoke it as a greeting, my voice even with just a hint of a smile.

"_Elizabeth_, that was mighty quick. You hold us hostage on Monday night and then tonight you keep us what, twenty minutes? What was that all about?" she asked, her grin evil, but her voice teasing and light.

I crossed the room, closing the door to my classroom, so that we could speak more freely.

"Well, if you must know," keeping my face smooth, "I was pretty ticked off Monday night."

"Ticked off? About what?" she responded, her eyes wide with alarm and her demeanor changing so suddenly it was like she shifted from fifth gear to reverse.

I saw the panic taking hold in her eyes and acted quickly to fix the situation. "Alice, I'm kidding. Monday, I was trying to delay the inevitable. I'm not upset with you," I responded allowing the twinkle in my eye to show and bending over slightly to look directly into her eyes, to ensure she got my full meaning.

"Well, what are _we_ going to do with the rest of our night?" she asked, her eyes bright again.

For once, I kept my expression completely apathetic, while the butterflies of excitement rose in my belly. "_We_ aren't going to do anything. I need to get home and get some work done for the rest of my week. I have some grading to do, as well as planning for next week," I answered her, as I started packing up the remainder of my books and notes.

That famous pout was on her face in less that a second. "_Bella,_ you have got to be kidding me. You get a free night and you're going to waste it working? Now where is the fun in that?" she hissed softly, obviously unhappy with my response.

"I have two jobs, Alice, with plenty of other responsibilities. I have to keep up on my work so I don't get behind," I retorted, even though I knew I never had enough to keep myself as busy as I wanted. I was pretty sure they knew it too, but I had to maintain my control of this situation. It was those longs nights where I was sometimes so desperate for anything to do that I wasn't willing to discuss. The loneliness was at times, completely unbearable, but I couldn't let them know that. Some things were better left unsaid.

"Bella," she began with a distinct whine in her voice, "this is ridiculous. How will I ever catch up with you if you're always working?"

I planted a grin on my face, hoping to mollify her. "Alice, I promised you that we would spend some time together and I'll keep that promise, but tonight I have to get some work done. The start of the school year is always busy for me," I lied, "and it will be easier if I can get some work done ahead of schedule."

"But, it's early. Can't I just have a _few_ hours? Please?" she begged, which she knew would work on me.

_I really need to invest in a new backbone. _"Fine. A _couple_ of hours and then I have to get some work done. Ok?" I asked, trying to sound annoyed or condescending, but ended up sounding placating at best.

Edward took a step toward me, placing his hands on my desk, while his gaze bore right into my eyes. "Well then Bella, _I_ will pose Alice's question to you again. What exactly are _we_ going to do with our evening?" he asked me with his crooked smile perfectly in place.

_What was my name again? I can't think when he looks at me like that. Look away…. Look away…_


	32. Chapter 31: Impromptu Plans

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Chapter 30: Impromptu Plans

"Um," was all I could utter. I had no idea that when I'd caved into Alice's demand for time this evening that it would include all of them. Especially Edward.

"Well?" Alice spoke then, the sound of impatience starting to register in her voice.

"I don't know. I'm not…" my voice trailed off.

"Alice, we're making Bella uncomfortable. Esme will have our collective hides if she finds out," Jasper responded, looking at his wife.

"Sorry Bella. I just think it would be such a waste to lose this evening," she started, before an inspired look spread across her tiny features. "I have the best idea, Bella. Can we see your home? I heard you mention to Edward that you have a house of your own. May we see it? Please?" This time she asked permission, her eyes pleading, I'm sure hoping that it would exponentially increase their chances of me giving in.

Alarmed, I answered her. "Alice, why would you want to see the house? It's nothing special."

She put a reassuring hand on my arm. "Because Bella, it's yours. I want to find out about everything that I've missed out on over the past ten years. I just want to see where you live. Weren't you eventually going to show me anyway?" she questioned.

"Well, I never really thought about it. I mean, I do have people over, but it's not very often. I just didn't think that you…well any of you would be interested in seeing it."

All three of them grew very quiet.

With his eyebrows cocked a bit, Edward asked, "When exactly do you have _guests_ over?"

I knew from his expression what he was getting at. You keep the human world at arms length when you live this double life. You don't get them involved. You live separately and only intermingle when necessary. When Edward and I had been together, I knew it had been unusual for me to visit his home being that I was a living, breathing human walking into a house full of vampires.

"Well, the world of teaching and academia is, unfortunately, very social. I have to, from time to time, entertain and have colleagues over. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, I have to keep up the charade. Otherwise, I might stir up suspicion," I sighed, "even more than I'm sure I already do."

I knew that people came to my home to see where the workaholic lived, the odd girl that kept to herself, not because they craved my company. They, too, were keeping up appearances.

All three of them looked at me eagerly, waiting for me to give the final verdict on our plans for the evening. I could feel Alice's anticipation rolling off her in waves, and did exactly what I knew I would from the beginning. I wanted to keep her happy. She was my friend and I would never want her to be disappointed.

_A friend…I never thought I would have another friend. I never thought I would have this friend again…_

"Alright. We can go over to the house. But, don't be disappointed when you get there. It's nothing like the mansions that you and your family are used to living in. But, it's mine."

With that, I worked quickly to lock up the small classroom and gather my things. Before I could grab my bag, Edward had beaten me to it. He walked back to his seat, to retrieve his things as well and I voiced that I was ready to leave.

"Edward, I can get my bag. It's not like its heavy…" I began.

"I've got it. Alice, maybe you should ride with Bella and Jasper can ride with me. Of course, as long as that is acceptable to you, Bella," he said.

I knew that he was looking at me, but I glanced in the direction of Alice, who I could easily see was fighting the urge to scoop me up in her arms and run off with me to the car. _Would they ever realize that I could scoop them up and run just as fast?_

"Oh Bella, may I? To have you all to myself for a bit?" she asked, her topaz eyes alive with excitement. _It took me a moment to refocus and realize that my thoughts weren't what she was asking about._

"Of course. That is, if Jasper can do without you for the drive," I teased, her mood infectious.

Jasper stepped forward and kissed Alice gently on the forehead, before he addressed me. "I can spare her for a bit. I'll ride with Edward and we'll follow you over."

They all filed into the hall and I followed them, pulling the heavy steel door shut behind me. We all walked together, barely speaking. Other classes were still in session and I was pleased that each of the Cullens was following my ground rules. So far, they were making my life so much easier.

We left the building and made our way to our respective cars. Alice was jovial, so happy to be on our way to what she believed would be a fun evening; I wasn't sure that I shared her mood. Why I hadn't stuck with my original plan to spend an evening alone, just me and my thoughts? But I knew that leaving me alone with my own thoughts wasn't a great idea, and before I could escape too deeply in to my own feelings, we had stepped outside, ready to split up and take our respective vehicles.

"_Beth, _where are you parked?" Alice teased while she asked me.

"I'm in the same faculty lot I was in Monday night, just around the corner," I answered her. I motioned in the direction of where we were heading, while Edward and Jasper left in the opposite route to retrieve their car.

We got in the vehicle before Alice spoke again. "Thank you," she started, her voice bright but low.

"Thank you for what?"

"Thank you for forgiving all of us so quickly and allowing me access to you and your life again. I've missed you so much and knowing that I have you back after all this time has made my life even happier. Jasper says he hasn't sensed me feeling this light in years," she explained.

"Well, I have to admit, I'm thrilled to have you back as well. But, Alice, I'm uneasy about all this."

"About what?" she replied.

"You might be thrilled, but I'm concerned that you might be the only one. Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve, like you do. I have no idea how the rest of the family feels, and I don't want to intrude in any of your lives," I countered.

"Bella, _everyone _is delighted that you're back. You have to realize that. Even Rosalie – you could have knocked me over with a feather Monday night when she hugged you. But, you two seem to have something in common now. It's amazing how just 10 short years can change some things so drastically," she said.

_Ten short years? _The first part of that might have been true, but the last three had been terribly long. I had wandered for the first year, hunting Victoria, not sure what I would do when I found her and then when the threat had been contained, I had led this lonely, pathetic existence.

_Drastic? _That part was true. My life no longer resembled anything that it had been, back in La Push. But I had to keep going, keep trying to make something out of the mess that had happened. I had accomplished some things. I was working and hopefully, making a difference in the lives of my students. I was putting things together for Grace, though that was about it. Other than that, I was just pushing through the days, looking for a break in the monotony…hoping for some relief from the loneliness. Was this the miracle I had prayed for?

And, then, one night everything changed. It was ironic, having the Cullens in my life again – painful and exhilarating at the same time. All because of one person – Edward.

"Bella?" I could hear Alice trying to regain my attention.

"Sorry, Alice, but I'm not sure that I can believe you when you say _everyone _is thrilled with my reappearance in your lives. The whole thing with Rosalie aside, I can't believe that…" and I couldn't believe that I was about to say this aloud, "Edward is happy to be constantly thrown into the same circle as me. It's unusual for exes to mix…and our history isn't exactly easy to rectify." Anxiety struck as I put a voice to my fear.

"Bella, I think that Edward feels terrible about how things ended. I know that he wants to talk to you about that, so he can clear some things up and you two can start…new."

_Is she saying what I think she's saying? _"New? What do you mean, new?" I questioned, before I realized that the Volvo had pulled up next to the barrier that housed the staff parking lot, where we were waiting. _Oh dear, had he heard any of that? Would he see it in her mind?_

Alice stopped suddenly and for a moment I felt like my fears had been confirmed until I looked to my left to see that Jasper was motioning for me to pull out so they could follow. I complied and steered my car out of the parking lot, starting my familiar journey back to the house.

I realized, for the first time that evening, how nervous I really was. I thought back to how I had left my home this morning. Was everything tidy? Was the trash taken out? I knew that my house was neat as a pin, as I kept up with everything that needed to be done which kept me busy to some extent. But, I was anxiously thinking to myself – _what am I thinking? Taking them to my house? Was I glutton for punishment? And when we get there, then what? What are we supposed to do then?_

"Bella? What's wrong with you?" Alice asked, a touch of concern in her voice.

"Nothing. I'm just wondering what to do with you all when we get to the house. It's not like this was planned or anything," I said, my voice betraying me with the anxiety that was beginning to mount.

"Bella, we just want to see where you live. Don't worry about entertaining us. I'm sure we'll find something to do. Loosen up a little, will you?" she teased.

_Loosen up? Easy for you to say…you're not about to spend the evening with your ex…a man that you still happen to be in love with._

We continued to talk easily during the trip to my house. I'm sure that Edward was growing impatient with my slow speed, but I couldn't confirm that thought as I wouldn't dare allow myself anything more than a passing glance in the rearview mirror.

"Bella, when can we start planning your little party? I was thinking that Saturdays or Sundays would be great for us to get together, either at your place or ours to work out all the important details. Plus, we need to meet with the caterers and the band, work out floral arrangements…" she continued, before I interrupted her.

"Alice, I'll call the University House tomorrow and get a date, and then you and I can start planning in earnest. I promise I won't leave you out of anything. How does that sound?" I asked, giving her a knowing smile.

"Thank you." She looked so happy for a minute that I thought she might burst again.

"Again with thank you…what's this one for?" I asked, as a chuckle escaped my lips.

"For being my friend. I can't even begin to tell you how much I missed you…how much everyone missed you. It's truly a second chance and I'm not going to waste it."

And with that, we exited the highway, getting closer to my house by the minute. I instinctively increased the car's speed, anticipating getting to the house that much faster. I never saw the poor thing coming, but Alice did, though with her eyes or in her mind, I didn't know at that moment.

"Bella, look out…" she spoke abruptly, her voice higher and louder than usual.

A large buck had run into the path of my car and I hit the brakes as quickly as I could, but it was already too late. My brake pads whined loudly and the water left from the rain on the road made my wheels spin, which made it impossible to stop as the car started to veer to the right. The deer made impact with the front end of the car and the entire vehicle shook violently when the poor animal rolled up the hood and into the windshield. The glass shattered, sending shards of it everywhere. Alice and I were covered in the debris.

I was finally able to bring my sedan to a complete stop, putting it in park, only to realize that both Edward and Jasper were on either side of the car. Jasper opened Alice's door, a bit less than calm, pulling her out quickly. Edward, on the other hand, had a completely different approach.

He grabbed the frame of my door, ripping it completely off the hinges, the steel causing an ear-piercing wail as it disconnected from the body of the vehicle. He threw the now mangled piece of metal far from the wreckage of my, now totaled, automobile, before he grabbed me gently around the waist, pulling me from the wreckage. He seemed to check my appearance for any type of visible damage, before taking my face gently between his hands. The look in his eyes was frantic. To say I was shocked was an understatement.

"Bella, are you hurt?" Edward murmured to me. His face was mere inches from mine. He was close enough to kiss me. _Don't let your thoughts go there! Stop looking at his lips! Nope! Eyes aren't a good choice either!_

I was completely swept away by his response. He was holding me, tightly against his chest, looking completely distraught over what had happened and I wanted nothing more at that moment than to kiss him…_really kiss him_. My thoughts wandered into dangerous territory as I thought to myself, "_Edward_, _please kiss me…"_, as I'm sure my eyes betrayed how desperate I was to feel his lips on mine.

"Edward, I…" I couldn't respond. I was completely lost in his eyes, melting at his touch. I had forgotten how to complete a simple sentence, while my body involuntarily moved closer to his, and still felt unable to ever be close enough. I knew I hadn't died but I thought I must be in heaven…for this was the only way I could imagine paradise.

His eyes looked frantic and pained, as if he would come apart at any moment. "Bella, I saw the deer coming and knew that you couldn't stop in time. Are you alright?" he asked, this time, desperation clouding his perfect velvety voice, as his hand came up and cupped my face, his thumb gently brushing against my cheek, which spent spasms of delight throughout my body.

Being held by Edward, my breath was coming in short gasps and all I could focus on was the feel of his hand around my waist, as he continued to stroke my cheek and pulled me even more tightly against his body, his face so close to me that I allowed myself to bathe in his sweet breath. I was ready. Ready for him to kiss me and knowing if he did, I would return it.

It was then that we heard it. I reluctantly, yet involuntarily, turned my head from Edward's hold to see where the noise had come from. The deer, which I assumed to be dead, whined in pain. Its twisted legs tried hopelessly to free itself from the now gaping windshield, its torso torn and bloodied. I flinched from the sight of it, before Jasper stepped forward, quickly and effortlessly snapping its neck, putting an end to its misery.

As my gazed lingered on the buck, I saw the damage to my car. I murmured, "The deer I can explain to the police officer and my insurance company. The door ripped off its hinges is another matter entirely."

"Edward, she's right. She can't possibly report this," Jasper spoke, his gaze returning to Alice, while he gently brushed glass from her face.

"I'm sorry Bella. You shouldn't have had to see that," his long fingers gestured toward the now dead deer, "and I'm also infinitely sorry about your car. There's got to be something that we can do," Edward added before exchanging a look with Alice, which I was beginning to quickly relearn was a sign that they were communicating silently.

Edward smiled at me apologetically before continuing, "I could just buy you a new one?" he questioned, his tone betraying him as hopeful but unsure. I flashed back in my mind to a happier time in the red truck…he was teasing me about how ancient and slow it was…

"_No._"

Sensing my obstinate streak, Edward retrieved his cell phone from his pants pocket, flipping it open, while he searched through numbers, before selecting one and pressing the _"send"_ button. He walked a ways from the car, talking quickly and quietly into the receiver, his free hand running wildly through his beautifully messed hair. I was too disjointed to concentrate on what he was saying.

I forced my gaze from him to assess my friend. "I'm sorry, Alice. Are you alright? I mean, I know you're ok, but I have to ask." My level of stress was out of control. "How could I not see it?" I asked lamely.

"Bella, it's fine. I'm alright, just a bit jostled and being covered in glass is not a pleasant experience. But I'm no worse for the wear," she responded, a smile playing across her face. Jasper hugged her even tighter to him.

Edward rejoined us before he spoke. "Emmett and Rosalie are on their way. Bella, _I_ will take care of this. I can't begin to tell you how dense I feel for overreacting. Can you forgive me?" His tone was somber, while his face looked like one of my students who had just been caught stealing candy from my desk.

"I can, if you tell me why you reacted like that," I responded, becoming annoyed with the situation in front of me.

He stood there silently, the look in his eyes one of complete surprise mingled with apprehension, until finally resignation set in, his shoulders slumping. I continued to stare him down, until he finally spoke.

"I forgot for just a moment that you were no longer fragile, no longer _human_. That it would take a tremendous amount more than a simple auto accident," he waved his hand at the bent piece of metal that was formerly my car, "to hurt you now. I was just so worried that something happened to you…as well as concern for Alice. I hope you understand."

_No_, I didn't understand, but I decided it was easier to stop trying to comprehend Edward's actions, especially since I knew, deep in my heart that it didn't matter. Tempered with the fact that I was too concerned about how I was going to fix my car without being able to submit the costs to my insurance, I was growing anxious and irritable. I no longer had the luxury of using the conventional, human way of taking care of things.

A few minutes passed before Emmett and Rosalie pulled up. A huge, glossy black Hummer, with dark, tinted windows and plenty of chrome accents pulled up behind Edward's Volvo. Both Emmett and Rosalie jumped out of the front seats, coming to inspect the damage to my car.

"Edward, there wasn't enough damage already and you had to go and rip the door off?" Rosalie quipped at her brother, her keen eyes taking in every detail.

"Hey Rose, look at the front. Bella, how could you miss seeing that deer? And what a shame to hit something that large and not take the opportunity to snack on it," Emmett laughed.

I winced, my fingers rubbing the crease between my eyes as I grimaced. Edward, Alice and Jasper gave their brother a disapproving look, which effectively wiped the smile off Emmett's handsome face.

It was then that I started to smell the blood of the animal. I fought to maintain control, again blocking the smell of the huge beast that was still lodged in the front end of my car, as my hand instinctively rose in front of my nose in an effort to block the stench. My mind was still spinning on how to fix this situation, when Rosalie spoke.

"Well, fortunately, it's fixable. But, Edward, you're paying for all this. Plus, you get to help me sand it down before I repaint it. All that dust in my hair…no, you definitely get to help with that," she continued, before I realized that I had no idea what they were talking about.

"Sand what? Rosalie, I don't understand," I asked her, the confusion and stress starting to tear at the last remnants of my patience.

"Bella, Emmett and I will tow your car to our house. There's no way that you can submit this to your insurance. The deer is one thing, but the missing door…_good going, Edward_. Plus, I don't think there's a body shop in the area that can fix this as well as I can. But due to the massive amount of damage, it will take a few days. Emmett and I will order the parts we can tonight and get started. Your car will be as good as new, better than new, actually, by next week. Besides, I love having a new project and I haven't a challenge this interesting in a long time," she continued, before I gently interrupted.

"Rosalie, I appreciate it, but this isn't your problem. I can pay to have it fixed by the local body shop. I'll just take it out of my savings. Really, it's no problem," I started, before Edward interrupted, exasperation tight in his voice.

"Bella, I said I would take care of this. If I hadn't gotten so carried away, you could have used your policy to pay for it. It's the absolute least I can do, given the circumstances. It will give Rosalie and I a chance to bond over cars again, right Rose?" he questioned teasingly, looking at the beautiful blonde vampire, who was still looking at the wreckage.

"Sure," she answered absentmindedly, her delicate hands tracing the damage where the door _used_ to be. She shook her head, obviously annoyed with her brother's impetuous actions.

"At least let me pay for the parts and whatever else you may need," I started before I saw the frustrated look on Edward's face.

"_No_."

That was all he said, though the sound of annoyance was a dead give away as to what he was feeling at that point. He wanted to fix this problem, but could I let him?

I looked from Edward to Rosalie and back again. It took another moment for it to set in. Rosalie would repair _my_ car? _Could this week get any stranger?_

Before I knew what was happening, Emmett had pulled his truck around to the front of my car, hooking it to the back of his giant truck, readying it for its trip back to the Cullen's home. Jasper disposed of the carcass, while Edward retrieved the mangled door from further up the road. The whole thing took mere seconds and I sat there, unsure of what to do or how to help. Alice appeared next to me, my belongings in her hand before she started to lead me toward the Volvo.

"We'll drive you home, Bella. Emmett and Rosalie will take your car back to our house. Oh…" she started, the look on her face one of unease.

"What is it, Alice?"

She frowned. "You won't have a car for work tomorrow."

I smiled back at her, trying to be reassuring. "That's alright. I'll rent one before work tomorrow. No problem," I said with a forced smile.

With that, we arrived at the Volvo. Edward had opened the trunk, while Alice put our belongings inside. Jasper reached in and grabbed a shirt from an unseen bag quickly changing his clothing as the original article was bloodied from the deer. He then rapidly hopped into the backseat with Alice close behind him. He pulled her closer to him, whispering in her ear. _Could they be anymore obvious? _Edward stepped closer to me, opening the car door, but I stepped away from him. I needed to speak to Rosalie first.

"Hey, Rosalie," I started tentatively.

She looked up at me, her beautiful face breaking its concentration. "Yes?" she answered, her response a question, her voice sweet and patient.

_Very un-Rosalie… _"Thank you," I responded.

She stepped away from where Emmett was maneuvering some type of cable checking to ensure that my car was securely attached to his. She embraced me again, gently, until she pulled away and looked directly into my eyes.

"Bella, you're welcome. I should be thanking you for letting me help you with this. It's the least I can do," she said, looking a bit embarrassed again. "Now go. My brothers and Alice will make sure that you get home tonight without anymore drama. Your car is safe with me." She smiled, as she gently pushed me toward the waiting Volvo.

I returned her smile and caught Emmett waving a hasty goodbye in my direction. I turned back to see Edward patiently waiting by the passenger door to help me in. He secured my seatbelt after I was seated and winked at me.

I rolled my eyes back at him before settling in for the very short drive to my house. I directed him the rest of the way and when we finally turned onto the dirt road that led to my residence, I could see Alice bouncing up and down in my peripheral vision, barely able to contain herself. I finally began to relax. After the night we had already had, things couldn't get any more complicated, could they?

Edward's POV:

Knowing that Bella was buckled in safely next to me in the Volvo, I allowed myself to relax, assuring myself that she was all right. Seeing that deer run out in front of her vehicle, hearing Alice's voice warning Bella to look out and knowing that I could do nothing to stop it made time stand still for me. After having her back for such a short time, the idea of losing her again so quickly made my head spin. I just wanted her in my arms. The need to hold her, protect her welled up in me ferociously.

Having forgotten, yet again, that she was no longer a fragile, tender human, my hand was on the handle of my car door in my desperate attempt to save her, as Jasper hopped from his seat to the driver's side to safely maneuver the Volvo to the safety of the shoulder of the dirt road, in my frantic attempt to get to her in time. It wasn't even a conscious thought. I had a primal need to get to her.

Seeing her sedan finally stop, and hearing the gear shift gently glided into _park_, my nerves calmed themselves a little, but sensing that they were still trapped in the vehicle, I rushed to the side of the car, frantic to free Bella from the wreckage. I paused, unrealistically afraid of the worst.

Jasper was out of the car by this time and was rapidly approaching Alice's side of the vehicle. I could hear his thoughts seesaw between knowing she was okay and the overwhelming feeling of his desire to hold her in his arms to reassure himself that she was indeed unharmed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to steady my nerves before I could allow myself to assess the damage.

Jasper pulled the car door open and gently tugged Alice from the vehicle, holding her to him, and their thoughts mingled in the same fashion – each was grateful for the other, as Jasper started to whisper in her ear how much he loved her and Alice responded by crowding even closer to her mate, unable to be close enough to her husband.

I opened my eyes and looked down through the cracked driver's side window to see Bella looking up at me, with a facial expression that was a mixture of distress and confusion. That was it. My control was gone. That look from my love took my brain captive and I couldn't stop myself from freeing her of the wreckage.

Without thinking, my hands found their way to the door of her car and I recklessly tore the barrier off the side of the vehicle, to rid myself of its hindrance. As gently as I could, I encircled Bella's tiny waist and pulled her from the car, as I anxiously tried to reassure myself that she was unhurt. At the same time, my mind made contingency plans to rush her to the nearest hospital to attend to her injuries if need be.

When my hands gingerly held her marble face instead of soft, broken skin, my mind tried to come back to reason. I was torn between recognizing that she most likely was just stunned at what happened instead of actually hurt and the deep longing I felt to take her in my arms and never let her go.

I asked her if she was hurt, her eyes meeting mine, a mingle of that same bewilderment and suffering still evident, and my body instinctively moved closer to her, as she didn't answer right away. Even if it was my imagination playing tricks on my mind, I felt the unmistakable movement of Bella's body moving closer to mine and my spirit soared, as I brought her even closer to my chest, as if my closer proximity could protect her forever.

I pulled her closer to me, to assure myself that she was safe and in my embrace. My mind fought for control in opposition to my heart, as it told me that she wasn't mine to hold, but she was here and seemed receptive to my touch and at that moment, nothing else mattered to me.

My face was barely an inch from hers and again, even if it was my imagination, I could see those beautiful, yet still unfamiliar, topaz eyes of hers willing me to kiss her. And oh how I wanted to…the moment was there, she was safe in my arms and I was tired of waiting. Tired of being patient. Tired of being that damn perfect gentleman. I wanted nothing more than to mark her as _mine _and now.

To kiss her after a decade would be the sweetest feeling imaginable and I cared not that Alice and Jasper were there. I didn't care that we weren't alone and that privacy was unavailable to us.

I found my head unable to control my heart as I leaned in to make her mine once more, my hand cupping her delicate face, while my thumb stroked what I hoped was a reassuring caress. I leaned in, ready to take a chance that could start our new beginning. My excitement mounted, as memories flooded back, telling me how wonderful that first kiss would be – I could almost feel her full lips on mine, hoping to taste her sweet mouth and breath…until…

I heard a sound, something unrecognizable that began to seep into my consciousness and I could see that Bella was registering it as well, as her head ripped itself from my grasp, her strength a complete surprise to me. When I comprehended that she had pulled away from my hold, realizing the moment was gone, only one thought came to me…

_Stupid half-dead animal…I should have snapped its neck first._


	33. Chapter 32: Worlds Collide

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: I apologize for not getting to reviews faster. I was slightly injured at work on Friday, but I'm fine now...and finally catching up! Really! Thanks also for the encouragement of each and every one of you and to my fabulous beta...she knows who she really is!_

Chapter 31: Worlds Collide

Edward drove the Volvo, making easy conversation for the last few minutes as we drove toward my house. We made the last turn into my driveway, and I audibly groaned when I saw what was waiting for me.

Alice addressed my mood first. "Bella, what's wrong?"

Jasper quickly added, "And who is that?"

Parked in my driveway, waiting impatiently outside his car was my boss, Gerry Goodwin. He saw the Volvo approach and the look of confusion was evident on his face. His eyes made contact with mine and I could see the ugly strains of jealousy creeping into his expression, as his mouth tightened into a thin line.

_Of all nights for him to come here…_I spoke quickly and softly, "_That_ is my boss from the elementary school. I'll get rid of him as quickly as possible. Just let me do the talking."

Edward pulled the car to a complete stop and hopped out, striding to my side of the vehicle. He opened the door and offered his hand to help me out, which although unnecessary, was endearing.

It was then that I caught the look on Gerry's face and realized how completely wrong Gerry would take this simple act of chivalry. Gerry's face was one of unmasked hatred. I could see in his eyes that he was misinterpreting Edward's actions, assuming there was some kind of romantic relationship between us.

Though I could have cared less what he thought of my personal relationships, I didn't need Gerry making trouble for me at work.

_This is not going to be pretty…_

We all exited the car by that point as Gerry approached us. He was doing his best to maintain a calm expression, but was failing miserably. He looked like he was doing a bad Clint Eastwood swagger. If it wasn't so pathetic, I might be tempted to laugh. In all the times he had come to "visit", I had been alone. Now, here I was, with three companions, one of which was still holding my hand, and that upset him. I could see the wheels turning under his thinning, gel-slicked hair covered head as he tried to make sense of the situation.

"Gerry," I greeted him, trying to sound professional, but not overtly friendly.

"Hey, Beth. Who are your _friends_?" he sneered, his tone dark and unfriendly.

_Oh cripe, what am I supposed to say? _But before I could, my companions, or rather _one_ of them, did exactly what I had asked them not to.

"Edward Cullen. And this is my sister, Alice and brother, Jasper," his tone just as unfriendly, as he held out a hand in greeting.

Gerry took his hand and I could see him wince, as Edward gripped it just a bit too tightly. _Stupid male testosterone induced competitive…_

Jasper shook hands with Gerry as well, though he didn't say a word. At least someone had listened to me. I sensed the need to move things along and get rid of my boss before something even more unpleasant happened. "What brings you here, Gerry? Did I forget something at work?"

"No, Beth. I was just wondering if you'd had dinner yet. I forgot you had evening classes. I didn't expect you to have _company_."

Still holding my hand, Edward pulled me somewhat behind him, shifting his position so that he was almost directly in front of me. "She _already _ate," Edward's tone was almost menacing, though his face betrayed nothing.

I moved slightly to the side, as Edward had completely obscured my view of Gerry. "He's right. I had a bite earlier this afternoon with my friends," I lied. "These are the same friends that sent me that floral arrangement yesterday. You remember, right?" I replied, desperate to diffuse the situation.

He ignored my comments as he looked around, and suddenly, it was like a light came on in Gerry's head. "Beth, where's your car?"

_Of all times for him to be observant, he would have to choose this one._ "Well…" I began, before Edward interrupted me again.

"We were following _Elizabeth_ home when she hit a deer. We had the car towed and brought her back to the house." Again, the tone was almost dangerous, but his face was as smooth as stone.

_What the heck is he doing? __What the heck is Gerry thinking to provoke him like this? _

"Are you ok, Beth? Do you need to go to the hospital? _I_ could take you," Gerry offered, as he stepped closer to me, his eyes checking me for any signs of injury, though his gaze lingered in places it shouldn't have.

I felt Edward stiffen next to me, as he drew in a sharp breath, the beginnings of a growl deep in his chest.

"I'm fine. Just some glass was broken. But thank you…" I assured him, before hissing at Edward, _"Stop it," _just loud enough for him to hear.

Alice glanced at her brother, and you could see her tiny hand reach toward his back, out of Gerry's line of sight. He never broke eye contact with Gerry, but whatever she said to him with her thoughts seemed to do the trick.

Edward let out that same breath before he offered, obviously annoyed, "We'll have Carlisle check you out, just to be sure."

_Why on earth would I need to have Carlisle check me? Nothing is wrong with me. Surely Edward must understand that by now!_

"Who is Carlisle?" Gerry questioned, not willing to give up.

I managed a small smile, before I continued. "Carlisle is Edward's father. He's a doctor at the hospital. It's good to have connections," I answered, trying desperately to keep the mood light.

Gerry's face tightened before he responded, "Beth, are you sure? I think you should go right now. Come on, I'll take you, and we'll get this straightened out," he began, as he walked toward the passenger side of his car, opening the door for me.

It was then that I felt it…a tremendous surge of…_fear? Anxiety? _My insides felt twisted as my hand flew to my stomach, and had I still been human, I would have felt that I was about to be sick.

Gerry's face twisted as he began to double over. The look on his face was one of confusion and discomfort, as well as panic. He closed the door, and came back to face me.

With his face flushed and a bead of sweat breaking out across his forehead, he spoke, his words barely above a whisper, as he took in several small breaths trying to maintain control, "Suddenly Beth, I'm not feeling too well myself. If this Carlisle is going to check you out, I'll just go. I take it that you won't be at work in the morning?" he said, sounded inconvenienced.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him. "I'm planning to be there. This was just a minor accident," I explained.

Gerry turned to look at Edward, not even trying to hide his sneer. "I expect you to take good care of _my_" as he struggled to describe my non-existent relationship with him, "…_colleague._ Make sure that she does indeed get seen by a doctor."

"_I_ will see to it. She'll be well cared for. I do hope that you find yourself feeling better," Edward finished, a small, smug smile appearing on his mouth.

With that, Gerry said goodnight and hopped into his car, taking off almost too quickly. He came close to destroying my mailbox as he sped away, his car whipping up one heck of a dust trail behind him as his engine strained with the amount of speed he was trying to gather.

When he was safely out of sight, I turned to my three companions. Alice and Jasper were unsuccessfully trying to stifle giggles so I started with Edward first. "What the hell are you doing? That's my boss. I can handle him myself; just like I said I could in the car. Can't you listen to me just once? Must you always do things without thinking?"

He took a step toward me, his body tight and obviously stressed. "Bella, you have _no_ idea what his thoughts are in regards to you…" Edward responded loudly, his eyes darkening, while his jaw tightened.

I took a step toward him, not willing to back down. "Edward, I don't need your gift to know _exactly_ what that man's thoughts are in regards to me. I'm not an idiot. He's tried everything to get close to me, but he's no threat. You have got to start understanding that I can take care of myself now," I responded, this time the agitation in my voice beginning to show through. For some reason this just seemed to fuel the giggles between Alice and Jasper. I could have sworn Jasper said Emmett would regret missing this, but as I was currently focused on giving Edward a piece of my mind, I let it go.

After the giggling slowed, Jasper's calming voice and gift called to us, as he spoke. "Bella, Edward's right. That man intends nothing but harm to you. I may not be able to read his thoughts, but the emotions of….well, lust and possessiveness toward you is a bit unnerving. How often does he just show up at your home?" he asked, while three sets of eyes looked at me for a response.

_Great_. I truly didn't want to get into this, and now, I didn't seem to have a choice. "He comes by once in a while. Most of my interactions with him are at work only. I can take care of myself. It's not like he's stronger or faster or, God forbid, _smarter_ than me. He's an annoyance, but I need my job. These little interruptions are just part of the game. Can we just leave it at that?"

Edward sighed, annoyed, before Alice spoke for the first time. "Bella's right. She can handle herself. It's not right of us to come in and force our opinions on her. She'll be fine, right Bella?" She looked at me for confirmation.

"Thank you, Alice." _Finally…someone with some common sense. _I turned to look at Jasper before I addressed him directly. "Did you _frighten _him just now? Was that _fear_ coming from you?"

Jasper looked at me sheepishly, before he nodded. "I felt the need to do something to get him out of here. If he kept insisting on taking you to the hospital, I'm not sure that any amount of convincing could keep the medical staff from pronouncing you dead when they put a heart monitor on you, only to hear nothing. He seemed like the type to scare easily," he explained.

I laughed out loud, finally feeling the stress start to melt away. "He is a bit of a weasel, I'll give you that. And you got rid of him, so thank you." I continued to laugh before adding, "The look on his face was priceless!"

By then everyone was laughing. Even Edward, whose expression started to finally relax.

"Well, we're here. Did you still want to go inside?" I asked them, motioning toward my house.

Alice was more than eager. Without a word, she rushed ahead of all of us, as she ran to the front door, at barely more than a human pace, in case anyone was looking. She looked back at us her grin wide and her hands waving at us wildly demanding that we hurry up. I laughed at the sight of her. Obviously she had more than recovered from the car accident.

Edward and Jasper followed behind me, as I led the way to the entrance of my house. I retrieved my keys and unlocked the door, opening it as I stood back and Alice raced in. I motioned for her brothers to join her before I entered myself, shutting the door behind me. I found my eyes searching out Edward's first reaction, curious as to what he would think. _Why was I worried about what he thought?_

"Bella, it's charming!" Alice exclaimed, her eyes full of wonder as she took in the first floor. I couldn't help but smile back at her as she took in my residence.

"Well, it's small, but it's mine. Would you like the grand tour now?" I teased, smiling back at my tiny friend.

She continued to look around, and answered without looking at me. "Oh, yes. Please." Her enthusiasm was contagious, as she bounced back and forth, barely making contact with the hardwood floors.

I set down my purse, when glass poured from my sleeve.

"Oh, shoot. I really need to change my clothes. Alice, would you like me to lend you something to change into?"

"Well, I actually have a change of clothes in the trunk of Edward's car. I could go and retrieve them. What I really need is a shower to rinse this glass off. Would you mind?" she questioned.

"No, of course not. I have a guest bathroom upstairs. It's not fancy like yours, but it should do the trick," I responded.

"Alice, I'll get your clothing. Bella, maybe you would like to take a shower as well, and then we can continue with our evening," Jasper suggested.

I could feel the glass all over my person. A shower is exactly what I wanted and, having been given the opportunity, I would take it.

"Edward, do you mind if we leave you and Jasper alone for a few minutes, while Alice and I clean up? I shouldn't be long, though I can't speak for Alice," I teased, while I looked in her direction.

His eyes fixed on mine, Edward responded, "Bella, take all the time you need. Time is something I have plenty of." _There goes that look on his face again. Breathe, Bella. __I think this is going to need to be a cold shower._

"Well, relax. Help yourself to the stereo and anything else. I'll just be a few minutes, and then we can continue that tour." I replied trying to keep my voice calm and my eyes clear of the emotion I did not want him to see in them.

I led the way up the stairs to the second floor, where I showed Alice to the guest bathroom. I retrieved fresh towels for her and showed her where to find the shampoo and all the other necessities. I heard the front door open downstairs and realized that Jasper must have left to retrieve Alice's bag.

"I'll be right next door, Alice, if you need me." She nodded and I left the guest bath, shutting the door behind me.

I glanced down the stairs to see Edward looking around, gently circling the living room, with a look of wonder on his face. He would gently touch furniture, glancing at the few books I had assembled on the coffee table, before finding his way to the assortment of CD's I had neatly organized on a small shelf attached to the wall. He touched each case while he read what they contained before selecting one, and slipping it into the modest stereo I'd purchased a while back.

He looked so comfortable and at ease in my house, much more than I ever felt. The tug of glass down the front of my blouse brought me back to reality and I hurried toward the other bathroom, eager for that shower.

I entered my master suite, walking toward my closet, looking for something casual to slip into. Jeans and a light green sweater would work. I closed the door behind me, as I stepped into the small bathroom that was attached to my unused bedroom. I turned on the shower, before I shed my clothes, the light sound of the shards dropping against the ceramic tiles as more glass found its way to the floor. I'd have to clean that up later.

I showered quickly, washing my hair and rinsing every inch of my body in the cold water, until I was certain that the glass was gone. I let the cool water flow over me as I tried to extinguish the feelings inside. I jumped out, and hurried to comb my hair, putting the wet mess into a pony tail and dressed, so that I no longer left my guests unattended. I quickly swept up the glass, threw my dirty clothes into the hamper and tidied the bathroom, before I returned to the first floor. Edward was there alone.

He smiled at me brightly as I descended the stairs. "Feeling better?" he questioned.

"Much, thank you. I take it Alice is still showering?" I responded.

"Yes, Jasper is up there with her now," he answered with a suggestive look in his golden eyes, when I heard a giggle coming from the very bathroom I had left her in.

"Oh, _Jazz,"_ I heard Alice's flirty voice drift to me from the upstairs bath.

I looked to Edward, my eyes wide with horror. "He's up there, _with her_?" I asked, my voice betraying my sudden uneasiness with the situation going on in _my _guest bathroom.

"Yes. They are married, you know," Edward countered, his smile a bit wicked.

"I know. I just wasn't expecting…never mind. Did you make yourself comfortable while I was gone?" He turned to look right into my eyes with that dazzling smile that had always made my knees go week. _Great, now I need another cold shower._

"I have a feeling that anyone who steps into your home is comfortable, Bella. This whole house just feels like you."

I smiled at him, not sure what to say next. The shower shut off, and there was more giggling, before more silence that made me uncomfortable. I could take no more. I turned to Edward before I spoke, "Would you liked to step outside to give your siblings some time alone?" I asked, biting on my lower lip to in an attempt to hide my obvious embarrassment. The feelings of longing were getting to be too much. I had to get away from the sounds coming out of that bathroom before I did something stupid.

"That would be lovely. Lead the way," he answered softly.

I led the way through the house, to the kitchen, where I unlocked the back door and stepped out into the warm evening air. Edward was right behind me and closed the door behind us. I turned to face him when I realized how close he was to me.

He made no attempt to move away from me, he obviously enjoyed being in my personal space. He looked comfortable…_almost too comfortable_.

I wish I could have said the same thing, but my entire body was quickly ascending into panic mode. I turned away from him to continue walking deeper into my backyard, but I felt his hand on my shoulder, light yet insistent.

His touch made me quiver, though I desperately hoped that he hadn't noticed.

"Bella, could we have that conversation now?" he gently asked.

I turned back to him before I answered. "Conversation? What conversation?" I looked at him curiously, not understanding what he was asking about.

He took another step toward me, his eyes smoldering as he gazed into my eyes. But his eyes also looked…_nervous?_ "I need to explain some things to you. We're here alone, and it's as good a time as any," he began, before we heard Alice and Jasper laughing gently together in the living room.

"Um…excuse me. I'll go and retrieve your siblings, and then we can start the tour," I muttered, before starting to push past him. _Being alone with you is not an option right now, though I wish it was._

"Bella, please. This is important," Edward pleaded.

"Edward, there's plenty of time to talk. I'll be right back." I finished, as I made my way through the door and went back into the living room where Alice and Jasper were embracing, kissing each other softly.

"Are we back to normal now?" I asked, as my sudden reappearance obviously caught them off guard. They separated, but only slightly. Jasper continued to hold her hand, while she looked up lovingly at him. Neither of them was embarrassed, but it was obvious that Jasper had joined her in the shower, as his hair was still wet, much like hers.

"Can I get you a hairdryer? Alice? Jasper?" I teased.

"No, we'll be fine. We can air dry this evening," she chuckled, her gaze still lovingly fixed on her handsome mate.

Edward had joined us by then, his expression solemn. Alice and he locked eyes for a moment and I realized that another silent conversation was occurring.

"Anything you care to share with the rest of us?" I queried.

"No…I was just telling him that I felt better," she responded, though her eyes held a different emotion, one that I was unable to determine.

"Well, if you're ready now, I'd be happy to take you around," I invited.

Showing them around the house, Alice took in each room, her tiny hands touching walls, pictures, furniture, while she would comment on the personality of each room, as she called it.

"You did all this yourself, Bella? It's remarkable. When was the house built?" she questioned, her curious eyes still fixed on each detail of my house.

"As far as I can tell from the paperwork, sometime in the early part of the twentieth century, maybe around 1915," I answered.

"During my human life," Edward commented, his gaze fixed on me, while his eyes suddenly looked sad.

"Yes, I suppose so. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring back painful memories," I addressed him, hoping that he wouldn't continue to be unhappy.

"No, Bella, I'm fine. It's just remarkable that this house is still standing after more than one hundred years," Edward answered, as he forced a smile to return to his face.

We stepped into my office and Alice squealed. "You said my room was worse than your office! I think you're right," she exclaimed, her smile bright, her enthusiasm evident as she moved quickly through the tiny room, her eyes taking in every detail while Jasper looked at my tiny book collection, such as it was.

We finished the tour and headed back downstairs. "Would you care to see the outside? Edward and I started out that way when we realized that you were both back from your little rendezvous," I addressed Alice and Jasper. They both smiled back at me and nodded, and once again, I headed toward the back door of the house.

Once we were outside, Alice and Jasper went on ahead, hand in hand, looking at the massive oaks and maples that grew all over my backyard. They started to run, still holding hands, toward the outer part of my property, while Edward stayed back with me.

Twilight was descending. My memories came flooding back to me and I addressed Edward without thinking. "You know, Edward," I began, keeping my focus ahead of me, "you were right about twilight. I understand what you mean about it being the safest time of the day. I love to see it arrive, though it reminds that yet another day has ended. It is also the knowledge that another is just about to begin."

"Yes, Bella. Everyday stretches into another. The never-ending days of our existence. Twilight is the one moment, that split second that divides them."

We both stood there engulfed in the moment. Side by side, yet far away from each other. Neither of us spoke or moved. Was it peaceful? The intimacy of the moment unnerved me.

"Maybe we should catch up with Alice and Jasper," I suggested breaking the mood with my voice. With no more words, Edward and I ran to meet them not touching, but very much in unison.


	34. Chapter 33: Alone?

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: Quickly - please forgive me...this chapter needed ridiculous re-writes...so sorry! Enjoy! I hope you like it..._

Chapter 33: Alone?

The conversation had been surprisingly easy; nothing uncomfortable or controversial. We'd been together for only a few hours easily falling into such an entertaining discussion that I hadn't realized that time was slipping by. I didn't want them to go, but I had made such a fuss earlier in the evening that I felt if I didn't follow through, I'd look like an idiot. I glanced at my watch, hoping they'd take the hint.

Jasper did just that. "Well, we promised Bella that we wouldn't stay too long. She has plenty of work to do and it's important that we keep that promise. Alice, I'll go and retrieve your things from upstairs," he offered with a wink.

Alice whined, "I don't want to go. Come on Bella, can't we stay a bit longer? It's not like you need to get done before bed."

Edward looked at his sister reproachfully, his eyes narrowing in her direction. "Alice, we'll see her on Friday. You are still planning on coming to the house this Friday evening, correct?" Edward inquired, as he glanced in my direction. I looked at him trying to gauge the tone of his voice.

"Of course I'll be there." I tried to match my tone to his, "but I do have work this evening. I have papers piling up, and it's important that I keep Gerry _off my tail_, so to speak." Jasper chuckled heartily, Edward growled in my direction, and I lightly giggled as I realized how my words might have been interpreted.

From his demeanor from earlier in the evening, I hoped that this little reminder would keep Edward in check. I wasn't sure the exact thoughts going through Gerry's mind even though I could assume the general tenor of them. But from Edward's reactions, I could assume that he would be all for keeping Gerry of my tail. I couldn't begin to presume why it would matter to him so I chalked it up to a general abhorrence of gentleman in relation to smarmy men.

Alice let out a long sigh. "Fine. I'll go upstairs and help Jasper. We'll be right back," she breathed.

I watched as Alice's tiny frame gracefully skipped up my staircase as she disappeared after her husband, not so discreetly shutting the bathroom door behind them. The same soft giggles started again and I simply rolled my eyes this time.

"They never miss an opportunity, do they?" I asked, my tone sarcastic.

"No. They are very much in love. Have been, long before the day they arrived on our doorstep," Edward offered smiling fondly. His eyes slightly winced however as I am sure the visual was more than he wanted to see in his head.

My gaze was fixed on the closed bathroom door, and I murmured something before I even realized it was coming out of my mouth. "They're lucky, aren't they?" I mentioned, sadly aware that a future like that was now out of the question for me.

"Yes, they are. But Bella," Edward began softly, before the door opened, and both Alice and Jasper came out and began to descend the stairs.

"Well, we have our things. Since we have to go, may I call you tomorrow, Bella?" Alice asked in my direction, obviously annoyed that the evening was drawing to an end.

I quickly walked to the small entryway table that I had near the front door. I pulled out a pad of paper and pen, as I hurriedly wrote down my cell phone number and offered it to Alice.

She grabbed the note hungrily and tucked it into her purse before she stepped forward to kiss me once again gently on each cheek. She beamed at me, obviously pleased with how the night had progressed.

I walked them to the door and Alice and Jasper continued on ahead whispering to each other while Edward matched his stride with mine.

As we approached the car, he spoke, "Bella, thank you for indulging us this evening. I'll be sure to keep you posted about the progress of the repairs. Again, I'm sorry for overreacting. I guess it's in my nature." His face looked a bit mellow.

"I would appreciate that. It really wasn't necessary for you to do all this, well you and Rosalie. But I can say that it's the nicest thing that anyone has done for me…in quite a while. So thank you," I said softly.

"You're more than welcome." His face suddenly turned from amiable to serious. "Bella, I still need to talk to you. Can you think about a time that you and I can get together, _alone_ and discuss a few things; a time where we won't be interrupted. If you could do this for _us_, I would greatly appreciate it." His eyes never left my face, his voice soft, but determined and insistent.

I sat there for a split second, trying to come up with a way to dismiss this notion of his. The thought of being alone with Edward for an extended period of time was both enticing and nauseating. I couldn't trust myself to not say or do something that I would regret, something that would clue him in as to how I really felt about him. Knowing that he would only tell me how guilty he felt for allowing things between us to get too much out of hand and having to hear once again that he had never loved me would be excruciating.

I was finally starting to realize that Jake had pulled the surface together, but the wound was as fresh as ever under the surface. I was still broken and yet, he stood there, his beautiful eyes still focused on me. I realized that he was patiently waiting for an answer.

"I'll see what I can do." I finished, lamely.

"Thank you. I'm looking forward to explaining a few things. I just need a little bit of your time." He smiled at me, and I fought to return it, my sadness welling up in my chest.

I bid them all a goodnight and watched them drive away. When the car was out of sight, I headed back toward the house…my now empty, lonelier than ever house.

I closed the door behind me, locking it, a habit I retained from my human days. I looked around the first floor, and remembered how it felt to have them here. It felt…nice. No -- it felt wonderful. To come home in the evening and have someone there with me; people who really knew me. It was so much different to have voices floating through the rooms instead of the still quiet that now enveloped me.

The ache of isolation reached out and touched me, wishing to reclaim me, as it had for so many nights. I tried to shake it off, but it was a stubborn companion. I would be with the Cullens again and with any luck, loneliness wouldn't have me in its vicious claws any longer.

I readied myself to work for the evening, heading toward my office with my bags in hand as I ran up the stairs. I quickly got through the papers I needed to grade for my elementary kids, since there weren't very many. I grabbed my planning book and wrote out enough ideas to get me through the next week, tweaking things that didn't seem quite right.

I flipped on the stereo, choosing some soft station, and setting it low. I needed some background noise, something to break up the quiet. The quiet was even more agonizing tonight. Without permission, my mind drifted back to the evenings on the reservation. Grace laughing, with Jake's deep chuckle rumbling, and the television or stereo would play, while the phone would ring off the hook, either one of the pack or Charlie…even Renee.

Quiet was something that I sometimes wished for back then. I would give anything to _never_ have it now. It reminded me more acutely of what I lost. My child. My husband. My life.

I fought to find my way back to the present. Those things were lost to me now. Forever. I would outlive my child while I would never get to see her grow, hold her, tell her how proud I was of her. I wouldn't be there for her first dance, her graduation, her wedding, the birth of her first child. I would have to sit here and wonder if she thought about me, if she wondered what I was like, knowing that she would love me…but would she like me? _Now I'd never know_.

I shook my head violently, struggling to reclaim myself. I opened my laptop, and logged on, anxious to start grading papers, and thankfully, there were some in my university inbox. I hurriedly printed them, eager to have something to keep my mind occupied.

I finished and packed my things for the next day. It was just after midnight and I went through my routine. I started with the living room, dusting, vacuuming, putting everything in its place. I made my way through the rest of the house, washing, cleaning, rinsing, while I waited for the night to end. I cleaned every room, a tinge of sadness descending as I finished, knowing that I would need to find something else to keep my mind off more painful thoughts. I tried reading, but found myself to be too restless. My mind continued to wander, so I ended up doing what I always did.

I left out the backdoor, running as fast as I could toward the border of my property, into the forest beyond. I ran for over an hour, as the forest's dark cover camouflaged me. I ran, because it helped me to forget. Not forget exactly, but the running sometimes helped me clear my head. It allowed me some solace. I desperately tried to think of something else, but without warning, memories of Edward and me, in happier times, came flooding back.

The meadow. Our meadow. That day was pivotal. I knew what he was that day, in all his glory. He was so beautiful, glimmering in the sun, the sun that was so rare in Forks. We spent the entire afternoon there, careful of each other, the beginnings of a relationship that I had hoped would last forever. That was the irony. I wanted to be with him forever, to be what I was now. But that was before Grace. That was before I became a mother.

Now, I was what I had hoped to be, more than ten years ago, and the old adage of being careful what you wish for came back to bite me, literally.

I'm a…vampire. But I'm alone.

Victoria's plan for me to kill Grace had backfired, but what resulted was, in some ways, much worse. My child lived, and Jake loved and cared for her, but I was alone. By now, I was quite certain that he must be with Meghan, and this other woman was fortunate enough to have my baby call her "mommy". This punishment was infinitely worse. There were so many days that I preferred death to this permanent sentence of loneliness.

By then, I had stopped running. I lay on the floor of the forest, curled into a ball, gently rocking myself back and forth, my arms wrapped around the ever resurfacing hole inside of me, wishing for tears that refused to come. My mind flooded with memories of when Edward had left me in the forest all those years ago. The hole never healed, but now it was even bigger, knowing I had lost my old life…lost Charlie and Jake – and especially my Grace.

I forced myself off the forest floor and stretched, filling my lungs with unnecessary air. I looked at my watch, my sharp eyesight looking at the dial despite the lack of light. I had been here for hours, my mind reaching back into my past, pulling good and bad memories as my head fought to stay in the present. I forced myself to head back to the house and get ready for the new day.

I ran until I reached the backyard, recognizing the familiar trees that allowed my house some cover when the sun was out, which in this part of the country, was rare. I came back in through the same rear entrance, rushing up the stairs and robotically preparing for my daily routine.

I called into the school first, to notify them that I would be absent for the morning, realizing that the need to rent a car before heading into work. I clumsily keyed in each response to the questions the automated system asked me. _Why was I calling in? How long would my absence be? _I had never missed work before and the whole process took much longer that I thought it would, as I realized with sadness that I must have the most wretched life imaginable. I knew that my colleagues took sick days, personal days, family illness days…and I had never taken a single one, since I was never sick and had no family to call in for. _No wonder everyone thinks I'm so odd…how pathetic._

I took a long, hot shower, staying there until the water finally ran cold. I stepped out and looked into the mirror, barely looking at my reflection, while I combed my hair, readying it for the hairdryer. I went through every part of my habitual schedule, in an almost perfunctory state when I heard it: a car, or several cars, coming down my deserted road. It was rare to hear a vehicle coming. Usually, just the mailman or someone who had lost their way. But to hear several was more than strange. I ignored it and went back to dressing, taking my time to select an appropriate outfit, complete with those accessories that I hoped would make me look older.

Suddenly, I heard those same vehicles stop in front of my house. Now I was curious. I stopped what I was doing and peered out one of my bedroom windows. What I saw nearly took my breath away.

Every member of the Cullen family was there, driving a beautiful vehicle. Each one started to step out, while Carlisle and Esme made their way to the porch. The doorbell rang, and I hurried to put on my shoes before running downstairs to answer it.

I pulled open the door to see Carlisle with his arm placed around Esme's waist as they both smiled at me warmly. "Hi." I was unsure of what else to say.

Carlisle smiled warmly at me. "Good morning, Bella. It looks to be a beautiful day," he answered.

Esme's eyes held concern, but her smile stayed securely in place. "Edward told us what happened last night, and we're here to help," Esme offered.

I felt my forehead involuntarily crease from confusion. "Help? Help with what?" I questioned.

Alice stepped forward then, her smile bright and eager. "Edward and I tried to rent you a car last night, but the only rental facilities in the area were closed. In addition, they won't open until eight this morning, which would make you late for work. So, like Esme said, we're here to help," she finished her little speech that almost sounded rehearsed, and she took my hand, leading me off the porch.

She basically dragged me toward the impressive caravan of vehicles, each one just as beautiful as the last. The owner of each car stood outside their personal vehicle, their smiles wide, willing me to do what, I wasn't sure.

"I don't understand, Alice. I mean, it's wonderful that you all want to help, but help with what?"

Alice laughed. "A vehicle, silly. You may pick any car you want and use it until Rose is done repairing yours."

I was speechless. I literally didn't know what to say. After the night I'd had, it was too much. Had some inadvertent prayer I offered last night in the depths of my grief been answered? I faced the family, unsure of what to do next.

"Bella, we were serious when we said that we were here for you and that you should let us know when you need something," Esme said with a smile.

"This is really unnecessary. I already took the morning off, and intended to rent a car, but this is truly too much," I said.

"Now Bella, are you going to tell me that you aren't going to take us up on our offer, and that we drove all the way over here for nothing?" Emmett teased.

"It's not that, Emmett. I just don't want to be a bother. It's already enough that Rosalie is repairing my car," I explained not wanting to sound ungrateful, but feeling completely overwhelmed in their generosity.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "That was Edward's fault," she interjected, her tone emphatic, "though I'm happy to do it."

"Bella, we're all here for you. Just pick one. It's not like we don't have plenty to go around," Carlisle added, his eyes bright with amusement.

I just stood there, still not sure what to do. I looked at each vehicle, while the owner stood in front of it, eager for me to select theirs.

Rosalie shyly walked toward me, a small smile on her exquisite face. "Well, let's see. You can choose Emmett's Hummer H2 Luxury, which has a Vortec 6.2 liter, V8 engine. The really great thing is the amount of torque..." she began, before I interrupted her.

"Rosalie, I'm sure that all of this 'stuff" you're talking about is really neat, but I have no clue what you're talking about."

She tapped one long elegant index finger against her lips, her eyes searching the skies, before she continued. "Emmett's truck can haul a lot, like your vehicle. It's got a lot of power when you're driving and it can go really fast, even for its size. The only downsize is finding a parking spot large enough for it." She laughed as she finished her comment.

I smiled at her, beginning to become more comfortable with her. "Now you're speaking my language. Please continue," I said, as I laughed lightly.

"Come on Bella. You know you want to pick my car…it's the biggest! And don't listen to Rose – it's not that hard to park," Emmett bellowed in our direction, with a huge grin on his face.

I smiled sweetly back at him and shrugged my shoulders, before walking forward.

Rosalie took me to her car next, the gleam in her eyes brighter. "You could choose my BMW Z4 Roadster convertible. Emmett and I painted it ourselves," her elegant hand caressing the roof of the car, painted in a beautiful shade of metallic spring green, with a beautiful tan leather interior, "since the color I wanted wasn't available. It can go really fast and even though it doesn't have lots of interior room, it's so much easier to park. Not to mention that lots of people will notice you in such a gorgeous convertible.

"Like you, it's really beautiful," I managed to say. She smiled back at me in response.

I couldn't help but smile when Rosalie led me to Jasper's car. "Jasper just got this Mustang GT Premium," she said as she rolled her eyes. The car was a beautiful dark metallic red, buffed to an incredibly high sheen. "We decked it out with spoilers and custom rims, replaced the windows with darker ones, before he insisted on that Confederate flag license plate frame. He actually stood at attention and saluted when he saw that online! This car can go really fast – well, everyone's car does, but his is really meant for high speeds," she explained.

Jasper said nothing, but leaned his arms over the roof of the car, crossing them as he rest his chin on his forearms, with a small smile on his handsome face. _Typical Jasper_…

Rosalie flagrantly rolled her eyes at her sister, as Alice could barely contain her enthusiasm bouncing up and down outside her giant SUV. "Well, we have Alice's Escalade," she spoke as she gracefully shoved her hands into her pockets. "As you can see it's a huge vehicle with enormous power and will go pretty fast. Plus it's really big and people tend to get out of the way when you're driving something that large," she laughed, "but parking, like with the Hummer, can be a challenge. The upside is it's really a beautiful, elegant vehicle with plenty of leg room and hatch space."

Alice demonstrated her custom installed power step that would automatically extend a small platform from the undercarriage of the vehicle when the driver's side door would open. I chuckled thinking of my tiny friend needing assistance to get in and out of her vehicle, as to not arise suspicion from any human that might witness it.

The truck had a pale gold paint job and a cashmere leather interior enhancing the beauty of her elegant SUV. It was in complete contradiction to her. Large and powerful looking, it contrasted her tiny frame and delicate features. While I could imagine her sheer joy if I happened to decide that her car was the one I would pick, I knew that even if I didn't, she would find some type of excuse to get me into it eventually. Alice put her hands together, as if in prayer, for me to choose her…_I mean her car._

Reverently, Rosalie walked me toward Carlisle's vehicle. "This Mercedes CL65 AMG sedan," she said quietly, "is a king among cars. Its smooth ride is unmatched and just like the rest of our fleet of automobiles, this one is capable of very high speeds. It's probably the most expensive car in our collection, save Edward's Aston Martin. " The car had a sleek black finish with the darkest window tints I had ever seen. He had owned a car very similar to this that Alice, Jasper and I drove to Phoenix all those years ago. It was a beautiful vehicle, but knowing that this car probably cost more than my house, I quickly dismissed it. _But wow was it was tempting…_

Rosalie walked toward Esme, giving her mother a brief embrace. "Mom has the typical soccer mom vehicle, a Range Rover HSE. It's got plenty of room, it's very safe and doesn't go _as fast_ as the other vehicles in our collection." Warmly, I considered driving Esme's vehicle, its color, a beautiful dark blue metallic finish, reminding me of a moonless, starry night, while its ivory leather interior spoke of Esme's never-ending elegance and taste. I smiled when I thought of her driving such a big car, her being so gentle and all.

Finally, I saw Edward, leaning casually against his shiny, silver Volvo, arms crossed, looking handsome in the early morning light. "Well, you remember Edward's Volvo. In all the years that I've known him, I've never seen him hold onto a vehicle for such duration – and I'm sure that you well remember how fast this thing can go."

It was obvious that Edward loved his car, but it was ten years old, at the very least. That he was willing to even let it be an option said volumes because Edward ALWAYS drove. All the time I spent in that car, he drove it. Yet, it looked just as beautiful as every other vehicle that now occupied my overfilled driveway. I couldn't imagine why he hadn't gotten something newer.

_What was it with the Cullens and their cars?_

"Well?" Edward asked, his eyes full of merriment, as he pushed off the side of his car, striding over toward me.

"I'm not sure. I'm a bit overwhelmed right now," I stammered.

Alice and Rosalie walked toward me, flanking me on either side. "Come on, Bella. You have the choice of seven beautiful pieces of machinery," Rosalie pointing out the obvious. "I would love it if you would pick mine. I can see you driving to work with the top down. The weather is perfect for that today," Rosalie offered. I smiled in spite of myself. Perfect weather to a vampire was slightly different than to the normal mortal. It was a perfectly calm, yet heavily overcast day. Perfect convertible weather.

I smiled back at her, before Alice chimed in. "Well personally, I think you'll arrive to work in style in my car, Bella. Plus, like Rosalie said, people tend to get out of your way with a vehicle that big!"

I was suddenly besieged with an unfamiliar feeling. Each family member was anxious for me to choose their car and I felt a sudden surge of happiness; _thrilled_ that they were here. The feelings of loneliness from the night before had vanished, being replaced with something that I thought I would never feel again: a sense of family.

Esme approached me. "Bella, you said you took the morning off. I hate to seem forward, but I would love to see your home. Alice went on and on about it last night. Do you have the time?"

Grateful for the distraction, I smiled at her. "Of course. Where are my manners? Please come in." We all headed toward the front door of the house, while I held it open wide, inviting them in.

They all filed in, each of them, smiling at me as they entered. I laughed out loud when Emmett came to the door. He had to duck to fit his massive frame through the door jamb, after which he ambled inside, headed straight for Rosalie. Each person looked at me eagerly, as they took in the living and dining areas of my house.

"Well, I always knew it was small, but with all of you here, it seems tiny," I said, taking in the sight of seven lovely faces that were staring back at me, looking at me expectantly.

I repeated the same routine as I had the night before leading each member, save Edward and Jasper, who waited downstairs to allow the rest of us more room to move, to every room in my house.

Alice was still bubbling with excitement and it was infectious. The smile on my face seemed permanent and it grew wider with Esme's comments on how much she liked the little place I had put together for myself. Her taste was beyond exquisite, so her comments were high praise.

We reconvened in the living room, the ladies and I took the couch and single chair while the men retrieved my dining room chairs for extra seating and we sat around my tiny living room, laughter and easy conversation abounding.

All too soon, Edward addressed me, "So, Bella, what will it be?" He smiled at me, his crooked grin making my breath hitch in my throat.

"Well, as much as this pains me to say…_none of them._"

The look on Edward's face was of pure shock as he responded, "Bella you need a car. Just pick one. What's the problem?"

I giggled, unable to stop myself. "Well, _the problem_ is if this is supposed to be a rental car, I can't think of any companies that rent the type of vehicles that your family tends to drive. I'm trying to stay under the radar here, and none of your vehicles will help me accomplish that. But I really appreciate the thought," I smiled, hoping that the family wouldn't be offended. Everyone chuckled at my insight.

"Bella, who cares? Just have a little fun for once," Rosalie tempted with a sly grin.

_What is it with everyone wanting me to have a little fun?_

Edward rose from his chair, and crossed the room, before he knelt in front of me. The closeness of him was overpowering. "Bella, if you're worried about drawing too much attention, then take my car. It's more than ten years old, even if it doesn't look it. You can just say that a friend let you borrow it. Please. Do this for me?" he pleaded, his eyes smoldering while he looked at me. That wasn't fair – he wasn't playing fair and he knew it.

I was dazzled for just a moment, before I could draw in a deep breath to reply. "Edward, it's really unnecessary. I'll just pick up a rental car and that will be it."

"Fine…I'll pay for it."

"_No_."

"Bella, I'm not about to argue with you. I told you last night that I would take care of the problem. You either take the Volvo or I'm paying for the rental. _Your choice_." He shot me a look, his eyebrows cocked, daring me to argue the point.

Still feeling a bit overcome by the last thirty minutes, but not wanting _him_ to know that, I responded haughtily, "_Well_, this is your fault. If you hadn't gotten so carried away last night, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Since you won't let me pay for the repairs, and I don't want you spending anymore money, I'll take your car. Does that make you happy?"

"You have no idea." He smiled triumphantly as he stood, taking me by the hand. The electrical current that raced through my system was intense. He led me toward the front door of the house before I was able to partially regain my senses. "We'll be back," he tossed out casually to his family as we left the house.

"Edward, where are we going?" I spoke, finally finding my voice.

"Bella, I can't let you drive my car without showing you a thing or two. Rosalie has…adjusted the engine a bit, and it's probably more vehicle than you're used to handling. But I feel confident with a quick lesson, you'll do fine." His smile was encouraging, but I was starting to panic.

"What do you mean…_adjusted_?" my tone echoing the pangs in my stomach.

"Don't worry. Rose just tinkers with the engine so it'll go faster than it's supposed to. You just have to control the gas. Nothing to fret about," he answered, while he continued to keep my hand in his. I had to admit that it felt wonderful, but I tried to not read more into it than necessary. I'm sure that he was just taking precautions – to assure himself that I wouldn't damage his precious car.

We walked toward the Volvo, and he steered me toward the driver's side. He opened the door and helped me in before he purposefully walked to the passenger side and took a seat. "Edward, I can't just leave your family inside the house. They'll think I'm rude," I protested.

"They'll be fine. We won't be that long. Everyone in the family has this type of adjustment to their vehicle. Don't you remember how much we all thrive on speed?" He laughed as he looked at me.

I tried to return his smile and feel comfortable, but we were in his car and I found myself sitting in _his_ driver's seat. This was beyond strange. I was nervous and quite sure that it was beginning to show.

He handed me the keys, and I fumbled as I attempted to put them into the ignition. He helped me and our hands made contact again. I stifled my gasp, taking small breaths to help me center myself.

"Now, just put it in reverse. When you let off the clutch, just give it a _touch_ of gas," Edward began.

Nervous didn't begin to cover how I felt. _Why hadn't I just let him pay for the damn rental? _As I slowly lifted my foot upward from the clutch, I applied pressure to the gas pedal, forgetting that he had instructed me with a warning to only _touch_ the gas and I applied more pressure than necessary, as the car lurched backwards, jerking both of us with its motion. I hit the brake, just before we missed plunging into the ditch that flanked either side of my stone driveway, Edward's hand a blur, as he grasped the steering wheel to prevent the car from flipping over. The engine stalled with my failure.

I bit my lower lip as I turned to face him. "Oops. Sorry about that…you weren't kidding when you said Rosalie tweaked this engine. I don't think my car goes that fast, forward _or _backwards." I gave a weak attempt at a chuckle.

Edward threw his head back and laughed, his face so beautiful from the natural reaction to my mishap. "That's alright, Bella. Let's try it again, this time just be sure to touch the gas pedal _lightly_," he said, while he continued to grin at me encouragingly.

I was slightly dazed from his proximity, but determined to not look like a complete fool in front of him. _Focus, Bella._ I turned back to the business at hand and put the car into reverse, straightening the wheel and _very_ lightly applying pressure to the gas peddle, removing my foot in tandem from the clutch, as we quickly backed out of my driveway, onto the dirt road that led to my residence.

I slipped the car into first gear, my feet both stationed on the clutch and brake, as I innocently looked over at Edward, desperate for encouragement. His eyes were still focused in my direction and he nodded gently, his smile widening, as I lifted my foot from the brake and hit the gas, a little too hard again. I squealed as the car took off, leaving a cloud of dust behind us and I remembered back to all the times that we had driven in this very vehicle, once afraid of the sheer speed that Edward always engaged when he drove.

The speed was exhilarating, but nothing compared to being alone with him. We sped down the deserted road for several miles, his hand over mine, as he guided me from first gear to second and upward. We were racing down the back roads near my dwelling, before I saw that we had been gone for more than ten minutes and gently turned the car back around, to drive back to the house, where his family was waiting for us.

He sighed before he turned to me, "So, do you think you've got the hang of it?"

Not wanting to take my eyes off the road, fearing that if I met his gaze, I would lose complete control of the vehicle, I nodded. I took a fleeting glance in his direction before adding, "I think so. This is certainly more fun to drive than my car."

His grin was mischievous. "Well, Rose could do the same to your car while she has it," he offered.

I giggled, which was so unlike me. "No thank you. My vehicle is fine the way it is or it will be once Rosalie fixes it." I paused, not sure what to say to him next. "So, you get to help her sand it before she paints it?"

"Yes."

"I never knew that you could do things like that," I offered. _Is there anything that he can't do?_

I had returned to the driveway of my house, and parked the car off to the side, to allow the other Cullens to leave, when the time came. Turning off the engine, I hesitantly turned toward Edward, taking in his breathtaking appearance, before he spoke.

His eyes were serious when he looked at me, before he smiled that wonderful crooked grin of his. "Bella, there's a whole lot that you don't know about me," he teased as we both exited the car, heading back inside, where the family was waiting for us.


	35. Chapter 34:Friday Night with the Cullens

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: First and foremost, I must thank all of you for your overwhelming response and encouragement. I have, at times, considered dropping this story, as the chapters have become harder and more difficult to write. But, I'm **doing** it...so hang in there with me. Also, I apologize for not updating sooner...I know that most of you are used to two updates per week, but for now, I'm focusing on one update per week, to keep the chapters at the best level of quality._

_I also need to throw myself on your mercy in regards to responses with reviews...the last couple of weeks have been hellish and I have had to abandon replying to those reviews...with this chapters, I'm starting a fresh slate and I will do my best to respond to every review...my apologies!_

_As always, thank you to my wonderful beta and those friends that help me springboard ideas and plot development...I couldn't do it without them! They are the best!_

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 34: Friday Night with the Cullens

Thursday came and went with the same restlessness. I went through the motions of my job, working with children by day and adults by night, my mind barely focused. I looked forward, with more anticipation than I was willing to admit, to Friday night.

I had no idea what I was walking into, but I was certain that the agonizing wait would be worth it. The idea of being with others like me was enticing, and I wasn't sure if I could contain the enthusiasm that was threatening to erupt.

I drove to work in Edward's Volvo, my mind drifting back to much better times. We had spent so much time in his car…he loved to drive, and now I was driving it, because of _his_ insistence. I gently caressed the steering wheel, upholstery, and the gear shift, my mind remembering the lesson he has given me only the day before.

I filled my lungs with his divine scent. Even after all these years, he smelled exactly the same to me, if not more so. That wonderful scent that calmed me, exhilarated me, drew me toward him inexplicably…it was all around me as I sat in _his_ driver's seat, soaking into my clothing and skin, which brought an involuntary smile to my face.

I forced my thoughts to the work day. _Fridays…ugh!_ A staff meeting every Friday morning…when most people were forward to the last day of the work week, I dreaded them. Those morning meetings were always terribly boring and I fought the urge to roll my eyes in disgust every time Gerry would look in my direction blatantly attempting to flirt with me while others would do their best to ignore his inappropriate actions. My best defense was to scribble away furiously on my legal pad, never looking up, unless I was directly addressed, which was rare.

I intended to use that same plan of attack for the meeting this morning as well when I entered the staff parking lot located to the east of the entrance of the school. Gerry had pulled in right before me and when he exited his vehicle, he turned to look in my direction.

I pulled into my assigned spot and the look on his face became one of confusion when he realized it was me behind the wheel of a car he most definitely recognized. I put the car into park, and exited Edward's Volvo, greeting him with a professional, "Good morning, Gerry."

The look of disappointment mingled with anger returned to his features, the same exact one he had displayed at the house two nights earlier. He raised his eyebrows before responding, "Beth."

"Nice morning, isn't it?" Edward's scent still on my hair helped my jovial mood.

He didn't answer immediately, as his overly inquisitive eyes took in every line of the Volvo before returning to me. "Isn't this your _friend's_ car?" His tone told me he was less than pleased with my choice of vehicle.

_Like it's any of your business…_

I fixed one of those small, professional smiles on my face. "Yes. My _friend_ was kind enough to lend me his vehicle to save me the cost of renting one." I tried to keep my tone light, while I attempted to move toward the front entrance of the building, anxious to escape the interrogation that I knew was coming.

"You know, Beth, I don't trust your _friend_, that Ed guy He seems pushy and a bit possessive, if you ask me. I'm not sure he has your best interests at heart," he delivered his pathetic reasoning, as he took a step in front of me, to force me to stop and talk to him.

_You have no idea what you're talking about! Edward possessive about ME? I wish…_ "His name is _Edward_, and you don't even know him. He might say the same thing about you, but since he barely knows you, he's enough of a gentleman to save that type of judgment for a later time. Maybe you could do the same," I finished, my tone stern, as I attempted to walk around him and move forward with my day.

He roughly grabbed my forearm and I turned to look him in the eye, my forced friendly gaze replaced with one that was quickly turning to anger. _How dare he grab me! _"Gerry, this conversation is over. I have things to do and you do too, I assume."

He loosened his grip, but didn't let go. If anything, he attempted to pull me closer to him, but I refused to budge. His secure smirk lost all confidence, his expression showing surprise at my level of strength, which made me smile internally, knowing that I wasn't exerting the effort I could have or he'd be screaming from the broken wrist I would have given him.

He released his hand, knowing that he had lost this round, but not before he had the final word. "Beth, I won't tolerate anyone that attempts to…_interfere _with you. As long as you understand that," he said to me, frighteningly possessively as he stepped aside, his tone dark and his face twisted with an expression that made me uncomfortable.

I turned from him, and hurried in through the front door. I reached my room and sat at my desk trying to calm my nerves. I knew that Gerry couldn't hurt me, that I could defend myself easily if it came to it, but the way he spoke to me just now made my stomach clench and I started to wonder if possibly I had underestimated how dark his true feelings toward me were. My unease continued to grow and my mind brought back a memory of a day that reminded me of a similar clench in my stomach. IT was in Port Angeles and I had gotten lost. Then suddenly, I was being herded by ruthless men. Edward saved me that day, but I didn't need a savior now. I could take care of myself. I would have to handle this myself, before it got out of hand.

I pushed the uneasy feelings aside and gathered my things for the morning meeting. I glanced at the clock and knew that I had mere minutes before the start time and fleetingly considered skipping it altogether. I could feign some excuse of a phone conversation with a parent, but knew that if I didn't show, Gerry would take that as a show of weakness and I couldn't allow that. I collected my legal pad and files and walked toward the library, where the staff met every week.

I entered the doors and took a seat near the back, busying myself with the papers I had brought to avoid any type of interaction with anyone. No one ever glanced in my direction and today was no different. Gerry brought the meeting to order, but I refused to look up at him and hoped upon hope that I wouldn't be called on during the duration.

The meeting progressed and when it finally ended, I grabbed my things and made a hasty exit, heading directly back to my own classroom. I could _smell_ him while he followed me and forced myself to walk normally, at a human pace, though the idea of having to speak to him again was repulsive. I made it to my door when he called to me.

"Beth, a minute please," he began, his tone professional.

I suppressed a sigh and turned to face him, hoping that my non-poker face didn't betray the uneasiness I felt. "Yes." My voice sounded hard, which wasn't at all surprising.

His eyes were still hard and it looked like he struggled to find the right words. "Beth, I apologize if I stepped over the line outside. I just hope that you…_understand_ that I'm concerned about you, and wouldn't want to see you get hurt."

His tone and facial expression betrayed him. He didn't care about me, but rather what he thought he might lose if he didn't get his way. I suppressed a disgusted shudder and then I relaxed a little, knowing that he would never get the chance.

"Well, thank you for your concern, but I can assure you – Edward Cullen is no threat to me," I said in a tone that signaled I no longer wanted to discuss the topic.

"I'm glad that's settled. I'll let you get ready for the day," he finished, when he saw Mandy enter the room.

"Good morning, Elizabeth…Gerry…TGIF!" She exclaimed and it was hard to not smile at her enthusiasm as well as know that she had inadvertently broken up the conversation that I wanted no part of.

Gerry turned and left and Mandy and I got the classroom ready for our soon to be arriving students.

The day progressed and ended with the same routine as every Friday. Mandy readied herself to leave and I wished her a good weekend.

I had planned on staying and working in my classroom and quickly decided against it, in an effort to not give Gerry another excuse to talk to me.

"Mandy, wait just a minute."

"Sure…what's up?"

"I'll leave with you. Just give me a second and we can walk out together."

She smiled at me, as she smoothed her silky empire waist top, which today was in a beautiful blue and black abstract print, which brought out the color in her eyes. "Absolutely. You're not going to work this afternoon? Geezums…I think hell has officially frozen over!" She giggled.

"Very funny…actually, I was going to take my work home tonight before I got a start on my weekend."

I gathered my things, and she lingered near the door to our room, looking at the flower arrangement that was still on my desk. "Am I ever going to meet these 'friends' of yours?" She inquired gently yet curiously.

I stopped in my tracks. I steadied my shaking hands, before I could respond, "I…I don't know. Maybe…" I had no idea what else to say to that statement.

"Well, any friend of yours is definitely a friend of mine. What are your weekend plans?" she asked casually, as I finished putting my things in my bag.

Without thinking, I blurted out, "I'm going to the Cullens in a few hours." _Did I just say that out loud? Oh crap…_

She looked at me curiously, as she bent her head to the side, "The Cullens? The family that sent you these? Wow," she responded.

"Wow?" _What did she mean by that?_

"Elizabeth, don't take the wrong way, but you don't usually go visiting _anyone_. In all reality, I'm thrilled that you have plans tonight. You'll have to fill me in on Monday morning…I want all the juicy details," she said, as she smiled sweetly at me. _Damn, she had one of those knowing looks in her eyes._

I rolled my eyes, unable to stifle the laugh that erupted from my throat. "Mandy, if there are any truly _juicy_ details, you will be the first to know…deal?" I tried to suppress the hope that sprung up in my heart. I couldn't let anyone know how desperately I would like there to be a juicy detail.

"Deal!" Her soft Southern accent calmed my elevating level of stress and I again thanked my few lucky stars for her.

We walked out together and bid each other a good weekend, before I stepped into the Volvo and drove back toward the house. I walked in quickly, heading straight up to my office and finishing the work that I had brought home with me. I logged on to my school emails and finished responding to questions and graded what papers were waiting for me. The butterflies in my stomach refused to settle as I anxiously glanced at the clock. Only another half hour and I could leave for the Cullens…but then what? What on earth would we do with our evening?

I put my things away and headed toward my bedroom, knowing that I should change into something more casual before heading out for the evening. I looked at every article in my closet, which wasn't many, and my thoughts drifted back to my human days, when I was in high school and still had Edward in my life. I used to agonize over clothing then…W_ould he like this on me? Would he think this shade of blue looks good with my skin?_

I _never_ wore dark blue now. For some reason, I had instinctively shied away from it, and it never entered my wardrobe again.

I shook my head and fought my way back to the present, as I chose a simple black blouse and a pair of slim, cropped khaki slacks. I changed quickly and put my hair into a high ponytail before slipping on a pair of comfortable black ballerina flats. I was putting my clothes in the hamper when I heard a soft knock on the door. The butterflies instantly quadrupled in my stomach.

_Who could that be?_ I grabbed my purse and headed down the stairs to the front door. I didn't bother to ask who it was or look out the windows that flanked the front entryway to my house, as I undid the lock and yanked the door open.

Standing in front of me was the one person I never consciously expected. "Hello." Edward was standing there looking so handsome it made my knees weak, with that beautiful crooked grin that never ceased to take my breath away. I stood there, my mouth agape, unable to respond, as his grin grew wider. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

I shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs that had taken residence in my brain. "Oh, of course -- I'm sorry…come in." I forced a light laugh. _Will I ever be able to act normal around him?_

"How was your day?" he inquired, stepping through the front door, his intense honey colored eyes bore into mine, before I could tear my gaze away from him and walk into the living room.

"Fine. But before I ask about yours, may I first inquire what you're doing here? I was just on my way to _your_ house, or did I miss something?" I had turned to face him, but fought to keep the level of my voice calm, hoping that my face did the same. The legions of butterflies now occupying my stomach cavity were wreaking havoc with my composure.

"Well, to answer your first question, I'm here to bring you to the house. We weren't sure if you could find your way back, and Jasper realized that he hadn't given you our actual address. To answer your unasked, second question, my day was fine. We've all been eagerly awaiting your arrival, especially Alice. It took all of Jasper's skill today to keep her from racing to the school and kidnapping you early. She wanted to come with me, but we all thought she might scare you away with her enthusiasm."

I couldn't help but smile, imagining Alice pacing the house all day and repeatedly glancing at the clock, her frown in place, disappointed when the second hand hadn't moved. If there was one thing that Alice had difficulty with, it was patience. I remembered that all too well.

"Well, we better not keep her waiting, or she'll have both our heads," I laughed.

We left through the front door and I locked it behind us, making our way toward the vehicles in my drive. I headed toward the Volvo, when I felt his long fingers touch me in exactly the same place that Gerry had early that day. The feeling was entirely different, but I couldn't help but flinch. Edward caught my expression and he stopped both of us, his eyes full of concern. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I lied. _Crap, he knows what a terrible liar I am._

He stepped closer to me and let go of my arm, as the intense current of electricity stopped short. "I touched you and you flinched. I saw that in your eyes. Did I hurt you?"

I looked up into his eyes and had I been not so acutely aware of his true feelings, I could have sworn they were full of affection for me. "No. You didn't hurt me. Everything's fine. We should get going…"

"Bella, what's the matter? You don't just react like that without reason. What happened?"

I bit my bottom lip, trying to come up with some way of changing the subject and hoping he would take the hint, but he'd already proven that would be difficult, if not impossible. I turned my head to the side and looked down at the ground before I spoke, "Can I tell you on the way? I don't want your family to be waiting on us all night."

"Bella, they can wait. What aren't you telling me?" I could tell from his tone that he wouldn't let this go, so I decided to just get it over with. Besides, if he kept looking at me that intently, I would melt.

"If I tell you, will you let it go?" I looked up at him, my eyes locking onto his. I wished once more that I still had his heart. What I was about to tell him would be much easier that way and I would be able to control the overreaction I knew was coming. Fortunately, there were no doors to rip off in the immediate vicinity.

"Fine. I promise. But I can't promise that I'll be happy about it," he countered.

I took a deep breath before I began. "This morning, before work, Gerry…" I looked for the best word that wouldn't set off a chain reaction, "_stopped_ me in the parking lot at school, and I was just reminded of it. No harm done. Now, can we get going please?"

Just as I expected, Edward's eyes darkened and his mouth tightened into a straight line, as he fought a growl low in his chest.

_I knew he wouldn't take this well! _"Edward, it's fine. And why are you so upset? What difference does it make?" Now I was annoyed. I knew he didn't care about me that way anymore, but did he have to constantly make it seem like he did? Did my poor heart have to continually hope, only to have that hope shattered when I came back down to reality?

His eyes were still hard, while he tried to calm down. "Bella, how can you think it doesn't matter to me…to any of us?"

_What is he talking about? Ah…he said "us". See heart, it's nothing personal, I'is a general group worry. _

He rushed on, his words coming out so quickly I had trouble keeping up. "And your explanation doesn't explain the flinch. What else happened? What else aren't you telling me?"

"You said if I told you, you'd let it go. You aren't keeping your promise," I retorted.

He closed his eyes and took in a sharp breath before he continued, "You're editing. You haven't told me everything. We're not leaving until you tell me the rest."

_Oh really…so he wants to think he's in control…watch this!_ "Fine. I'll just go inside, and you can explain to your parents and siblings why I couldn't keep my appointment to see them tonight. How's that?" I turned on my heel and started back toward the house, my hair swishing with my quick steps, but I could hear him right behind me.

"Bella, I'm sorry." His tone softened, and I could tell by the rumble of his voice that he was very close. "How's this? We'll drive over together, you can explain what you're comfortable with and I'll drop it…I'll keep my promise. Deal?"

_Promise_? I didn't even want to go there, but I stopped in my tracks, still facing the house with my back to Edward. I was aggravated, but I _so_ needed a night with others. I couldn't face another night completely alone. I slowly turned to face him and simply nodded. He was too close for me to trust my voice.

We headed back to the Mercedes that he had driven and he opened the door for me and I stepped inside. In a flash, he was in the driver's seat, and we were pulling out of the drive. We were safely on our way, when I knew I couldn't delay any longer. I could tell he was exerting all his energy toward remaining calm and patient. I knew I couldn't make him suffer any longer. "It was nothing, Edward. He just caught me unaware for a moment. It's really not a big deal." I was so hoping that he would let it go, but that hope was quickly dashed.

"Bella, for you to react like that tells me that it _is_ a big deal. _Please_ just tell me what happened."

I shifted myself in the passenger seat so that I was staring out the side window. "He approached me this morning in the parking lot and said that he didn't trust you."

"_He shouldn't." _

I rolled my eyes and went on. "I basically told him to mind his own business. He put out his hand to stop me." I said the last part no louder than a whisper, hoping to soften the blow.

"What are you telling me? That he _grabbed_ you? That son of a…I'll _kill_ him."

_Why would he react like this? _That was easy to decipher. Edward was a gentleman, brought up in a time when defending a woman, any woman, was the rule. It didn't matter if he had feelings for me or not, he was just doing what came naturally to him, what was part of his social upbringing and basic DNA. That thought brought up the fact to me again, painfully, that he would feel this way about any female and the fact that it was me was irrelevant in his decision.

"Edward, I'm fine. I think we had this conversation earlier. Had I wanted to, I could have snapped his neck myself." I smiled a little at the thought, which immediately made me feel repulsed that I had allowed myself to take an ounce of humor in the situation. The thought of killing another, especially a human was inexcusable.

"I can't believe that you're taking this so lightly, Bella. For him to even assume that he could handle you that way, for him to try to force himself on you…"

I cut him off, "You gave me your word. I told you what happened and now I need you to let it go."

He breathed out hard through his nostrils, his hands gripping the steering wheel before he spoke, "Fine. But if he ever does that while I'm around, I won't be responsible for my actions." I could, again, hear the beginnings of a growl, low in his chest.

_I'll never let them be in the same room, that's a certainty._ "Fine. Can we drop it now?"

He loosened his grip, and let out another long breath. "Fine. What would you like to talk about?" His tone was tight, with little warmth.

I sat there, realization hitting me for the first time that we were _alone_ in the car. What had been uncomfortable, sitting there talking about what had happened earlier in the day now became a panic-stricken state of being…How long had we been driving and when could I get out of such close proximity with him? I desperately looked for something to talk about, to change the subject. "What did you do with your day?"

I glanced over at him, his eyes staring at the road ahead of us, as we exited unto the highway, heading in the direction of his family home. "Class work." His voice was tense and I could see he was struggling to remain calm. It wasn't working.

I thought I would try a different approach. "Really? Anything I would be interested in grading?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood and hoping to lift the dark mood that permeated the car.

He turned to look at me, his gaze still a bit tight. "Bella, you remember what Carlisle said to you earlier in the week, don't you? That if you needed anything, you should let us know. Do you remember that?"

_I should have known he would be completely unable to let this go. _I looked at him, as he continued to watch me, his eyes clearly not on the road. I knew he could multi-task, but it still made me nervous. As if he could _finally_ read my mind, he returned his eyes to the road ahead of us, which was full of Friday night commuters. I searched inwardly for the right words to put this conversation to rest. "Edward, if I need anything, anything at all, I _promise_ to let you guys know. But, I can take care of myself. I've been doing it long enough…"

"That's the problem. You don't know when to ask for help. It shouldn't be that way. We're here for you and we want help you in any way we can. Bella, _I_… we care about you. Can you try to remember that next time?" He interrupted me abruptly. I couldn't understand his tone. It sounded almost pleading.

I looked out the passenger window, unable to suppress the sigh. "Edward, if I need anything, _anything _at all, I'll let you and your family know. But don't hold your breath. I can handle myself."

We arrived at the house, pulling up the ridiculously long stone drive, and Edward finally parked Carlisle's Mercedes off to the side near one of the obvious garages. I went to open my car door, but he beat me to the punch, pulling it open gracefully and offered me his hand to help me out.

I smiled up at him, while I grabbed my purse and exited the car. The familiar zing of electricity zapped my hand pleasantly. I started toward the house, but he retook my hand gently and steered me toward the garage. "Edward, where are we going?"

He turned to look at me with that beautiful smile that made my breath catch in my throat. "I thought you might like to see what progress we've made on your car. Are you interested?"

I couldn't help but smile back at him. He looked so eager to show me, so I simply nodded, once again unable to trust my voice in such close proximity.

He led me toward the side of the garage and pushed a code into a hidden panel activating the door to the front of the building as it lifted in place, revealing what was inside. There was my car, the broken glass from all the windows gone, the front end now no longer mangled, and the bare steel of the body showing. It apparently had been sanded, as Edward and Rosalie had discussed earlier in the week. I stepped toward my unrecognizable car, when Rosalie stepped in through the open door of the building.

"Hey, Bella," she greeted me, her tone warm, which I still wasn't used to.

"Hi, Rosalie. Looks good?" My last statement came out more like a question, which wasn't intentional. I just had no idea what else to say.

She laughed, her tone one of obvious pleasure. "We're making progress. I've got the windows ordered. And the new paint and door," she glanced in Edward's direction and rolled her eyes, "are on their way. Shouldn't be more than a couple more days. How's Edward's car treating you?"

"Oh, it's fine...fun to drive actually." _Was I actually having a normal conversation with Rosalie?_

"Edward told us about your near mishap with the Volvo." She laughed, and flipped her golden hair over her shoulder, reinforcing how beautiful she was, tall, willowy and dressed in a tight, black cashmere t-shirt and dark jeans, looking like she had just stepped off the pages of _Vogue_ magazine.

I looked to Edward, who looked anywhere but in my direction, his eyes feigning embarrassment, while he whistled a tune, trying to play up the humor in the situation. On instinct, I jabbed him in the ribs with my elbow. _Oh…my…gosh…did I just do that?_

Edward gasped, his breath running out of his lungs in a quick gust. "Emmett wasn't kidding. You should warn a guy first," he practically yelped, as he rubbed his side.

"Sorry. I'm not sure what came over me." I could have fainted with embarrassment as Rosalie roared with laughter. _Don't flirt! What is wrong with you?_

"I think you've met your match, Edward. Better be careful around her. She's got the strength to take you down," she teased.

"Rosalie, I think you're right. I have met my match," he responded. This time his gaze focusing on my face, so intently, that I forced myself to take a step back and refocus on the car. _Don't get your hopes up! He is NOT flirting back!_

"So, you think just a few more days then?" I asked, trying to shift the direction of the conversation.

Thank goodness, Rosalie took the hint. "I think we'll have you up and running by early next week. The door should arrive tomorrow, and then all we have left is paint, interior cleanup and windows. I took the liberty of ordering you window replacements with a darker tint, as well as topping off your fluids, changing your oil and giving the engine a once-over. I hope that's alright," she replied, looking a bit sheepishly in my direction.

"Oh Rosalie, that's wonderful. Thank you so much for doing that, but you didn't need to go to so much trouble," I started, before she waved a graceful hand in my direction.

"No trouble at all, Bella. Come on…Esme is waiting for you inside, and I think Alice will have an aneurysm if she doesn't see you soon." She wrapped an arm around me and leading me toward the house, Edward following a safe distance behind.

We reached the porch when the front door swung open with a loud smack, as the door made contact with the exterior wall. A very beautiful but angry looking pixie was staring at us, her eyes narrowed, her mouth in a tight line, while her arms were pinned across her chest, her legs spread apart, giving the impression that she was about to have a hissy fit. "Well, it's about time. It's what, 7:04? What took so long?" Alice spat at Edward.

Rosalie, Edward and I burst out laughing, and I stepped toward my friend and embraced her tightly. "Alice, we were just looking at my car, and Rosalie was explaining everything. _So_ sorry to keep you waiting," I replied, while I tried to reign in the laughter. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward relax a bit and looked relieved that I had averted an Alice moment.

Alice was still displeased, but returned my hug and grabbed my hand, running with me to the stairs, right past Esme and the others, as I attempted a smile and greeting in their direction. I wasn't used to the speed and had to force my legs to keep up. We landed directly in front of the door to her room. She turned to me and smiled wickedly as the hair on the back of my neck stood up. She looked almost menacing and I was momentarily frightened of my small friend.

Alice pushed the door to her room open and entered, just before she grabbed me by the hand and pulled me in with her, my feet no longer making contact with the floor. I felt like I was flying, before she steadied me. In just five short days, her room had changed completely. Gone were the books, drawings, and other papers that had been scattered and pinned to every square inch of wall space and countertop. I wasn't quite sure what to make of what was staring me in the face.

Placed around the room in intervals, around the massive king-size bed, were several story boards, similar to those tri-fold boards that children purchase at craft stores to do science fair projects and presentations, all on identical easels.

Each board was a different color and had several small photos, drawings, color swatches and other word-processed documents attached. I took a step closer to one and studied it, unsure of what to make of them. Whatever they were, Alice had taken an inordinate amount of time with them.

Alice stepped next to me, as her miniscule hand took mine and led me toward the closest display. "Alice, what are these? What have you been doing?" I asked her, as I glanced at my tiny friend.

"Planning." Her face was glowing with excitement. She looked over her work, and started pointing out things: colors, menus, themes; it hit me just then that she had gone ahead and planned the entire university event, with several options just waiting to be selected.

The themes! Oh my goodness! Alice had definitely missed her calling. It was all there…Roaring Twenties, Antebellum, Renaissance, even disco…the list went on. Of course, considering that every member of the family had lived through one of these times in history, it was no wonder why each plan was precision perfect and every detail was accounted for.

"Alice, when did you do this?" I asked, as my mouth stood open, my shock still registering.

Alice bounced up and down, unable to reign herself in. "Well silly, I had some help. Jasper and Rosalie, and of course, Edward gave me their input. When you don't sleep, you have lots of time to accomplish things. When I wasn't in class with you, I worked on this. Well, even when I was in class with you, I was jotting down notes for this. Did you get a date yet?" she finished, impatiently waiting for my answer.

I rolled my eyes while I smiled at her. "Yes. Eight weeks from tomorrow night, so those invitations need to go out in the next two weeks or so. I still can't get over this. And what happened to the rest of your room?" I questioned, as my hand waved toward the rest of the space.

"Well, I've been working on things for awhile, collecting things that made no sense at the time. When the party came up, things just fell into place. Jazz was beyond happy that we got the room back. It's odd…like I knew something was coming and I needed to prepare, but I didn't necessarily have a vision or anything," she answered, just as an odd look crossed her face.

_Did she look sad or utterly confused? Or was she seeing something… _"Well, whatever it was, you did an outstanding job. Now all we have to do is pick _one,_ and start visiting the vendors. Think you're up to helping me with that as well?" I asked, my eyes cringing while I braced myself for impact.

"YES!" She lunged at me and wrapped herself around my torso, bouncing up and down as she hugged my person.

I hugged her back, grinning like an idiot from ear to ear. I had missed Alice so much and my memories of her scarcely did her justice. She was like a sister to me. A sister and best friend all rolled into one. Just then, I heard the snickering coming from the doorway to her room and looked up as every member of the family stood, watching us.

"So," Jasper walked in, kissing his wife on the top of her head as he snaked his hand around her slender waist, "do you like what my Alice came up with?"

"Very much so. And it saved me a whole mess of work. Now, which one to pick…" I finished, as I returned my focus to all the hard work that Alice and her siblings had put together, as I weighed each option carefully, looking for just the right one.


	36. Chapter 35: Quality Time

_Author's Note: A quick thank you to my beta, hearbroken1, who has a fabulous new story called News to Me...check it out! Also, a very special thank you to my friends grump grizzly and Mandi1 (both ladies have some of the best stuff out there!) who let me bounce ideas off of them and never get tired of my ranting!_

_Also, a very special thank you to all of you...your response to my last chapter was humbling and overwhelming...I WON'T abandon this story...I just wanted all of you to understand that updates will be a bit slower for the time being...but thank you for your understanding and encouragement. Enjoy!_

Chapter 35: Quality Time

The entire weekend was wonderful. I'd _never_ intended to stay the entire time, but when I voiced the opinion that I was wearing out my welcome, I got a stern look from Esme and dropped the subject. I went home only to change clothes and pick up the mail.

I'd spent nearly every moment with the Cullens and it had been pure bliss. Even when there was no one talking and we were simply listening to Edward play the piano or taking a walk through the vast acreage that surrounded their home, I felt a peace that I hadn't felt in so long. I spent time with every single family member.

_Yes, even that one._

Rosalie and I spent time in the garage. She explained, in minor detail so as to not confuse me, how the repairs were coming. She even opened the hood of my car to assure me that nothing mechanical was wrong with the engine. Our new friendship was blooming, and I was starting to see another side of Rosalie that I never knew existed. I was beginning to understand how loyal she was to her family and how Emmett loved her so very much.

Emmett and I had wrestled in the backyard; and although he won, it was wonderful to have something akin to a big brother. Even with my change, he still handled me gently and would wink at me when he pinned me, just for me to flip him over and run from him. He may have been stronger than me, but I was definitely faster much to Edward's amusement.

Jasper showed me his study and his vast collection of books on the Civil War. He recommended a few for me to read and I was more than eager to connect with him. He and I had come so far since a few days ago. For him to still be shouldering that type of guilt was unimaginable. He also showed me the vast computer network he had set up for the house and offered to come and look at mine. Knowing that all he would find was a cable modem, I was more than excited for him to come and ensure that my systems were where they should be. He seemed genuinely pleased to assist.

Alice was more than excited to have me with them for the weekend. She showed me around her room, taking me through her extensive collection of clothing in their closet. She picked out dates on the calendar to meet with vendors and take a trip into the nearest large city so we could secure suitable dresses for the event. To see her so happy made me even allow her the opportunity to select a dress for me at her discretion, provided that I would be comfortable enough to work the event. She was giddy the entire weekend and it was difficult to not share that enthusiasm. For once I let my emotional walls weaken a bit, and enjoyed the moment It was heaven.

Esme took me to her studio, which was housed in one of the outbuildings on their property, with plenty of windows to allow for natural light. What I saw took my breath away. She had painted so many different canvases. Her painting technique was very much a combination of Jackson Pollock and Van Gogh, though she had additional styles that reminded me of Georgia O'Keefe. To say that Esme had talent was an understatement.

She set me to work with my own canvas and although what I produced was childish and completely unrecognizable, she praised my efforts and promised to work more with me, if I was willing. She asked my favorite colors and I could see her filing that information away for another time, possibly for a later lesson.

Even Carlisle and I spent some time together. We drove to the hospital, so he could take me for a tour of the wing he worked in. My mind drifted back to the memories of the multiple times he tended to me when I was still human…how tenderly he took care of me during our short acquaintance. Carlisle's pride for his work and compassion for his patients was evident, as was the way the support staff viewed him. When the female nurses and doctors weren't ogling him, he was definitely viewed with immense respect. It was evident that his colleagues looked at him in awe, for he appeared so young and was so wonderfully competent in his chosen profession.

_If only the staff knew the real secret…_

Even Edward and I spent some time together, though I wouldn't go to his room alone. I played coward and did what I did that first night -- dragged Alice along with me. We went over his vast music collection and he lent me some of his new undiscovered favorite artists on CD. He played for us again and we fell into an easy pattern. It struck me as odd, almost like the last ten years hadn't happened. I yanked myself from those thoughts and forced myself to stay in the present moment, to savor what was right in front of me.

It was with more than a tinge of regret on Sunday night, way past two in the morning, that I knew I had to return to my empty house. Edward drove me home, with Alice in the backseat, going over and over all the plans we still had to pinpoint since we had chosen a theme.

We arrived at the house and as usual, Edward hopped out of the car and sped to my side, opening my door before I could protest. Alice and Edward walked me to my door and I opened it a bit hesitantly, knowing that they would be gone in just a few minutes. I had so enjoyed the time I'd shared with their family and dreaded going back to the real world, the human world. But, I had promised Esme and Carlisle that I would join them again next weekend. I focused on those happy thoughts and attempted to banish anything negative.

When we got into the house, I turned to thank them both. Alice hugged me. "This weekend was such fun! I wish you didn't have to work tomorrow, but I know that I'll see you in the evening for class. Can we come over after, or you come over to our house?" She looked at me like a little girl, begging for a play date with a friend.

"I'll see what I can do, Alice. As long as my work is caught up, I don't see why not. Okay?" I answered, my smile bright. _How had I survived so long with her? I just adore her…_

She pounced me again, her enthusiasm evident from her smile to her level of energy – it was like her feet never touched the floor. I giggled with her and she headed toward my front door reluctantly, before she exited and headed for the car. She and Edward shared a look as she passed him in the entryway.

Edward reached out and touched my shoulder lightly. I turned to fully face him before he spoke. "Bella, I hate to sound like a broken record, but I need to talk to you. I _really_ need to discuss something with you that's urgent." Suddenly I was glad to be home—alone.

_Yeah, I got that. I just have no desire…_ "Edward, I need to get ready for the day. I never intended to spend the whole weekend with your family and work will be upon me in just a few short hours," I responded, trying to look anywhere but in his eyes. I knew if I looked into those golden pools, I'd be a goner for sure. _Yep…just like I thought._

His eyes looked wide and innocent, earnest almost. An image of his face popped into my mind. It was the first day in our meadow when I was tracing the lines on his hand… "Bella, I know time is short and this conversation might take," he winced, "some time. Can you please check your schedule for me? I promise to make this as painless as possible," he replied, as his hand reached toward me, before he put it back down at his side.

_Painless? For you maybe... _I took in a deep breath before I could respond, but my tone was involuntarily cold. "Fine. My calendar is at work. I'll check it and get back to you by Wednesday. Then we can move forward, alright?" I turned away from him and walked toward the front door, where Alice had already exited. "Thank you for driving me home."

He looked at me, his face creased with confusion. "Thank you for spending the weekend with us. I'll see you this evening." He replied curtly.

I feigned a smile, though I could feel it wasn't genuine. "Absolutely. I'll be there."

"Goodnight, Bella," he said more softly.

He exited the house and I had to force myself to shut the door gently. The idea of rehashing a relationship fiasco with him was the last thing I wanted to do, but I might as well just get it over and done with. He was insistent that we have the damn talk, so I'd find an evening and suffer my way through it. It would probably do more damage, but since he wouldn't let it drop, what alternative did I have? I just hoped that I could be gracious. I couldn't lose the rest of the Cullens now…imagining that existence caused me to shudder.

The feeling of that day in the forest had never left. In my worst moments it returned to me so acutely that I would find myself doubled over from the pain and torment. And he wanted to talk about it? How was I supposed to discuss the true end of my life as I had known it?

I went through the next day of work, seeing the Cullens at the university Monday night. We spent some time together after class, before I explained that I had work to do. Being with Edward, even with Alice and Jasper there became uncomfortable. I knew they could all sense it and I dreaded that Wednesday deadline. But I would put it off as long as I could.

Tuesday morning dawned, and I went through my routine before I readied myself for the morning at the elementary school. I got into Edward's Volvo, and ran my hand fondly along the dash and allowed my mind to remember the first time I had been in this car, that day when the blood-typing in biology practically made me pass out. Edward drove me home and we listened to Claire de Lune…I never listened to that song now. It brought back too many painful memories. I could hear the overture in my head and physically pressed on my temples, willing it to stop. That path was lost to me now. Dwelling on it wouldn't help me and I had a long day ahead of me.

I arrived at school and started my day. One hour bled into another until lunchtime approached. I started toward the cafeteria with my students while Mandy was finishing up a phone call with her father. They had a wonderful relationship and when he called, I encouraged her to take it. I got the kids situated, asked the noon aides to attend to them and headed back toward my classroom when I met Mandy in the hall. She had a huge grin on her face and her eyes were twinkling.

She stopped when she reached me and her smile was a mile wide. "Elizabeth, you have someone waiting for you in the classroom," she stated with implication thick in her voice.

"Who is it? A parent?" I questioned.

She suppressed a laugh, her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide, feigning innocence. "Nope. Not a parent. This guy is here to see you, Elizabeth. Not _Ms. Marsten_," she responded, her face alight with humor.

"Who is it?" I asked her again, totally confused as to who would visit me in the middle of the day.

"Says his name is Edward…Edward Cullen, and damn is he good looking! He wouldn't happen to be from the same family that sent you flowers, would he?" she threw back at me.

_What the hell is he doing here? _I took a deep breath before responding."He is…d-did he happen to say why he's here?" I stammered, as the panic and anxiety crept into my voice. My throat constricted and my stomach was starting to twist into those familiar knots that I was beginning to get used to in the past week.

She lifted her eyebrows at me, as she cocked her head to the side. "No, he didn't. But I'd hurry if I were you." _Did she just wink at me?_

"Hurry? Why do I need to hurry?" I responded, my eyes involuntarily shifting toward the direction of my classroom.

"Well, he showed up and introduced himself and not a second later, Gerry walked into the room looking for you. They seemed to know each other and looked like they were about to face off," she replied, with a bit of laughter in her voice, but I barely caught the last of it, as I sped off toward my room. With those two, together, in the same space, who knew what could happen. I just hoped I was in time…

I entered my room, taking a glance at each of them, when I noticed that they were in identical stances, arms crossing their chests, legs slightly apart, Edward leaning on Mandy's desk, while Gerry used mine for support, on opposite ends of the room. _This isn't good._ "_Edward_, what a nice surprise. What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you," I began, before Gerry cut me off.

"Visitors need to check in at the office first, Ed," Gerry spat out at him.

He didn't move an inch as he responded. "Already did. You can go check it for yourself. Don't let _us_ keep you. I'm here to see _Elizabeth_. Is she not allowed visitors, or did I miss something?" he retorted. His tone was low and menacing and I couldn't figure out what had gotten into him.

His face tight and exasperated, Gerry looked at me. "Beth, do you want him here?" he asked, his tone leaving nothing to the imagination. He wanted Edward gone and it couldn't be soon enough.

"It's more than fine. He's an old friend and I wasn't expecting him, but it's a nice surprise," I responded, trying to sound cheerful. The tension in the room was thick. I needed to shift things and quickly.

Edward smiled smugly in Gerry's direction, before walking toward me. "Your car is finished and I thought I would return it to you today. Do you have a few minutes?" He placed himself between me and Gerry, completely blocking our view of each other. I could hear Gerry let out an exasperated sigh, before he took a step toward us.

Gerry wasn't the type to give up easily. "Beth, if you'd like, I'll come with you. That should make you feel more comfortable."

"I'm fine on my own. Shouldn't take long, should it Edward?" I looked at him with eyes willing him to understand and play along. Under my breath, just low enough for him to hear and Gerry to miss, I hissed, "Please help me out here. He's ticked as it is and I don't need more trouble from him."

Edward eyes shut tightly, though fortunately, I was the only one that could see his expression. "No," his tone was strained, but full of understanding, "it won't take long at all. Just wanted to exchange cars," and he whispered for my benefit only, "and show you all of Rosalie's hard work."

"Sounds wonderful. Let me get the keys to the Volvo and we'll be on our way." I started toward my things, with Edward directly behind me, when Gerry blocked the way to my desk.

He whispered to me, "Beth, I don't like this. I don't like this at all. Let me come with you. _I'll _feel more comfortable_._" He seemed like he was holding himself back from physically restraining me from accompanying Edward. He obviously still remembered the parking lot from the other day.

_Well, that definitely won't make me feel more comfortable. If a fight breaks out, you certainly aren't going to win._

Knowing that Edward heard every word clearly as if he had spoken them into a megaphone, I wasn't entirely surprised when I felt Edward stiffen behind me and heard the beginnings of a growl deep in his chest.

_What is wrong with him?_ His behavior made no sense at all. Even though I knew that Edward would hear me, I whispered right back. "It's fine. Just takes a few minutes. I _don't_ need an escort. I know you're missing your lunch and I _won't_ be joining you all today in the lounge as I've got phone calls to return. Enjoy your meal," I responded, with definite finality, and I stepped away from him so he could leave the room, hoping my intentions were clear. I certainly didn't need a babysitter and I wanted Gerry out of my room right now, before this situation got anymore out of control.

I grabbed my purse and found Edward's keys for the Volvo before the two of us exited, right past Gerry, who was fuming and too thick to have taken my hint for him to leave. Edward's hand found the small of my back and escorted me toward the front entrance of the school. I stifled a gasp and for just a moment, all I could focus on was how wonderful it felt to have his hand on me, how amazing his touch felt, as I struggled to remain calm. He was hurrying both of us outside of the building toward the cars parked in the lot and I barely recognized my new and improved vehicle.

The lines in his face were still tight when he grasped my elbow and spun me toward him. "So, what do you think? Looks good as new, doesn't it?" he asked, trying to push the incident with Gerry aside.

I looked at what I assumed was my car because it looked almost new. The windows were definitely darker and the paint job was buffed to a high sheen. He opened the door and showed me the interior, which had been cleaned and smelled showroom new. The seats had been steam cleaned and the carpets shampooed. It was positively shining.

My hands glided over the new door, as my memories went back to the night that Edward had torn the door from its hinges. "Edward, it looks wonderful. But I wish Rosalie had come with you. I would have liked to thank her in person," I responded.

"Emmett took Rose into the city for some shopping. She deserved a break after all of her hard work. But, you can thank her when you come back to the house this weekend," he replied, before he reopened the door and motioned for me to jump in. "Interested in taking it for a spin?" he queried.

"Um, I would love to, but my lunch break will be over soon and I don't think I'll have enough time," I answered, as a lump caught in my throat. I looked away from him, hoping he wouldn't catch the emotion.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his voice insistent. He approached me as he circled a path, before standing directly in front of me.

I avoided his eyes, focusing on a large crack in the blacktop of the staff parking lot. "Fine, thank you."

Before I knew what was happening, his smooth marble finger lifted my chin, tipping my face upward to look at him. My breath caught in my throat, as I found myself getting lost in his gaze, focusing on the moment, on his touch, his scent…

He whispered, "Bella, what's the matter?" His gaze was so soft, his voice tender. Had it been possible, I would have broken down in tears at that moment from the barrage of emotions that were tearing through me.

"It's nothing, really. It's just been so long…" I couldn't finish.

He leaned in closer to me, his eyes so tender I had a difficult time standing upright. _"You're not alone anymore."_

It was such a simple statement and yet it nearly brought me to my knees. I had never mentioned to Edward or any of the Cullens in particular, how lonely I felt, how the agony of spending so much time on my own was slowly killing me, had that been possible for one of our kind. How the nights tore viciously at me and made it impossible to catch my breath, much less have any hope that things would ever change. The worst was the infinite knowledge that things would remain the same for me, while my daughter would grow and never know me and eventually, she would go to her grave, most likely better to have never had me in her life, which hurt like hell.

How was it that he could still know me after all this time? My spirit bathed in those simple words and I was unable to respond.

Sensing my mood, Edward stepped away from me and opened my trunk, lifting an enormous wicker basket, wrapped in cellophane and tied with bright yellow ribbon, from the interior and while balancing it with one arm against the bumper, he used his free arm to shut the trunk before he gracefully walked back toward me. Inside the basket were assorted art supplies, educational software, children's books and videos. "Esme thought you could put these to good use. May I carry these in for you?"

Looking up at his handsome face, my emotions barreled through my system like an underground oil line. I couldn't respond, but nodded my response. We started toward the building and I opened one of the large glass doors open for him, while he glided through, holding that beautiful gift basket from Esme. I'd have to send her a note to properly thank her for her thoughtfulness.

We arrived back in my room, and I glanced at the clock, knowing that I had only a few minutes left with Edward, before my students would return and it would be time to continue with our afternoon schedule. My spirit sank a little knowing that he was leaving me again, however temporarily. "Well, thank you, Edward…for everything. And, _please_, thank Esme for me. The kids will love her gifts. I promise they'll be put to good use," I said, as I smiled at him, my emotions welling up again. Happiness was so foreign to me at this point, that it took a moment to correctly identify the emotion that had risen in my chest.

His dazzling smile radiated at me. "_Elizabeth, _I know you only have a few minutes left, but I was wondering if you had found a time that you and I could talk."

_My mood quickly changed from happiness to despair._

I suppressed a sigh before responding, "Well, I really haven't had a moment to check."

"Would you check now? I mean, if it's not too much trouble." His smile seemed shy as his head dipped, but it didn't matter; my emotions went from fragile to angry in seconds.

_Why_ did he have to push this? Wasn't it enough that we were getting along? Couldn't he just let me linger in my illusions that he might slightly care? That we were somewhat comfortable when we were together in the same room? Why did he just _have_ to have this conversation and what exactly was it going to accomplish? Was he trying to torture me? My chest tightened with the thoughts of what could happen when the two of us sat down and rehashed something I wished I could forget, but knew that I'd forever remember.

His tone was light, as he moved closer to me, and I took the opportunity to put as much distance between us as I possibly could by slipping behind my desk and pulling out my daily planner, slamming it down on the faux wood grain of the desktop. I opened it to the current month, while I held his gaze, and let my finger randomly picked a date, not caring where it landed.

Annoyed and getting closer to full-out fury by the second, I snapped, "How does next Thursday sound? I have an evening class and could meet with you around 9:00. Will that work for you?" I flashed my eyes at him and from the startled look on his face, I could tell that my non-existent poker face was hard at work again. He seemed startled by my vehement reaction.

"_Elizabeth,_ I promise you that I'll make this as easy on you as possible. Can you simply trust me on this one?" he asked, his face lined with curiosity.

I refused to meet his gaze. "Fine. Thank you for dropping my car off and when you see Rosalie, please send along my thanks, will you?" I knew my tone was clipped and unfriendly, which made me uneasy, after everything he had done to repair my car. I was desperate to change the subject, when my salvation came walking through the door.

Mandy breezed in through the doorway, with our students in tow. She looked a bit frazzled, which made sense, considering that she had single-handedly brought our fourteen students back from the cafeteria. It was our routine for me to meet her everyday after the kids' lunch and having missed our appointed time, she made her way back to the room without me.

"Mandy, I am so sorry. I got a little caught up with things here and totally lost track of time. I was just on my way to come and get you and the kids…"

She smiled sweetly in my direction, before her gaze moved to where Edward stood, in his casual stance, leaning against the wall, obviously taking in the scene in front of her. Mandy smiled that knowing smile of hers and I realized what she was thinking. _I wish…_

Mandy took a step toward Edward and looked at me. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend properly, Elizabeth? I only caught his name in passing." Knowing he couldn't see her face, she winked at me, before a ridiculous smug smile flashed across her features. I groaned inwardly knowing this little exchange was not lost on Edward.

I was able to catch the smirk on Edward's face and knew that he was reading her thoughts, which infuriated me even more. _Stupid know-it-all vampires. _Here Mandy thought she was being coy, but I knew differently – she thought that Edward and I had more of a connection than we did and I had no way to correct her without making an even bigger jerk out of myself.

Edward may have read her expressions, but knowing that he could see deep inside her mind, made my humiliation even more painful.

I soldiered on, like nothing ever happened. "Mandy, this is an old family friend, Edward Cullen. Edward, this is the best teaching assistant in the world, Mandy Robbins."

Edward extended his hand and Mandy shook it, recoiling a bit when her flesh hit his, no doubt from the cold. The first time Mandy shook my hand, she had the exact same reaction.

She hurried on, trying to cover her faux paus. "Nice to meet you, Edward. Those flowers you sent Elizabeth were lovely. I never knew that she had such nice _friends_," she teased, her eyes flashing at me.

"Mandy, it's nice to meet you. You're one lucky woman, getting to spend so much time with _Elizabeth_, but it's obvious that she feels the same about you," he responded, with that beautiful grin of his in place.

Mandy blushed from the effects of his expert charm and dazzling focus. It also didn't help that he looked incredibly handsome today, dressed in a casual dark gray suit with a white dress shirt, open at the neck, which showed off the beginnings of his perfectly sculpted upper chest.

I felt a slight tug on my dress pants and looked down to see Drew, one of my students, looking up at me with those quiet, solemn eyes of his. Drew was completely non-verbal but incredibly bright and would normally drag me around the room to show me what he wanted or needed.

"Hey, Drew. What do you need?"

He looked at me and then looked at Edward, while his head cocked to the side. He stepped away from me and took tiny steps, before he stood directly in front of Edward. He tugged on Edward's pant leg and Edward responded by crouching down in front of him. "Hi, Drew, is it? How are you?" He smiled at the boy, studying his expression. After a minute or so, Drew patted Edward's knee and then walked away. Edward's handsome face blossomed into a look of awe and surprise.

"Well, I'll leave you two to say goodbye. Elizabeth, I'll start circle time if you want to escort Edward out, but take your time. I've got things in hand here," she teased, before she flipped that beautiful blonde hair of hers casually over her shoulder and made her way to the large circular rug in the far corner of the classroom. The stereo started to play the familiar strains of children's songs and I looked to where Edward was standing.

"Well, I have to get back to work. Again, thank you for bringing my car back and for everything that you and Rosalie did to fix it. I feel like I should at least pay for the parts or something," I started, before Edward took my hands. That shock of connection making me feel guilty for snapping at him earlier.

"I wouldn't hear of it. _Thank you_ for letting _me_…_us_ help you. And thank you for finding some time in your schedule for me. I'm looking forward to spending some time with you _alone_, which will give me an opportunity to straighten things out between you and me."

I tried to hide the hurt look on my face by dropping my head and allowing my hair to create a curtain of privacy around my features. "Well, I should see you out. I can sign you out at the office; that way, I don't need to worry about you running into Gerry again," I sighed, before I looked up at Edward again.

His features tightened and I could see the beginnings of another confrontation. To avoid a scene, I headed out through the doorway. I could hear Edward behind me and I went toward the direction of the large glass doors that were at the front of the building. I stopped and turned to face him, when something suddenly occurred to me. "You know, Drew likes you."

He stopped and faced me. "Really? What would make you say that?" he smiled, even though he must already know the answer to that question.

And then it occurred to me…_could he hear his thoughts? _Before I could stop myself, I blurted it out. "Edward, could you…" I hesitated, unsure if it was appropriate to even ask, but stopped thinking for once and went with the moment, "could you, _hear him? I mean…could you hear his thoughts?_" The instant it was out of my mouth, I cringed and my head dropped into my hands, to hide my utter embarrassment. "Never mind. I shouldn't have asked. That was so unfair of me."

Even though I was desperate to know what Drew's thoughts were, wondering what they might be, asking seemed to be an unfair way of using Edward's gift.

His face dipped down, below mine, while he tried to pry my hands from my face and forced my gaze upward. "Do you really want to know?" he asked, and I could feel myself smile in spite of my embarrassment.

"Yes." I was suddenly very aware of how close we were standing.

He pursed his lips, obviously savoring the moment. "Well," he began, drawing out his response for what seemed liked an eternity, "at first he was curious about me. But, then he kept saying in his mind," again pausing for effect, "over and over again, '_Be nice to my teacher'_ and then his thoughts settled on you, Bella," he whispered so softly, I would have been the only one to catch it.

My forehead creased, as I pondered what Edward said. "He did? What on earth would he be thinking about me?" I asked.

"How much he _adores_ you. Then, he seemed to accept me, which is why I think he

patted my knee," he stated simply.

I was awe struck. "You're right. That's how Drew shows affection for people, that you're accepted in his inner circle, so to speak," I smiled, unable to hide the ridiculous grin that had invaded my face.

Without thinking, I threw my arms around Edward and hugged him, tightly. He stiffened upon my touch and I realized my mistake, hurrying to unlatch my hands from around his waist. But before I could completely unfurl my arms from him, he returned my embrace tightly, pulling me even closer to him, which brought me quickly back to reality. I was so emotionally torn in that moment. I wanted to be in his arms, but I didn't think I could deal with the emotional aftermath when he was gone.

In mere seconds, I was embarrassed, and pulled back, focusing my eyes downward, this time at the pile of the carpet of the building, while I fixated on a pull in the nap near the corner. "Thank you, Edward. It's _wonderful_ to have a glimpse into his mind."

Edward chuckled and looked pleased with the situation. "Well, you're welcome and thank you for the hug. I have to say, that boy has good taste when it comes to you," he started and then paused as if he wanted to say something else, but thought better of it. "I should go. I _know_ your students want you back," he tapped his temple and smiled, "and I hate to think of Mandy in there alone, with no one to help out."

"You're right. I do need to get back, but thank you again for…_everything. _I can't thank you enough; and don't forget to let Esme know how much I appreciate the gift basket. We'll crack those supplies open this very afternoon," I stated, as my gaze shifted up to his beautiful eyes. _I don't want you to go…_ I couldn't allow myself to think things like that, especially knowing that it would just end up hurting me in the end.

He said nothing for a moment, and then put his hand into his pocket, searching for something, when I realized he must be looking for his keys. When he came up empty, he looked at me and smiled and I realized I'd left them on my desk a few minutes earlier. "I forgot your keys on the desk. I'll run back and get them."

"I'll come with you."

We walked together in silence and reached my classroom quickly. Mandy looked surprised to see us return together. "Forget something?" she queried.

"We forgot Edward's keys," I answered, before I located them on my desk, and scooped them up, before dropping them in his hand.

"Hey, Elizabeth, where did this come from?" she motioned, pointing out the gift basket of supplies that Esme had sent over.

"Oh, it's…" I began, unsure how to respond.

He put his hands back in his pockets before he responded. "My mother sent those over, thinking _Elizabeth_ could put them to good use," he answered for me, for which I was grateful.

With that, Mandy turned back to the kids and got their attention. "Kids, we need to say 'thank you' to the nice man over there. His mother bought us some fun stuff for the classroom," she began. "Now, repeat after me, 'Thank you, Mr. Edward'," she said in a sing-song voice, her smile genuine.

In some type of unison, the kids cheered, "Thank you, Mr. Edward." Drew waved, and I glanced over and looked at Edward. He genuinely looked moved. I couldn't help but smile and notice how well he responded to the attention from my kids.

He looked at me and I smiled before I gently reproached him sarcastically in a whisper. "Edward, normally, most people say 'You're Welcome'," I teased.

He looked startled and embarrassed all at the same time, while I suppressed a giggle. "You're welcome, kids. I hope you enjoy them."

"Well, I have to get back to work. Thanks again for absolutely everything. I'll see you tomorrow night on campus?" I asked, although I already knew the answer to that one.

His dashing smile made me hold my breath. "Without a doubt. The three of us will be there. You're busy. I'll see myself out," he replied.

"Thank you. Please tell Alice and the others I said 'hi', and that I'm _really_ looking forward to the weekend," I responded.

He smiled at me once more and left out through the doorway, his graceful stride soon out of my sight as he walked toward the front of the building. I was instantly sad that he had gone, but went to the phone to let Tania know that he had left so she could mark him off the visitor log. _Was I still anxious being apart from him?_

I stood up from my seat and came around to circle time, which was almost over when Mandy smiled broadly at me. We finished the song and I sent the kids back to their seats, ready to start the afternoon when she stood in front of me with that same ridiculous grin on her face. "So…that's Edward Cullen?"

"Yes…so? Just ask the question." I rolled my eyes and braced myself for the onslaught.

"Is he…someone special to you?" she teased, but her wide eyes told me that she was waiting with bated breath for my response.

Is _he_ someone special? That question brought my heart to my knees. He _was _the most special person to me – at least the one person that I could have in my life now. That thought was agonizingly real and it knocked the wind out my lungs in one quick whoosh. I was in real trouble and knew it. I finally allowed those forbidden feelings to rise to the surface. The realization hit me so hard, I stumbled and caught the rocking chair behind me, before slumping into the seat.

"Elizabeth! Are you alright?" Mandy sounded alarmed and grabbed my upper arm.

"Fine. Fine. I just lost my footing for a second." I looked up at her and she slowly released her grip on my cold, hard bicep, before she crouched in front of me.

"I'll go get the nurse. She can check you over. You look paler than you normally do, Elizabeth," she replied, before she stood and made her way toward the door.

"No! Mandy, I'm fine. Really. I didn't get a chance to eat at lunch and I'm just a bit tired. I'm okay…there's absolutely no need to get the nurse." I looked at her, my eyes pleading with her to understand.

Her face looked torn, as her protective nature took over. She took a step toward me. "If you're sure…" she started.

I got to my feet, trying to prove my point. "I'm positive. Really, don't worry about me. You know how clumsy I can be. Let's get started on goal work, alright?" I pleaded with her.

"Okay. But if this happens again, I'm going to get the nurse, whether you agree or not – got it?" she retorted, one hand around her throat, while the other nervously fidgeted with the hem of her blouse.

"Absolutely. If this happens again, you have my full permission to go and grab Nurse Roberts," I responded, grateful that I had bought myself some time.

When I was alone, I would have to think things through and figure out how to fix this mess, considering that Edward and I were…well, what were we? Certainly not anything more than…_friends?_

My heart sunk…_now what do I do?_


	37. Chapter 36: Pleanning

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: A very special thank you to my beta, heartbroken1 - please feel better soon! Also, a very special thank you to Mandi1 who is my own personal Alice - she has single-handedly helped me plan this whole party - now if it was only a real party - can you imagine going to an event planned by Alice? Also, another thank you to grumpy grizzly...she is so good about listening to me drone on about my story and helping me with fabulous ideas, as well as streamling things. What would I do without any of them?_

_BTW...I will be posting pictures of the selections on my homepage, just as soon as I figure out how. If you're interested, check them out!_

Chapter 35: Planning

The rest of the week flew by and before I knew it, Friday was upon me. I was fortunate enough to avoid Gerry most of the week and the only time he and I crossed paths, he shot me a look that sent a slight shiver down my spine.

I kept busy and to myself, and when the kids were safely on the bus ride home on Friday afternoon, Mandy and I headed out toward our cars together, which had become our new pattern. In my heart, I knew that Mandy had an inkling of what was going on and was more than happy to be that buffer between myself and my heinous boss that I so desperately needed, and for which I was immensely grateful.

I rushed home and zipped through my routine: planning for the following week, grading papers, checking email and returning phone calls. I received two voicemails that week from John Riley, confirming the assignment I had given in class that Wednesday.

I typed up a quick email in response relieved that I wasn't caught on the phone with him this time, but I also knew that not calling him this afternoon would do nothing to deter him. He was tenacious and continued to email me several times a day. I wasn't sure how to go about handling John, since the situation needed to be diffused. But, seeing that each and every minute was precious before my appointed time to meet with the Cullens, I closed the laptop and went in to change.

I stood in my small, fairly empty closet and found that I was faced with a decision. Do I pack a bag this time? I'd spent the entire weekend with them last time, and had to rely on the family to bring me back to the house to change my clothes, especially after wrestling with Emmett.

Not wanting to seem too forward or desperate, I deciding against it. I changed from my professional attire into something more casual. Jeans and a favorite red t-shirt would do the trick.

I rushed down the stairs when I heard that the expected knock on the door. This time, I took a deep breath and attempted to calm my nerves in vain, before I yanked the front door open. I tried to hide my disappointment when I discovered Alice standing in front of me.

I forced a polite smile. "Hi, Alice. I'm ready to go."

Confusion was evident on her face, followed by a sad frown as she immediately registered my phony attempt at a smile. "You don't look happy to see me. Is there a problem?" Her lips tugged into a smirk. "Expecting someone else?" she teased, though her eyes didn't match the light tone of her conversation. Her narrowed eyes held the same ferocity as a prosecuting attorney going in for the kill during the cross examination of the defendant.

I turned my back to her, hoping she wouldn't read any more into my expression. I was not about to let her know that I was expecting, hoping, planning on Edward… O_h, my gosh – did I just admit that, even if it was to myself?_ "Of course not. Let me just get my purse and we can be on our way. But this time, I'll follow you in my car so that I can bring myself back and no one needs to be inconvenienced." I answered her hoping my voice didn't give any more of my disappointment away.

Alice moved in front of me, so rapidly she was a blur. "_You_ are never an inconvenience. Haven't you figured that out yet? And as for your car, leave it. If you need to come back this weekend, one of us will drive you, preferably me. Where is your bag anyway?" Her tone was filled with impatience, and was bordering on an insinuation of my stupidity.

"What bag?" I asked, trying to feign innocence, not willing to look her in the eye. Her question was reassuring to me because I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay desperately. But more than that, I wanted them to want me to.

With a huge overly dramatic sigh, Alice grabbed my hand and dragged me up the stairs at lightning speed toward my master bedroom and into the tiny walk-in closet. Her face betrayed her demeanor as her eyes danced merrily with excitement once again.

"Wow, these old homes sure don't have much in the way of closets. Let's see what we've got here," she began, as she started leafing through my meager wardrobe selection, rolling her eyes and shaking her head as she looked at each piece of clothing. I could have sworn I even heard a "tsk."

She stopped and looked at me with her elegant eyebrow raised skeptically. "You _barely_ dress better than you did in high school. I'm going to have to help you with this, aren't I?" She smiled at me wickedly as she asked her last question. "And what exactly do you plan on wearing to _our_ party?"

"Funny, Alice. I seem to remember having been coerced into promising you that I would put myself in your capable hands when it came to a new dress for the reception," I retorted sarcastically, before I stuck my tongue out at her.

She laughed before returning the gesture. "Well, aren't we acting like one of your students?" I chuckled feeling more at ease.

She started pulling articles of clothing from hangers and shelves and looked around for what, I couldn't imagine. "Don't you have an overnight bag?" she asked in utter exasperation.

I looked at her incredulously. "Are you kidding? I never go anywhere. Why would I have an overnight bag? The only overnight I ever have is right here in this house. It's hardly an occasion that merits packing."

She exited the closet, her tiny arms carrying most of my wardrobe, as an errant sleeve dragged across the floor behind her with each graceful step. She tossed the lot on to the never used bed and pranced back to my side. She studied me for a moment, our eyes locked before she darted out of the room. "I'll be right back."

With unsettling speed, she raced out of my room and down the stairs, slowing only as she opened the door. Nervously, I watched her through the window as she exited the house, her pace slowing to that of a human, as she popped the trunk of her Escalade. She reached in and grabbed something, before hopping up to re-latch the trunk closed.

She managed the same human pace until she got to the front door. I heard the click of the door's mechanism after she reappeared in the bedroom, folding clothing, while she smiled sweetly at me. Her posture indicated she was very pleased with herself.

I gawked at the mountain of clothing that towered next to her and tried to decipher what she had retrieved from the car. She caught my gaze and picked it up, throwing it at me. With speed that surprised even me, I caught it with one hand before it hit me in the head. I looked at the object now in my grasp and realized that it was an elegant brown leather bag, just large enough for a weekend's worth of clothes. But from the size of the pile clothing on my bed, it looked like she was moving me permanently. _I wish…_

Trying to look nonchalant, I took a step toward her. "Alice, what exactly are you doing?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes before she let out the tiniest sigh. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm packing some clothes for you, so you can stay with us, and we can spend time together _uninterrupted_," she responded. "You and I have appointments tomorrow. And given that most of the places close by five, we won't have much time to run you back home to change. I'm just saving us some time." She continued to fold clothing, before putting down a pair of slacks on a growing pile of fabric. She had an air of determination about her that I recognized. She would not entertain 'no' for an answer.

She walked toward me and retrieved the beautiful leather bag. She suddenly stood still and looked up at me, her eyes wide with realization as she finally put my attitude and comments together in her head. "You really _weren't_ expecting me, were you?" She asked, her tone accusatory. Who were you expecting to come and retrieve you?" The look on her face let me know she knew exactly whom I had expected.

"Alice, stop being ridiculous. Why does it even matter?" I pleaded, desperate to change the subject._ Please let this go…_

"What are you hiding from me? Were you expecting…" she paused, as she crossed her slender arms across her chest for effect, "…_Edward_?"

Despite her intense scrutiny of my reaction, my chest tightened and I found it difficult to draw in a solid breath. I willed my face to remain calm as best as I could. "First of all Alice, I don't need to be _retrieved_. I'm not a dog that needs to be called to heel." I spat out in frustration. "Secondly, why would you think I was expecting…" I dared not say _his_ name, "anyone else?" I tried to back up my words with a confident look in my eye, but her expression told me I hadn't succeeded.

Alice narrowed her eyes at me and turned her head to the side, and I knew she wasn't willing to give up. "I don't believe you for a minute. And just so you know, Edward has a surprise for you when you get to the house, which is why he didn't come to get you himself." I swear I saw her mouth twitch as she turned from me, but I didn't dare to hope.

My breath hitched in my throat and she turned toward me again with a smug look on her face. I knew she heard it. _What the hell am I supposed to say now?_ "Edward has done _enough_ for me, Alice," I said, desperately attempting to make my tone sound harsh, "and what exactly do you mean by appointments? Just where are we going?" I asked trying urgently to steer the conversation elsewhere.

That did it. She looked sheepishly at me and turned back to the pile of clothes on the bed, which she expertly began cramming into the bag, unwilling to face me or answer the question.

I took another step toward her, stopping her from her all-consuming task of packing my scanty wardrobe into the now bulging piece of luggage. "Alice?"

She looked up at me, transforming her face into that of a fretful child, her doe eyes wide and pleading. "Well, you're so busy, so I thought I would take some of my free time and get a jump start on things," she spoke, almost stuttering as she tried to justify her actions. "I'm just so excited for this party and I thought if I could make some of the appointments for this weekend, we could put some things in place now as opposed to waiting until the last minute. I know how you can be, Bella. You…" Grateful for the change in subject, I put my hand on her shoulder.

"Alice, it's fine. But can you tell me exactly what we're supposed to be doing tomorrow? I would like to have some inkling of what to expect." A smile crept up on me as I was again pleasantly reminded of how enthusiastic Alice could get. I couldn't contain myself when I reached over and embraced her tightly, as my body shook with laughter.

Alice gripped herself tighter to me, but suddenly I realized that her shoulders weren't shaking in amusement with me. She wasn't laughing. I released her, but maintained my hold on her arms. "What's wrong, Alice?" I implored, shocked at her sudden change in mood.

She looked up at me, her face a twisted mix of apprehension and gratitude. "Bella, I just don't know how I faced the last ten years without you – how _any_ of us did. When we met you in Forks, it just felt like our family was complete and I finally had a friend and then…" she broke off, as her gaze drifted to the floor. She shuddered as she let out a deep, shaky sigh.

I stood there silently, patiently waiting to give her a moment to collect her thoughts before continuing. She looked up at me, this time with a bright, yet forced, smile on her face. "I know Edward made mistakes. That made a mistake. I just want you to know that I'm so sorry that I never contacted you after we left. I thought about doing it a million times, but I knew that Edward would be so upset with me. He seemed so sure _at first_… I just never meant to hurt you, and now you're here, and I don't ever want to lose you again…" she continued, until I heard a small hitch in her voice, similar to a hiccup during a crying jag. My maternal nature kicked in and I felt compelled to comfort my friend.

I grabbed her into a fierce hug and held her tightly while her body gently shook. I let her grieve and resisted the temptation to calm her guilt. I could tell she needed to get this out. After a time, my mind raced as to how to comfort her. "Alice, I'm not going anywhere." She refused to look up at me so I took her delicate face in my hands, tenderly lifting her face upward until her shimmering topaz eyes returned my gaze. "We went over this that first night. There is _nothing_ to forgive and I cannot stand to see you like this. It's all in the past!" I slowly closed my eyes, remembering that my once loving relationship with Edward was part of that history. I forced the unbidden thought out to concentrate on Alice. "I don't want to dwell on what's over. Let's just focus on what's right here in front of us. We are here, now, together. Okay? Come on…tell me what we're doing tomorrow."

Her tense body relaxed a little and a small smile crossed her once anxious face. She took a deep breath before beginning tenatively. "Well, I was hoping to meet with the caterers at the university and head over to the florist. And invitations need to ordered…"

I stopped her. "Alice, how did you know that I would use the caterers from the university?"

She grimaced as if trapped and stepped back toward the bed to continue her ardent task of stuffing what was now a ridiculous amount of clothing into the bag, the leather beginning to squeak a bit as she attempted to zip it shut. "Well, I did a little research, or rather, Jasper and I did," she finally confessed sheepishly.

_Oh really…_ "Alice, what exactly do you mean by research?" I stood there hands on my hips, waiting impatiently for her response. In spite of my attempt to look serious, a smile was beginning to form on my mouth and I was happy that she had her back turned to me. Making Alice squirm was a rare pleasure. I silently chuckled at her obvious unease.

"Well, Jasper hacked into the university server and got a list of the honors students from last year and we tracked one down. I sort of…" she stopped and then whispered, "_convinced_ him to tell me all about the event."

I took a step toward her, enjoying her discomfort. Alice was shifting deliberately back and forth, unable to stand still. "And how exactly did you _convince_ him to give you all the details from the party?" I demanded in my best imitation of Esme.

Alice stopped playing with the large tassel on the bag and dropped her head, as her gaze settled on my feet. "I guess you could say…" she hesitated to voice what she thinking, "I _dazzled_ him. At least that's what Edward said you used to call it." She finally looked toward me, her eyebrows furrowed, her eyes apprehensive at my potential response.

_Man, am I glad that I stopped smiling before she turned around._ In my very best teacher voice I began, "Mary Alice Brandon Whitlock Cullen, are you telling me you used your vampire traits to _dazzle_ some poor college boy into telling you all about last year's event? _Shame on you._ He had no defense against…" I paused dramatically to drill home my point, "…your _irresistable_ qualities. How could you do that?"

"Well, I…just wanted to help, and I wanted things to be perfect for you…so your boss would be impressed, and…" she stammered on until I had no choice but to laugh out loud.

She looked briefly confused by my laughter before that confusion morphed into amused frustration and she turned the table on me. "Oh, I see…so, are you telling me that you've _never_ used your enhanced abilities to get something from a human?" she demurely asked.

I stopped short. _I was so not expecting that. It wasn't so funny when it was me…_ "Um…I wouldn't do that, Alice," I tried to answer confidently, as I shook my head a bit too vehemently. _Please believe me…_

Much to my chagrin, Alice pursed her lips teasingly. "I don't believe you. You're an awful liar, Bella Marie Swan Bla--," she stopped immediately, her eyes wide with alarm. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…" she started to apologize for what she had almost said.

I winced involuntarily, thoughts of my old life screaming to the front of my mind – Grace especially -- for a split second, before I coerced a tight smile from my lips and forced my mind away from the pain and back to the present day. "Alice, it's okay. That _was_ my name, once upon a time. It's all right. I think that we both know what it's like to have to start over and deal with identities and all that. You weren't always Alice Cullen, right? No harm done," I finished lamely. I couldn't believe how the pain had shocked my system. I had been so unprepared for the flash of memories.

"Bella, why the name…_Elizabeth Marsten_?" The minute she finished her question, I could see from the expression on her face that she regretted it. Her mouth opened to speak again, but I interrupted her.

"Alice, everyone that knew 'Bella Swan' is still alive." I thought of Charlie, and a moment of immense sadness filled me. "Well, almost everyone. It was better for me and everyone else if I just disappeared. Especially Grace." I spoke with finality, as I fought the lump in my throat from giving away my true thoughts, but Alice wasn't giving up.

She stepped toward me, her look determined, her jaw set. "Bella, why don't you contact Jacob? I mean, look at you – you teach children her age everyday, and they are _perfectly_ safe. You should be able to see your own daughter. You're no danger to her; you know that, right?" I wasn't sure how to make her or anyone understand.

"It's not an option, Alice. It just _isn't_." I looked at the over packed bag and turned to look at her. I could NOT have this discussion right now. The pain was too fresh. Just an inadvertent mention of my old name had sent it searing back through me like a sharp knife. "It looks like I'm packed. How about we leave now? Let's get a start on the weekend, okay? Sounds like we have lots to do tomorrow." I tried to keep my face smooth, but fearing I wouldn't be able to I turned from her to walk into my bathroom and collect the few toiletries I would need for the weekend, throwing them in a simple makeup bag.

I grabbed the bag and headed out of the bedroom toward the stairs, anxious to ensure the end of the conversation. Without my permission, my mind raced back to all the times that I had toyed with the idea of contacting Jacob. To just see her one more time…but even I knew that if I were granted one last meeting, it would hurt more in the long run – for her and me. _I am not strong enough to let go twice._

She was so little when I was forced to leave and I was sure that by now she had completely forgotten about me, which is the way it should be. As much as it hurt to think of her having another mother, it was best for her. My happiness didn't matter when it came to Grace.

My very first priority was my daughter, even if I couldn't be there. Any sacrifice when it came to her was worth it – no matter what it cost me. She could never understand her mother being what she was now – a monster, an immortal creature unable to care for her. No – the way things were now is how they would have to remain.

I remained lost in my thoughts, my gaze focusing on nothing in particular, when I felt Alice hug me from behind. "Alice, I'm okay. Really…come on. I pulled away from her and turned around. Look at me," I nearly commanded.

She turned her face upward and smiled weakly. "Everyone is waiting for you. Let's go," she said taking my hand and walking down the stairs at a human pace. We left the house and headed toward her SUV and hopped in. I allowed a little smile as I remembered knowing she would get me in her car sooner or later. We chatted about what we needed to accomplish the next day and I was grateful that she sensed the need to keep the topics light, until we finally pulled up into the long, graceful drive of the Cullen home.

Edward was pacing the porch, until his head snapped up, hearing our arrival. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest upon first seeing him, while I feverishly took small breaths that only intensified my nerves.

He bounded down the steps toward my side of the car and stopped in front of my door. He flashed me a broad smile before gallantly opening my door and offering his hand to me.

My whole body was filled with anxiety as I slipped my hand into his. I tried desperately to steady my heart, not the useless organ that lie beneath my hardened skin, but the one that I now knew was filled with unending love for him – a love that would _never_ be reciprocated.

He released my hand before exchanging a look with Alice, which sent him to the back of her SUV to retrieve my bag. "So you're going to stay with us the whole weekend, Bella?" he teased.

Embarrassment flooded my body. "Well, Alice sort of insisted. I don't have to if it's a bother," I countered feeling uneasy.

He was beside me in a flash, looking at me, his face tender and his voice gentle, "We wouldn't have it any other way. Besides, from the sound of it, Alice has a full day planned for the two of you tomorrow. It simply makes more sense for you to stay with us versus taking you home."

_Yep, hear that heart – once again, it's for Alice's sake…or the family's – not his,_ I thought to myself sadly. I dipped my head down, using my tried and true tactic of employing my hair as a shield so he wouldn't see my eyes full of the hurt I felt at yet another perceived rejection. I hurried up the stairs to the porch, anxious to see any other member of the family at this point and ran head first into Emmett.

"Geez, Bella, if you wanted a hug all you had to do was ask," Emmett sarcastically teased, before picking me up, completely off my feet and hugging me tightly while he chuckled.

"Hey, Emmett," I offered slightly out of breath from the tightness of his grip.

"I've missed you all week, Bella. Maybe I should have taken those classes with Edward, Alice and Jasper, since _I _only get to see you on the weekends. It's not nice to play favorites, you know," he said while he put me back on my feet, the porch creaking when they made contact.

I smiled back at his huge frame. "Well, there's always next time. And besides, I don't see you as the poetry type," I chuckled. I found myself starting to relax.

Rosalie came forward and hugged me. "Don't let that big silly exterior fool you, Bella. Emmett is definitely the poetry type…" she began, before Emmett tore her from my embrace and threw her over his shoulder, smacking her squarely on her bottom.

"Hey, you promised never to tell," he teased, his laughter taking over. Rosalie acted as though she was fuming but eventually started to laugh, her high elegant voice filled with love. Emmett put her down and she kissed him hard, as her long arms wrapped themselves around his neck. His tightened around her slim curvaceous waist and pulled her even closer to him.

Witnessing all this love and affection was beginning to unnerve me and I absentmindedly raised my arm in front of my chest trying to shield that gaping hole. The pain lessened when I was with Edward, but it refused to close entirely knowing that he was lost to me. _I'll have to settle for what I can get…_

Esme met me at the door, embracing me tightly. "We've missed you, Bella. Maybe this week, my children could bring you to our house to visit after classes versus them monopolizing you all week at your home," she said, giving Alice and Edward a reproachful look.

I smiled appreciatively in her direction as we made our way inside. "That might be a nice change of pace," I answered her.

Edward placed the bag containing my clothes under the large round foyer table in the middle of the room and turned back to me. "I gather that Alice may have mentioned I have a surprise for you?" he asked.

"She may have said something," I replied coyly though my emotions really ran toward suspicion.

"It's up in my room. Come with me," he urged.

_His room?_ _Alone? _What was I supposed to do about that? He walked back toward me, his eyes full of some type of mischief, and my stomach tightened as my now-constant friend, panic came to join us. He offered his arm to me, which I cautiously accepted, not willing to look him directly in eyes, just knowing that it would be my undoing.

He led me toward the staircase of the home, his pace matching mine. I reached toward the banister, to ensure I wouldn't have yet another idiotic moment of clumsiness. I honed in on my senses, frantic to find anyone who would join us. Surprisingly, I wasn't as disappointed as I thought I would be when I realized that they weren't anywhere in the vicinity.

I fleetingly remembered the first time I visited the Cullen house in Forks. Edward played the piano for me and when he was finished I had noticed that everyone had left. He explained then that they were trying to give us our privacy. _Why on earth would they be doing that now?_

From the corner of my eye, I could see Edward turn toward me. "So," he began, "anymore trouble with your _boss_?" he questioned. His tone betrayed the harshness that lie just beneath the surface.

Closing my eyes before taking a deep breath, I restated, "You said you'd drop it."

We had reached the first landing when I became even more acutely aware that we were alone. _Completely alone._ _I was afraid of him, of what I felt when I was with him. _He paused and stepped in front of me. "I won't bring it up again, but you need to remember that we are here for you…_all of us._ _None_ of us wants to lose you…not now, not after so long." His eyes were smoldering, his face so close…I stepped away from him, heading toward the steps that led to his room. In a blur, he was in front of me again.

I sighed, feeling trapped by the emotions that made me want to reach out to him but settling for making eye contact. "Edward," I began, taking a deep breath to try and emphasize my impatience with the direction the conversation had taken, "I can take care of myself. I've been doing it for so long now and surely you must understand that I don't need a hero swooping in, saving me."

"Let me just say this and I won't bring it up again. If he continues to bother you, continues to harass you…" he said, his jaw tightening and his hands clenching into fists as he visibly fought to stay calm, "I want you to let _me_…let one of _us_ know about it. Promise me, Bella."

"No." The word burst out powerfully and forcefully.

"Bella," he said, his tone full of reproach, which infuriated me.

"I don't believe in promises," I replied flatly, unwilling to lose control in front of him.

"What?" he asked, his tone sharp.

Sighing again from the agony of my feelings, I tried to explain. "I don't make promises – not anymore. For me, they simply don't exist. So don't ask me to _promise_ you anything, because I _won't_ do it." I spat. "I also don't believe anyone who makes promises, either." I took a few deep heaving breaths fighting for control before I continued, "He can't physically hurt me, Edward. Now can we just drop this?" My stubbornness sprung forth, like a suit of armor readying me for the battlefield.

Edward had never made me a promise – never promised that he would stay with me forever…but I had made a promise to him – a promise that I broke…memories of the motorcycles, the cliff diving…all the dangerous and reckless things that I had done after he left came back to me in an overwhelming rush of images.

Jake had promised to love me forever – so many times he told me that it would be forever. "A lifetime of servitude," he once joked, and that hadn't worked out either.

I was sick of promises, sick of the emptiness, sick of something that for me was a cruel myth. I found I was fidgeting with my ring, focusing on it instead of Edward. My mind was dizzy from the swirl of pain filtering in after my rant. I steadied myself before I forced myself to meet his gaze.

Edward looked at me sadly, before his face smoothed into that stone mask that I was much more accustomed to. "I'm not worried about him physically hurting you. I know that _you_," his eyes softened, "can take care of yourself. I'm not worried about physical harm to you. I'm worried about you emotionally."

"_Don't bother_." I'd had enough of this conversation. What difference did it make that he cared about me emotionally when in reality the one part of my life I wanted him to care about made _no_ difference to him? I was ready to turn on my heel and go find any other member of the family when Alice appeared out of nowhere.

"Have you shown her your surprise yet, Edward?" she scolded, though her tone was light.

I was still looking at the floor and was just about ready to go back to my house, regardless of how depressing that option was. I felt Alice's tiny hand slide inside of mine reassuringly, and she led me toward the second staircase that was the only way to access Edward's room.

We took the stairs quickly, Edward right behind us before we reached the landing where his door was shut. Edward stepped in front of us, his face still tight with confusion about what I had just told him, as he opened his door. Every light was on and what was once a clean open space was cluttered with stacks of multiple CDs, sheet music and an open laptop on the couch.

Taken aback, I blurted out. "What is all this?"

Edward tentatively stepped to my side, pointing out things. "Well, Alice is helping you with the more physical part of planning. I thought I could help with the music. When she and Jasper did their," he paused, smiling smugly at his sister, "_research_, she found out about the music last year. Really, Bella…only a _DJ_?" he mocked.

Groaning internally, I shot back, "Look, it was my first time doing this and I had _no_ clue what I was doing, so cut me a little slack." I surrendered to the teasing in an effort to ease the tension between us.

Edward's ridiculously handsome face softened, his grin back in place as he continued. "Well, I thought given your theme, it would be apropos to have music from every decade, so I've been compiling lists for the party and took the liberty of contacting several decent DJ's in the area. I hope that's acceptable," he put forward.

Instantly, I felt extreme remorse for my treatment of him on the landing. Here he was trying to do something nice, something special…_for me._ Once again, my heart and head were in a battle.

My heart wanted to read more into this, while my head argued that it was just Edward being nice for his family's sake – being that perfect gentleman._ Who cares about the "whys"? He did something nice – now practice what you preach to your students every single day._ "Thank you, Edward," I murmured.

_Nice…can we try a little bit harder, Bella?_

"There's more," he offered.

_Now what?_ "Really?" I asked, trying to keep my voice level calm. I forced my eyes to look up at him, and he took yet another step toward me. Taking my hand in his, he led me toward the piano. Piles of sheet music were everywhere – his room was starting to take on the qualities of Alice's.

"I thought it might be nice to have a string quartet and pianist play, maybe during the meal and then interspersed through the evening. Not all of _your_ guests are college age students, you know," he teased, his beautiful topaz eyes twinkling at me.

I got his double meaning. It was disconcerting at times, looking at Edward's perpetually young face, knowing that although he _looked_ seventeen, in fact, he was closer to a hundred and twenty. Edward enjoyed all types of music, but I'm sure even Carlisle might enjoy something a bit more classical in nature. Surely a four hundred year old vampire might enjoy dancing with his wife to something other than hip-hop or classic rock & roll.

Edward was the perfect person to help plan this part of the reception, and I was instantly grateful for the help. And from the looks of it, he had gone to so much trouble. I found a genuine smile to offer him. _Why can't he just love me?_

"Thank you, Edward. Really…I'm sure that everything you've planned is well thought out and will be enjoyed by _everyone_. I did get a few complaints last year that the music wasn't well-rounded. I'm sure that the more _seasoned_ guest," I smiled at him and then at Alice, "will enjoy a change in eclectic selection. I hope you didn't go to too much trouble."

Edward smiled at me, almost seductively. "For you, there is no such thing."

I rolled my eyes at him and turned my attention to the sheet music, before Edward briskly swept them out of my hands. He put his hand to the small of my back and gave me a little shove in the direction of the couch. "Take a look at the list on the screen," he motioned toward the laptop a bit brusquely, "and you can see the lists categorized by decade, artist, and genre," he explained.

Alice piped up then. "Tell her the rest, Edward," she encouraged.

I looked back up at him, my hand urgently wanting to brush his untamed hair out of his eyes and off his face and then to linger on his beautiful cheekbones and brush his bottom lip with my thumb. I fought the urge and struggled to keep my eyes from betraying my heart.

"Well, I took the liberty of interviewing a few groups in the area this week by phone and I have some demos that I thought we could listen to this evening, so you could make a final decision. They're all available the night of the party and that would at least save you a few steps," he said, his eyes willing me to accept this gift of kindness.

_How could I not?_ "Sure, we can do that tonight or whenever you have some time this weekend," I confirmed.

Edward's mouth morphed into one of the most beautiful smiles I had ever seen. "Whenever Alice can spare you, I'll be waiting," he breathed out heavily in relief. He had apparently been expecting more of a battle.

We continued to talk for a few minutes, until Alice announced that we should watch a movie or two. All of the real planning was done. Tomorrow would be here soon enough and we would make the final decisions then. We joined the rest of the family downstairs and settled into the living room, Emmett lifting one of couches and placing it aside the other, like it weighed no more than a coffee mug.

Carlisle was home from the hospital, and joined us, sitting next to Esme. Rosalie took her usual spot on Emmett's lap, Alice and Jasper cuddled on the floor and I sat on the sofa, off by myself, while Edward sank into the rug below me, close enough for me to touch.

The temptation to reach out to him was almost unbearable and completely distracting. I found it impossible to watch the movie because every time he shifted his musky scent wafted up to me and thank goodness no one asked me what I thought of Alice's choice of films. My eyes kept drifting to where he sat, my heart screaming to crawl into his lap, kiss him, run my fingers through his hair…_this was impossible._ I shifted my position on the couch as I tried in vain to focus on anything other than him.

The morning dawned, overcast as usual, and Alice and I got an early start. I skipped hunting for a day, grateful for the reprieve of forcing myself to feed. That was one of the best parts of the weekends, whether I was with the Cullens or by myself. Not being amongst too many humans made it so that I didn't need it and it was wonderful. Though now I really didn't struggle with the bloodlust, I couldn't allow myself to become complaisant.

Alice hustled me into the Escalade and we were off, listening to some indie group that I had never heard of. She chattered nonstop or sang along with the station, while I just sat back and enjoyed her company.

Being with Alice was so uplifting. I could just sit back and bask in the easiness of our company. I was relieved to be nowhere near Edward for a change, though I panicked that he might join us earlier this morning. It was crazy – one moment I wanted nothing more than to be near him but the pain of knowing that we wouldn't ever be together again made me just want to run.

The complexity of having him in my life was impossible to manage. My heart and head were in a constant battle and neither was winning.

We stopped at the printers, ready to select _the_ invitation. True to form, Alice already had what she wanted in mind and we merely pretended to grapple over which one to pick. If I were being honest, I would have just let Alice plan the entire thing without me, but being with her brought me immense peace and made me laugh like hell.

"Bella, if we pick the black and white one, it won't go with everything else we picked. When your guests receive this, I want them to be more than excited as to what they can expect when they actually attend," she argued for the benefit of the clerk.

"Alice, the ones you want are so much more expensive," I countered fulfilling my part in this good cop/bad cop scheme.

Alice dramatically drew the attention of the young boy at the desk, strutting a bit, her eyes batting at him before she turned on her infamous vampire charm…charm that was magnified because it was, well..._Alice._

"Oh, I really want these invitations, _Elizabeth,"_ she sighed significantly.

I decided to continue to play along, fearful what would happen if I didn't. "Alice, we have a budget. You know that. It's not like we can change the price," I argued with as straight a face as I could manage.

"Can I just pay the difference?" she questioned, low enough so that I would be the only one to hear her.

"No," I shot back, just as quietly.

Alice looked up meaningfully at the counter clerk, widening her doe-like eyes at the young boy, who leaned closer to her in response, his mouth agape. "I wish there was _something_ that we could do," she practically begged.

The young boy, whose cheap plastic nametag announced his name was Tyler, looked at her, his blush making Alice lick her lips in response, which made me step up behind her, ready to drag her out by the hair if necessary. "Well, maybe I could help," he stammered, obviously dazzled by Alice.

I growled at Alice, low enough so that she alone could hear it. "Alice, don't push this too far," I warned.

Ignoring me completely, Alice leaned in further, her arms pushing her tiny bust together to create some bogus cleavage, as she let out a heavy sigh, "If only you could help. I'm not sure what I'll do if we can't get _that_ invitation," she said softly.

Tyler leaned in and whispered, "I could charge you the price of the black and white ones, make it a discount…you know, since it's for the University," he offered, his smile widening as Alice continued to bat her eyes at him shamelessly.

"You could?" she exclaimed, her grin widening, as she lifted her face fully to look at the poor boy.

"For _you_," he blushed again, before dipping his head lower, as shyness took him captive, "absolutely. Why don't we write up that order?"

I clucked my tongue, to show my obvious distaste for Alice's tactics. She turned around and grabbed me about the waist, murmuring in my chest, "See…you did need me," she boasted.

"Alice, I _cannot_ believe you just did that. That poor boy never knew what hit him," I shot back in feigned annoyance. I couldn't help but smile at her as I added, "_Nice job_."

Tyler came back and started the order form, selecting the beautiful dark red and black invitations with matching envelopes. I just sat there and let Alice do her magic.

By the time we were ready to leave, she had talked him into addressing the envelopes at no additional cost. I just shook my head at her boldness, but was grateful for her dazzling prowess. This planning was indeed different than it was the year prior and a whole lot more fun.

Alice was successful at the florist as well. The poor owner, an unsuspecting man named Chris, was so taken by Alice's charm that he suggested the much more expensive French anemones instead of the more affordable Gerber daisies that we had originally picked out…and for the same price! Again in a velvety dark red, with variegated centers, the low glass vases with chocolate brown velvet ribbon complimented the theme that Alice so lovingly planned for the event.

When we got to the culinary supervisor at the University, Alice's luck ran out. The woman in charge, Nikki, seemed unnerved by Alice and would only deal with me. The previous year, she had had the same response to me, which didn't surprise, given that her self-preservation tactics were working properly. Alice continued to look at menus and linen choices, while I dealt with Nikki. When we left, we both felt confident that this party would be a huge success.

We finished the day, grateful that things were in place. I looked forward to the event for the first time, yet anticipation made butterflies flutter in my stomach. I had a feeling that something _big_ was going to happen.


	38. Chapter 37: Rhyme Time

Chapter 35: Rhyme Time

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

All poems belong to their respective authors which are notated in this particular chapter.

Grumpy Grizzly owns the original piece of poetry specially created for this chapter. (Thank you, girlfriend!)

_Author's Note: A very special thank you to grumpy grizzly, who not only wrote an original poem (three actually for me to choose from!) but also helped me outline & write this chapter – in all reality, she really co-authored this chapter…saved me when I was about to give up! Also, a shout out to Mandi1 for helping me find suitable poems and assignments for Bella's students, as well as coming up with a clever name & subplot that EVERYONE should be able to spot…these ladies amaze me!_

_As always, heartbroken1 – you rock! Honor these special ladies by checking out their stories!_

Chapter 37: Rhyme Time

Edward's POV

_Wednesdays are wonderful._ How's that alliteration for you? I looked forward to every minute I got to spend with Bella, but Wednesday nights were a bit different. Creative writing was something that I already enjoyed, and it was obvious that when Bella was up in front of the room teaching me and the rest of her students, the Bella I fell in love with was still lurking inside her new harder shell. She had always loved reading, and the idea of teaching a whole new generation of writers was something I could sense that she cherished by her demeanor as she pulled her students into each lesson.

As customary for my family, Jasper, Alice and I arrived early, taking our regular seats in the back, carefully avoiding too much interaction with the humans around us, but that didn't keep them from staring or thinking about us. Sometimes the things I heard when I would allow their thoughts to drift to my consciousness were humorous. Sometimes, they weren't. Visual images were oftentimes so much worse.

"_I want to be anywhere but here right now."_

"_Damn it. I forgot to bring that poem. Maybe the professor will let me email it to her."_

"_Wow. That guy is just beautiful. I can just imagine…"_

That was more than enough. I focused on anything other than the young human woman's erotic thought in the front of the room despite her gaze being intently focused on me. I forced my mind to search for another, making myself reach out further, looking for _his_ annoying thoughts. _John Riley._ Even his name aggravated me. I was relieved to discover he wasn't there as my eyes furtively scanned the room when my mind didn't hear him. _Skipping class?_ I'm certain that Bella wouldn't look too kindly on that.

On cue, Bella breezed into the classroom, her hair long and straight, swishing with every step that she took. She looked beautiful in a light gray silk blouse with slacks that were a complimentary darker shade of gray, her high heels clicking with each step she took on the ceramic tile floor. I had yet to see her in dark blue, but I could be patient. She wasn't going anywhere and my eyes and heart could wait.

She reached her desk next to the lectern and dropped her purse and bag, rifling through them until she pulled out several small manila folders and our textbook. She looked up and I caught her eye. She smiled shyly at me and the sight of that transformation of her face took my breath away. The photos I kept of her, the memories of her face, her scent, her smile…my mind didn't do her justice. My rational mind finally kicked in and reminded me to acknowledge her with a nod.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Alice give her a quick wink and Bella responded in kind, her smile widening.

Alice's thoughts called to me. _"I'm wondering what poem you brought for her tonight, Edward."_

I smiled in her direction, knowing full well that she knew exactly what poem I had brought for Bella. She could _see_ it and I couldn't have cared less. In my heart, I was hoping that when she read it, the words would prepare her for our talk next week. My mind was momentarily filled with what I could say to her, knowing how important this moment would be. I would finally tell her why I lied to her. I would gratefully confess everything and beg for her forgiveness.

But that was next week. Tonight, I had the opportunity to just watch her. I couldn't tear my gaze from her, and appreciated the fact that as Bella's student, my staring could be chalked up to paying attention.

Alice's idea for taking her classes had been one of her best, and I repeatedly thanked my sister every night after we were done, grateful that I had more time to spend with Bella. The fact that Bella worked so much made it difficult to see her, so I was grateful for whatever chances I could get.

"Welcome back, guys," Bella began. She walked to the front row with the now familiar attendance sheet in her hand and gracefully passed it to a student, asking her to pass it around.

Her voice was angelic and every melodic word made me tingle with pleasure. Her enthusiasm for teaching was infectious and my only current regret was that I hadn't registered for every class that she offered. The fact that she had somewhat happily agreed to us joining her two nights a week was a miracle and I didn't want to push my luck.

The time in between, the days and long, lonely nights was difficult to endure, but knowing when I would see her made it easier. Alice called her every evening, and I would sit in the same room, my eyes closed as I listened to her laughter and conversation; just the sound of her voice brought comfort to my lonely heart.

She took both hands and gathered her hair, pushing it back from her face and bringing it to rest over her right shoulder. "Alright. Your assignment last week was to bring in a poem, and I hope that _most_ of you remembered. If you forgot, I'll cut you some slack and you can email it to me by Friday," she said, with a slight chortle.

I heard the same individual that lamented his forgotten poem sigh internally, grateful for his stay of execution. I chuckled internally, knowing that _my _Bella was a gracious teacher, intent on being more than fair with her students and wanting them to be successful. I had witnessed that personally when I visited her at the elementary school yesterday. I stood there in awe of her, administering to those little ones. Their thoughts and hearts spoke volumes of their love and adoration for their very special teacher, my angel. My heart swelled in pride for her and her accomplishments.

"Tonight, I thought we'd dissect a poem, talk about its meaning, its ah…" she searched for the right word, as her hands circled the air, "interpretation. It's possible for two people to look at the same piece of poetry and find two entirely different meanings, which is totally okay. Each person has a different perspective and I'm interested in finding out what each of you thinks of your partner's piece. There are no wrong answers here as long as you can explain your thought process."

I smiled, thinking I would love to partner with Bella. My eyes quickly scanned the room and I grimaced realizing that there were exactly enough students for groups of two. Bella most likely would wander the room, checking on the progress and offering assistance.

"So go ahead, and find a partner," she began, turning back to her seat. "Once that's done, I'll show you what I'm looking for in terms of this assignment."

I was left to my own devices when Jasper and Alice turned to one another, leaving me out in the cold without a cohort. The same young woman from the front of the room bolted toward me, her movements similar to a bullet being fired from a gun. "Edward," she began hesitantly, "I'm Terri. Wanna partner with me?"

The slightly husky voice jolted me from my bemused state and brought me back to the matter at hand. Her thoughts reminded me to be a gentleman. "_I hope he doesn't think I'm a total idiot. Shoot! I shouldn't have done this. He's looking at me like a caged animal and I'm some deranged hunter holding a bowie knife. Stupid!"_

My heart warmed toward her a little, her innocence and terrified eyes endearing me to her. "Of course," I replied warmly, nodding in her direction and attempting a weak smile, while I grabbed my bag and following her back to her seat. I caught the appetizing scent of her blood, cinnamon with a citrusy mix.

While we made ourselves comfortable and I attempted to tune out anything except

Bella's voice. I watched her every move, imagining my hands running through her dark, shiny hair. My moment of sweet contemplation was harshly interrupted by the loud squeak of the heavy steel door and I registered his thoughts for the first time this evening...s_o much for a relaxing night._

His thoughts were firing off in rapid succession. _"I can't believe I'm late. What must she think of me? I never should have taken that stupid shortcut Joe suggested. And that dull meeting! Next time, I'll just leave early. Let them fire me." _

John Riley strode purposefully through the door, heading straight for _my_ Bella. He leaned in, way too close for my liking, while his hand made contact with her arm, sending my overactive protective nature into overdrive.

Jasper's thoughts and calming gift drift toward me. "_Edward, calm down. Hold yourself together, man. You made her a promise to be on your best behavior and if you tear this guy apart, that won't exactly endear you to her."_

I could hear Alice's echoing thoughts and forced myself to remain calm and still my face, while I listened in to his whispers, grateful for the augmented ability to pick up their conversation.

"Ms. Marsten, I am _so_ sorry I'm late. I should have called and let you know that I wouldn't be here on time. It's not like me to do things like this…" His tone was pathetic – pleading, but I reluctantly admitted that his thoughts seemed sincere. He was panicked that she would be disappointed, but unfortunately I knew exactly what Bella's response would be.

"It's Elizabeth or Beth, remember? And don't worry about being a little late. It happens to the best of us. We were just getting started," she said, her whispering voice warm and encouraging.

My jealousy crept to an all-time high when I watched her smile warmly at him. That was _my_ smile and those welcoming words should be for _me._

"Well, Elizabeth, I appreciate your understanding. I _swear_ to you that it won't happen again. Do you forgive me?" he asked.

_Ridiculous._

She threw her head back slightly, her face in a beautiful smile, while she laughed quietly. "Yes, of course. Now go find a partner and have them explain to you what I discussed before you arrived," she directed, her hand shooing him in the direction of the students' desks.

I cringed, knowing there were no other available _students_ and my fears were confirmed in seconds.

"Elizabeth," John Riley began with a pretentiously hopeful tone, "it appears that there are no partners left," as he waved his hand toward the expanse of the room, showing that all of the students had found a mate, while we sat in pairs. "Would you like me to join a group and make it a threesome?" he teased.

She rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head. "No, that's unnecessary. I'll partner with you. Pull up a chair and we'll get to work in a minute."

My heart sank. Riley's thoughts were ecstatic as an insipid fantasy started playing in his head.

"_Well, I never thought that being late would be a good thing. I can't wait for her to come and sit near me. She smells so amazing! Wouldn't it be great if our eyes meet and when I took her hand, she would smile sweetly at me, her eyes willing me to kiss her? I would love to kiss those full lips, to gently stroke her cheek, to tell her how much she's starting to mean to me. I look forward to every moment we're together in the same room, and I'm so sad when it's time for us to part."_

My stomach turned with his thoughts, but the mental images were much worse. This idiot had no concept of how wrong he was with his misplaced affections.

Bella placed a transparency on the overhead projector. Her voice rang out clearly and everyone was enrapt in her explanation. "This is a poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay called "I Think I Should Have Loved You Presently". We're going to work on interpreting stanzas and you'll all see what I will expect of each of you tonight."

_I think I should have loved you presently,_

_And given in earnest words I flung in jest;_

I knew this poem and my heart, once again, realized how much she still must love Jacob Black. Her face betrayed nothing as she spoke, but her right index finger and thumb twirled that tiny gold band on her left ring finger. I wanted to remove that ring and crush it in my hand, but instead willed myself to focus on her face and listen to the gentle cadence of her voice.

"The first stanza, to me at least, discuss how we shouldn't procrastinate sharing our love with those we care about. We often joke and tease when we should tenderly reassure," she began.

His thoughts rudely crashed into my mind again, and I couldn't help but glare in his direction. _"I should tell her how I feel about her. How much of a thrill for me it is every time I see her name in my email inbox…or how much I enjoyed our phone conversation the other day. I could have talked to her for hours."_

Was this guy serious? When did they talk? Email? When did they email? What on earth would they be talking about? _Please tell me its school related…_

I refocused myself on Bella, doing my best to block Riley's thoughts.

_And lifted honest eyes for you to see, _

_And caught your hand against my cheek and breast;_

Bella smiled softly. "Anyone want to take a chance and tell me what this verse means to them?"

A young woman raised her hand from the other side of the room. "Well, I think it means that honest communication both emotionally and physically would show someone how much you love them."

"That's excellent. Just what I was thinking," Bella encouraged.

Her voice moved to the background as the idiot upfront screamed his thoughts at me, _"I would never lie to you. You are so perfect. Perfectly beautiful, and kind, and smart… I would spend the rest of my life kissing those lips. I heard she's a widow. I would find a way to help her get over him and move forward…with me. I could be so patient for her…"_

Ugh! Who is this guy kidding? He doesn't have a chance with my Bella! He's human! She would never—my thoughts stopped right there as I remembered that she was human when we first met. She sang to me, or at least her blood did. My stomach twisted with unease. I fell in love with a human. Had she or worse, was she beginning to? Did I find her again just a little too late, like before…? No, I refused to ever think of that again.

Was she responding to him the way I responded to her all those years ago? Was it possible? Worse – did she just find him attractive? Was she drawn to him for other reasons? I knew that Bella had sensory issues with blood, but…wait? Widow?

That made perfect sense. For all intents and purposes, Bella was a widow. Her life, her ex-husband, her daughter – they were lost to her now. Every resident in La Push and Forks believed Bella to be dead, and if she was still in love with Black, saying that she was a widow was definitely a good way for her to characterize her relationship – as did the ring she wore as a tribute to the love she still held in her heart for that mongrel.

_Still, I won't give up. I can't. She belongs with me…_

Bella's voice brought me back to the task at hand, her sweet voice continuing with the evening's discussion.

_And all my pretty follies flung aside_

_That won you to me, and beneath your gaze,_

Bella looked around the room wickedly, her eyes eager for a volunteer. A young man near the front of the room stood. "We all make mistakes, but if you got that special look from someone, that look that encourages and welcomes you in, you just might be willing to share what you're feeling with the one you love."

"Perfect. Exactly what I was looking for," Bella praised, as she wrote down the young man's answer in the margins of the overhead transparency.

I made the biggest mistake of my existence leaving Bella. I knew that even before I said goodbye, knowing that my lies to her would end our relationship. I knew that I couldn't live without her, that my days would become even more of a shadow of an existence than they already were. She was my other half…the most important thing to me...even more important than my family. She was my true _mate._

_Damn it._ I tried so hard to block the next thoughts from the human now sitting by Bella's desk, my eyes watching as his ridiculous grin grew wider. I was feeling more and more uneasy and concerned that maybe there was more going on between the two of them than I could deal with.

But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape his thoughts. "_She would never have to be afraid of telling me anything. I would love her no matter what. I wonder why she got off the phone the other night just when the conversation got interesting…"_ What could they possibly be talking about? He may think that she could confide in him, but how would he respond when he finds out that she's not human?

I froze, my mind stuck in that thought like a CD on endless repeat. Bella _never_ cared that I was a vampire. She knew it before I confirmed her suspicions, and yet she still accepted me – unconditionally with complete and total love. Could this man, this human, accept it as well? In our world, there were occasional humans who were attracted to vampires, who went through the painful change to never have to face losing someone they had fallen in love with? My Bella had wanted that at one time. Could this human, this man, do that as well? Could he replace Jacob Black in Bella's heart?

_What the hell am I supposed to do with that knowledge?_ I forced myself to relax, grateful that our talk was set so I could put these fears to rest. I needed to set things straight, for her to understand that I still loved her…that I had _never_ stopped loving her and to tell her that I would never be as sorry for anything as I was about the fact that I had left her…had left _us_ behind. My only fear was her rejecting me, ordering me away from her. Would she be _willing_ to give _us_ another chance…to give _me_ another chance?

_Naked of reticence and shorn of pride,_

_Spread like a chart my little wicked ways._

I waited…smugly. I waited and braced myself for John Riley to come up with some sick, twisted, inappropriate fantasy regarding Bella and his idea of "wicked ways" to assure me that his feelings for her weren't genuine. I concentrated on him and heard nothing…nothing but reverent thoughts of Bella. _My Bella_. My unease returned tenfold. This wasn't like her insidious boss, Gerry. Riley's thoughts…they were real and seemingly the beginnings of love…at least in his heart. Were they the same in Bella's?

Bella looked up at her congregation of students before a young woman raised her hand. Her words interrupted my discomfort. "The writer is hoping they can overcome their fear of rejection and win the love of the person they are hoping to be with."

"Well done. Now here's a challenge. Two verses – any of you feeling brave tonight?" Bella teased.

_I, that had been to you, had you remained,_

_But one more waking from a recurrent dream,_

_Cherish no less the certain stakes I gained,_

_And walk your memory's halls, austere, supreme,_

I could hear Alice's thoughts as she raised her hand. I looked up at her and her eyes caught my gaze. "In these two stanzas, I think the poet is suggesting that maybe, if this person felt their feelings were reciprocated, they might feel that they were worth his attention and that no matter how the relationship turned out, it would always be a pleasant memory instead of just dreaming it was a possibility." I turned back to Bella, trying to keep my face calm.

Bella smiled broadly at her friend. "That is exactly how I would have characterized it, Alice. Thank you." Bella turned to the projection screen, her small hand touching that part of the poem with reverence and a little sadness on her beautiful face.

The pain I felt at this revelation pierced through me like a knife wound. How could she continue to hold Jacob Black in such regard? He left her. Fell in love with another. He couldn't even protect her. Finally able to block out the nuisance of John Riley, my still heart cracked at my thought.

_A ghost of marble of a girl you knew_

_Who would have loved you in a day or two._

Bella turned to us once more. "I'll finish this up so we can get started on our in-class work. Millay ends with feeling like a mere echo of who the lover once knew, yet knows that in her heart she will love him forever." The sadness on her face deepened and my heart echoed her emotion.

I looked up at her, and all the horrible thoughts in my mind were confirmed. I knew it. Her words cemented the depth of her feelings for her ex-husband. She wouldn't make eye contact with me, but the revelation of her words hit home. She would forever love Jacob because she is the mother of his child – a child that was lost to her now – and he put her back together when I left. No matter what happened, that whole marble girl thing hit close to home, and she's still in love with that stupid half-breed!

My fingers ran through my disheveled hair, as I tried to come up with some way to help her past this, to hopefully find a way for her to start to accept my love..._again. _But had she ever _really_ loved me? _She did love me once…I couldn't believe anything other than that._

"So, now that you know what I'm looking for, I want you to select one of the poems in your group and on a separate sheet of paper, write down your interpretation of each stanza. I'll give you guys twenty minutes," she explained.

Bella took a seat opposite John Riley and my insatiable desire to destroy this human returned forcefully. He offered her a pen and paper, which she gracefully accepted with a light laugh. He leaned closer to her, sniffing her hair when she wasn't noticing, causing an involuntary growl to escape my chest.

"Did you say something?" Terri asked.

I looked up at her and saw the beginnings of fear on her face. "_No_. Which poem would you like to use," I answered, smiling at her, trying to distract her, and remembering how Bella used to be dazzled when I would smile at her. The memory of how she couldn't form a coherent sentence around me or would stumble warmed my cold heart. I was snapped out of my daydreaming when I heard my brother's and sister's thoughts reminding me of where I was and that Bella could hear me scaring the poor human sitting next to me.

Terri looked shyly at me and answered, "Maybe we could use yours, if that would be alright."

I nodded at her and we got to work, talking lightly and exchanging courtesies. It was obvious that this human, like so many other women, was drawn to me. I did my best to make her comfortable and before long we were laughing quietly. I noticed that Bella was watching us, continuing to shift her gaze to us from time to time, the look on her face one of confusion, before her forehead creased, and her lips pursed.

I may not be able to read Bella's thoughts, but I recognized that expression. _Was she…jealous?_ My heart soared and I did my best to stifle the grin that spread to my entire face. If she were, in fact, jealous, it would make next Thursday night even more special. I tried not to read too much into her reaction, but it was impossible to control the stirrings of hope that sprang forth in me. Now, if only Jasper could confirm my suspicions. Did Bella have any clue she was blocking him?

Terri and I finished just as time was up and readied ourselves for the next challenge. We didn't have to wait long.

Bella stood, her face still filled with lingering traces of what appeared to be frustration, her eyes looking elsewhere in the room, fueling my suspicions. "So, who would like to share a poem?" Bella challenged.

"I would," Terri said while she stood up from her seat, the subtle scent of her blood lingering in my nostrils. I focused my complete attention on her, forcing a small smile, hoping that my actions might earn me more insight in regards to Bella's feelings. If she thought that I was the least bit interested in Terri, she might give me more clues as to how she really felt about me. I felt bad about using this poor woman, but I needed all the help I could at this point.

Terri cleared her throat before she began. "This is from my favorite book of poetry that I found in a secondhand bookstore when I was in high school. It's called "And Yet, None of It's Mine" from a little known sixties beatnik poet name _Tony Masen_."

I froze in place. I could hear Alice's pencil snap, followed by the giggle that she didn't try to stifle, and I looked up to their seats just as Jasper covered the beginnings of a smirk with his hand. I glared at both of them, before I heard their thoughts.

"_Well, there's a name I haven't heard in a while, Edward,"_ Alice snorted.

Jasper followed suit._ "I never knew you were so famous, brother. Too bad she had to purchase it in a used bookstore."_

Their internal laughter irked me, and I forced my stare from them to focus on Bella, whose eyes had grown wide. She looked directly at me, her expressive features telling me that she_ knew._

_Oh why did I ever send that stupid manuscript to a publishing house?_

Terri read the poem with exaggerated feeling, her eyes looking at me from time to time, while I focused on her, not willing to look back at Bella, whose stance was now challenging. Terri obviously had this poem memorized. Bella's slender arms crossed her chest, while she stood with her feet apart, one of her delicately heeled shoes tapping a gentle rhythm to the ridiculous one of my poems that Terri was now reading. I wanted the earth to swallow me whole. _And why did she have to choose this one?_

_Twirling, Whirling, Spinning._

_Intertwined._

_Heat, Friction, passion, _

_And yet, none of it's mine._

_Kissing, hugging, dancing_

_Love flows._

_Comfort, Ease, Companionship._

_And yet, none of it's mine._

_Marriage, Fate, Destiny,_

_Together._

_Partners, Companions, Lovers._

_And yet, none of it's mine._

_Another night passes._

_Another day flees._

_Another day in someone's arms_

_And yet, none of it's mine._

Terri finally finished reading and I was anxiously looking at my watch, hoping that class time was over. _No such luck…_

Bella suppressed a laugh before commenting, placing her hands on the back of her waist. "Well, thank you Ms. Hatch. That was very… _interesting_. I think it's time for a break. Let's say fifteen minutes?" she suggested.

Most of the class left their seats, and I reluctantly made my way back to where Alice and Jasper sat, still enjoying themselves at my expense. I glowered at the both of them.

"What's the matter, Edward? Didn't you enjoy your partner's choice of poems?" she teased, her eyes full of merriment.

Jasper clamped his hand on my shoulder, his usual placid features morphing into an absurd grin. "Personally, I think that poem lacked substance. Surely she could have found something with less," he paused, looking toward the ceiling before continuing, "morbidity."

I pushed his hand from my shoulder before I heard Bella call to me. "Edward Cullen, may I have a minute?" I could hear her trying to choke back her laughter and I turned, ready to face the firing squad. My feet forced my body down the steps, coming to a halt in front of her.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked quietly, forcing my eyes to look up at her.

"_Tony Masen_? You have got to be kidding me," she whispered, humor still apparent in her voice.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I lied darkly.

"Really? That name sounds very familiar to me, Edward _Anthony_ _Masen_ Cullen," she hissed back.

_When the hell had she learned that?_ "How did you know that…my full name?" I asked, knowing full well that I had never told her about that part of my human life.

Bella suddenly looked embarrassed and her gaze drifted to her desk, as she fussed with her folders. "Carlisle told me, the night of _the_ party," she trailed off.

I instantly regretted asking her and started to apologize. "Bella, I'm…" I began, so quietly I was afraid she would miss it. She looked at me with horror and I realized that I had broken the first ground rule she had asked of us.

I hurried to apologize, but John Riley chose _this_ moment to interrupt. "Elizabeth, can I speak with you for a moment?" he asked politely, much to my chagrin.

Bella looked up at me before responding. "Thank you, Edward. Would _you_ excuse us for a minute?" she asked, her tone suddenly professional, if not a little cold.

I nodded politely in her direction, not trusting my voice, and fought the urge to shoot Riley a look, much less knock the smile off his face. I made my way back to my siblings, my ears and mind traced on the conversation about to take place.

"What's up?" Bella asked, using a much warmer tone with him.

His thoughts raced between anticipation and pure anxiety. "A little birdie told me that you are planning the annual party for scholarship recipients. Is that correct?"

My head involuntarily shook, knowing why he was this bringing up. I took my original seat and kept my head down while I focused exclusively on the exchange taking place at the front of the room.

"I am chairing the event, which in essence means I'm planning it. Why?" she asked, her voice laced with a bit of concern.

Riley's thoughts were nauseating. "_Yes. This is even better than I hoped." _I looked up just in time to see his smile grow wider. "Well, considering that I am here on a full-ride scholarship, I was wondering if I was invited to this event. I was at last year's party, and I'm hoping that I'm still in your good graces," he offered.

_Was that idiot trying to flirt with her? He's pathetic at it. __It's true…jealousy is not my friend._

Bella smiled at him. "Well, I haven't looked at the entire list, but I'm sure that you're on there somewhere if you're a scholarship recipient. I had no idea you were at last year's event, but I was new and just trying to keep my head above water." Bella laughed nervously. "The invitations should go out shortly," she replied.

John Riley took a step toward her and my jealousy kicked into overdrive. Jasper put a hand on my shoulder and his thoughts urged me to calm myself.

"I remember _you_ from last year's event. You had on this great little black dress and looked so incredibly beau-… _busy_," John said hurriedly. "I don't think you had any fun at all, which is a shame -- it was a great party."

"Well, I'm there in an official capacity. It's my _job_ to ensure that things go smoothly and that _you_ guys have a good time. If I have fun, it's secondary. But I'm glad that you had a good time last year. I'm hoping that this party is just as successful," Bella said.

"Well, consider this my RSVP. That is one party I wouldn't miss, especially if you're going to be there. Save me a dance?" he pleaded.

Jasper tightened his grip, holding me in my seat, my jealousy taking over and making me want to rip this Riley idiot limb from limb. How dare he ask _my_ Bella for a dance? Besides, Bella didn't even like to dance, nor did she care for parties. We had all learned that the hard way. I was sure that Bella would let him down easy to save his fragile ego.

"Well, I'm not exactly there to enjoy the festivities, but I'll see what I can do," she replied, laughing lightly and shaking her head in what appeared to be disbelief.

I sat there awestruck. This human had basically secured a dance with Bella…_my Bella._ My heart dropped to my knees and I focused my gaze on my desktop, unwilling to look at them, talking intimately to one another, like there was no one else in the room. Alice's thoughts called out to me.

"_Edward, don't worry about it. Remember, you'll be there too. We all will, and we'll figure this out together. Please don't fret. I think we all know that deep down inside, Bella still has feelings for you. I was there with you in Forks, too.. remember? The way that Bella looked at you, the fact that she put herself in danger every single day to be with you – she loved you Edward and I believe that she still does, deep down. I've seen things that tell me that she's ready to have you back in your life. But, she's been through so much and it's important that you try to remember that. Don't rush her – she's lost too much already and it's important that she figures this out first without it being pushed on her. You've lost so much too, but your chance is right here, waiting for you. Just remember that you both have plenty of time to make this happen. You just need to remember to be patient. If there's anything you're exceptionally good at its patience, remember?"_

Alice's tone was light, and I plucked up my hurt feelings, trying to refocus on the rest of the night ahead. With any luck, my conversation with Bella next week would resolve all of this, or at the very least, have us starting new. I just had to believe that it was going to work.

The fifteen minutes were up and students were reconvening in the classroom, as Bella once more took her spot at the front of the classroom. I did my best to push all negativity from my mind and focus on the remaining time I had with her this evening.

"Well, does anyone else want to share their favorite poem?" Bella asked.

I had fully intended to share my poem with her, but given the events of the evening, I decided against it. She would read it anyway, while she graded papers and I was hopeful that she would understand that this was how I felt about her. I tore through book after book of poetry, looking for just the right one. I'd found several that I felt conveyed my feelings for her, but decided on e.e. cummings, "i carry your heart with me".

_i carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)_

_i am never without it (anywhere _

_i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done _

_by only me is your doing, my darling)_

_no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want_

_no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)_

_and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant_

_and whatever a sun will always sing is you_

_here is the deepest secret nobody knows_

_(here is he root of the root and the bud of the bud_

_and the sky of the sky of a tree called life: which grows_

_higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)_

_and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart_

This poem conveyed exactly how I felt about Bella. Ever single day, for the past ten years, I carried the memory of her and our love in my heart. She was my compass, my purpose and I loved her more today than I did all those years ago. I just desperately needed her to understand that.

More of the class shared their poems, along with my siblings.

Jasper, in his usual style, chose "How to Die" by Siegfried Sassoon, a war poem that reminded him of his past; both his human life and the years he spent as part of Maria's army, before finally finding his life's focus, our sweet Alice.

_Dark clouds are smoldering into red_

_While down the craters morning burns._

_The dying soldier shifts his head_

_To watch the glory that returns;_

_He lifts his fingers toward the skies_

_Where holy brightness breaks in flame;_

_Radiance reflected in his eyes, _

_And on his lips a whispered name._

_You'd think, to hear some people talk,_

_That lads go West with sobs and curses,_

_And sullen faces white as chalk,_

_Hankering for wreaths and tombs and hearses._

_But they've been taught the way to do it_

_Like Christian soldiers; not with haste_

_And shuddering groans; but passing through it_

_With due regard for decent taste._

Finally, Alice chose "Past, Present, Future" by Emily Bronte, which made sense, considering her gift and the love she had for those around her.

_Tell me, tell me, smiling child, _

_What the past is like to thee?_

_An Autumn evening soft and mild_

_With a wind that sighs mournfully._

_Tell me, what is the present hour?_

_A green and flowery spray_

_Where a young bird sits gathering its power_

_To mount and fly away._

_And what is the future, happy one?_

_A sea beneath a cloudless sun;_

_A mighty, glorious, dazzling sea_

_Stretching into infinity._

When we were done sharing our poems, Bella grabbed another transparency, centering it on the overhead projector. She started to speak, but my mind had trouble keeping up with what she was saying. Tonight had been emotionally exhausting, my thoughts jumping between John Riley and Jacob Black…two men that were a part of Bella's life, whether I wanted them to be or not. It wasn't my choice. The question was…_what part did I have in Bella's life? Did I have any?_

Bella turned to us and handed the closest student a stack of handouts. My mind fruitlessly tried to catch up with what she had just said, but to no avail. "Please take one and pass them on to your neighbor. I need you to write out a response poem for the one that I have provided to you. Don't worry about length or format so much. Just do your best and use the ones I have given you as a guide. Well, that's it for tonight. I'll be looking for those reply poems next week. If you have any questions or need assistance, remember my office hours or send me an email. Goodnight," she said.

_What did she say? _Knowing that Alice and Jasper would catch me up on the assignment, I hurried to finish gathering my books and was planning on accompanying Alice and Jasper to Bella's desk to retrieve her for the evening, which had become our custom. Again, that idiot beat me to the punch.

"Elizabeth?" John Riley said.

"Do you have questions about the assignment?" Bella responded, her beautiful face tilting toward him.

"I was wondering if you were hungry. Or if maybe you'd like to join me for a cup of coffee," Riley tentatively offered.

Bella looked a bit startled, her hand flying to her neck in response. "That is a lovely offer, but I already have plans for the evening. But thank you for thinking of me," she answered far more tolerantly and kindly than I liked.

My fury toward this human was building. Had I been honest, my jealousy could be chalked up to my stupidity in even allowing this man access to Bella. If only I had never left her…_but I did_.

_And I had no idea how far flung the consequences of my choice would be…for any of us. _

* * *

One other quick note…somehow I blocked all fanfiction email from my inbox Sunday afternoon, so if any of you sent me a PM and I didn't respond, please send it again if you wish…I'm still catching up on correspondence. The problem is now fixed…thanks!


	39. Chapter 38: The Talk

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: As always...thanks to heartbroken1 (who helped me find Jacob's voice so effortlessly), grumpy grizzly and Mandi1...all fabulous!_

_Also, thanks to all the wonderful ladies at the Twilight Moms website...they begged for an earlier update - so here it is! Enjoy! _

Chapter 38: The Talk

Edward's POV

Standing on the front porch, my hand in a loose fist to knock on her front door, I found it impossible to calm my nerves. After more than a decade, I was going to tell her the _truth_, the real reason I left her; intent on pouring my heart out to this beautiful woman and then beg her to forgive me. My mind and heart had raced the entire day, looking for just the right words that might secure her understanding and forgiveness. This time I would tell her everything, including what I had been doing the past ten years for her and without her – even the things that my family wasn't aware of.

_I won't allow myself to think of this evening being a failure…I just can't face that possibility after all this time._

With a glance at my watch telling me it was two minutes to nine, I gently knocked on the door. Straightening my light jacket, my hand rushed through my hair for the millionth time today, and I readied myself with what I hoped was my most dazzling smile.

My family had barely been able to stand me the entire day; even Jasper finally resigned himself to leaving the house with Alice rather than attempting to calm me because my anxiety hit an all-time high. They all seemed excited and annoyed all at the same time, which did nothing for my mood. My heart volleyed back and forth between pure joy and utter despair, unsure of how she would react to the revelation I was about to thrust upon her.

The door swung open and my heart was more than ready to see her beautiful face, but instantly I realized it was twisted in sadness and pain. My mind raced to fix the situation, unsure as to what could have happened to make her so troubled.

"Bella?" My voice was frantic, unable to hide my concern for her.

Bella had been so against setting up this time for us; my heart sank with the revelation that her mood might be attributed to me.

"Hey," was all she able to utter in return. She wouldn't look at me, instead shifting sideways, allowing me access to her home.

Stepping inside her small foyer, I was surprised to find every light was turned off. Even if my unforgiving eyesight couldn't see the pain so clearly written across her face, I knew that she was distressed, and my heart broke for her just like it had every time I had seen her upset. I could feel her despair palpably in the air. The only thing I was unsure of was why.

The lone light in the house was emanating from an open laptop on her tidy living room floor, the screen facing Bella's modest sofa.

"Bella, what happened? Did Gerry do something to you again?" I asked, instantly letting my mind assume the worst as my fists clenched, ready to defend my love.

Bella laughed a tiny, pathetic laugh, her palms digging into her eyes. "No. I'm fine. Come on in. Let's get this over with," she replied, her voice flat but with a distinct edge of sorrow.

I took a step toward the living room, but she rushed in front of me and slammed the laptop shut roughly before she turned to face me. The sudden complete darkness did nothing to hide her grief. My feet instinctively carried me closer to her, but she sank to the floor, her graceful hand caressing the closed laptop.

Crouching in front of her, I reached for her hand, only to have her snatch it from me. Feeling dejected, but not ready to give up, I spoke. "Bella, what's wrong? Tell me what happened." I tried to keep my voice steady and encouraging.

"You wouldn't understand. No one would," she answered, her voice so low and full of pain that I was finding it difficult to not sweep her into my arms and hold her until the ache passed.

"Maybe you're right, but can't you at least _try_ to explain it to me," I challenged her, hoping for some relief in her mood. It wasn't working.

She took both of her hands and hid her face in them, her hair creating a wall around her features. The pain rolling off of her was impossible to watch, but I fought my instincts, and sat quietly as I waited for her to feel comfortable enough to confide in me. I didn't have to wait long.

Her hand returned to the laptop, again gently caressing the top, as if it was the most precious thing that she owned. I took it as a subtle hint that whatever was hurting her was associated with it so I gently pulled it from her unresisting grasp and opened the lid, waiting for the screen saver to fade when I pressed the touch pad, but what I saw then took my breath away.

On the screen, in an open email window was a beautiful picture of Bella. _No_, not Bella exactly, but a little girl that looked just like her, with luminous russet skin and long, shiny, black, straight hair. She couldn't have been older than four or five, her laughing smile highlighted by a missing front tooth. She was dressed in lavender and was looking off to the side, obviously amused by whatever was going on in the background. Bella's beautiful human brown eyes were prevalent, her heart-shaped face and full lips so completely unmistakable, I knew that Bella must have looked just like this as a child.

Bella let out a muffled cry as her head dropped to the knees that she had brought tightly against her chest. The sound of that whimper was my undoing.

Without thinking, I swiftly wrapped my arms around her, gathering her to my chest, my hands gripping her hair, as I tried to find _any_ words that would bring her comfort. I could find none. She shook in my embrace, gently at first and then violently, as her crying jag took complete control. Unsure of what to do, I tightened my grip before asking the obvious, "That's Grace, isn't it?"

Not a sound. Rather a subtle nod, as another round of dry sobs rocked her petite form. She grabbed onto me for dear life and I tightened my hold torn between the paradox of feelings I was experiencing. I was so happy to have her in my arms and clinging to me, but I was terrified at the depth of her grief. I was grateful for once to finally remember that she was no longer a fragile human. _But was she fragile?_ Emotionally, she was a mess. How long had this gone on? And where did this picture come from? I distinctly remembered her telling Esme that she didn't keep pictures. Was this what she meant? "Bella, I'm here. Talk to me. Tell me what this is all about," I pleaded quietly.

"I don't…" she answered.

Her voice choked with those same quiet sobs rendering her unable to speak for a moment but I decided to try again, more directly this time. "Bella, where did this picture come from?" I asked gently.

She pushed against my chest freeing herself from my embrace. I wouldn't allow myself to wallow in the disappointment of her distance. More silence, as her fingers ran wildly through her hair before her tormented face looked up at me and uttered the one word that could make my dead heart feel as though it were breaking. "_Jacob_."

My mouth dropped open without my permission. Shock didn't begin to cover what I was thinking as my mind raced with every detail of every conversation we had shared since finding her again. She _never_ once mentioned that she was still in contact with Jacob, but upon closer examination, it wasn't my business. She had an entire life with Black outside of me…outside of all of us. She owed us _nothing_…no explanations and absolutely no trust with her private life.

I pushed those thoughts from my mind before blurting out, "I had no idea that you were still in touch with Jacob."

"_I'm not_."

The silence in the room was tangible. In all my years on this earth, I don't remember ever being so confused. None of this was making sense. This seemed to be a fairly recent picture, as Bella lost Grace when the little girl was barely older than two. If she wasn't talking to Jacob, how did she have this photograph?

Her head was still hung low and ever so gently, my hands cupped her face and lifted it upward, her eyes were glistening with tears that could never fall. Even in her utter despair, her face was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. "Bella, talk to me. If you're not talking to Jacob, how do you have this picture?"

Her lips barely moved as she responded, the agony in her words so deep it hurt me physically to hear it. "He sends them to me…_everyday."_

I stilled my face, knowing it would betray the hurt. The way she spoke of him left no doubt in my mind. She still loved him…_unconditionally_. I'd never have a chance with her now. This was my doing; if I had just stayed, never lied to her, just loved and protected her, she might still be with me. Instead she was pining over a man that left her to be slaughtered by Victoria, losing her daughter and entire life in the process.

Her loneliness and abject misery tore at me, but her gentle voice brought me back to reality. "Isn't she beautiful?" she choked out.

"She does look like just like you, Bella. Of course she's beautiful," I replied quietly and sincerely. She truly was a beautiful child. "How long has Jacob been sending you pictures of her?"

"Since the very first day. Since Christmas day, after I left Forks," she said, looking up at me with a sad smile on her face. "I look forward to and dread this part of my day the most. But I need this. I need to know everyday that she's alright and that Jacob is keeping his so-called promise," she replied, her eyes not leaving the picture of her child on the screen.

"I don't understand. If you're not talking to Jacob, but he's sending pictures of Grace to you, how does he know your email? I don't mean to pry, Bella. I'm just trying to understand."

She paused, her feminine fingers delicately touching the screen, almost as if she were trying to make physical contact with the precious little girl in the picture. "That first year, I hunted Victoria. I thought of nothing else. I couldn't exist in society. My eyes were…well you know. They would betray what I had become. On cloudy days, I would wander towns, picking up her scent. I kept my head down and just kept looking."

"Then one day, the sun came out suddenly and I had no choice but to run into the first building I could find," she lightly laughed, a bit of hysteria prevalent. "Imagine my surprise when I realized it was a public library. I could tell that it'd be a while before I could leave, so I tried to make the time pass as quickly as I could. I found a computer, far in the back, that wasn't being used. It was the middle of the day and there weren't many people around, so I took a seat and launched an internet window. I read some news articles, and was shocked at how much time had passed. Time just isn't the same for us, is it?" she asked.

"No, it isn't," I replied quietly, hoping she would continue.

She seemed to be so far away, even though she was directly in front of me. I had taken her hand and was relieved when she didn't pull away this time. "I had a sudden thought. I went to an old email account I could barely remember and struggled to remember the username and password. I was curious to see if anyone had…" she paused, as her eyes closed tightly, "written to me. If _anyone_ had sent a message. Possibly Angela or even Jessica…maybe Mike – they all left Forks after high school. Went to big colleges and made successes of their lives. Maybe they didn't know I had died. I typed in the address, my heart already prepared to know there would be nothing there but junk mail and spam, but when the account opened, it showed hundreds of new messages…_messages from Jacob_."

My whole body screamed to hold her, to cradle and rock her – to tell her it was going to be okay. But it wasn't. She was in so much pain and there wasn't anything that I could do to make it better, nothing that I could do or say would lessen the torture that she was feeling. I had never been a parent. Even Carlisle and Esme, as much as we called them "Mom" and "Dad", might not fully comprehend how Bella was feeling. Esme's child had died, while Bella's child still lived. "So you saw all these messages from Jacob; what did you do?"

She gently removed her hand from mine, as she laced her fingers together, stretching them and clenching them, back and forth. "I couldn't stop myself. I opened the first one, and I saw her. I gasped, which drew attention to me," she said, her eyes focused on the fireplace. "I _never_ thought I would see her again. The idea of having a photograph of Grace was so foreign to me. At first, my mind couldn't register what it was seeing. And then," she paused, as her breath hitched in her throat, "I couldn't stop. I opened message after message. I had to force myself to stop and start over from the beginning. I went to the first message that Jacob sent me, that very first day after the pack forced me to leave," she explained.

Looking at her, I noticed that her face took on an almost ethereal quality, as she recounted that day, one I'm sure must have been wonderful and horrific all at the same time. I didn't utter a sound, anxious that she would continue to confide in me. What I needed to say was secondary to this.

"Opening that first message was…well I'll never forget what it said," she said.

_My Dearest Bella,_

_I have no idea if you'll ever receive this message, but I have to try. Saying I'm sorry, sounds so lame, but I am, Bella. I am so sorry for everything that has happened; for everything you've lost because of my failures. I can't bear the thought of you out there all alone, eventually forgetting about us. _

_Grace is safe. We have extra patrols going around the clock and the entire pack, minus Paul, has been helping out. Paul's choices have shown us that he can't be trusted, and we were forced to disassociate ourselves from him. Although he remains on the reservation, per Sam and me, no one is to have any contact with him. For all intents and purposes, he is no longer part of us._

_I'm so sorry. I will never forgive myself for any of this, and my promise to you of keeping Grace alive and safe will be my first priority. I never let her out of my sight and will continue to be her shadow until the threat of Victoria is destroyed. She will never be left unguarded. You never need to fear for her safety. I made you a promise and this is one that I will keep, no matter what the cost._

_I wish that Sam's order hadn't prevented you from taking some of the things that you might need. I'm sorry for that too. My hope is that you're getting along okay without them. _

_I've attached a picture of Grace opening her gifts from you under the tree. I know it's not the same as being with her, but I want you to know that she is safe, healthy, loved and cared for. _

_She misses you very much and asks for you all the time. I've told her that you had to go away for now, but that you love her very much. Someday, when she's old enough to understand, I'll explain that you didn't have a choice; that you left because you love her. I went by your place and picked up her gifts, so she could have the things you picked out for her. She loves the doll you gave her and refuses to ever be without it, even in the bathtub. _

_I promise to continue to send pictures of Grace to you so that you can watch her grow. _

_Bella, please contact me when you get this, just so that I know you're okay. I know I have no right to worry about you, but I do. You will always have the piece of my heart that will forever be missing. I'm so worried about you. Please let me know where you are, if for no other reason than so I can keep you updated about your baby girl…our daughter. _

_Again, I promise that I will protect little Grace with my very life. She will stay safe. I swear it._

_Always yours,_

_Jacob_

Bella twisted that damn ring on her finger, _Jacob's_ wedding ring, while her eyes closed as she recounted every painful word of that email.

I was angry. I was frustrated. I was so utterly devastated for everything that this woman had lost. My feelings of revenge against the mutt returned with a viciousness I hadn't felt in years.

Another feeling took over then. The most overwhelming feeling coursing through my veins was rage…_toward myself._ Only ten years ago, Bella wanted to spend eternity with me. She'd told me countless times that she loved me, and begged me to change her so that we could be together forever. And now there was nothing. Nothing left for me.

_I am so selfish._ I forced my focus back on her. "Did you write him back?"

"No, not exactly. I just couldn't."

"I don't understand. What do you mean by 'not exactly'?" I questioned needing to know it all.

She looked up at me, her eyes brimming with those tears that refused to fall shining with such an intensity, I was momentarily startled into stillness. I could see the debate going on inside her mind…whether or not she was going to tell me. "I've only written back…_twice_."

"Bella, what did you tell him? Does he know where you are? Does he know…_anything_ about your life now?"

Bella snorted as a pained yet angry look flitted to her eyes. "Life? You call this a life? You have to got to be kidding me," she paused, looking around her home angrily, taking a deep breath before continuing. "At least Grace will have a life. At least my baby will have what I never did. She's safe, and she will continue to be that way. Victoria is gone and I'm putting things in place, and…" she trailed off, before rushing to stand and walk away from me.

She went to the fireplace, gathering materials from an adjacent basket to start a fire. The way her hands moved quickly, building a small pyre, told me that she did this regularly.

"When did you write back to him? What did you say?" I asked.

"The first time was when the daily emails stopped. I thought that maybe he just couldn't get to a computer or that he was out of town. After a couple of weeks, I panicked. I didn't realize how they kept me going until they stopped coming. How that picture of her would keep me focused when I was hunting Victoria. I couldn't get to a computer everyday, but when I could, it was like a precious gift. Just to know that she was alright and looked happy was all I needed."

"You said you contacted him. What did you say?"

"When I realized that he had stopped emailing, I opened the last one and hit 'reply'. I didn't know what to say so I wrote 'Thank You' and sent it. I just needed the emails to continue, to get pictures of Grace everyday. I couldn't go on without them."

I moved behind her, her shoulders starting to shake again as those wracking sobs began to take hold. I wanted to pull her to me and tell her that I understood, but instead I settled for placing my hand on her shoulder lightly, giving it a squeeze in a feeble attempt to reassure her. "It's natural that you would want to see her, Bella. It makes sense," I said.

"No. It's selfish. She's better off without me. But Jacob started sending the pictures again. He was relentless, wanting to know where I was and wanting me to contact him, and…" her voice had turned cold as she dropped her head to the large mantle.

Selfish? What on earth was she talking about? This was her daughter. Even Alice and Rosalie needed Esme, biological daughter or not. They relied on each other. "Bella, she is your little girl. She needs you, just like you need her. There's nothing selfish about this situation."

"It is selfish. She has another…" she paused as she drew in a huge shaking breath, trying to halt the sobs, "…mother now. I'm sure that Jacob has Meghan and they are caring for her, loving her. That's all that matters now."

"You are still her mother. You said that yourself, that first night," I reminded her.

"Not really. I may have given birth to her, but she's not mine. Not anymore," she answered despondently. "At least I took care of Victoria. At least she's safe from her."

From the tone of her voice, I could tell that arguing that point would only hurt Bella more, so I tried to change the subject. "Bella, what happened with Victoria? How did you kill her?" The minute the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them when I saw Bella's shoulders stiffen and her head pop up, looking at the mirror above the fireplace.

"I've never talked about that, Edward," she answered in a low firm voice.

"Bella, I'm sorry. It's none of my business. I shouldn't have asked," I stated.

Bella removed a match from the box, striking it against the raised honeycomb panel and lit the fire, the flames quickly lapping up the dry kindling she had placed around the larger logs set in the wrought iron holder. "No, it's a natural question. I'm surprised that Emmett didn't bring it up when I was over at the house last weekend."

"Carlisle wouldn't let him. He didn't want you to feel pressured to share anything unless you were ready," I told her.

She turned to face me, her eyes cold and black. Getting used to the change of her eyes, from the expressive brown I remembered from her human days to the golden topaz they were now was difficult, but being faced with these colorless orbs shook me to the core.

For the first time, I was unnerved by Bella. If there was any doubt of her being a vampire in my mind, those eyes would forever help me remember.

"You remember that I said I hunted her that first year, that I could pick up her scent and track her that way. I had no idea what I would do once I found her, but it was the only thing that made sense at the time. The fact that she knew about Grace terrified me. I _had_ to protect her," she said her voice filled with a fierce fear that was impossible to miss.

"What happened when you found her?"

"I didn't even know where I was when I picked up her scent. I just realized that I knew that she was close; her scent was incredibly strong. I kept running through the woods. It was getting dark and I knew that if I didn't catch her, she'd be hunting, looking for her next victim."

Bella sank to the floor, her feet tucked under her at the outermost edge of the rug. Her figure was illuminated by the increasing flames behind her, which made her look much larger than the gentle woman I loved.

I sat down, careful to not make a sound, knowing that she was about to tell me something I still had a difficult time imagining. Despite Bella's newborn strength, Victoria was so much more cunning than my Bella. She would have advantages that Bella wouldn't even begin to imagine. I closed my eyes, knowing that Victoria could have easily killed her and that I would still live, never knowing that what had really happened to her.

"I could see her red hair, glimpses of it as she ran. It was like she knew I was there…that_ someone_ was behind her. She kept running until I finally called out her name," she recounted.

"_Victoria!"_

"She stopped and spun, her speed so startling that I started to feel fear. I had no idea what would happen, but I wouldn't let her get away this time."

"_Well look what we have here. So how was your first meal? Did you come to thank me?"_

"_My daughter is fine. Your little plan backfired. She is alive and protected by the pack."_

"She smiled, her teeth pulled back over her shiny, white teeth. I subconsciously took a step back in fear, and the look on her sneering face told me that she knew she was in control."

She lifted her chin and she looked down on me in disdainful disgust. '_Do you really think the pack can protect her? They didn't protect you, now did they?' _She rolled her eyes before she added, "_Must I do everything? I'll take care of you, and then I'll go back and finish what you should have…I'm sure that she'll be a tasty little snack. Like I said, there's a price to be paid, and both you and your little brat's death will barely begin to cover it." _She was hissing and growling at me ferociously.

"My rage started to build, Edward. I couldn't control it. She was standing there, threatening me and then started threatening my baby. I took a step toward her as we circled each other. She continued to goad me," she whispered, her gaze solidly focused on the floor.

"_Do you actually think you're any threat to me, Is-a-bella?" _

"She was taunting me in her most sing-song voice. It was high, and disturbingly feminine in tone which was in complete contrast to how menacing she looked. Her eyes were narrow and as black as an eclipse. She had her lips pulled back over her teeth that looked like glimmering daggers waiting to sink into something…someone…me. Instinctively, I kept creeping forward, as she lunged at me. She missed me, but I got a hit in. That made her angry."

"_So you want to play with the big girls, do you? You'll pay for that. You and what's her name? Oh that's right, Grace. I'll make her suffer before I kill her. She'll scream for her mommy and there won't be anything you can do to save her this time. I'll enjoy torturing her, listening to her scream in pain before I make a meal of her. I don't normally play with my food, but I'll make an exception this time."_

"Edward, I thought of Grace and what Victoria would do if I failed and...I lost it. I became this monster. I couldn't control myself. I hurled myself at her in absolute fury and she hit me, knocking me to the ground. The sound was monstrous when we crashed into one another," she said.

"_You will never touch my Grace."_

"She came at me again inflaming the emotions of rage and hate within me. Before either of us knew what was happening, she flew at me hitting that shield I didn't even know was there. She hit it hard, sending her flying across the grass and slamming her forcefully into a tree. That was all the encouragement she needed. She shook her head and started running…away from me. I wouldn't let it end there. I don't know where it came from, but I started feeding her lies to provoke her into staying and finishing this."

"_James ran the same way…fleeing like the coward he was before Edward and his brothers ripped him to pieces. He was begging pathetically for mercy."_

"She stopped in her tracks, turning, her eyes black and vengeful as she hissed at me."

"_My James would never beg for mercy. You're lying."_

"_Since he's dead, you'll never know."_

"My taunting enraged her. She ran at me, faster than I had ever seen anyone run before. Her hands were extended and ready to rip me to shreds. She was hissing and growling louder and higher in her fury and when she got to where I was standing, she hit that shield so hard it sent her flying, slamming her into some large boulders. She hit it so violently that when she fell back to the ground, I could tell something was different about her. She got up but wasn't able to stand straight. She ran, but because she was injured, she couldn't move as fast."

"I took off after her, as she hissed ferociously at me over her shoulder. I caught up, knocked her to the ground and started mercilessly beating her, my fist pounding into her face over and over. All it was doing was making the most horrific sound, like an avalanche of boulders. I had her pinned to the ground and instinctively, I grabbed one of her hands in mine, and using all my strength, I snapped it off. The scream she produced was deafening. It just spurred me on, Edward. I couldn't stop. I flung the hand aside and started tearing her apart, slowly, torturing her for what seemed like hours, wanting her to feel what she had threatened to do to my Grace. Eventually, she couldn't even fight me any more and I ripped her arm off, while she just lay there, looking at me wildly and desperately. I just looked into her eyes and kept going despite her screams becoming more intense."

"I got to the other hand and snapped each finger off, one by one, relishing the look on her face as I took my time, even yanking out chunks of her hair. I couldn't fathom why she wasn't fighting me harder, but now I know that this blocking thing was holding her in place. I was on top of her, holding her down and she couldn't move. I just sat there, taking my time, removing this threat against Grace piece by piece created a pile for the fire. I made sure I looked into her eyes so she would know that she was no longer in control until she finally she begged me for mercy."

"_Please stop. I'm begging you."_

"_I'll stop when you're gone. You would never let me get away with this if I let you go."_

"_Then just finish me and get it over with."_

Bella's face's was emotionless as she told me how she finally had broken Victoria's body into small pieces and removed her head with her teeth and hands. It was harrowing to listen to. This delicate girl that I had fallen in love with, so human, so clumsy, so gentle had become a force capable of destruction, but given what Victoria had taken from Bella, it was more than reasonable. _It was how it __had to be._

"I'm a _monster_."

_What?_ "Bella, why are you saying that?" I asked.

She looked at me, her eyes back to the familiar golden shade that made my family a cohesive unit in so many ways – I looked at her, knowing how much I wanted to make her a permanent part of that life. Her face held that frailty, that same tenderness I was accustomed to and I struggled to make sense of her words.

"Edward, I understand what you mean now. I'm no longer _human._ I'm this soulless, damned creature capable of unthinkable atrocity." She shook her head as she closed her eyes tightly, unwilling to look at me. She took a slow breath before she continued. "I _enjoyed_ killing her, Edward. I didn't realize it until later, but I smiled the entire time I dismembered her body and lit that fire. I sat there for hours, watching it burn, watching the smoke rise into the sky. I was _happy _that she was dead. I took _pleasure_ in it, Edward. That isn't _normal_."

I looked at her before crawling closer to where she sat. Facing her, I sat as closely as I dared, the fire continuing to crackle behind her. The popping of the logs was the only sound in the room. I could tell neither of us was breathing, and I chose my next words carefully. "You are _not_ a _monster_. You are a _mother_ who was determined to protect her daughter. I'm not a parent, but that has to be the most _normal_ feeling in the world. No one could expect any less of you than to protect your child. You did what you had to do. And Victoria was not some human that you killed without thought or consequence. She was the _monster_, Bella, not you."

She attempted a weak smile, a small pitiful try that made my heart shatter for her all over again. "Well, it's over. Grace is safe now and that's all that matters. And besides, that's not why you're here. You've been more than patient. I _know_ what you want to talk about, so let's just get to it," she said listlessly.

_She knew!_ How could she know? She knew I lied to her? Did she know this all along and just tolerated my presence? I didn't know what to think. Most importantly, did she know that I still loved her? "Bella, how can you possibly know what I'm here to talk about?" I tried to keep the tone of my voice calm, not wanting her to hear the panic that was beginning to creep in.

Confusion filled her face. "Edward, I've known since that first night when you walked me to the car. Why do we even have to talk about it? Things didn't work out. Why do we need to rehash it? I just can't…" she trailed off.

_Can't just what? _"Bella, I just need to know that we are on the same page. I have things I need you to understand," I answered.

The look of pain and utter exasperation on her face stopped me in my tracks. "Edward, I understand completely how you _feel_ about me. We just don't feel the same way about each, not anymore. Why can't we just leave it at that? Really, this talk is completely unnecessary."

_Unnecessary? _Yes…she was right. We didn't feel the same way…_not anymore._ I loved her so completely, and she no longer felt that way about me. My heart splintered into tiny pieces, the pain almost unbearable. "Bella, I…"

She grabbed my hands, forcing me to look at her. The look on her face was intense, though I couldn't quite place the emotion – maybe desperation? "Edward, can't we just be friends? Can't we just pretend the past never happened and try again, this time as friends? If nothing else, can't we try for the sake of your family? Would that be too much to ask?"

Her beautiful face pleaded with me to understand, and I knew I could deny her nothing. "Bella," I began, my voice as steady as I could make it, "of course we can start again as friends. Anything you want…you only need to ask."

Her face was tinged again with that same poignant look that was impossible to decipher. I had never hated the fact that her mind was closed to me more than at this moment. Knowing that I would always be wondering what she was _really_ thinking was something that drew me to her, but also drew me nearly mad at times, especially after so many years of effortlessly reading humans and our kind alike. With Bella, I had to work for it. I had to focus my efforts and look at everything else she was offering, knowing that I couldn't crawl inside her head and get the true story, the real story.

My head and heart were telling me that she didn't really want to be friends, but that she was determined to try so she could stay in contact with my family. I didn't blame her. I didn't even deserve her friendship, but the thought of losing her again after only a few weeks was unimaginable. My hopes for this talk, for this reconciliation with the most perfect person on the planet were dashed. Even if I could have finally read her thoughts, I knew they would mimic the bombshell she had just administered to my bleeding heart. Somehow, she knew how I felt about her, and it wasn't enough.

"Good," she responded quietly. "It's good that we're on the same page. Who knows? It might be fun…becoming friends. You can never have too many _friends,_" she said.

I forced my head to nod, though my internal thoughts were shouting at me to tell her the truth…to tell her I loved her, that I was sorry, that I would do _anything_ to have her forgiveness and love. I decided that the embarassment of the moment was enough to make me keep my mouth closed and not to offer anything else. But I was too late, and I knew that I would gladly settle for her friendship because having her in my life as a friend was better than not having her at all. "You're right, Bella. Friends are a precious commodity," I said lamely.

Maybe, just maybe, friendship would lead to more. Maybe when she got over Jacob, when she had had some time to process things…maybe if I was patient and continued to show her how much she meant to me, I might have another chance, though my heart told me that my chance had passed. But I wasn't about to give up on that chance -- at this point, it was all I had. I forced a smile, knowing that anything less wouldn't help the situation.

**Bella's POV**

Having averted an even more painful conversation with Edward coming to tell me that he no longer loved me _again_, his agreeing to be friends surprised me. I was certain that tonight's conversation would include him telling me that he wanted to make sure that I understood he no longer felt anything for me other than the necessary civility that he was offering when in my presence. If there was any care or consideration, it was due to his upbringing and influence of his family. I was acutely aware that there was nothing deeper than light concern when it came to me…which nearly broke my heart all over again. But I took some comfort that at least I would keep the Cullens in my life, even if it meant not having Edward be the one that loved me the way I longed for.

Maybe with time, if I was patient, Edward might feel something for me again -- something more than friendship. _Unlikely..._

While wrapping my head around this new realization that Edward and I would attempt friendship, my head snapped up. There was someone outside. It only took seconds to know who it was after catching the sound of his car and the nasty scent of his blood.

_Gerry._

"Damn it."

"Bella, who is it?" he asked, as Edward turned to look toward the front windows of the house.

I shot him a look that I hoped would make him understand the seriousness of the situation. "He's coming. _You_," I spoke, poking him in the chest, my finger making contact close to a button of his perfectly ironed white oxford shirt, my fingers tempted to undo each and every one of those tiny fastener to expose his perfectly sculpted chest, "stay here. Do _not_ engage him. As far as he'll know, I am here _alone._ I do not need you starting with him again. Do you understand?"

"Who's coming?" Edward asked, his face creased in confusion.

I sighed. "Gerry. I can smell him and I can hear his car. I'll get rid of him and you will stay here. Are we understood?"

Edward lightly growled. I briefly wondered what had him so distracted that he hadn't heard him, but the thought left quickly because I needed to face the crisis that was currently pulling into my driveway.

"Stop that. One of these days, he might just hear you and then what? How are you going to explain that you just happen to growl from time to time?" I challenged.

Edward instantly responded to my request. "Fine. I'll stay here and be quiet. Will that make you happy?" he asked sarcastically.

"Yes. Exceedingly. Thank you." I replied, just as sarcastically with a look on my face that mimicked my tone.

I stood, walking to the door. There were no lights in the house, but the fire I had started would tip off anyone that I inside. I heard his door swing open and shut with a loud squeak. Had the man never heard of WD40?

I could hear his clomping ungraceful steps move briskly up the driveway heading toward the front door. Before he knocked, I could distinctly hear him run his hands through his greasy, thinning hair. I pulled the door open, placing an apathetic look on my face.

"Hi, Beth," he began, his tone dripping with what he must have imagined to be pure sex appeal.

"Good evening. What brings you here this late at night?"

"I was in the area. Thought I would drive out and check on you. You living out here all _alone_ makes me very uncomfortable," he replied, his voice thick with need.

_Makes you uncomfortable? Oh…dear…Lord…_ "I'm perfectly fine. Just getting ready to turn in for the night, but thank you for coming by," I said, trying to make my tone one of indifference and closure, though I could clearly hear the impatience starting to creep in.

"You alone? I saw Ed's car out there," he said, his head craning, trying to look around the interior of the house, looking for any sign of what he considered his romantic rival.

"No. He's not," I lied, my voice flat.

"That's good – that's really good. Maybe you could invite me in for a drink. It's still early. We could chat, talk about your caseload, or whatever," he initiated slyly, trying to push his way in through the front door.

_Can't you ever get the hint? _"I…"

Just then, I heard Edward shift in the living room. His soft gait started toward me. I stopped breathing, realizing that he was headed straight for the foyer, which is exactly what I asked him not to do yet again.

"_Elizabeth,_ are you coming back to the fire?"

I turned to look at him, bracing myself for the confrontation I knew was coming between Edward and Gerry. My mouth involuntarily dropped open and my eyes widened when I noticed that Edward's shirt was not only untucked and wrinkled, but that every button of his oxford were undone, showing off his perfectly sculpted chest and exposing his perfect abdomen. His low-riding pants showcased his slim hips and the perfect physique I knew must be there, but that I'd _never_ seen before. His hair was more than disheveled, making it appear that Gerry had interrupted us in a very intimate moment. His hands were tucked shallowly into his pockets, before he reached my perch at the front door.

He gracefully slid to my side and removed his hand from his pocket, before sliding his arm around my waist possessively, drawing me closer to him. Without my permission, my arm found its way around his waist in return, as if I did this everyday. And then he did the unimaginable…he took his free hand and cupped my face toward him, his thumb gently caressing my cheek before his soft lips reverently kissed my forehead.

I let out a small gasp, unsure whether to pounce and kiss him or slap him across the face for failing to listen to my instructions to stay quiet and unannounced in the safety of the living room. _My heart was voting for the kiss…_

"Gerry, _nice_ to see you again," Edward offered with a sneer.

Gerry's face contorted in confusion before anger took over. "I see you're busy," he barked, before he turned on his heel and hastily walked to his car, hopping in, starting the engine and backing out of the driveway so quickly he misjudged the distance and almost slammed into a large tree on the opposite side of the dirt road.

When he was safely out of hearing range, I forced myself out of Edward's embrace and turned on him. "What the hell are you doing?" I hissed, though my proverbial heart was yearning to pull his arms around me once more and kiss him urgently.

Edward hastily buttoned his shirt, and tucked it in before he turned to me. "Isn't that what _friends_ do for each other?" he grinned, before he playfully ruffled my hair. "I was just helping you out. Maybe now he'll get the hint." Then he winked at me.

I sat there looking at him in a state of shock as he finished buttoning up, him grinning at me, before thinking to myself, "_Friends? How the hell is this going to work?"_


	40. Chapter 39: A Weekend in the City

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: Thanks to heartbroken1, grumpy grizzly and Mandi1, my very own Alice who helped me find the gowns for our lovely vampire quartet! I'll be posting pictures on my homepage just as soon as my lovely techie husband has a minute to help me! Enjoy!_

Chapter 39: A Weekend in the City

Bella's POV

_One month._

Who would have thought that one month could change almost everything? I still continued to work at both the elementary school and the university, but most of my free time was taken up by the Cullens. Not that I minded. Alice called or emailed me several times a day and every time I saw her name in my inbox or on my caller ID, my spirits soared. Edward was right. I wasn't alone anymore and I was never more grateful.

Edward and I were doing better than I expected. It was still awkward at times, being friends. I never thought we'd accomplish it, and sometimes my heart physically ached for more, but this was better than nothing. Sometimes just being alone with him was agonizing, knowing that this was it. _Nothing more._ No lingering hugs. No cold hard lips pressed firmly to mine. No dazzling smiles reserved just for me. But having him and his family around was positively wonderful. I felt normal for the first time in so long. Well, as normal as one could get given the situation.

The weekends together were a welcome respite from the way my life had been. I finally allowed myself a little happiness and was more than rewarded by having seven individuals in my life who accepted me and welcomed me into their home and lives. For the first time in three years, I felt alive again – not like some shell of a person that pushed through the days and impossibly long nights, praying for some relief. I finally had my answer to prayer and found myself holding onto it for dear life.

Our weekends varied. We would visit museums or go to concerts. On cloudy days, we would wander the small downtown that our city offered and enjoy the small shops and entertainment that it had to offer. Many times, the couples would split up and that left me with Edward, but I could tell he was doing his best to make me feel at ease. The fact that he was a gentleman was never lost on me. Wherever we would go, he would hold the door open for me, and sometimes the slightest touch from him would make my stomach clench and I would literally ache to touch him…hold him…kiss him.

But as the days and weeks melted into one another, I got better at the façade. I could be in the same room with him and keep up appearances. Sometimes, I would catch him looking at me and he would smile, that beautiful grin of his, but it was always tinged with a bit of sadness, for what I couldn't imagine, but that smile never quite reached his eyes.

My heart told me that he might not be happy being friends…that my very presence was making him uncomfortable, but I tried to shake it off. I went out of my way to ensure that we spent as little time together alone as possible, so he wouldn't tire of me, even though it hurt to do it.

Friday arrived, and with it, another Cullen weekend was ahead of me. I tried to focus on my responsibilities, but it wasn't working. One of the biggest benefits of being friends with Edward was that his little stunt almost a month ago had paid off. Gerry didn't come near me and when we met up for professional reasons, he barely acknowledged me, much less tried his previous tactics of inappropriateness. He _never_ came by my house any longer and I felt safe, which was odd, considering I was unaware that he had made me that uncomfortable…at least until he grabbed me in the parking lot that day.

I remember thanking Edward that night, still awestruck at the sight of him with his shirt open. I had to keep reminding myself that he must care for me somewhat to do something so forward, even though my heart yearned for more. I just needed to keep reminding myself that Edward's passionate love was a distant part of my past, not part of my future, but you don't always get a say when fate is involved.

The day ended, and I headed back to my house, anxious for the weekend to start. I took the familiar roads while my mind buzzed with everything I needed to finish before someone would be by to pick me up.

Last Friday, Emmett had come to collect me in his Hummer. He teased me all the way back to the house, talking and laughing easily. He was so much like a big brother and I felt so comfortable with him. He had so many questions about my daytime job, many of which made me chuckle.

_Do the kids fall down a lot? _Apparently, Emmett thought that all humans tended to fall all the time, just like I had when I was still human. He told me he missed my clumsy ways and suggested I could fall sometime just to humor him.

_What do you do when they cry? _Well, what did he think I did? His knowledge of small children was gleaned from infinite hours of watching television.

_Do they whine all day? What do you teach them when they're that small? How often do they eat? What does "potty-trained" mean? _His array of questions made me laugh and feel at ease. He was genuinely interested that I held a job and his questions showed his curiosity.

I packed a bag for the weekend and I heard a familiar soft knock on my door. I descended the stairs and opened the door, wondering who was on the other side and hoping desperately that it was _him._

Imagine my shock when I opened the door to discover Rosalie standing before me with her smile wide. "Hey, Bella," she said, before stepping in and giving me a quick hug.

"Rosalie, this is a surprise. Let me just get my bag and we can be on our way," I said. Just then, Esme and Alice joined her inside the house. "Esme! Alice! This is a surprise. I wasn't expecting all the fairer Cullens to come and get me tonight. Come in," I offered.

Esme entered through the front door, Alice followed before darting around her to hug me. I returned her embrace before doing the same with Esme. "I was just telling Rosalie that I'd get my bag and we could head over to the house."

Alice giggled and Rosalie rolled her eyes. Esme pursed her lips before giving them both a reproachful look. "Alice, I thought I told you to call her and let her know our plans for the weekend," Esme scolded.

Alice dipped her head, closing her eyes, while feigning a look of exasperation, her lower lip jutting out in a pout. "Fine. I _didn't_ call her. I thought it would be better this way, a surprise of sorts," she said.

_Surprise?_ Instead of the hairs on the back of my neck standing up, I found myself getting excited. Surprises were something I wasn't used to, but this one should be good, given the look on Esme's face and the response that held Alice's. "Just what are we talking about, Alice?"

Alice's face was smug, her hands rubbing together, which reminded me momentarily of Emmett. Even as tiny as she was, she looked a bit menacing. "Well, we only have a month before the event and it's time to go shopping. The one negative side to living in small towns like this is the lack of exceptional shopping. So…" she paused, obviously enjoying the moment and spotlight, "we're…"

Rosalie sighed and stepped in front of her sister, interrupting her. "We're going into the nearest city with some decent shopping so we can find some new dresses for your party. We're staying the night in a hotel and that will give us the remainder of the weekend to have some female bonding time."

"_Rose_! I was supposed to get to tell her that. You went and ruined all my fun," Alice nearly shouted.

Esme put a reassuring arm around her tiny daughter and gave her a quick squeeze. "If you had called her like you promised me you would, _you_ could have delivered the good news. Now, go on and pack her bag into the back of the car. We've got a couple of hours ahead of us on the road. _Go_," she gently commanded.

Alice forced a small smile on her lips, and went to retrieve my bags from the stairs. She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed me gently on the cheek before heading out the front door toward Esme's Range Rover.

Esme turned toward me, her ubiquitous smile in place, her eyes so gentle and tender. "I hope that our little surprise won't interfere with your weekend plans. I asked her to call you Wednesday night, after she got home from classes with you. I assumed that she had done that, but it's more than obvious that I should _never_ assume anything when it comes to Alice and her antics."

"Esme, it's fine. It should be fun. I haven't been out of town for a weekend in..." I paused, realizing that I hadn't ever left the city's limits, "well, it's been a long time. This should be fun. And I agreed to let Alice pick out a dress for me…so it's good that we get this taken care of. Really, I'm more than okay with it."

Esme let out a small sigh, looking relieved that I was happily agreeing to join them for this unexpected surprise. I grabbed my purse while Esme and Rosalie headed toward the car. I secured the front door and briskly walked over to the backseat of the vehicle, where the door had been left open for me. I slid in, sitting securely next to Alice and we were off.

Esme drove, though she barely passed the speed limit. Alice talked nonstop, fussing about fabrics, colors, hem lengths and shoes. It was obvious from her animated conversation that she was in her element. Alice seemed to be able to do anything, just like the rest of the Cullens. Had she been human, she could have easily been the most successful party planner in the country or a couture fashion designer.

Her conversation droned on, until Rosalie turned in her seat, giving her an exasperated look. "Alice, we'll shop nonstop tomorrow. Can we talk about all this stuff _then_?"

"Fine. What would you like to talk about instead?"

Rosalie stretched in her seat, her long elegant hands gripping the top of her headrest. "I wonder where the boys are right now…they haven't called, so wherever they are, there must be no cell phone reception."

_He_ had been on my mind all day, so since Rosalie had broached the subject, I decided to join in. "Where exactly is the rest of the family? Obviously they aren't shopping with us, are they?" I tried to chuckle lightly, desperate to hide my curiosity and insatiable need to know where _he_ was. _Please say they're meeting us there…_ I looked forward to seeing Edward, no matter what our relationship was. I felt almost whole when he was in the same room.

Esme laughed and Alice and Rosalie joined her. "No," Esme answered, "Carlisle took the boys hunting this weekend. They should be back by Sunday. Just a quick trip. They left last night, taking the Hummer. They were talking about heading into the mountains looking for big game. Oh Bella," Esme exclaimed, as she spun backwards to look at me from the driver's seat.

My eyes widened as I looked at her. "What?" I answered, anxiety in my voice in reaction to hers.

"Did you need to hunt before we get into the city? I never thought to ask you before we left. I can pull off somewhere if you need to…" she drifted off.

I smiled at her reassuringly. "No, Esme. I'm fine. I hunted this morning, just like I normally do. Makes being around," I wanted to say humans, but changed my mind at the last second, "students and staff easier, if you know what I mean." I spoke quickly hoping to change the subject.

Esme smiled back at me, relieved at my answer when we heard the siren. Esme glanced in her rearview mirror, and slightly grimaced before pulling over to the side of the road. She patiently waited for the state trooper to come to the side of the car, pushing the button for the automatic window to roll itself down.

The officer approached the driver's side of the car and I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see him place his hand on his holstered gun, flipping the strap off, in case he needed it quickly. I suppressed a giggle, knowing that his gun was a futile weapon against us, even though there would never be a need for it.

"Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?" he began, before his face went slack jawed. He looked at Esme then glanced over to Rosalie, before training his eye on Alice and me in the back. His eyes stayed on us for only a moment, before his gaze went blatantly back toward Rosalie. She smiled sweetly at him, before leaning forward in her seat a bit, giving him an eyeful of her cleavage.

Esme cleared her throat before answering. "No, officer, I haven't a clue why you pulled me over. What seems to be the trouble?" she answered.

He pulled at his tie, trying to loosen the constricting accessory to his state issued uniform. "Um," was all he could muster.

"Officer, I'm sorry if my mother broke a traffic law. If you'd like, I could drive from here. I can guarantee you'll find no violations on _my_ record," Rosalie offered.

The poor man couldn't tear his eyes from the lovely blonde vampire and her assets, and he barely nodded his head in response. "Well, I'm sure that your _mother_," he looked confused at Rosalie's choice of words, considering how young Esme appeared, "didn't intend any harm," he said to Rosalie. He removed his hat, and tucked it under his arm before addressing Esme. "Just be careful. It would be a shame to lose any one of you lovely ladies. I'm sure that if I let you go with a warning, you won't repeat the same mistake. Am I correct?"

Esme nodded at him. "I promise that I won't make the same mistake again. Will I girls?" she asked.

We all shook our heads and the officer gave us a subtle salute before heading back to his patrol car, shaking his head the entire time. He motioned for us to leave first, but then he followed us for a bit. We stifled our giggles until he turned off, waving at us as he left sporting an enormous grin on his face.

When he was safely out of our line of sight, we all let loose, laughing until we were doubled over. "Did he ever actually tell us why he pulled you over, Esme?" I asked innocently.

"No, but whatever it is, I did _promise_ to never do it again," she replied.

We giggled over it some more and found it impossible to catch our breath. "Nice job there Rosalie," Alice said.

"What? I didn't do anything," she retorted indignantly, but her eyes danced merrily contradicting her tone.

"Right. And that little display of your _assets_ was what? An accident?" Alice countered.

Rosalie smiled at us wickedly, her beautiful almond-shaped eyes glimmering in reply to us. "Well, there was no way that I would allow Esme to get a ticket of any kind. Carlisle would never let her or any of us hear the end of it. I was just helping Mom out. Which reminds me Alice, didn't you _see_ that guy coming?" she asked.

Alice froze next to me and I could see Esme shoot Rosalie a pointed look. Rosalie's eyes widened and she sat back in her seat out of my line of sight. Alice cleared her throat and began straightening her skirt, not making eye contact with any of us. Clearly something was going on and I wasn't privy to it. "I was so focused on dress shopping that I wasn't concentrating on anything else. It's been so long since we've had anything like this to plan for that I wasn't paying attention. Sorry Esme," she offered feebly.

"No problem, Alice. So, we're due to check into the hotel around nine. I reserved a suite for the four of us. Thought we could chat, watch a movie and plan our day tomorrow. How does that sound, Bella?" she asked nonchalantly.

My internal alarm went off. I knew they were keeping something from me, but I didn't want to pry. There was no way that I would push the issue. If there was something that they needed me to know or wanted me to understand, they would explain it to me in time. And even if they didn't, it made no difference – at least not to me. I did my best to keep my voice even when I responded, "That sounds perfect, Esme. But you all didn't need to go through all this trouble. The party isn't that fancy."

Alice snorted. "Bella, this isn't any trouble. And besides, it'll be fun. Any idea what you might like to wear?"

Alice launched back into full talk mode, gushing about designers and what colors were popular this season. I sat back in my seat, closing my eyes and let her gentle voice relax my now tense shoulders.

* * *

The next day dawned cloudy, which was perfect for our quartet. We all showered and readied ourselves for a day of shopping and more girls only conversation. Alice's impatience was rearing its ugly head as Rosalie took her time with her hair and makeup.

"Rose, are you ready yet?" Alice snapped.

Esme sat quietly on one of the large overstuffed chairs near in the living room of the suite, not saying a word, as if this type of exchange was a daily occurrence in their household.

"Alice, it's supposed to rain today and I'm trying to prep my hair for that. Just settle down. We've got all day," she spat back.

"Girls," Esme said, with a hint of reproach in her gentle cadence.

I just sat there, looking back and forth from my vantage point. Alice's features were impatient, Esme's calm and tranquil, while Rosalie just continued to fuss in front of the large mirror in the bathroom, ignoring the rest of us. She preened, looking at her beautiful features, turning her face gently back and forth. A smile appeared on her beautiful full lips, obviously pleased with her appearance. The whole thing was a bit surreal, like I was intruding on a private family moment.

"I'm ready. Happy?" Rosalie said sarcastically.

"It's about time. Can we go now?" Alice asked, her impatience at an all-time high.

"Where's Jasper when you need him?" mumbled Rosalie as she left the vanity.

We grabbed our purses and headed for the lobby of the hotel, while the valet brought our car up to the front. The hotel that we had stayed in was luxurious; the beds large, the bathroom spacious and the sitting area comfortable. We had talked most of the night, similar to a slumber party among friends.

Esme drove us downtown, where exclusive boutiques and shops awaited us. I had no idea where we were going, but relaxed with the belief that Alice could _see_ where we were headed and that I was in good hands.

The downtown was beginning to come to life, with shoppers descending from cars and little bistros, enjoying coffee and breakfast on this crisp Saturday morning. The colors of the trees were in full seasonal color, all reds and oranges, and it brought a renewal to my soul.

It was a Saturday. I wasn't at my house. I wasn't alone. I was spending time with three wonderful women and we were about to do _normal_ things like shopping for dresses and spending quality time together.

Esme parked the car, dropping several coins into the parking meter before securing the locks. We started walking the block toward what I was sure would be several top-shelf stores that catered to clients like the Cullens. A glimpse of lavender caught my eye and I stopped curiously to admire a store front until I realized what I was looking at.

Little girl dresses on tiny dress forms greeted me, taunting me with their frilliness. Splashes of pink, pale yellow, robin's egg blue – gowns in every conceivable color…flower girl dresses in white and ivory – I was momentarily unable to speak. Patent leather Mary Janes, matching purses and padded headbands were scattered about the floor of the display along with baby dolls and toys, creating a replica of a little girl's dream playroom.

A vision of Grace in one of these beautiful dresses, her straight, dark hair pulled back off her face with a barrette filled my mind and I stopped breathing. My hand splayed against the window pane between myself and the miniature couture gowns, while I tried to imagine I was still a part of her life.

Grace lived and was happy with her father. The daily pictures from Jacob told me that. That glass was a metaphor for my presence in her life – I knew exactly where she was, but I couldn't be there. I watched her from a distance, the emails a reminder that she continued to grow and blossom. I stayed away because it was the only way she could live a normal life.

I stood there for goodness knows how long, until I felt a hand on my arm, bringing me out of my reverie. "Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. Had I known this store was here, we would have parked somewhere else," Alice said, her voice heavy with regret.

I forced a small smile on my face and turned to her. "It's alright, Alice. You couldn't have known it was here. It's just," I swallowed hard before continuing, "I miss her so much. But she's safe and I try really hard to take some comfort in that."

Rosalie came to my side, unexpectedly taking my hand, and I could see the reflection of Esme's gentle face in the reflection of the freshly cleaned glass staring back at me. For a moment, Esme's cheek came to rest on the top of my head before she placed a small kiss in my hair. She looked back at me with unhidden concern, wrapping a long slender arm around my shoulders. I fought back a sob, knowing it would only make the day that much more difficult.

"Bella, what do you miss the most about her?" Rosalie asked gently.

"_Rosalie!_" Esme addressed her daughter sharply.

I looked at them both, drawing in a deep breath. "No, Esme, it's okay. That's a normal question to ask. In all honesty, there isn't anything that I don't miss. But if I had to pick one thing, it was the way she smelled after a bath. She had that clean baby smell, mingled with shampoo and powder, still so warm from the bath water. And she was the happiest baby after a bath, all giggles and smiles. I miss that so much," I broke off, unable to go on.

Alice grabbed me in a fierce hug and the shaking started. I took in several deep breaths, trying to calm myself, realizing that I needed to get a grip on my emotions. Sobbing brought no relief and I wasn't about to sit and feel sorry for myself again, not with the day just ahead of us.

Gently pushing back on Alice, I shook my head lightly and felt a genuine smile cross my face. "Come on. This isn't a day for sadness and regret. Let's go find some dresses. Besides, Alice needs to torture me for a bit, making me try on as many gowns as she can fit into the dressing room," I said as brightly as I could, attempting to dispel the depressing mood that had descended on us.

I grabbed Alice's hand and still holding Rosalie's I trudged forward, away from the children's clothing store and searched for the store that Alice had selected, not having a clue where I was going. Alice smiled at my obvious attempt to change the subject and gently tugged on my hand, leading me toward a four-way crossing, where we made our way to the other side of the quaint cobblestone road and into an intimidating shop with beautiful gowns artfully displayed in the windows fronts.

We stepped inside, Alice taking the lead. This shop was exclusive. It was evident from the stark white walls and dark stained wide-planked hardwood floors. The lighting was top notch, as was the beautiful custom furniture that was placed at intervals around the room. Beautiful, enormous gilded mirrors were everywhere, their floor to ceiling height ready for clients to scrutinize their appearance in an array of gowns just waiting to be tried on.

I was never a clotheshorse, but it was difficult to not be drawn in by the exquisite fabrics and rainbow of colors that adorned the walls and were elegantly draped on modern displays of stainless steel in the middle of the showroom. Some of the dresses were just begging to be touched, calling us to take them for a spin.

A saleslady approached us. Her hair, makeup and clothing were the epitome of current fashion and professionalism, but her demeanor was haughty and disdainful. "May I help you?" she nearly sneered.

Never having been in a place like this before, I stepped aside thinking my dress slacks and sweater set felt frumpy and unkempt. Alice stepped forward and addressed her with calm authority. "We have an appointment under the name of Cullen," she answered, her tone and mannerism clearly informing the sales person who was _really_ in charge.

"Oh, yes. We've been expecting you. May I get you a drink? Coffee, maybe a cup of herbal tea?" she asked, warmer this time, her eyes taking on that same professional demeanor, understanding that we were serious customers.

"No, thank you. But we would like to start browsing your collection, if that won't be too much trouble. We'll let you know if we need any help," Alice offered tersely. Her stance was a bit challenging and the sales person took a small step back.

"Of course. My name is Kristine if you need anything," she said submissively, before she turned and walked away.

Alice giggled, low enough that we would be the only ones who heard her. "Well, we'll see if they have anything we actually want, though I'm not sure I want her to earn any commission on this sale."

With that, we hit the racks, Alice perusing them like a professional shopper, her face either alight with enthusiasm or frowning in disapproval. Kristine brought an empty dress rack for us to hang up our selections and cleared several changing rooms for us to try on our selections. I caught a glimpse of a price tag of one of the many gowns that Alice selected and nearly tumbled over. "Alice, you can't be serious. I can't spend that amount of money on a dress I'll only wear once."

Alice stopped combing through the racks. She turned to face me, her head cocked to the side before she took her customary stance of placing her fists on her slender hips. "Bella, who says you're paying for anything? If I get to pick the dress, and you _promised_ me that I could, I get to pick whichever dress I want and we're paying for it. That also includes shoes, so don't argue," she challenged.

I cocked my eyebrows at her, and pursed my lips before I replied. "Alice, I never promised. I don't make promises. I did, however, agree to let you dress me. There is a difference."

Alice stood speechless. I realized my outburst was childish and hurried to fix things. "Alice, I'm sorry. I'm just not comfortable spending that much money on a dress that I know I'll only wear one time for a couple of hours. I'm hoping that I don't get roped into planning this event next year, but if I do, I can't wear the same dress. I'll just have to buy another and I don't want to waste any money. Can you try to understand my side of this?"

Esme walked up to me, placing a small kiss on my cheek before her lips came close to my ear. "Bella darling, we're paying for your dress, your shoes and anything else you might need. No arguments dear," she whispered brightly.

Shrugging my shoulders, I resigned myself to the fact that this wasn't an argument I could win. Instead, my feet walked me to the nearest chair and I sunk down in it, waiting for Alice to finish selecting dresses. I started chanting mentally, "It's just a dress. It's just a dress. It's just a dress." I hadn't realized I was also muttering it under my breath until I saw Alice approach through one of the gilded mirrors.

Alice smiled before she casually leaned over me and in whispered in my ear, "And shoes. And jewelry. And a purse." Her tone was one of smugness and glee, knowing that Esme had helped her win this round.

Once the entire rack was full, and neither Alice nor Rosalie could squeeze another beautiful gown on to it without it toppling over, we headed for the dressing rooms. Once the door was shut and secured, Alice started pulling dress after dress over my head. It was dizzying how quickly she worked. With some of the gowns, she wouldn't even bother to secure the zipper or clasps, while with others she would parade me in the main showroom, spinning and twirling me, scrutinizing each and every sway of the fabric on my body.

During one of our trips to the main floor of the store, we discovered Esme wearing a beautiful flowing black dress with an empire waist, slim straps and a beautiful black Alencon lace at the bust line. The dress was floor length and looked so elegant on her with her tawny hair and porcelain skin. "Do you think Carlisle will like it?" she asked, her graceful hands fingering the billowing skirt, while she turned toward us.

"Esme, it's beautiful on you. I don't think you need to look any further. It seems to fit you well," I commented.

We heard a door squeak open and saw a flash of red, as Rosalie strutted to the floor barefoot. She had on what had to be one of the sexiest gowns I had ever seen, its spandex blend fabric gripping Rosalie's perfect curves. From its tight lines, short hem and plunging neckline that showcased her perfect bosom, to the attention grabbing fire engine red color, it fit Rose and her personality to a tee.

She gracefully jumped up on an elevated platform, spun around, her backside to the mirror and her head arched its way over her shoulder, taking in her glorious form. Every single person in the studio, from the customers to the sales staff, to the UPS man stopped and watched her.

Rosalie was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and I was sure that I wasn't the only one that shared that opinion. The UPS man ran head first into the glass door when he was exiting the shop, his gaze trained exclusively on the blonde who was center stage in the room. I couldn't contain the laughter escaping my throat from the spectacle.

"Do you think Emmett will like it? I mean, it's not exactly conservative and isn't that what your party is all about, Bella?" she asked innocently.

I smirked in her direction, before attempting to smooth my expression. "Rosalie, you can wear anything you like. Conservative or not, it's your choice. As long as you like it, wear it," I answered.

"Yes, but do you think Emmett will like it? He's always told me how much he likes me in red," she continued to ask for reassurance, her eyes never leaving her lovely reflection in the mirror.

Alice sighed loudly, exasperation evident in her voice. "Rose, you could wear a paper bag and Emmett would be happy with it. Just buy it already."

Two down, two to go. Alice continued with her parade of dresses, never once trying anything on herself. The floor of the dressing room was growing deeper with discarded gowns until I saw a look on Alice's face that I hadn't seen in years – one of complete triumph.

She had put me in a beautiful silk taffeta, short cocktail dress. Its Sabrina neckline and short sleeves had an overlay of goassamer lace, though I'm sure that Alice knew the actual name – but it was just lovely. The dress had a slightly dropped waist, highlighted with a ribbon and flower sash and a full circle-skirt. It looked liked I had just stepped out of a 1950's add for cold cream or the latest vacuum cleaner. Alice stepped back for a moment and the smile on her face told me that she found exactly what she was looking for.

She pushed me toward the main floor of the dressing room, before nudging me not so graciously to step up on the platform and take a spin. I acquiesced to her request. In the brighter light, I realized the dress was dark blue and not black, like it had appeared in the more dimly lit dressing room. My face betrayed me.

"Bella, what's wrong? It's perfect for you. The cut, the length, the shape – even the color is exactly what I was looking for," Alice said.

I bit my bottom lip, looking for the right words to explain my dilemma with this particular dress – or rather the color of this particular creation. "Alice, the dress is perfect. Actually I really like it, and it's comfortable. But the color," I said, not knowing how to explain the situation without creating another tense situation. Once was enough for the day, thank you.

"Bella, the color is perfect. Edward will love it," she said, before her eyes widened in horror.

Rosalie stepped in front of her sister, her face calmer, if not a bit exasperated. "What Alice means, Bella, is that Edward always thought you looked lovely in that color and he was right. It really sets off your skin and hair color. You should get it. I don't think you should try any more dresses on, unless you're not done with the torture just yet, which would make Alice's whole year," she explained hurriedly, avoiding my eyes, instead fussing with the neckline of her dress.

"I'm not sure. Does it come in any other colors?" I asked tentatively.

Kristine, our sales lady walked by, and heard my question. "I'll check the sample book. Give me a moment," she said and walked back toward a desk in the corner, covered in large books. She found what she was looking for and brought the book directly to me. "As you can see, it comes in an array of different choices. Any particular color you were interested in?"

I looked at the choices, little strips of fabric that were identical to the fabric of the dress that I was currently wearing. Every color imaginable was available and I reached out and stroked the black sample, thinking it was simple and elegant enough to get me through the night. Alice frowned, fingering the skirt of the gown I was still wearing. "I like the blue," Alice pouted.

"Please understand, Alice, I just don't wear that color. _Not anymore_," I whispered. I looked up and saw a look on Esme's face that I had never seen before. She looked disappointed…_with me._ I flipped back through the past ten minutes, and then the entire last day, trying to figure out what I could have done to upset her. She shook her head lightly, before returning her attention to Rosalie's dress. I tried to shake off the feelings of failure in upsetting Esme, before I heard Alice sigh.

"You really don't like the blue, do you? Fine, the black it is then," she said before turning to Kristine. "Can you have this here in say three weeks? Our event is in one month and we'll need time to have it altered," she asked, her tone pointed and direct.

Kristine went to the front desk and her and Alice bent over the sample book, while Kristine made a phone call to some unknown destination. I approached Esme cautiously, waiting patiently until Rosalie was satisfied with her dress choice and went back to the dressing room to change. "Esme, did I do something to upset you?" I asked, fearful of her answer.

Esme looked at me tenderly, her hand coming up to gently touch my face, as she brushed some stray hair off my forehead. "No dear. I just worry about my children, about their choices. I worry about you," she explained.

I looked at her in utter confusion, but before I could push the subject further, Alice bounded toward us, her smile bright, while she rolled her eyes. "Well, according to _Kristine_," she began, her voice a bit condescending, "she can have your dress here, in black, in three weeks time if we pay an expediting charge, and before you say another word, it's already ordered and paid for in full." She looked at me as if daring me to argue the point.

I smiled at her. "Thank you. Now what about you? The rest of us have a dress and you still haven't tried on a thing. Your turn, Alice."

Alice smiled smugly and walked toward the wall of gowns, barely looking where her hand reached while her eyes never left mine, and pulled out a beautiful chocolate brown polka dot number, strapless, floor length with the tiniest sweep train, with a wide blue sash. "This is it. No need to try it on. It's the one I want and I _know_ Jasper will love it."

Tossing the dress at Kristine, Alice turned to me her smile again wicked. "Now we need to find some shoes…" she threatened, picking up a dangerous looking spike heel.


	41. Chapter 40: High CardLow Card

Chapter 3

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's note: A big thank you, as always to grumpy grizzly and Mandi1 – for help with suggestions as to what to bet…you'll see! Also, thanks to heartbroken1, who got me this chapter quickly!_

_As for many of your comments on the miscommunication between Bella & Edward – please remember that Bella is still living under the lie that Edward fed her 10 years ago and Edward feels extreme guilt for what she's lost, as well as believing her when she said that they were "never meant to be". Just hang in there – really great stuff is coming!_

_Enjoy! TWO chapters next week –yes, I said two!_

Chapter 40: High Card/Low Card

Bella's POV

Finally, another week was done and another blessed weekend with the Cullens was fast upon me. The cocktail party was now only a week away and I was grateful that it was almost over. Alice had called me incessantly checking on this and that, asking me questions until I thought my head would explode. I appreciated her help with the party, but her attention to detail was starting to get on my nerves. Although I had to admit, she knew what she was doing; she was gifted when it came to this type of thing, but it didn't help when my nerves were already precarious.

I finished the day, scooped my things into an oversized bag, and made my way toward the entrance of the building with Mandy in tow. As we crossed the parking lot to our respective vehicles, I reminded myself of what I needed to ask her. "Hey Mandy, are you still planning on the cocktail reception next Saturday? Did you find a dress?" I asked her casually, suppressing the urge to grin and the excitement I was expecting.

She looked at me, her face twisting into a devious smile. "Why Ms. Marston, why do you ask?" she answered, her Southern drawl thicker than usual as she did her best Scarlett O'Hara impression. "I sent you my RSVP, didn't I? Besides, I'm hoping to snag a dance with that Jasper fellow who comes to visit you all the time. Are you sure that he and that Alice friend of yours are siblings?"

Smiling back at her nervously, I responded. "Just wanted to make sure that you were still interested in coming, though I'm not sure about the whole Jasper thing. But yes, for all intents and purposes, they are siblings." _At least as far as the world at large is concerned._

"Good. I wouldn't miss it. Now I'm off. I've got to find me some killer shoes and jewelry to go with my new dress, which is waiting for me at the seamstress -- only needed a hem. Seeing the Cullens again tonight?" she asked, though she already knew the answer to that one.

Mandy saw me slip into a bemused state every time Alice called or emailed. Jasper accompanied his wife to visit me, saying that they were rushing me off for a quick lunch. What a relief to not have to pretend eating with colleagues!

The quick, stolen moments made my days all the more enjoyable and I looked forward to seeing any of the Cullens, though seeing _him_ held the most joy, but it was tinged bittersweet.

"I'm headed over there _sometime_ this weekend," I stretched the truth.

"Well, you have a good time. I'll see you on Monday," she breezily called to me over her shoulder as she jumped into her sporty little two-door car. She waved goodbye before she sped off.

I rushed back to the house, driving more like a Cullen than myself, my mind racing with what I needed to accomplish before being picked up by in the early part of the evening. I once mentioned that I could drive myself over and got exasperated looks by every member of the family, so I dropped the subject. I wondered who would come for me this evening and hoped it'd be Edward.

My cell phone rang, while my right hand searched through my bag looking for it. When my palm located it, I looked at the screen, and saw the screen tell me it was Alice. I smiled, flipping the phone open, "Hi, Alice."

"Bella! Is there any way we can pick you up a half-hour early tonight? We've got something special planned and we wanted to get started before Carlisle has to go because he really wants to join in the fun. Would that be all right? If you have work to do, you can finish it here later tonight. Jazz said that you could borrow his study and we'll give you some space, and…"

"Alice, you can come and get me whenever you guys are ready. I just need enough time to pack a bag. How does that sound? I'm about ten minutes from the house and then I only need another ten to pack," I said laughing. Her enthusiasm and hint at fun was contagious and I began to eagerly anticipate the weekend even more, if that were possible.

My dear friend promised to leave and pick me up in thirty minutes, so I pressed the accelerator a bit further toward the floor of the car, motivated by the prospect of being with them even sooner.

I got to the house, ran upstairs, packed a bag and was waiting outside when I saw the Volvo pull up. Before the car was even parked behind mine, Alice jumped out and sped toward me, grabbing the bags in one hand and my hand in the other, dragging me toward the car. Edward stepped out, as he leaned across the roof, shaking his head at Alice before popping the trunk, just in time for Alice to toss it inside before slamming it shut. She hopped into the backseat and left me to sit up front with Edward…_alone._

"All set?" Edward asked, looking at me with those unfathomable eyes. Since our talk, I couldn't read him. Nothing made sense. One minute, he looked sad, the next…that smooth mask he was so practiced at was in its place.

"Yep, ready to go," I answered him, before looking out the window. If what he felt was pity, I wanted none of it.

Alice cleared her throat from the backseat. "Bella, I picked up your dress today and Esme wanted to make sure that we took care of any alterations this weekend, with the party only a week away. I've got your shoes, so we can take care of the hem," she said.

I craned my neck, looking at Alice, whose chin was resting on the back of the seat. "_Esme_ is going to alter my dress? I had no idea that she could do that," I replied.

"I know. Doesn't it seem like she can do everything? She always does the alterations for us. If a human did them and accidentally pricked us with a pin, only to find that it wouldn't pierce our skin, that might be difficult to explain." She smiled, amused by her explanation.

_Is there anything that any Cullen can't do? _I smiled at Alice. "That sounds great, as long as it's not any trouble."

Alice laughed. "Bella, Esme loves to do things like this and she's excited to take care of your gown as well. So just let her, okay?" she answered, her eyebrows lifting ever so slightly, as if to say the topic wasn't up for negotiation.

"Of course I'll let Esme take care of it. One more thing to check off the never-ending list of things to be done for the event. Truth be told, I'll be so relieved when it's over," I said.

Alice looked at me, sadness filling her features. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

Unhooking my seatbelt, I turned in my seat to face Alice head on. "Bella," Edward warned, glancing at me and then pointedly at the seatbelt.

I growled at him lightly, shooting him a look that cut the sound from his throat immediately. "Edward, I'm fine. If the police come, you can let me know and we won't get a ticket." I looked back at my friend, whose head was cast down toward her lap. "Alice, what's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Alice, look at me." Her dark halo of curls started to lift and her large amber eyes stared back at me. "What's got you so quiet?"

Alice's tiny hands gripped the back of the seat and looked at me, her face looking a bit…_frightened? Why on earth would she be frightened?_

"It's just that once this is over, I…_we_ won't see you as much. And we're halfway through the semester, so we'll only get to see you on the weekends, if you're still willing to come over."

"Alice, what are you talking about? Just because classes will be over doesn't mean that I won't see you…_any_ of you. I'll still have my evenings free after teaching and we can talk and visit and…besides," I laughed lightly, taking her hand in mine, "can't you _see_ what's going to happen? It's not like you don't know exactly what's coming, right?"

Her eyes momentarily widened from frightened to terrified. Then, just as quickly, she forced that same stoic look of Edward's, her features relaxing into one of calmness and placid reserve. "Of course, you're right. I'm just being silly," she said, settling back against the seat of the car.

Again my mind registered that she was keeping something from me. I smiled at her once more before settling back in my seat, but not before I caught her exchanging a look with Edward courtesy of the rearview mirror.

His eyes looked grave and rather serious, while hers widened before a look of resignation settled in. These silent conversations that they were having had begun to get the best of my emotions, but I fought the urge to ask what was being kept from me. I wouldn't let petty curiosity over a private conversation interfere with where I wanted to be.

We pulled into the now familiar driveway, the seemingly non-ending gravel pathway that led to their beautiful Gothic Victorian home. Edward pulled the Volvo toward the front of the house, but I beat him to the punch and opened my door myself and stepped out, before helping Alice escape from the backseat.

I turned to look at him and the sadness on his face was obvious. "Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. But you needn't make a fuss over me."

"It's not a fuss, Bella." His voice, like his eyes, was cold.

I turned from him, unwilling to continue the conversation, following Alice to the trunk to retrieve my things. In a blur, he was there before either of us, lifting my bags from the trunk, slamming the lid closed, and walking toward the house, deliberately not making eye contact with either of us. Alice took my hand and gave it a small squeeze, before leading me toward the front door.

We walked inside the foyer where Esme greeted us. Edward had placed my things below the large round entry table, as he did most weeks. He turned on his heel, and without looking toward us, he sped up both sets of stairs before we heard the loud slam of his door. Not a second later, we heard him pounding out a dark, depressing song on his piano in a minor key. The sound was poignant and dark.

"I didn't mean to offend him, Esme. I just told him that he didn't need to worry about helping me from the car and going out of his way for me," I offered. My eyes turned once more to the top floor of the house, knowing what I would do next time to avoid the situation.

Esme looked down at me, her eyes holding a look of concern, but whether it was directed to Edward or me, I wasn't sure. "He's been in a mood lately, but I'm not entirely sure why. He'll snap out of it eventually. Come on in. Alice and Emmett have planned something fun for us tonight." She took one more look at me as if she was about to say something more, but instead took my arm and led me toward the unused dining room.

We walked in and where a beautiful dining set normally sat, there was now an oval-shaped green felted game table, set out with brand new packs of playing cards and colorful, heavy clay poker chips.

"What's the plan for all of this?" I asked casually, though the hair on the back of my neck was starting to stand up.

Rosalie came to my side and laughed. "Emmett loves to play poker, mostly because it gives him the opportunity to bet. Everyone in this family loves to wager, but this is a way for all of us to keep things more low key. Some of the things that have been bet in this house and others," she chuckled, covering her lovely mouth with an elegant hand, "have been outright ridiculous. But the boys do love to push the limits." She shook her head looking in the direction of Emmett.

"Oh, come on, Rosalie. _We_ all love to bet – you included. It's just that we boys take it to a finely honed, whole new level," he chuckled.

That set things off. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper went into stories of all the things that the family had gambled on in times past.

Jasper had bet Emmett that he couldn't go without cracking jokes for an entire day and how Emmett had to pay up by trying out for the high school cheerleading squad. "Not only did he tryout, he made the team and even though he wouldn't admit it, I think he enjoyed it. Until Carlisle made him quit," Jasper chuckled quietly.

"How about the time that Jasper lost a bet to me and he had to fuel Emmett's lust for twenty-four hours, which in turn made Edward run screaming from the house," she laughed, looking upward when Edward's piano playing suddenly got significantly louder, "because he couldn't take the emotions or the visual images racing through Emmett's head. We found out later that Alice had wagered Jasper that Edward couldn't last 24 hours and Alice won. Jasper had to…" Rosalie was openly and loudly laughing now.

Esme glided into the room with Carlisle in tow. "Enough with the stories." She approached my side and tucked some hair behind my ear. "This is why I insisted on using chips tonight. If any of you," she glanced up at her children and husband in the room, "decide to bet anything other than those chips, I _don't_ want to know about it."

Emmett came from behind me and picked me up effortlessly with both hands around my waist, before gently easing me into a chair. "Ever played poker before, Bella?" He growled mischievously in my ear.

I had a quick flashback of the reservation, playing card games with Jake and his pack buddies. I wasn't much of a card shark, but it was fun. I was just hoping that I could remember the rules when Jasper came out of nowhere and placed a cheat sheet in front of me.

"We weren't sure if you'd played before, so here's a list of what beats what. For instance, a full house beats three of a kind, four of a kind beats a full house. If you have any questions, Alice can help you." Jasper pulled up a chair directly behind me and Alice gracefully seated herself, inching herself closer to me before she placed her chin on my shoulder.

Craning my neck to look at her, I was confused by the seating arrangements. "If Alice is helping me, how can she play?"

I could hear Edward's piano playing increase even more in volume so the music was now thundering through the house, while everyone did his or her best to ignore the intrusion. Each note increased in fierceness and melancholy, the tempo racing rapidly up and down, from fast to slow, increasing and decreasing, which made it sound like a soundtrack to a bad horror film.

Carlisle smiled patiently in my direction. "Well, with Alice's little _gift_, she can't play --wouldn't be fair to any of us. Occasionally, she plays Edward. Their talents basically cancel each other's out, but those games aren't fun to watch. Usually just takes a few minutes before someone folds. We let Jasper play because he vows to not only do his best to not read everyone's emotions, but he also promises to not manipulate anyone's either. Actually, we were going to have Edward help you," Carlisle continued, as the music upstairs abruptly stopped, "and have Alice deal which is the norm. She loves to deal the cards and watch the action, but with Edward having his temper tantrum, we'll all take turns dealing tonight." Carlisle entertained a small smile as I heard a door click.

"_I'll_ help her. And thank you, Carlisle, for talking about me like I'm a toddler," Edward announced petulantly, which made my head basically snap off my shoulders when I turned in his direction. He was standing in the wide doorway to the dining room, resting against one of the pocket doors. His words to his father might have sounded harsh, but the grin on his face said anything but.

Edward and Alice exchanged a moment's glance, before he started toward the table. Alice quickly kissed my cheek, before launching herself _across_ the table top into the dealer's chair in one quick, fluid motion.

"_Alice_," Esme said reproachfully.

"Sorry, Mom," Alice responded insincerely, grabbing a new deck of cards and tearing them open. Jasper took a seat next to her and cut the deck, before gently stroking her hand lovingly.

"Hey! No buttering up the dealer. She's not going to give you better cards, even if you are married to her," Emmett bellowed winking at me so I knew this was all part of the game.

Edward sat close behind me, his scent filling my lungs and making me melt. I wanted to turn to him and apologize for what had transpired outside just moments ago, but his behavior made no sense. One minute he was sad, the next angry, and now he sat behind me as if nothing uncomfortable had happened. As always, I was confused by his actions. _But I could handle the confusion if he would just stay this close to me._

The rest of the Cullen family took their seats and quick as lightning, Alice started shuffling the cards. Watching her was like witnessing a professional dealer from Vegas or Atlantic City only supersonic speed. She dealt five to each of us, calling things out like "_Jack's wild"_ and telling everyone to "_ante up"_. Each member of the family threw some chips into the center of the table and the bidding began.

Emmett won the first hand and had no qualms with bragging about his sharp abilities. "You just watch, Bella. I'll have you cleaned out of chips in no time," he teased. Rosalie smacked him in the back of the head…_hard. _"Geez, Rose, I'm just kidding," he said, his giant hand rubbing the spot that Rosalie had made contact with. "Mostly." He muttered almost too low for me to hear drawing another teasingly scathing look from Rosalie.

We prepared to start another hand, Alice dealing, when she called out to me. "Bella, call it."

_Call what? _"Um?" was all I could muster.

I could feel Edward edge even closer to my seat, his cool breath even closer to my ear. "She means call the wild card. What would you like it to be?" He purred low in my ear. He picked up my cards and didn't hand them to me, while I felt everyone's eyes turn in my direction.

"Bella?" Alice called to me again. _He was making it very hard to put together a coherent thought._

I took in a deep breath before answering. "Uh, _twos_?" I answered, glancing down at my lap when the laughter started.

"We call them _deuces_," Edward whispered, his breath tickling my ear, "though _twos_ is perfectly fine." He glanced up and from the corner of my eye, I could see him shove Emmett in the shoulder…roughly. I couldn't help but smile.

Edward placed the cards into my hand, his fingers brushing against mine for a moment and those little energy pulses took hold, making my hands tremble a bit. He rearranged the cards I was holding, placing pairs together or suits in order. When he pulled his hand back, it softly grazed the top of my wrist, before he sat back in his chair directly behind me.

A thought occurred to me. I leaned back toward Edward and turned my head toward him, a bit startled that he was looking at me intently. I could _almost_ feel the blush rising in my cheeks, had it been possible. "Edward?" My voice came out huskier than I had planned.

His eyes softened and he leaned toward me, inches from my face. I knew that everyone in the family could hear us, but it was like we were the only two people in the room. "Yes, Bella?" he responded, his velvet voice so tender it made my knees go weak. I was never so grateful to be sitting.

_Will I ever not want to kiss him? _"If you can read minds, how is it that the rest of the family is allowing you to 'help' me? I mean, aren't you helping me cheat?" I asked noticing the smirk on Emmett's face.

He laughed softly, leaning in closer. "No, I'm not helping you cheat, though I am sorely tempted, given how Emmett is behaving. I promised my family that I would only help you make the best possible hands, but that you would be on your own for betting and deciding when to fold. How am I doing so far?" he asked innocently.

"Ah, fine thank you," was all I could manage to get out. The nearness of him, his scent, his lips, his beautiful, hypnotic eyes threw me into a stupor. I sat there for goodness knows how long, trying to understand what he had just said.

In my peripheral vision, I could see something being thrown at me and before I could react, Edward's long hand had whizzed past my face and caught that _something._

"Alice," Edward growled. He opened his hand, and revealed the bright blue poker chip that his sister had _tossed_ at me.

"What? It's her turn to bet. Are you in or are you out, Bella?" Alice's attempt to get my attention did just that and I focused on the table.

Hearing Edward sliding forward in his chair toward me did nothing to help me focus. "The bet is 500," he murmured mercilessly tempting in my ear.

"Ah, okay," I said, trying desperately to remember how to count, until Edward put his right hand on mine, while his left came around my other side, grabbing the correct amount of chips and adding them to the growing pot in the middle of the table. "Thank you." _Well, wasn't that lame?_

The game continued, piles of chips growing and shrinking depending on the player. Finally it was just Emmett and I, playing out the last hand. Carlisle had left an hour ago for work, but the rest of the family had remained, watching the cards being dealt. Edward was true to his word and only helped me make choices in terms of what cards to keep and toss, keeping me as focused as I could be, which was difficult considering the seating arrangement. His hands would casually brush against mine as he manipulated the cards Alice dealt me. Every time without fail, the sparks would fly over my cold skin generating a brief warm feeling.

Esme stood, her gentle smile radiating. "I'm going to go get things ready for the alterations. Let me know what happens, but I'm rooting for Bella," she said casually, before she left the room.

Emmett looked at me, his cocky grin growing wider by the minute. He glanced at his cards again, "All in." He said smugly and he pushed the rest of his pile of chips toward the center of the table.

Jasper interjected. "Emmett, Bella has more chips than you. If you lose this round, it's all over." I was sure he made the obvious comment for my benefit. He sat back in his chair, crossing his strong arms across his chest, looking smugly at his brother. "Bella, I think you should make him work for it."

Emmett looked dismayed, as he feverishly began counting his pile of chips that he had pushed to the center of the table. Edward did the same with mine, placing the identical amount of chips from my pile into the now teetering stacks of multi-colored chips representing the pot.

I still had a few extra chips and was about to throw those in as well, when Emmett cleared his throat. "Bella, I'll tell you what. If you win, it's over. However, to make up for the chips you have that I don't, I propose a different type of wager."

Edward growled – obvious that he could hear Emmett's thoughts. What should have made me anxious as to what he might bet me instead had me intrigued. I had done so well all night and whatever Emmett had in mind couldn't be so bad, could it?

"What do you have in mind, Emmett?" I asked casually, keeping the cards in my hand tight against my chest.

"Bella," Edward warned. For once, I ignored him, choosing to continue the fun.

"Well," Emmett began, trying to look innocent, despite his massive size, "I was thinking that if I win, I of course get bragging rights and," he paused for dramatic effect, "you fall a whole lot more often. I'm thinking at least once a week for a month or two." He laughed, placing his massive fist on his chest, as if to control his non-essential breathing.

_Falling?_ That was easy enough. "And if I win, Emmett, you can demonstrate some of those cheerleading moves you learned. I'm sure that everyone would enjoy that," I said, glancing around the room. Everyone fell into bursts of laughter.

"Excellent choice, Bella," Jasper commented.

Emmett stopped laughing, only to look at me across the table. I'd never seen him so serious. "Deal." He extended his large toward me, and I reached out to shake it, sealing our pact.

I turned my cards up and Edward discarded two, looking at Alice seriously. He placed the newly acquired cards in my hands and hissed low and fast in my ear, "This is a good hand. Go ahead."

I turned to look at him and he smiled encouragingly. Emmett looked at me, smiling smugly and for a moment, I was certain that I was done for. He refused any further exchange of cards, and my anxiety kicked into overdrive. But falling down for his amusement once a week for a month or two was no big deal, _was it?_

"Okay, Bella. What'cha got?" He laid down his hand, showing me a beautiful full house, before he crossed his heavily muscled arms across his chest. He looked so supremely confident.

Sighing, I took a deep breath. "Well, all I've got is this." I gingerly laid down three aces. Emmett let out a hoot. I purposely widened my eyes. "Wait. Does this help?" I laid down a wild card, giving me four of a kind, right over the top of Emmett's losing hand. "Did I win?" I asked as innocently as I could, trying in vain to stifle the laughter that soon erupted.

The look on his face was priceless. Rosalie did nothing to hide her snicker and Jasper fell out of his chair, when everyone realized that I had bested their big brother. Even Alice let out a high-pitched squeal. "Bella, Emmett is hard to beat. You've ushered in a new era."

Emmett stopped breathing and just looked at me, then the cards. "Well, I'll be damned. Of course, you're just kidding about the demonstration, right?" he asked, childlike, looking at me for confirmation.

Rosalie beat me to the punch. "Emmett, you know the rules about bets in this house. If you make one, you better be willing to back it up. Even if Bella didn't want to make you follow through with it, you know that the rest of us would make sure you did." She shot him a frosty glare and his lip started to protrude, doing his best imitation of a pouting child, though in all honesty, I don't think it was an imitation.

"That was great to watch, Bella," Jasper said.

"Thanks. I had no idea how much fun this would be."

"Well done, Bella," Edward cheered, before playfully messing my hair. I stopped moving, unable to look at him or anyone else.

Thankfully, Esme came walking into the dining room. "So, Bella won? That must have been hard for you, Emmett," she said gently, but a smile was tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"And Bella bet him something big. He has to…" Alice chimed in.

Esme waved her hand in Alice's direction. "I said I didn't want to hear about it. What you do about betting is your business. I'm sure that Bella didn't ask Emmett for anything extreme, and I'm sure that all of you," she looked at each of her children, including me, "will help Emmett keep his promise."

"Oh, we will, Esme. Don't you worry about that," Edward said before standing up from his chair. "I think Esme is ready for you, Bella." He offered his hand to me, which I took this time to avoid a repeat performance from earlier in the evening.

"Wait! I have the best idea," Alice exclaimed.

The tone of her voice made me anxious. "What are you thinking, Alice?" Edward and his sister exchange a glance, which made me even more nervous, especially when Edward's smile nearly cracked his perfect cheekbones.

"Well, since Edward can't read your thoughts, maybe you and he could play a hand or two of poker. It might be fun for him to be able to play once in a while with someone who isn't me. More of a challenge for him, so to speak," Alice explained.

I said nothing, unsure if I could trust my voice. I had no doubt that playing Edward would be exhilarating, but he was obviously more skilled at playing than me. Coupled with the fact that there was a real possibility that he would bet me something, rather than insignificant colored chips, my apprehension was starting to multiply. My irrational side won out and I felt myself nodding in Edward's direction.

Everyone sat back at the table. I saw Edward and Jasper exchange a look and when Jasper reached for the poker chips, he pulled them toward himself, rather than distributing equal amounts to Edward and me. This silent communicating was starting to get on my nerves. "Would you like to let me in on what you two are talking about?" I asked more curtly than I would have liked.

Esme leaned forward. "Edward, what are you thinking? I think Bella deserves an explanation."

Edward turned to me and took both my hands, rubbing his thumbs over my knuckles. "I thought we could play _one_ hand. No chips. Wagers only. Are you game?" He cocked one perfect eyebrow, waiting for my response. There were still things about me that I realized Edward remembered and how I react to challenges was obviously in the forefront of his mind.

_I'd already come this far…_ "Fine. What've you got in mind?" I demanded, hoping my face didn't betray my apprehension.

"Ladies first, Bella. What do you want from me?" He challenged.

_What do I want from him? Oh let's see…his love, an eternity of kisses, never having to say goodbye to him ever again…_ But he was looking for a real bet, something that made sense. I looked around to the members of his family. "A little help would be appreciated. Any suggestions?" I asked.

"You could take his Volvo away for a week," Alice offered.

Jasper snorted. "You could take away his music for a month. That would be a gift to us all," he said.

Emmett spoke up. "Bella, it's just like what you did with me. In our family, a bet isn't real unless you make it hurt a little, unless it's uncomfortable for the one who has to fulfill the bargain."

"Remember, Bella, it has to be at least a _little_ painful or it isn't worthy of being called a wager in this house." Rosalie said with a decided gleam in her eye. "Does that help?"

I sat back in my seat, my thoughts racing, while I tried to come up with something that Edward wouldn't necessarily enjoy. Finally a thought occurred to me that made me smile.

"Okay. Here's what I really want." _What I really want I can't have, but I soldiered on._ I faced Edward and focused on looking him square in the eye, not giving into the temptation to cower behind my hair or shift my gaze to the floor. "If I win, you have to let the whole thing about Gerry go. No more questions, no more confrontations, no more growling – deal?"

Edward's lips hardened into a tight line; he rolled his head over his shoulders, before he looked down at me. "Fine." The tone of his voice told me he was unhappy with my idea until I saw a smile wipe away the tension on his forehead that my hand desperately wanted to smooth. He casually tucked his hands into the pockets of his jeans, pursing his lips before his beautiful grin grew even wider. "But, if I win, I get a dance with you at the cocktail reception next Saturday. I get to choose the song and you can't refuse."

My heart soared, as the impact of his words hit my heart. But just as quickly, my over rational brain took control, wanting an explanation. _One that would make sense…_"Why on earth would you want a dance with me?" I asked quietly, my heart hoping for an answer that I knew would never come.

Edward leaned forward, until our foreheads were almost touching. "_Exactly_. Would I be correct in assuming that you would still avoid a dance if someone asked you?" I nodded and he smiled. "So if I win, you get to trudge through one dance with me. Like Alice said, some of the bets in this family have been more than painful. I remember once when Jasper bet me…" he began.

"No more stories. Bella, you are under no obligation to accept, unless you would like to." She glanced in Edward's direction, but instead of the reproachful look I was expecting, she looked at him gravely, her eyes tinged with a bit of sadness. She looked back in my direction, with a bright smile on her face that, although beautiful, didn't seem genuine.

"Fine. You've got yourself a deal." I said curtly and all business. I could see the eyes of everyone in the room on me. "In the interest of time, I suggest Alice cuts the deck and you and I both draw. High card wins. How does that sound to you?"

"Let's do it."

Edward smiled but stayed standing. I thought I should do the same, but found that my legs couldn't have supported my weight. Alice shuffled the cards so fast that the wind blew her bangs off her face, but still kept an eye on me before winking blatantly in my direction. She placed the neat pile of cards in front of me. "Ladies first."

I hesitantly picked up half of the deck, pulling the card out from the bottom of that half, flipping it over onto the felt tabletop. I returned the rest of the pile back to the original deck before looking at the card I had drawn. I was in luck for once, I thought…_a Jack of diamonds._ I felt a smile start to form on my lips, while I looked pointedly at Edward.

Never once breaking his gaze with my eyes, Edward took a step toward me and extended one elegant index finger, casually sliding the top card off the pile in front of us, guiding it closer to him. Without looking at it, he picked it up and flipped it on top of mine…

Though I didn't want to look anywhere but his beautiful eyes, I forced myself to look. Then, I gasped…the Ace of spades. Edward's grin widened as far as his face would allow. "Well, well. Looks like someone has to leave a spot open on their dance card for me, now doesn't it?" His tone was smug, almost condescending. The odd part was how excited I felt now that I had lost. I was looking forward to that dance more than I realized.

"Well, everyone has to lose eventually, Bella," Emmett grinned.

"We should have told her that Edward _never_ loses," Rosalie said, her grin tight.

"Yes. We probably should have warned her before taking that bet, but it's only one dance, right, Bella?" Jasper asked, as he tried unsuccessfully to fight the grin invading his face.

"Alright. That's enough. It's time to work on Bella's dress. You won, Edward. Now let me get Bella's gown altered so she has something to wear that she can dance in," Esme said, placing her hand on my shoulder.

I stood up, ready to follow Esme upstairs to her sewing room. I carefully stepped around Edward who didn't move. If I didn't know better, I would think he was trying to make me notice him. He smiled at me and nodded as I left the room, heading for the stairs.

Alice was hot on my heels, and we ascended the steps together, hand in hand, our footsteps almost silent on the dark wooden boards, meeting Rosalie on the landing. "This way, Bella. Esme only has to alter your dress. She did both mine and Alice's earlier today," Rosalie said.

"Yes, and shortened yours until its almost indecent," Alice mocked.

"I just want to be comfortable to dance that night. What's wrong with that?"

Walking between them, I felt a strange peace. A comfort. Like I was right where I was supposed to be, listening to the two of them bicker over the hem length of a dress. A dress Rosalie was wearing to the university party that _I_ was in charge of. The change in our relationship still shocked me at times, remembering what we used to have, or rather not have.

We got to an open door, the lights on inside bright and welcoming. Inside the room were two worktables, a dress form, Esme's sewing machine and various notions organized in tidy containers. In the center of the room was a raised platform in front of a mirror, with a small walk-in closet meant for changing.

Alice stepped forward and grabbed the garment bag, before handing it to me. "Go on and slip into your dress. We'll be waiting for you." She opened the door to the adjacent closet for me, which was alight with plenty of overhead lighting and mirrors. It was much more spacious than I thought it would be.

Stepping inside, I hung the bag up and started to shed my everyday clothing. I put on the undergarments to go with the dress and unzipped the garment bag. I pulled the dress out and wait…_were my eyes deceiving me?_

"Alice! This can't be my dress," I called to her from the dressing room, though how I wasn't screeching was anybody's guess.

"Bella, it's your dress. What's the problem?" She gently knocked on the door and I let her in. She picked it up between her tiny hands and looked at it. "It's lovely…exactly what we ordered. Put it on so Esme can get started."

I took in a giant breath, unable to clear my head. "Alice, this dress is dark blue. _We _ordered it in black, remember?" I felt near panic rising up in my chest.

Alice took the silk taffeta between her hands and looked at it closely. "Bella, it looks black to me. It's probably the lighting in here. Just put it on. You'll see – the lighting in Esme's dressing room is much better." She shrugged the dress off the hanger and unzipped it, holding it out for me to step into.

I closed my eyes as I stepped forward, hoping and praying that Alice was right. She pulled the dress up tight against my torso and zipped it, securing the small hook and eye at the top. Well, at least the size was right. I felt Alice struggling to slip the shoes we had purchased on my feet and hurriedly did my part to help. Looking down, the dress and the shoes looked dark blue, a lovely midnight blue, but I kept telling myself that it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

Alice opened the door to Esme's main sewing area and I stepped out, careful to hold in the emotions that seemed ready to blow. I stepped onto the platform carefully and took a careful look in the full-length mirror. _Damn it…this dress is blue! Now what?_

As if she could read my thoughts, Rosalie stepped forward and gently picked up some of the fabric between her long fingers. "Alice, this dress is blue. I thought we ordered it for Bella in black."

"We did…_I_ ordered in black from the shop myself. That saleswoman must have ordered the wrong color." Alice stepped forward again, scrutinizing the dress I was wearing, as my head started to spin as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I hadn't seen myself in this color since…

"Oh, Bella. The dress is blue, but it's lovely. Open your eyes and look. It's really perfect for you. Bella," she nearly shouted as she shook my arm, "open your eyes and look at yourself."

_My eyes were shut? _They remained that way, and I wasn't willing to open them. I already knew how it looked and didn't need another reminder. "Bella," I heard Esme's caring voice, "it is beautiful, but we can find you another gown, something that you'll be comfortable in. There's still time."

I opened my eyes at the sound of her voice, but my first glance settled on Alice. She looked terribly disappointed, until she saw me looking at her. She forced that grin of hers back in place. "Esme's right. It will have to be something off the rack, but we can go tomorrow. We'll find something that you'll like better."

Feeling intolerant and childish I started to force deep breaths into my lungs. "I'm sorry for carrying on. It's just that I don't," the volume of my voice dropped to the tiniest whisper, "wear this color," I explained. _Not anymore._

"You should wear that color more often. Even ten years later, it's still just as beautiful on you."

I whipped around at the sound of Edward's voice so quickly that I started to fall off Esme's platform, my high heels providing me zero support, as my hands extended out behind me to cushion the fall. Oddly, I never hit the floor, as Edward had caught me securely in his strong arms. His face was so close to mine, my first thought was neither embarrassment nor the dress. My _only_ thought was to cup my hands around his beautiful face and kiss him.

All too soon, he righted me back on the platform, but his hands lingered on my waist. He continued to look at the dress and then shifted his gaze to my face, his eyes holding nothing but reverence, which was…_just my imagination playing tricks on me. _

"Yes, I think you should keep the dress. It's only a dress after all. Why waste a whole day in the city looking for another? Besides, as Alice said, the horror of you having to wear something off the rack wouldn't be acceptable," he mocked, and yet there was something deeper in his eyes as he met my eyes in the mirror.

Alice smacked her brother in the arm and he winced, rubbing the place where she had made contact. I again looked at myself in the mirror, when I realized that Edward had removed his hands from my waist. The mirror showed a concerned Esme standing behind us, but concerned over what?

"So, what will it be, Bella? We can most definitely run into the city tomorrow and hunt around for something else," Rosalie asked pointedly.

I looked around the room and made a decision. "You're right. It's just a dress and it fits and it's only one night. Go ahead, Esme. Let's get started on that hem."

"Perfect. Now Edward, you shoo. We've got work to do here," Alice said, chasing her brother from the room.

Edward headed for the door, turning back to look at me once he got there. He smiled and nodded, before gracefully turning on his heel and walking into the hall, whistling a tune as he left, one much happier than the depressing song he had been playing on the piano earlier. _I would never understand his mood swings._

I just kept chanting…_it's just a dress, it's just a dress, it's just a dress…_as I could hear Emmett warming up for his cheerleading demonstration down below.

Edward's POV:

Seeing her in that lovely dress of midnight blue, my heart relaxed, feeling as if Bella and I had come full circle. I knew that somehow Alice had arranged it, since every time she and I were in close proximity, she was reciting Fibonacci numbers to herself, attempting to keep me out of her head.

After ten years, and more unhappiness than I ever thought possible, my prayers had been answered. Even if I never got to hold her that way again, next Saturday night I would have Bella in my arms and would allow myself the opportunity to dream, if only for a moment that I never had to let her go, no matter how much it hurt afterward.

I knew exactly the song that we would dance to…my only hope was that she might understand exactly how much I loved her and that I wanted her back in my life _permanently. _

The next seven days might be the longest of my existence while I waited, but my whistling tune now matched my current mood, one I hadn't felt in many, many years – _hope._


	42. Chapter 41:Bella's Cocktails with Claire

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Also Bryan Adams and the fabulous Beatles own their songs...they're just graciously allowing me to borrow them for the evening! Anything to get these two together!

_Author's Note: Thanks to heartbroken1, who beta'ed this for me while under the weather! Thanks to grumpy grizzly, who helped me extensively with both chapters that are coming tonight...and finally, to Mandi1, who helped me research the details in tonight's chapters, as well as letting me borrow the idea of Esme being a seamstress in both last week's and this week's chapters! Please check out these fabulous ladies and their work! They are stupendous!_

_I will be posting Edward's Cocktails with Claire tonight - but I still have a bit of "tweaking" to do. So stay tuned._

Chapter 41: Bella's Cocktails with Claire

Bella's POV:

The day of the party dawned bright and sunny, which was unfortunate, given that I had work to do and was trapped in the Cullen house. Thank goodness for my cell phone -- and Alice.

She called vendors, confirmed delivery times, and even phoned the University House to check on the progress of set up and deliveries just to assure the both of us that things were going as planned and that everything was in place for the party this evening.

Alice thought of everything. Goody bags for the students. Taxi service for those that got a bit too carried away and needed a sober driver to get them home. She even convinced the bartending company to invent a special cocktail to commemorate the event. We both faked our way through drinking it hoping that it was appealing.

The smell was nauseating, to me at least. I needed added reassurance so I mentioned the ingredients to Mandy in passing one day and she commented on how tasty it sounded -- I was praying that she was right.

The response for the party had been overwhelming. Last year, I had done just a standard event that was tame and rather boring and people had commented on what a good time they had, but based on what Alice had planned for this year, the buzz circulating the campus was deafening.

Those invited were excited, and those that weren't were itching for a spot. Those "guest plus one" RSVP's were coming in fast and furiously, in addition to those that had forgotten to send in their paperwork early. My email inbox was overflowing with hearty confirmations that they wouldn't miss this for the world.

My cell phone rang incessantly and I finally gave up with working in the Cullen's living room, interrupting everyone's day. I finally asked Jasper if I could use his study as a base of operations until the sunshine let up.

Until I could head over to the venue myself to check on the progress, I had to rely on my complete trust in Nikki, the university's culinary director, who had called to let me know that the tables and linens Alice had so lovingly selected were being set up and that Chris, the florist, had already delivered the beautiful French anemone centerpieces. Everything was finally falling into place.

I had apparently been in the basement for hours, completely unaware of the passage of so much time, when I heard a soft knock on the doorjamb of Jasper's study. I looked up, surprised to see Edward statuesquely standing there with his hands behind his back.

I put down the pen that I had been using to check off every detail on my never-ending list of items, vendors, and phone calls. "Hi, Edward. What's up?"

Even in a simple pair of jeans and a dark blue sweater, he looked utterly handsome. "May I come in?" he asked timidly.

"Of course."

"I just wanted to let you know that the sun has decided to hide behind the clouds and the weather forecast is predicting that this trend will hold the rest of the day, so you're free to leave. Would you like me or Alice to drive you over to the University House?"

_Let me see…would I like to get alone in a car with you? Just the two of us? Simple question and even simpler answer…_ Instead, the rational side of my head and heart took over. "Thanks for the weather update," my forced smile appeared bright and chipper though my heart was anything but, "and if you could ask Alice if she can meet me in ten minutes upstairs, that would help me out tremendously. I'll be right up."

"I'll take care of it." He turned from me more quickly than I expected, making a hasty retreat toward the stairs, before I called out after him.

"Edward?" I hoped my voice didn't betray the emotion I felt every time he was near.

He stopped before his foot made contact with the bottom step and turned on a dime, heading back toward me. "Yes, Bella?"

The sight of him, his scent, his thick, bronze hair had my whole body trembling to touch him, and I took an enormous breath before trying to look occupied with folders and endless lists for the party. "Were you still planning on driving tonight? What I mean is, if you'd rather not come, I would completely understand. I could just ride over with Alice and Jasper and…"

He took a few steps inside the office and placed both of his palms on top of the desk, leaning forward toward me, causing his scent to flair even stronger inside the small haven. He looked at me with an intensity that was hard to miss while his hair flopped sexily into his eyes, making my fingers yearn to reach out and brush it away.

As of late, I had taken to sitting on my hands when he was around, as my arms seemingly had a mind of their own.

"Bella, are you trying to renege on our little wager? Don't tell me that you're trying to back out of our dance. Don't misunderstand me; I know you detest being the center of attention, but a deal is a deal. And in this house, if you don't keep up with your side of the bargain, I can find something much worse to take its place," he threatened, though his smile assured me he was teasing. He'd leaned in even closer with this comment and I found myself inadvertently holding my breath.

I felt dazzled, and I fought to clear out those pesky cobwebs from my brain. "No, I have no intention of not keeping up my side of the bargain, though I'm no better a dancer than I was, well, ten years ago." I wouldn't let him see how much I was looking forward to dancing with him tonight, or how my whole body was physically aching to be held in his strong arms. I couldn't wait to find out if the memory of his arms was as good as the reality. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay with driving the four of us over to the campus. Still up for that?" I tried to tease casually…_like a friend would_, I thought as I sighed internally.

"I wouldn't miss it. Now, unless you need something else, I'll run upstairs and tell Alice to meet you."

"Thank you, Edward. I just need to collect my things here and then she and I can head over and check on the progress of things." I looked up at him, smiling as brightly as my cheeks would allow.

"You're welcome." _He sounded like he was purring. "_ I'll see you when Alice brings you back to get ready. Rosalie should be in her element by then." He smiled that beautiful grin of his, rolling his eyes in the process. Even though it didn't always appear so, Edward loved every member of his family – including his beautiful sister, Rosalie.

He turned and left, his light footsteps barely making a sound as he sprinted up the stairs. I gathered my things, organizing them as I went, finally placing them into my large bag. My head was swimming with details that needed to be addressed or that needed to be checked on, but the one thought that kept overriding the details was Edward.

As much as I was looking forward to having one dance with him, I kept asking myself how I would ever get through it. It would be like Christmas morning only I hoped that my body wouldn't betray how excited I felt by it.

To feel his strong arms around my waist, to be that close to him, to be able to breathe in his scent and have it encapsulate me would be bliss. I worried, although briefly, about the shoes that Alice had chosen for me. The ridiculous spike heels looked lovely, but were a death trap for me, vampire or not.

But not wanting to disappoint her or see her pouting, I agreed to let her purchase them. I was eagerly anticipating the evening, even the part of getting ready. I still wasn't thrilled that my dress had been delivered in midnight blue, but I was willing to overlook it.

Edward seemed genuine when he told me that I looked lovely in my dress when Esme was in the process of altering it last weekend, and again my heart ached with that hole that refused to close. Why couldn't I be enough for him?

I shook my head, refusing to allow myself to wallow again and sprinted up the stairs, noticing that Edward was waiting at the front door, locked in a staring match with his favorite sister.

Instantly, I knew that they were talking, or at least Alice was chatting wordlessly with Edward. They saw me approach and both smiled in my direction. Those tiny hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I knew something was being kept from me, but I didn't have the time to dwell on it right now.

"Ready to go?" Alice asked, her smile almost too wide.

"Yep. I've got everything. Can you drive, so I can go over these lists again?"

She hugged Edward goodbye and gave him one more significant parting look before heading for the front door of their home, holding it open for me.

We hopped into her Escalade, Alice smiling as she revved the engine and made a wide turn out of the drive, and headed straight for the highway.

"You excited about tonight?" Alice asked, with her usual enthusiasm.

"I'm just hoping that things go off without a hitch. And that I don't fall in those heels," I laughed, looking at her.

She seemed rather preoccupied. She was unconsciously tapping out the beat to the song from the radio on the steering wheel, one eye watching the road, but her forehead was thick with lines of worry.

"Alice."

Nothing.

"Alice, what's going on?" I laughed at her, nudging her a bit in the arm to get her attention.

"What?" She forced a laugh, which made me uneasy instantly. "What did you say?"

"I was just saying that I was hoping things went well and that I wouldn't fall in my heels. What's got you so unfocused? It's not like you. Did you _see_ something?" I asked calmly, hoping that she would confide in me.

Her face betrayed nothing, though she made no attempt to look at me. "Oh, I'm fine. I was just thinking basically the same thing. And don't you worry about those heels. You're a vampire now, Bella, and being graceful is part of the package deal. Besides, Edward will catch you if you fall. You should know that by now," she finished, her trademark grin back in its proper place.

I wasn't convinced by what she was telling me, but I let it go. We continued to drive without speaking, the only sound around us was the radio in the background. Alice would occasionally hum or sing with the music, her graceful voice so high, I thought she must be breaking some type of world record for the number of keys she could hit.

We arrived at campus, quickly making our way to the University House. Trucks and delivery vans of every variety were already there, bodies hurrying in every direction as tables and chairs, linens and all types of things were being delivered.

We both jumped out of the car to the distraction of every delivery_man_ who seemed to stop in his tracks upon seeing Alice. Even though she wasn't Rosalie beautiful, her exotic looks had the tendency to make anyone stand up and take notice.

With her graceful step, inky black hair and pale skin, she had the look of an exquisite china doll. More Ava Gardner than Grace Kelly, but it was obvious that she captivated humans in her own special way. She had been more than a friend to me in Forks – she had been the sister that I'd never had.

We walked past all the workers that were gawking at Alice, who were oblivious to the entire thing, and made our way inside the house, which had been time warped into a different era.

The University House was gorgeous with its beautiful open floor plan and period architecture. For years, it had housed the president of the university along with his family, but now the building was used for things like social gatherings and weddings, including the annual event taking place tonight. Its large ballroom on the first floor was outfitted with everything that Alice had lovingly selected and ordered from local vendors.

The dance floor was banked with rented ferns and the lighting crew was testing out the carefully orchestrated patterns that Alice had chosen on it, creating a look of elegance and fun. I could already picture the students having fun, dancing and enjoying a well-deserved night of freedom.

The tall tables without chairs, were being set up with different colored tablecloths. Shades of dusky violet, midnight blue, and deep emerald created a warm feeling that was so reminiscent of the 1950's. The beautiful centerpieces of French anemones looked perfect on every table, creating just enough height so that conversation wouldn't be a problem.

Dark chocolate brown leather loveseats were placed at different areas in the room, creating cozy corners of conversation, along with long buffet tables, where the menu would include all types of finger foods from that fabulous decade. Everything from elegant canapés and kabobs to fruit cups and deviled eggs would await each guest. Alice had also planned for two huge dessert tables that would include pies of every variety and several baked Alaskas; mile-high cakes of different flavors would be waiting to polish off everyone's sweet tooth. To bring just a bit of modern flair to the occasion, there was a coffee bar, with all types of mixes and teas to finish off the night. We might not be eating anything, but the guests of this party would be well fed.

Alice and I scoured the room, looking over every detail, before heading over to the first of two bars that had been set up. The bartender stopped what he was doing and offered us each a drink, which we declined, citing the early time in the day as an excuse. Leave it to Alice to always think quickly on her feet!

He assured us both that he and his staff had plenty of supplies for the evening and that he thought the special drink they had created would be a welcome change for many. He also showed us the special 1950's drink menu he had printed up and put in small silver frames across the granite countertop, offering the most popular drinks from the decade like champagne cocktails and Singapore slings, as well as Shirley Temples for our underage patrons who would have a different color plastic bracelet to let the bartenders know whom _not_ to serve.

Nikki, the director of the culinary arts school on campus, and in charge of the catering for the evening approached us, "Hello, _Elizabeth_. How does everything look?"

"It looks lovely. Exactly what we had in our minds, right Alice?" I grinned at my little pixie friend, willing her to be agreeable and put this poor human woman at ease.

"It's exactly how I imagined it. That and the pictures we used from the internet to make our plans, right _Elizabeth_?" Alice said, though her eyes twinkled with a hidden meaning. Alice had _lived_ through that decade, so her attention to detail was something else entirely.

Nikki smiled. "Well, you two definitely outdid yourselves. I've catered this event for several years now and this is the first time I've seen such attention to detail. Even the menu was something we had to plan with precision and care. The staff had a ball researching recipes and taste testing."

_Taste testing?_ Thank goodness for that. Alice and I used the excuses of being "vegetarian" or having allergies to get out of testing the cuisine. I had expressed that we had complete and total faith in Nikki and her staff, which in all honesty, I did.

When we exited the kitchen and the smells of human food, we saw that the string quartet, pianist and DJ had arrived. They were setting up in opposite corners of the room, giving each other the once over as they readied themselves for the evening. I acknowledged them each with a wave, knowing they had been in constant correspondence with Edward over the past few weeks.

Edward had taken over this aspect of the planning completely and I was grateful to have one less thing to worry about. When I had thanked him, he simply smiled sweetly at me, and assured me that it was his pleasure. He and I were doing fairly well with the whole "friends" thing and when we spoke, I tried to make it as brief as possible, doing my best to not wear out my welcome.

"You ready?" Alice asked.

"Everything looks good here. It's mid-afternoon. We should head back and start getting ready. I want to get back here a little earlier than I originally planned to ensure that everything is ready before guests start to arrive. Can you be ready about 30 minutes early?"

"Sure. We'll head home now and start on hair and makeup." I grimaced at her. "Bella, you aren't really just going to wear that beautiful dress and shoes and then not do something special with your hair and makeup, are you? I promise not to torture you," _too much, _I heard her mutter under her breath, "and Rose wants to do your hair. Come on – don't be a spoil sport!" she spat at me.

I rolled my eyes and gave in. "Fine, but nothing over the top. I'm still working tonight – _please_ keep that in mind," I said firmly, though it sounded more like a whimper.

Alice laughed at my feeble attempts to give her boundaries and nodded, as she drove back to the Cullen house. We got there in record time thanks to Alice's "defensive" driving skills and hurried inside where Esme and Rosalie were waiting for us upstairs in Alice and Jasper's suite.

The array of curling irons, straighteners, hairpins and makeup was dizzying and before I knew what was happening, it was like prom all over again. My hair was pulled, prodded and rolled into a tight chignon on my head, with Alice and Rosalie arguing whether or not to do a "smoky" eye or something more natural. I really had no idea what they were talking about, so I just sat back and visited with Esme.

"Are you excited for tonight?" Esme asked, her ubiquitous smile in place.

"I am, a little. But more importantly, I'll be relieved when it's a success and even more relaxed when it's _over_. I couldn't have done all this without Alice. She's really the mastermind behind it all. Are you and Carlisle looking forward to coming?"

Esme laughed quietly. "Carlisle and I haven't had a night out like this for some time. I know that he's excited to spending quality time with the family and me. And he's a wonderful dancer, so it should be a fun evening. Thank you for including the both of us."

"Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way. I think it should be an interesting night, all things considered."

Esme gave me a fleeting look of concern, her usual bright eyes clouding with anxiety. "Yes, dear. I'm sure it will be an interesting evening." She paused as if she were debating her next comment. "I know that Edward is looking forward to claiming that dance from you. How are you feeling about it?"

I bit my bottom lip, unsure of what to say. I hated lying to Esme. She was like a surrogate mother to me. I was slowly starting to lose my memories of Renee, all the things that she and I did together so many years ago. Images of her were getting scarcer, and it was wonderful to have someone who could take her place, in a matter of speaking.

Instead of blatantly lying about it, I chose to be vague. "I'm sure that it'll be fine. I can't imagine that Edward would want to embarrass me or make it too difficult…" I faded off hopefully. "Besides, it's my fault for taking the gamble to begin with." I hid my eyes from hers, sure that she would see what I was really feeling, or worse…_hoping_.

"I'm sure that my Edward will be gentle. He knows he would have to answer to me if anything happened to you." She looked at me, drawing a bit closer to my side, as Rosalie and Alice continued to fight for control of my makeup. "Bella, you know you can tell me anything, right? You're just like a daughter to me. You can confide in me and it would be kept confidential. You do know that, don't you?" Her eyes searched mine for understanding as she spoke.

I looked up at her, seeing only concern and love shining in her eyes. For just a split second, I ached to tell her everything – how much I was still in love with Edward, how grateful I was to have them all back in my life, how I would give almost everything to have his love again, but I took the coward's approach. I forced a smile that I certainly didn't feel. "Of course I do, Esme. But it's still nice to hear."

She sat back in her chair, her graceful hands once more folding and returning to her lap. "Well, the offer stands. Whenever you need me, I'll be here. Alright?" I couldn't help but notice a slight look of disappointment flicker across her face.

I nodded and refocused my attention on Alice and Rosalie, who had finally come to some agreement about how to proceed and were getting ready to attack again. I smiled to myself, realizing how blessed I was to have this family back in my life.

I dressed with care and went to put on my shoes, but after opening the box, I reconsidered. I would have enough problems walking in them all night, much less navigating the Cullen's magnificent staircase. After Alice zipped me up and I collected my things, I started to make my way out the door and down the stairs.

"Alice, do you need help?" I asked casually.

"No. Jazz will be here in a minute and we'll be down in about five. Do you have everything?" She looked down at my stocking feet, shaking her head and letting out a small laugh.

"I have everything, Alice. I'll put my shoes on once I'm safely down the stairs. I'll see you in a few minutes."

I made my way out, heading directly for the staircase. Waiting at the bottom for me was Edward looking incredibly dashing in his fancy all black suit with a slim tie. His crisp white shirt made my breath hitch in my throat. He smiled that perfect crooked grin, making me go weak in the knees. I gripped the banister tighter, careful to not leave indentations in the solid oak railing and gingerly made my way downstairs. "Hi, Edward. All ready to go?"

He looked me up and down, his smile shocking me as one of a man who liked what he saw. I _knew_, had I still been able, I would be blushing furiously at this point. His eyes lingered on my face and he extended his hand to me when I reached the bottom of the stairs. I carefully accepted his offer, careful to watch my step, until I reached the landing of the foyer.

Edward smiled at me. "You look incredible, Bella. I was right about that color looking lovely with your skin. You really should wear it more often."

I couldn't help but smile back at him. "Thank you. You look nice, too. Ready to go?" I was grateful that my voice didn't betray my feelings.

He cocked one beautiful eyebrow at me. "Ready as I'll ever be and looking forward to collecting on our little bet." His eyes twinkled mischievously.

"Bella!" I heard Alice's voice bellow to me from above.

Edward and I both glanced up toward the landing to see Alice limping toward the railing, a shoe in her hand. "Alice, what's wrong?" I asked.

"Believe it or not, I just tore my dress. Esme," she called almost too calmly.

Esme came flying out of her room. "Alice, let me see it." Esme inspected the torn train of her daughter's new gown. "How on earth did you do this?" she questioned.

Alice waved her own dangerous looking spike heel in the air. "I put my shoes on and was about to come down the stairs when I caught the train with my heel, which tore this hole in it. Can you repair it?" Alice looked distraught now.

Esme picked up the hem and fingered it carefully. "I can, but it will take a while – at least thirty minutes. Get into the sewing room and I'll be right there. I was helping your father with his tie."

Alice looked over the railing at me. "Bella, I can't leave right now. You won't make it in time. I'm so sorry," she apologized.

My mind raced, trying to think of a solution to the problem. "Alice, maybe I can just borrow one of the cars and drive myself over. Do you think Jasper would lend me his Mustang?" I asked.

Edward's light touch grazed my shoulder, drawing my attention to him. "Bella, I'm ready. Why don't I drive you and that way you can look over your notes one last time before we release you on an unsuspecting public," he teased.

I looked at him hesitantly excited to be alone with him for once and anxiously dreading it at the same time. But his smile was so sincere, so very tender that I felt myself unconsciously nod in agreement. "That would be really helpful, Edward. But, are you sure?" I searched his eyes for any misgivings.

"Bella, I wouldn't have made the offer if I wasn't. Let's head out to the car and get you there." He happened to glance down at my feet. "However, I think you'll need some shoes. May I?" He reached toward the box I was holding in my hands.

Without knowing what else to say, I nodded blindly. Edward quickly took the box from my hand and flipped the lid off, before extracting the first shoe. They were lovely. Open toed with tall heels and a simple strap with a rhinestone buckle – simple and very elegant. He had already knelt down at my feet before I felt his light touch softly behind my knee, his gentle touch drifting down my calf, before lifting my foot from the floor, and easing it into the shoe, making quick work of the closure.

I automatically grabbed his shoulder for balance, while he looked up at me, his smile so impossibly charming that my heart literally ached. He shifted to my other side, repeating the same movements, never breaking his eye contact with me.

I couldn't tear my eyes from him until I heard movement from up above. Alice came to the banister, still carrying her shoes, her once floor length dress now pinned to a respectable tea length. "Bella, be sure to check on the goodie bags and make sure that the welcoming committee knows that the red bracelets are for the underage guests, so they don't get served any alcohol. Oh, and make sure that Nikki knows that..." she continued to go through her mental list, before Esme came up from behind her.

"Alice, get back in the room. Bella has her lists and will check on everything. I need to get this skirt hemmed or none of us will get there," she ordered, her arm extended, while her finger pointed her daughter back in the direction of the sewing room.

"Bella, just one more thing. Make sure..." Alice said.

I smiled up at her before answering. "Alice, I'll take care of everything. Just go get your dress fixed and I'll see you at the University House…_soon_."

Alice smiled back before running back to the end of the hall, where Esme was waiting for her.

Edward took my coat from the banister and opened it toward me, motioning for me to put it on. He took my bag and extended his free arm chivalrously to me, which I took nervously. "I was wondering if you would mind if we drove in the Aston Martin rather than the Volvo since it's only the two of us. I haven't driven her in a while and it's important to take her out from time to time to keep her in tiptop condition. Would that be acceptable?"

_The Aston Martin._

Instantly, I was transported back ten years, to the night of the prom. I forced my body to calm itself, remembering that night – the dress, the cast on my broken leg, seeing Edward for the very first time in black, dancing with him, Jacob warning me on behalf of Billy – and Edward and I arguing about my mortality.

For a moment, I was caught back in time. Here I was again, being escorted to a formal event by Edward, though in a very different way. The dress, the car, the night...the only difference was back then I thought I had Edward's love. _Now I know that I'd never had it._

I fought to stay calm. "Sure, we can take that car. Makes no difference to me," I replied, trying to sound nonchalant.

For a moment, I saw a look of pain cross his beautiful features, but it was gone just as quickly as it had come. "Come on. Let's go," he said flatly, belying his calm exterior.

Edward and I left the house, heading for one of the several buildings on the property that housed the massive car collection that the Cullens indulged in. Edward stepped away from me, before punching a code into the keypad adjacent to the garage door.

When the door had fully lifted, there she stood. That beautiful car that had whisked us away for the prom sat there proudly, almost taunting me. It looked as if it had been recently washed and the smell of wax hung heavy in the air.

For a moment, I felt my legs start to buckle, my knees no longer able to hold any weight, as my mind was once again whisked away to the past.

Before I knew what was happening, Edward was there, holding me. "Bella, what's wrong? What's the matter?" His face held nothing but concern.

I gently pushed against his chest, reluctantly putting space between us, and trying to take some unnecessary air into my empty lungs. "I'm fine. It's just these heels. I never should have agreed to wear them. I just didn't want to disappoint Alice." I said lamely since it was the first lie that came into my mind.

He released me slowly to make sure I had my balance before gently taking my hand and leading me toward the passenger's side of the vehicle. With a flourish, he opened the door and helped me inside, reaching across me and securing my seatbelt. In a flash, he was in the driver's seat, putting the keys into the engine and turning it over. A soft purr replaced the silence in the car and within seconds we were off, the garage door shutting softly behind us.

We drove in silence, the only sound interrupting the dim being the custom engine and Edward's feet as he applied pressure on the clutch and gas as the car continued to increase in speed. We never spoke a word -- never looked at each other.

I had no idea where his mind was, but mine was trapped in the past. I looked at the car and it was like the last ten years had never happened. That he had never left, that I hadn't fallen in love with Jacob – that Grace had never come along.

Suddenly, I was seventeen years old again and that feeling of love and safety, of complete and utter adoration of the man sitting next to me filled my being completely.

But then I saw Grace's face in my mind – her dimples, her perfect little heart-shaped face, her big, somber brown eyes and that image of her ricocheted me back into the present.

Edward had left, I had loved and lost Jacob and my little girl was safe, but I would forever be without her. My resentment reared its ugly head and to try and focus myself, I reached into my large bag, hastily grabbing and pulling out the many lists that I didn't necessarily need as every detail was permanently forged inside my head – but, I desperately needed to keep my hands busy. The soft sounds of the papers rustling as I went back through the details of the party brought me roughly back to the cruel reality that my life was now.

Edward reached toward the interior light, but I waved him off. "I don't need it. We're almost there anyway. Just going over a few things," I told him not wanting to illuminate my despair.

He continued to drive until we reached the campus and then he parked the car and raced around quickly to help me from my seat. He seemed determined not to let me beat him to the punch again. We headed toward the back entrance and walked straight into the kitchen. I winced at the smell of the human food being prepared and as if he could read my mind, Edward rushed the both of us out of there and into the main ballroom.

My breath caught in my throat as my eyes took in the vision that had once been a plain old ballroom. The place was exactly how Alice had drawn it, as if the picture had come to life. The dance floor was empty yet begging for couples to spin and sway, looking to be used and enjoyed.

"I'll be right back. I'll just drop off your coat and then check on the DJ and quartet. Do you need anything else?" Edward asked quietly in my ear so as not to disturb my perusal.

I looked around and found that there wasn't much for me to do, so I nodded. "Thank you, Edward." He helped me off with my coat and I watched him as he walked away. I shook my head and got ready for the night ahead. I just wished that the butterflies in my stomach would settle.

_What could possibly go wrong tonight?_

* * *

The party was in full swing. Thankfully, President Grimm had kept her speech on the short side and wished us all a good evening. Waiters in short white jackets worked the room offering canapés and those custom cocktails, both loaded and virgin, that Alice had insisted on. Everyone seemed to be having a great time and the dance floor was filled to capacity as students and staff twirled and enjoyed both sets of entertainment that Edward had graciously put together for the evening. Staff and students alike commented on how unique this event was and how much they were looking forward to how next year's event might top it. _Sure…like I'm ever doing this again!_

Alice and Jasper were dancing again, his hand tight around her waist, a rare grin on his face, as he pulled her closer. Edward was dancing with Terri Hatch from our Wednesday night class, a slow number that had them standing together -- rather closely.

She had on a red swing dress, very reminiscent of our theme, with a surplice, criss-crossed bodice, the halter tie on her gown fashioned into a large bow behind her slim neck. She looked rather beautiful with her dark hair piled high on her head, while her tiny body was hugged in all the right places by the fitted bodice.

I could tell that Edward wasn't breathing as he danced with her. My jealousy went into overdrive again, just as it had that night when they worked together on poetry. But I had no rights to Edward and he could be with anyone he wanted.

If he continued with Terri, I wasn't sure I could take being around them. Actually, I knew I couldn't. _Maybe he's only attracted to humans. Maybe this is what he did to distract himself as the Cullens moved from place to place, to break up the monotony._ But that didn't seem like the Edward I had fallen in love with. He had never seemed that cruel.

Pushing it from my mind I walked toward Mandy when I saw her in the corner looking around with nothing to do."Hey, Mandy. Having fun?" I asked.

She looked exquisite in her peach cocktail length gown. With ruched detailing and a tiered skirt, she looked a bit like a Greek goddess. The braided, beaded straps looking lovely against her pale skin, especially with her long blonde hair twisted up in an elaborate manner near the nap of her neck. But her face held apprehension, and I realized that she was a bit gloomy, regardless of how beautiful she looked.

"Hi, _Elizabeth_. It's quite a party. Thanks for inviting me," she replied a bit sadly.

"Not having a good time?" The song ended and a new one quickly took its place.

"It's not that. I just don't know anyone and my date had to cancel at the last minute. Maybe I should just go on home," she said dejectedly, as her head turned in the direction of the coatroom.

My mind quickly formulated a plan, but I needed some time. I motioned toward Jasper and Alice, who came quickly. "You remember my teaching assistant, Mandy?" They nodded their heads, not saying a word. Under my breath, I spoke quietly and quickly. "Jasper, _please_ help me out with this – please, please ask Mandy to dance. Please? _Just once…_"

I saw Alice give Jasper a tiny nudge in Mandy's direction. "Mandy, you look lovely," he said, his lingering southern accent barely noticeable. I caught Jasper subtlety lick his bottom lip, before he cut off the oxygen to his lungs. "Would you care to dance? I'm sure that my sister can spare me for a moment, right Alice?" He looked at his beautiful wife, his eyes holding both love and resignation.

Mandy's back was to me, and I mouthed a "thank you" to the both of them and they smiled back at me.

"I would love to," Mandy shyly replied, offering her hand to Jasper.

I knew that it was five minutes tops and that I would owe Jasper forever, but I was grateful that Mandy was sticking around, temporarily distracted by a dance with a tall, blonde leonine vampire. I turned my attention to my plan to _ensure_ that she had a good time tonight, though the thought of executing it made me nervous.

I hugged Alice, who went to find Carlisle and Esme, before she could reclaim her husband for the rest of the night. I glanced around the crowded room and found exactly what I was looking for. Or rather _who_ I was looking for…

I saw him leaning casually against a wall and approached him quietly. Edward's gaze rose to meet mine, his beautiful crooked smile nearly took my breath away yet again and made me nearly forget what I meant to ask him.

"Bella," he whispered low enough for my ears only, "you really look beautiful. Don't forget you owe me a dance later," he teased.

I couldn't help the shy smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth, and my gaze shifted to the floor, looking at his highly polished dress shoes. "I have a favor to ask, and I hope that you're not offended."

"Ask away," he responded.

"Well, Mandy is here alone and I was wondering if there's anyone…" I paused, not wanting to insult him and not quite sure as to how to proceed, "that's _thinking _about her…you know what I mean."

Edward looked at me quizzically, but his eyes betrayed that he knew exactly what I was talking about. "I'm not sure I understand what you're asking me, _Elizabeth." _

I rolled my eyes, but was able to suppress the small sigh that was threatening to make itself known. "You know…is there anyone thinking about her in a _romantic _way."

He smiled a bit wickedly, but leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, the look of concentration on his face shifting between amused and angry, until finally a triumphant smile appeared on his beautiful full lips. He opened his eyes, searching for the source of the thoughts.

Edward looked at me, and gently nodded in the direction of Jack Thornton, my colleague in the English department at the university. "He's thinking of her….that she's exquisite and he would love to ask her to dance, but he's afraid she would turn him down," he offered.

I smiled appreciatively in his direction. "Thank you so much. Come and find me when you're ready to collect," I said to him, lightly touching his upper arm through his jacket, momentarily wishing that I never had to let go.

"Don't you worry. I'll be along before it gets too late," he answered, his eyes twinkling with anticipation. He boldly winked at me so I rolled my eyes at him again before walking away.

I walked in the direction of Jack, calling out to him, "Hey, Jack, come on over here. There's someone I want you to meet," I summoned.

He sauntered over, his eyes twinkling. "Hey, _Elizabeth_. The party is _great_! You really outdid yourself this year."

I smiled and shrugged at the same time. "I had the help of an excellent party planner. Come with me – like I said, I have someone who I think would be perfect for you."

Jack looked at me with a bit of apprehension in his face, but followed along good naturedly. "What are you up to, _Elizabeth_?" He asked me in an almost sing-song voice.

I forced my way through the crowd with Jack in tow until I found Mandy again. I lightly tapped her shoulder, careful to make the contact brief due to my cold, hard skin.

Mandy turned, her beautiful smile in place, which widened when she saw Jack for the first time.

I tried, in vain, to hide my smirk, "Mandy, this is my colleague, Jack Thornton."

"Hi," Jack bashfully offered.

Mandy's eyes lit up, her enthusiasm evident as a radiant smile illuminated her features. "Hi yourself," she responded warmly, offering her hand in greeting.

"Well, I'll be over there checking on the bar if you guys need anything. Have a great time," I suggested, winking at Mandy.

I made my way back to one of the stationary bars, checking with the manager to ensure that we had everything that we needed for the remainder of the evening and even asked if everyone was enjoying the signature cocktail they had designed for the event. I heard an old Beatles song, and my foot, which had been resting on a stool, started to rhythmically tap out the contagious beat.

I felt strong hands on my waist, though they were a bit unfamiliar. I was spun so quickly, I almost lost my balance and came face to face with…_John Riley._

The smile on his handsome face was tender, his eyes soft and the excitement coming off him was palpable. "_Elizabeth_, you look so beautiful tonight. Ready for that dance?" he asked. But before I could answer, he gracefully brought me to the middle of the dance floor, right smack dab in the middle of the large group of revelers.

I gasped, unsure of how to extricate myself from the situation without drawing undo attention to myself or embarrassing John.

I went with it and found that John was an excellent dancer. He spun me to and fro, and would bring me tight up against his chest, which was starting to make me rather uncomfortable. I was dangerously close to falling in my deathtraps that Alice lovingly referred to as shoes, but his hand was always there to catch me, continuing to keep both of us in time to the music. His hand would slide from my waist to my fingertips, as he would spin me back in forth in time to the music, his smile growing wider by the moment. If it weren't for the fact that I was dangerously close to falling, I would have called this _fun._

"_Elizabeth_?" he breathed into my ear. He was slowly working us toward the outermost edge of the dance floor, away from the hoards of students and faculty.

I looked at him, not knowing what to say, but instead nodded to indicate that I had heard him. My gut reaction was this was not heading somewhere comfortable.

"I need to tell you something." He pulled me closer to his chest, and I could feel his warm breath on my neck and ear.

I tried to keep my face bright, not wanting to insult him, but knowing that whatever was coming couldn't be good. The music was ending and I tried to extricate myself from his embrace. "Thank you for the dance," I offered as formally as I could trapped in his intimate embrace.

I started to move away from him, before he clasped onto my hand. "_Elizabeth,"_ he breathed quietly, his eyes full of something that I didn't dare recognize.

I turned back to look at him, glancing down at his hand holding mine in place. "What are you doing?"

"Holding onto a moment, _Elizabeth_. I'm trying to hold onto you." And with that, he leaned in, closing his eyes and as if in slow motion, I could see him leaning in to kiss me. I turned my head just in time and instead of contact with my lips, John's lips caught only my cheek. He jumped back slightly, no doubt due to the temperature of my skin.

"John." My voice was more of a stern warning than I intended, and I looked over to see that he was embarrassed. But what really caught my eye was over his shoulder. Edward was barreling toward us, the look on his face one of blatant hostility. "Thank you for the dance, but I'm your instructor. I'm flattered, really I am, but this can't work. You're such a kind and wonderful man and that perfect person is out there waiting for you, but I'm not her. I'm so sorry."

He nodded at me, looking crushed, before his good manners kicked in. "Thank you for the dance, _Elizabeth_. I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds." He was still smiling brightly, doing his best to keep whatever dignity he still had intact. His face blushed a light pink, and my heart went out to him.

Edward reached us, and possessively took my arm, jerking me toward him almost roughly. "_Elizabeth,_ I'll _claim_ that dance now." His voice was angry and matched the look on his face.

_Why was he so upset?_

John stepped in front of him, his face fiercely protective. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"Excuse me? What do you think _I'm_ doing?" Edward almost growled back at him.

John didn't back down, and Edward pegged him with a hard stare, before I interceded. "John, you remember Edward from class? He's an old family friend. Thanks again for the dance and enjoy the rest of your night. I'll see you Wednesday evening."

Before John could say another word, Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders firmly, his left hand holding mine, as he moved me to the middle of the dance floor. I couldn't catch my breath as Edward's strong hands slid down my arm, taking my elbow and spinning me forcefully toward him.

My hand naturally found its way to his broad shoulder; the other he snatched up in his hand, him adjusting it from a customary, polite hold to one much more intimate. A slow song, one I wasn't all that familiar with started to play when Edward's hand found its way to my waist.

I remembered how we danced that night of the prom, how his hold on me helped me maintain my balance despite my clumsiness and broken leg. How he held me tightly and his smiles and kisses made the night memorable. I knew I had never stopped loving him. Even after I fell in love with Jacob, Edward held a place in my heart. I may have locked it away and did everything in my power to keep it from surfacing, but it was something I could no longer deny. One thing was absolutely clear. I was completely and irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen– always had been, always would be.

Edward's hand slid to the small of my back, pulling me closer to him and my body instinctively heeded the call. As much as I knew how much it would hurt later, I could no longer resist the lure his body offered me and I molded my body against his, unwilling to even allow enough space needed for a slip of paper between us. If this ended up being the only opportunity I would ever have again to hold him like this and to have him hold me in return, I would take full advantage of it.

He had taken my hand and placed it over where his heart used to beat, covering it with his own when I my ears pick up his lovely tenor voice, singing quietly in my ear.

"_You're still the one…"_

I knew that Edward was only singing along with the song, but my heart yearned for those words falling from his lips to be real, to tell me that he still loved me and that he had never stopped loving me. My heart begged for him to tell me that the past decade of being apart was just a misunderstanding, something that he never intended to do.

"_So if you're feeling lonely…don't"_

His singing was a soft whisper in my ear, his beautiful tenor voice so perfect and soft. My body melted into his, unwilling to break contact, while my heart prayed for this song to never end. I knew that if I could stay in his arms, I would never feel lonely again.

"_I remember the smell of your skin…"_

My mind raced back to that first day in the biology lab, his eyes black with hunger, and how uneasy I was of him, until he told me later how my blood called to him like no other. How he fought his instincts every single time we were together, him torn between wanting to kill me and keeping me safe.

_Didn't that mean that he had loved me at least a little? Didn't that count for anything?_

"_You're the only one I ever want…"_

Why couldn't it be real? Why couldn't he just love me as much as I loved him? Why couldn't I be enough for him? His cheek touched mine and I could feel his soft hair as he pulled me closer to him, his velvet voice continuing to sing quietly in my ear. I knew that I was the only one who could hear it, and I laid my cheek on the lapel of his jacket, my eyes half-closed as I faced outward toward the crowd.

I saw Alice and the look on her face was one of shock and excitement, all mingled together. She smiled at me, waving, until Jasper pulled her tighter against him and laid a tender kiss on her lips.

My jealousy came back ten-fold and I forced myself to relax, to just enjoy the moment in Edward's arms, knowing that it would end in a matter of minutes – possibly seconds. I pulled myself even closer to him, my hand clamping down on his thumb, his hand gripping mine like a vice grip.

"_Please forgive me – I know not what I do…"_

Those words called to my broken heart, hope and heartache all mingled together in a crushing blow. I felt the air in my lungs rush out, and I fought to refill them, my mind in a constant battle with my heart, as I struggled to maintain a calm appearance. The last thing I needed was to misinterpret Edward's actions and make an even bigger fool of myself.

I had barely lifted my head and turned it toward his when I noticed that he had done the same. His golden eyes were molten, pulling me closer to his beautiful mouth, which lay gently open, the scent of his breath hitting my system like a freight train. He leaned in closer, his eyes locked on mine, our foreheads making contact, before he sang again.

"_Please believe me – every word I say is true…Please forgive me -- I can't stop loving you…"_

He leaned in and my body echoed his movements, until there was only one place left to go. I started to pull away from him, wanting to end things before I embarrassed myself.

"Bella, please," he pleaded, as he tightened his grip on me. He inclined his head toward mine, his beautiful mouth making contact with my lower lip, and then the unimaginable happened.

_His kiss deepened_.

This was _nothing_ like the kisses we'd shared when I was human. His lips were slightly parted, his sweet breath and scent filling my every cell and making me forget everything else. Before, when I would pull away, so would he. But as I started to draw back, realizing this was just a terrible mistake, he gripped my hair and kissed me even more urgently, his grip on the small of my back pulling me flush against his strong, hard body.

This was it. What I had wished for since that day that changed everything. Running into the Cullens in September… _No_, I had wished for this since that day when he told me he was leaving all the years ago in Forks.

I pushed those thoughts from my mind, determined to enjoy this moment, knowing that all too soon, he would back off and apologize, explaining that he was caught up in…_what? _

_How could he possibly explain this? _

_And more importantly, how would I explain kissing him back? _

I didn't care. I pushed my lips against him tighter, the rough edge of the kiss invading my mind, knowing that for once, everything in the world seemed right. That my prince had come back for me and still loved me, even if the real story was far from that. I no longer cared what was reality and what wasn't.

For the very first time in more than a decade, I felt…_whole._

We had stopped swaying to the music, as our kiss grew more frantic and my hands found their way to his beautiful, soft hair. I pulled him closer to me, until I heard it. Something familiar and yet so unwelcome. A _song_…an overture that slipped in like an invasion, burrowing its way between Edward and I and snapping me back to reality…just like that.

The pianist that Edward had hired began the familiar introduction to a song that was both bitter and sweet…Debussy's Claire de Lune began to play, it's calm and rhythmic melody bringing a hush to the crowded ballroom and everything fell back into place.

He had left me.

I tried again, only to lose…_everything_.

And I _knew_ I couldn't go through it again – that the pain wouldn't just cripple me. That it would in essence, kill me.

I broke our kiss, my hand reluctantly finding its way to his chest and pushing him back. He reached for me again, his eyes full of shock and confusion before I pivoted on my heel away from him.

And then I did what he'd done to me all those years ago.

_I ran…_


	43. Chapter 42:Edward's Cocktails WClaire

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Also Bryan Adams and the fabulous Beatles own their songs...they're just graciously allowing me to borrow them for the evening! Anything to get these two together!

_Author's Note: Thanks to heartbroken1, who beta'ed this for me while under the weather! Thanks to grumpy grizzly, who helped me extensively with both chapters that are coming tonight...and finally, to Mandi1, who helped me research the details in tonight's chapters, as well as letting me borrow the idea of Esme being a seamstress in both last week's and this week's chapters! Please check out these fabulous ladies and their work! They are stupendous!_

_Here's Edward - enjoy! And please don't hate me...good things are coming! I promise..._

Chapter 41: Cocktails with Claire

Edward's POV:

Looking out the big bay window from our living room, I noticed with relief that the sun was finally content to hide itself behind the clouds. I raced down the stairs to let Bella know, my feet barely making contact with the stairs, gracefully halting when I saw her. She was seated behind Jasper's massive desk, making her look even more petite than usual, while she held her cell phone between her shoulder and ear, riffling through lists of details for this event that she and Alice had poured so much time and energy into.

It had been a week since our little wager and even though I felt a trifle guilty for allowing Alice to stack the deck in my favor, her thoughts telling me that the highest cards in the deck were waiting for me _both_ on the top and bottom, I was never so grateful for my sister's meddling.

Tonight, even if it were for mere minutes, I would hold Bella in my arms like the last ten years hadn't happened. The thought of touching her that way made my stomach clench with anticipation. The evening couldn't come quickly enough.

I stood there for a moment, waiting for her to finish her call, eyeing her covertly while her pen hovered in mid-air, before she scribbled notes furiously on the pad of paper in front of her. She bid a hasty goodbye to whomever she was talking to and snapped the cell phone shut. I took her moment of solitude as an opportunity to interrupt.

I knocked on the doorjamb of Jasper's study. She looked up at me, seemingly surprised to see me standing there. To keep my hands from reaching out to hold her, I looped them behind my back.

"Hi, Edward. What's up?" Her face, even in a state of surprise, never failed to take my breath away. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen and I prayed that I would continue to be blessed with being in her life even if it was only as a friend.

I took a deep breath before responding, "May I come in?"

"Of course."

I took a step into the study, trying to maintain a calm demeanor, not wanting to upset her or cause her more stress than she was already undoubtedly experiencing. "I just wanted to let you know that the sun has decided to hide behind the clouds and the weather forecast is predicting that this trend will hold the rest of the day, so you're free to leave. Would you like me or Alice to drive you over to the University House?"

She barely glanced up at me, instead shifting her focus to the piles of paper and folders in front of her. "Thanks for the weather update." Her smile was bright, but forced, and I fought to keep my face smooth instead of displaying how her indifference cut deeply. "And if you could ask Alice if she could meet me in ten minutes upstairs, that would help me out tremendously. I'll be right up."

"I'll take care of it." When I turned from her, I allowed the pain to register, but I suppressed my frustrated sigh as I headed toward the steps leading upstairs.

"Edward?" The sound of her voice made me stop instantly in my tracks and the sensation of her feminine intonation made my skin tingle.

I slowly turned back to look at her. "Yes, Bella?"

She paused for a moment, her eyes sweeping over me, making me wonder again what she was thinking. "Were you still planning on driving tonight? What I mean is, if you'd rather not come, I would completely understand. I could just ride over with Alice and Jasper and…"

Pain shot through my chest -- she didn't want me there. But instead of feeling hurt, I decided to feign confidence. I stepped back inside the office and leaned forward toward her, placing my hands down on the desk. I looked down at her, hoping that my gaze would help her understand how serious I was about being there tonight – hoping that it would register how much she meant to me, and that I wouldn't give up, even if it took forever.

I noticed that she sat on her hands, which was something she had never done before. "Bella, are you trying renege on our little wager? Don't tell me that you're trying to back out of our dance. Don't misunderstand me; I know you detest being the center of attention, but a deal is a deal. And in this house, if you don't keep up with your side of the bargain, I can find something much worse to take its place," I said with a hint of aggression, but hoping that my smile would convey my true feelings.

She tenderly bit her bottom lip and my arms ached to pull her into my embrace and kiss her – _hard_. "No, I have no intention of not keeping up my side of the bargain, though I'm no better a dancer than I was, well, ten years ago."

My mind went back to every dance we shared during our junior prom…how beautiful she looked, how her scent captivated me, how her lips, painted a deep pink begged to be kissed – _by me_.

Her voice brought me back to the present. "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay with driving the four of us over to the campus. Still up for that?"

_Still up for it? _Like I'd forgo the chance to have her next to me? "I wouldn't miss it. Now, unless you need something else, I'll run upstairs and tell Alice to meet you."

"Thank you, Edward. I just need to collect my things here and then she and I can head over and check on the progress of things." She looked up at me, her beautiful smile captivating my attention.

"You're welcome. I'll see you when Alice brings you back to get ready. Rosalie should be in her element by then." I smiled at her, knowing how important Bella had become to both my sisters and mother.

Alice was waiting for me at the base of the staircase, her smile wide. Her thoughts were giddy and I motioned to her to slow down so I could understand exactly what she was thinking.

"_Edward, I'm going to pull a little something tonight, just before it's time to go. I just need you to play along. I thought you __should __take Bella __to the party__ by yourself. That way, you can have a little bit of time alone with her. Jasper will help you wash and wax your precious Vanquish just as soon as Bella and I leave to check on the venue. Sound like a plan?"_

I nodded at her, my smile widening. Leave it to Alice to find a way to not only win me a dance with Bella dressed in my favorite color on her, but to also set up a moment that I hoped would remind her of all the special times we spent together.

Bella came up from the basement, her gaze fixed on Alice and me. The look on her face was one of pure curiosity and we both broke off what we were doing to not give her more to be suspicious about.

Alice's smile was radiant. "Ready to go?"

Bella's eyes narrowed a bit before she responded. "Yep. I've got everything. Can you drive, so I can go over these lists again?"

Alice hugged me goodbye, but not before she gave me one last parting thought. _"Edward, I may not be able to see what's coming tonight because of Bella's gift, but I have a feeling that something big is going to happen. Just hold onto that, a__ll __right? You two are meant to be together and not one of us is going to give up until you and she are reunited. Understand?"_

I nodded at her subtly, holding the door open for them to leave, and I lingered, waiting for them to exit the drive safely before I called out for Jasper. "They're gone. Alice volunteered you to help?"

Jasper came downstairs quickly, his usual stoic expression replaced with a small smile. "Alice made me promise to help, which I would have done regardless. Come on," he offered.

We made our way out to the garage and made quick work of the Aston Martin, having her gleaming and ready to drive in no time. Just looking at the prize car in my collection made my heart feel as if it were racing with anticipation, knowing that I would have Bella all to myself for at least a small part of the evening.

I heard Bella exiting Alice's room, my nerves stretched to the very limit. Her soft voice carried down the stairs to me and my heart readied itself to finally see her all dressed and ready to go. I wouldn't let myself see her in Alice's mind, knowing that the real thing would be superior to anything I could see second hand.

She came to the top of the stairs, with a shoebox in her hands, and decended slowly. I couldn't help but smile because her delicate beauty was magnified by the splendid job that my sisters had done with her hair and makeup.

She was a vision, looking like she had just stepped off the cover of a 1950's magazine. Her hair was swept elegantly into a twist on the back of her head subtly exposing the graceful lines of her neck. That neck. It reminded me of her pulse and the freesia scent that would fill my senses as I used to run my nose along her jaw.

I remember that Alice had purchased a dress similar to this not too long after she married Jasper, but on Bella it was entirely different. The midnight blue highlighted her pale skin and dark hair and the short, full skirt made her slim legs look elegant. I smiled wider when I noticed her stocking feet, but even without shoes, she would be the most beautiful woman at the party tonight. My arms ached to hold her, but I settled for offering her my hand, so she could navigate the stairs safely without her shoes.

"You look incredible, Bella. I was right about that color looking lovely with your skin. You really should wear it more often."

The way she smiled at me made my usually strong legs turn to mush. "Thank you. You look nice, too. Ready to go?"

I tried to contain my enthusiasm, not wanting to startle her. "Ready as I'll ever be and looking forward to collecting on our little bet."_ I can't wait to hold her close to me._

I heard Alice's thoughts call to me. _"Remember Edward, just play along. You'll know exactly what to do."_ I heard my sister's usually graceful step clump along the landing of the second floor. "Bella!"

Bella and I both glanced up toward the landing to see Alice limping toward the railing, a shoe in her hand. "Alice, what's wrong?" Bella asked, her voice full of concern.

Alice's usually calm demeanor looked a bit stressed, for Bella's benefit, I'm sure. "Believe it or not, I just tore my dress. Esme…" she called.

Hearing Alice's panic, Esme came running. "Alice, let me see it." Our mother inspected the damage to Alice's dress. "How on earth did you do this?" she questioned. Though her eyes were fixed on the damage to Alice's dress, I could hear Esme's thoughts. _"I know something's going on here, Edward. Alice just doesn't tear her clothing everyday. You all better behave, or you'll have to deal with me later."_

In her usual theatrical way, Alice waved her shoe around dramatically, her beautiful face looking distraught. "I put my shoes on and was about to come down the stairs when I caught the train with my heel, which tore this hole in it. Can you repair it?"

Esme carefully inspected the "damage" to Alice's gown. "I can, but it will take a while – at least thirty minutes. Get into the sewing room and I'll be right there. I was helping your father with his tie."

"Bella, I can't leave right now. You won't make it in time. I'm so sorry." Bella looked down at the floor, just as Alice winked at me. _"Now go. Take the car and have a good time. Talk to her, Edward; reassure her about tonight. She'll be in your arms before you know it!"_

"Alice, maybe I can just borrow one of the cars and drive myself over. Do you think Jasper would lend me his Mustang?"

I panicked, not anticipating this turn of events. I reached out casually to touch her shoulder, drawing her attention back to me. "Bella, I'm ready. Why don't I drive you, and that way you can look over your notes one last time before we let you release on an unsuspecting public," I said lightly, trying to ease her stress, all the while praying that she would take me up on her offer.

Gratefully, Bella nodded at me in agreement. "That would be really helpful, Edward. But, are you sure?"

_Am I sure? _I could think of no better way than to spend the next twenty minutes. "Bella, I wouldn't have made the offer if I wasn't. Let's head out to the car and get you there." I chuckled quietly, looking down at her feet. "However, I think you'll need some shoes. May I?"

I reached for the box in her hands, as she nodded at me quietly. I removed the lid and took out a shoe, before crouching down near her tiny feet. With great care, I placed my hand behind her knee, my hand gliding down her smooth calf, before reaching her elegant ankle, gently lifting her foot from the floor. I eased the shoe on, securing the clasp just tight enough so she would feel safe and comfortable. I did the same with the other, my hands so carefully touching her skin, as I savored every moment that I could touch her. She grabbed hold of my shoulder to maintain her balance and I glanced up at her smiling, all the while never breaking eye contact with her beautiful face.

Alice came out once more, breaking up the quiet moment that Bella and I were sharing, barking out items for Bella to check on. Thankfully, Esme came to the rescue, and I was alone with Bella once more.

I helped my angel with her coat. "I was wondering if you would mind if we drove in the Aston Martin, rather than the Volvo, since it's only the two of us. I haven't driven her in a while and it's important to take her out from time to time to keep her in tiptop condition. Would that be acceptable?" I hoped for some tiny sign, anything that would give me hope that she remembered our night together all those years ago and that I would give anything to take back the last ten years.

Her body stilled and her eyes looked like they were far away. "Sure, we can take that car. Makes no difference to me." Her tone was distant and strangely cold and I fought to keep the look of pain from invading my face.

"Come on. Let's go," I offered, though my tone no longer held enthusiasm. I was finding it harder and harder to maintain any type of confidence that I would ever be with Bella again, regardless of how anyone else in the family felt.

We made it out to the garage and I opened it to where the Aston Martin was showcased. I turned back toward Bella, only to notice that she looked like she was on the verge of toppling over, her eyes vacant. I rushed to her side. "Bella, what's wrong? What's the matter?"

She barely acknowledged me, instead pushing back against me, eager to separate us. "I'm fine. It's just these heels. I never should have agreed to wear them. I just didn't want to disappoint Alice." I knew she was lying. My Bella was never good at lying to anyone…especially me.

I helped her in the car, not speaking a word, and took off. There was no conversation between us, but I could feel the tension coming off of her. I left the radio off, knowing that if she wanted to say something, I would listen.

She grabbed papers from her bag, going through her lists and I went to turn on the overhead light, even though I knew she didn't need the assistance. "I don't need it. We're almost there anyway. Just going over a few things," she said to me coldly. I felt completely frustrated at how the ride was progressing. I had hoped this time together would relax her and remind her of happier times, but it seemed that being alone with me was generating the opposite reaction. She was getting tenser by the minute.

I continued to drive, my thoughts focused on only her. What was she thinking that make her so angry? I reflected on everything that I had learned about Bella since finding her again. She had created an entire new life and new identity since leaving Forks. In all reality, I was impressed.

My family and I were seasoned professionals when it came to packing up and leaving, having each other to lean on and get through the transitions that came regularly in our lives. Bella had been alone. _Completely alone._ How she had accomplished anything, much less landing not one, but two jobs? How had she purchased her home? How had she made everything work?

More importantly, how did she continue day in and day out? Knowing that she watched Grace grow up from afar, and seeing first hand how much that hurt her, I have no idea how she survived the last three years by herself. Granted, she had a home and money coming in, but she had _no one_ else. My heart began to ache for her all over again. This beautiful woman next to me had sacrificed everything for those that she loved. Grace and Jacob Black would never understand how much Bella had given up and how much she continued to suffer everyday to help them realize their normal life.

I became conscious of it then. Bella had done the exact same thing that I had, though hers was forced. I left Forks to ensure that she had what she needed, which was to stay safe and not continue to be in constant danger. Bella had been threatened by a pack of dogs, and had no choice by to leave, but she continued to keep her distance, refusing to contact Jacob directly, allowing Grace the opportunity to have what Bella had been denied due to fate's intervention.

My knuckles tightened around the steering wheel once more, feeling rage toward myself, and Jacob Black – even wishing that Victoria were still alive, if only so I could destroy her myself. This wasn't how this was supposed to happen. It was one thing for me to suffer in pain. But it wasn't for Bella.

My angel was supposed to be happy, and there seemed to be nothing I could do to grant her that. Even my very presence seemed to aggravate her.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I almost missed our turn off the highway toward the university and I merged onto the exit at a ridiculous speed, both of us lurching sideways with the car.

We arrived at the campus and I drove around back, parking the car far from anyone else's. I jumped out and helped Bella from her seat, grateful for the brief touch she allowed me when I helped her from the car. I offered my arm, which she hesitantly took and led her toward the staff entrance.

The smell of food made me hustle her out of the kitchen and into the main space that made up the venue for tonight's event. I was struck anew by the look of the place, having only seen it in Alice's mind. It looked so much like the fifties night club that my siblings and I used to go to from time to time to relax and enjoy each others company. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett would dance, while I would enjoy the jazz music, my mind focused on anything other than the thoughts of others.

I saw the dance floor, banked with greenery, and my hope was renewed briefly. I knew exactly when the special song I had selected would be played, as I knew the song rotation I had drafted for the evening by heart. It would take a while to get there, but my hope was that by then, Bella's responsibilities for the night would mostly be complete and I could enjoy her all to myself for the brief moments I would have with her exclusively.

I felt the need to discuss the song list with both musical groups once more, to ensure that they understood that the list needed to be followed precisely. "I'll be right back. I'll just drop off your coat and then check on the DJ and quartet. Do you need anything else?"

She shook her head at me. "Thank you, Edward." Her face looked so utterly perfect, those lips slightly parted, that I had to restrain myself from kissing her. That wasn't what tonight was about, no matter how much I wanted it.

* * *

Bella's abilities to plan an event, even with Alice's help, were overwhelming. She was this tiny powerhouse, moving from place to place, her perfect smile in place, while she continually checked on the evening's progress. I could hear countless individuals tell Bella in person or think to themselves how much they were enjoying the party and I was grateful for her success.

I was lost in my thoughts, leaning against the wall in the dark when I heard a familiar voice drift into my head. _"Just go do it. Just ask him! What's the worst he can say? So, he says 'no' – you can deal with a little rejection. But if you don't ask, you will never get this chance again."_

Terri was there from our Wednesday night class, moving slowly toward me. I instantly looked for anywhere else to be, but knowing I wouldn't be a gentleman if I stole away.

She approached me, a tiny bead of sweat on her forehead and shoulders, which made her subtle scent increase tenfold. "Hi, Edward. You look really nice. Having a good time?"

I took in a short breath, necessary to form the words to answer her. "You look lovely, Terri. I'm having a fine time. And you?" I held my breath again, not willing to breathe in anymore than absolutely necessary. I could hear her thoughts and was cringing internally until I realized that this young human could help me again with Bella without her even realizing it.

"Edward, would you dance with me? Just once?"Her fear, not of me, but of rejection, made my heart soften toward her.

I also heard Esme's thoughts after she heard Terri from across the room as she danced with my father. _"Edward, be nice. But keep it short. Dance with the poor girl!"_ I could see Carlisle's face through her thoughts, his lips pursed to keep him from laughing, and quietly sighed.

I forced a small smile. "Terri, a dance would be nice. Follow me," I said to her, offering my arm. When we arrived on the dance floor, I tried to maintain a little distance, knowing that once she made contact with my skin, she would most likely repel, possibly even reconsider.

I offered her my hand, and just as I suspected she recoiled from the contact. "Are you cold?" she asked.

I smiled softly at her, using the same excuse that every member of our family used – something that wasn't entirely a lie, for the most part. "Poor circulation. A family trait, I'm afraid. Sorry."

She was a brave one, this Terri. She took my hand again and I gently glided her across the dance floor, as she tried over and over again to get closer to me. I held my breath, as her scent grew stronger, counting backwards, knowing that within just a few minutes, I could go back to my perch on the wall.

I noticed that Bella had taken a break from racing around the party and was surveying the dance floor. _Please let her notice that I'm dancing with this poor human…_

Bella's eyes found Terri and me and even though the gentleman inside of me was ashamed of my actions, I pulled the poor girl closer to me as the music grew slower and more pronounced.

The hard look on Bella's face made me immediately regret my actions, and I prayed for the song to be over quickly. She turned from the dance floor, disappearing into the crowds.

The song ended and another quickly took its place. I thanked Terri for the opportunity and she smiled back at me. I hoped in my heart that she would find a man worthy of her attention one day, one brave enough to take her on. Even if the poor girl didn't know it, she had danced with a vampire and walked away, _alive,_ to tell the tale.

I searched the room, looking for Bella from the spot I had chosen on the far wall. I found her talking to Mandy, her friend from work. I heard their conversation -- Mandy's date had cancelled on her, and she looked and sounded like she was about to abandon the evening's festivities. Bella did the unimaginable.

She motioned to Alice and Jasper who had been dancing the entire evening and they immediately came over. I could hear Bella quietly beg Jasper to ask her friend to dance. Alice nudged her husband in Mandy's direction, her thoughts only of keeping Bella happy.

I could hear their thoughts in completely contradiction to the others, and chuckled to myself, knowing that Bella would owe Jasper…_forever._

"_If I didn't love Alice so much, I would never take this chance. How am I supposed to get through even a short song being this close to someone who smells like," _Jasper inhaled deeply,_ "vanilla and citrus?"_

Jasper immediately cut the air supply to his lungs, cursing himself for breathing in Mandy's scent. I had stood just as close to her a couple of times and knew how appealing she smelled and the excitement blooming in her made that scent headier. _Poor_ _Jasper_. It was amazing how Bella could get things done, even getting my poor brother to dance with a human.

While Jasper went to the gallows with Mandy in tow, Bella hugged Alice tightly, thanking her before her head snapped up looking for something…or _someone_. I bent my head down, but I could see her approaching me from the side, her gait one of determination.

She reached me and I couldn't help but smile, once again overwhelmed by how breathtaking she looked. "Bella, you really look beautiful. Don't forget you owe me a dance later," I teased, wishing I had more than one opportunity this evening.

As customary for Bella, she smiled shyly, her gaze drifting toward the floor. "I have a favor to ask, and I hope that you're not offended."

"Ask away." _Didn't she understand that I would deny her nothing?_

Her gaze continued to focus on the floor, her hands clasped behind her back, and I could see that she was choosing her words carefully. "Well, Mandy is here alone and I was wondering if there's anyone…" she paused and I momentarily thought that might abandon the whole thing altogether before she continued, "that's _thinking _about her…you know what I mean." She let out a tiny sigh, its dulcet tone making my stomach flutter.

I decided to tease her just a bit, if only to keep her talking to me a tad longer. "I'm not sure I understand what you're asking me, _Elizabeth,_" I said directly.

She rolled her eyes, as she visibly relaxed, before looking up at me. "You know…is there anyone thinking about her in a _romantic _way."

Smiling at her broadly, I leaned back against the wall, allowing the deafening hum of the room, the hundreds of voices and thoughts to invade my mind. Some of the things I heard made me chuckle, until I heard his voice.

_John Riley. _

Would I ever be free of this human? Once I heard him, I couldn't help but be angered by his thoughts. _"Where is she?"_ I could see him imagining Bella smiling at him, and my stomach rolled with his next thought. _"Once I find her, I know I can talk her into a dance."_

I was finally able to dismiss his thoughts, knowing that my Bella would never willingly agree to dance with anyone of her own volition. I continued to let my mind wander, looking for someone who was thinking of Mandy, when I found him. I smiled and opened my eyes, until I could place the voice. I nodded in the direction of a tall man with dark hair and glasses.

Bella followed my line of sight and seemed to recognize him. "He's thinking of her….that she's exquisite and he would love to ask her to dance, but he's afraid she would turn him down," I explained.

Her smile was bright and excited, making her eyes twinkle. I would do that everyday for her if I could see her smile that like more often. "Thank you so much. Come and find me when you're ready to collect," she said, lightly touching my arm, which nearly made me jump with excitement.

She walked away, ready to play matchmaker with her friend. I looked at her, knowing that she had the kindest heart, one that made me want to care for it and her for eternity, if only she would give me another chance.

Bella had walked away from Mandy and her new friend Jack, when I saw her head briskly to the bar. She politely checked on their progress, flashing them a dazzling smile. It's odd to think that Bella didn't intimidate most humans, mostly due to her kindness and easy personality. I'm certain that it also helped that Bella was incredibly attractive, even if she didn't recognize it. She'd never thought of herself that way when we were together, but she couldn't have been more wrong.

Emmett sauntered over to me, his relaxed pace one that I was familiar with.

"Emmett, where's Rose?" I asked casually, never taking my eyes off Bella.

Emmett chuckled. "She's run to the ladies room with Alice. Something about a hair emergency," he said, "though I think she looks great. She always looks beautiful to me. Damn! Did you see her dress! She never ceases to amaze me."

I had seen a human lifetime of Rose's ideas when it came to apparel and this one didn't begin to compete with some of the ensembles she had chosen in the past, though one could hardly deny that it didn't suit Rosalie's personality perfectly. I laughed lightly, noticing that Bella's foot that had been resting on a bar stool, began tapping with the beat of an old Beatles song.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see John Riley approaching her. I have no idea what look crossed my face, but Emmett's hand reached out in a flash and grabbed me, preventing me from interceding. "Emmett, let go," I growled.

"Edward," he said calmly, "you know as well as I do that you can't interrupt them. If you lay a hand on that guy, he'll be dead in less than a second. Just simmer down," he directed calmly.

I took several deep breaths, willing myself to calm, before I noticed he reached out and grabbed Bella's waist from behind, spinning her toward him. My anger increased a hundred fold, and I was thrown for a moment, unsure of what to do.

Bella had every right to dance with him and her smile left me wondering if she was enjoying herself or uncomfortable as hell. His thoughts left nothing to the imagination. He wanted Bella for himself and had every intention of telling her that…_tonight._

I felt Emmett's grip on me increase. I didn't bother to struggle, knowing that he could hold me in place, barely exerting himself.

"When are you going to tell her, Edward?"

I wouldn't tear my eyes off Bella, keeping my focus directly on her, in case she needed my help. "Tell her what, Emmett?" I snapped back.

Emmett's grip loosened a bit, but he didn't let go of my arm. "When are you going to tell her you love her? What the hell are you waiting for?" he said, his voice full of indignation.

I could feel my shoulders sag. "She doesn't love me, Emmett. I won't make her uncomfortable by declaring something that she can't return. I'd rather be miserable having her in my life, her never loving me back, than not having her at all. I can't go through it, losing her…I can't bear that, Emmett – not again."

"Edward, I love you, just like a real brother. And I love Bella, too. But she didn't leave you. _You left her._ You made all of us leave her, and I'm sure that that wasn't the right decision for any of us._"_

His words hit me hard, but I knew he was right. "Emmett, she doesn't love me anymore. I'm not sure she ever did. She was human then, and for all I know, that love died when she did. She had a husband, a real life -- a child that she can't see anymore. What can I possibly offer her? What can I give her that would bring her even a modicum of happiness?" I picked up the highball with the mixed drink that Bella had asked all of us to carry, a prop to help us fit in during the party. The strong smell of the amber liquid intensified, as I swirled the glass casually.

"You can give her your love. You can give her the family that she no longer has. You can give her some way to bear this existence of a life. And as for her loving you? She still loves you. We can all see it. What I can't understand is how you continue to go on believing that she no longer loves or cares about you."

I finally looked at him, surprised at the depth of sincerity in his eyes. When I left her, Emmett never argued with me, but I could see his sadness. In the very short time that he knew Bella, he had grown attached. He looked at her like a baby sister, one to protect, to tease…one to love. I hadn't just failed Bella when I left her. I failed my entire family and my guilt returned like a plague. But my heart wouldn't hear what he was trying to say. "Emmett, I wish I could believe you."

"Edward, there's something else…" his voice drifted off, as if he was reconsidering what he was about to say to me, until he looked at me straight on, "…one other thing you need to consider."

My curiosity was peaked. "What's that?"

"How long do you think she can last?"

I looked at him, my brow furrowed, trying to understand what he was saying. "What are you talking about?"

"Edward, she's survived, _alone_, for three years. That first year she hunted Victoria. And then what? She works basically around the clock and what do you think she does with those long, dark nights? She can't possibly have enough to keep her busy, and we all know that the solitude must be hard on her. She's still grieving the loss of Grace and those daily emails eat her alive."

"How long do you think she can continue to go on and not have a mate? How long do you think she can continue to exist by herself? You know that our kind can't survive alone, that we aren't meant to be by ourselves. I don't know what I'd do without Rose, anymore than Jasper would do without Alice, or Carlisle without Esme. How you've survived for the past ten years is beyond me! Just how much longer do you think Bella can hold out, before she either finds a mate – or worse, _creates one._ Especially when the one person she's supposed to be with is standing right in front of her." He looked at me pointedly.

My muscles locked in place, as the impact of Emmett's words hit home…and hit hard. He was right. Bella was lonely. It was easy to see, even when she was with us. She never let her guard down completely, always looking a bit on edge or anxious. Not being able to read her mind, my brain raced with possibilities that I wasn't willing to look at until now.

Did she have feelings for John Riley? Or some other man that I wasn't familiar with? Did she find herself so lonely that she would create a companion, like Carlisle had done with me and then his beloved Esme, after finding her years later, so close to death? Granted, Carlisle waited almost three hundred years, but Bella had already lost so much. It wasn't inconceivable that she would attempt to find someone to share the rest of her existence with, someone to help ease the solitude and grief. I so wanted that person to be me, but I had no claim to her.

"And Edward?"

I looked back at Bella, as Emmett's words sunk deeper into my consciousness. "What?" I questioned, afraid of what he was about to say. His clarity this evening was unnerving.

His expression was shy, but determined. "Bella's been here for more than two years. How long before she has to leave and start over, just like we'll have to in a few years time? Do you expect her to just follow us around for the rest of her existence? You know that Bella's too proud for that. What will you do then?"

My idea of having ample time to win her back shriveled when faced with Emmett's surprising logic. He was right. I was running out of time and I had to do something – and quickly.

I looked up just in time to see John Riley hustle Bella away to the far side of the dance floor, away from prying eyes. He held her in an intimate embrace and my jealousy roared ferociously, as I tried, in vain, to extricate myself from Emmett's grasp.

I could hear John Riley's thoughts, and his conversation with Bella. _"I have to try. I need to tell her – no, I need to show her how I feel about her." _I could see the image in his head of him kissing her and my rage helped free me from Emmett's grasp, while I felt the glass I was holding shatter in my other hand, sending shards of broken glass to the floor, while the dark liquid ran down my fingers. I would put a stop to this now.

"Edward, don't hurt him. Stay here until you calm down," Emmett whispered to me, but I was off across the floor.

I moved as quickly as I dared, darting between the bodies locked together, dancing and enjoying their evening.

I heard John Riley's words, "Holding onto a moment, _Elizabeth_. I'm trying to hold onto you," while his thoughts finished his sentence…"_if you'll let me." _I could see Riley moving in, and although his back was to me, I'd seen that stance thousands of times.

Bella's eyes widened, and fear raced through my system. As he leaned in, about to kiss my Bella, I saw her turn her face away from him, as his mouth made contact with her cheek. I was relieved, but still furious.

This was my Bella. I _loved_ her and I should be the one _holding_ her…_kissing_ her. I could hear her give him a stern warning, though her eyes seemed tender. She was attempting to allow him his dignity, which didn't surprise me. She looked up and caught my eye, her heading jerking back, showcasing her confusion. I didn't slow my pace until I caught up with them, just in time to hear Riley apologize.

Without realizing it, I reached forward and took Bella's arm, instinctively pulling her close to my body, but much more roughly than I anticipated, which I immediately regretted, but my temper refused to simmer.

Even though the song I had chosen hadn't come yet, I would wait no longer. "_Elizabeth,_ I'll _claim_ that dance now."

John Riley decided to play the hero, stepping in front of me, before he had the gall to address me. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

_Did I just hear him correctly?_ This was my Bella. She _belongs_ with _me_. "Excuse me? What do you think _I'm_ doing?" I knew my voice was harsh, but I was beyond regaining any type of serenity until I removed Bella from the situation.

Bella stepped between the two of us, mumbling something that my mind couldn't comprehend, as my anger continued to navigate me through this mess.

Without thinking, I wrapped my arm around her slight shoulders, taking her hand in mine, before I steered her out to the middle of the dance floor. I couldn't put enough distance between us and _HIM_.

Instinctively, my hand slid down her arm, the lace of her dress creating a friction that brought me back to why I was here. My fingers found her delicate elbow, and I gently spun her toward my embrace. When Bella's slight hand found my shoulder, I reached for her other hand and instead of holding it politely, I fidgeted with it until my hand held hers the very same way it did all those nights ago – I just couldn't get enough contact with her milky skin.

My hand slid to her waist and a song that I had heard overplayed on radio stations and in the minds of people started to play. The words were familiar, and I started to sing along with them quietly, much like I did that day in the meadow. Without realizing it, my hand slid to the small of Bella's back, pulling her closer to me. Surprisingly, she didn't pull away; even more shocking, she cuddled closer to my chest, and I could feel the tension melt from my body.

I wanted this moment to go on forever and felt I could face anything with her by my side – endless years of high school, long nights, any crisis that might come along in the never-ending years ahead of my existence.

Not caring how it might appear or how much it was bound to hurt later, I let my guard down…_completely_. I wanted to bask in the feeling of holding her, to remember every nuance – her scent, the rise and fall of her chest, the feeling of her hand in mine. I placed her hand over my stilled heart, covering it with my own, as I continued to sing along with this silly love song.

The words began to register in my brain and I was surprised at the irony of the situation. This _wasn't_ the song I had intended to dance with her to – instead, this song talked of forgiveness and eternal love, something I wished and ardently prayed for with this beautiful woman in my arms; something I hoped for but had little faith in ever regaining.

My cheek rested against hers, her soft skin and beautiful scent calming every part of me. Her face slid from mine, coming to rest on my chest. Instead of feeling disappointed, I was relieved, when I felt every muscle in her body relax against me. To make the moment even better, she pushed herself flush against my body; now there was no space between us and I allowed myself a moment of fancy, thinking that she couldn't get close enough to me – that she wanted this moment to go on forever, just as I did.

Bella turned her head toward me until our eyes met. I still missed her dark pools of brown, but those topaz jewels called to me, reminding me that there could still be a second chance for us. It wasn't what I wanted for her, but it wasn't up to me anymore.

I had made a horrific mistake in leaving her, not consulting her in regards to _her_ wishes. I thought I knew better than everyone else and I had made everyone suffer with my self-righteous assumptions. Without taking my eyes from hers, I leaned my forehead against hers, knowing that I only had precious seconds left to this moment that I would remember as being perfect in my still heart, no matter what happened after this night. Even if I wasn't being honest with myself, this moment felt like the last ten years hadn't happened.

I leaned toward her, my heart ignoring my head and forcing my body to do something that it had yearned for since I left her all those years ago. Her movements echoed mine and I knew where this was going, though I tried to stop myself. The last thing I wanted was to make her uncomfortable, knowing that she no longer loved me.

She started to pull away from my embrace, but my hand instinctively tightened at the small of her back, refusing to let her go. "Bella, please," I breathed in a small whisper.

My lips met hers, the shock making me feel completely alive, jolting my cold, strong body to vibrant life. Knowing there was no turning back now, I moved forward, still moving gingerly, realizing that she would pull away in a matter of seconds, most likely slapping me for being so forward, but my heart wouldn't listen. I needed this. I needed to feel her against me, her lips moving with mine.

I deepened my kiss, increasing the pressure, my mouth open on hers, tasting her delicious scent on my tongue. Just as I feared, Bella started to pull back, and without my permission, my hand released hers, and I gripped the back of her head, my fingers lacing themselves through her hair, as I pulled her closer to me, not willing to let her go.

Those precious seconds went on and before I knew what was happening, Bella surprised me, just like she always had.

_She kissed me back_.

Her lips moved in tandem with mine, the soft edge becoming rougher, as if wanted this as much as I did.

My heart sang, though my mind was telling it to be cautious; that something could change in a moment's notice. She pressed herself against me, before I felt her fingers run up my arms, finding their way to my hair. She grabbed a handful with such intensity, an unspoken thought -- like we only had this one moment, though I started to hope that this was it – that she did love me and would give me that second chance that I didn't deserve but wanted more than anything else.

We'd stopped dancing, and I fought to block out the thoughts of those around me. Especially my family, who by now had noticed what was happening; their thoughts were happy and joyous – I pushed them from my consciousness, wanting to be alone with Bella completely, regardless of the hundreds of people surrounding us.

If this was real, there would be plenty of time for celebration later. I wanted only to focus on her – _on us._

For the first time since that horrendous day behind Charlie's house, days after that terrible party, I felt complete again. I hadn't just left Bella behind that day…I had left my heart with her. Even after feeling like a partial being for so many years, I found completeness with Bella -- only to have my stupid decision tear us apart. I finally felt like I had come full circle.

I finally felt _whole_.

I continued to kiss her and smiled internally when I heard Debussy's Claire de Lune begin to play, the piano-only piece that I had listened to with Bella that first day in the Volvo. I couldn't wait to spend time with her listening to this piece of music again, holding her in my arms and telling her how much I loved her. This was the piece of music I had planned on using when my chance to dance her with her came, hoping to stir those memories from our past.

The crowd in the ballroom started to still and my heart began to lock up. I could feel Bella stiffen, her lips starting to pull from me. _No._ It was my imagination playing tricks on me. I had kissed my Bella and she had kissed me _back_. This was our new beginning and I wasn't willing to see it as anything else. This perfect moment wouldn't be ruined by my overactive imagination.

But then, I felt Bella's hands release my hair, as her palm found its way to my chest. I locked my gaze on her, waiting for her next movement, believing that she just needed a moment. I would whisk her away and we could talk and I could beg her to forgive me…we would start again and everything would be just as it should have been. I would have her with me and eventually, I would ask her to be my wife. I would care for and protect her, never letting my stupidity come between us again.

The force of her hand pressing against my chest increased, her strength a constant surprise to me. I still had difficulty remembering that she was a vampire now, and that her physical power was close in strength to mine. Suddenly, it was more than strength. I felt a force moving me away from her, realizing it was her gift, what Bella had been "blessed" with when she entered this new life. My heart screamed when she added to the distance between us, while I willed my face to remain calm, not knowing if I was successful.

She started to step away from me, and I reached out for her, to assure the both of us that I was here and nothing would separate us again. She turned on her heel, just out of my arm's length, before I noticed that her eyes filled with fear and immense sadness, as if there was a battle raging in her head. I just hoped that _we _would win, no matter what her head was saying to her ravaged heart.

She turned completely from me, and the crowd parted. She ran, her delicate high heels making a hasty retreat from me, balancing on the balls of her feet, as she headed for the closest exit. Even though there were dozens of other couples surrounding us, all I could see was her form getting smaller as she continued to put distance between us, before she disappeared completely, running out a side exit, the door shutting with a heavy click.

I could hear the mental hum of my family members, mostly expressing their sorrow for me, but one voice was screaming at me. The one voice above the others broke through, her strong, clear tone rousing me from my bemused state.

Esme's voice called me to attention, telling me what I needed to do. _"Edward, run – find her. Don't let her go -- not this time. Go to her, now!"_

Listening to my mother, I didn't hesitate. I headed for the exit, running faster than I normally would – when I found her, I would tell Bella everything…_After that kiss, I wasn't going to let her go._


	44. Chapter 43: Showdown

Showdown Chapter

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Quotes from New Moon, pages 69-72 belong exclusively to Stephenie Meyer._

_Author's Note: Even though she won't admit it, a very special thank you to **grumpy grizzly** that co-authored this chapter. Sometimes it's so difficult to get what's on your head down on the paper – she helped me do just that! _

_Thanks to my beta, **heartbroken1 **and **Mandi1**, who help me so much every week._

_Also, I forgot to mention a very special thank you to my husband. He helped me "research" the dance and kiss from the last two chapters, so I could write every movement, every nuance – every feeling. We "researched" lots and lots of times! Thanks sweetie!_

_One last thing…I've been nominated for a Denali Coven Fan fiction award in the category of __**The Danger Magnet Award – Best Bella Fic**__.__ I'm truly honored and if you're feeling I'm worthy, please cast a vote for me on their site. You can check out all the categories at the following address (voting starts May 15__th__!):_

_thedenalicoven./index.cgi?boardawards_

_A special thank you to whomever nominated me – I'm humbled by the nod! Many of my friends, including my beta, **heartbroken1**, and my own personal Alice, **Mandi1** have been nominated. Please cast a vote for all these talented ladies! Thank you – rant done!_

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 43: Showdown

I ran from Edward's tender embrace, the excruciating pain inside about to rip me in two. Caring not where I was going, but hell bent on escape, I unsuccessfully tried to clear my mind by focusing on putting distance between myself and everyone else. I avoided the front of the building, where the taxis waited for intoxicated guests of this event that had suddenly gone so terribly wrong. I knew that as soon as I was out of human eyesight, I could run faster without drawing unwanted attention to myself. I headed for the thick forest that surrounded the campus – hoping that my familiarity with the area would work to my advantage.

The peep-toe pumps that Alice had carefully selected for me were slowing me down. I hopped on one foot, removing the right shoe and then the left. I gathered them into my hands, pushing my legs to move faster. The only sounds my ears registered were the barely crackling leaves beneath my feet and the soft rustling of the taffeta of my dress. I pressed on increasing in speed trying to escape him.

Though I couldn't truly feel it, the night was cold and windy, and the darkness was upon me. The only light in the sky was a fat, waxy moon, illuminating my way through the woods though my eyes barely needed the help. I had been through this part of the forest before and knew the direction to get back to the house.

I was hoping to outrun him, find my way back to my place and lock myself in before he could find me. Not that a simple lock would keep him out if he were determined to find me. I was remembering how I used to leave the windows unlocked for him back in Forks, when I suddenly heard the almost indiscernible sound of his feet barely making contact with the earthen floor.

My mind could see the wind whipping through his bronze colored hair and my fingers tingled with the memory of having touched it mere minutes ago. My mind flashed back to the first time that he ran with me on his back – even as frightened as I was, I could feel his hair on my cheek, the softness of it making me want to reach out and touch it.

Thoughts drifted into my mind, unbidden -- to the first time he kissed me by my old truck, something I had wished for since the day I first laid eyes on him in the Forks High cafeteria. My eyes began to sting with those damn unshedable tears.

Why had he kissed me? Why now? Why tonight? Why had he sung so quietly in my ear, the words so tender, so sincere that he made me believe, if only for a moment, that he still loved me? Why after all this time would he hurt me again? Was this all just a game to him? I was so confused that my pace began to slow, as my focus turned to organizing the mangle of thoughts racing through my mind, though the revelations that were beginning to form were impossible to believe.

I felt my sadness, confusion and the beginning of rage starting to build and that unseen shield, my "gift" as Carlisle called it, started to build in strength. I found the switch in my mind and tried to level it off, knowing that my emotions were spilling over and taking hold. I thought back to when I destroyed Victoria and even as angry as I was, I didn't want to hurt him. There had already been enough pain – _for so many lifetimes_...

I ran harder, pushing my legs until they could go no faster, but I could hear him gaining on me like a man possessed. I remembered how fast he had run with me to escape James that horrible night. By now, we were deep in the thick, ancient trees that surrounded the campus.

"Bella, wait. Please stop," he called, his beautiful voice pleading with me to listen.

Without my permission, my heart halted my body, the movement so quick that I almost toppled forward. My eyes fluttered shut, knowing that what was coming had the potential to become catastrophic, ripping my existence apart again. But I also knew it was inevitable, and that my running would only delay the awful conversation that I knew was coming...as early as that first fateful night in the registration hall.

I heard him stop behind me. I could feel my hair moving from his cool breath. He was so close. I could feel him reach for my shoulders as my hands formed into fists, mangling the shoes that I held, as I heard the leather soles bend and then crack, snapping them in two. They were ruined now. Again, I fought to crank my emotions down to a manageable level. I was so torn between the longing to be in his arms and the anger I felt at him.

"Bella, please look at me. Please don't run. We have to talk," Edward said softly, his voice strong but with a distinct edge of begging.

I turned to look at him and he dropped his hands to his sides. He was still the same – he looked just as beautiful as he always had, every single time I had seen him. He hadn't ever changed, not one bit and dressed in his expensive suit, that inhuman beauty was magnified. My hands, my arms ached to hold him again, but my rational brain clamped down on my ardent heart, trying to protect itself from being destroyed again.

I knew that I had been lucky to survive heartbreak twice – I knew I couldn't survive it a third time and that was where I was headed. He grabbed one of my hands in his but I wrenched it away.

"What was that back there? What are you trying to do to me?" I cried out in anguish, my heart afraid of what he would say, knowing that any answer could hurt at this point.

He tenderly brushed a lock of hair behind my ear. "Bella, I need to explain some things to you. I need you to listen, even if you don't feel the same way as I do -- I need to make sure that you understand how I feel about you."

I knew where this was going. He was regretting the whole "being friends" thing and that hole in my chest began to throb. It almost felt as if my heart had started again so it could be shattered…again. I couldn't believe that I had been such a fool to assume that this would work.

_Now I would lose them all. _

I couldn't continue to be in the Cullens' life when Edward didn't want me around. I never should have continued to visit them week after week. Going back to my solitary life was going to be torturous. I took a step backwards away from him.

"I know how you feel about me, Edward. I've known for a long time. I was just hoping that things could be different, but I'm sorry I assumed too much -- hoped too much. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable."

He looked at me, the patience in his expression melting away, giving way to an exasperated look. "Bella, I'm beginning to think that you have no idea how I _really_ feel about you, and I'm not walking away this time. I need you to hear me out." He said firmly closing the distance between us.

_Is he kidding?_ Now I have to stand here, humiliated, and have him tell me – again – that he doesn't love me. "Edward, I don't need to hear _it_ again. Things haven't changed. I know that."

He took another step toward me, and I responded by taking one back. I had no idea where this was going, but I knew it couldn't be good. Yet, he was persistent. He stepped toward me and took my hand in his again. "Bella, you're right. Things haven't changed, not for me at least. But I _need_ to reassure myself that you understand exactly what I'm talking about."

My whole body locked in place as my heart braced for impact, my free arm wrapping itself around my torso defensively. To hear him say it _again_…it was too much to bear. "Please, Edward…_don't."_ My head dropped, as my eyes closed tightly shut.

His hands dropped to his sides. "Bella, I need you to hear it. I need to see your face when I say it. I need to lay it out there for you…_for us_. I have to say this before I go out of my mind. Bella love, please look at me." His voice had become strong and forceful and my eyes opened as I finally realized something. He called me…_love?_ Why would he do that? My heart began to hope. Whatever I had been planning to say was gone from my conscious thoughts, as the impact of what he called me came to the surface. _Had I heard him correctly?_ I raised my eyes slowly, unsure of what I would see.

Edward hadn't moved from his spot, but his eyes were full of tenderness. They were the deep, rich gold I had always loved. He was looking at me like he did that day in the meadow, but it just wasn't possible. His shoulders were tense, as if he was having difficulty standing still, as his hands clenched and unclenched, over and over. I fought internally to resist grabbing them and stilling them with my own. My heart and head were being torn in two. I was impossibly confused by this point.

My mind seemed to only recognize one word. What had he just called me? _Love?_ He used to call me that back in Forks, but why was he using that term of affection now? "Why did you call me that?" I asked, realizing how difficult it was for me to form the words, my voice barely louder than a whisper, that hope growing by the minute.

He looked at me as if he couldn't understand my question. His eyes were searching mine trying to understand my confusion. His usually smooth forehead creased, his brows furrowed and he spoke almost reverently, "I don't understand, Bella. Why did I call you what?"

I couldn't help it. I rolled my eyes in frustration, letting out the giant breath I had been holding as a sigh. "You called me…" I inhaled sharply again, not sure I could actually say the word aloud,"…_love_. Why?"

Edward took another step toward me, but I took another one back, lifting my hands in front of myself protectively. He froze in place fighting the unseen force that was involuntarily rising from me and trying to push him backwards. "Bella, I called you that because that's what you are to me. I l-"

"_NO_! Don't you dare that that word to me! Now now, not after all this time," I screamed at him, as my body started to tremble with more emotions than I could sort. He flew back a few feet in surprise. My unbeating heart nearly stopped, when I realized that my "gift" was active, and I fought desperately to get it under control.

His fingers started to run through his hair, his thick tresses become messier and tangled. The unique bronze color, shimmering in the moonlight glimmered and magnified his beauty even more. _This_ was the Edward I remembered in Forks -- the seventeen year-old body, with the soul of someone so much older. I momentarily wished it were my fingers doing that very same thing, until I shook my head, determined to stay in the moment, while I waited for an explanation. I could feel the rage overtaking the hope within me and suddenly he took a few steps back until he was leaning against a tree.

"Why?" It was the only thing that came to mind and the most that my mouth could utter, as I tried to keep the panic and fear at a manageable level.

He looked at me so tenderly, firmly taking a step toward me. "Why what, Bella?"

"Why? Why did you kiss me?" I sobbed in desperate pleading, though my heart feared that it already knew the answer, impossible as it was to believe.

"_Why_?" The tone of his voice was part confusion, part exasperation. "Bella love, I've wanted to kiss you since that first day when we found you again. It's killed me to wait this long." He hesitantly moved closer to me again.

"Edward," I cautioned, though my voice sounded more like a whimper than a warning.

The look on his face was undeniable now. He looked like a driven man who intended to get what he wanted. He took in a deep breath, "Bella, I love you. I've never stopped loving you." He continued moving towards me but slowly as if every step required superhuman effort.

I shook my head violently, as my head processed what he was saying, but my heart refused to take note of it. He never loved me. I'd learned the hard way that it wasn't possible for me to hold onto any man's love, especially Edward's. _No...I can't listen to him. He's lying to me._ My emotions were out of control, and I saw him lose ground and fly backwards a few feet.

My mouth quickly followed my mind's angry lead. "You're lying. Why would you lie to me, especially about this? Why are you intentionally trying to hurt me again?" I could feel the tremors coming, but I was resolved to calm my mind, afraid of what might come if I couldn't get my emotions back in check.

"Bella, I'm not lying to you. Not now and not about this," he replied with absolute determination written all over his face.

My furious heart only caught the words _"not now"_. "But you've lied to me before, is that what you're telling me?" I challenged, my voice uncharacteristically hard, as I desperately tried to steer the conversation toward something that would finally make some sense. My fury was barely contained and I noticed him move backwards again.

"Only once, Bella, and it was to protect you."

_Excuse me?_ "Protect me? Protect me from what? Look at me Edward! Do I look like I need protection?" My mouth seemed to be working of its own accord, my heart finally unleashing all the pain I had held in for over a decade...left there to fester and multiply.

He looked at me with an expression of sadness that I couldn't understand and his eyes were impossible to decipher. "Protect you from everything that I brought into your life. Protect you from me, my family, the danger that you were in every single second you were with me. I loved you too much to see you get hurt anymore, even if it cost me."

_Cost him?_ I ignored the love part for now, not willing to even consider the possibility. "Cost you?" My voice was thick with disbelief. "Cost you what? Do you have any idea, any concept, any small clue what I've lost? Do you ever think of anyone but yourself?"

He was flung back into the tree again as I stood erect and defiant with my chin out and my eyes blazing with every ounce of fury that I possessed. His eyes filled with pain – finally an emotion that I recognized. "Bella, I left Forks for you. Maybe it doesn't make any sense, but I did all of this for you," he said his eyes now blazing as furiously as mine. Obviously he was desperate to explain his reasoning to me.

I shook my head, his words not making any sense to me. _Left for me?_ "That makes no sense, Edward. But then again, you never did make much sense – at least not to me. None of this is making any sense." My voice continued to lower in volume, until I was almost whispering.

"Bella, please listen to me. We can talk about this and figure it out together." My head slumped to my chest as I heard him move closer to me again. "I can't lose you now. I've lived without your warmth, your heart, and your love for 10 years. I need to say some things to you, things I didn't get to say that night we talked." He was close enough to put his hands on my shoulders again, while one found its way to my cheek, his thumb lightly caressing my skin. My heart won out for a moment as I relished his touch, as I leaned into his caress. "We can take this as slowly as you need, but _please_ give us another chance."

My mind was a muddle of thoughts and coherent reasoning at this point was beyond my reach. "Edward, I'm not sure what you're talking about. I thought I knew what you came to tell me that night at the house. We even agreed to be friends. I know it's not easy, but I'm extremely grateful that you're willing to try." He pulled me to his chest to hug me close to him, but my stiff resistance made him let go. He took a step back.

Edward's eyes narrowed, before he slowly shook his head. "Bella, I don't want to be your friend. I…"

I cut him off, as my panic increased, while my heart started to recognize something faint -- a feeling that I couldn't quite put my finger on, but something altogether familiar. My mouth continued to work of its own volition. "_I knew it._ I knew you were just trying to be kind to me for the sake of your family. Esme said something to you, didn't she? Or was it Alice? Look Edward, if you don't want to be friends, we don't have to pretend. It can't be comfortable for you. I know at times, it's _definitely_ not easy for me," I explained, my words running together.

Edward closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath, before he reached up and characteristically began to pinch the bridge of his noise. He'd done this so many times back in Forks and images came rushing back to me uninvited. The hole in my chest was expanding, as thoughts that I had locked away years ago came bursting forth, like a broken dam during flooding season. Suddenly, Edward's back hit the tree again with a loud crack.

"Bella." His breath came out in one long rush as he spoke my name, full of impatience. "What I mean to say," he began sternly as he peeled himself off the trunk of the tree, "is what I want from you is so much more than friendship. Alice can have your friendship, be your sister. Rosalie as well. The whole family…" he trailed off as each step brought him closer to me again. He lips pursed before he continued. "I want more than that from you. _Infinitely_ _more_." He was reaching for me again, but I backed away.

_What the hell is he talking about? _"Edward, if you don't want to be my friend, what exactly are you trying to say?" My heart began to hope, but my head wasn't about to listen, knowing that it was trying to protect me. It was an internal struggle that was impossible to rectify.

He grabbed my by my shoulders and said loudly, "Bella, I love you. I've never stopped loving you. I'm going to keep saying it until you hear me." His eyes were blazing in their intensity as they probed mine for a response to his declaration.

Confusion was invading every part of my mind. If he never stopped loving me why did he ever leave? My mouth formed those words before my conscious mind stopped to even think about it. "If you really love me or loved me, how could you leave me? Why did you go?" He dropped his hands from my shoulders as if he had been burned.

Edward linked his hands behind his back and he started to pace in front of me, glancing up continually, his look impossible to interpret. His lips started to form whatever was on his mind, but nothing came out. Finally, he took in a deep breath, closing his eyes before halting his step. He turned to look at me, releasing that breath, his eyes now a molten gold, fixed entirely on me. "I _never_ should have left you. I should have been honest with you about everything, but I thought that this was best for you. I thought what I was doing was wrong. That every minute I was with you put you in danger."

"Edward, you've already said that -- you're not answering my question," I said through clenched teeth. The tightness in my jaw did nothing to help with my frustration that was beginning to permeate my entire being, helping that invisible wall strengthen. I took several breaths, attempting to calm myself, and knowing that if I couldn't, I might hurt him, which would hurt me even more. I shook my hands in the air, trying to work some of the frustration out of my body.

"Bella, I left because I didn't want this life for you. I loved you enough that I wanted you to have a normal, human life. A life that I couldn't give you. One that didn't include the danger that I was constantly putting you in."

I had never felt such exasperation before. "Edward, what are you talking about?"

"Bella, please let me finish. There are so many things that I _have_ to tell you, before I lose you forever. I can't go through that again."

"Go ahead. I'm listening," I spat out. My rational head was telling my broken heart to run, before it was too late.

"When I left you, I did it so you could have a happy, human life – one that I couldn't give you. And you did – you got married, you had a beautiful baby girl and everything was as it should be. I had no idea that Victoria would find you in Forks. I looked for her -- I promise you, I did."

My confusion turned to shock. "_YOU_ _DID_ _WHAT_? What were you thinking?" I was shouting now. He flew back several feet as I advanced on him, but then he held his ground.

"I tried to find her, but I was terrible at tracking. But I wouldn't give up. I had to keep you safe. When we found you again, and I realized what you had become, I was devastated that I had failed you."

Part of my heart – the part that was still desperately in love with him -- was ordering me to go to him, to tell him that none of this was his fault. But the broken part, the part that had been bleeding for more than a decade was angry – no…it was _livid_. "_You left_," I spat out, "I had Jacob to protect me. I was fine for seven years. I didn't need you to look after me. Why would you even have cared after what you said to me?"

His face grew hard, his lips forming a tight line. Any tenderness he had left his expression. "I was supposed to leave you to the mercy of rogue vampires and unstable two-timing werewolves? And then what, Bella? I'm not supposed to care that he left you to be massacred! He didn't take care of you. He fell in love with another woman and left you to lose everything." He was roaring at me and advancing toward me with a stubborn yet determined look.

What was a conversation of fact finding became a conscious need to defend Jacob – _my Jacob. _"How dare you! You don't even know him! He put me back together after you left, after I fell completely apart. I may have glossed over the details that first night, Edward, but when you left, I almost didn't make it. I was destroyed when you left. I completely fell apart."

"Jacob was patient and kind and he was _there_ for me. We fell in love and we had a family…" I paused, taking in a giant breath, trying to keep the sobs at bay, "…for a while. He couldn't help it that he imprinted. That wasn't his fault. But you left me…_you left!_ And why? Because you got bored? Because I was too difficult to handle? Because you got tired of taking care of me?"

"I _left_ to keep you safe. And then I did everything I could to continue to keep you out of harm's way!" He yelled back.

I was indignant now. "I know that I was just a distraction for you. I won't be that for you again!" I shrieked.

He stopped in his tracks, his face incredulous, as he calmly shook his head while he looked at me. "What are you talking about?" His voice had returned to a quiet velvet tone.

I took a step toward him, my anger making me see red and knowing that there was no way that I could hold back. "I remember _everything_ you said to me that day in the forest."

"_But my kind…we're very easily distracted." _I reminded him with a sneer. He was pushed backwards with force by each step I advanced.

"Bella, I never meant that _you_ were a distraction. I never once meant it like that. I had to be cruel, so that you would eventually get over me and have that life that I desperately wanted for you, though it killed me to do it. If I could give you your old life back, I would. _This_ was not how your life was meant to be. This isn't how _any_ of our lives were supposed to be."

I was about to unleash something that I knew might end this forever, but I couldn't stop myself. All the questions, thoughts and misgivings came to the surface, and they refused to be quieted. I hadn't been honest with myself about one thing and I was about to confront him with it…_right now_. "You also promised me that I would never see you or your family ever again, or don't you remember that? Just another reason why I don't believe in promises. _No one_ ever keeps them. They just don't exist. _It will be as if I never existed." _I nearly spit his own words back in his face.

"Bella, I only told you that to assure you that we wouldn't bother you again, that we wouldn't come back and upset your world all over again. I didn't want you pining away in hope that I would change my mind. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but I was certain that, in time, you would forget all about me. That you would be like every other human teenage girl that I had come across in all my years on this earth, and would move forward without me. How did I have any idea that we would run into you again? Please don't misunderstand me – I've never been so grateful that my family dragged me out than I was that night when we found you at the university. I…"

_Dragged?_ I dismissed his choice of words and continued my onslaught. "_Every other teenage girl?_ I loved you! I was willing to give up everything to be with you and what did you do? You threw it away. And now I'm supposed to what? Just swoon because the great Edward Cullen _decides_ that _he's _ready for another shot at this? What is this, anyway?"

Edward's shoulders slumped and my heart, that huge part that loved him still, _no matter_ what he had done, was raging a battle with the rest of me. I had two choices. One, I could just forgive him and run to him, and take hold of what I wanted, even knowing that it could all end tomorrow. The other part, the more_ rational_ party, told me to let him have it and walk away. That nothing good could come from being with Edward Cullen. Even after falling in love with Jacob, there was the occasional reminder of him that would send me into a tailspin, showing me that my poor heart never really recovered from the pain.

"Bella, I want to be with you. I want to make up the last ten years to you. I want to love and protect you and never, ever let you go. What do I have to do to make that happen? What can I do to show you how much I love you?" He had moved very near while my mind had tried to make sense of his words. His voice was now low in my ear and he was so close. He wrapped his arms around me and my heart let my body melt into him momentarily. I sighed as I tried to fight the pain and the hope and the despair and the joy of him next to me.

Before my heart could betray me further, my head jumped the line and what came out sounded completely foreign and unlike anything that had ever entered my conscious mind before. "This is all your fault."

He stopped in place, like a block of ice. He released me and stared at me. "What?" I could barely hear him.

"If you had just left me alone, if you had just kept your distance," I remembered him repeatedly telling me that he wasn't a good friend for me, "if you hadn't been so damn selfish, which you yourself admitted to, none of this would have happened."

"Maybe James would have found me in Forks," he winced, but I ignored it, and continued with my destruction of him, "but at least I wouldn't be in the mess I was in now."

"Even with Jacob and his imprint, I would still have my baby. Grace and I would be together right now. She and I would be getting ready for Halloween, finding her a costume, and planning on what she would say at every house she trick or treated at."

I was sobbing now, and couldn't contain the heaving that took my entire body prisoner. "We could bake cookies and I could rock her to sleep every night. I could see her grow up, and be there everyday."

"But instead, I get to receive a daily email that shows me a picture of her. A flat, one-dimensional image of my Grace, which is what _I_ am now. Flat with no real existence, so it's really appropriate considering what I am to _her_ now. _Nothing._ Thank you very much, Edward Cullen. Your plan for my happy, human life worked out just great, now didn't it?" The volume of my voice was deafening, but Edward never moved an inch.

I took a deep breath, feeling exhausted after my emotional rant. My heavy chest finally relieved after so many years of harboring the pain, and then my heart realized the impact of what I'd said. Edward slumped to the ground on his knees, his palms supporting his weight, while his head hung low.

I instantly regretted what I'd shouted at him, but my pride wouldn't let me take one word of it back. Even if it killed me to see him in so much pain, I had waited so long to get that off my chest. I hadn't the luxury of sharing any of this with Jacob or anyone else, and he needed to know how much damage he'd caused when he left.

He didn't look up, but spoke to me, his usual soft, velvet voice, broken and jagged as he formed each word. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought you could forget about me, but I _knew_ that I would never forget you. I love you so much."

He got to his feet when I noticed his expression change from sadness to realization, but of what I couldn't be sure. "You kissed me back. You must feel something for me, Bella. I wasn't imagining all that back there." His voice was full of defiance, and he looked straight at me, as if daring me to dispute his claim. But then his eyes softened, like a small child. "_You have to feel something for me. You kissed me back."_

"No, I didn't," I lied, my voice betraying me, as I started to sob, my hands rubbing my eyes, before they ran through my hair, the beautiful work Rosalie and Alice had made of it ruined by the intrusion.

Edward's eyes softened even more, and his voice followed suit. "Yes, you did. I felt it and it was the most wonderful thing I've experienced since I made the worst decision of my life -- since I left you. Please look at me, Bella."

I couldn't lift my head and instead felt his finger beneath my chin, lifting my face to look at his. "I. Love. You." Edward said each word slowly, his tone and eyes giving them importance and meaning. "Why won't you believe me?"

I shook my head, as the battle raging inside continued. "If you loved me as much as you claim, you would have never left in the first place. Or at the very least, you would have come back and told me that you loved me. You would have proven it to me, but you didn't." My voice was so dull and quiet, I wouldn't have been surprised if he hadn't heard me.

He glanced up at me, his mouth twitching, as if he was looking for just the right word to say, and then he stood, looking at me directly. "You're right, Bella. I did leave." He paused and I thought he was finished but then he added, "But I'm here now. I have to ask you -- where do we go from here? I love you and in my heart, I feel we belong together." He took my face in both of his hands and caressed it gently. My heart longed for another kiss from him.

But without my permission, my head rushed ahead of my heart. "No where. This can't work – not now, not ever. Even if I could believe you, I know that you'll just leave when it gets too hard or you realize you made another mistake. I can't deal with that again. My heart may no longer beat, but it _cannot_ take being broken again."

Edward looked at me for what seemed like an eternity, taking in every line of my face, his eyes full of sadness, and then finally, resignation, before he dropped his hands from my face, and nodded his head once. "I know you no longer believe in promises, Bella, But there is one last thing that you need to know."

I internally vowed to myself that I wouldn't break down in front of him again. My pride wouldn't let me, even if my heart was breaking all over again. "What's that?" I managed to utter.

"I will _never_ stop loving with you. Even if I live forever, you will be the _only_ woman that I have ever loved. That will never falter. I will not force myself on you but if you ever change your mind, if you ever find that you need me for whatever reason, I will be there in a moment's notice. I'll always be right here for you."

And with that, he took one last longing look, and then his molten gold eyes turned icy and hard and devoid of any emotion. His face was tight and it looked like he was about to take a step toward me, before he turned abruptly on his heel and walked away, slowly. I followed his form until he disappeared.

Once I was sure he was gone, I fell to the floor of the forest, the mud and bracken ruining my beautiful dress. I sat there for what seemed like hours, wishing that my body would simply pick itself up and carry me back to the house. Every word that I had spoken, every word he had said in return, rattled about in my head, until the voices were shouting. I rubbed my temples, hoping to ease the ache, but really knowing that the pain was coming from my heart.

I finally picked myself up and began to run, pushing myself to clear the forest quickly and was relieved to see the porch light of the house, it's bright light welcoming me, while it taunted me with the reminder that it would be the only thing in my life now. I had lost Edward tonight and the rest of the Cullens wouldn't be too far behind.

I lumbered up the steps of the porch, breaking the lock, when I realized that I didn't have my keys. I shut the door and walked inside, the dark rooms a perfect image for my life. This is what I had to look forward to…_forever._ I would need to adjust to the loneliness and heartache again, and there was no time like the present.

I slid to the floor in my living room, the soft rug a welcome reprieve from the hardwood floors. I curled in toward myself and began to rock back and forth, letting the pain claim me. There was no turning back now. I was alone now and would be forever.

I couldn't stop the memories or the voices from flooding back as I sat in the dark in my eternal loneliness. Edward's image came barging to the front of my mind. Edward's voice and everything he had said to me echoed in my thoughts. _He'd wanted me to have a human life?_ True, I had had that very life he'd spoken of with Jacob. As each word registered in my brain, still images came to mind. Of Jacob, of our little home on the reservation, of my Grace. A violent sob wracked my body, while I continued to contemplate my life for the past decade.

Jacob was lost to me. After his imprint, it was only fitting to let him go. He wasn't complete with me, and he deserved to be happy, especially after everything he had done to keep me safe – everything that he had to give up when his tribal legend was forced upon him, for carrying the werewolf gene. Jacob's bloodline was strong – in retrospect, he'd _never_ had a chance. In my mind, his imprint was his reward for all the sacrifices he'd made.

I had no home now, simply a house where I fought my way through the long days and nights, waiting to return to work, hoping for some relief from the loneliness. True, I found some quiet here and was able to just be _Bella_. But if I was really being honest with myself, Bella didn't exist anymore. To everyone but the pack, she was dead. Victoria had made sure of that, driving my truck off the cliffs near First Beach. She had planned that well.

My heart filled only with pain, I felt _dead_.

And _cold_.

And completely_ alone_.

And Grace…my family… This was the worst part. I knew getting over Jacob would be painful when we separated and ultimately divorced. But having Grace cushioned the blow. Having her was the ultimate blessing in my life. She was the most perfect creature in my existence and to have her ripped from my life, from my arms, but to have her firmly planted in my heart with absolutely no way to be part of her life was, at times, completely unbearable. But I had to stay away. She _couldn't_ have a normal human life, not with a mother like me.

_All gone._

My eyes were filled to the brim with those tears that could never fall, and my frustration grew, as I wondered in vain how it would feel to have a good cry, to unleash all the emotions that were always inside, usually kept in check, but still ever-present.

I didn't bother to keep my emotions controlled this time. I could feel the force of my shield all around, creating an invisible cocoon around me. It must have encompassed the entire house by now. Edward's beautiful voice, the voice that excited and calmed me, the voice that I wished to hear, even after he left, so much so that I purposely put myself in danger, called to me in my mind, bringing back images from our fight.

"_Bella, I'm so sorry…"_

_Wow_…everyone is always so sorry, I thought as I choked back more blubbering, as I could hear the sarcasm while I spoke to myself aloud. "Edward, Jacob, even Alice…but what is everyone really sorry for? Sorry that I'm hurting? Sorry that everyone else gets to have the life they want, while I sit here in misery?"

I chuckled sadly to myself, while the hysteria began to take hold.

My mind flashed back to that day, when I was only a few days past my eighteenth birthday, bringing back that pain and horrible memory even more distinctly than I had ever remembered it since my change. The darkness of night brought back the loneliness that started to invade my heart when he told me something that I knew was coming all along more than ten years ago. Victoria had been right about one thing -- someone as plain as me could never hold someone like him. I hadn't been enough…not for him. _Not for anyone_. The self-pity once started could not be stemmed and all the stabbing words from back then returned to reopen my wounds.

"_You…don't…want…me?" _

"_No."_

And yet, I couldn't forget what he said to me just hours ago.

"_Bella, I love you. I've never stopped loving you. I'm going to keep saying it until you hear me." _

I _had_ heard him, and although my heart believed him without question, my head stood in the way, frantic to protect me.

I shook my head from side to side, as my head tried in vain to process two very real voices. Both belonged to Edward and they were a complete contradiction to the other.

One was telling me that he lied, that he loved me, that he only did what he had that terrible day in the forest to protect me. The other remembered the cruel way he spoke to me, the stone expression on his face and the way that he ran from me, leaving me alone in the thick cover of trees behind Charlie's home.

I could feel real pain, deep in my chest, as that hole, the one that Jacob helped to patch but had never healed, tore wide open. My hands flew to my chest, certain that I would discover my insides exposed, but only felt the delicate lace of my tattered dress instead.

I never knew something could feel this horrific. As little as I could remember of giving birth to Grace, or of the painful three days that I spent alone in my classroom back in Forks as the venom raced through my system changing me into some soulless, immortal creature, this pain was immeasurably worse. This throbbing was all-consuming and crippled me both physically and emotionally.

I wasn't able to tell the difference between the past and the present, as each word he spoke now and those horrendous things he said to me all those years ago rattled about in my brain, one in complete contradiction to the other. The only thing that compared was losing my baby – my little Grace.

And so I sat through the darkest night of my existence…letting myself finally be consumed in the misery that no one could save me from.

_I was truly alone._


	45. Chapter 44: Confrontations

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this par

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: A very special thank you to grumpy grizzly, who helped me find Edward's voice…as well as lots of other things!_

_Also, to heartbroken1, who turned this back around so quickly!_

_Also, voting has begun at The Denali Coven…if you're feeling generous, and that I'm worthy, cast a ballot for me!_

_h t t p (colon) (backslash) (backslash) thedenalicoven (dot) tripod (dot) com (backslash) id17 (dot) html_

_I'll also TRY to post the link on my homepage!_

_Thanks and enjoy!_

Chapter 44: Confrontations

Bella's POV

The rest of the weekend drifted by in a hazy blur of turbulent emotion, my mind unable to focus on anything other than the mess that had unfolded on Saturday night. The seconds melted into minutes, the minutes into hours and the hours into days, until Monday rolled around and I went back to my routine, numb and thankful for the distraction. Numbness was my new friend who I welcomed wholeheartedly.

The day came and went, and how I got through it, I truly had no idea as I walked around in a daze. Tuesday morning rolled around, the weather forecast taunting me with sunshine so I left for the school while it was still dark. I pulled into what should have been an empty parking lot long before sunrise, only to find another car there – a car I immediately recognized as Alice's Escalade.

I sighed, knowing what was coming, but not wanting to deal with the situation so soon. I parked far from her, away from my usual spot, while I quickly gathered my things, hoping for a hasty exit from her interrogation.

She was out of her car in a flash, and I could hear her steps rapidly clicking behind me. "Bella, wait. I need to talk to you," she said insistently.

I kept walking, pretending I couldn't hear her, though she knew that I hadn't missed a syllable. She hurried even quicker, both of us knowing that we were the only two creatures for miles, before I felt her hand grab mine, jerking me firmly toward her. "Alice, don't," I hissed.

I used my keys to enter the front door, keying my code into the security system, but before I could shut the door, I thought better of it. I remembered how she'd had fun fabricating evidence in Phoenix when James attacked me, and knew that she might act recklessly and break the thick glass. I opened the door wider, motioning her inside.

We walked in silence to my classroom, where I set my things down and motioned to her to have a seat in one of the student's chairs. With her tiny body, she almost seemed to fit the diminutive size, while her perfect fingers drummed along the desktop impatiently.

I turned to face her, not knowing exactly how to start this, but knowing there was no escape. The sun would be up soon and Alice needed to say what was on her mind or face being trapped here until the cloud cover rolled back in.

_How on earth would I explain that? _"Alright; I'm ready. Let me have it," I sighed with resignation.

A fleeting look of hurt flashed through her eyes. "What happened? You and Edward were kissing at the reception, and things looked so perfect for the both of you and then what? He didn't come home until Sunday night, and he hasn't spoken a word to anyone. Not one single word, Bella. But from the look on his face, things didn't go well. What did you two talk about? What did you decide? I know that the only thing that Jasper can sense from him is immense sadness." Her eyes looked frantic, racing between fear and impatience.

My dead, broken heart was sliced in more pieces knowing that he was suffering, but also knowing that it didn't matter at this point. "Alice, if you want to know, ask him," I replied flatly.

"I _have _asked him, Bella. He won't talk, or aren't you listening to me?" she hotly retorted. "What did he say to you?"

I looked at her despondently. "It doesn't matter what he said to me, Alice."

"Yes, it does, Bella. He told you he loves you, didn't he?" She looked at me pointedly, but her eyes had an edge of softness, while she waited for me to answer.

I found myself unable to actually form a "_yes_". Instead, my eyes closed and I barely accomplished the nod to indicate she was correct. I readied myself, knowing that was coming would most likely be the more painful part of this unpleasant discussion.

Alice jumped from the chair, throwing her arms around my neck, gripping me tightly, as she bounced up and down on the balls of her feet, with her usual giddiness. I wouldn't allow myself to hug her back. "Bella, I'm so happy for the both of you." She released me, her smile as wide as her face would allow, when suddenly the smile was gone, replaced with a look of total confusion. "But Bella, why is Edward so upset? Why hasn't he come out of his room for two days and won't speak to anyone? If you two have reconciled…" she trailed off. "Bella, what's going on?"

A big sigh violently escaped my chest, and I looked at my friend intently, knowing that I had few precious moments left with her. The pain in my heart started up again, as the feeling of numbness began to be replaced with impending loneliness. "Alice, I think you need to ask Edward that." I whispered miserably.

"You two aren't _together_, are you?" she asked, her voice choked with sadness.

"_No_."

"Bella, I _know_ that Edward loves you. You two just need some time to figure things out and when you do, it will be as it always should have been. I shouldn't have kept it from you, how he truly feels about you, but we've always let each family member do things in their own way. But now you know and we can all…"

Through the hurt and impending fight that I feared coming, my mind caught up with what she'd said. I struggled to keep my emotions in check, before I barked at her. "How could you keep that from me?" _I thought you were my friend_.

As if she could read my mind she answered. "Bella, I _am_ your friend." Her eyes begged me to understand what she was telling me. "But Edward is my brother. I just _couldn't _tell you. I couldn't break my promise to him. He wanted to do things on his own, to tell you things in _his _own time, in his own words. He never meant to hurt you. None of us did!"

I felt my heart harden, humiliation flooding every part of me, when faced with the fact that the entire family knew of Edward's feelings for me. I was the _last_ one to know everything. "Well, you did. I wasn't just hurt that Edward left, Alice. You left me too. You all did." My voice was cold and bitter.

Alice's tiny hands found their way to my arms, as she shook me gently. "I didn't want to," she pleaded.

"But you did."

Her hands dropped to her sides, and her eyes began to tear up. "Bella, I'm so sorry." She cried out softly.

I turned from her, my heart both enraged and aching. I knew that she hadn't wanted to go. I believed her. But, what could have been was no more. It was time to let go. "Alice, it doesn't matter any more."

"Bella, you've got to believe me. I'm so sorry and if I had the chance, I wouldn't make the same mistake. I wouldn't have left you behind."

Thankfully, numbness was taking hold again, and I was grateful for the change of emotion. "I know Alice. I believe you. It just doesn't matter. Not now."

"Bella, it does matter. What I don't understand is if you can believe me, why not Edward? Don't you believe that he loves you? That he's always loved you?" Her tiny hand found its way to mine, desperate to offer unwelcome comfort.

My mind raced back to every part of the conversation on Saturday night. "Alice, I'm not sure that I can ever trust what Edward says ever again, not after what he said to me ten years ago. I just can't risk being hurt like that all over again."

Her face went from distressed to utterly baffled. "What are you talking about, Bella? What exactly did Edward to you say all those years ago?"

_He never told them?_ I ignored my thought and tried to end the conversation, repeating the same words again. "Alice, if you want to know, ask Edward. I can't talk about it. And as for us," I took a deep breath before continuing, "I'm done with this."

She suddenly looked anxious and tense. "What do you mean you're_ done with this_?" Her body slumped back into the chair.

I closed my eyes, knowing that what I was about to say would end my relationship with Alice forever, and as much as I didn't want to let her or any of the other Cullens go, it was what needed to happen. She had chosen him over me once and it was only natural that she would do so again. History was repeating itself, and I felt the need to play my pitiful part. At least this time I would get to say goodbye. "Alice, Edward and I are no more. He's part of your family and I can no longer continue to be around him, given what's happened. Even you have to understand that._"_

Confusion clouded her features for a moment until the beginnings of understanding flooded in, her eyes filled to their brims with the damnable moisture that would never be released. "No, Bella. Everything will be fine. You and Edward will talk -- you both need some time, but things will be as they always should have been. But _you and I _not done. I will not lose you again, not after finding you after so long. I refuse to let that happen."

I sighed, my newfound numbness leaving me disinterested in the conversation. No matter how you painted it, the conclusion to this would be the same. "Alice, it'll be fine. Your family will go on and in a few years, you'll move to another cloudy, sunless destination. _Just the seven of you_."

"_No_."

"Yes. Alice, it has to be this way. You chose your brother before, and that's _exactly_ as it should be. But that's the only choice you'll get this time. I'm just not meant to be part of your lives. It's ok. Believe me, you'll get over this just like you did before." I looked at her, before she jumped from her seat.

She stood directly in front of me, rolling onto the balls of her feet, until she was nose to nose with me. "NO! I will not get _over _this, Bella. I never got over this. I told you that first night at the house. I don't care what anyone else does. You and Edward belong together, but even if that _doesn't _work out," her voice broke, and she paused a moment, her gaze drifting toward the floor, before looking back up at me, "I am _not_ letting you go. Not now. Please," she begged.

"Alice, there's no other way for this to work out. How are you and I supposed to continue, when Edward and I are – I don't know what we are, but this just can't work." I looked at her patiently.

She shook her head at me, unwilling to accept what I was telling her. "Is this why you weren't at class last night? Jasper and I were there, but you were nowhere to be found. Some other man was there teaching your students. I wanted to talk to you last night, but Jasper thought I should give you a little more time. Why weren't you there?"

My eyes closed as I took in a colossal breath, holding it for a moment, before I exhaled. I knew this was coming, but I was hoping that it wouldn't be here, in this space. "I wasn't there because of what happened Saturday night, Alice." I was hoping that would be enough to satiate her, but even I understood that she would require more details than that.

"What do you mean, Bella? The party was a huge success. I don't understand what you're trying to say."

I turned away from her, grabbing supplies from my desk, not willing to look her directly in the eye. I could feel her eyes boring into my back and decided there was no time like now to let her know exactly what had happened. "Alice," I breathed, looking for exactly the right words to say, "after John Riley tried to kiss me and then the display with Edward, I've been placed on suspension from the university. It's sort of an unwritten rule that staff is not permitted to have personal relationships with students. I went into the office yesterday and my department chair told me that effective immediately, I would be relieved of my teaching duties for the remainder of the semester until a disciplinary hearing has been held."

"Oh, Bella! I had no idea!" She paused for a second, until her eyes took on a look of inspiration. "But John Riley only kissed you on the cheek and you didn't encourage that. And the rest of us are taking your class as an audit. They can't hold you responsible for that. I'm sure when you explain things to them, they'll lift the suspension, right?"

I turned back to look at her, her expression one of cautious enthusiasm. "Alice, it doesn't matter that the three of you were there to audit my class. As for John Riley, it doesn't matter that I didn't encourage him. All of that in one night looked suspicious to the department, so this was what the university decided to do. There's nothing I can do about it now."

Alice looked grief stricken. "It's alright, Bella. You'll find another evening job, if you want one. We can help you look. You're a wonderful professor and another university will scoop you right up. You'll see," she warily interjected.

I shook my head. "Alice, it doesn't matter at this point. You should get going, before the sun comes up." I looked out the window, just in time to see Mandy coming from the parking lot. My haste to get Alice out of the building increased exponentially.

"Bella, I'm not leaving. Not until you promise that things will be okay between _us. _You told me in your own home that you weren't going anywhere. You promised," she nearly growled quietly.

I turned to look at my beautiful friend, her face lined with worry, and my heart yearned to make her that promise, even if I didn't believe in them anymore. I hated to hurt her, but didn't see any alternative. "Alice, I don't make promises. Not anymore. I'm sure that Edward passed along that information to you. I never promised you anything. I'm sorry this didn't work out. I wish things could be different, but I just don't see another option at this point."

Mandy breezed in, her beautiful smile in place, while her eyes looked far away. She'd certainly had a good weekend, it seemed. I'd been a bit worried about her, having missed work on Monday. I assumed that she'd been sick and was anxious that she might have fallen ill from the food and drink from Saturday's festivities. "Good morning, ladies!" Her voice was cheerful and ecstatic.

"Good morning, Mandy." I turned to look at Alice, whose gaze was focused entirely on me. "Alice, before you go, I need you to take something to your family for me, if you would. It'll save me the hassle of having it messengered over." I reached into my bag and pulled out a thin, sealed envelope.

I placed in into her tiny, elegant hands. "What's this?" she asked, looking at it cautiously.

I shot her my best teacher look. "You can open it once you leave. Just do it _after_ you leave the building, please," I directed her.

"_Elizabeth,_ I'm not ready to leave yet. Not until you can give me some satisfaction that _we're_ going to be okay," she hissed.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Mandy's head pop up. She crossed the room warily, flanking my left side, as if she were ready to spring. "Is everything alright, _Elizabeth_?" she asked.

"Everything is fine, Mandy. Alice was just leaving," I answered.

"No, I'm not going anywhere – not yet." Her voice got louder and more pronounced and Mandy's actions made me panic.

She stepped in between Alice and me. "I don't appreciate the tone of your voice and I think _Elizabeth_ is ready for you to go. Would you like me to show you the way out?" she challenged, while her soft drawl took on a hardened note, her stance one of defiance.

I dreaded Alice's coming response if I didn't intervene and soon. I looked over Mandy's shoulder, willing Alice to understand what I was about to say. "Alice, Mandy and I need to start prepping for the day ahead. Thank you for stopping by so early and delivering that to your family. Have a good day." It was a dismissal, and I was adamant about not adding a "see you soon" to the end of it.

Alice took a step toward us, until I placed my entire body between Mandy and herself in one quick motion. I felt Alice wouldn't do anything, but I wasn't about to chance it. "Alice," I hissed low enough for her ears only, "you have to go. This isn't the place for this type of confrontation and the sun will be up soon. Goodbye." My tone held one of absolute finality, though my heart was breaking knowing that this would most likely be the very _last_ time I would ever see her.

Alice's chin rose defiantly, her eyes growing dark, as she said one last thing to me. "This isn't goodbye. I _will_ see you and soon, _Elizabeth_. You both have a good day."

She turned without looking back, her graceful step uncharacteristically slow. I watched until I saw her disappear and then moved to the window, observing her Escalade tear out of the parking lot, before closing the blind to shield my hard skin from the sun.

Mandy's soft drawl broke me from my reverie. "Well, what's got her panties in such a pinch so early this morning?"

I turned to look at her, the closest thing I had to a friend now, and fought the urge to fall apart. "I have no idea. She was just stopping by to say hello." I looked down at my desk, desperate to change the subject. "Are you feeling alright? We missed you yesterday, though your sub did a fine job. You weren't sick, were you?" I thought of the day yesterday, and faintly remembered the poor substitute being terrified of me the entire day. Her sigh brought my eyes back to her lovely face.

Mandy's expression turned from serious to dreamy. "No, I'm fine. Sorry if I left you in the lurch yesterday. I just decided to take a mental health day."

"Well, that's good. Do anything interesting?" I asked, though I was hardly focused on the words she was about to say.

"_Interesting_? Oh, _Elizabeth_! I have to thank you!" she exclaimed.

I looked up at her, to see her smile wide and her big, blue eyes twinkling. "Thank me?" I was confused now and her response was adding to my befuddled state. "Thank me for what?"

She came to me, grabbing my upper arms with her elegant hands, her long finger nails painted a lovely shade of cranberry. "For introducing me to Jack. _Elizabeth_, I think I'm falling for him."

"What?" I honestly didn't know what else to say.

"We spent the entire weekend together." Her cheeks blushed a beautiful shade of crimson, and I was never so grateful that the smell of her blood wasn't the least bit interesting to me. "He is so perfect and his kisses! Let's just say that yesterday was one of the most interesting days of my life. We've got another date or two this weekend! Isn't that wonderful?" she nearly shouted, her excitement evident all over her face.

I quickly hugged her. "I'm so happy for you." It wasn't a lie, but I couldn't believe it. She'd just met this man and the look on her face told me that she thought he might be the one. Edward had told me himself that Jack thought that Mandy was beautiful and now she believed they might be falling in love. As much as I cared for Mandy, my jealousy reared its ugly head and the depression that was fighting the numbness to become my constant companion gripped me with such force, I had to will my legs to support my weight.

One thing was infinitely true.

_Fate was cruel._

Edward's POV

I sat in my room, unable to say a word to any member of my family. After Bella and I argued, I took the Vanquish, driving away quickly, hoping the speed would give me some clarity as to what to do next. My heart was broken, irrevocably it seemed.

I didn't go home – not right away. I knew that my family would be expecting answers, but the idea of telling them that Bella no longer wanted me was unbearable. The car offered me some distance, but I didn't stray far, knowing that I would need to return by Sunday in order to keep my promise to Esme about not running away. I needed time to think, but the time away offered me no clear resolution as to how I could proceed. I almost couldn't function from the pain of her rejection.

I wouldn't force myself on Bella. Yet I couldn't help but hope that one day we might still be together. If nothing else, that kiss drove home the idea that she still cared for me. She _had_ kissed me back and I knew that she was lying when she tried to tell me she hadn't.

Monday came and went, but when it was time to go to class, I didn't emerge from my room. I could hear Jasper's thoughts call to me. "_Edward, I know things are rough right now, and I wouldn't blame you for not attending class, but we're heading out. We'll check on Bella, and see how she's doing."_

Jasper's thoughts told me that he knew I was hurting, but he never attempted to come to talk to me in person. For one, the pain was too much for him to bear that close, but he also tried to give me some space, which I appreciated. He always knew when to push and when not to, but this was one circumstance where I was grateful for his understanding.

When Alice and Jasper returned from the university, I could hear her thoughts before she was anywhere near the driveway of the house. She was frantic. Bella hadn't been teaching that evening and when Alice asked Bella's replacement what had happened, he hadn't given her a straight answer.

Jasper tried to influence the poor human man's feelings, to force him into giving him some information, but the elderly gentleman didn't know anything; only that he had been called last minute to fill in and that he would be finishing the semester for _all_ of Bella's classes.

My heart dropped, knowing that she was trying to put more distance between herself and all of us. She was right. This was entirely my fault and now the rest of my family had to suffer even more because of my stupidity.

I sat there on the floor, not seeking comfort from the sofa, thinking of how I might have done things differently _again_, when I heard Alice's thoughts. I couldn't exactly tell where she was, but one thing was verifiably certain – she was angry.

"_This isn't happening. I will not lose her again because of this. They're supposed to be together, but if she isn't willing to give my dear brother another chance, that will not impact my relationship with her. I'm going to…"_

I closed my eyes, knowing what was coming. I could hear her SUV, the engine straining from the amount of speed that she was trying to exert to get her home more quickly, and readied myself for the argument that I had delayed, but ultimately knew was coming.

Within a minute, Alice was home and I heard the engine cut, the door swing open and _slam_ shut, before she came into the house, her infuriated steps and thoughts calling to me from the floor below. I could hear every member of the family, including Carlisle who had a rare day off from the hospital, come out of their rooms, when she screamed at me. "_EDWARD_! Do you know what's happened?"

Before she finished her question, she was in my room, the knob of the door deeply implanted in Esme's precious plaster from Alice's feeble attempt to open it without ripping it off the hinges. Even as tiny as Alice was, the fury on her face was undeniable. Her hair looked disheveled, as if she had been running her fingers through it over and over again. I attempted to stand, but found my legs wouldn't cooperate.

"Alice." It was all I could muster, but I knew it would only incense her further.

She was waving an envelope in the air, the thin paper creating a whistling sound as it was thrashed about. "Do you know what this is, Edward? Do you realize what you've done?"

I gathered my strength and pushed myself off the floor, walking over toward her. "I have no idea, Alice." I answered meekly. Her thoughts were so full of anger and rage; they didn't give me any indication what might be inside either.

By now, the entire family had filed into my room. Esme took a seat on the sofa, Rosalie beside her, while their mates stood behind them. Jasper came into the room, looking visibly pained from what must have been an inordinate amount of emotion from every loved one in the room. He stood behind Alice and tried to put his arm around her to offer her some comfort, but she shook him off.

Alice's face was contorted with rage, her usual doe eyes darkened slits. "I just came from seeing Bella, Edward." She hissed as if she were trying to control herself. "She wants _nothing_ to do with me. She basically threw me out of her classroom. And she's been suspended from her university job due to what happened Saturday night! _Suspended_! I can't even see her in class! Do you have any idea what you've done? I've lost my best friend, _again_, because of your choices!"

"Alice," Esme cautioned with her usual motherly tone.

Alice turned to look at our mother, her angry thoughts continuing to escalate. "Esme, you know I love and respect you, but this needs to be said." She walked to where Esme was sitting and handed her the envelope. "Do you know what's in here? Bella gave me this before she threw me out, and as soon as I got to the car, I got a vision of _you_ opening it. Go ahead. You'll understand what it is and exactly what it means when you look at it!"

Alice was shrieking now, while Esme looked at her daughter with confusion clearly marked all over her face. She placed one finger under the flap and pulled it open quickly, before drawing out a small, thin piece of paper. While she read whatever was on it, her thoughts told me everything I needed to know. I let out a giant sigh, while I bent at the waist, resting my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath as my chest tightened painfully.

Esme cleared her throat, before she attempted to tell the rest of the family exactly what that little sheet of paper said. "It's a certified check from Bella. The words in the note field say '_car repairs, dress, shoes, jewelry, educational supplies and miscellaneous_'. It's for a tidy amount and the check is dated yesterday."

"You understand what she's trying to do, right Esme? You see what this means!" Alice nearly sobbed.

Esme nodded, while her free hand found its way to her throat, which she began to rub nervously. "I believe that Bella is reimbursing us for every dime we've spent on her since September. My guess is she's cutting ties with us. Is this what you think, Alice?" she choked out. Carlisle put a comforting hand on her shoulder and lightly squeezed, which she covered with her own.

Alice nodded vigorously, as her eyes started to fill with unshed tears. She turned to unleash more of her aggravation on me, and I braced myself for what was coming. "Edward, stand up and face me!"

I stood, though it was difficult to stand upright. "Alice, I'm sorry. I never thought that Bella would sever ties with all of you. I just thought she was angry with me." My voice held no conviction.

"_Really_?" Her tone was dripping with sarcasm. "Do you ever think, Edward? I left her once because _you_ thought it was the right thing to do, even though I argued with you and continued to question your choice for years afterward. I only stopped when you …" she trailed off, her thoughts telling me that she wasn't able to form the words for whatever reason. "But she's here _now_ and we _all_ had a second chance with her. Even Rosalie forged a bond with Bella and now what? She's gone and I've lost her – we've all lost her! This is your fault, Edward. ALL YOUR FAULT!" She roared at me, the volume of her voice shaking the leaded glass windows of my room.

Jasper, again, attempted to put a comforting arm around his tiny wife, but she practically pushed him off. She turned on her heel and stood directly in front of Rosalie, who was staring at the floor. "And you!" Rosalie looked up, startled. "Rosalie, you _never_ liked her and _never_ attempted to hide that fact. When we left her behind in Forks, you made absolutely no secret how pleased you were with all of this. You may have helped later, but it was only under duress -- because Carlisle and Esme made you! If you had simply tried to like Bella, you could have tried to help Edward understand what an insipid mistake he was making!"

"Alice, I love Bella. This is hurting me, too!" Rosalie gasped, her face one of shock at Alice's outburst.

"_NOW_! But ten years ago, you couldn't stand her and you made no attempt to hide that fact, especially from her! And when the party turned into a giant disaster, you were gloating! You did nothing to help him or any of us. You thought only of yourself, knowing that he would leave and you would be free of Bella."

"Alice, I-I…" Rosalie stuttered.

Emmett took a protective stance in regards to his wife, leaning forward with his massive hands caressing her shoulders. "Alice, don't speak to Rosalie that way," he growled.

"And you! You never once questioned your brother's actions. I know how much you missed Bella, but you never once talked to him about changing his mind. You never tried to talk him out of leaving her. You just let him make the biggest mistake of his existence and for what? You _knew_ how difficult it would be for him to live without his mate, knew that _you_ couldn't have been strong enough to withstand the same thing, and still you said _NOTHING_! Bella was changed into one of our kind and lost everything!"

Emmett looked at Alice in absolute shock. "Edward is his own man. He makes his own choices. It's not my place to tell him what to do. Alice, I…"

"I don't want to hear it, Emmett! You didn't help in this situation. Not one bit!"

Alice turned to look at Carlisle, her eyes now visibly full of pain and weariness. "Carlisle," she addressed our father, her tone much softer and full of deference. Our father looked at her, while he continued to rub Esme's shoulders as she quietly wept. "You know how much I love and respect you, but you failed Edward. _You failed all of us_. I know that it's this family's stance to let us make our own choices and _mistakes_, but you knew how badly this would affect Edward. I had a vision back then, one that showed me how you grappled with his choice, and how badly they would both suffer and yet, you said nothing. I mean no disrespect, but we're all hurting needlessly."

"Bella and Edward should have _always_ been together, but they've lost the last ten years because no one wanted to challenge him. I know that you and I tried that first night, but then what? I was left alone to try to talk some sense into him, while we all watched him become a shell of himself, running away and for what? We almost lost him permanently, until Emmett went to find him in South America. We've all suffered because of this." Alice's voice was quieter now, and her gaze drifted to the floor.

She looked up at the ceiling, taking in a giant breath, before continuing. "We're all to blame. Bella _begged_ me to not have that ridiculous party, but I didn't listen. She cuts her finger and my poor husband has to live with the guilt of nearly killing her for a decade."

"Alice," Jasper began, his head hung low.

"No, Jasper. You know I forgave you that night. That we all did. All of us, except Carlisle, had bloodlust._ ALL OF US._ Every person in this room forgave you, including Bella. She was never angry with you. But we're all to blame. Now Bella's put herself in some self-imposed solitary confinement with no one to depend on. How are we supposed to fix this?"

I took a step toward my sister, hoping to offer her some comfort. "Alice, I'm sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. But this is my fault – all of it. I take total and complete responsibility for the…"

"What did you say to her, Edward? What did you say to her all those years ago before you left her?" Alice asked, her tone hard and full of antagonism mixed with pure resentment.

Anger rippled through my system. It was none of her business what I had said. When I had left Bella all those years ago, I never discussed with anyone what happened when I said goodbye. "Alice, that's private." I whispered trying to control my tone and temper.

"Private? The time for privacy is over, Edward. Bella told me this morning that she couldn't trust you again _because_ of what you said to her when you left. She looked terribly hurt and wounded. I want to know what you said to make her distrust everyone around her, including us."

I glared right back into Alice's eyes, not wanting to have this fight too. "Alice, I told her we were leaving." She wasn't going to get it out of me that easily. It was between Bella and me.

"That doesn't explain it. Right now, I believe Bella more than I believe that pathetic explanation you're giving me. What else did you tell her?"

Alice was demanding my unwilling answers and so I faced her with a look of loathing. "I told her we were leaving and that she couldn't come with us. I told her I was tired of pretending to be human and that she wasn't good for me." I hissed. Alice's eyes narrowed and she moved a step closer to me pulling her lip over her teeth. I took a step closer and stood to my full height.

"And you think that was letting her down _gently_?" Alice growled sarcastically.

I had had enough of this interrogation. "I never promised to let her down gently. I did what I had to do to get her to let go. I did what I had to do because I loved her enough to make it a clean break." My argument sounded weak in my mind but my voice was gaining strength. What did it matter now? It was ten years ago. I did what I thought was right at the time.

Esme and Rosalie gasped. "What else, Edward? What else did you tell her?" Alice asked, her voice breaking with each word.

Alice was being relentless. I couldn't understand Rosalie and Esme's reactions. Why were they looking at me like that? I decided to just tell them so this conversation would be over. "All right. She wouldn't let me go. She wanted to come with us. She wasn't understanding me. So after I told her she wasn't good for me she said, 'Y_ou…don't…want…me?_' and I told her," I took a huge breath before continuing, "'_No_'. I told her that I would always love her in my own way and that our kind was easily distracted."

Even to my vampire ears, the silence was deafening. The looks from the _women_ in my life would make a lesser man cower.

"Did you bother to tell her that you lied about all of that? Did you set the record straight with her and tell her that you didn't mean a word of it?" Alice cried.

"Not until Saturday night. She actually brought it up and that's when I realized how much it must have hurt her."

"Edward, I may not be human, but if Jasper had told me that before he left and I didn't see him for a decade, I can guarantee you that my heart may have hardened beyond the point where it could ever heal again. Don't you have any idea how much pain a statement like that would cause her? That her self esteem would be decimated when confronted with that type of information from the love of her life?"

I had considered it, but thought that my Bella would be okay, with time. I simply shook my head. "She was human. Humans don't love like we do." I answered lamely.

"You cannot be that arrogant! Who are you to judge how deeply someone loves? Did you ever love someone like that as a human? Bella told you over and over that she would rather _die_ than be without you. Look at how much she risked in order to save her mother when she thought James had her. It was right in front of you how much she was capable of loving and you threw it away!" Alice was yelling so loud the windows were rattling.

My patience was gone. "I DID WHAT I THOUGHT WAS RIGHT…FOR HER OWN GOOD…SHE GOT OVER IT…SHE GOT MARRIED….SHE HAD A CHILD!" I roared back.

"She never got over you." She whispered back to me.

I growled and bared my teeth. Of all the things she could have said to me, that was the one thing that ripped through me like a dagger. It was the one thing I had feared and hoped at the same time. I started to turn away from her. I was done with this conversation.

Alice's thoughts came to me. _"No wonder she's hurting so much!" _My favorite sister came sprinting toward me, her hand lifted, and she struck me across the face. I know that the impact didn't really hurt either of us physically, but the harsh sound of stone on stone caused everyone in the room to freeze in shock. My face followed the direction of blow, and I felt ashamed – so full of regret for everything that had happened and those things still to come, though none of us had any idea what was coming next. Jasper rushed to restrain his wife, his hands reaching out to grab her around the waist, while she fell toward the floor, dry heaving.

But she spoke to me then, addressing the room at the same time. "Edward, I am so angry with you, that I can barely stand to look at your face. I just don't know what to do right now."

Jasper left the room, making it to their suite, when I realized that he was packing a bag, as he systematically went through a mental checklist of what they would need, my mind picking up every item. My heart plummeted, when I realized that what I had done was about to split the family apart. He sprinted back up the stairs and came to Alice's side.

"Alice," I began, my voice low and bursting with emotion, "I'm so sorry. I can fix this. I just need to figure out what to do. I love her so much that my heart is breaking, just like everyone else's. Please don't leave us. I'll leave and you can stay. That's only right." I looked at my sister, remembering happier times that we spent together, willing her to understand that I meant every word.

Alice looked at me, her face hard and unlike the sweet, energetic sibling I had spent the last sixty-five years with. She and I had bonded over our "gifts", and from the moment she came into our lives, we were close. In Forks, she had been the only one of my siblings to support my choice in being with Bella. And when we left, she was the one to continue to argue with me, begging me to reconsider leaving her. To think that she would leave the family due to my lack of judgment hit hard. If she left permanently, Rosalie and Emmett might not be far behind. Our family was at stake. I needed to do something to fix this horrific mess, but my mind was a complete blanket of white.

"Alice, are you ready?" Jasper questioned his wife, his hand on her elbow.

My mother stood, her eyes wide and full of fear. "Darling Alice, where are you going?" Esme questioned.

Alice turned to look at Esme. "I don't know. I just can't stay here right now."

Rosalie looked up from the floor, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears. "Are you coming back?"

Alice looked at each of us, her face pensive and full of apprehension. "I hope so. I just need to put some distance between myself and all of you for a while. I love each and every one of you. Before Jasper and I found you all, my visions showed me what a wonderful family we would have together, but with what has happened, I think we all need a break. I'll call you, Esme, when Jasper and I reach our destination. We'll stay in touch; don't worry. I haven't made a permanent choice, so my visions won't help right now."

I reached out to hug my sister goodbye, only to be rebuffed. My heart yearned to mess her hair like I always had, but feared a repeat performance of a few minutes ago. Jasper and Alice hugged every member of the family, save me.

Alice wouldn't look at me, but Jasper subtly nodded in my direction, before he spoke to me with his thoughts. "_Don't worry, Edward. She just needs some time, and before you know it, she'll be back to the old Alice we know and love. I'll look after her, and talk to her when she's ready to open up."_ His tone wasn't convincing.

I nodded back an acknowledgment to my brother, before they left the room and slowly descended the staircase. Each member of the family followed after, Rosalie and Emmett heading for their rooms, their thoughts both full of sadness and fear for the future. Esme hugged me tightly, while Carlisle gently squeezed my shoulder, their thoughts whispering encouragement to me.

I was left alone in my room, my heart heavy and my mind full. I had made this mess. I resolved right then to fix things; not only for my family, but for Bella as well. I would put things back together, even if my chance with Bella was past.

A plan began to form in my mind and I pulled out my cell phone, impatient to make plans. It would take preparation and time to execute, but I wouldn't sit here, wallowing in self-pity, when there were things that I could do.

_I just prayed that I wouldn't be too late. _


	46. Chapter 45: Intervention

Chapter 45: Intervention

_Author's Note: I forgot to mention a very special thank you to school librarian last week, who gave me the idea for Alice's tongue lashing in the last chapter…she's wonderful!_

_Thanks to heartbroken1 & Mandi1, for their constant support and help. A very special thanks to grumpy grizzly, who is my storyboard…she's a huge part of this success!_

_The __**Denali Coven**__ awards are still up and accepting votes…if you're feeling generous and that I'm worthy, the link is on my homepage. Voting closes Thursday._

_I'll be posting some more links tonight or tomorrow on said homepage of the clothing from tonight's chapter…the research for this thing is so much fun!_

_One last thing – I am terribly behind in replies, but I'll catch up. You have ALL been so wonderful – thank you for the kind words and support._

_I'm hoping to post again this weekend…enjoy!_

Chapter 45: Intervention

Bella's POV:

_One month._

How could one month change everything? I had déjà vu as I realized I had had a similar epiphany the month before. Only this time, it wasn't a happy one.

Only four weeks ago, I was spending time with Alice, planning that stupid party, enjoying the company of seven people that I'd hoped to spend eternity with.

Carlisle and Esme, parenting me quietly, welcoming me with their actions, and helping me feel at home.

Emmett, rough housing with me, making me laugh and feeling protected.

Rosalie, whose quiet friendship with me was building day by day.

Jasper, whose sharp intellect and introspective way opened my mind to new perspectives and opinions.

Alice, whose enthusiasm and affection made me smile and feel like I had a sister, and a friend.

_Edward_…

I didn't focus on the last one. I couldn't. Thinking of him brought back intolerable pain, and ravaged the hole in my heart. The loss of what I had let myself hope for was almost as unbearable as when Edward left me. I had set myself up for disaster. I deluded myself into thinking that I could belong with them.

_It was a fantasy. _

_It was over._

At least my phone stopped ringing off the hook nonstop a week ago. The caller ID had alerted me to Alice's attempts to get a hold of me, I remembered sadly. It was easy to ignore. I didn't have the strength or energy to answer for anyone.

Another Thursday came, and I found myself dragging myself through another carbon copy day, my trademark plastic smile in place. All the skills I'd perfected the first time I lost Edward were being put to good use again, or at least I thought they were. I was going through the motions, praying for the day to end, and still dreading it, knowing that I was heading home to an empty house and the blackest darkness that now seemed to symbolize my very existence.

When the kids were finally on the bus, and I was collecting my things at the end of the day, Mandy approached me quietly. "Hey, _Elizabeth_. I need to talk to you for a minute. Do you have the time?"

My eyes, which were focused on gathering my piles of books and papers, shifted to her lovely face. Her beautiful blue eyes were twinkling, excited and apprehensive all at the same time. "For you, Mandy? Of course. What's up?"

She twirled a lock of golden hair around her index finger, her smile widening slowly. "Well, I won't be at work tomorrow. I called in for a sub," she said evasively.

My concern for Mandy deepened, temporarily displacing some of the darkness that my heart was feeling. "Are you feeling alright? Do you think you're getting the stomach bug that's been racing through the school?" I asked her with genuine worry.

She laughed, her lovely manicured left hand reaching for her throat. It was then that I saw _it_; a sparkle that caught the light from the harsh fluorescent light fixtures in the ceiling. Mandy had a beautiful, platinum and diamond ring on her _third_ finger, making her new French manicure look even lovelier. "No, hardly. I've never felt better in my life and it's all due to _you._"

"Me?"

Her lips pursed into a small smile, while she took in a deep breath. "_Elizabeth_, Jack asked me to marry him last weekend!"

I fought to keep the shock and was it…yep, total and complete jealousy from invading my expression. I don't think I did too great a job of it. "Wow," I said lamely, my tone not matching my choice of words. "Congratulations, Mandy. I'm so happy for you. For both of you."

Her brow furrowed, while the smile started to disappear from her face. "I know it's sudden, but he's so wonderful. I hope you're not disappointed. We're both just so grateful to you for introducing us. He's everything that I've always wanted, and everything I never knew I needed."

My heart dropped to my knees, as I took in all the information that she was feeding me. Then I realized I needed to respond…appropriately. "No, Mandy. Really, I'm thrilled for the both of you. Jack is wonderful. Well respected, impeccable manners, so intelligent and witty. I'm a little surprised, that's all. It's just so sudden. I introduced you because I thought you would enjoy each other's company. It's just that you've only been dating for what? A month?"

My mind brought back that horrible night at the party, and realized the irony that my ending with Edward and the Cullens had been the beginning for her and Jack.

Mandy looked at me sheepishly. "I know it's quick, but when you find the _one_, I think it's important to not waste time. And that's why I won't be here tomorrow."

"Oh. Are you two doing something special?" I questioned, assuming they were going away for the weekend or something equally as nice for a young couple in love. _Just lovely…_I thought with sarcasm.

"Special? _Elizabeth,_ Jack and I are going to the courthouse tomorrow to get…" her hands formed into tiny fists, her gaze looking toward the door as if to check for unwelcome visitors, as she fought to keep her excitement to a quiet level, "_married_! Isn't that exciting?" She looked at me, her smile wide and clearly looking for an approving response.

My heart went from my knees to the floor. I _was _happy for her. I was. More than I could express at that moment. Mandy had been my only cohort since I moved to this town and she could always be counted on to be cheerful and encouraging. But knowing that she had found and obtained something that I knew was lost to me forever was heartrending. Instead, I forced the brightest smile I could manage on my face and answered, "That is wonderful! I am so happy for you."

She grabbed me into a tentative hug, increasing her pressure, until I could return it in kind. "We're going to have a real wedding in the spring or summer, but we didn't want to wait. I was wondering, before you go, if you had a minute? I wanted to show you something. Do you?"

I nodded. "Of course, Mandy. What is it?" My voice was cheerful, but the hole in my chest was expanding exponentially again.

"It's in my car. Just give me, like, five minutes. Stay here. I just wanted to share this with you, okay?" I nodded and she clapped her hands in excitement. She grabbed her keys from her desk and dashed off for the parking lot in a flash.

I found my way to my desk, sitting down, knowing that my wobbly legs wouldn't be able to support my weight much longer. How had this happened?

_No…I'm happy for her._

I was happy for her, but my spirit was devastatingly awestruck at the irony of the situation. She had known Jack for a month and she was going to get her happily ever after. I let myself wallow in depression for the few precious seconds I had before she returned, determined to be happy for my friend.

_She deserves this._

Mandy came breezing back into the classroom, her casual slacks and blouse replaced with a perfect cocktail dress, elegantly strapless with oversized flowers tacked to the bodice and hemline, each one with a center burst of airy tulle. It was an exquisite shade of ivory and accented her blonde tresses and china doll skin perfectly.

Her hair was swept back, and a beautiful bird cage veil was pinned across her face, tucked behind her ears, ending just above her full lips, each side secured with a matching jeweled broach. Her gorgeous dress was complimented by a beautiful pair of satin pumps that were dyed the palest shade of peach. The shoes echoed her choice of jewelry – pale peach pearls delicately balanced off a white gold chain, forming a lovely necklace that accented her delicate shoulder blades.

"Well? What do you think? Pretty slick outfit for my wedding, considering I just picked it out on Monday!" In typical Mandy fashion, she struck a dramatic pose, her hand perched on her forehead in a perfect Scarlett O'Hara impersonation, waiting for a response.

I looked her over from head to toe. "You look beautiful." I glanced pointedly down at her shoes. "Peach?" I asked, trying desperately to show her I was both interested and very excited for her.

"Well," she began, her thumb resting on her chin, while her index finger tapped her pert little nose, "Jack _loves_ me in this color. It _was_ the same shade I was wearing when we met, and he talks about it all the time, so I decided to wear peach shoes and jewelry. Do you think he'll like it?" She suddenly looked nervous.

"He'll believe that he is the luckiest man alive when he sees what a vision you are. Where on earth did you get that beautiful veil?" I stepped toward her, fingering the delicate tulle that accented her excited eyes. It looked vintage, but in beautiful condition.

"I know; isn't it gorgeous? It belonged to Jack's grandmother and his mother wore it at their wedding. It's a family tradition. I'll wear it to the real wedding, as soon as we figure out when and where it will be, but I wanted to include it in tomorrow's ceremony as well."

"Well, I think that he's hit the jackpot. You look perfect. Be sure to take some pictures, if you can, all right? Do you have a bouquet?" If she didn't, I was going run to the florist immediately and order her something quickly. I just wanted her to be happy.

"Actually, Jack ordered me one; sweetheart roses, in peach and ivory. He emailed me a picture of it this morning. He's so sweet and attentive. He knows that sweethearts are my favorite." Her eyes took on a dreamy look, while her hands absentmindedly smoothed her dress.

"Well, you better get out of that dress before you back into something that we haven't wiped up. I would hate to think of finger paint ruining your ensemble," I teased brightly, though my heart was heavy.

She nodded and exited the room. I continued to collect my things, when I heard her come back into the room, changed back into her work clothes. A dress bag was draped over one arm, a second bag in the other. "So, I won't be here tomorrow. And just so you know, I'll probably be 'sick' Monday, as well." She winked in my direction, while she chuckled lightly.

"Sounds good. I'm looking forward to _all_ the details when you come back," I responded with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. She smiled shyly, her apple cheekbones a delicate pink and I gasped, realizing how that might have been interpreted. "OH! What I mean is I want to hear all about the ceremony. Good luck!" I cheered.

"Thank you, _Elizabeth_. We are both just so grateful to you. You'll definitely be invited to the wedding. You'll be our guest of honor, that's certain."

I hugged her, and we left the building. I waved a cheerful goodbye to her, until she left the parking lot and then sank into my car, letting the sobs take over again. As happy as I was for my friend, I just couldn't believe it. I turned the engine over, bracing myself for another long and lonely evening. The thought that plagued my mind was that she and Jack were smart enough to seize the moment and not let anything get in their way. They weren't wasting time. I thought about all the _time_ I had ahead of me, wondering how I would face it alone.

_SATURDAY MORNING…_

_It's too early for the mailman_, I thought to myself, as I heard the car approach, the gentle purr of the engine enlightened me to the fact that what I thought was the postman's clunky truck was something entirely different.

I _knew_ that sound, but my vacant thoughts wouldn't let me put a finger to it. I'd spent the interminable hours of the endless night trying to figure out how I could have kept Edward from leaving me so long ago. It served no purpose but self-pity. What was done was done. But I longed to change the past. The worst part is that I now knew that my heart was tied to Edward forever, though it made no difference. That eventually I would move from this tiny town to another, and never know where he and his family drifted to next.

Continuing to sit there, I heard the knock on the door, rousing me from my depressed state. _Who on earth can that be this early in the morning? _I forced myself up from the floor and walked to the door, opening it without asking or caring who might be there waiting on the other side.

Imagine my surprise to see Esme standing there with Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper behind her on my tiny stoop. "Good morning, Bella." She held her arms open to me, taking a step forward and boldly embracing me tightly, before placing a kiss on the top of my head. "It's a lovely morning, isn't it?" She said breezily pulling back to look me over.

I fought to keep the look of shock off my face -- and then remembered my manners. "Esme, would you like to come in? Would you all like to come in?" I stepped aside, not sure what else to do.

Esme walked in, her bright smile in place, followed by Rosalie, who nodded in my direction, her face a blank slate. Alice approached me, hugging me fiercely, and then stepped back, her eyes full of unshed tears, before Jasper came in.

"Good morning, Bella." He was holding a large package, wrapped in crisp brown paper and accented with a large red bow, which he easily wrangled inside the house, setting it gingerly on the floor against my plaster walls.

Quietly, they all found their way to the living room, and turned to face me. "What brings you here?" I asked hesitantly breaking the stilted silence.

Esme took a step toward me, taking my hand. "I…_we_ need to talk to you. May we sit down?"

I looked at her in shock. When I found my voice it was hard. "Esme, I don't mean to be rude, but there is _nothing_ left to talk about."

Esme's smile turned upside down, her frown quickly creasing her delicate brow. "I was afraid that you might say that, Bella. So, I have a proposal. We can do this the _easy_ way or the _hard_ way. It's your choice." Her voice was soft but firm.

_What? _My eyes widened in surprise. "Esme, what exactly do you mean by that?" The tone of my voice held complete apprehension. I'd _never_ heard Esme speak like that to anyone before.

"What I mean dear is that we all need to talk to you and we're not leaving until you hear us out. The easy way is that you sit and listen. If you try to run or get us to leave, I'll have Jasper, Alice and Rosalie restrain you. I _know_ you won't use your "gift", since hurting us would be the last thing that you would want. But, I've grown tired of waiting for my children to get their acts together. I'm tired of watching both you and Edward hurting for absolutely no good reason."

Well, she certainly had one thing right. I was hurting. But how on earth would she know that? I'd had no contact with the Cullen's for over a month.

As if she could read my mind, or my non-existent poker face, she answered that very question. "Bella sweetheart, I have seen you in nothing but pain for the last three months, though I'm quite certain that pain has been there since Edward left more than ten years ago. But I will tell you this -- I won't stand here any longer and let it continue. There are things that need to be said and you need to hear them. After you've heard us out, you can make an _educated _decision as to what you want to do, but you _will_ listen. So, what's it going to be? Easy or hard? It's entirely up to you."

I looked at her in complete shock and not knowing what else to say, I choked out, "Easy?" It came out like a question.

"Good, Bella. Shall we sit down?"

I nodded, too numb and in shock to fully comprehend what might be coming, but thought better of denying Esme in her attempt to talk to me. I assumed she would just give me the same points that Alice had given me, and then I could show them back out. Esme was right about one thing – I wouldn't be rude to her. But I knew that whatever she was about to tell me wouldn't make any difference.

"Where to begin?" Esme stated, her brows knitted together, her lips pursed, until she looked back up at me. "Well, I think I can speak for the entire family when I tell you that ten years ago, NONE of us wanted to leave Forks. Rosalie maybe, but I can tell you that she now feels terrible about what happened. Wouldn't that be right, Rosalie?" She looked at her daughter.

My gaze shifted to the beautiful vampire sitting across from me on the sofa.

"Bella, back then, I treated you terribly. I am _so_ sorry about that. I considered you a threat to the safety of our family, and when Edward left and we followed his lead, I was more than a bit smug." She looked at me sheepishly. "Ok, I was elated." She rolled her eyes. "But now that I see what his decision did in your life and his, I need to ask your forgiveness."

_His life?_ My heart was nudging me, as if to say _I told you so._ I tried, in vain, to ignore that nagging thought that he was just as broken when he left as I was and instead found myself responding to Rosalie. "You're forgiven. At the time, it made sense. I was the outsider and if the shoe were on the other foot, I can't say with any certainty that I wouldn't be just as," I carefully chose my next word, "_hostile_." I smiled at her weakly.

She laughed lightly. "Bella, you're being too kind. I was a whole lot more than hostile. But thank you for understanding. It means…so much to me." She finished softly, almost tenderly.

I heard her response, but my curiosity had my voice rush ahead without my conscious consent. "Rosalie?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"What do you mean when you say '_what that decision did in his life_'? I don't think I follow you," I stated, though if felt like my heart was trying to pound some sense into my head.

Rosalie looked to her mother, while Esme nodded back. "Bella," Esme began, "Edward didn't do well when he left you in Forks. Well, saying he didn't do well is a complete and total understatement. He completely fell apart."

My mind was having a very difficult time catching up with my heart. "He did?" I choked out.

Every member of the family nodded soberly, and Esme took my hand. "Bella, I know that Edward _thought _he was doing the right thing when he left you in Forks, but when he insisted on telling you goodbye," she sighed, her eyes betraying the ­­concern for her son, "we lost Edward. He was there in body, but his spirit was gone."

My mind raced with the possibilities. Even after my change, I still remembered the pain of losing Edward, of having the one person in my life that I loved more than anyone leave me. The familiar hole was hurting, but oddly, hearing that Edward suffered too made it feel smaller. Almost like it was starting to close. Could Edward have hurt so much? Did he hurt like I had when he'd left?

I pondered these things, while my heart sat back and smiled smugly. Was it possible that I'd assumed that I was the _only_ one to suffer when Edward left?

I remembered what he said to me the night of the party, only a month ago._ "Bella, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought you could forget about me, but I __knew__ that I would never forget you. I love you so much."_

He'd looked so utterly miserable and his usual strong and beautiful tenor voice was breaking with every word, the agony in his heart clear to anyone that could hear it. _Everyone but me…_

"What exactly do you mean '_his spirit was gone_'? I asked cautiously, though my voice betrayed my curiosity and heartache for Edward…_my Edward._

_Whoa...where did that come from?_

My mind and heart tried that out again. _My Edward._ After so long, it still felt so right.

"Bella, after your birthday party, Edward felt the only way he could keep you safe was to leave you, to let you go. He couldn't bear the idea of you being hurt, and thought this was the only way to keep you safe. We all knew how this would affect him, but in our family, our stance has always been to allow everyone to make their own decisions. Now we know that was a terrible mistake." Esme's eyes shifted to where Alice was sitting.

"Bella, I tried, over and over again, to talk some sense into Edward. But he was so certain about his plans to leave…" she trailed off before looking me straight in the eye, "…he was adamant about his decision and neither Carlisle nor I could get him to see another alternative. Sometimes Edward's stubbornness tops yours," she said with a weak smile.

Jasper, who was sitting directly across from me in one of my sturdy dining room chairs, reached out with his hand and tenderly gripped my hand. "Bella, we left and he followed us. We met up in New Hampshire, but he didn't speak a word. The pain he felt was unimaginable. The emotions that I could feel coming off of him were so intense, I couldn't stand to be too close. They were so painful that I felt real, physical hurt – an unquenchable throbbing that was impossible to miss. I've never felt that depth of heartache before."

Jasper leaned forward in his chair, the look on his face hesitant. "Bella, I need to do something to you. I need to _show_ you how he felt, if you'll let me. I think it will help you understand _exactly_ how Edward felt right after he left Forks. Will you let me do that?"

I was confused about what he meant by showing me, but I nodded, waiting impatiently for him to continue. Jasper sat back in his chair casually, before I felt it. The hurt, the excruciating agony of pain, loneliness, sadness, heartache, emptiness…I lost track of everything else, as the chaos of emotion swept over me, my arms crossed my torso, my hands forming into fists, pressed tightly against my sides, desperate for it to stop. Only a second later it did.

"What was that?" I choked out, my system still pulsing with the barrage of emotions.

Jasper leaned forward again, placing a brotherly hand on my knee. "I'm sorry. I wish there could have been another way, but I think it's important for you to understand how he really _felt_." His face held a look of apology. "_That_ was how Edward felt, right after he left you. Believe me, I hate reliving it probably more than you just felt experiencing it."

I couldn't believe him, not at first. _That _was how Edward felt? "How long did he," I paused, taking an enormous breath, "_feel_ like that?"

"Months. Some days, the feelings wouldn't be as intense, but there were other times that he would fall back into the deepest depression, and no help from my gift could bring him out of it. It was harrowing to watch him fall apart," Jasper explained, his face strained with what must have been memories of watching his brother deal with such horrific pain.

Rosalie cleared her throat, and I looked over at her, her exquisitely perfect face holding the clear traces of worry. "Edward was miserable. Even I could see it, though I didn't understand it at the time. We all tried to get him to speak, but he wouldn't. He stayed in his room and didn't come out for weeks, not even to hunt. It wasn't until Carlisle went and spoke with him that he was finally able to emerge from his room and see us." Rosalie's beautiful face turned toward her mother.

Esme squeezed my other hand and my gaze shifted to take in her lovely features and tawny hair. "My dear Carlisle talked to Edward, trying to get him to leave the room, to come and join us, to do something other than sit in the corner, in the dark. After several hours, Edward and his father emerged, though Edward looked terrible. His eyes were black, the shadows beneath deeper and darker than I'd ever seen them. I hugged him, but he wouldn't hug me back. He simply collapsed into my arms and started to shake, heaving with the hurt he felt in not having you any longer. I held him for hours, trying to give him some comfort, and feeling helpless because I knew that the only one that could give him an ounce of relief was you, Bella."

My heart was breaking for the pain he had suffered, the pain that I understood all too well, but the need to know more was stronger. "Why was he so miserable? Even if he loved me, _he_ was the one who left." I whispered. My heart and my head were in full out war, but my heart was starting to overcome.

Jasper looked at me cautiously. "Bella, since you've become one of our kind, have you noticed things? You realize that you're stronger, your senses are sharper, and you have that same photographic mind like the rest of us. Once you see it, hear it, it's embedded in your brain and memory _forever_. Is there anything else that you've noticed?"

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean, Jasper." I asked quietly, desperately trying to figure out where this was leading.

Jasper's face has his trademark stoic appearance including his ever kind eyes. "Bella, when Edward found you, he _changed_. He went from this quiet, reclusive individual to someone who had finally found _joy_. I could sense it from him every time he would see you and spend time with you. It was vastly more pronounced when he would touch you." He laughed sadly. "He smiled all the time. He'd finally found what the rest of us had: _a mate._ Our spouse is the reason we survive this existence. Alice keeps me centered and focused and blissfully in love." He glanced lovingly at his wife, his other hand firmly wrapped around hers. "That's why we _all_ fought so hard to keep you alive in Phoenix. We knew what it would do to Edward if you died. True, we couldn't believe that he had fallen in love with a human, but that didn't lessen our desire to ensure that you stayed safe. Even if you weren't living with us in Forks, you were a part of our family. We would have done exactly the same thing for any other member of the family and that's what you are to us, Bella. You are family."

My mouth dropped open, while I choked out, "I am?" It was a feeble question but it held all the hope I had ever had about belonging with the Cullens.

"Of course you are." He looked at me, his eyes tender, but charged with determination. "But with that change Bella, Edward was never the same. With our kind, once a change has occurred, especially one that deals with the heart, its irrevocable – forever. Once Edward fell in love with you, nothing would change that. He has never stopped loving you. He couldn't. He's held on to that love for you with such tenacity that it was the only thing that kept him going when he left us the first time."

_Change? Irrevocable? Loves me?_

My thoughts were a mess while I tried to wrap my head around what Jasper was telling me. But then I caught up with the last thing that the quiet, introspective vampire in front of me had said. "Left you the first time? Left you for what?"

"Bella," Esme began again, taking a deep breath, "the first thing that Edward said to all of us that first night when we got him to leave his room was that he was leaving us. That he was going to find and destroy Victoria; he was determined to keep you safe. His eyes had a vacant look, but it was mixed with determination. He knew that she would still be a threat, given that her mate was killed by our family. He said that he left to protect you and that he wasn't going to let Victoria have you."

She smiled weakly and continued, "But I also knew that he couldn't stand to look at any of us. That every time he saw Carlisle take my hand, or Rosalie hug Emmett, or watched Alice and Jasper share a kiss, he would visibly wince and flee the house. I'm sure that his gift of hearing our thoughts made his days even worse. We, as a family, made the decision to keep those thoughts at bay. We went out of our way to not be affectionate around each other, knowing how much it hurt him. He no longer had you, and it was killing him. We tried to talk him into taking some of us with him to help him hunt for her, but he wouldn't hear of it."

"Where did he go? How long was he gone?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This is what he'd been doing while I fell apart in Forks? Those long months where I tried to function, while the reoccurring nightmares slowly ate away at me, the feelings of loneliness and vacancy my only constant, he decided to hunt for a monster.

Rosalie jumped in, ready to continue with an explanation. "The _first _time was roughly six months. He kept in contact for a while, but then he stopped calling. We all grew more and more worried by the day, until Emmett had enough and left to look for him. Emmett found him over a month later, in Brazil, where he had been holed up for a time. He dragged Edward home, and we talked as a family."

"Edward wouldn't give up the idea of hunting Victoria, but he was terrible at tracking. None of us wanted him to leave, knowing we might not be so lucky to find him the next time, so we decided on a compromise."

"Compromise? What type of compromise?" I asked quietly, afraid of what I would hear.

Esme rubbed my back gently. "Knowing that hunting was the only thing keeping our Edward going, we decided that he needed help. Alice and Jasper joined him, the first time."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I looked at Jasper before I could form words. "You joined him? I know he was crazy to go after her, but you all encouraged him to continue with his foolish plan, and then went _with_ him? You all could have been killed!" I looked at Alice, grabbing her hand, knowing that she might not be sitting here with me, if things had gone differently.

Jasper laughed. Loudly. "Bella," he began, "Victoria would have been no match for the three of us. _Hardly_." He scoffed. But then his expression grew tender. "But, we wanted to help Edward, keep him focused and safe. Like Esme said, he was sometimes only there in body. His spirit, his _heart_, he left behind with you. We knew he might act recklessly, and we couldn't lose the _both_ of you. So we joined him for three months."

Relief flooded through me. "Oh. Three months isn't so bad. So he only hunted her for three months? That's good." Being a vampire, I knew that Edward was strong, but the thought of him placing himself in intentional danger no matter how small the possibility had me tensing up. The thought of Alice going along with it made it hard to breathe.

Rosalie looked at me cautiously, as if she wasn't sure what to say next. "No, Bella." She shook her head lightly, her eyes hesitant. "He didn't just hunt Victoria for three months. That was how long Jasper and Alice stayed with him. _The first time._ Emmett and I took the next three months. On and off; three months on, and then three months off."

Understanding was beginning to seep into my mind, as the impact of what they were revealing to me came to a head. I dreaded asking the next question, but knew that there was no avoiding it. "How long did Edward…_all of you_ hunt Victoria? How long did it go on?"

The silence was excruciating. I was holding my breath, anxious for someone to answer me and knowing that the longer it took, the worse the answer might be.

"Well?" I demanded more bravely than I felt.

Esme looked at me tenderly, before cupping my cheek with her hand. "Eight years," she answered softly.

I jumped to my feet, wrenching my hand from Alice in the process. "Eight years? Edward and all of you stopped everything in your lives for _eight_ _years_? Why would you do that?" I was shrieking now.

Alice took my hand again, pulling me back toward the sofa. "Bella," she began, her eyes glimmering with unshed moisture. "We needed to keep you safe. We shouldn't have left you in the first place, but beyond that, it was important to Edward. It was important to all of us. We had no idea how much of a threat Victoria would be, and we couldn't risk Edward as well. We needed to do this – for the both of you." Her tone was somber, but adamant.

"Eight years?" I muttered to myself. I looked up, taking in every appearance of the individuals that sat in my humble living room. "What happened then?"

"Well," Esme replied, "Edward was with Rosalie and Emmett when they found her remains. When one of our kind is destroyed, the ashes carry their scent."

Rosalie fidgeted with her long hair, running her fingers through the ends. "The odd part is, Edward was relieved, but still angry. _He_ wanted to be the one that removed the threat. _He_ wanted to be the one that destroyed Victoria. When he recognized her scent, and realized that someone else had beaten him to it, he was relieved but furious. Of course," she continued, "now we know that _you'r_e the one that killed her. When Edward realized that, when we all realized it, that first night, when you told us, we couldn't believe it."

Alice spoke. "They missed you by hours, Bella. _Hours_." She shook her head from side to side, before Jasper knelt in front of her, embracing her, while sending out a particularly strong wave of comforting peace. "I think we didn't recognize your scent, because of the mix of your vampire fragrance mingled with it. To think that you were there, that we…" she trailed off.

My heart was melting, disgusted with how I had treated Edward, but there was one thought stuck in my head, and my mind again reached back to that night at the party, and all the terrible things that I had shouted at him.

"_If you loved me as much as you claim, you would have never left in the first place. Or at the very least, you would have come back and told me that you loved me. You would have proven it to me, but you didn't."_

"If he was so impossibly unhappy, why didn't he come back? Especially after he knew that Victoria was dead?" _Of course, by then, I was no longer in Forks._

The room suddenly went very quiet. I glanced at the four beautiful individuals surrounding me, sensing that another bombshell was about to be dropped in my lap.

Esme took a deep breath. "Bella," she began, "he _did_ come back."

Silence.

I looked at her, my eyes furrowed with complete confusion since my head refused to believe her words. "When?"

"About four years after he left you."

_No, that wasn't possible_, I tried to reassure myself_._ "Esme, I don't mean to disagree, but I think I would've remembered Edward coming back to Forks. I was still there, splitting my time between Charlie's and La Push. I never once saw Edward, not until that night in the registration hall." My heart was now heavy, thinking that all of this may have been a falsehood, crafted to bring us together, though my heart was hoping – strongly, fiercely filled with optimism, fighting for dominance over my traitorous doubtful mind.

"Alice, I think you should take over here," Esme directed, looking at her raven haired daughter.

I looked at my friend, desperate for answers.

"About four years after we left, I sat Edward down for another talk. We hadn't seen hide nor hair of Victoria, and he was beside himself with desperation. His loneliness was palpable, and the Edward I knew and loved was gone. I hadn't seen the real Edward in so long, and I knew that the only thing that would bring him any relief was going back to you. I finally convinced him that he would be better off _with_ you, protecting you in person, than trying to track this maniac that we couldn't find."

"He agreed to come back?" I whispered.

"Yes. When he finally gave in, I saw the first smile on his face in so long. I called the rest of the family, and we all agreed to meet in Seattle. Edward and I took the first flight we could get, and we talked the whole way there. He was _so_ excited to see you again. _You_ were all he could talk about. He didn't know how you would react after not seeing him in so long, but he couldn't wait to be in the same room with you. I felt, without a doubt, that you two would make up and everything would be as it should be. He told me he finally felt hope after so many years of feeling helpless. He finally started to relax, and traces of my brother were starting to rise to the surface. He just couldn't stop talking about you." She managed a weak smile.

"Before the plane landed, he made me promise to give the two of you a day or two to talk, to give the two of you some space, until you could work something out. I think he was hoping to just keep you all to himself for a bit, relishing the idea of being with you again, just holding you and begging you to forgive him. I had _no_ doubt that everything would work out, though I couldn't get a vision. I just assumed that I'd been apart from you for too long, that I was no longer attuned to you."

"I promised him that I would give the both of you a little privacy, and as soon as the plane landed, he was off. He rented the fastest car that the agency had to offer, and he was gone. I waited for the rest of the family, and when everyone arrived, we headed back to the family home. We readied everything, knowing that Edward would bring you home to us in a matter of hours – at the most, a couple of days."

I sat there, hanging on her every word, barely acknowledging the tension building in my stomach. I was still human at this time, but I knew with absolute certainty that Edward hadn't come back for me. _Had he?_

Alice took a deep breath before she continued. "A day passed, and there was no phone call from Edward. We assumed that no news was good news, so we let it go. After the second day came and there was still no contact, my patience got the better of me. I went to our room," she looked at Jasper, squeezing his hand, "and I decided to open myself up to a vision, willing to force one if I had to."

I whispered, "What did you see?"

She turned to me, her free hand caressing my arm. "The vision was heartbreaking. I could see Edward in your room, but he was alone. He was miserable, curled up on your bed, his whole body wracked with grief. The image was so clear, so concrete, that I knew it was going to happen – I knew that it had already begun and was simply continuing. The only thing I couldn't decipher was that he was holding something. Something white, but I couldn't make out what it was. He was clutching onto whatever it was for dear life."

Realization was starting to dawn on me, but I shook it off, hoping that it couldn't be what I thought it was. _It just couldn't be._

"What did you do?" I asked barely audibly as the tension in my stomach turned to fiercely cramping pain.

"Well," she paused, while she tried to make eye contact with me, "I gathered the family and we all headed off to your house, desperate to find out what had happened, and, of course, to help Edward. I hadn't seen him that bad since he left you four years earlier."

"And?" It was all I could muster.

Alice's doe eyes lifted toward the ceiling, while she inhaled an unnecessary breath. "When we got there, I jumped up to your old window when I saw that it was open. Edward was lying on your bed, just as he had been in my vision."

"_Edward?"_

He didn't move, so I tried again.

"_Edward, what's happened? Where's Bella? Nothing happened to her, did it?"_

"He turned to look at me, while the rest of the family filed into the house, some using the window, while Esme and Rosalie used the key from the eave that I told them about. Edward wasn't moving, so I moved closer to him, trying to figure out what had happened when I realized what he was holding."

_Oh please, no…_ "What was he holding, Alice?" My voice was flat, certain of what her response would be.

Her words hit me like Emmett tackling me, though they were hushed. "_Your wedding gown."_

It wasn't possible. How could fate, or whatever you want to call it, be that cruel? True, I loved Jacob. I still loved Jacob, but what I'd had with Edward had been so different.

He'd been my true soul mate, the one I should have been with. I'd moved to Forks, and if Edward hadn't been there, my life would have ultimately been with Jacob. Without seven vampires living across the boundary line, chances are that Jacob wouldn't have become a werewolf, so he wouldn't have imprinted. We would be together, having more children and having the life we were _supposed_ to have.

But Edward _was_ there, and we had fallen in love; of that I was now certain. There was no more doubt. And then he left, only to return _after_ I'd married Jacob.

_This whole thing was a mess._

I pulled myself from my thoughts, looking at Alice, who had stopped speaking. "What happened next, Alice? I have to know."

"Well, Jasper left, to try and figure out what had happened, to give us a timeline, to really confirm that you'd gotten married. He returned about an hour later, telling me that you'd married only a few days before, and that Charlie had left with Billy Black to go fishing for a few days, to celebrate the wedding and all. Every one of us tried to coax Edward into leaving your room, knowing that Charlie would be coming home in a day or so, but he refused. When anyone got too close, he growled and snapped at them, but he never spoke a word Bella. He wouldn't let go of your dress -- he clutched it tight against his chest. It must have smelled like you. He didn't want to let it go."

I nodded my head, not eager to fill in the missing details, but my mouth was working on its own. "In all the commotion, I'd left my suitcase at the house. Before we took off for our honeymoon." My mind floated to memories of the past, remembering the details of the day and my embarrassment in confessing to Jake that we had to make a detour back to my dad's house to retrieve it. "And when we got there, I thought it would be easier for me to just change before the flight. We left my gown there, knowing we could pick it up later."

Alice nodded slowly. "We all took turns talking to Edward, trying to remind him that this was what he wanted for you. That above everything else, you must finally be happy."

"We weren't making any progress. Edward wouldn't listen to any of us. I felt immense guilty, knowing that my nagging had brought him back to this," Alice choked out. "After a day, Jasper left again, desperate to get a better fix on when Charlie would be coming home. He returned in a flash, telling us that Charlie was due home that day. Carlisle finally took over. I'll never forget what he told him."

"_Edward, son, it's time to go. If nothing else, Victoria is still out there, and your Bella might still be in danger. I know that you're hurting terribly right now, but Charlie will be coming home any minute. You have to let her go now. I know that you'll always hold her in your heart, but it's time to let her go. She's married, and you have to do the only thing you can for her. You have to keep her safe. We'll keep helping you, and with time, it will get better. But it's time. We have to go."_

I sat there, knowing that it wasn't over and realizing that I didn't want to hear anymore, but my heart made me sit and suffer. As much as I had suffered, so had Edward. No, he had suffered more. So much more. I nodded at Alice, eager for her to finish this.

"Well, Edward finally looked up at Carlisle, and nodded. He stood up, but Emmett had to help him. Before he would release your wedding gown so I could go downstairs and iron out all the wrinkles, he held it one last time, breathing in your freesia scent, his eyes filling with tears. I'd never seen my brother cry before, Bella. No once in more than sixty years."

I felt my eyes start to fill and burn and squeezed Alice's hand harder, knowing that she still had more to tell me. "Please go on," I begged.

"He started toward the window, looking like he was about to jump down, when he fell to the floor. Carlisle rushed to him and picked him up in his arms, before they left your room. Edward took one last look around, memorizing every detail of that space, before he started to sob in our father's arms. Carlisle cradled him like a baby, flying down Charlie's staircase, before we rushed him off in the Mercedes. We flew back to the East coast after that. He didn't come out of his room for a few days, until he was ready to go back on the road to track Victoria. That was the only thing he had left. He was absolute in his resolve to keep you_ safe_."

I sat there when she finished, unsure of what to say or do, though my mind was filled with questions. "What happened to Edward, after you found Victoria's ashes?"

"Well, we all returned home," Rosalie responded. "Edward was useless. He had no drive, no focus. He stopped playing the piano."

_Stopped playing the piano?_ "But he played that first night, at your house," I argued meekly.

"That was the first time in more than ten years that he's played, and it was only because you were there. When you were gone, it was too painful for him. He never told me that, but I knew that he couldn't bear to play music with you no longer part of his life," Esme explained.

"And he wouldn't let _anyone_ sit in the Volvo. It hadn't been opened in nearly eight years. He'd had Rosalie seal the windows and any type of vent, including the muffler, to ensure that your scent would cling to it as long as possible. He would sometimes sit in it for hours, looking at pictures of you, smelling your scent," Jasper explained.

"He has pictures of me?" I sobbed. _And that's why he still has the Volvo,_ my mind reasoned. This was becoming too much all at once.

"Yes. Not many, but he's made hundreds of copies, preserving every image digitally. He looks at them all the time, Bella." Alice explained sadly. "They help him feel closer to you."

I couldn't respond, as the pain in my heart threatened to explode. The funny thing was that the hole that felt like it was starting to close continued to get smaller and smaller. I simply nodded. My emotions were on a huge pendulum swinging from joy and hope over to sorrow and despair as each statement clarified truth for me. I was both eagerly anticipating and tensely dreading what they would tell me next.

"And the day that the Volvo finally lost your scent," Esme's voice broke, but she swallowed and went on, a determined look on her kind face, "he locked himself in the car for days. We almost had to break the window to get him out. He didn't speak for almost two months after that. We had to drag him out to hunt and he flat out _refused_ to do anything. He wouldn't go to school, wouldn't buy new music, wouldn't read…nothing gave him any pleasure."

"That's when he started to run away," Rosalie explained.

"Run away?" I questioned. _Is there no end to this?_

"With no distraction, he couldn't bear to be in a house with three mated couples, even if he wouldn't admit it. He ran away twice, the second time for almost four months before we split up, desperate to find him. When we did, he looked nothing like the Edward we knew. He was caked with dirt and looked more like a wild animal than my son. It was then that we made him promise to never do it again," Esme painfully recounted.

I released Alice's hand, leaning forward to Jasper, who was looking at me intently. "Jasper," I barely spit out, "I need you to _show_ me again. How did he feel this time, when he realized that I had moved on? How did he feel when he was in my old room? Please?" I begged.

"Bella, I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with that idea or if you can handle it. It was much more intense than when he left you the first time. Are you sure?"

_I nodded, knowing that I needed to know everything._ _I needed to feel what he felt_. "I'm sure."

Jasper nodded once, before he sat back. The pain ripped through me, the feelings of emptiness were so intense that I couldn't mentally process anything. This was unbearable; the only description coming to mind was how much_ worse_ it felt than the first round.

Time ceased to move, the seconds feeling like days. I didn't fight the feeling, though my whole body screamed for it to stop. Instead, I forced myself to sit and soak it in for a time. My body slumped to the floor. Jasper caught me and gently sat me on the rug, before easing back on the flood of emotions. When it finally subsided, I found I was rocking back and forth, my arms tightly wrapped around my middle, the echo of the pain and loneliness still ricocheting through my system.

My mind focused with perfect clarity when I realized that Edward had dealt with type of pain for goodness knows how long, and I felt my razor sharp teeth nibbling on my lower lip.

"Jasper, I have only one more thing to ask. How did he feel that night in the registration hall, when he saw me for the first time? Can you _show_ me that?"

"Of course, Bella." He looked at me, the corners of his mouth starting to turn upward. That gave me a little hope. The feeling was entirely different. Light, airy, joyous, relief, happiness and most importantly, the feeling of loneliness and emptiness was no more. What I didn't understand was the heavy twinge of _guilt_ mixed in with the joy. What I did know was that it was in complete opposition to what I'd felt only a few minutes earlier.

Jasper's smile broadened. "And Bella, do you remember that first night how you brought us to your office, and you nearly dropped your keys, before Edward caught and returned them to you?"

"Of course," I replied, using Jasper's vernacular. _Where was he going with this?_

"_This_ is how he felt when he touched you, for the first time in ten years."

The feeling intensified making what I'd just experienced pale in comparison. I felt like I was on top of the world, that everything was right again. I felt euphoric. _This is how Edward felt? He had this type of feeling by simply brushing my hand to return a set of keys to me?_

Jasper took my hand once more. "And _this_ is how he felt when he kissed you a month ago."

The feeling was beyond words. It was the purest sense of joy I had ever experienced. The only thing that came close was how I felt the very first time I held Grace in my arms. I understood, finally, how Edward truly felt about me. He _had_ loved me, always loved me, and the ice around my heart finally melted, knowing that I hadn't imagined a minute of it. That this amazing man had always been a part of my life, even when I couldn't see him; that he'd never given up on me even when I'd given up on him.

Comprehension flooded me. I was tied to Edward with my love, just as tightly as he was tied to me. Even though I had fallen in love with Edward when I was still human, the feeling had never gone away. Even after I married Jacob, it was still there, hidden away in my heart. Now that I was a vampire, that feeling had intensified, forever changing me. I hung my head in shame, only to feel Jasper send out a soothing wave of calm.

"Thank you, Jasper. I think we all needed that." I smiled at him, grateful for the relief.

Each member of the family looked at each other, their looks betraying that same nervousness that I had seen around me since that fateful day earlier in the fall. "Since we're all being honest, can someone please tell me why you all have this look of panic and anxiety on your face? I've noticed this before and it's driving me crazy that something _else_ is being kept from me. Will someone please clue me in?"

I looked at each and every member that sat there. No one was willing to offer anything, so I sat there, my stubbornness willing me to stay quiet, hoping that the silence would work to my advantage. It paid off.

"Bella," Jasper began, "we know about your blocking ability with what you told us about Jacob and the fact that Edward was _never_ able to read your thoughts. Do you have any idea how powerful your gift is?"

I looked back at him unsure of how to answer. "Well, it's like I said. I can block some things and allow others. Of course, there's the invisible shield. What makes you ask?"

Jasper looked at me, his eyes full of something I couldn't pinpoint. "I _know_ that you can feel when I manipulate your emotions. I've seen it clearly across your face when I send out a wave of calm or joy, or whatever is needed at the time. Can you block me?"

I fidgeted in my seat. "I can." I answered with a hushed tone.

"_I know you can too_." He laughed lightly, while my eyes widened in surprise. "That first night, I couldn't sense anything from you. I've _never_ come across anyone with that level of ability before. Do you have any idea what else you've been doing since we found you again?" he asked me pointedly.

"No, Jasper. What have I been doing?" My stomached tightened with fear, wondering if I'd done something to offend them all.

Alice squeezed my hand, and I turned to face her. Her face was determined, but her eyes held fear. I braced myself for what she was about to say. "Bella, I haven't been able to get a vision involving you since September. _Not one_. If you were part of it, whatever it was, I couldn't _see_ a thing. I had no idea that the police officer was coming when we went dress shopping. I couldn't see what was going to happen every time you and Edward were together. I had _no_ idea what would happen that night of the cocktail party. It's been terrifying to be blind, especially when it comes to you. Did you have any idea that you were blocking my visions of you as well?"

"Alice! I swear! I had no idea. But it makes sense, now that I think about it. I'm so sorry. I hate that you were worried or scared. Please forgive me."

Alice smiled softly. "Bella, I'm not angry. Just concerned. I'm relieved that you weren't blocking me on purpose. Do you know how to turn it off? Do you know how to control your gift?"

I nodded, while I mentally looked for that switch, doing my best to turn it down. I closed my eyes, willing my body to calm itself. When I realized it wasn't working, I looked to Jasper. "A little help, please?" I asked.

Jasper looked at me with rampant confusion. "Help?"

I slightly rolled my eyes, realizing that I hadn't explained enough. "Jasper, the one thing that I do realize with most of my powers is that they are usually fueled by my emotions. I actively allow you to calm and comfort me. Could you send me a particularly strong wave of calmness? It might help me ease off my gift. Would you do that for me? Please?" I asked, hoping that he would be responsive to the idea.

Jasper smiled and soon I was hit with a potent blast of peaceful serenity. His smile broadened, as I eased back into the cushions of my couch. The last time I had felt something this strong, I was still human and we were all waiting at the hotel. Jasper had tried to put me to sleep then. I was lost in my memories for a moment, until I realized what I needed to do.

I focused my efforts on the switch, willing it to dial it down, until I could feel it was at an acceptable level. I opened my eyes quickly, pleased with my efforts, until I felt Alice's hand slip from my grasp and she nearly hit the floor, before Jasper caught her in his strong arms.

"Alice!" Jasper roared.

He calmly turned her toward him, holding her close to his chest, while he mumbled tender words of encouragement in her ear. She was clearly having a vision, and from the looks of it, a rather strong one. She finally came to, her eyes clearing, before she looked up at her adoring mate, who was obviously feral with worry. "Jasper?" she eked out.

"Thank goodness you're alright." He clutched her tighter to his chest, his lips in her hair. After he was sure they were both okay, he gently released her, setting her gingerly on the ground. "What did you see?" He asked searching her eyes for understanding.

She looked at him, and then back at me. "I saw a vision of Bella's future. Or rather, a lack of her future. I finally got something, but it was sketchy."

I grabbed her hand, anxious for her insight. "Alice, whatever it is, please tell me. What did you see?"

This time I sat on the couch, and Jasper helped her up so she could sit next to me again. "Bella, I saw you. Nothing else. I saw you working, coming home, continuing with your life." I gasped, before she hurriedly rushed to reassure me. "What I mean, Bella, is that Edward hasn't made a decision yet. Actually, he thinks that you're lost to him _forever_, which would explain why you're alone. When he finds out _differently_, the vision will change. You know that my visions shift in relation to choices. I'm just so relieved to _see_ you again."

"Where is he? I need to go to him, find him, talk this entire thing out." I bit my bottom lip again, hoping for some distraction to the feeling of panic that was rising in my stomach. "I need to apologize and beg him to forgive me. I have to fix this." I looked at Esme, before rushing from the couch, hurrying to gather my purse and keys.

Esme sighed. "He's gone, Bella."

I nearly hit the floor, realizing what those words meant. I finally found out everything, only to discover that I was too late. _Again._ I turned to look at them. "Gone?" I choked out. "Where did he go? Did he run again?" My poor heart turned to ice, as understanding of my actions hit me hard.

_I__ had chased him away._

Esme let out a tiny sigh. "Bella, he isn't gone _forever_. Carlisle couldn't stand to watch him suffering, so he insisted on Edward accompanying him to do some business, to take care of some of our affairs. Emmett went with them, but I'm not certain as to when they'll be back. But he _is _coming back."

My relief was evident, as the breath I had been holding came out in one long whoosh.

"When will you know?" My eyes were wild with the need to see him.

Esme rushed to my side, embracing me in a hug, before whispering in my ear, "Carlisle promised to call me, as soon as he knew. As soon as he contacts me, you'll be the first phone call that I make." She placed a tiny silver cell phone in my hand. "Unless you would like to call him now?"

I looked at the cell phone longingly, fighting the urge to give in and just hear his voice. I shook my head at the prospect. "No thank you, Esme. As much as I _want_ to hear his voice right now, as much as I _need_ to hear it, I have to sort out _everything_ that I've learned about today. I need to talk to him in person." She nodded her approval before I added, "I just hope that I'm not too late."

Esme held me at arm's length, before she smiled at me broadly. "Bella darling, I can guarantee that you're not too late. When he does come home, he'll be thrilled to see you. It will be a happy homecoming now, I'm certain."

I nodded at her gratefully, while my gaze shifted to the floor. I wanted to believe her, but remembering the awful things that I'd said to Edward in the forest, my heart wasn't confident. My only hope was that the patience I had perfected over the past couple of years would see me through until he got home.

I wasn't sure of what I would say, save one thing. I just hoped that the promise he made to me the last time he spoke was the truth. I knew what I needed now, and I had every intention of reaching out and grabbing it. The time for loneliness and pain was past, of just trying to exist was over.

_It was time to live._


	47. Chapter 46: You Belong To Me

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

The one song that I play over and over while I write these chapters..."Whatever It Takes" by Lifehouse.

_Author's Note: First and foremost, thank you for your votes. I was up against some very tough competition, including my good friend Ferrin Landry who won in another category, but I'm pleased to report that I WON for the Violent Delights award! Thank you for the votes, and believing in my story. Thanks also to the Denali Coven website for sponsoring the contest -- they reported than 10's of 1,000's of votes were cast...overwhelming!_

_Thanks to grumpy grizzly who continues to listen to me whine and bounce ideas off of her...she's my backbone!_

_Also, thanks, as always, to heartbroken1 and Mandi1...good friends, who are also winners in the Denali Coven fanfiction contest. Congrats to all the winners, including my good friend, vjgm and blondie AKA robin...all well-deserved!_

_Many of you have complained "When are they getting back together?" Sorry to make you wait so long -- here it is! **THE** CHAPTER - bring on the fluff!_

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 46: You Belong To Me

Edward's POV

The flight home was uneventful. Carlisle, Emmett and I finished our business, and then hurried toward home since my father and brother were anxious to get back and see their spouses. On most levels I knew that I couldn't give in to the pain of my broken heart and shut down entirely, but after expending so much effort to function the past few days, I succumbed and gave in to my feelings.

We drove in relative silence with them up front; I was curled into a ball in the back of the car. Since losing Bella for a second time, nothing brought me comfort. My mind kept going back to the night of the party and the terrible fight that we had kept replaying itself in my thoughts like a dreadful movie.

"…_Where do we go from here?"_

"_No where. This can't work – not now, not ever."_

My mind went through each nuance of that kiss, and my heart shattered all over again. I would _never_ forget how it felt to touch her, to kiss her, to have my hands laced through her hair when we connected. Her full lips were so soft and inviting, and my hand found its way to my mouth, remembering the feeling. I groaned quietly, knowing that I would never get to have that feeling again and curled in tighter against myself, the side of my face pressed against the leather backseat of the Mercedes. My father's and brother's thoughts were full of longing to see their wives as well as grief for me. I did my best to block them out.

The drive from the airport was long and tedious, and I longed for it to be over. I knew once I got home, I would need to suck it up and go through the motions to greet my mother and siblings, and then I could be alone. I could just sit on the floor in my room, looking at pictures of Bella and wonder about what _could_ have been. _I'd_ messed things up, and would need to live with the consequences of my actions, possibly forever.

Before, when Bella was human, it was _almost_ tolerable, knowing that when her human body gave out, I would find a way to destroy myself, possibly provoking the Volturi, so I could run and find her in the next life. I'd hoped with every fiber of my being that Carlisle was correct in his assumption that we had souls, knowing that I could find her wherever she was. My only hope was that the Lord would grant me access to wherever she ended up, though my heart believed the only place she could be was heaven. I knew that I'd taken lives, but I hoped that giving up Bella to have her human life would be looked at with kindness.

Now that she would live forever, just like me, and my chance with her was over, my heart broke over and over again. This _was_ my fault. I should have stayed with her, loved her, and protected her. Protection was something our kind needed, even if Bella didn't understand that. We rarely came across others, but most of them were not "vegetarians" like my family, and so many couldn't be trusted, their animal instincts in complete control of their actions.

These were the same thoughts that I'd had over and over before, and that crushing pain that had been my constant companion, except for the two months where I'd been granted a reprieve when Bella was part of all of our lives, became all too real again. I shifted on the seat, searching in vain for some type of relief, but past experience telling me that the pain wouldn't lessen. Still, I knew that given time, I would acclimate to it again.

The sound of smooth pavement beneath the tires changed to the crunch of gravel as Carlisle's Mercedes began the final leg down the long drive toward my family's home. I sighed, knowing that my amnesty in staying alone in my room wouldn't be tolerated for long. That long before I was ready, my family would expect me to join them. I loved them, but the idea of trying to act normally for any substantial amount of time was beyond me.

I knew that Bella was physically only miles from us, and that I would probably never see her again. The thought made my chest constrict painfully, while I gripped the picture of her in my hand. In time, I hoped to act normally again, even if it was only that. _An act._ My family had been put through enough, and I thought again about how Alice and Jasper still hadn't returned to us, neither of them returning any of my phone calls.

_All my fault._

Bella had been right. This was all my fault. Leaving her. Her losing her life and her child. My family being torn apart. I was to blame for all of this and my many failures taunted me again. I only hoped that what my father, brother, and I had accomplished would be successful and earn me some type of salvation from my family, and more importantly, from Bella. I didn't do it so she would take me back, but I felt compelled to make amends somehow.

_I only prayed that it would actually happen._

There were too many variables, things that even my mind and careful planning couldn't account for. In addition to all of the unknowns, I had no idea how to tell Bella. She wasn't speaking to anyone in my family, which Esme informed us of when we called home. She had spoken with Alice, and my favorite sister relayed the information that Bella wasn't picking up her phone, nor could her house be approached. Whenever she was home, her shield was emanating from it, making physical proximity to her impossible.

Esme and Carlisle thought it best to give her some space, hoping that in time, she would allow us back into her life, though I had almost given up hope for that.

The sedan was making the familiar gentle curve toward one of the many garages when Emmett's thoughts and then his voice made me sit up. "Hey! What's Bella's car doing here?"

Before he finished the last word entirely, I was up and out of the car, breaking off the inside handle in my haste to exit the vehicle and pushing the door open so quickly and with so much force, that the interior hinges cracked with my haste in getting to _her_.

"Edward!" Carlisle reproached, his face flinching like he'd just heard fingernails being scraped down a chalkboard.

Ignoring him, knowing that I could fix it later, my mind was focused on only one thing – getting to Bella. I was sprinting toward the house when thoughts started to drift into my mind.

"_Hello, Edward_." I smiled with relief when I realized that it was Alice's sweet voice, greeting me happily, and her tone telling me unequivocally that she was back, and, I dared to hope, had forgiven me.

I heard Jasper in his study, once again organizing his massive book collection; his thoughts telling me that he was settling back into a routine.

I forced my legs to move faster, making quick work of the porch and bursting in through the front door, stopping to a halt when I nearly toppled my sister Rosalie who was eagerly running out the door to see Emmett. She placed a hand against my chest, not saying a word, but smiling at me encouragingly. I hugged her quickly, before heading for the stairs.

My feet carried me to the landing, when, suddenly, my chest started to constrict. Was Bella was just here to let me have it again? _What if…?_ I bent at the waist, my hands resting on my knees. My lungs were desperate for air, and I began taking large, greedy breaths, hoping to quell the tension. I was still doubled over when I saw my mother's feet, her gardening clogs on, tapping against her favorite Persian rug impatiently.

I rose to my full height and I saw the lines of worry on my face through my mother's eyes, her thoughts clearly demonstrating how I looked and felt. She reached a hand toward my forehead, tenderly brushing the hair from my eyes, when I heard her thoughts.

"_Bella's waiting for you in your room, Edward. Go on. She's been sitting there all day, anxiously awaiting your arrival. Don't make her wait any longer."_

I was desperate to know why Bella was here, but Esme began humming the song I had written for her so many years ago in her head, shutting me out, locking away any information away from my prying mind. She smiled at me as she headed out to see Carlisle before she went to her potting shed to take stock of the perennials she wanted to insulate before the snow started to fall in earnest.

I steadied myself, taking a deep breath, and with determination I wasn't sure I still possessed, headed for the stairs leading to the third floor.

With each step, the hope in my heart grew, but I couldn't fight the nagging doubt that lingered in my mind. Why was she here? I knew why _I_ wanted her to be here, but I wasn't sure of anything right now. The only way to find out was to go and face her.

_I had to know._

I reached the top of the staircase when I discovered the door slightly ajar, and I picked up her lovely scent. That wonderful aroma of freesias called to me, and I allowed myself to linger for a moment, remembering the first time I'd caught her appealing fragrance during that first meeting when my life was changed forever. I had finally found the one, the woman I never believed actually existed. I hadn't realized that I needed her so desperately. I thought for so many years that I was complete in myself, never understanding that the only reason I hadn't found someone to share my life with was due to the simple fact that she hadn't yet been born.

Moving back to Forks had changed all that. That fateful day in January was forever seared into my conscious thought as the day when my life changed immeasurably for the better. My only sliver of hope now was that there was some minute chance that all was not lost.

I gathered my courage and placed my hand flat against the door, pushing it forward, letting it swing open. Stepping in, my eyes instantly caught her sitting on the sofa, surrounded by the boxes that contained the hundreds of copies of the few photographs I had of Bella. I watched her hands raking over the tops of the pictures, and noticed the others scattered around her, resting on the cushions.

_How had she found those?_

My heart dropped, wondering how many other things she might have discovered. I didn't want her here out of guilt. I wanted her here because she loved me. I wanted her here because she was as desperate as I was to try again. Mostly, I wanted her here because she finally realized that she couldn't live without me anymore than I could live without her.

Her eyes were focused on a photograph, and it wasn't until the ancient hinges of the door made an almost inaudible squeak, that she looked up.

Her eyes were impossible to decipher, and again, I wished that _just this once_ I could hear her thoughts. She put the photograph she was holding next to her before she looked back up at me. Her brow furrowed, and she looked like she didn't know what to say.

"Bella?" It came out like a question, but I hoped she understood that I didn't know what else to say. I stood in the doorway, refusing to move, until I had some inkling of why she was here. I willed my body to stop any type of movement, even halting my breath, knowing that I would stay here forever, until she was ready.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, her beautiful voice so soft and full of confusion.

I didn't know how to respond. My heart was about to burst wondering why she was here. I shook my head at her, my voice unable to answer her question.

She took a deep breath, and I waited. "Edward," she began, so quietly, so timidly, that I wondered if she would say another word, but then she took another shallow breath. "Did you really mean it when you said if I needed you, you'd be there?"

I finally nodded before I could garner enough strength to speak. "Yes. I meant every word." My chest was expanding, the constant ache that I experienced when I wasn't with her starting to ease, while my heart began to hope. I thought my heart and lungs might actually explode with anticipation.

"I know what I need now." Her forehead was creased with apprehension, but her beautiful eyes were full of determination.

I thought to myself…_please say me._ Instead, I cleared my throat, before I spoke to her with as much strength as I could muster, knowing that whatever it was, I'd do it, even if it hurt me more. "Bella, I meant what I said. If I can give it to you, whatever it is, it's yours. Just tell me." I took one more deep steadying breath before adding, "What do you need?"

She blinked, her face marked in what appeared to be pain or relief, I couldn't be sure, before she spoke. "_I need you._"

She jumped from the couch, running toward me, eliminating any space between us. Her knees bent slightly before her feet left the floor, sending her into my surprised but willing embrace. Her arms wrapped tightly around my neck, while her legs locked around my waist. She began to sob into the crook of my neck, her grip on me tightening. "I need you, Edward. I've _always_ needed you."

I hugged her back, my eyes closing while I basked in the moment, thrilled that I was holding her, wishing this moment would never end.

My fingers found their way to her hair and I pulled her as tightly as I could to me, feeling complete in our union, but wondering if I had truly heard her correctly. "Bella, I'm right here. What's wrong? What exactly do you need?" _I needed to hear it again_.

She slowly loosened her grip from around my neck, while my hands found their way to her waist. She slid down my body, the friction of her touch illuminating the deepest part of my soul. I helped her feet find their way to the floor. She looked up at me, a tiny smile appearing on her beautiful lips. "I need you, Edward. Just you."

I couldn't help myself, and pulled her back into my embrace. I was holding on to her for support as much as I was offering it. Her arms wrapped around my waist and I cupped the back of her head, placing a small kiss in the crown of her mahogany hair. A shockwave of heat pounded through me, making me feel complete. The ache in my heart was gone, replaced by genuine joy. I had no idea what had brought this on, but whatever it was, I would forever be immensely grateful. The feelings of relief were overwhelming, surpassing every other thought, as my every sense soaked in how she felt in my arms. For the first time I _truly_ let my heart feel hope – that this time was for keeps and that she would stay forever.

Her body began to shake against mine so I wrapped my arms tighter around her, trying to shield her from whatever was upsetting her at this moment. "Bella love, it's okay. What's the matter?" Her relieved demeanor from only a moment ago had been replaced with one of anxiety, and I'd be damned if whatever was bothering her was going to ruin this for _us. _For just a moment, I let myself bask in that word – _us._

"I've been so stupid, so ridiculously pigheaded…" she trailed off. I lifted her chin with my finger, wanting to see her beautiful face. She grabbed my hand in hers, kissing my knuckles, each new touch rendering me paralyzed from the pleasure of her lips on me. "I am _so_ sorry about the fight the night of the party. I never wanted to hurt you." She took in a deep breath, her eyes never breaking contact with me. "_None_ of this is your fault -- none of it. You warned me over and over, but I made the conscious decision to be with you -- and I wouldn't trade a moment of it for anything. Not now, not ever!"

"Bella, you _were_ right. I'm so sorry. I…"

She silenced me, placing her fingertips over my mouth. "Edward, I need you to do something for me."

"Just like I said, whatever you need, it's yours." I would do _anything_ she asked at this point.

"Kiss me, Edward." She managed a weak smile. "I promise to not run away this time."

_Kiss her?_ I didn't need an engraved invitation. Ever since I'd left her, my mind had continually thought of kissing her again. I had imagined ways that I would kiss her, if given another chance. My photographic mind sifted quickly through scenarios that had been burned in my memory of how this would feel, knowing the experience would be extraordinary, a blessing I so desperately wanted.

My hand cupped her cheek, while my thumb grazed her skin, the feeling of it so soft and inviting. I locked eyes with her getting lost in those beautiful topaz irises full of a burning desire that I could hardly believe was meant for me. Knowing that I couldn't read her thoughts, I made a mental note to begin to work on learning the little nuances that made up my Bella. _My Bella_. I closed my eyes, leaning my forehead against hers, taking a split second to allow myself to sink into the idea that she chose to be here, _with me_, and, more importantly, I was about to kiss her at her request.

Not willing to waste another moment, my head bent toward hers, and our lips touched, the feeling indescribable. She wrapped her arms around my neck, every touch from her releasing tiny explosions of heat and passion. I wasn't about to over analyze _why _it was happening right now. Her lips grew more urgent against mine so I moved an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me. There was no doubting it now. She was kissing me back, the rough edge of her lips making me want to pin her to the wall, taking hours to _show_ her how much I loved her. But I resisted because I wanted to go slowly, to savor every moment that I had with her.

The house below us was beginning to come to life. My family was about to intrude on our perfect moment. Their thoughts were well meaning, but about to ruin this glorious reunion.

We could both hear Emmett bellow from the first floor, "Hey you two -- get a room!" He chuckled, loudly, clearly pleased with himself at his clever humor.

Alice was cheering enthusiastically from Jasper's study. We both heard her take the staircase from the basement at breakneck speed, her thoughts telling me that she was on her way to our room to congratulate us in person. She was eager to see the both of us – _together._ From the look on Bella's face, she instinctively knew that her friend was on her way up too and she shifted her body to look behind me through the open door. She expected to see Alice appear on the landing outside my room at any moment.

_She suddenly looked self-conscious._

"We _need_ to be alone. I love your family, but we need to talk where there's no one around to hear. Can we please get out of here?" Bella pleaded.

I looked at the beseeching in Bella's eyes, and I knew I wouldn't deny her. "Forgive me."

"For what?" she asked, her brow narrowed with curiosity, her head slightly twisting to the side, pulling back from me in apprehension.

"For this." I released her from my intimate embrace and gripped her delicate wrist in my hand pivoting her before reaching behind her knees, and hoisting her over my shoulder. She gasped, before a small laugh escaped her. My heart melted with the sound.

With Bella securely in my arms, I left the confines of my room, meeting Emmett and Rosalie on the way down. "Where's the fire, Edward?" Emmett chuckled. As much as I loved my brother, I shot him a "not now" look, silencing him. Rosalie smiled at the both of us and tugged her husband's hand, leading him toward their room.

I hit the main floor where we finally caught up with Alice. I hadn't seen her look this happy in so long, but before she started to say something, I looked at her, my eyes begging her to understand that I _needed_ to be alone with Bella, if only for a while. The slight smile on her face told me she understood and she simply said, "Call me." Her voice was happy, upbeat and slightly breathless, if not a bit impatient. She waved goodbye to the both of us.

"_We_ will," Bella answered for the both of us, as another giggle burst forth from her. I tightened my hold on her, quickly grabbing my keys from the basket on the front entryway table. I was out the door popping the locks on the Volvo before I placed her gingerly inside and strapped on her seat belt. I looked her in the eye, wanting to just gaze at the love reflected in her eyes for hours.

"I could have walked down myself, you know," she said, feigning a pout.

I ached to kiss those lips again, but waited, knowing that we still had a long night ahead of us. "Not quickly enough, love," I teased.

I ran to the other side of the car, hopping in before turning over the engine. I made a wide turn in the gravel driveway, throwing the engine into gear, the tires peeling out, gravel spitting in every direction. Esme would kill me for that later, but it was well worth it. I would have burned the house to the ground right now, if it meant a chance to be with Bella.

We drove in silence for a few minutes, before I reached over, and took her hand. When my fingers grazed over hers, she grabbed mine with one, covering both with her other. "Where to?" I asked her, realizing that we hadn't made any type of concrete plans. I forced myself to focus, knowing that her touch was sending me into overdrive.

She began to nibble on her lower lip, and my proverbial heart nearly burst. She glanced at me sideways from beneath her long, dark lashes. She was clearly nervous. _This_ was the Bella I had fallen in love with. The clumsy, shy, beautiful creature sitting next to me – this was _my_ Bella of ten years ago. She was much stronger and more confident now, for which I was grateful. But her timid nervousness made me feel like the last decade hadn't happened. That neither of us had been miserable, that we hadn't both lost so much. I squeezed her hand lovingly, and she looked at me, a smile on her face. "My house?"

I nodded and continued to drive faster, taking the highway. I could have found the way to Bella's house blindfolded, but instead, I drove like a maniac, trying to get there as quickly as possible. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about, but given what she'd already shown me, I figured I would finally get to really talk to her and tell her everything. _Every painful detail_. I also secretly wished to hold her, kiss her, comfort her, but I knew that patience would be of utmost necessity tonight.

I saw the exit to her home, and glided the car toward it. _Home._ Bella never called her home that. She looked at it as a house, a place to hide when her day in the human world was done. I desperately wanted to change that. If given the chance, I would make it a home for the both of us. I wanted her to have everything that she'd lost, and that included a place where she could be herself. Of course, if things went well, my family would expect to see her, but I wasn't willing to share her yet.

I heard her sigh softly from her seat, as she continued to hold my hand, her gaze focused out the window. I saw the familiar dirt road leading to her beautiful cottage, the place where I would imagine her reading, listening to music, doing paperwork, and spending her time when I wasn't with her. The last three months, in retrospect had been some of the toughest for me since I left her in Forks. Knowing that she was just minutes away and that I couldn't spend every minute with her was, at times, maddening.

Bella's home came into sight, the porch light on, welcoming us to what I hoped was a new beginning. I pulled in as closely as I could get to the front, and quickly cut the engine. I sprinted to her door, grateful that she waited, and I helped her out. She hugged me tightly, and I nearly collapsed from her touch. "Come on. Let's go inside and talk. I have so many things I _need_ to share with you," she mumbled, her face tightly buried in my chest.

She looked up at me, and I traced her face with my finger, taking in every beautiful detail of her face. Her slightly upturned nose, her lovely almond shaped eyes, her mesmerizing full lips, which, in my opinion, were begging to be kissed. Her eyes closed at my touch, and I couldn't help myself. I leaned forward, and lightly kissed her mouth, her sweet breath sending shockwaves through my entire frame. She moaned slightly, and I deepened the kiss, hoping that she was enjoying it as much as I was.

Bella grabbed me by the hair so roughly that it _almost_ hurt, but I didn't care. She kissed me back fiercely, and I wrapped one hand around her waist. The other I used to lean against the car. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I needed the support. I now understood the term "weak in the knees". Being able to kiss her was truly a gift, and I wasn't about to waste it.

A light snow was starting to fall around us, and I reluctantly broke off the contact with her mouth, but before I pulled away completely, I kissed the tip of her nose. She laughed. Her laughter was like church bells, so familiar and warm. I took her by the hand, leading her to the porch. She handed me the keys from her pocket, and I let us in, flipping on the hall light. December days were so much shorter, and darkness was almost upon us.

Bella headed straight for the living room, making her way to the fireplace. "Allow me," I offered, and she did, making herself comfortable on the sofa, kicking off her shoes, and pulling her feet up under her.

Before long I had a fire going, and when I was satisfied that there was enough spare logs to keep it burning, I turned to look at her. We were here, and it was time to lay everything out there.

She shyly smiled at me, dipping her head, her long hair hiding her from me for a moment. I noticed the large painting in the corner, immediately recognizing the canvas that Esme had worked on for Bella for weeks—she had been planning to give it to her as a Christmas gift.

_Ah..._now I see.

Understanding flooded my conscious mind and I realized that my mother _must_ have intervened. I had _no_ idea how much she had shared with Bella, but remembering my mother's thoughts for the last few months since finding this angel, I was certain that the beautiful woman sitting mere feet from me must know everything by now. I looked back at my love, taking a step toward her.

She looked back up at me, patting the cushion next to her, welcoming me to her side. I wasted no time in joining her, the close proximity helping me to relax. As much as I wanted to, I didn't reach for her hand. "How? How did all this happen, Bella? Don't misunderstand me. I'm _so_ happy that it did, but I'm not exactly sure what happened while I was gone." I commented, grateful for my family, knowing they must have had _something_ to do with it.

Bella cocked one beautiful eyebrow, her eyes looking amused. She took my hand along with a giant breath. "Esme."

My suspicions confirmed, I squeezed her hand softly in response. "So Esme talked to you?"

"Yes, and Edward, she told me _everything_."

I squeezed her hand tighter, not certain my voice was going to cooperate. "_Everything_?" I felt the embarrassment begin to flood my very form, wondering exactly how much of _everything_ my mother had revealed.

Bella took her free hand, and reached for my face. My skin craved her touch, and my head leaned in for more, relishing every moment. "Yes, Edward. She, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper -- they came to my house a week ago and caught me up on what happened to you when you left Forks. When you left me. That and so many other things."

My heart dropped, especially when I saw the traces of pain on Bella's lovely face. "What _other_ things?" I asked, trying to establish what I was certain she already now knew.

"They told me about how much pain you were in. How you hurt as much as I did when you said goodbye."

I grabbed her hand, kissing her palm. "Bella, I _never_ wanted to hurt you! Never! I just thought that it was the only way. I'm so sorry. Please, please believe me. I…" She placed her index finger against my lips, quieting me. I took that same hand, and bent my head over it, my shame coming to the surface again.

"Edward, I know that -- _now._ And Jasper," she paused, and I looked up, to see the apprehension in her eyes.

"Jasper what?" _What did Jasper have to do with any of this?_

Bella took a giant breath. "Jasper helped me see things. He helped me understand how badly you were hurting."

"How, Bella? How did he do that?" I knew the answer, but I needed her to say it. I needed to confirm the idea that made my stomach twist with apprehension.

"He," she began quietly, "helped me _feel_ the pain you experienced." My eyes closed, my fears confirmed. "Edward, look at me," she quietly commanded.

I did just that, and the tenderness in her eyes was impossible to miss. "Edward, how did you do it? How did you feel like that and still function? You were in so much pain."

I shook my head. "I don't know, Bella. I just did. I only wanted you to be happy, to have the life I _couldn't_ give you. If something had happened to you, if I hadn't been quicker than Jasper," I paused, reliving that terrible moment again, "it would have been so much worse. I couldn't live in a world where you didn't exist. Not after being alone for so many years, finding you, falling in love with you."

Her eyes widened. "What exactly do you mean by that?'

I ran a hand through my hair, looking for just the right words to explain things to her. "Bella," I began softly, "once I found you, my life changed."

"Jasper told me that," she interjected, a small smile lighting up her face.

I couldn't help myself, and stole a small kiss from her lips, before caressing her forehead with another. "Once I found your love, I couldn't go back to how I'd existed before. You helped me feel alive again. You made me feel like a man, Bella. A real person. Not just some creature that passed through the days, like they held no meaning. _You_ gave them meaning, Bella."

She looked at me, quiet for a moment, before she inched closer to me on the sofa. My whole body ached to hold her in my arms. "Edward, I am so sorry. I thought I was the only one that was hurting, that when you left…" she stopped, unable to continue.

"Go ahead, Bella. Whatever you have to say, I deserve it. I _never_ should have left you, lied to you." I sat, quietly, waiting for her to say whatever she needed to.

"I just thought when you said goodbye that you meant it. I never wanted to lose you, but deep in my heart, I always thought that one day I would. It just never made sense for you to be with me. I just always knew that I wasn't enough – that I didn't have anything to offer you – to hold on to you." Her head dropped to her chest, and I could see her take in several deep breaths, trying to keep her emotions under control.

"_Enough_? Bella, you _are_ more than enough – more than I ever deserved." I stroked her hair with my hand, until she looked back up at me. "Bella, when I left you, it was like all the light in my life vanished." I stopped, pausing before I asked my next question, dreading the answer. "Bella, you said that Esme told you everything. What else did she tell you? I asked again, looking for more details.

She bit her lower lip, and I reached out to brush the hair from her eyes, my fingers blazing with heat when they made contact with her skin. Even though Bella was no longer human, my body still instinctively responded when I touched her. My love for her _was _real. It hadn't been a figment of my imagination, though my mind tried to tell me that all the years that I barely existed without her. I pondered on this, looking at her beautiful face, not knowing how much longer I could sit there, and _not _pull her into my arms.

"Can you be just a little more specific?" I asked quietly, not really wanting to be reminded of all the painful details but compelled to understand what reopened her heart to me.

"Well, she told me about how you had a," she paused, looking anywhere but me, as if she was trying to find the right word, "_difficult_ time when you left Forks. She told me that you hunted Victoria for eight years. Eight years, Edward! I just can't fathom that."

_Difficult?_ I wasn't about to correct her, but I wondered about the exact wording that Esme used. "It _wasn't_ easy. But at the time I thought it was what needed to happen. After your birthday party, I truly thought that it was time. I had kept you from your human life long enough, and even though I loved you more than anyone else in this world, I _had_ to let you go. I couldn't see another alternative," I began, when I saw her beautiful mouth open, as if she had something to say. "Bella, please let me finish."

She crossed her arms across her chest, something that I used to daydream about when we weren't together. The need to touch her was becoming overwhelming, but I settled for peeling one of her hands away, taking it in mine. "Bella love," I began, taking a giant breath and focusing my entire being on her, "now I know this was a terrible mistake. I _never_ should have left you. We hunted Victoria because you deserved your human life, and not one of us was willing to just sit there and let her have you. And for what? All the times that you and I fought about your mortality were for nothing."

"Edward," she began again.

"Please." I said more forcefully than I intended to.

She looked at me, her lips forming a tight line, but her eyes were warm. "Fine. I'll try _not_ to interrupt."

I managed a weak smile, but continued. "The fact that you went on after I left was devastating to me, but it _is_ what I wanted for you." I felt my jaw clench and then clarified. "All right. Maybe it's not what I _really_ wanted, but I'm still grateful you had your human life. Maybe things didn't go the way I had hoped, but I'm still grateful that you had the time that you did. I'm just sorry that it was tinged with so much sadness and loss. The fact that you lost your father, Jacob, Grace," I paused, gripping her hand tighter in mine, "breaks my heart. I just wish there was some way that I could give any of that back to you. I would do _anything_ to make you happy."

She looked at me curiously, as if she didn't quite understand what I was trying to say. Before I could clarify, she put her hand over my mouth, silencing me. "Edward, I did have my life – the human life that you wanted for me. If you'd never been in Forks, my life would have been with Jacob. But you were there. I'm not sure if you understand, but Jacob and the pack _believe_ that they phased because your family lived so close to the reservation for so long. "

"What are you talking about? What does my family have to do with the pack aside from the treaty?"

She grasped my hand tighter, gathering it into both of hers, before she brought it to her cheek. My heart leapt from the contact. "Edward, with seven vampires living across the boundary line, Jacob and the pack believe that having all of you in such close proximity for a couple of years caused the werewolf gene to start the process -- for the first of them to start phasing. Sam was the first. He was alone for a couple of years before the others joined, including Jacob."

Guilt pierced me like a knife. "Bella, this is my fault. If we hadn't been there, this all would have ended differently for you."

She pursed her lips, cocking he eyebrows with impatience. "Edward, it's _my_ turn. Please let me finish."

I nodded, and quickly closed my mouth.

She managed a small smile. "You _were_ there, Edward. _All of you_. Fate or whatever you want to call it brought you all to Forks, and I moved there some time after. We met, we fell in love." She stopped, looking at me anxiously. "At least I did," she said softly.

I took her chin in my hand, not allowing her gaze to drift from mine. "Bella, I fell in love with you the first day I saw you, even if I didn't realize it at the time. I still love you --desperately," I added, hoping to drive my point home.

She smiled shyly and I couldn't stop myself this time. I leaned toward her, both hands on either side of her knees and caressed her mouth with mine. I lingered, savoring every incredible minute of affection – affection that I had been without for so long – _too_ _long_. Every kiss was like a gift, the contact infinitely better than I remembered it.

She pressed on my chest, gently breaking contact with me. I was disappointed, until I saw the confident smile on her lips. "Good. At least we agree on something," she smirked, "but I still have some things I need to say."

"If you'd never been in Forks, my life would have been with Jacob. It would have continued with him, and it's highly unlikely that he would have ever become a werewolf. The imprinting wouldn't have happened and we'd most likely still be together."

"But you _were_ there. Everything happened, and we can't take back any of it now. As much as I miss Grace, I'm here with you, now. Jacob is my past, Edward. _You_ are my future – the one that I want to spend," she paused, suddenly looking bashful, "_time_ with."

"You're editing," I countered.

She sighed. "You're right. It's just that I don't want to waste anymore time, Edward. I've lived this shell of an existence for the past three years. I can't go back and fix what's happened. None of us can. For some reason, I'm supposed to be here, and as much as parts of my life hurt, it doesn't mean that all of it has to. I'm not willing to settle for just surviving any longer."

"Anything else?" I casually argued while feeling elated at her words.

"Yes." She looked at me confidently, before adding, "I love you."

Time stood still for me. The three little words that I so desperately wanted to hear from Bella hung in the air, the reverberations striking my heart, making me feel truly alive for the first time in more than a decade. She sat there looking at me, her eyebrows lifting, as if she was waiting for something. I drifted back to reality and reached for her waist, pulling her toward me, placing another chaste kiss on her soft lips.

"I could get used to that," she teased, as she sat back on the sofa.

I tensed, when I noticed what she was doing. Her delicate fingers had found their way to her wedding ring, twisting it round and round. My eyes must have lingered on the sight for a bit longer than it should have before her right hand lifted to cradle my cheek. I managed a weak smile when I looked into her eyes and saw concern. "It's all right," I said, more to reassure myself than her.

"Edward, I don't understand. What's all right? And why do you suddenly look so upset?" Her eyes were flashing as they searched mine for understanding.

I was torn between telling her and just letting it go, but the newness in our second chance gave me the courage to be honest. My lies of the past had destroyed us the first time, and I wasn't willing to allow that to happen again. "I know that you still have feelings for Jacob."

Her brows knitted together. "Edward, what exactly are you talking about?" Her confusion was evident.

"Bella," my hands left her waist and reached for her hands, "I know that a part of you is still in love with Jacob. It's natural; he's the father of your child, and I'm willing to share you." The thought of sharing her with Jacob Black made my anger sprout forth, but if it meant having Bella in my life, I'd do it. I brought her hands to my mouth, kissing them tenderly, hoping that she would understand that I meant every word of it.

"Edward, I do love Jacob. After everything he did for me, and the fact that he continues to love and raise our daughter, of course I love him. I would have _never_ married him if I hadn't. He's doing something that I can't do for Grace."

Hearing her actually say that she loved him made my stomach twist painfully, but I hoped in time that I could help her move past him. "I understand." My voice was flat, lifeless. My eyes lowered for a moment as I fought for control of the emotions flooding through me.

"Edward, talk to me. Why are you upset?" Her eyes clouded with puzzlement and hurt, and my desire to help her feel nothing but happiness took over.

"Bella, I'm comfortable with being patient – it's something that I've grown accustomed to. I know it's selfish, but I'm hoping that, in time, that you'll only love me." My desire to remove that ring from her finger increased, but I willed myself to stay calm, knowing that it might upset the delicate balance we'd finally achieved.

Bella got up from the sofa, and headed toward the fireplace. She picked up a rough log, carefully placing it atop the blaze, adjusting it with the poker. She brushed her hands against each other to remove the dust, before turning back to me. "Edward, I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I'm not willing to _share_ you with anyone. I said I _love_ Jacob, not that I'm in love with him."

I stood, taking a step toward her, when I observed that she was doing it again. She looked at me, her face so utterly beautiful, that I stopped in my tracks. Her eyes looked at me, and then down at her hands, as she followed the direction of my gaze. "Edward, what are you looking at? Tell me. This is never going to work if you can't be honest with me about how you're feeling."

I took another step toward her, and steadied myself, hoping that my voice would be calm. "Bella, I know that you might not think that you're in love with Jacob, but you keep doing something that tells me otherwise. It doesn't matter – not anymore. I'm just so grateful that you're here with me now. I couldn't care less that you still have feelings for your ex-husband," I fibbed, though part of my heart truly wanted to believe I could be that generous.

"Edward, I'm lost. Why don't you just spit it out?" she said, her tone exasperated.

"Your ring, Bella." I looked at her delicate hands, and her eyes followed the direction of my gaze. "Every time you think about Jacob, you twist that ring—_his_ ring on your finger. That night during the poetry session, you did the same thing when you read us your poem. I know that you were thinking of him, and I just want you to know that it's all right," I paused, taking another breath, "that I'm entirely at ease with it."

Bella's face showed two very distinct emotions: confusion and…_humor_? "Edward, are you talking about this ring?" She extended her hand toward me, her thumb making contact with the small, white gold band around her left finger. I nodded, unable to say another word.

Bella laughed, her face erupting with amusement. I didn't see anything the least bit comical about the situation. "Edward, what makes you think that this is Jacob's ring?"

"Who else's would it be?" I answered, my voice distinctly forming an edge of hardness to it.

"Oh, Edward." She sighed before rolling her eyes at me. "This _isn't_ Jacob's wedding ring. Far from it." She laughed again, clearly amused by whatever she was thinking about.

"Then whose is it?" I could feel my frustration growing, but I tried to suppress it.

"This," she said, pointing at the subject of this frustrating conversation, "is a prop. I learned a whole lot more from your family than just eating habits back in Forks."

"What?" My confusion was eating at me.

"Edward," she said, as she came close to where I was standing, "when I settled here, I didn't want people asking questions about my past. I also didn't want unsolicited attention from men, so I stopped at a pawn shop and bought a simple band. When anyone would ask, I'd tell them I was a widow, which normally stops people in their tracks. No one wants to ask someone who's lost a loved one about something painful. It _normally_ keeps people's curiosity at bay. As for me twisting it from time to time, I guess it's a nervous habit. I always live with a bit of anxiety that someone will learn too much about me.

"My rings from Jacob were left back in Forks. When I left the reservation and filed for divorce, I took them off and saved them in my jewelry box. I kept them for Grace, so that one day she'll know that her mother and father loved each other very much when she was conceived – that she wasn't a mistake."

As the revelation of what she said sunk in, I asked her one more question. "So, that ring has little to no significance to you. Is that what you're telling me?" _That_ ring had been the bane of my existence for the past three months. Well, that and a whole lot of other things.

She looked at me, her eyes narrowed, but full of amusement. "This ring is nothing more than a deterrent to anyone_ other_ than you. Why?"

"May I?' I extended my hand toward hers.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was more than a bit hesitant now.

"Well, since we're all about seizing the moment now, I'd like a fresh start." I reached toward her small fingers, and gently slid the ring from her ring finger, knowing that I would eventually replace it with one of my own, when she'd let me. "Do you need this anymore?" _Please say no…_

She looked at me, her shyness reappearing. "Well, now that you're here, no. Why?"

I wasted no time, taking the flimsy band and crushing it in my grasp, the delicate circle becoming a small, twisted ball of metal, until the intensity of my grip flattened the object. I opened my hand, showing her what I'd done. The poor piece of metal was now no more than an impression of my strong fingers.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Edward, you didn't need to go to such extremes."

I kissed her forehead, letting my lips linger on her beautiful skin. "You have _no_ idea how much that particular piece of jewelry has bothered me over the past three months, thinking it was Jacob's ring to you."

She laughed, and I put my arms around her, pulling her closer to me. "Anything else you want clarified?"

_Clarification?_ "Yes. As a matter of fact, I do. That night we shared our poems, why did you choose that particular one, the one that you presented in class? Was that just a coincidence or was that about Jacob Black?"

She smiled, a small, beautiful, sexy smile that made every cell in my cold, hard, dead body jump to attention. "That was meant for you, Edward Cullen. _Only you_."

I could contain my actions no longer, my hands reaching out and grabbing her waist. I kissed her hard, the gasp and then subsequent moan from my angel's mouth making me want more. I released her for a moment, when a thought occurred to me. One I had dreamt of, but never hoped would actually come to fruition. "Bella, I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

She cocked her head to the side, her dark, thick tresses swaying with the movement. "What?" she asked a bit nervously.

Wasting no time in case she changed her mind, I bent my head toward hers, kissing her softly on the lips. I increased the pressure, my mouth open, before my tongue lightly brushed her lower lip. Just as I expected, the gasp that escaped her mouth parted her lips, and I took advantage, gently entering her mouth, caressing her tongue with mine. The idea of doing this after so many innocent kisses when she was human, if nothing more than to keep her safe, was beyond description. Bella's response was more than I hoped for, her hands reaching inside my coat, grasping at my waist, pulling me closer to her…and was that a _growl_? That intimate contact made my senses come alive, and my heart nearly exploded with joy and gratitude.

I responded equally passionately, the fever pitch of how far we had come in just a small amount of time making each and every touch send ripples of pleasure through my soul. My fingers were in her hair, my other hand around her waist. She was so petite compared to me, and I felt my arm wrap itself around her, hiking her entire body closer to my mouth. I couldn't get close enough to Bella, after so many years of being without her.

Before I knew it, I heard a loud '_crack'_, and realized that in my haste and eagerness to not waste a moment, I had unintentionally pushed the both of us up against the wall, the force of our two stone bodies breaking her delicate plaster. Bella giggled, breaking contact with my mouth, and my head came to rest on her shoulder.

"Sorry about that love. I'll fix your wall tomorrow," I whispered in her ear.

She shivered with every word that I breathed into her ear, and looked up at me, her eyes beginning to fill with unshed tears. I instantly released her, afraid that I'd pushed too far too fast. I began to brush the dust and debris from her hair and clothing, while I offered apologies. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to upset or offend you. I…"

She pressed a finger against my lips, silencing me. She smiled at me, a sad sort of smile, before she spoke. "Edward, I'm not unhappy. Far from it. I just feel immensely blessed that I have a second chance with you after so long." She smiled, before she cocked an eyebrow, her expression changing to one of frustrated curiosity. "However, I do have a few suspicions. Can I ask you a question or two?"

I nodded, suddenly nervous about what she might ask. I couldn't tell her what I'd been doing, not knowing how she would react, or if my plans would actually work. I resolved to not lie to her, but also knew that I might have to stretch the truth, which made my stomach turn. My dishonesty had pulled us apart before and I was never going to allow something as ridiculous as a lie do that to us ever again.

BELLA's POV:

I disengaged myself reluctantly from Edward's embrace, knowing that I needed to clarify a few things for my peace of mind. Images of the last three months came flooding back to me, and knowing now that what he'd done ten years ago was to keep me safe, and not to hurt me changed the intent of his actions completely.

I sat in front of the fire, inviting him to join me. The warmth of the flames reached my skin, and I was grateful for the comfort. Instead of sitting next to me, Edward sat behind me, pulling me flush against his chest, before he wrapped his strong arms around me. I felt so complete, so perfectly happy…so safe.

"Go ahead. Ask away." I could hear the hesitancy in his voice.

"Well," I said, clearing my throat before continuing, "with what I know now, a few things are starting to make a little more sense to me."

"Such as?" He asked.

"The flowers weren't really from all of you, were they?"

His fingers began to tenderly caress my shoulder, getting tangled in my hair. His touch was making me breathless. "No. I needed to find a way to keep _me_ on _your_ mind. At the time, I thought you wanted nothing to do with me, but I wasn't willing to let you go without a fight. But, I also didn't want to scare you away, which is why I signed the card from all of us. _I_ chose the arrangement, even though I brought Alice along."

I nodded, as more realization began to seep into what seemed to be my incredibly empty brain. "I see. What about the whole thing with Gerry?"

Edward growled, loudly. _That makes more sense now._

"Ok. I'll drop that. What about John Riley? I mean, he's harmless. But the way you reacted to him the night of the cocktail reception makes no sense. What was that all about?"

I felt Edward stiffen behind me. "He is a different matter."

"How so?"

He sighed, but wrapped his arms around me tighter, his chin coming to rest on the top of my head. "He was beginning to fall in love with you."

"What?" I whipped my head around, wanting to see Edward's face, to confirm what he was saying. "He barely knows me!"

He kissed my temple, making me melt all over again. "You've _never_ seen yourself very clearly, Bella. His thoughts spoke of nothing but reverence for you. If I hadn't wanted to kill him, it might have been endearing to watch. But I'm _not_ about to _share _you with anyone."

"And Terri?" I sat back down, facing the fire, taking everything in.

"Well," he began, his voice quiet, "I'm terribly ashamed to say that I used her, hoping to make you jealous. She's a brave one. Even when I could sense her fear and read her thoughts, she wasn't deterred." He pulled me closer, before he continued. "Did it work?" I could almost see the smile on his lips.

"Did what work?" I knew what he was asking, but I wasn't about to give in that easily.

"Did I make you jealous? I thought I saw the very emotion both in your classroom and at that party." He paused, before his voice became very quiet. "Did it work?"

I turned to look at him, and he cupped my cheek, his thumb caressing it tenderly. It was ironic. I'd thought that he was lost to me forever, and yet, here he was, holding me, teasing me. And his kisses! I'd almost forgotten how my body could respond to him. "I'm not sure what you're talking about Edward." I said evasively.

He laughed low in my ear, the rumble of his voice making my non-beating heart nearly stop again with the feel of it. The sound of his voice had always been so calming, so completely mesmerizing ten years ago. "Fine. Your lack of response is telling me everything that I need to know. But now I have a question for you."

Suddenly, I felt nervous. It was like I was eighteen all over again, and my mind raced, wondering what he wanted to ask me. "Go ahead."

"That night, when you hit the deer, I felt like when I was holding you in my arms, you were about to kiss me. Was I imagining that?"

My thoughts flew back to that night. Of Edward ripping off the car door, of him gathering me into his protective hold, his voice frantic with worry. _How could I have been so stupid to not see how he really felt about me?_

"Well?" he asked, a bit impatiently.

Laying my head back against his chest, I sighed. "I thought _you_ were going to kiss me."

"And if I had?" he questioned, the impatience replaced with humor.

Again, I shifted in his arms, turning to face him. "Without question, I would have kissed you back."

"Well, maybe I could show you how I would have kissed you that night, and, in turn, you could show me _how_ you would have responded. How does that sound?" he asked suggestively, his eyes a beautiful molten gold that dazzled me all over again.

Not trusting my voice to betray how much I wanted this, I simply nodded. He smiled, leaning in toward me. I closed my eyes, and braced for impact. When his lips touched mine again, I purposely parted my lips, hoping for the same kiss as before. I lightly breathed into his mouth, and was rewarded when his tongue met mine. I grabbed his shoulders for support, and he grabbed my waist, flipping me over to the floor, before he was on top of me, bracing himself against the floor with his hands, so I wouldn't feel his full weight. Our kiss went on forever, before he broke it off, moving downward to kiss and caress my jaw line, like he had all those years before. I let myself bask in what he was doing, each touch like the first time.

He began kissing my neck, and I let out a deeply contented moan of pleasure. He looked up at me, his beautiful features full of love and adoration. Most importantly, his face looked completely relaxed, probably for the first time since I'd seen him after so many years. "What is it, love?"

I sat up, only to see his eyes take on a look of confusion and disappointment. I reached up, brushing the hair out of his eyes for the first time, relishing the feel of how soft it was, and smiled at him. "We've wasted so much time, Edward. I don't want to waste anymore opportunities. Does that make any sense?"

I told him all about Mandy and Jack, how she started to open my eyes to seizing the moment. He didn't seem a bit surprised by how quickly they got engaged and married, but sat and listened to me ramble about how Mandy's revelation to me a little more than a week ago began to rouse me from my empty existence, and how his family helped me see how much he loved me.

"I told you he was besotted with her. It's close to how I feel about you," Edward said, his finger tracing my face worshipfully.

"I _know_ that now. It's just that with all the misunderstanding and near misses, we've missed out on months…" I trailed off, but then felt the need to say what I had really intended. "Edward, we've missed out on years. I don't want to miss out on anything more."

Before I had the last word completely out of my mouth, Edward scooped me up, carrying me to the couch, and setting me down, facing him. I looked at him, as he paced in front of me for a minute, before he knelt down in front of me, looking up at me with love and devotion clearly marked on his face. He took my hand, and shifted to one knee, when realization hit me soundly between the eyes.

"Isabella," he began, so quietly, I stopped breathing so I could hear him clearly, "I love you. I loved you before I met you, knowing that somewhere in this big world, I would find you the one perfect person that was meant for me one day, even if I didn't understand it at the time. I lost you once, and I am _never_ going to lose you again. _Will_ _you_…"

"Stop!"

He looked at me both hurt and exasperated, his forehead creased with confusion. "Bella, you _just_ said you didn't want to waste anymore time. Will you please just let me finish?"

"Edward," I said, cupping his handsome face, "I don't want to waste anymore time. But we have _forever_. There is plenty of time for _that._ Can we just take this a day at a time? Please? Just for a little while? We'll get to _that_ eventually, I promise."

He pursed his lips, and I couldn't help myself. I leaned forward and kissed him again. And again. I pulled myself away, hoping to see anything other than disappointment on his face.

He looked at me with a bit of resignation, but then his eyes began to twinkle.

_That made me nervous._

"All right, Bella. I'll hold off on _that_ for a time. But I would like something else in exchange, a compromise of sorts."

_Compromise?_ I can do that. "Thank you, Edward. What would you like instead?"

He didn't answer me directly. Instead, he scooped me up again, and carried me up the stairs to my unused bedroom. My stomach lurched, wondering where this was going, and knowing that having postponed the marriage proposal, I couldn't deny him anymore.

_And I wasn't sure that I didn't want to, either._

He set me down carefully on my feet, at the foot of the bed, and began tracing my face with his finger again, while I let the sensation encompass every part of me. His soft touch and caresses were better than I remembered. "Bella?"

"Hmm?" I answered absentmindedly, my eyes closed and enjoying the sound of his voice, the feel of his caress, and his wonderful hypnotic scent. I was content.

"We're here."

Silence.

"Bella love, please open your eyes."

I paused, knowing where we were, but not wanting to know _exactly_ what he was looking for.

Edward gave me a little shake, before his gentle laughter roused me from my bemused state, and my eyes opened involuntarily. His handsome face greeted me, filled with love and longing.

"Bella, while we were apart, I used to imagine many things that involved you. One thing in particular called to me like no other. Would you do a favor, just for me?"

My eyes widened, and I took a step back. Edward looked back at me with confusion.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Edward, I love you. I do – more than I can possibly convey to you. But I don't think I'm ready for that."

Edward looked at me again for a moment, until he closed his eyes and began to laugh. He threw his head back, and his deep tenor voice barked with amusement until I thought he might clutch his sides from the intensity of it. Now I was annoyed.

"What's so funny?" I asked, while I could feel my face morphing into a pout.

Edward rushed to my side, covering his mouth to stop the laughter. "Bella, I would love nothing more than to _be_ with you right now, but that's _not_ why I brought you up here."

"It's not?" My annoyance turned to utter confusion.

"No. When we were separated, I used to think about all the times I would hold you while you slept. To listen to your breathing, hear your heart, smell your bewitching scent. Those were some of the best moments of my life. I'd like to hold you now, if you'll let me."

I took a step toward him. "Edward, I don't sleep anymore nor does my heart beat."

He brushed my hair behind my shoulder. "Bella, all I care about now is that I can hold you in my arms. You may no longer sleep, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't spend the rest of my life keeping you safe in my embrace. My heart no longer beats either, but it holds nothing but love for you. Would you _please_ do this for me? Please let me hold you tonight? Just for this one night, can we pretend that the last ten years didn't happen?"

I could feel my eyes fill with tears, and simply nodded. He went to the head of my bed, pulling back the covers and fluffing the pillows, before he extended a hand to me. I took his hand and he helped me in, before he pulled the covers back over me, and started to climb in on _top_, the heavy quilt a barrier between us.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

He stopped and looked at me. "I thought you were okay with this?"

I smiled at him, knowing exactly what I would say. "What I mean, Edward, is why are you climbing on top of the covers? Why aren't you underneath them, with me?"

He looked sad for a moment. "Ah. I guess you no longer get cold from my skin, do you?"

"I no longer get cold, but that only means that I can spend _forever_ with you. Now, get _under_ these covers, Mr. Cullen. Are you going to hold me or not?" I asked, feigning annoyance.

He smiled his crooked smile at me and was about to join me when I stopped him. "Um…you mentioned something about a compromise." I said silkily.

"So I did." He looked at me warily.

"Well a compromise does imply that both parties get something from the deal."

He rolled his beautiful golden eyes at me, recognizing the playful tone of my voice. "What do _you_ want Bella?" He nearly purred at me.

I pulled my lips together inside my mouth, trying to keep my laughter and utter excitement hidden. "That night when you were at the house, and Gerry showed up, you put on your little act. Do you remember?" I knew he did, but I asked anyways. He nodded, as the corners of his mouth began to move upwards. "It worked brilliantly, I might add. He hasn't bothered me since."

He smiled brightly, but I could definitely hear the beginnings of a growl deep in his chest. "I was fed up with his actions in regards to you, his disgusting thoughts telling me exactly what he thought he deserved when it came to myBella. _You belong to me_. Just who the hell does he think he is? I don't even want to imagine how he acts when I'm not with you. I wasn't about to let him continue to think that he could continue to behave that way around you, not without me intervening."

I laughed, amused by his exasperated rambling, and over protectiveness. My Edward was back, and I felt overwhelmed by his love and adoration, but not so overwhelmed that I forgot what I was about to say. "I think," I exhaled sharply, not sure if I had enough pluck to ask for what I wanted, but then took in a deep breath, determined to seize the moment. "I _want_ you to take your shirt _off _this time and tousle your hair like the night you scared Gerry off. I didn't have time to properly…um…well…appreciate it that night." I stammered, knowing that he would remember the blush that used to adorn my face.

His melodic laughter filled the room, before he ripped his shirt from his body, the buttons whizzing past me in all directions. His hands reached up toward his hair, the mop of bronze that I remembered from that very first day in the cafeteria, before I stopped him.

"Allow me." I reached toward him.

I ran my fingers through his soft hair, my soft caress becoming rougher, as Edward's hands found their way to my waist, his eyes closed, while he moaned softly with my touch. "You have _no_ idea how amazing that feels." He opened his eyes, before taking my hands in his, kissing them like they were the most precious things on the face of the earth.

I leaned back to admire my handiwork. "Yep; that looks about right." He smiled before he acquiesced to my request, pulling back the covers, and settling me back in before joining me. We readjusted our positions until my head was comfortably resting on his bare chest, and his arms were wrapped tightly around me. Even with the temperature of our skin, we felt almost warm, and more importantly, felt complete. Even mostly dressed, the physical connection we shared was overwhelming.

Edward began to kiss my hair, while I let my eyes flutter shut, more relaxed than I felt in years. "Edward?"

He sighed, the sound one of pure happiness. "Yes, love?"

"I've never used this bed before. It's sort of fitting that the first time I finally use it is with you."

He tightened his arms around me, and I leaned up to kiss him again. This kiss was more childlike, like those we shared when I was human. I sighed again, content that finally the man I loved more than life itself, was here, holding me and loving me.

He began to hum my lullaby and I felt myself give over to my emotions. After so many years of hurt and pain and loss, I felt alive. The pain was gone, and I was ready for the next part of my life. My life with Edward.

As I began to drift, not falling asleep, but as close to unconsciousness as possible, I felt Edward shift under me. "Bella darling, I do have one more thing to say to you."

I lifted my head, my chin making contact with his perfect chest. "What's that?"

"I'm in no rush, but tonight is the only time when _you_ get to dictate when I get to ask you that very important question. You can say 'no' as many times as you wish, but I'll just keep asking. I will never lose you again. _Never._"

I put my head back down, amazed once more at how perfectly our bodies fit together, and relaxed. "Whatever you say, Edward."

I was pretty certain that the next time he asked, I'd be ready.

Mrs. Edward Cullen.

_I really like the sound of that._


	48. Chapter 47: Random Acts of Romance

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: Thanks to heartbroken1, who turned this around in mere hours! Hope both you and the boys enjoyed the movie and that leg of yours is healing quickly - summer is almost here!_

_To Mandi1, who inspires me -- seventeen more days --I'm so pumped, as she would say!_

_And, to grumpy grizzly, who puts up with me, and listens to me drone on about my little story, encouraging me with her enthusiasm and steadfast belief -- who helps me "tweak" things, as she calls it! Only 52 more days! I hope that I'm as much a cheerleder for you as you are for me!_

_Also, to the readers who wanted to see some romance, this chapter is for you!_

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 48: Random Acts of Romance

Bella's POV:

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" he responded, his lips firmly attached to my jaw line and neck.

I giggled, still surprised by the light sound erupting from my lungs. "The light's green, Edward."

"And?" he asked, his voice telling me unequivocally that he could have cared less.

The sound of horns blaring behind us did nothing to deter him from his mission to cover every square inch of my face and neck with his soft and tender kisses. Placing my hand to his chest, I gently pushed him away.

A low, playful growl escaped him before he threw the Volvo into gear and took off, racing through town at his usual breakneck speed. "We're not done with that, you know," he offered suggestively, his tenor voice making me shiver with anticipation.

"Of course not." My eyes shifted to look at him, while he drove us to my house, happiness and contentment now my constant companions. Well, in addition to Edward.

Since our _real_ talk and subsequent reconciliation, every moment of my day was filled with Edward whether in person or in thought. He would pick me up for work in the morning, come to collect me for my lunch period, and then attend to me after work. We spent every spare moment together, and I'd never remembered being so happy.

Edward made sure that he was _never_ far from my thoughts. He'd email me at the top of every hour, telling me how much he missed me and give me a countdown as to how many hours, minutes, and seconds were left before I'd be in his arms again.

One day in particular stood out to me. He sent me a floral arrangement every twenty minutes, arousing suspicion from not only the front office, but nearly every other staff member in the building. Mandy was more than curious, as she gazed at each crystal vase, brimming with exotic flowers, her eyes full of approval. Before long, her desk was filled with flowers too.

The arrangements were exquisite. Roses, gardenias, tulips, lilies, and hydrangeas arrived in succession, each delivery larger than the last, until I finally called him, begging him to stop for fear of what Gerry might do if the parade of blooms continued. He growled loudly in my ear with the reasoning I provided, but acquiesced to my request. He picked me up at the end of the long day, another fragrant bouquet of mixed blooms in his hands, and took me home, only for me to discover that the entire house, top to bottom, had been filled with beautiful arrangements in every color.

The next day I returned the favor, sending Edward only one bouquet: freesias, to keep _me_ on _his_ mind. He seemed more than elated at my simple offering.

Every evening was like a first date – my stomach full of butterflies, eager to see where the evening would take us. He and I would spend our time together, talking, listening to music, dancing, debating topics, such as literature and philosophy, and of course, most of the time we just spent in each other's arms. He would hum songs quietly in my ear, or we would engage in my other favorite pastime – _kissing_.

Edward's kisses were indescribable. Some mornings he would simply show up, kiss me and time would stand still while we lost ourselves in each other. Each kiss was better than the last as we got more comfortable with each other. I couldn't begin to count the number of days that he would have to race me to work so I wouldn't be late.

And Edward wasn't the only Cullen in my life.

Edward wasn't thrilled about sharing me, but he gave in, knowing that his family wanted to see me too. To have all seven Cullens in my life was wonderful. Every moment that I wasn't working was filled with one or all of them.

After Edward and I spent that first night together, Alice and I sat down and I begged her to forgive me, knowing that my joy couldn't be complete if she weren't in the picture.

She forgave me quickly, telling me that our terrible fight at the school made her determined to act and not sit back and let me walk out of their lives. We spent so much time together, when Edward would spare me, talking about nothing and everything. I told her for the first time that she was the sister I never had, and was rewarded when she informed me that I'd always been her sister, even when we'd been separated for ten long years.

I discovered that Alice had been the one who had continually fought with Edward to come back and claim me, even though at the time, the exercise had caused more pain for the both of them. She and Edward had mended their relationship, which was something that I was overjoyed about. When I found out about their fight, I was heartsick, thinking that this all could have ended so much differently.

Even back in Forks, I could see the closeness between Edward and Alice. She had accepted me, long before the other Cullens had. She supported Edward in his decision to be with me, which I knew wasn't a popular decision in their household given our differences at the time.

She and I grew closer day by day, her sweet spirit and enthusiasm helping to awaken the hope that had always been a part of me, but that I'd had suppressed for so long as the depression and grief had firmly rooted itself in my person. The relief was overwhelming now that I could look forward and know that all wasn't lost. Alice was my beacon of hope.

She would come by the house frequently, or work, depending on the day. She became my own personal clothing shopper, presenting me with several new outfits, many of which were in Edward's favorite shade of blue. I wore it more regularly now, and would always change into something in that hue when my workday was done, which thrilled Edward immensely.

Emmett was incorrigible. He never missed an opportunity to tease or challenge. Edward and he would wrestle, and I would sit there and watch, happy to see _my Edward_ finally at peace, knowing how difficult his life had been for the past decade.

My new big brother loved to tease me, constantly watching me in hopes that I would stumble and trip. Occasionally he would try to slyly toss things in front of my feet hoping that I wouldn't notice and entertain him. His behavior had the tendency to antagonize Edward, and then I would need to intercede, trying to calm Edward, and help him understand that it was just Emmett's way of having fun with his little sister, as he had taken to calling me from time to time.

Jasper and I forged an entirely new relationship. With his gift for manipulating emotions, and the assistance of Carlisle, we tested the strength of my "gift". Jasper could make me turn on a dime, and that shield was potent.

It was so powerful once, that when Emmett got too close, he was thrown across the Cullen's backyard, slamming him into one of the family's storage buildings, destroying both it and its contents, much to my dismay and utter embarrassment. He got up, sauntering back to where I stood, and bowed in mock reverence, muttering something about _never_ upsetting me again.

Edward let out a howl of laughter, hugging me and whispering in my ear that Emmett had finally found the one thing that he couldn't fight off with brute force.

Edward and Rosalie found the whole experience entertaining and had taken to holding up score boards when I would block something effectively. Emmett would scowl when I got a ten against him.

With Jasper and Carlisle's help, I was better at managing my power. Jasper and I made an astonishing team, since my power was tied to my emotions. We tried, in vain, to unlock my mind for Edward, but upon closer examination, we were both grateful when it didn't happen.

Edward told me that when we were together, he had peace. No intruding thoughts and constant surprises from me, which excited him. He _never_ knew what I was thinking and loved the idea of talking to me, even though he did admit that it sometimes drove him crazy, not knowing what I would say.

_I loved the idea that he had to work for it._

Esme was thrilled to have me back at the house, always hugging me, her bright eyes sparkling with delight, watching the two of us together. I was enormously thankful for her intervention, which allowed me the opportunity to not only have Edward back in my life, but the rest of the family as well. When we were alone, Edward would tell me what she'd been thinking. Her thoughts were full of thankfulness that all of her children were finally _home_ where they belonged.

I spent some time with Esme alone, taking her up on her offer to teach me to paint, enjoying the feeling of having a mother of sorts. She and I would spend our time talking, while I soaked up the attention of the family's matriarch. She mentioned over and over again how happy she was, and I responded in kind, telling her that I'd never been so happy that random coincidence brought us all back together. She laughed lightly, telling me that coincidence had nothing to do with it. Rather, it had always been _destiny _for Edward and I to be together. She said it often with complete conviction. Gratefully, I finally believed her. Having a mother figure that I didn't have to take care of was extraordinarily comforting to me.

Even Rosalie and I deepened our relationship. We would sometimes just sit together in the garage. She would work on the cars, where she was in her element, and I would read. I would occasionally try to assist, trying to hand her tools on her command, only to have her laugh, her beautiful face alight with amusement, when I consistently presented her with the wrong one.

She started to teach me all about engines, and although I barely followed her enthusiasm, I appreciated all she did to make me feel welcome and at ease. She too has been a huge part of mine and Edward's reconciliation, and I shook my head at the change in events, knowing how much she _disliked_ me back in Forks.

I invited her to read to my students at school, which to my surprise, she eagerly agreed to. When she arrived that first day for read aloud, the students were instantly drawn to her beauty. She brought each of them a book as a gift, and my small students were ecstatic. Rosalie handled them wonderfully, careful with each one, and so loving; I could tell that she grateful for the attention they showered on her. Had Rosalie not met her fate so many years ago, she would have made an outstanding mother. The first time had been such a success, we made a regular appointment for her to come twice a week to visit.

Emmett sometimes stayed and watched his wife with nothing put respect and adoration. He was exceedingly thankful; his Rose had finally been given an opportunity to put all her mothering skills to good use.

Where I used to think that life never changed, my path of thinking did just that. I impatiently looked forward to what each and every day had to offer.

We went back to our regular weekend routine, though now it was _always_ Edward that would come collect me, usually from the school. But we never went straight back to his family's home. Some days he would take me back to my house, where we could spend some time together alone, or to a local park, strolling together, talking, and holding hands.

_Life was pretty damn perfect._

Since I was still on suspension from the university, my evenings were free, and Edward and I took full advantage. When we were together, his hands never left me, his touch reassuring me that he was there and that he'd never leave me again. He never stayed the _entire_ night, but when he would leave, usually in the wee hours of the morning just to shower and change, my heart would ache, though his gentle touch and deep kisses reassured me that he'd be right back. Edward was _always_ the perfect gentleman – ten years of pain and separation had done nothing to change that.

"What are you thinking about so hard, Mrs. Cullen?" Edward teased.

"Just how happy I am – that's all." He'd taken to calling me Mrs. Cullen from time to time, he informed me to warm me up for the next time he would ask me that very important question. I giggled again, which made him grip my hand tighter.

I heard his brakes squeak, as we made it to another red light. He threw the car into park, before he released his seat belt in a flash, and came flying at me. His long, slim fingers reached out to cup my cheek, and his lips were instantly on mine. I gasped, surprised at how forward he was, before his cool tongue was in my mouth again making me forget the surprise of it and everything else for a minute. These kisses made me positively melt, the torrent of powerful emotions causing me to feel faint from his touch. Before long, the honking started again, and I groaned, reluctantly breaking off the kiss.

"Get back here. I'm not done with you yet," he whined to me, doing his best impression of Alice.

I pointed toward the front window showing him the highway exit directly in front of us. "Drive me home, and I'll take very good care of you, Mr. Cullen."

He smiled, his crooked grin that I loved so very much, perfectly in place. Edward smiled all the time now. Esme remarked to me just yesterday that it didn't matter what he was doing, Edward was happier than she'd ever remembered him -- even happier than when we all lived in Forks, she told me.

"Edward?" I asked.

"What, love?" he answered, his tone light and airy.

"Why are you smiling?" I ventured, almost certain that I would know what his answer would be.

He took the exit toward the highway, making quick work of merging into evening traffic. "Now, what would make you think I'm happy?" he teased, the deep tone of his voice making me quiver with anticipation for us to get to my house that much quicker.

I rolled my eyes, knowing that he was just playing with me. But I ventured on. "Well, you happen to have the most beautiful smile on your face, and your voice has this contented sound to it, or am I imagining all that?" I shot him my best dazzling vampire smile in return.

"Contented? You could say that," he said, his eyes never once leaving the road. He was taunting me again; he knew it drove me crazy when he was vague with his answers, just as much as it bothered him when I 'edited' as he called it.

I tried again. "What _exactly_ are you _content_ about?" I asked breezily.

The Volvo had come to the exit near to the house, _our_ home, as Edward referred to it now. He began to weave the car through the familiar streets, until we found the dirt road, the dead end leading to my – I mean, _our_ home. Edward spent a good deal of time at the house during the day, and after fixing the hole in the wall that he and I made that first glorious night of forgiveness, took to "fixing" the place up, including a surround sound system with a much better stereo that made my small boom box pale in comparison. He also moved in a small, upright piano so he could play for me, which he did almost every night. He spent his days painting the walls, and hanging more artwork from Esme, making the place look more like a home than it ever had when I lived there alone.

_Alone._

I shivered when I thought of that word. I reflected back to all the time that I spent there by myself, the intolerably long nights, dark and desolate, that were now replaced with company and blissful affection – especially from Edward.

We pulled into the drive and Edward was at my door quicker than I could blink. He pulled me to him in one quick movement, kissing me hungrily. I lost count of all the kisses we'd shared since we'd finally figured out that we both still loved each other – desperately. He was my soul mate, and I was his.

We rarely fought now. Thinking back to our fights in Forks, we disagreed about money, my mortality, my safety – thankfully, that was a part of the past. Why fight when there were so many other things to be grateful for?

The snow was coming down in earnest, this December worse than any other on record, as the large, wet, fluffy flakes added to the steady drifts that surrounded the house. Edward grabbed me, throwing me over his shoulder, and running into the house, slamming the door shut. He placed my feet tenderly on the floor, before pinning me against the door, his mouth on mine, insistent and unyielding.

My hands found their way to his hair, his moans reverberating from his chest, which I could feel through my coat and sweater. This was always how our evenings started, before he would _attempt_ to be more of a gentleman, though he never strayed from my side.

This time I licked his lower lip, hoping to tempt him enough to allow me entrance. Instead, he teased me, breaking off the kiss, his eyes boring into mine, as my lips tried in vain to recapture his. It was like cat and mouse – my mouth desperately craved his, but he kept pulling away, his mouth curling into a devious smile.

I knew what he was doing. _Edward loved the hunt_. I pursed my lips and looked at him, exasperated. "Are you going to kiss me or not? Because if you're not, I'm going upstairs to do some work."

He leaned against my staircase; his tall, lean body looked enticing in a pair of jeans, a pale blue oxford and darker blue vest. My hands seemed to be working of their own accord, desperate to touch him again. "I don't know. I've missed you all day, and you don't seem the least bit interested in spending time with me," he teased his voice full of bogus hurt.

I sighed dramatically, knowing the part I needed to play. "Fine. I have papers to grade, and holiday fun packets to prepare for my students. I'll just go to my office and you can sit here and figure out if you want to kiss me when I get back."

I walked past him, grabbing my bag from his arm, making my way toward the staircase. I increased my speed, knowing he'd be after me. Since our reconciliation, I felt more comfortable using my enhanced skills, running being one of them. I'd almost made it to the top of the stairs, when I felt a stiff breeze beside me, which made my hair sway. I looked up to the landing, to see Edward already standing there, barring the way to my office.

"Hi." The soft purr of his voice made my insides turn happily to mush, and I almost felt human all over again, as Edward dazzled me with just his smile.

I feigned annoyance with his antics, biting on the inside of my mouth to keep from laughing. "Excuse me. I need to get to my office. Unlike you, _I_ have work to do."

He didn't budge, his arms crossing his chest and his legs spread the width of the staircase, making it impossible for me to get through by conventional methods. So in one quick motion, I took a step back on the stairs, before launching myself at him, but instead of aiming for his now open and willing arms, I sailed right between his legs. I righted myself quickly and sprinted toward the open door to the left, hoping to make it there before he did.

He grabbed me around the waist before placing sweet kisses on my neck. "I love you, Bella -- so much." His voice sounded strained, and I shifted in his arms, to see the look on his face.

Instead of seeing the customary smile that had become his permanent expression, his face looked concerned and pained. I kissed him softly once, but then he clung to me as if for dear life, hugging me so fiercely, I was afraid to let go of him. "What's the matter?" I asked sensing his mood was no longer playful.

He kept his grip tight on me, while he buried his face in my hair. "I'm just so grateful, Bella. More grateful than I can possibly explain. I have no idea what I did to deserve this second chance, but I am never letting go of you ever again. What I wouldn't do to just sit in the parking lot of the school, just so I could see you teach through the windows, everyday. The hours that you aren't with me are pure torture."

Despite his sincerity, I couldn't help but giggle. A few days after our reunion, I was back at work. On bended knee, Edward begged me to call in sick that Monday, which I did, knowing that I wasn't ready to let go of him yet, even for a short time. We spent the morning together, before heading back to the Cullen home, where everyone greeted the both of us with open arms. The odd part was how natural everything felt, almost like the last ten years had never happened. I finally had a new set of parents, four new brothers and sisters, and my soul mate – all back in my life for good.

_Forever_.

But when I did return to work, I happened to glance out the window while retrieving something from my desk, to see the ubiquitous Volvo, Edward sitting within, so still, I had to blink to assure myself that he was there. He broke his motionless stance, to crack a smile at me, which made my proverbial heart jump at the sight. However, knowing how strange it might appear, a young man sitting in a car outside of an elementary school for an entire day, I was forced to call him on his cell phone.

"_Hello, beautiful."_

"_What are you doing?"_

_Silence._

"_Edward?"_

"_All right – I'm waiting for you. I'd rather sit alone in this car all day, mere feet from you, hoping for glimpses of you when you pass by your windows, then go home."_

I stifled a laugh. _"Edward, as much as I would love for you to sit and wait for my day to end, you can't stay there all day."_

"_Why not?"_ The tone of his voice held confusion and disappointment.

"_Because you're drawing entirely too much attention to yourself, Mr. Cullen. Now shoo! I'll see you after work, 3:15 on the dot."_

_Growl. _

"_Now what?" _I asked, my tone full of phony impatience.

"_What if you need protection?"_

"_Protection?"_ I laughed at the very idea. _"Protection from what?"_

"_How about from whom? Gerry."_ The sound of his voice with just that one word was menacing, and I could feel my eyes widening. _"I can hear him, his thoughts, as he sits and hides in his office all day."_

"_He's harmless. Go Edward. Please, before people start to notice. Please? For me?"_

"_3:15." _Giant sigh._ "I don't like it, but I'll do it – for you."_

"_Edward?"_

"_Yes, love."_

"_I love you. It's hard for me too, more than you'll ever understand."_

He chuckled lightly. _"I love you too, Bella. I may not be able to read your mind, but I think I completely understand how you might be feeling right now."_

He started the car, waving at me once more, before he sped off.

_How did I ever deserve this amazing man?_

I remembered that sweet memory, and he was still in my arms, while my hands rubbed down his back encouragingly, before he would look at me. When his eyes finally met mine, I reached up on my tiptoes, placing a kiss on his lips, before rolling back toward the floor. "Edward, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. Now do you want to help me or not?"

His head dipped toward mine, until his forehead touched mine. "Help you? Help you with what?" His voice started to relax, and I felt his grip lighten, though he continued to hold me.

I smiled up at him, hoping that my eyes were filled with every bit of love that I'd always had reflecting back at him. "Help me grade papers?"

He laughed, picking me up at the waist, and kissing me. "Come on. The quicker we start, the faster I can have you all to myself."

He went to the office, flicking on the light, before he sat down in my office chair. He patted his leg, his smile widening. "Come here."

I looked at him, feeling my forehead crease in confusion. "Edward, I'll run down and grab another chair, and then we can work together."

Turning from him, I took only a single step toward the door before I felt his strong hand take me by the wrist and pull me firmly back toward him. He steered me toward his seat and plopped me on his lap. His arms wrapped around me, and I nestled back against his chest, grateful again that he was here with me.

"Edward, how are you going to help me if we're sitting like this?" Truth be told, I didn't care _what_ he said, my only real thought was how wonderful it felt to be here, nestled in his arms.

He kissed my temple, before I could feel the rumble of laughter from his chest. "I can help you while we sit like this."

"How?"

His strong hands ran up and down my forearms, while I could feel his cool breath in my hair. I could feel the smirk form on his lips with his face firmly nestled in my hair. He took in deep breaths, inhaling my scent. "Well, if I encourage you enough, I'm sure that you'll finish faster and then I can have your _undivided_ attention."

I shifted in his embrace, until I was sitting on his lap sideways, my cheek lying securely against his chest. "And how exactly will you encourage me?"

"Let me show you." He began to gently kiss my lips, one arm wrapping itself around my waist, while the other tangled itself in my hair. Before I knew what was happening, Edward began to slowly shift my position away from him, until I was facing my desk, where somehow, all the paperwork I'd brought home was out of the bag, staring back at me from the tabletop.

He put a red pen in one hand, and before placing that hand back on my waist, pulling me closer to him, he produced a roll of stickers from out of nowhere, meant to put on the kids' school papers as encouragement. He then pulled my hair to the side, while he delicately attacked my neck.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" he purred.

"How is this helping me?" I knew my quivering voice held nothing but distracted confusion, and his masculine laugh did nothing to alleviate the tantalizing feeling that made it impossible for me to sort out the puzzled thoughts I was having.

He pulled his lips away from me, only to bring his mouth close to my ear. "I figure if I kiss you while you work, you'll do things faster, and then I can have you all to myself. How does that sound?"

My mind raced with the possibilities of an evening alone with Edward, and I quickly settled down to work.

I finished the grading as quickly as I could. While I surfed the internet looking for ideas from my favorite teacher sites for fun activities for my students, Edward continued to caress, kiss, and nuzzle me, whispering words of love in my ear. I nearly came undone when his tongue came into contact with my earlobe.

My Edward was a miraculous motivator. He would continue to "encourage" me, while with one free hand, he festooned each student's work with a sticker and made neat piles of the completed projects, pulled paper from the printer and assembled the packet so I could take it back to work and makes copies for each student. He was the literal definition of multi-tasking.

Before I knew it, I was finished. I tilted my body to face him fully, and claim my reward of kissing him – _hard_. Edward responded in kind, his hands in my hair, his mouth just as urgent on mine. His strong arms were wrapped around me so tightly, and for a moment, I again was reminded how fortunate I was.

"How was that?" he teased.

"I think I would like you to 'encourage' me every evening. I've never finished so quickly." I thought back to all the evenings where I took my time, painstakingly going over every paper, in order to prolong the start of the tortuous nights without anything to do. When I was alone, I looked for anything to keep me occupied, not wanting to remember how no one else was a part of my life. I involuntarily shuddered at the memory.

"Bella?" His voice was full of concern. "What's wrong? I don't care for that look on your face. Talk to me."

I laid my head on his chest, breathing in his scent to settle myself and remember that my solitary confinement was a thing of the past. "I was just thinking about how I used to spend my evenings – completely alone. I don't ever want to go back to that, Edward. I can't…" I burrowed my head further into him, and he responded by wrapping his muscular arms securely around me.

"You _aren't_ ever going back to that. It's just like I said to you in the school parking lot that day. You aren't alone anymore, and that is never going to change. I promise you."

_Promises_.

Since Edward and I had reconciled, which was the understatement of the year, I was beginning to believe in promises again. Whatever Edward said he would do, he did. I tried to not fear that he wouldn't come back in the morning, but sometimes my irrational thoughts got the better of me. Edward did everything he could to reassure me. A few mornings I must have looked completely beside myself, for whatever reason, and he gave in, grabbing a change of clothing from the car, showering in my upstairs guest bath.

I knew I was acting like a spoiled child, but he would hold me and whisper words of encouragement, making sure to tell me over and over again that he wasn't going to leave. That our relationship was permanent, and that his love for me was forever -- that he'd only be away from me for short periods of time, and only when absolutely necessary.

I nodded at him, before getting up from his lap, taking in a deep breath to steady myself. In just a few quick motions, Edward scooped all of our hard work back into my bag and he led me from the office back down to the first floor.

He worked on a fire, while I glanced out the window. From the tiny light that illuminated my porch, I could see the snow coming down in heavy sheets, covering everything in a beautiful, fresh blanket of white. I felt him gather my hair in his hands, and lean forward to began humming my lullaby in my ear. I forgot about everything else.

He led me toward the couch, where our evening began in earnest. He would hum to me, sweet kisses coming from him in between, while I just sat there and soaked in his attention, returning it in kind.

We were enjoying our blissful cocoon, when I felt Edward's cell phone go off in his pocket. He quickly reached down, hit some button, and put a stop to the annoying buzzing that was interrupting our alone time.

"Now, where were we before that phone call attempted to interrupt us?" he asked seductively.

_Phone call? What phone call?_

I kissed him playfully. Edward gently rolled us off the sofa until I was beneath him in front of the fireplace. He looked at me worshipfully, his golden eyes full of adoration. My head lifted up from the floor, searching for contact with his lips. His cell phone went off again.

Without breaking eye contact, Edward's hand reached into his pocket, pulling out the tiny silver device. He glanced at the ID, before rolling his eyes, pushing some button and setting it aside on the floor. He flipped us over so I was straddling him, my hands firmly settled on his chest. The phone went off again.

This time, I grabbed it, eliciting a low growl from Edward. He reached for it, and I held it out of his reach as we began to wrestle on the floor for control of it.

"Bella, don't you dare answer that phone." His voice sounded commanding, though I could hear the hint of teasing behind it.

Giggling, I tried to form the words to answer him. "Edward, it's Alice. You know she's not going to stop calling until you pick up."

Another playful growl came from Edward, which had me rolling my eyes. My response only seemed to fuel his fire, and before I knew what was happening, he had me pinned to the floor, his hands on my waist, his mouth on mine. Somehow, he'd wrestled the phone from me. I forgot about anything other than the urgent kisses I was being pleasantly assaulted with.

The phone went off again.

I looked up just in time to see Edward grab the phone from the floor, and from his expression and the way he was holding the tiny piece of technology in his hand, he was about to crush it.

"Don't!" I shrieked in laughter.

Edward stopped immediately, looking at me incredulously, before he relaxed his hand. "Bella, you're right about one thing. If I don't get rid of this phone, she'll just keep calling until I answer it." He chuckled, eyeing me with smoldering eyes.

"Then she'll start calling mine. Just answer her, and then you and I can get back to our…activity." I winked.

The phone rang again, and with a seriously annoyed grunt, Edward picked up, nearly barking at his sister on the other end. "Alice, what is so urgent?" His voice was rough, and more than a little terse.

I could barely pick up what Alice was saying, as my fingers were tracing every button on Edward's shirt. Her steady torrent of words were almost completely lost on me, because my attention was almost entirely focused on distracting him for a change, but I distinctly caught the words 'snow' and 'sledding'. I was so concentrated on Edward, that I instantly noticed the change in his demeanor and the subtly scheming grin on his face.

"I'll let her know, Alice. Thank you for calling and giving us a head's up. Good night." He snapped the phone shut, casually tossing it over his shoulder, where it landed on the sofa. "Now where were we?" he murmured, before he leaned over trailing small kisses down my neck, pushing the neckline of my sweater aside, as he continued his fiery trail of tiny kisses to my collar bone.

"Edward, what…" I tried desperately to find my voice as he took my breath away, "did Alice…" I struggled to maintain any type of conscious reasoning, "have to say…that was so important?" I let out the rest of the breath I was holding, while my hands found their way to his hair…_again._ I really didn't care what she had to say when he kissed me like this, but I felt I needed to be polite.

With his lips still on my skin, I could feel him smile against my neck. "She said with the major blizzard going on outside that you'll be having a snow day tomorrow, and that the rest of the family would like to spend some time with you. Plus, it's Friday, so we'll have a jump start on the weekend."

"Ha!" I snorted effectively breaking the mood.

Edward's head popped up, his hair a mess, and a slightly condescending look on his face. "Excuse me? What do you know that Alice _doesn't_? It's _never_ a good idea to bet against Alice – I should know."

I struggled to sit up on my own before he helped me, pulling me to my feet. "Edward, I may have only worked for this district for the past two years, but I can tell you one thing that I've learned. I can't begin to tell you how many of my colleagues complain because no matter how bad the snow is, we haven't had a snow day in more than twenty years. I don't see that changing anytime soon, though the idea of spending the day with all of you sounds lovely." I sat back on the sofa, suggestively patting the seat next to me so he would join me.

He took my hand. "Far be it from me to argue with someone so beautiful, but Alice's tone let me know with no uncertainty that she _knew_ that this particular vision would happen. So I think you should prepare to spend the day with all of us tomorrow. Alice was thinking we could do some sledding before heading back to the house for a movie marathon. She's already getting into the Christmas spirit, so you should be prepared for a holiday movie extravaganza."

I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'll tell you what. If by some miracle, Alice is right," I paused to kiss the corner of his mouth. " I'll do whatever you guys want tomorrow." I said and then kissed the other corner of his soft lips. " How does that sound?"

Edward's oh so handsome face transfixed into one giant grin. "Deal. Do I have your promise?"

I'm not sure what look registered on my face, but before the last syllable left his mouth, he had me tight in his embrace. "Bella, I'm sorry. I know that you don't believe in promises. I never mean to push you. Please forgive…"

I kissed him, cutting off what he was about to say. Once I was sure of his silence I pulled back and looked up at his anxiety ridden face. "Edward, it's all right." I smiled reassuringly and caressed his check with the back of my hand. "I think I'm beginning to rethink my whole take on the promises thing."

He sat back, his expression and tone one of cautious optimism. "Really? What changed your mind?"

"You."

"Really?" He kissed me softly, his thumb brushing lightly over my cheek, which was making it very difficult to think straight.

I kissed him back, my fingers unbuttoning more of his shirt so my skin could make contact with his smooth chest. "Yes. Now are you going to sit and discuss promises, or are we going to enjoy the rest of our evening before I have to go back to work tomorrow?"

"Whatever you say, Bella; but I'm betting on Alice." He helped me from the couch, before he turned on the stereo, and swiftly, he was holding me close, dancing with me, his sweet breath in my ear telling me over and over again how very much he loved me.

Before I was ready for it, the evening was over, and Edward was getting ready to run home. He also was leaving a little early to give me the opportunity to hunt before my workday started. He'd offered to go with me several times, but I explained I just wasn't ready for him to see that side of me yet. He'd kiss my forehead, and assure me that he could be patient.

I kissed him again before I opened the door to discover to my absolute shock, the amount of snow that had fallen during the night. Edward chuckled, before I elbowed him in the ribs, causing him to yelp and rub his side.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours, with the rest of the family in tow."

"Sure you will. I'll be waiting, dressed for work. If they'd like to come along to say hello that will be fine," I replied stubbornly.

He kissed me quickly before looking at me. "I'll shovel the drive before I go, to appease you and your beliefs that my dear sister could be wrong." He shook his head, while he looked at me with a face full of self-assured confidence.

I watched him while he made ridiculously quick work of the sidewalk, returning back to where I had taken up a watchful perch on the porch. His hair was soaked, and he shook it in my direction, before he kissed me passionately and said goodbye.

He took off in the snow, the Volvo's tires struggling to find traction. I waved goodbye, and then I sprinted toward the back of the house, ready to hunt quickly and finish preparing myself for the day. I went through my routine quickly, ready for the last day of the workweek to begin, and more than anxious to spend two days uninterrupted with my family.

Less than two hours later, I heard the Hummer's tires crunching through the snow, the rubber and moisture making that familiar squeaky sound of contact. I shook my head, but grabbed my things prepared to tell Edward and Alice _'I told you so'_.

I heard the same, familiar knock on the door, and opened it, to see Edward standing there. Instead of his usual wardrobe of understated and casual clothing, he was dressed in a parka and ski pants, capped off with heavy duty boots. He kissed me quickly before stepping inside.

"You just won't give up on this, will you?"

He took the bag from my hand and placed it on the floor, before he stood back, crossing his arms across his chest, a smug smile on his handsome face.

My cell phone went off at precisely that moment.

I scrambled to my purse to retrieve it. I looked at the ID, not recognizing the number. I flipped it open, before saying, "Hello?"

"Good morning, _Elizabeth._ It's Amy from work. I guess hell officially froze over last night. Happy early weekend – we've got a snow day! Guess we'll see you Monday."

I stood there, unable to speak.

"_Elizabeth_? Are you there? Did you hear what I said?" Amy said to me. "_Elizabeth?" _Her voice was beginning to sound annoyed.

"Uh…sorry Amy. I'm right here. Just in a little in shock. I thought we never had snow days?"

Edward moved closer to me, his arms sliding around my waist, while he began to play with my hair. Great – how am I supposed to be able to carry on a conversation with him doing _that_?

"Well, seems the superintendent was on her way back from the board meeting last night, before her car unceremoniously slid into a ditch. She was so ticked, she called off school _yesterday_. Would've been nice if she'd started the emergency fan out last night, so everyone could have slept in, but it's a free day, an early start to the weekend, and I'm just so happy that I can go into town later and get some Christmas shopping done for my kids. Have a good one and don't forget to call your staff. See you Monday!" she said, before she hung up.

The phone went dead, and I felt Edward's arms tighten around me. "Told you so," he said quietly in my ear. His eyes were twinkling as he said it and no matter how annoyed I should have been, I just couldn't be upset because it meant I got to be with him all day.

My teacher's speech about how smugness and good manners never occupy the same space went right out the window when he kissed me. Instead of me giving him a piece of my mind, I felt his tongue slide into my mouth, the contact making me go weak in the knees. He felt me falter and grabbed me tighter, me surrendering to the kiss and both of us knowing that he won this round. We went on for a few minutes until I heard a feminine voice, clearing her throat, anxious for our attention.

I broke off our kiss, embarrassed that Alice had seen us that engaged in each other. Her face held nothing but obvious happiness, but after a moment she widened her stance, her hands securely attached to her hips. "So," she began, her voice full of mock exasperation, "you didn't believe Edward last night, did you? When will you ever learn?"

Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper marched in then, all of them smiling and obviously having heard everything. "Ready to go?" Emmett asked, chuckling at the situation. Rosalie punched him in the arm, silencing him, but not removing the stupid smirk from his face.

Oh…that's right. Sledding and a movie marathon.

Jasper handed me a bag, before he moved back to Alice's side. "What's this?" I asked.

They all shook their heads, their smiles looking like they were all in on the joke. I felt Edward's lips close to my ear. "Love, you look beautiful in whatever you're wearing, but you can't possibly sled in your slacks and sweater set. Alice brought you some clothes to _play _in."

The way Edward said the word '_play_' made me shiver with anticipation. I could only imagine what a day in the snow would be like with him.

"Alice," I turned toward her, "I'll try to never doubt you again. I'll go and change, and then we can get ready to go."

I took the stairs quickly, with Alice hot on my heels. I rapidly shed my clothing, while she found her way to my closet. "What are you doing, Alice?" I asked as I pulled the light blue sweater over my head.

"Packing."

"Packing what?" I questioned her, as I heard articles of clothing being pulled from hangers and shelves alike.

She stuck her head out the doorway to my closet, before she answered me. "Bella, we know that you _conveniently_ forget to pack your bag every Friday, so that you and Edward get to spend a little time together before coming over to the house for the weekend. I'm making sure that doesn't happen this time."

"Oh." I pulled on the navy blue ski pants before pushing my feet into the comfortable boots that were at the bottom of the bag. Alice came out of the closet, the leather bag in her hand, brimming with what I was sure were only articles of clothing that she had purchased.

She set the bag down, and grabbed a hair tie from my dresser. She pulled my hair into a low-set ponytail, and then spun me toward her. "Perfect. Just like in my vision. Today should be fun," she stated, with a devious smile on her face.

"Alice, should I be worried?" I asked.

"With Edward there? Absolutely not. You should know by now that he wouldn't let anything happen to you. Come on. We've got a long drive ahead of us." She tugged at my hand, until I followed, grabbing the bag on her way out. We were going so quickly, I barely had time to smack the light switch off on my way out.

She flew down the stairs with me in tow when I lost my footing again. She made it to the base of the stairs, when I realized that my feet weren't firmly planted, and I was already mentally making a list of what I would need to do to repair the floor next week. Before my face made contact, I felt strong hands grab me, righting me. It was Emmett's huge hands I felt clasped around me, setting me back on my feet.. "Bella," he snickered.

"Thanks, Emmett," I said almost mutely.

"Alice." Edward nearly growled moving toward us. Emmett got out of the way fast, still smiling.

Jasper took a step in front of his wife, looking at Edward head on. "Edward." He said with authority, his eyes holding an intensity showing he meant business – that he would defend his mate. I felt a strong wave of calm flow from him, but he never relaxed his stance.

I put my hands between them, before Alice joined me. They both began to visibly loosen up, and Alice laughed. "I'm just excited to spend some time with her, Edward." She turned to me. "Sorry Bella, but you'll need to put those legs of yours to good use if you're going to keep up with us!"

We headed toward the door, and climbed into the Hummer, which had three toboggans firmly attached to the roof's rack. Edward and I climbed into the back where he wrapped an arm around my waist, whispering sweet words in my ear.

I reached for my phone and dialed Mandy's number. It rang twice before a masculine voice answered. "Hello?" I immediately recognized Jack's voice, thick with sleep.

"Good morning, Jack." I tried to not sound too chipper. "Is Mandy still sleeping?"

"She's right here. Hold on," he offered.

I heard a delicate yawn, before I heard Mandy's gentle southern cadence. "_Elizabeth_? Is everything ok? Are you calling in sick today?" I could hear the rustle of bed sheets.

"No, I'm just fine. I just wanted to call and let you know that we don't have to work today. First snow day in a couple of decades! Enjoy your weekend with Jack."

She squealed, suddenly wide awake with the news. "Yay! Now Jack and I can go and get a Christmas tree and do a holiday lunch. I'm so pumped!" I contained my laughter while she continued. "You spending the day with Edward?" Her voice told me all too well that she knew what I'd be doing with my day of freedom.

"Yes, I'll be spending the day with Edward and his family. You have a great day, and I'll see you Monday. Only one week to go!"

Mandy thanked me for calling, and I could hear her jump on top of Jack, willing him to get up _now_ before the line went dead and Edward took the phone from my ear, dropping it back into my purse.

"You know," he whispered in my ear, "Mandy has the right idea. We need to start decorating our home for Christmas. I was thinking along the lines of a tree, some lights, and maybe a couple dozens pieces of mistletoe, placed at appropriate places around the house. How does that sound?" His tone was playful, but full of purpose.

_Christmas_. I hadn't thought that far ahead. Before the Cullens came back into my life, Christmas vacation had been torturous with no place to go, and nothing to do. I didn't want to think about it right now, when things were so happy. "Edward, can we talk about it later?" I knew my tone had a false intonation of cheerfulness. I hoped he'd missed it so it wouldn't ruin the fun day.

He placed his cheek on the top of my head, and answered, "Anything you want."

We drove through the mountains, the steel chains cutting effortlessly through the snow. We finally pulled off, and they told me where we were headed. The place was abandoned. With more than four feet of snow and huge drifts, humans wouldn't dare come to this part of the state. But we weren't exactly normal, now were we?

The place was beautiful. Snow hung on every surface and ice in some areas, dripping from the bare tree branches. The whiteness of the snow was breathtaking, making everything appear clean and new. It reminded me so much of my new life – every experience ahead of me new and exciting. "It's gorgeous here."

Edward kissed my temple. "We found this place years ago, the last time we lived here. We always take advantage when the snow comes. Come on."

Emmett and Jasper pulled the sledding gear off the top of the truck, and Edward grabbed my hand, and led me toward the path where we could sled down the side of the hill, as he called it. Hill? This hill could have been a black diamond path at an exclusive ski resort.

He sat down on the sled, making sure to secure it on a flatter piece of the landscape. I looked down the hill in time to see Alice and Jasper taking off on theirs, the sheer speed making me dizzy. Alice's soprano voice was shrill with her laughter and screams.

Rosalie and Emmett shared a sweet kiss and a happy look before he pushed off, the sled picking up speed by the second. Rosalie's beautiful curly locks flew behind her, and I could see Emmett pull them aside with one hand, his other securely wrapped around her middle.

"Ready?" Edward asked me, offering me his hand.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I took his hand and he helped me down, and wrapped his arms around me from behind. He kissed the back of my head, before he pushed off with his feet. We began to slide down the hill, and he wrapped his legs around my calves, the intimacy of his touch making me suddenly shy.

As we picked up speed, the trees and bushes covered in snow whizzed past us. Edward had the reins of the toboggan in his hands, and I leaned back, flush against him. He began to hum in my ear as our momentum continued to increase. I closed my eyes, not willing to open them, knowing that we were going faster and faster.

We lost control somewhere near the bottom, and I felt Edward's arm wrap around me protectively, as we were launched from the sled. We sailed through the air, landing in a huge snow drift, at least a dozen feet from where the toboggan now rested, upside down in the snow.

"Bella."

I didn't respond.

"Bella love, open your eyes." I realized that we were in a makeshift igloo of snow, just the two of us, when he kissed me, making me forget everything but the closeness of him and the wonderment of how perfect the moment was. He broke off the kiss, reaching up to trace my nose and lips, before he kissed me once more. "I love you," he breathed worshipfully.

We could hear the laughter of his siblings, which made him grunt, exasperated with their idea of humor. Edward hopped up and helped me to my feet. As I attempted to brush the snow from both of our clothing, I looked up just in time to see a snowball hit him in the side of the face.

He pulled me behind him, before another snowball flew past me. I could hear Emmett's laughter, and Edward's growl, before he threw the both of us to the ground.

"Stay put. I'll protect you," he reassured in a playful tone.

"Protect me? Watch this," I answered boldly, knowing that I had something to contribute to this battle.

I flipped that switch in my mind, and that shield, my gift, went up, except the only people aware of it were Edward and I. He readied himself with a snowball to keep up appearances.

Emmett launched more snowballs, in rapid succession, attempting to pelt us until they came into contact with my protective barrier. "Hey! No fair!" he argued as he realized they were NOT making contact.

I taunted him, "All's fair in love and war!" I laughed as he futiley attempted another barrage. "If you can use your strength," I singsonged, "I can use mine!"

Edward kissed me, quietly tucking the snowball into my hand. "Can you bring it down swiftly?" he asked. I knew just what he was thinking.

Emmett had stopped hurling snowballs in our direction, when I dropped the shield, and launched one right at him, hitting him square in his handsome face. "You'll pay for that!" he threatened.

The assault continued. Back and forth, each of us took a turn behind the shield, pelting mostly Emmett with snowballs. It seemed that the family had years of payback saved up for him.

Rosalie especially liked the assault. "Can you get any closer?" she asked, her beautiful smile wide.

"Of course. Stay close to me, and I'll motion to you when to let him have it."

She took my hand, the other filled with frozen crystals, and we inched toward Emmett, where he was having enough difficulty defending himself from Alice, Jasper and Edward. We got close enough and I dropped the shield; she launched herself on his back, slamming the handful of snow down on his head.

Instead of him being angry, he grabbed her by the leg, and yanked her around toward the front of him, kissing her hard. I heard him whisper _'I love you'_ in her ear.

The day went on, until we were all completely soaked, and headed back toward the Hummer. The boys fastened the equipment back to the roof, and we headed back toward the house, ready for the weekend to start.

Esme greeted us at the door. She shook her head when she took in the sight of her children, shooing them upstairs to shower and change, chastising the boys for tracking in mud and water on her beautiful hardwood floors and priceless rugs.

Alice and Rosalie headed straight for their bathrooms and I heard their showers come on. Jasper and Emmett both waved at Edward and me when they followed their wives into their rooms.

"Why don't you take a shower in my room?" Edward offered.

I was soaked to the skin, and although I couldn't feel the cold from the dampness, I knew that it would feel great to shed my clothes and freshen up.

He grabbed my bag, took my hand, and we slowly walked up the stairs. "Did you have fun today?" he asked.

I nodded, too nervous to actually say a word. We arrived in his room shortly, the lights already on. He set my bag down in his private bath. "Fresh towels are in the linen closet, and I'll give you some privacy. Just say my name if you need anything."

He pulled me into his bath, the all white tiles in a honeycomb pattern looking bright and clean. He kissed me softly, smiling, and opened the linen closet door, pulling out several towels and placed them on the vanity, and then with one more longing look, he left me alone.

I inhaled deeply while starting the shower. I peeled off my wet clothes and stepped under the scalding hot water, letting the temperature of it begin to warm my cold skin. I glanced at the bottles of cleanser and shampoo, and thought my eyes were deceiving me. Among the expensive containers of salon quality enhancers, I found a bottle of strawberry scented shampoo exactly like what I used to use back in Forks. I reached for it, squeezing a larger than needed amount into my palm, massaging my hair, and then rinsing it.

I got out, dried off hastily and changed into a clean pair of jeans complimented by a beautiful, dark blue sweater. I wrapped my wet hair in a towel, and opened the door to Edward's room.

I nearly fell over when I saw him. He was facing his closet, all the clothing neatly hung on hangers, and other items perfectly folded on the adjacent shelves. Edward's back was to me, as he pulled a new outfit to change into from the shelves. He was shirtless, a towel wrapped around his waist, his back still glistening from the shower he'd just had, most likely in Esme and Carlisle's room. His strong muscles flexed with every movement, his arms strong as he reached for socks on one shelf and a pair of jeans on another. He was about to drop the towel, to begin putting on his clothing, when I cleared my throat.

"Um...ah…Edward?"

He spun around, his surprise etched all over his face. "Bella, I had no idea you were there." He sputtered breathlessly.

_Sure you didn't._ "I'll just step back into the bathroom, and you can finish changing. Or, I can leave the room and give you some privacy." I started toward the door, but he rushed to my side.

"No. Don't leave. Stay." The look in his eyes halted my step.

He kissed me gently and my hands involuntarily found their way to his chest. I begged for entrance to his mouth, my tongue tracing his lips, which he granted eagerly. I couldn't breathe, when it hit me. Edward was here, in only a towel, and I was kissing him.

I reluctantly pushed myself away to look at his face. His eyes were still closed, but I could easily see the peace emanating from him, his shoulders relaxed, his face serene. He opened his eyes, and I kissed him once more, lightly on the mouth, and then attempted to make my way toward the door. "Come down when you're ready."

He refused to let me go, and I stopped, my head cocked to the side, wondering what he was doing. "I'm not leaving, Edward. I'll just be downstairs with the others, waiting for you."

He took my hand and led me toward the couch, motioning for me to sit down. "I'll just go and change, and you can sit here. Please. Just wait for me." The look of hope in his golden eyes was enticing.

I nodded, so he grabbed his clothing, and in a blur, rushed into the bathroom, where I could hear him hastily pulling on his clothes. He emerged from the bathroom in less than a minute, the same towel that was once wrapped around him, now in his hand, drying his hair.

I reached up realizing that my hair was still in a towel, and hurriedly took it down. The mess of wet, dark locks were in my eyes, when I felt the couch dip slightly. I felt Edward's hands on my knees. I looked up, to see him smiling at me. "May I?"

He showed me the flat hairbrush he was holding, his eyes pleading with me to allow him to comb out the tangle of thick waves. "You want to?"

"You have no idea." He stood up, moved behind me, while I felt him reach for a handful. The brush meshed itself with my hair, I sat back with my eyes closed, relaxing into his caring touch. The bristles made contact with my scalp and I couldn't help but moan at the stream of contentment flowing through my person.

"Feel good?" Edward asked.

"Feels amazing. Could you do this every night?" I teased.

He finished, putting the brush on the table behind the sofa. "When you're my wife, I'll make good on that very request."

I shivered with the joy those words generated, but tried hard to hide my excitement. He went and started a fire as I sat back and studied him. He came back to collect me from the sofa, his hand reaching for mine. He grabbed several pillows and tossed them toward the rug in front of the now crackling fire.

"Edward, everyone's waiting for us downstairs."

"They're going to start without us. We'll go down in a bit. I just want to have you to myself for a while. Is that all right?"

My only response was a kiss…and he returned it eagerly. I sat down, and he plumped pillows, placing them behind my back. He came down to the floor, and I patted my leg this time. He looked at me in confusion, until I reached up to kiss him. When I pulled away, I gently guided his head toward my lap.

His arm draped over my thighs, and it was his turn to sigh in contentment. I ran my fingers through his still damp hair that was beginning to dry from the heat of the fire. His sighs became deep moans, sounding almost like the purrs of a cat and blissfully serene.

"Feel good?" I asked him this time.

"Amazing. Can we do this more often?" He asked daringly.

"When you marry me, I'll do just about anything you ask, Edward."

He barely nodded as I continued to caress his hair and scalp. We sat there in silence for awhile, the only sound an occasional _pop_ of a log and our steady breathing.

"Have you heard from the university yet?" he asked, almost timidly.

"No, but I'm pretty certain that my job is gone."

He stiffened beneath my touch. "Bella, I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I can help you look for another one after the first of the year."

I laughed lightly. "I won't be able to find another evening position like that one, Edward. At least not until next year. It's all right."

"Well, I've been meaning to ask you why you work so much." Edward began to draw soothing circles on my knee through my jeans. His touch was so comforting. "Was it to keep you occupied, to keep you busy when you were still alone?" He almost whispered.

"Yes, there's that. But there's another reason."

"What's that?" His tone held genuine curiosity.

"Well, my expenses are almost nothing, Edward. Every spare dime that I don't spend is going into an account for Grace. I may not be able to be there for her, but I can provide for her future. I can make sure that she can go to any college she wants, travel, have the life that I didn't have."

It hurt to think of my little girl, but I tried to push that thought aside. I had Edward now, and I was determined to hold on to some happiness. I would continue to work and save for whatever she had coming in the years ahead. I wasn't sure how I would present it when the time came, but I felt confident that Jake would be agreeable.

"I see. May I ask you a few more questions?"

Suddenly, a hint of anxiousness began to bite at me. "Sure. What else do you want to know?"

"Bella," he began softly, "how did you do all this? I've been changing identities, and moving to new places for more than a hundred years, but I also had someone with me, supporting me, making the adjustment more bearable. How did you do all of this on your own?"

I continued to run my fingers through his thick hair, my fingers getting tangled in the messy waves that were now dry. "Well, after I took care of Victoria, I couldn't bear to think of myself just roaming the world without some semblance of order to my life."

"Thank God, or we never would have found you again." he murmured, tightening his hold on me.

"Yes, thank God for that. But I had to try to be normal, even if I was no longer human. And I needed to add to the amount of money I already had for Grace. Before you came back into my life, my only focus was providing for her future."

"Money? Bella, didn't the pack force you to leave without taking anything? Didn't Victoria take your purse, leaving you with nothing? How did you do all of this? Purchase a home, get a job, a new name? I just can't figure it out."

I bit my lower lip, realizing that it was time to tell him everything. "Well, after Victoria was gone, I started asking around. I needed a new identity, and thought the best way to obtain one was to buy it."

"How could you possibly afford something like that? That would be well beyond your means, Bella."

I laughed and started to massage his shoulders. "Well, you remember how I told you that Charlie left me everything?"

"Of course. He wouldn't have done anything but that."

Thinking of Charlie made me smile as I remembered my wonderful father. "Well, when I sat down with the financial planner, she found out that I was in the midst of a divorce. She'd just split up with her husband, and he'd taken her to the cleaners. She insisted that I put the money in an off-shore account, accessible only by a pin number, thinking it would protect it from Jake, which was absurd. Jake would never have taken it from me. She set the whole thing up though and I went along with it, if only to placate her. When I realized I'd need money to start my new life, I was grateful that the pin I'd used was _G-R-A-C-E_, just like I used for everything else."

"Very wise," Edward teased.

I laughed again. "Yes. And when I found someone who could help start me on the road to that new life, I was able to transfer the funds to him. He got me everything I needed. New social security number, teaching credentials, and photo ID – everything that I would need to start over."

Edward was very quiet, until I heard him take in a shallow breath, his hand reaching up and stilling mine. "Bella, why _Elizabeth_ _Marsten_? Why that name?'

I squeezed his hand tightly. "I couldn't use the name Bella anymore. It would be far too easy for people to find me, and I couldn't have that. I still lived in fear from the pack. I wasn't sure if they would keep their promise to let me live, and I needed to ensure that Grace had what she needed – the only thing I could give her. So this guy suggested that I change my name. When he asked, _Elizabeth_ just popped out of my mouth. I didn't even think about it."

"Is that a family name, Bella? A grandmother? An aunt?" He pressed gently, but the tone of his voice told me that he already knew what my answer would be.

"No. I hope you don't mind, but I took your mother's name. I finally was immortal, which is what I wished for so many times when we were together ten years ago. With no one, and still wishing you were with me, this was the only way I could still feel close to you. I was going to add Masen as my last name, but reconsidered at the last second, since I didn't have you. I changed the spelling, but in my heart it was always Masen."

I took a deep breath before continuing. "Edward, even when you were gone, and I was with Jacob, you were always a part of me. Even after I married Jake, the love I had for you never died. I put it in a tiny box, and hid it away in my heart. I loved you too much to let you go. I don't ever want to let you go again."

"Bella, I had no idea. I'm so sorry that you were alone through all of this.."

I placed my hand over his mouth. "No more apologies. I want to move forward. No more dwelling on the past. Please? Its just like you said – I'm not alone anymore, not with you here."

We were silent for a while, while I resumed playing with his hair.

"Bella?"

"What?"

"What you said about Grace -- I can take care of all that. I can provide for the both of you. I know that you love what you do, but you don't have to work. Then I can keep you all to myself, spending time with you, loving you, protecting you."

I couldn't help but smile. "Edward, I only need your love, not your protection."

Edward sat up, grabbing both sides of my face in his hands fiercely, looking me straight in the eye. "Bella, there isn't one man in this house that wouldn't give his very life for the woman he loves, and that includes me. Part of being with me is understanding that I would do_ anything_ to keep you safe, to protect you, to love you. More than anything, I want you to be happy -- I want to give you _everything_. Can you just let me do that? Please?"

The tone of his voice and the urgency in his eyes startled me. "Edward, we have plenty of time. We've got forever ahead of us. We'll figure out what to do about Grace, and you and I _will_ be together. Nothing is going to change that now."

He kissed me again, his shoulders relaxing. "Just promise me that you'll think about it, please?"

I smiled, and gave him the only answer that made sense. "I will – I _promise_."


	49. Chapter 48: Light It Up

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: Thanks to heartbroken1, who turned this around in mere hours, even as sick as is! Whatever's got you, make it go away! It's officially summer - at least for me!_

_To Mandi1, who inspires me -- eight more days --I'm still pumped!_

_And especially, to grumpy grizzly, who pulled me through this chapter...it was a toughie! And took a look at last minute additions...good to know you've got a friend when inspiration strikes! We wouldn't be posting now if it weren't for her...probably still be several days out!_

_All these ladies have great stories - if you're looking for a good read, check any of them out! Grumpy has a Harry Potter story - the ONLY one I read!_

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 48: Light It Up

Bella's POV:

I shook my head, my teeth biting my lower lip, unable to form any words.

"Bella, talk to me. What's wrong with this one?" Edward pointed out another beautiful Fraser fir from the tree farm just waiting to be chopped down to fulfill its Christmas destiny.

I could imagine the gorgeous tree, freshly cut, its strong woodsy fragrance filling our tiny living room. The tree would look magnificent covered in tiny, twinkling lights and glittery ornaments covering every square inch, with some type of lovely tree topper. An angel perhaps? I fought to keep the grimace from my face.

Edward put the ax down in the snow, carefully propping the handle against the soft branches. "Bella honey, what's wrong? We've been here for an hour, and you've found a problem with every single tree that we've looked at. Don't tell me you'd rather have an artificial tree – Alice wouldn't hear of it!" His voice was full of false mocking, his smile wide, which made my stomach twist even more.

I knew he was teasing and tried hard to be cheerful, but realized that eventually I'd have to tell him what was really bothering me. I felt his fingers touch my forehead, trailing down my jaw line, until he cupped my chin, tenderly lifting my face to look up at him.

"What is going on in that clever mind of yours, Bella? You've been so quiet most of the day, which isn't like you." His eyes searched mine, desperate for some type of explanation.

I sighed. "Nothing is really wrong. I just don't think I want a tree this year. Your family has a huge one. I don't even want to think about how Alice got to the top of it to decorate." I thought of the huge, two story tree in the entryway of the Cullen home. "Oh, and let's not forget the one in the parlor, and the others in each bedroom."

Alice explained to me that every year, they would decorate the tree based on the time period of each Cullen's human life. Given Edward's and my reconciliation, they had decided to skip Emmett this year, which made him sulk, and instead moved Edward's turn to this year in order to make Christmas that much more special for the two of us.

Edward and I had a long conversation about the Christmases the Cullens endured for the past decade. With them hunting Victoria, desperate to keep me safe, Christmas hadn't been in the forefront of their minds until the past couple of years. And when Alice tried to reinstate the family traditions for the past two years, Edward's state of mind hadn't been receptive to the idea of celebrating.

Now that I was back in his life, he talked non-stop about how excited he was to commemorate the first of many Christmases with me. I was less than receptive to the idea of observing a holiday that held little joy for me, though I was determined to be happy for Edward's sake. He'd been through too much over the past ten years to not have something special.

"Bella?" I looked up from my boots to see Edward's face filled with confusion as well as concern for me.

I sighed. "I want to spend time with you, Edward – with your entire family. We don't need a special day on the calendar in order to be together."

He took my hand in his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Bella, I want this Christmas to be a new start for us, and that includes coming home to find the house decorated. I'll take care of everything – you don't have to do a thing." When I still didn't respond, he tried again. "Sweetheart, what aren't you telling me?"

My eyes shifted sideways, as the uneasiness continued to churn in my stomach. How on earth could I explain this?

"Come on. Walk with me for a while. Just tell me what's bothering you, Bella. I want this to be special for the both of us, but unfortunately, I can't read your mind," he teased, his grin wide.

I couldn't help but smile at his attempt to make me happy. He led me toward the back of the tree farm, away from all the happy families looking for their picture perfect tree. He found an old apple crate, and flipped it over so he could sit on it. He pulled me on to his lap, kissing me softly. "What is it? I hope that by now you know that you can tell me anything."

I fiddled with the buttons on my coat, knowing that I needed to tell him what was upsetting me, but having absolutely no idea how to start, I just sat there and looked at him.

"Bella, I've got all day." He looked at me seriously, though his eyes twinkled with an encouraging warmth that made my courage swell.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Edward." I frantically looked for an explanation that would accurately decipher what was in my heart, while protecting his.

He fiddled with my fingertips, his touch still passionate through the cashmere-lined leather gloves that Alice had purchased for me last week. "Bella, I can't help if I don't know what's upsetting you. Just tell me and we can figure it out together," he said.

I tried to look anywhere except his eyes since those beautiful topaz irises had a way of burning right through my resolve. I decided to give in and get it over with. "Edward, I don't celebrate Christmas."

His brow furrowed in confusion. "Bella, I don't understand. You and I have been talking about the holidays for the last couple of weeks. I thought you were just as excited for Christmas as I am, not to mention your vacation from work, and us spending time with the family. Alice is beside herself, knowing that you'll be with us nonstop for a couple of weeks. Just what exactly do you mean?" He started to sound genuinely hurt. "What's the problem here?"

I stroked his cheek with my hand, hoping that my eyes would communicate how very much I loved him, and would never lie to him. "Edward, it's not that. I _want_ to spend time with you. I just haven't been very receptive to the idea of Christmas for the past few years. Christmas used to be very important to me, but with everything that's happened, I just don't know how to…"

He looked at me in utter bewilderment, until his eyes widened with understanding. "Oh Bella, I can't believe I was so completely blind. It makes perfect sense. You lost…"

We both sat there, unable to finish our sentences, both trying to comfort the other. Ever since losing everything in my human life, Christmas no longer held the same meaning for me. That last year, before Victoria finally found me was one of the toughest I'd ever endured. Losing Charlie, divorcing Jacob, and then the worst – having to lose Grace, not even having the chance to hold her or say goodbye one last time.

Christmas was definitely _not_ at the top of my priority list.

But despite all that, I was determined to make new traditions, to enjoy the fact that I would never have to be alone again. Edward was here, he loved me, and everything was as it always should have been. It wasn't so much that I didn't _want_ to enjoy the holiday – I was just hoping that I would have a little more time to acclimate to it in our home.

I knew that I could go to the Cullens during my work break, suffer through the lights, many beautifully decorated trees, and the endless Christmas music that Alice seemed to be playing twenty-four hours a day – but the best part, the part that enticed me, was spending time with Edward and my new family. I just didn't want to have to look at another decorated tree when I went home too.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I think in time, I'll be fine with the whole tree and lights thing, but right now, can we just enjoy it at your house? Just this year, can we do that?" I asked, hesitantly.

He kissed me softly, and then his forehead rested against mine. "Bella, there is no time limit on when you have to be ready to celebrate with me. I don't care how long it takes, or if it never happens. As much as I can, I empathize with what you must be feeling. You lost everything during holidays – that whole last year for you was one tragedy after another. I'm sorry I pushed this so much. Please say that you forgive me."

His eyes were full of pain looking for forgiveness, but there was something else there that I couldn't put my finger on. I pushed the thought aside, thinking it was my overactive imagination, and determined to release him from his non-essential guilt. He looked liked he was about to say something else, but at the last moment kept his mouth firmly closed.

I leaned forward and kissed him. "Forgiven. However…" I trailed off, my voice heavy with suggestion.

"Yes?" His playful tone had returned…_thank God._

"I'm a bit receptive to the whole mistletoe thing. Would that be enough for now?"

He kissed me hard with his obvious excitement over my concession before he stood up, taking me with him. His hands lingered on my waist, and I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck. My sweater hiked up, and his long fingers made contact with my bare skin, making me shiver, but certainly _not_ from the cold.

He broke off the kiss, looking at me shyly. "Sorry about that, love."

"I'm not," I said, hoping that my voice conveyed exactly how much I enjoyed the touch.

He smiled back at me, before taking my hand so we could retrieve and return the ax, and then drove us back home.

It had been a couple of weeks since that fateful day in his bedroom, when we decided to both stop being so stubborn, and reach out toward one another again. As we continued to rebuild our delicate relationship, we found ways to strengthen the bond everyday. We continued to discover that the strength of our bond had _always_ been there and because it had grown even while we were apart, our physical relationship was budding – and quickly.

Edward was vigilant to never push too far, though some nights were more difficult than others. Now that the boundaries for my safety were no longer necessary, Edward and I found it almost impossible to keep our hands off each other. We were very much in love, and acting like newlyweds, without the obvious pinnacle act of lovemaking. Edward was the consummate gentleman, and I knew that final act wouldn't come without marriage. That was how things were done in his time, and although some nights felt like we were coming close, one of us would always pull back, knowing that when he did ask me again and we did marry, the wait would be well worth it.

We sat in the car, the only sound a CD that had recently become one of Edward's favorites. He hummed along with the melody, before he took my hand. "Bella, I completely understand about Christmas, but I have to ask. Once upon a time, you didn't want me to spend a dime on you for gifts. Is that still the status quo?"

My thoughts drifted back to my last birthday party with Edward, how we had fought about him spending any money on me – and for what? The night had been a complete disaster, which resulted in him leaving me. After Esme's intervention, the torturous week that I spent waiting for him to return from his family's business was spent in serious reflection about how things would be different if he were willing to take me back.

In Forks, the vast differences that Edward and I faced, including his family's vast supply of money, and my family's, well lack of funds, were some of the things I pondered on. But now, with a second chance, it didn't matter.

I _knew_ that I would eventually marry Edward, and that with that change in status and name, and more importantly, having him in my life _forever_, the whole money thing was something that would be a new constant in my life. As much as money truly didn't matter to me, I wasn't going to make a fuss over it anymore.

All the things that I used to focus on were no longer important. The only important things to me now were the people in my life – Edward and his family.

"Edward, you can do whatever you like for me for Christmas. I already have something very special planned for you. I just ask that you don't go _ridiculously_ overboard. Does that answer your question?"

Edward's swift driving had us already on the dirt road back to the house, and he slammed on the brakes, bringing the car to a dead halt, which jerked both us and vehicle with the change in speed. He was on top of me before I could blink, and I couldn't help but giggle. He covered my face with kisses, his deep, contented sighs telling me that my announcement had been exactly what he'd been hoping for.

"Wonderful," he stated before putting the car back in gear, and traveling the last curve toward our home. "It looks like I have some shopping to do while you're at work this last week." He tried to hide the extraordinarily pleased smirk on his face, while I rolled my eyes.

"Just remember what I said, Edward. I don't really need anything." I looked at him, and his hand made contact with my cheek, his thumb gently caressing my skin. I leaned into his touch, craving more.

"Gift aren't about what you need, Bella. And I have some very special things in mind. Please just trust me." His smile was secretive, his eyes slightly closed to hide the meaning in them from me.

"I do." I could hear the hesitancy in my voice, and prayed that he couldn't. Since declaring our love for one another, I desperately wanted to believe that I trusted him, but old habits die hard.

"I'm going to prove it to you, even if it takes the rest of eternity, that you _can_ trust me, Bella."

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Edward. I do trust you. It's just that sometimes my mind and heart are not on the same page."

"Don't you dare apologize! After everything I put you through, it's natural. I'm so sor-"

"Edward!" My tone was harsh, much harsher than I intended it to be.

We had come to a halt in the driveway, and he scrubbed at his face with his hand. I pulled his hand away, while I placed soft kisses on his fingertips. "Edward," I said much more softly this time, "please stop apologizing. We have to move forward, Edward or we'll never get anywhere."

He nodded, before he elegantly swept out of the car, coming to my door and helping me out. His grin returned while he took my hand. "Speaking of shopping," he began, "how is your little project coming along?"

I pursed my lips, understanding what he was asking about. That night, after our wonderful snow day together with the rest of the Cullen children, Edward and I had finally found our way down to join the rest of his family for Alice's movie marathon. Now, instead of me sitting on the sofa, wishing I were in his lap, enjoying his scent and touch, I was stretched out on top of him, his arms wrapped around me tightly. He would whisper sweet things in my ear, caressing my shoulders and placing tender kisses on my neck.

We were on our second film, Jimmy Stewart's "It's A Wonderful Life." When George Bailey tells his Mary that he'll '_lasso the moon_' for her while they walked through the neighborhood after the dance, Jasper let out a huge chuckle. I heard him whisper something in Alice's ear about giving her the moon, and she responded by sighing contentedly. He grumbled back about never being able to surprise her because of her gift of sight.

"_Oh Jasper, I love everything that you give me. So what if I see it before the wrapping paper comes off? It's still special because you picked it out."_

Jasper's face grew frustrated, until it was transformed into one of a man who looked like he had found the answer to his prayers; his smile grew bright and cunning. "_I have the best idea_!"

He stood and came directly to me, crouching in front of where Edward and I sat together on the thick, plush rug in the middle of the family room. His expression was both evil and innocent, and so determined it made my stomach fill with butterflies. Edward tightened his grip on my waist as if he was ready to throw me behind him in case his brother decided to spring.

Alice jumped to her feet. "_No. Not going to happen_!"

Now I was nervous. I could tell from her intonation that she'd just had a vision, which was confirmed when Edward started to laugh heartily in my ear. "_Jasper, you're a genius_." His grip loosened, and he kissed my cheek, instantly relaxing me. "_Tell Bella what you're thinking_."

_Yes, please tell me what you're thinking,_ I thought_._ I sat there, trying to remain calm, when Jasper took my hand. "_Bella, before we told you what you were doing, you were blocking Alice's visions of you. Remember_?"

_Remember?_ Of course I remembered. Now that I had practiced my skills with the help of all the Cullens, I was much more in control of my gift. I nodded, and was about to say more when Alice jumped between Jasper and me.

"_No. She wouldn't do that to me. She wouldn't dare use her gift like that_." Alice's hands were on her hips in usual Alice style, as she refused to budge. Jasper simply scooped her up and moved her gently to the side causing her to sigh with impatience, and what distinctly sounded like a touch of panic.

I felt my forehead crease as I leaned forward. "_Jasper, just what __has Alice sighing and Edward thinking you're the next Einstein_?"

Jasper's smile widened even more. "_In all the years that I've been with Alice, I've never been able to surprise her. Not once. Now, if you flip that little switch of yours, as you call it, I'd be able to give you a list, a credit card, and I could, __for the first time__ in more than 65 years of knowing and loving her, be able to give her a truly memorable Christmas – one where she was finally surprised_."

I gazed at him, touched by the loving desire he had to surprise his wife. With my gift, Alice wouldn't be able to see me shop for her, and she could have a true Christmas – one where she would be unsuspecting just like everyone else.

Alice's lovely pixie face was twisted in apprehension as she came to sit next to Edward and me on the carpet. "_Bella, don't do this. I don't need surprises. I've been completely at ease with knowing my Christmas presents for years. As soon as anyone makes a decision, I see it, and every selection has been lovely. Well, except for the year Emmett thought it would be a neat idea to gift me a crystal ball, complete with a muumuu and a feathered turban_." She rolled her eyes, remembering the thought.

By now, the entire Cullen family had lost interest in the movie, their smiles wide, as they started to laugh with merriment. "_Jasper, that is a fascinating idea! How about it, Bella? Could you help us surprise Alice this year_?" Carlisle asked, his eyes twinkling with the thought of keeping Alice guessing.

Rosalie giggled, until her eyes made contact with Alice. She quickly covered her mouth, but her eyes were still full of laughter. Emmett joined in and before I knew it, the whole family was having a laugh, which only infuriated Alice more. Her demeanor had turned into that of a petulant child not getting her own way.

"_Come on, Bella. Isn't it time for a little payback_?" He rubbed his hands together as his smile grew more devious.

"_Payback_ _for what exactly, Emmett_?" Alice quizzed, her eyes darkening, looking at her big brother as if daring him to back up his statement.

Rosalie threw her head back as she began to laugh again with ease. She too, gently pushed Alice aside, drawing closer to where Edward and I sat. "_Oh please, Alice." _She looked back over at her sister, where Alice looked like she was about to have a tantrum._ "How about torturing her relentlessly during prom? Or trying dresses on her for the cocktail party? You must have wrangled her into at least fifty of them, right_?"

"_I DID NOT! And I just wanted her to look nice. What's wrong with that_?" Her trademark pout was in place, and she looked at me, her doe-like eyes wide and innocent, while she muscled her way back toward the center of the room, where the entire family was beginning to gather.

Esme moved closer to me as Alice was again pushed out of the circle. "_Oh, Alice. Is Bella aware that you ordered the blue dress for the cocktail party on purpose, even though she distinctly said that she wanted the black one_?" Esme quizzed, her eyes narrowed at her daughter. Alice shot her another dark glare for her betrayal.

"_What_?" I nearly screeched.

Her arms were crossed against her chest, the look of panic beginning to take hold of her features. "_Hmph…it all worked out. You were being stubborn, Bella. I was just trying to push you in the right direction_." Her look of panic turned to one of matter-of-fact innocence as she tried to stare me down.

Emmett took Alice's arm with one hand, effortlessly lifting her out of his way, while he inched closer to me. "_Bella, you should know that she stacked the deck so that Edward would win the bet at the poker game,_" he explained, his smug grin making Alice's eyes widen.

"_Alice_!" I exclaimed. This idea of payback was beginning to look more and more appealing.

"_Fine. I did stack the deck, but Edward was in on it too. So sue me_!" Alice exclaimed.

"_Edward_! _You never told me that_!" I exclaimed. I shifted in his arms to face him, looking for confirmation.

"_You never asked_," Edward responded, looking sheepish but unapologetic.

Although I thought this would be the perfect retribution to get even with Alice, I thought back to one of the few Christmases I could recall. I'd found my mother's hiding place, and on Christmas morning, I had no surprises. I remembered how disappointed I'd felt when I knew what I was getting ahead of time. How sad that Alice had never had the opportunity to be genuinely surprised!

From the look on my face, Alice grimaced, knowing that she had lost. "_What would be the harm for just one year, Alice? Can't we just try it_?" I asked innocently, my eyes willing her to understand that this could be fun for her, and that we all loved her enough to go through with the elaborate plan. I smiled at her, imagining her shaking the gifts under the tree, resembling a small child unable to contain her curiosity.

She rolled her eyes dramatically. "_Fine. But it doesn't mean that I have to like it. It's just not how things have worked for well… ever, but I'll try to not make too much of a fuss about it_." She forced a smile, but we could all see through her façade. She wasn't happy about this turn of events, but she'd go along with it, if only to prove her point that she was happy with the way things had been. That and she really had no choice.

I had to give her credit. She was relinquishing her control of the situation with more dignity than I expected. I took her hand, closing my eyes before flipping the switch in my mind. This almost made Christmas seem a little more exciting. Jasper hurriedly went to the desk in the corner of the Cullen's living room, and came back with a hastily scrawled note.

"_Go_ _ahead, Alice. Can you get a vision of what I put on the paper for Bella's eyes only_?" Jasper touched her cheek gently, his eyes fixed solely on his mate.

Alice took both of Jasper's hands, closing her eyes, taking a deep breath. She stilled, her chest not even moving to take a breath. The look of concentration on her face was fascinating. She stood there for several minutes, all of us quiet, as we waited to see if this little experiment would work.

Her shoulders finally sagged, and she opened her eyes. "_Looks like it's working. I can't see anything_," she whimpered, her voice small and quiet.

Jasper hugged her tightly, his smile wide and full of mischief. For some reason, his soft southern drawl was more intense, stronger with each word. "_Trust_ _me, darling. This will be a Christmas you'll never forget_."

Alice's face twisted in frustration. "_I __**never**__ forget any holidays, Jasper. But to make you happy, I'll go along with your request_."

The rest of the family rushed from the room, eager to make lists for Alice. I sat there, trying hard not to laugh at Alice's face that seemed to be permanently carved into an expression of discontent.

Before long, the entire family returned, and handed Jasper their lists, which he securely sealed in a lined envelope to keep Alice's prying eyes from picking up any clues as to what their gifts might be for their tiny sister.

"_Bella, I'll get you a credit card by tomorrow. It won't have a limit, so you won't have any problem purchasing gifts. If you have any questions, just ask_." I'd never seen Jasper so animated before. His expression easily conveyed his excitement over our little holiday plan to make Alice's Christmas memorable. He left to run down to his study to call the credit card company to add me to one of the family's many accounts.

Edward led me to the car, and when I was safely locked in and away from Alice's prying eyes, I opened the envelope. I could feel my eyes grow wide as I started to look at the gift choices for Alice. I had no idea how I was supposed to accomplish some of these gifts by the magic date of December twenty-fifth.

"_Edward, am I supposed to purchase all of these_?" My voice was full of disbelief.

I could see Alice from the front porch, stomping her foot, while Esme tried to comfort her, her smile just as wide and accommodating as it always was. Alice was muttering something about "_not fair_" and "_why me?_" I chuckled with amusement, when I felt Edward take my hand.

Edward's tenor voice was full of humor. "_I'll help you with all of this. What a brilliant idea of Jasper's! For once, the only one that won't be surprised this Christmas will be me_." His smile was wide, when I leaned over and kissed him.

"_You'll_ _be surprised by my gift, remember? You can't read my mind_," I teased.

"_Well, that's very true. This will be a wonderful holiday, especially with you here – one that no one in this family will ever forget_." He kissed my temple.

I smiled as I remembered that day less than two weeks ago. "Shopping is going just fine. I just got a confirmation today that Jasper's big gift is ready. I'll get an entire packet outlining her itinerary that Alice can open Christmas morning. They promised to make it unique and thematic, considering what Jasper wanted for her. Thank you for helping with that one."

Edward had arranged this particular gift for Alice without interference from me. He'd made all the calls, took care of any questions, while I was at work during the day. I wouldn't have had a clue where to begin, but the one time that I watched Edward in action was amazing. He was like a top negotiator, working that phone like it was a room full of women just begging to do his bidding.

Every one of the family's gifts for Alice was like one of those exclusive gifts from the Neiman Marcus Christmas catalog. I really didn't want to know the price of everything, but my mind couldn't help but tally every dollar that continued to be placed on that glossy black credit card. I methodically checked off each item that the family had carefully selected for Alice.

I would come home some afternoons to find various notices on my door that the UPS of FedEx man would be returning the following day with even more gifts for Alice.

"Do you all buy so many gifts for Alice every year?" I asked, my mind once again returning to the present.

We were inside the house now, where Edward was helping me with my coat, deftly removing it from my shoulders, and then hanging it on the hallway coat tree.

"No, not normally. Depends on the year, but given that she'll finally be surprised, everyone is taking full advantage. Did you get the final paperwork regarding Carlisle's and Esme's gift for her?"

I thought back to the quick trip that Edward and I made last weekend, since the lawyer wouldn't take a signature by proxy. It had been wonderful to get away with him for a couple of days – especially to do something so special for Alice. When you had unlimited money, it was amazing how much you could accomplish in so little time.

The idea of surprising Alice, however, was fun. She would continually try to pry information from me, reminding me of a wayward child, hell bent on discovering every secret.

Edward had moved us into the living room, starting with our afternoon ritual of making a fire. I was checking on the supply of wood, ready to go out and retrieve some from the huge cord he'd ordered, when he grabbed me securely around the waist and steered me toward the sofa. He guided me down, before placing a small kiss on my mouth.

"How is the rest of your shopping coming?" He continued to poke at the slowly expanding flames, the smell of kiln dried wood filling our small space.

"Well, I finished most of the shopping for the family. I'm still waiting to pick up your gift, but other than that I'm done." I curled up on the sofa, waiting for him to join me.

"I'm not talking about the family, Bella." He didn't look at me, but the sound of his voice was somber.

I got what he was asking. "Oh, I got Mandy the best gift. I was able to secure some tickets to this musical that she's been dying to see, as well as a gift certificate for a steak house that she and Jack can go to before or after the show. She should love it!" I smiled, thinking how blissfully happy Mandy had been as of late. She and Jack were in love, and I wanted them to have something from me that they could experience together.

Edward finished stoking the fire, and came over to where I was sitting. I sat up, anxious to make room for him. Instead, I felt my brow crease in confusion when he knelt in front of me. His eyes were serious, which immediately made my curiosity spike.

He took my hand. "I meant for Grace, Bella. Have you purchased any Christmas presents for Grace?"

I shook my head, as the sheer idea of what he was suggesting was taking hold. "Edward, I've never purchased a gift for Grace, not since I left La Push. How could I start now?'

"Bella, she might enjoy receiving a gift from her mother – her real mother. I'd be happy to go with you, if you'd like, though I somehow think Alice might be a better choice."

"Edward," I began patiently, "I can't send Grace any gifts. She doesn't know who I am, and even if she does, she thinks I'm dead. How would that work? Receiving a toy or book from someone who supposedly died three years ago? It just doesn't make sense."

Edward pulled his hand through his thick hair, making a mess of his bronze waves. "Bella, I think it's time for you to contact Jacob. I think it's time that you saw your daughter again." His eyes were tender, but his jaw was firm, determined.

"Edward, I can't do that for so many reasons." I didn't want to ruin this moment, but I feared that my pitiful reason wouldn't suffice. I'd never confided in Edward that my biggest fear was hurting her. I didn't trust my voice to form the words – I was too ashamed to think of what _might _happen.

"Tell me why. You spend time everyday with your students. Most of them are the same age as Grace, and you've never been anything but wonderful with them. Bella, I've seen you work with them, making a difference in their lives. You can do the same thing for your child. You need Grace, just as much as she needs you."

I shook my head, not willing to look Edward head on. His hand grasped my chin, before he gently tipped my head up to face him. His eyes flashed, desperate for a response.

"Edward, it's not that simple. By now, Jacob must have told her that I died."

"What if he didn't?" He wasn't about to give up on this topic of conversation.

I didn't want the memory of Jake here, in our house. I didn't want to discuss my ex-husband with my future husband. I still cared for Jake, but he was part of my past, and there was no going back there now. "Edward, there are other things that you don't know. Other reasons why I need to stay away."

"I'm here. Talk to me. Tell me what's keeping you from going back there." He leaned back, crossing his legs. I knew he wouldn't budge until he got the answers he was looking for.

I took in a deep breath, knowing that I was delaying the inevitable. "Fine. It's a long story, though."

"I'm not going anywhere." He took my hand, stilling his movements.

Sighing, I looked for a place to begin. "Remember how I told you about the money I was saving for Grace, the trust fund I started for her once I moved here?"

He nodded, not answering me verbally. He squeezed my hand, which gave me the strength to go on.

"Well, there are more reasons I'm saving for her. Of course, I want her to go to college and travel, when the time comes, but more importantly, I want her out of La Push. _Permanently_."

Edward didn't respond, simply nodded, as if to indicate he was still listening.

I pursed my lips, choosing my next words carefully. "I want Grace to have a different life – one that I never had. And I'm trying to save her a whole lot of heartache."

Edward's brow creased in confusion, and my hand involuntarily reached over, looking to ease the deep creases that had formed. "I don't understand, Bella. What heartache do you see in her future?"

"Edward, she's Jacob Black's daughter. Billy Black's granddaughter. Ephraim Black's great-granddaughter. Not to mention my little girl. The deck is seriously stacked against her."

He leaned forward, his face never more serious in all the time I had known him. "Bella, I'm not following you. Help me understand this."

"Well, she very well might carry that werewolf gene. Leah phased this generation, and there's no guarantee that she'll be the only female that ever turns into some giant werewolf. I don't want that for my little girl. I don't want her to be without a choice. If at all possible, I want to cheat destiny. I _have_ to get her out of there."

"How is staying away and stockpiling money going to do that?"

"Edward, more than likely, she carries that gene. If she's around vampires too often, that gene will kick start, and she'll be forced to live as Jacob does now, tied to a tribal legend that she has no say in. I see what it costs Jacob, and I'll be damned if I sit here and don't help her find a way out. But that's also why I can't go back. Don't you see?" I finished, hoping that he understood and that we could move forward.

"No."

I took in a giant breath, praying that I could be calm, finally saying something that had always been on my mind, but that I'd never said aloud before. "Edward, if I'm around her too much, I could start the process, and I would never forgive myself. It would be all my fault." I was panting from the force with which I had spoken.

Edward's confused expression instantly smoothed, his face taking on that stone façade that he'd become so good at after more than a hundred years of living amongst humans. It triggered something in my head and heart, but I forced it aside, not willing to let my imagination take control again.

"Edward, I want her out of La Push. Even if she doesn't become what her father is, there's a very good chance that other children her age might, and she might fall in love with one of them when she's grown. Now that we know that every single one of them imprints, her chances of heartbreak are multiplied. I know firsthand how that feels, and I don't want her going through that."

"Bella, how is getting her away from the reservation going entirely prevent that? Imprinting is not the only way to get your heart broken."

I shook my head, not wanting to face something that I couldn't protect her from. I soldiered on, wanting to explain more. "Jacob has two sisters – Rachel and Rebecca. They were both gone, off the reservation, nowhere near you and your family, or the other rogue vampires that happen to pass through from time to time. Last I heard, they were both happy, married, and living their lives. They got out, and made their own destiny, which is exactly what I want for Grace. Can you understand what I'm trying to say?"

Edward nodded slowly, but his gaze had fallen to the floor, looking at the pile in my rug, as if he was determined to memorize the subtle pattern for future reference.

I leaned toward him, cupping his cheek.

He looked up at me, but his eyes weren't decipherable. "I understand, Bella. But I still think that you need her. What you're doing is no different than what I did ten years ago, and look what it did – it hurt us both. You much more than me."

I shook my head, when I thought back to how much Edward suffered during our time apart. "That's different, Edward. You did that to keep me safe. I'm doing this because it's the only way."

Edward gaze intensified, his topaz eyes almost glowing from his resolve and the reflection of the fire. "No it isn't. Bella, _you_ are doing the exact same thing – the only difference is, you don't have to. Grace needs her mother, and you need her. Why can't you see that?"

I closed my eyes, knowing that what Edward said was right, but not wanting to face the truth. In my heart, as much as it hurt, this was the only way. "I'm doing what's right. It isn't easy, but parenting is about doing what's best for the child, even if it means that a piece of my heart will always be missing. I'm taking care of things financially – that will have to be enough." I hoped the tone of my voice would let him know that I was done with this conversation.

Edward sighed, his pitch letting me know that he was going to put the topic aside. "Bella, how exactly will you get the money to her? How will you present her with this huge gift, without her knowing where it came from? Have you worked that out yet?"

I nodded. "I'm sure that when it's time, Jake will be amenable to what I have planned. He's never been anything but wonderful since I left, sending me the photos and little updates about Grace."

His eyes softened, eager for information. "I had no idea that Jake did anything more than send you a daily photo. What does he tell you?" His tone showed me he was genuinely interested in learning more about my little girl.

I smiled, thinking of all the information that he relayed to me via email. "Well, her grades, what she's interested in at the moment, what books she's read, her favorite foods – you know, just everyday things. Even though some days it really hurts, it's still wonderful to know that she's happy, and more importantly, that she's safe. Jacob is keeping his promise, and I'll do what I can from my end. It's just how it has to be. As much as I would love to run to the local bookstore, buy her a book or two, or run to the toy store and buy her a lovely doll with a dress in her favorite shade of lavender, I just can't. It wouldn't be fair to her."

Edward just kept nodding, his face almost expressionless. I attributed his lack of response to never being a parent, never understanding how a parent loves, sacrifices, does everything they can for their children. I couldn't blame him. He thought only of me now. I was grateful for that, but I was firm in my decision.

"Do you ever respond to the emails? You once said that you responded twice. The first was to thank him for the photographs, so he'd keep sending them, which gratefully, he did." Edward managed a weak smile. "What was the second one?" His expression was hopeful.

"The second was to let him know that I had taken care of Victoria, but to remind him to keep him promise. That just because I'd taken care of one, didn't mean that he could stop being vigilant when it came to Grace." I left out the information of how Jake begged for me to let him know where I was, to contact him, to call him and let him know that I was okay. I would _never_ do that, and that decision wasn't going to change.

To keep her safe, Grace was better off without me. It was the _only_ way. And in my heart, I knew Jake felt that way too.

Edward's head dropped to his chest, hanging limply from his shoulders. "I'm sorry I brought it up," he whispered.

"Don't be. It just shows me again how much you love me, how much you want me to be happy – and I'm so grateful for that. For you, and your love." I leaned down and kissed him, moving against his body, holding him close. We sat like that for a while, watching the fire, and just enjoying the touch of each other, no words passing between us.

* * *

The weeks before Christmas vacation passed quickly, and we stuck with our routine. I casually mentioned to Esme that my room mother for the month had broken her leg, and couldn't help me plan the Christmas party for the kids.

Esme jumped at the chance, enlisting Rosalie and Alice's help to make the party one that the kids would remember. They even _hired_ a Santa Claus, though I was quite certain that I recognized Emmett's booming voice from beneath the beard. He didn't stay long, but the kids loved him. He patiently sat while each child climbed up on his knee, desperate to tell him they had been good that year, and what they wanted for Christmas. He planted a big one on Rosalie before he left, eliciting laughter from the students, who found the entire situation hysterical.

Esme even had gifts for each student. Books, art supplies, and a small toy were wrapped and ready for every child. The joyous and awed faces were permanently etched into my memory.

Mandy thoroughly enjoyed herself, laughing and making easy conversation with the new members of my family. She and Alice were now getting along famously, my raven-haired sister offering her tips on planning her upcoming wedding.

Every day, Edward would collect me, driving me straight home. He had slowly transformed our home into a cozy abode with new paint colors on the walls, beautiful artwork from Esme, and new furniture in some of the rooms. He'd gotten us a much more comfortable bed, which we used almost nightly when we'd cuddle, whispering to each other in the dark.

Every night, I would notice a new sprig of mistletoe, placed somewhere appropriate. Doorways, light fixtures, and my favorite spot – directly in front of the fireplace, securely attached to the ceiling. And Edward was a crafty one. He drove us home one evening, only for me to discover a string of lights over the mantle, accented by beautiful white candles, which he lit, one by one.

"Edward, I thought that we decided on no Christmas lights this year?" I wasn't angry; my voice held nothing but patient curiosity.

"Oh – those aren't Christmas lights. Just simple romantic lighting – and they go with the candles," he offered, as he fought to keep the grin off his face.

I kissed him, before letting out a giant sigh. "Fine. We'll call it lighting – _this time_."

He added new things daily, but nothing was over the top. I think he was trying to be sensitive to my feelings, while making our place feel more homey. I didn't want to admit it, but the lights were nice. They reflected off the creamy walls, creating a feeling of complete peace and harmony, which is what we had now.

The days blended into one another, and soon the final day of work was upon me. I gave Mandy her gift, which made her squeal with delight. She hugged me hard, but I could feel her stiffen, when she felt my cold, hard body. We joked about my poor blood circulation, and she teased me to ease up on my workouts. I bid her a wonderful vacation and a very special first Christmas with her new husband. She blushed, telling me she was looking forward to spending time with him and her new family. She was leaving for New Orleans the day after Christmas, and was excited to ring in the New Year with Jack in the Big Easy.

Edward picked me up, and we headed home to get my clothes. Christmas was still a few days away, and we decided to leave Alice's hoard of gifts at our house to keep her from snooping.

The days effortlessly flew by, and I spent nearly every minute with the family, Edward especially. The only time I was alone was when I left to hunt. Edward and the rest of the family didn't pester me about coming along – I knew, in time, that I would be comfortable with showing them that side of me.

The family estate had a nearby lake that was theirs exclusively, and given the record snowfall, and record low temperatures, the once beautiful lake had hardened, transforming itself into a slick sheet of ice.

Christmas Eve morning, Edward produced a brand new pair of ice skates for me. Bright white, lined with pale blue padding and fluffy blue marabou pompoms, he dangled them in front of me while I sat on his sofa reading a book. His eyes were full of mischief, and I couldn't help but be intrigued by his proposition.

We grabbed coats quickly, making our way to the lake, just the two of us.

"Edward," I said, as we ran together, hand in hand, "I've _never_ skated before." The anxiety in my stomach was starting to build. I wasn't receptive to making a fool of myself today. There was a romantic feel to the atmosphere that I was sure would crumble if I were to display my klutzier side.

He held my hand tighter, as he smiled at me. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll teach you."

We made it to the frozen landscape, the hardened lake smooth and eager for us to slide across it. Edward sat me on an old tree stump before he removed my boots. He helped me stuff my feet into the skates, never breaking contact with my eyes while he meshed the laces up in an elaborate pattern.

Déjà vu hit me hard. "Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"This little exercise is reminding me of something. Mind if I ask you a question?"

He nodded, his smile widening, which made my whole body turn to mush. "The night of the cocktail party, you helped me put my shoes on. What was that all about?"

We had taken to asking questions of each other occasionally, wanting to know what the other had been thinking or planning or imagining those three months after finding one another again. Our answers _never_ disappointed the other.

His hands gently caressed my calves, the pulses of heat I could feel through my snow pants. "Back then, I was desperate to touch you, no matter how innocently or briefly. When you came down those stairs without shoes, I saw opportunity staring me in the face. I wasn't about to really ask, knowing that you would probably rebuff me."

Thinking back, I nodded. "_Probably_." My tone held more than a bit of teasing.

His eyes smoldered, though his crooked smile stayed securely in place. "So, I helped ease you into those heels, taking my time as I relished each second that I got to caress your skin over those beautifully shaped calves of yours. It was difficult for me to stop when those straps were firmly buckled, but I wouldn't have traded that moment for anything."

Suddenly shy, I looked up at him from beneath my lashes, remembering the moment, and how it took my breath away. "Well that makes more sense." I bent over, kissing him deeply.

Edward kissed me back, while he finished the job of securing the skates on my feet. He helped me up, while he walked backward toward the shiny surface of the frozen lake. I was nervous, but confident that Edward would never let me fall. He guided me toward the ice, never saying a word or breaking eye contact with me.

We started slowly, then Edward braced me, making sure that I was okay standing alone. "Will you be okay for a moment?" I nodded, before he whispered, "I'll be right back." He kissed me once more before he pushed off, away from me.

He took off, his legs pushing harder as his speed increased. He raced round and round me, his movements a blur, his laughter reaching me when he heard me mutter, "Show off!"

Edward continued to skate, when I realized that he was doing some type of pattern in the middle of the lake, and again, I was mesmerized by the fact that there appeared to be nothing that he couldn't do. He finished, and then elegantly skated back toward me, his smile bright and eyes full of adoration for me.

I felt the almost warm touch of his fingers when he reached me, his hands pulling me toward the center of the lake. "Can you see it?"

I peered forward, and caught my breath.

There, in the middle of the lake, I recognized what he had been etching with the sharp blades of his skates. A crooked heart stood out, carved into the ice.

"It's beautiful." I reached over and kissed him again.

"I've been practicing. It's a bit off center, but it's the thought that counts," he replied.

I laid another kiss on him, my hands reaching for his strong shoulders to steady myself when I felt my skates start to slip out from under me. He caught me around the waist, steadying me, returning my kiss when I felt his cool tongue slip into my mouth.

We continued in the same fashion – skating, kissing, and talking. After a few hours, we walked off the ice, changing back into our boots and headed back to the house.

When we reached the house, he looked at me. "Why don't you go and change into something nice. I thought we could head into town and listen to the bell choir in the square. How does that sound?"

I nodded quickly, kissing him before I sped up the stairs to his room. Edward had secured a large area of his closet for me, which Alice happily filled with clothing of every variety. She had even purchased some beautiful new intimates for me, which embarrassed me when I found them. I hid them away, hoping that Edward wouldn't snoop and find them. There would be time enough for that later.

I emerged a few minutes later to find Edward waiting, keys to the Volvo in hand. We walked to the car in silence. He always secured my seatbelt, which amused him greatly, especially when I would roll my eyes at him.

We pulled out of the driveway while he held my hand. Edward was suddenly silent which wasn't the how he had normally been these days.

I reached for his hand, squeezing it gently, hoping that it would get him to open up to me. "Is anything wrong, Edward?"

He pursed his lips studying my face for a minute as if he were debating something. "No." He finally ventured. "Why do you ask?"

"You're just been very quiet since we came back from the lake."

"Just thinking about tonight and tomorrow. I'm anxious to give you your Christmas presents." He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes.

"Would you play the piano for me later? A carol or two?" I suggested, hoping to get him to talk to me. I could sense something was bothering him, or at the very least something had him deep in thought.

"I would love to play for you. Anything in particular?" he quizzed, a more real smile on his face, though his tone hadn't lightened.

"I'm partial to anything. Why don't you surprise me?" I hinted.

"Sounds good. Look, we're almost there." He veered off, the Volvo making the final turn toward the parking lot, where families had gathered to hear the local bell choir play Christmas carols. They were enjoying steaming mugs of coffee and hot chocolate. Santa was there, handing out candy canes and wishing those passing by a merry Christmas.

Edward came to the side of the car, helping me out and hugging me gently, his face buried in my hair. "Merry Christmas, Bella." His tone had turned quiet, and I couldn't help but look up at his face, needing answers. His disposition reminded me of something from the past, but my heart refused to acknowledge it.

"Edward, what's wrong? What's got you so quiet?" I laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

"Nothing. Just thinking about the next couple of days, and all the time we'll be able to spend together." The tone of his voice was impossible to interpret, so I just pushed my hesitancy aside, determined to enjoy the moment.

I dropped the subject, thinking he'd talk to me when he was ready. Just then, a different thought occurred to me. "Edward, where has your family been all day?" I hadn't seen anyone since the wee hours of the morning.

Edward tightened his arms around me, and kissed me on the forehead. His lips lingered there, and the knot that was beginning to form in my stomach tightened. I wanted to look him in the eye, but was afraid of what I would see.

"They're out doing last minute Christmas errands, Bella. Come with me. The bell choir is about to begin. I can hear the thoughts of the director – he wants to start on time, so he can get home in time to eat dinner with his family."

He tugged me toward an unoccupied bench, guiding us both to sit down. He held my hand and wrapped his arm securely around my shoulders, pulling me closer toward his chest almost as if he couldn't get close enough to me. His silence spoke volumes to me.

The anxious feeling in my stomach began to turn to fear when memories came rushing back. This was so similar to how he'd behaved after my birthday party in Forks, just before he left and my whole world fell apart.

But he _wasn't_ leaving me, my mind argued.

He'd given me absolutely no reason to believe that he would leave me this time. His constant attention and consideration for my feelings above everything else showed me that I was his first priority. He'd gone out of his way to be sweet, loving and incredibly romantic.

He _wasn't_ going anywhere, my heart reminded me.

But the nagging feeling continued, and as much as I tried to dismiss the sensation of dread, it hung on, digging its claws into me mercilessly.

The music of the bell choir was beautiful, and before long, the concert was finished. Without speaking a word, Edward stood, his hand extended toward mine. We made our way back toward the Volvo, where he helped me inside, and then we were off.

The dashboard clock told me that it was close to five, and we silently made our way toward our house. Darkness was upon us, and my eyes couldn't help but catch all the magnificent light displays in town and the outlying homes in the area.

Edward's cell phone chirped, letting the both of us know that he had a text message. He flipped it open, glancing at it quickly, before shutting it again.

"Who was it?" I inquired quietly.

"Alice. Wanted us to know that she was headed home." His tone continued to be flat, but it held a certain edge of something I couldn't quite put my finger on. My hands clenched open and shut, and my whole system started to race, the worry creeping into every cell.

I willed my body to calm itself, hoping that it was just my overactive imagination acting of its own accord – my heart refused to believe anything but that. Edward loved me; he wouldn't leave me now.

_Would he?_

We continued to drive toward the house – I did anything I could to distract myself. I started making a mental list of exactly how many packages we needed to collect for not only Alice, but the rest of the family as well. Edward held my hand again, but still hadn't said much. My stomach tightened ruthlessly, as my mind raced with any possible alternative to his peculiar behavior. I would not lose control. I couldn't.

We made our way to the familiar dirt road that led to our home. Did he still consider it our home? Was this the last time I would ever see him?

_NO!_

I forced myself to relax, until my keen eyesight caught something in the distance.

Before we even made it toward the thick cover of trees that surrounded my front yard, I saw the twinkling lights. Thousands of white lights, bright enough to read by, were strung from every tree and bush, dripping from the roofline, windows and doors; a beacon welcoming us on this cold, December evening.

Now I was thoroughly confused.

True, Edward had gradually added to the décor in our home, and I'd humored him. I was slowly acclimating to the idea of Christmas, but this was over the top.

When had he done this? He hadn't strayed from my side since the end of my work week, and then I realized – his family must have intervened again. I smiled a little, thinking of their efforts and again being so grateful to have each of them in my life.

Edward slowly maneuvered the Volvo toward the driveway, before he came to a complete stop. He turned off the engine, his body turning to face me from his seat. "Bella, I need to tell you something."

My heart froze when I heard the tone in his voice. It was exactly the same one he used that day he told me goodbye; the day he lied and irrevocably broke my heart. I was unable to move, to breathe, to even allow my brain to rationalize what was happening. I could feel the moisture filling my eyes. I turned my face away from him.

"Bella love, look at me. I've tried to find a way to tell you this all day, but I couldn't find the right words."

I didn't respond, knowing the minute I opened my mouth, a sob would escape. My body refused to even pivot in his direction, while he insistently tugged at my hand.

"Bella, I have to go now."

"I know." My voice was no more than a whisper, but I was able to keep it strong and even, avoiding a humiliating crack in tempo.

"Bella, look at me. _Wait_ – how could you possibly know that I have to go?" Even without looking at him, my mind could see his face crease in confusion.

I didn't answer, desperate to hold in my crying jag until he was gone. I reached for the door handle, frantic to get out of the car and into the safe interior of the house so I could fall apart completely. Before I could finish pulling the handle to open the door entirely, he removed my hand from the lever, forcing me to look at him.

"Bella," his voice was frantic, "what's the matter?" He reached over and touched my cheek, and I leaned in, realizing it would be the last time I would feel his tender caress.

I couldn't trust my voice to answer him, knowing that I would rather be miserable, if it meant he could be happy. I had no idea what I'd done to bring on this turn of events, but still wished I could have done things differently. How could everything go so wrong so quickly?

"Bella!" Edward's voice was sharp, while his expression held nothing but confusion. "I need to go, but I won't be far."

My ears registered his words telling me of his departure but not of his return, and I couldn't hold back any longer. I took in a deep, steadying breath, before I let loose. "Fine. Go." I couldn't say anymore, my lungs empty when the air left them like I'd been kicked in the stomach with a steel-toed boot.

Edward took my shoulders, shaking me almost roughly from my reverie. "Bella, talk to me. What are you thinking?"

I turned to face him, his handsome face full of utter confusion and apprehension. "Go. I understand."

His face flooded with understanding, before he shook his head, his eyes softening as he looked at me. "Bella, darling, _no_ – I'm _not_ leaving you. _Not ever_. It's just that your Christmas present is waiting inside for you. I have to go. You'll understand when you see it. But I won't go far; I'll be in the woods behind our home. I'll call you in a few hours. If you need me before that, just say my name, and I'll be back in a heartbeat. I _refuse_ to let anything happen to you."

I looked at him, as he cupped my face with both of his hands, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles against my skin. I took in a deep calming breath, fighting to believe his words before he leaned forward and kissed me softly.

"You're _not_ leaving me?" I whimpered weakly.

"_NEVER_." The tone of his voice let me know unequivocally that he meant it, and my whole body started to relax.

My mind raced to catch up with what he'd just told me, and I automatically glanced toward the house. I could see a magnificent Christmas tree, glittering with more white lights and fanciful ornaments through the front room window. As my breathing began to regulate itself, I couldn't help but chuckle, grateful for a change in subject. "Edward, I thought that we _weren't_ having a Christmas tree this year?"

"Bella," he began, before I cut him off, placing my hand over his mouth, silencing him.

My eyes shifted in his direction, as the corners of my mouth started to twitch into a smile. I was just so grateful that my assumptions had been incorrect and could now see the humor in the situation in front of me. I spoke quickly, trying to hide my embarrassment. "It was wonderful of your family to decorate the house for us. They must have known that I wouldn't get angry with _them_." I opened the door to the car, and was heading for the front door when I heard Edward's door open and shut quickly, his light step fast behind me.

His hands found my waist, before he spun me toward him. "Bella," his tone soft and almost fearful, "the decorations – they aren't for _you_." His face was solemn, and my stomach started to twist again.

From the corner of my eye, I caught a familiar movement in the house, and my head snapped toward that direction. Worse, my overeager sense of smell caught the scent of something that stopped me in my tracks.

I looked back at Edward, as reality hit me right between the eyes. I took in a shallow breath, every bit of lightness gone from my heart and mind. I closed my eyes, waiting a moment, before I turned to him with my eyes opened wide with apprehension. "Edward," my voice cracked with fear, "what have you done?"


	50. Chapter 49: OhMyEdward!

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: A very special thank you to Grumpy Grizzly, who helped me tremendously with this chapter. She's my emotional compass, and gave me her special mother's touch to this chapter, making it credible and believable -- I couldn't have done it without you friend -- only 37 more days!_

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 49: Oh.My.Edward!

Bella's POV:

I started back toward the Volvo, unwilling to go toward the porch. My heart wanted to run through that door now adorned with a festive wreath, but my head ordered me to run in the opposite direction. As was usual my head won. My legs started to carry me away from my fear.

Edward caught me around the waist, holding me tightly, not saying a word. His fingers found their way to my hair, his other hand wrapped securely around my middle. He guided my head comfortingly toward the crook of his neck, and rocked me back and forth, humming to me. Unfortunately, his closeness did nothing to lessen the panic that was racing through my system like a virus.

"Bella love, your Christmas present is waiting for you inside. I've tried to figure out a way to tell you all day what's coming, but I couldn't find a way." He murmured. His voice was so soft but I could hear the desperation behind the words. It did nothing to relieve the terror inside me.

My mind was confused, struggling to deny what I knew he was trying to say. Once again, my heart and mind were in a fierce battle. Inevitably, the battle was lost. I knew what was waiting behind that closed door. I had to get out of here before it was too late.

With sheer force of will, Edward picked me up so my feet were hovering above the ground and started walking us back toward the house. I wouldn't go easily and struggled to release myself from his hold. As much as I wanted to go inside and confirm my suspicions, I was desperate to run and never look back. I'd come this far – it's how it had to be.

"Bella, it's going to be all right. You need to trust me."

I shook my head violently. "It's _not_ going to be all right, Edward." I hissed. "You shouldn't have done this. How is any of this going to be all right?" I could hear my own real fear with each word that left my lips.

We reached the tiny porch that led to the front door where topiaries and more lights greeted us. He set me down on the landing, but didn't release his grip. The look of concern in his beautiful eyes told me he knew I'd try to run again.

The front door opened, the hinges creaking, and a slice of light from the door created a shadow where Edward and I stood. I was completely unable to speak, as confirmation of who had been inside the house was revealed to me. We stared at each other, both of us frozen for goodness knew how long.

Edward still hadn't answered me, so I asked my question again without turning to look at him. My eyes were riveted to the doorway and I was physically unable to turn away. "Edward," my tone was much harder than I realized and I saw him subtly wince, "I need to hear it. What have you done? Please just answer me." The knowledge of what was facing me made me desperate to know how all of this had happened.

Edward released his hold around my waist and his hand found mine. He didn't break my gaze but instead spoke quietly in my ear knowing our guest was following every word. "Bella, this all happened before…" he paused, taking in a shallow breath, "…before you and I made up. The wheels were already set in motion. I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid he wouldn't keep his word." He sighed heavily. "That something would go wrong, and you would be terribly disappointed. I'm going to go now, but I won't be far. If you need me, just say my name and I'll be back in a flash."

"Like _I'd_ hurt her, leech." Jacob's voice was rough, and I could see his neck muscle straining against his dark smooth skin. His nose was wrinkled in distaste and he did his best to calm himself despite his hands opening and closing into fists.

Edward pegged Jake with a hard look as if to say '_Hurt her, and you won't live to regret it._' He finally looked at me, tenderly kissed my forehead, and attempted to remove his hand from mine, but this time it was me clinging to him with a grip of steel. I held on for dear life as the reality of what was standing in front of me hit full force. For a moment, I was utterly terrified. My mind refused to let me think even seconds into the future, to try and imagine what else might be waiting for me when I crossed the threshold of my front door. I shuffled a bit behind Edward, as fear turned to absolute panic.

Suddenly, I could hear the light footsteps of someone running toward the door, and my non-beating heart stopped all over again. _It just can't be…_

"Mommy!" The little voice forced the air out of my lungs as the reality that _she_ was here finally registered in my brain.

Jacob caught her before she ran head first into me, for which I was grateful. I was afraid she would hurt herself colliding with my granite form. He gathered her in his strong arms, but she was reaching for me, straining against his strong hold, her arms wildly thrashing through the air that separated us. Her expression was insistent, her tiny heart shaped face twisted with concentration. In her tiny grasp, she held the doll that I had given her for her last Christmas with me, its face and hair battered with love. It still was dressed in the lavender dress that it came in, though it was starting to show serious wear and tear.

I tore my gaze from the doll to look at her. She looked so different, so much older, but then again her beautiful little face looked exactly the same. Her eyes were those dark brown pools, just as mine had been. Her hair now reached her waist, long, straight and thick like Jacob's. Little tears started to form in her eyes, threatening to spill over the longer he held her back.

"Mommy. I want my mom. Let me go. I want my mom." She repeated over and over as she continued to struggle.

"Bella," Jacob began, his tone low, but full of authority, "take her."

As much as I wanted to pull her into my arms, I resisted. I hissed low enough so Grace couldn't hear me, "I'll hurt her."

In unison, the two men standing with me, my past to my one side and my future on the other, firmly declared in unison, "_No_, you won't."

"Mommy, didn't you miss me?" The tears had spilled over, painting her russet cheeks a blotchy hue, but what grabbed my attention was the raw pain in her voice. I dropped Edward's hand as my arms involuntarily reached for her determined to be gentle. More gentle than I was with adults. More tender than I was with my own students. To think, even for a moment, that I could hurt my own child frightened me to the core.

My hands reached her waist, and I pulled her to me. The soft, contented sigh that escaped her tiny mouth warmed my heart and she wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me on the cheek. "Mommy, I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, baby girl," I whispered in her ear. The tiny giggle that she uttered calmed me in a way I'd never experienced before and I took courage, holding her as closely to me as I dared, tentatively inhaling in her scent. She smelled clean like the normal little girl smell of baby shampoo and Ivory soap. I was so relieved that it wasn't her blood that I noticed. She was so warm in her red footie pajamas covered in tiny white snowflakes. My hands brushed through her glossy, wet hair, as she relaxed in my arms. Grace had just had a bath, and she smelled exactly the same as I remembered. I choked back a giant sob.

She was so light in my arms, which was a surprise until I realized my memories of holding her were human. I could feel every tiny muscle relax against me except her tight grip around my neck. There was no way that she'd let go of me; her unconditional love sparking my motherly confidence. I never wanted to put her down. It was like the last three years never happened. I was holding her, she was happy, and if I'd felt whole with Edward, this was different – I felt truly complete. My little girl, the one that I thought was lost to me forever, was here with me. She was wrapped up in my arms, holding on to me for dear life. And I—I was doing the same.

I had no idea what had brought her here, but my mind was starting to race with the possibilities. Edward had been gone when Esme came to tell me the story – the real truth as to what happened when they'd left Forks. Now it all made sense. Edward must have gone back and somehow convinced Jacob to allow me to see Grace. Knowing that I should feel angry with Edward, I couldn't help but recognize that I felt complete and utter thankfulness. I had no idea how he made this happen, but with her in my arms, I didn't care. Questions could come later.

"We should get you inside, Grace." Just saying her name to her was overwhelming. "You're hair's wet, and I wouldn't want you to catch cold." She said nothing but nodded causing her head to snuggle deeper into the curve of my neck.

I noticed Edward was leaving. I extended my hand toward him, grabbing him by the sleeve of his dark gray coat. "Wait. Where are you going?"

He turned, his eyes full of love and understanding. "Bella, I can't stay. It was never part of the bargain for me to be here. But I'll be close. Go and enjoy this. I'll call you later." Edward caressed my cheek before he sprinted toward the side of the house.

I looked at Jacob, and his dark eyes met mine. "Jake, does he have to go? Please. Can't he stay?"

Jake raked the back of his neck with his large hand, until I thought he might rub the skin clean off. He looked at me first with a mixture of mistrust and apprehension, but then his eyes softened. "He can stay. He just needs to keep his distance." His voice was gravelly and his nostrils flared.

"Edward." I didn't bother to raise my voice knowing he would be in easy hearing distance considering my company.

In the space of a single heartbeat, he was back. His eyes flashed toward Jacob. He looked calm, but I could sense that every muscle in his body was ready to attack. Whatever he heard in Jacob's mind seemed to calm him slightly.

I looked at Jake again, and he simply nodded. "Edward, come in. Jake doesn't have a problem with it."

Jake growled low in his chest, which made Edward smirk at first and then growl in return as he mentally heard something that he didn't like. I stepped between both of them, still holding Grace close. "Please," I said low and fast, "not in front Grace."

Jake nodded quickly, and I could feel Edward gently caress my arm to let me know that he would act civilly for Grace's and my sakes.

Jake led the way inside and I heard a door upstairs quietly close. He glanced up the stairs leading to the second floor, now beautifully decorated with ropes of cedar and more tiny white lights, and I noticed that his eyes took on that same quality I had seen in the hospital, all those years ago.

"Meghan's here, isn't she?" I asked quietly.

Jake turned to look at me. "Yes. I couldn't leave her behind on Christmas, Bella. After what happened to you, I couldn't leave her unprotected. I trust _no one_ with my family – _no one_. Please understand, Bells – I didn't bring her to upset you." His tone was full of tenderness but not apology. I was beginning to learn that Jacob had lost a great deal too.

"Jake, it's all right. Come on. Let's go in and sit down."

I walked through the narrow hall toward the living room, Grace still in my arms with Edward directly behind us. The light emanating from the tiny space was warm and cozy. When I turned the corner, I caught my breath in surprise.

The mantle of the fireplace was heavy with swags of evergreen, lights strung through them, enhancing what Edward had been subtly adding to our home. Every window frame was adorned with cedar roping making the smell in the house overwhelming. On the mantle, there were two stockings with our names embroidered on them. Mine was a cheery stocking with deer and pine trees, which made me laugh internally. The other was for Grace and was decorated with a tiny angel holding a wrapped gift.

A crackling fire was going and the sound of Christmas carols were spilling out of the new stereo that Edward had installed recently.

There was the subtle smell of a dinner recently finished; the dishwasher chugged away cleaning the remnants off the dishes that I kept in the cupboards for those rare times that I had humans in the house. I could distinguish the smell of ham and scalloped potatoes, and something chocolate, most likely some type of dessert for Grace. She'd loved chocolate from the time she was a baby, and I snuggled her closer to me.

The house was magnificent complete with a designer tree covered in tiny, twinkling lights, glittery ornaments and ropes of shiny garland. Perched atop its beauty was a dark-haired angel, its feathered wings open to the sky.

I glanced below the tree at the beautiful tree skirt that covered the wood floors beneath, when I suddenly remembered the conversation I had had earlier with Edward about my Christmas shopping. I stiffened with panic.

I looked immediately at Edward and managed to catch his eye. I stared at him, and then pointedly looked to the empty space beneath the tree. "I don't have _anything_ for her," I said low and fast, my voice cracking.

Edward's eyes smiled and his hand briefly stroked my cheek. "Don't worry. Alice took care of everything." He looked up toward my room. "Under your bed, all wrapped and ready for tomorrow morning." His voice was low, his tone full of calming inflection.

Jake reached toward Edward's hand, obviously uncomfortable at his nearness to Grace. I shot him a look. "Jake, he won't hurt her." I stated confidently. "Where do you want him to go?"

Jake looked around the room until his gaze focused toward my small dining area. "Over there," he jerked his finger toward the table and chairs, "is close enough."

I looked at Edward apologetically, but he merely nodded and moved elegantly toward the kitchen, selecting a chair off to the side and sitting down so he was facing the living room. He sat motionless, though his eyes sparkled with a quiet joy as he watched me from the shadows.

Knowing that any of my students would have put up a fuss by now if I had continued to hold them so long, I leaned forward to put Grace down. My heart ached to know that I was putting space between us, but I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

When her feet touched the floor, she clung tighter to me. "No, mommy. Hold me."

I picked her back up, waves of joy filling me because of her desire to be with me. I hugged her close to my chest and made my way to the sofa to sit down and cradle her in my lap. She looked so tired as her hands moved up to rub her eyes.

She grinned and reached up to touch my cheek. "You're prettier than the pictures I have of you."

I could feel my smile broaden at her compliment and I gently rubbed her back. "Pictures? What pictures, Grace?" I asked, completed _enthralled_ by every tiny utterance her mouth made.

"The pictures of you all over my room. Daddy's told me all about every one of them. Some of the pictures are of you, me and Daddy, or you, me and Grandpa Charlie. My favorite is the one of you holding me in my kitty costume for Halloween." She leaned forward putting her head against my chest and I felt a tiny sigh escape. It was a moment before I understood that it was my own.

I looked at Jake, who was sitting near us in a chair uncomfortably considering his size. "How?" I asked, my eyes searching his for understanding.

"Later, Bella – we can discuss all of this later. Just enjoy right now. Grace has been so excited since yesterday when we told her we were coming to see you. She'll probably fall asleep early. She didn't sleep at all last night." Jake looked exhausted. He idly rubbed the whiskers on his face as he noticeably began to relax and pressed back into the cushions of the chair.

I studied Jake for a moment noticing that even though he really hadn't aged, he did look older. His eyes looked a couple of decades older than the rest of him. He still looked exactly the same as he had that last night I'd seen him. I realized with irony that it was exactly three years ago.

_What a way to celebrate that anniversary._

"Daddy, I am _not_ falling asleep." Grace's pouting tone reminded me a bit of Alice. "I'm going to stay up with mommy." She began to softly cry; I could feel small teardrops fall and dampen my blouse. She was fighting hard not to miss a minute of our time together.

"Grace honey, it's okay to fall asleep. I can put you to bed. Mommy has a brand new bed, and you can sleep in it." I thought of the bed Edward had purchased for us, and the beautiful new linen sheets and heavy silk comforter. I was again relieved for his extravagance, realizing that I wouldn't have to put my daughter to sleep on the sofa, or worse, the floor.

Grace looked up at me, and through the tears, managed a silly grin on her face that melted my very heart. "Mommy, you're being silly. I'll sleep in my room. Daddy showed me before you came home with the man in the kitchen."

My eyes shot to Jake and then shifted to Edward. Edward smiled, a sweet, understanding kind of smile that made me look at him with what I hoped was utter devotion. "Your room?" I asked, looking at the love of my life, hoping for confirmation.

Edward nodded at me, his grin becoming wider. I followed his gaze when he glanced in the direction of the staircase, before he winked at me.

"Mommy!" she sighed. "It's the best room. Purple is my favorite color. My bed is very soft and I have my own bookshelf with the same books I have at home! Marie and I will like sleeping in there with the pretty blankets and pillows. I've never seen so many pillows!"

I was completely nonplussed by Grace's chatter about "her room" but thought it better to ask her about something else. "Marie?" I looked at this tiny miracle in my arms, wondering who on earth she was talking about. "Grace sweetie, who's Marie?"

Grace rolled her eyes at me, which made me laugh quietly. "This is Marie, mommy." She held up the doll that I had purchased for her three years ago. I took a good look at that doll – the same doll that I had spent considerable time selecting. Its hair was cut in places, making it look like it had lost a bet with a blind barber. Her lips were covered in purple permanent marker that must be simulating lipstick. I couldn't repress my grin and Jake chuckled following my gaze. "Don't you remember her? Daddy said that you bought her for me." Her tiny brow creased in confusion.

I brushed over the ragged haircut of her companion, choosing my next words very carefully. "Of course I remember her. I just wasn't there when you named her, remember?"

"Sort of." She looked up at me, her eyes searching mine for something. "Do you feel better now?" Grace asked, looking at me innocently. She ran her hand over my face and then placed it on my forehead. "Daddy says his forehead can be hot but girl's like me and mommy Meaghan are supposed to be cool so you must be better because yours is cold." She nodded to herself completely convinced by her own logic.

"Better?" My tone was curious as I eagerly listened to her explanations.

She looked down at ragged Marie, then looked back up at me. "Daddy said you were sick. He said that's why you had to go away, so I didn't get sick too. Don't you feel better now?" Her voice, which had been so strong, turned very quiet, while she looked up at me, anxious for my answer.

I looked over at Jacob, who was now alert, his eyes imploring me to understand what our daughter was saying.

It made sense. What do you tell a child who's missing her mother, especially when the alternative, the truth, might terrify her beyond repair? I smiled softly down at Grace, as I continued to run my fingers through her damp hair. "I feel much better now." I said as reassuringly as I could. It was true. How could I not feel better sitting here with her on my lap?

Grace smiled back at me. "I'm glad." She tried to stifle a big yawn – miserably. I couldn't help but chuckle. She really was a bit like me.

"Time for bed, little one. You want to be well rested for tomorrow." I stood easily keeping her close to me.

"I don't want to go to sleep. I want to stay up with you, Mommy." I looked down at her, and saw her struggle to keep her eyes open.

Jake stood, taking a step to where we stood. I was ready to give her back to him, even if my heart never wanted to let her go. He playfully messed her hair, which brought out a huge smile on her tiny little face. "Gracie, you didn't sleep at all last night or on the plane on the way here."

Her eyes snapped to mine. "I got to ride in a plane today, Mommy! Did you know that? First time ever! It was really loud and then it wasn't and I got to see the middle of a cloud!" She said as she smiled at me, her front tooth just starting to come in.

My head bent toward hers, as I placed a tiny kiss on her forehead before resting mine against hers. "A plane ride sounds like fun, Grace. I haven't been on a plane in a long time. Come on. Let's put you to bed." I smiled at her then inspiration struck. "Santa can't come until you're asleep."

Grace's face looked more animated with that thought. She leaned a little away from me reaching out to clutch a lock of my hair. "Mommy, your hair is so soft." Her head found its way to my chest and that same soft sigh came from her, one of perfect contentment, as she rubbed her fingers over my hair. I couldn't believe how such a small touch could fill me with such joy. My breath caught slightly as I realized she was imitating what I was doing with her hair.

I took a step toward Jake and offered Grace back to him, but Grace wasn't giving me up that easily. She scrambled up my arms, securing the tightest grasp she could around my neck.

"Bells, you put her to bed. She obviously wants you." He looked at me with incredibly tender eyes, full of both apology and love.

I nodded, feeling my eyes well up with emotion. It was strange but after all this time, putting her to bed seemed to come naturally. I automatically headed for the kitchen. "Grace, let's get you a glass of water before we go upstairs."

Edward stood to move out of our way, taking the chair with him, when Grace looked directly at him. "What's your name?"

I smiled at the love of my life, surprised to find him looking at Jake, lifting his eyebrows, asking a question without uttering a word. Grace tried to get his attention back to her.

I watched as Jake sighed, closing his eyes before he nodded back at Edward.

Edward turned back to where Grace and I stood, but didn't come any closer. "My name is Edward." He smiled at her encouragingly, and his eyes twinkled at her.

I felt utter shock when I witnessed Grace unfurl her hand from behind my neck and extend it toward him. Edward looked back at Jake for permission, before he, too, extended his hand toward my daughter. Grace wrapped her hand around three of Edward's fingers, and shook it solemnly. "It's nice to meet you, Edward. I'm Grace."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Grace." That same formal cadence with which Edward always spoke was mingled with reverence. More surprising was the expression on his face. His gaze would shift between her face, and then her tiny hand wrapped around his. He didn't smile, but his face held an expression of awe. She released his hand, shifting her hold back around my neck, and we went toward the kitchen, where I got her a small glass of water.

I noticed all the human food scattered in the kitchen. Fruit, snack foods, bread, and other items cluttered my tiny countertops and I began to realize the amount of effort that had been undertaken for this visit to happen.

From the looks of it, they would be here for a few days at the very least. But I forced myself to not think ahead, and allow myself to only enjoy the moment. Everything else could be figured out later.

I could feel Grace gradually relax more in my arms, her heartbeat becoming a steady rhythm, her breathing a gentle pattern that I began to rememorize as I gingerly walked toward the staircase.

With each step, she continued to slide closer to unconsciousness, and I pulled her closer to my chest, despite my sudden anxiousness that my cold skin might chill her.

We made it to the landing, when her heartbeat picked up, and she struggled from my grip. I set her down, and she rushed in the direction of my office. I followed her, not completely understanding why she would head that way at first, but comprehension was starting to dawn on me.

Grace threw open the door, where the light was already on. When the door was fully open, I couldn't contain the gasp that blew out of my lungs.

Where I'd had a small desk, a computer, printer and a sturdy chair – where I'd spent long lonely nights up until recently, was now transformed. Edward had painted the walls a pale green a couple of weeks ago, telling me he wanted me to have a calm, soothing space to work in. Now I was beginning to understand his genius.

The walls were the same serene green, but the office equipment was gone. In their place was a beautiful twin bed, its four poster wooden frame painted bright white, with beautiful bedding of lavender and purples in varying hues. Pillows were piled high at the head of the bed, with a nubby leaf green knit throw at the foot. I chuckled inwardly as I recalled Grace's words from moments earlier. She was right. The pile of pillows was enormous.

The bedding was heavy cotton and heavily quilted with a matching throw rug on the floor to protect Grace's feet from the cold wood in the mornings. Soft white organza curtains were delicately embroidered with tiny lavender daisies and the same pale green vines that hung toward the floor hung from the lone window, A softly curved pelmet covered in the same quilting as the bed topped off the window casement.

The bookshelf was filled to the brim with new books of every variety. A white rocking chair sat in the corner with its padded seat and back matching everything else in the room. A small easel with fresh art supplies that converted into a desk was attached to the wall, complete with a chair just her size ready for her to use when she was ready. A small bureau, also in white, completed the room. A basket with little girl hair accessories of every variety sat waiting on the top of it.

I could only imagine what Alice had purchased that lay waiting inside those drawers. I had already noticed the small, open closet. It was near bursting with clothing and shoes for Grace. I recognized the same pale lavender dress hanging in the front, the one that had caught my eye when we had gone shopping a few months earlier, with glossy Mary Janes sitting beneath.

There were beautiful vintage prints, their soft watercolors accenting the room, framed in delicate white frames, hanging on the wall. But what drew my attention the most was a beautiful hand-painted portrait of Grace.

I had shown Esme every photograph I had of Grace during one of our early weekends together. My new mother had taken one of my favorites, a snapshot of her when she was just three, outfitted in a sundress, and captured it with oil paints. I loved the solemn studious look on Grace's face as she held the book gently as if with reverence. My eyes were so filled with tears, I thought for a moment that they might actually spill over. I was overwhelmed with gratitude to my new family for what they had created for my Grace.

Grace danced around her room, her arms cutting through the air, before she stopped on a dime, looking at me. "I love my room. It's perfect." She went to pick her doll off the floor, and stifled a yawn, her eyes weary with exhaustion.

Jake was standing behind us, his oversized body filling the doorframe to Grace's new room. "Grace honey, time for bed."

I stepped aside, so Jake could go through her nighttime routine. Jake snatched up the throw at the foot of the bed, and wrapped it around Grace's shoulders. He swept her up and growled into her tummy causing her to giggle loudly.

"Daddy!" She squealed.

"Maybe Mommy will rock you to sleep." He said as his strong arms bent toward me. Grace once again reached for me, her face sleepy, but with a look of total contentment.

My eyes drifted toward Jake's, and he smiled at me, that same smile that helped me through all the rough times back in Forks. His eyes were shy, but encouraging. I reached for Grace again, and made my way to the rocking chair, easing into it pulling her close to me. We sighed at the same time generating a chuckle from Jake and I was sure that I could hear one from Edward as well.

Jake made his way out of the room, looking back at us one last time. He chuckled low, turning the knob on the light switch in the room to dim the lights. "I knew this would work." He turned to leave, before he popped his head back in. "If you want _him_ to stay, that's all right with me. I _know_ that you'd never let anything happen to our little girl." He blew Grace a kiss goodnight, which she reached out and caught, making her giggle again. "Goodnight, ladies."

I heard him open the door next to us, hearing a hushed but reverent whisper leave his lips. "Meghan." The door closed, and I could hear the subtle movement and whispers next door, knowing that he was with her – with _us_, in this house.

Odd, it didn't feel as uncomfortable as I thought it should have.

I kept rocking Grace whose head was against my chest. I started humming my lullaby, the one that Edward had written for me more than a decade ago, to her, which I'd never done before. It just seemed right at that moment, given the circumstances.

"Mommy, I like that song." She murmured sleepily.

"I'm glad you like it." I smiled, thinking Edward could play it for her sometime. "Now, you close those eyes" I whispered as my fingers brushed lightly over her eyelids so they would close. "You must be tired, baby girl." I pulled her closer, -- as close to me as I could get her, even though it still didn't feel like she was close enough.

We sat there in the rocker, my gentle humming keeping in time to the sway of the chair. Her head snapped up, and she looked at me, a flicker of panic in her beautiful brown eyes. I was beginning to understand why Edward had been so besotted by mine when I was still human.

"Mommy, how will Santa know where I am? I'm not in La Push, in my other bed." Her face was twisted in confusion and the beginnings of alarm.

"Santa knows everything. He'll know exactly where you are – especially since a little birdie told me that you are a very good little girl." Edward's voice broke me from my reverie, and I wondered how long he had been crouched silently in the doorframe of Grace's new room watching us.

"Really?" Grace responded, the hope in her voice bringing utter joy to my heart.

"Yes, sweetheart – Edward knows _everything_." I rolled my eyes in his direction, which caused him to crack a smile. "Now, close those eyes." I continued to rock her.

Edward got up, ready to leave and head back downstairs.

"Don't go." I implored, loud enough for his ears only.

He turned back, the hint of a smile tugging at his full lips. "Are you certain?" He whispered back.

"Stay."

He leaned inside the frame of the door, crossing his arms across his chest, quiet as a church mouse. His eyes focused on Grace as she finally drifted to sleep. We sat there for a while, until I was certain that she was out for the night. I stood, when Edward rushed to pull her covers back. I laid her down, and together, we covered her in the new quilts, which smelled of fresh laundry detergent and fabric softener. I tucked Marie in with her, before slumping to the floor, not willing to leave her side, even if she was fast asleep.

Edward eased himself down behind me, and started rubbing my back. "Are you terribly upset with me?" His voice was full of tension, and I could feel him begin to stiffen, as his hands stilled near my shoulder.

I turned around to look at him, cupping his cheek with my hand. "You should have asked me first." My tone was much firmer than I anticipated, and his chest heaved with a sigh.

Edward brushed a lock of hair behind my ear, before his knuckles tenderly caressed my cheek. "I'm sorry. It wasn't until our conversation a couple of days ago that I finally understood why you stayed away for so long. I always assumed it was only due to the fact that the pack forced you to leave – I had no idea about your fear of her phasing later on. But by then, I didn't know if Grace had been told – and I still think you need her, just like she needs you." He looked from me to her sleeping form, his eyes softening. We heard a low rush of breath leave her nose as a whimper causing us to grin stupidly at each other – we couldn't help enjoying this moment.

I hated seeing him upset, knowing that what he'd done had been accomplished because of his unconditional love. All of this had occurred after that horrible fight. At the time, there was no hope of reconciliation – not for me at least. And yet, he'd done the impossible. I didn't know all the details, but I could extrapolate the basics. Edward, along with Emmett and Carlisle, had flown back to Forks, and met with the wolves. They'd taken on the arduous task of convincing both Sam and Jake to warm up to the idea of me seeing my daughter again – the same little girl who was now sleeping in this glorious room in my house – my _home_ that I now shared with Edward.

"We'll figure it out, Edward. I have no idea how, but there's got to be a way. I'm starting to believe in miracles as well as promises." Edward visibly relaxed and I looked back at Grace laying there with her tiny chest rising and falling with every breath she took. "But no more secrets, Edward – no more lies Promise me," I implored him.

Edward wrapped his arms around me, pulling me gently back to his strong embrace. "I promise."

I dropped a kiss on the arm that he had draped around my shoulder, not willing to take my eyes off my little marvel. Her mouth lay slightly open, and her breathing pattern deepened, as she drifted deeper into dreamland.

We sat there, not moving as we watched Grace sleep. "Edward?"

"Yes, love?" He whispered in my ear to avoid bringing Grace out of her blissful slumber.

"I wasn't completely honest with you about something."

He started to run his fingers through my hair, his touch one of comfort instead of passion. "What's that?" His tone was one of pure curiosity, instead of the anger or hurt that I was expecting.

"My reasons for not seeing Grace. I left one out – one that I didn't want to think about."

He tightened his hold on me, and I welcomed the comfort of his arms. "Do you want to tell me now?" His voice was gentle, encouraging.

I nodded, and took a giant breath before I continued. "That night, when…" I was going to say _Victoria_, but couldn't bear to even whisper her name in the same room where my daughter slept, "_she_ bit me, she mentioned Grace's scent, how appealing it was."

Edward nodded, his face buried in my hair. "Go on," he quietly urged.

I gently caressed his hand until I summoned enough courage to say what had been in the front of my mind every time I thought of Grace, every time that I ever fantasized about seeing her again. "I was afraid that she was right." I whispered so softly that even his vampire ears had to strain to catch it.

"Who was right? _Her_? What did you think _that_ filthy creature could possibly be right about?" Edward seemed to sense my reluctance to the name Victoria being breathed in our home.

"That her scent might," I closed my eyes, ashamed at what I was about to confess, "make me want to kill her, Edward. Even with my aversion to human blood, I feared that she might be to me what I was to you all those years ago – that her blood might call out to me like no one else's. If I had…" I was about to say _kill_ her again, but couldn't force the word from my lips, "…_hurt_ her, I wouldn't have been able to go on." My voice was clearly overflowing with humiliation.

"But you _didn't_ hurt her, did you? Both Jacob and I believed in you, and you finally started to believe in yourself – I could see it in your eyes the minute she hugged you." His eyes were a mixture of '_I told you so_' and complete adoration for me.

"I wasn't sure I could do it, but I'm so happy I did. It wasn't until she told me that she missed me that I allowed myself to feel honestly about how much I missed her – how all the lies I told myself about her being better off without me were just that…_lies_. I just don't know how all of this is going to work out."

"You and Jacob will figure it out, and I'll help, where I can. I won't make this difficult on either of you. He seemed more than receptive to you seeing her and I was wrong to misjudge him about not keeping his word about bringing her."

I turned in his arms, looking at him, taking in every part of his inhuman beauty, before I could form the words. "How, Edward? How did you do all of this?"

"Now now – I'll explain everything later, when there's time. Then I'll answer every question you have. Right now, I want you to just enjoy this. I want you to forget about absolutely everything else. Can you do that for me? Can you do that for Grace?"

I turned back to gaze on my very own sleeping beauty in the bed in front of me, too overcome with emotion to speak. I nodded instead.

"And Bella, there is one more thing that I think I should mention."

"Hmm?" I answered.

He chuckled lightly in my ear, which surprised me. "Bella love, did you catch the scent of Grace's blood when you picked her up the first time?"

I understood what he was saying, and couldn't help but smile. "I did, but my sense of smell is much stronger than yours. What did you detect?"

"I could smell the slightest hint of freesias, but stronger than that…" he drifted off.

"I know – _wet_ _dog_. Who would have thought?" I laughed lightly.

"Well, Jacob was a werewolf when she was conceived, so although it surprises me, it makes total sense – she shares yours and Jacob's DNA." He kissed the back of my head.

"So her blood doesn't call to you?" I asked hesitantly.

"Not in the least. Considering how strong your sense of smell is, I just can't begin to imagine how you can sit this close and not be appalled by her scent – no offense," he offered humbly.

I quietly laughed. "None taken. I'm just blocking that part of her – all I can pick up is the subtle scent of freesias." I paused for a minute, before asking my next question. "So that's how I smelled to you when I was still human?"

"You still do, though it's different now without the blood to enhance that aroma. But I used to like to just focus on the freesia scent – it reminds me that you're here and calms me instead of driving me to utter madness." He hugged me again.

"Good to know," I answered.

Just then, I was able to witness something with my eyes and ears that I'd never had the privilege of being a part of before. Grace rolled onto her side, and a tiny sound escaped her lips…'_mommy'._ It was clear as day, and I could feel the air in my lungs rush out in one long whoosh.

"Well," Edward chuckled in my ear, "she is _your_ daughter."

We spent the rest of the night in each other's arms, watching Grace, listening for other words of wisdom to fall from the lips of a five-year-old. Edward left my side briefly to play Santa Claus and then returned to me to continue our vigil.

My life was perfect – or it was pretty darn close.

Now I only had to wait for Edward to ask me to marry him, knowing when he did, I would say yes.

I could already see Grace in that lavender dress, skipping down the aisle in front of me.

_What a perfect and wonderful thought…_


	51. Chapter 50: Like Mother Like Daughter

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: A very special thank you to Grumpy Grizzly, who does her special magic to every chapter...she's so much a part of this story!_

_And thank you to Mandi1, who helped me come up with appropriate gifts for Grace's Christmas morning._

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 51: Like Mother Like Daughter

Jacob's POV:

Grace woke us at the crack of dawn, excited and eager for Christmas day to begin. The energy she had never ceased to amaze me. I followed Grace and Bella down the stairs, laughing when Grace squealed with delight.

"Mommy, is that for me?" Grace was jumping up and down in front of a new dollhouse, filled with tiny pieces of furniture and lights that actually went on and off. She investigated every room of the structure, as Bella looked with her. From the look on Bells' face, this gift was as much a shock to her as it was to our daughter. I knew that the Cullen's had arranged all of this as a surprise, and figured Bella was as unaware of what lay in those packages under the tree as Grace was.

_This should be interesting._

Watching Bella help Grace open her hoard of Christmas presents, with identical smiles on their faces, I felt immense relief that this had all worked out. Edward had gone home before Grace got up, and I was honestly relieved. It was obvious that they were together again. I had heard him whisper those very words, as well as seen how tender and affectionate he was with her. But I was grateful that he had left partly because the involuntary tension being around two vampires was exhausting and partly because this moment should be for Bella only.

I couldn't shake the feeling that I was thankful that he was so good to her. At first I was confused by what I was feeling but then as I thought about it, I realized Bella deserved someone who loved her. It was obvious that he did – coming to Forks to negotiate Bella being able to see her little girl again had been proof enough. But the way he looked at her was the same way I looked at Meghan – with complete and total reverence. _He loved her._ The way he put up with my commands without much of a fight to be near Bella so that she was comfortable and all the trouble he'd gone through to make this visit special for both Grace and her mother…I had to give the guy some credit.

Meghan was no less amazing in making all this happen. She'd painstakingly prepared lists to email to the Cullens – food, clothing sizes for Grace, and other special things that would make this visit really wonderful for the both Bella and our daughter. Meghan was willing to give up Christmas at home to make Grace's holiday that much more special. She may have been my imprint, but I loved her wholeheartedly. My whole world was her – her and Grace.

Meghan and Bella had talked briefly in the morning, and true Bella – she had been gracious and welcoming. Meghan apologized for not greeting Bella the night before, but explained that she thought it only fitting for her to be out of sight when Grace and Bella reunited. Even though my imprint loved Grace as her own, she thought it only made sense for Bella to have her daughter all to herself, after so many years of being without her. Meghan was now in the kitchen, making a wonderful Christmas breakfast for the three of us, though she set four places at the table. Bella wanted things to appear as normal as possible for Grace.

_Gracie…_

My baby girl had been so excited when she got home from the annual pack Christmas party. I sat her down and told her we were flying out to see her Mom the next day. The way she nearly tackled me before being rewarded with her trademark neck hug and kiss was worth all the anxiety I'd dealt with for weeks since speaking with the Cullen's.

I thought back to the day that Sam called to tell me that they had returned.

"_Hey, Sam. What's up?"_

"_The Cullen's are back and are asking to see us."_

I was stunned. It had been ten years since they left, and I couldn't believe that they were back. I refused to believe it was a legitimate move. After only a decade, they would look no different. I briefly thought for a moment that they might want to discuss Bella, but knowing that Edward had left her high and dry, I quickly dismissed that thought from my mind.

"_Did they say what they wanted, Sam?"_

Sam quickly responded. _"Not exactly. They did say that they wanted to discuss the treaty."_

The treaty. A simple piece of paper that was safeguarded by the elders since it was signed sometime back in the 1930's. The premise was simple – we would allow them to live in peace, due to their unusual feeding habits, as long as they never killed or bit another human. It also clearly outlined the boundary lines. They were _not_ welcome on the reservation or First Beach.

_Simple enough._

If I was unhappy due to their return, I was intrigued by the fact that they wanted to discuss the agreement – the same pact that had been in place since my grandfather had negotiated it all those years ago.

When they met us in neutral territory, only five of us met them. They didn't need to know how big or strong the pack had become. We knew that the doctor, who went by the name Carlisle, the big one, Emmett, and the one that had broken Bella's heart, Edward, would be meeting us.

Just his name sent tremors down my spine, making me want to phase and rip him apart, piece-by-piece as if I were a young werewolf again. If he had only left her alone, she still might be here helping me raise Grace full-time. If he never existed, I wouldn't be a werewolf and Bella and I would be having _our_ happily ever after. But he _had_ brought her into his dangerous world, and then left her broken and exposed, the damage already done.

We came into the clearing, the three of them completely still, waiting for us. They looked toward Sam, before I stepped forward to address them.

"_What do you want?" _I asked directly, not wanting to prolong the meeting with niceties_._

Carlisle, the doctor, stepped forward, his eyes alight with curiosity. _"Jacob, is it?"_

"_Yes."_ I was breathing in and out, not wanting to lose it and phase in front of them. Not until I had a reason to. _"__What. Do. You. Want__?"_ I repeated my question again slowly and firmly.

My tone must have held a significant amount of contempt because the big one took a step toward me, his arm muscles flexing. The sweet smell they were throwing off was making my stomach twist with nausea. How could anyone stand to be near them?

Carlisle looked back at me, a slight smile on his face. _"We're here about Bella."_ He said as calmly as if we had been discussing the weather.

Instantly, I could feel the familiar lick of heat race up my spine. I took a step back, willing every muscle and tendon in my body to relax before I could respond. _"You know where Bella is? You've seen her?"_ My voice betrayed me and instead of sounding calm and in control, it sounded desperate and overly eager. Visions of Bella running away from me filled my mind.

Edward took a step toward me then, his face tight and drawn. _"Yes. We ran into her a few months ago when we moved to her town."_

I couldn't contain my sarcasm. _"Well, isn't that convenient? Now that the damage is done and you don't have to be the bad guy, you decide that you can swoop in and take her back. All the fun with none of the responsibility. Aren't you the perfect gentleman?" _I hissed venomously.

Emmett growled at me menacingly before Edward responded, his tone flat and…was I imagining it? A little sad._ "Bella and I aren't together."_ He nearly whispered. Edward took a deep breath before continuing._ "But that's not why we're here. Bella has built a respectable life for herself, and…"_

My anger hit an all-time high. _"Here's a thought. Maybe you never should have left her in the first place, or even better – never involved her in your life to begin with!"_

Edward's face hardened even more. _"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think that I don't feel immense guilt for everything that's happened to her? That the remorse eats at me everyday. I never should have left her in the first place. But you didn't protect her either." _He shot back clearly angry.

I took a step back, knowing that if I didn't cool off, the treaty would be broken with my own two hands. _"You left because you never loved her. I protected her best I could for as long as I could."_

Edward's face was contorted with rage, but his voice was quiet. _"I still love her." _His eyes darkened, before he spoke again. _"But as for protecting her –__you have no room to talk.__"_ His voice was heavy with contempt and sarcasm. "_Leaving her for another woman, stripping her of any dignity that she had, and then threatening to take her child if she didn't stay on the reservation.__" His face changed and his eyes grew dark before he continued. "__I think my favorite part was when you pulled her arm out of the socket. Oh, and let's not forget that one of your pack members left her to be slaughtered by Victoria. You talk about me being a gentleman? Maybe you should take a look at yourself, dog, before…"_

We were basically nose-to-nose at that point and I was itching for a fight. How dare he judge me about things he didn't understand? After everything that he had done to Bella, it was time to teach him a lesson. Their leader, Carlisle cut in. _"Edward, that's enough. This isn't about you. It's about Bella."_ His tone matched the look on his face – hard and unflinching.

Edward looked at Carlisle, and the two of them exchanged a tense glance. He then looked back at me. _"I'm sorry, Jacob. It's __none of__ my business what happened between the two of you."_ Anyone could tell that he had to force the apology through his barely opened lips.

"_No, it isn't your business."_ I realized that he had information that could have only come from Bella. "_So she told you everything?"_ I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This "family" had left her behind and they run into her and she welcomed them back enough that she confided in them? My mind raced with the only two possibilities that made sense…she was either extremely angry with me or she must have been desperately lonely to open herself up to these people again. My heart ached to see her, to assure myself that she was all right – but also to ease the guilt that had eaten at me for the past three years. I _hadn't_ protected her like I promised. The damn leech had made a direct hit on my conscience.

The big one answered my question._ "Bella told us what happened to her in the last ten years. She was open with the information – no one forced her." _He looked at me like he was challenging me to disagree. Even though the look on his broad face was one of complete sincerity, I was having a difficult time believing the bloodsucker.

I turned my attention to Edward again. _"Where is she? Where is Bella?"_

I couldn't hold back the anger in my voice. I had begged Bella over and over again to let me know where she was, and this traitorous monster standing in front of me not only destroys her, but knows where she is. Whether he liked it or not, he was going to tell me. The slightly self-righteous look on his face reminded me that he could hear my thoughts, and I mentally cursed his extra abilities.

He smoothed the look on his face before he responded. _"I can't tell you where she is. Not yet. If she wanted you to know, she would have told you herself. And that's why we're here."_

Carlisle's head turned in the direction of Sam. I'd had enough. _"If you want to discuss the treaty, you need to talk to me."_

All three of them looked confused. The good doctor addressed me._ "But I thought that Mr. Uley was…"_

I answered his question before he could finish it. _"I'm now the alpha. If you want to discuss something or change terms, you need to take it up with me." _I rose to my full height knowing that I created a presence that was hard to ignore.

The shock on his face, and the accompanying hiss of comprehension from Edward had me smiling in spite of myself. They hadn't seen that coming.

"_I'm sorry. I meant no disrespect. It seems that we need to make arrangements with you,"_ Carlisle offered diplomatically.

I nodded, my arms securely crossed in front of my chest. I took a step forward so I was standing slightly in front of my brothers. Sam, Quil, Embry, and Jared took the same stance, ready to listen to what they had to say.

Carlisle's smile seemed out of place, given that the hostility in the air was as thick as dense fog. _"As we said, we'd like to discuss Bella. As my son mentioned, she's built quite a respectable life for herself where she's living and we're here on her behalf."_

I couldn't help myself. _"Why didn't she come here herself?"_

"_Because you said that she had to leave the area and never come back," _Emmett growled back sarcastically.

Those words uttered three years ago came screaming back into my mind. Nearly three years ago, when Sam was still the alpha, he'd listened to my pleas and let Bella go, but also warning her that if she stayed in the area of killed a human, we'd be forced to destroy her. I wouldn't have any part in it – short of Sam ordering me, and I would have found a way to fight it. Bella _never_ deserved to die for what happened to her, even though she was the very thing that I was destined to protect my people from. But _my_ Bella was no monster. Sam banishing her was one of the most painful moments of my life.

Edward looked at me, his eyes narrowed and darkening. _"You're right, Black. She didn't deserve any of this. And just so you know, she's never killed a human."_

"_Get out of my head, leech. My thoughts are private."_

Edward's stone face flickered with a smirk, before returning to its customary stoic expression. _"__S__ome thoughts are truly difficult to ignore."_

He wanted to play? I could play…I hit him with images of Bella after he left her – the broken Bella, who lost weight, whose eyes were flat and empty, who became a shell of herself. I saw him snap his eyes shut, as his shoulders curved in toward himself. So I decided to hit him with a few more. Of Bella and I holding hands, of us kissing, of how beautiful she looked on our wedding day…his head sagged, like he couldn't support the weight of it.

"_You don't always like what you see__, d__o you, Cullen?"_ As his named rolled off my tongue, I piled the sarcasm on thick, happy to give him a little payback for all the hurt that he'd caused Bella. Even if we weren't together anymore, I still loved her. A piece of my heart would always belong to Bella, and my instinct to protect her was still strong.

"_No, I don't. But you still didn't protect her. She put her trust in you, and you let her down. You were too wrapped up with this Meghan to be concerned for her safety."_

My temper flared again, hot as the ashes from one of our bonfires. I wasn't sure which fueled the fire more, his snide remarks about Meghan or his smug tone. _"I protected her the only way I knew how. Not that it's any of your business, but at the time, Sam was the alpha. He ordered all of us to keep her somewhat in the dark. We didn't want her to constantly worry about how dangerous things really were. The danger that you brought into her life, I might add. I wanted her to have a happy life – one that didn't include daily worry. And as for Meghan,"_ her name left my lips like a hushed whisper, _"that is none of your concern."_

The pack had protected my Bells for years, never really letting her know how dangerous that red-haired leech was – or how many near misses there had been. That female bloodsucker _never_ gave up. She just kept coming back, intent on killing Bella. I thought it was unusual that her name was Victoria – such a feminine name for someone so ferocious. It always amazed me that any of them had regular names. In my mind, they were all just animals, and it was my job to destroy them all. Well, all of them except Bella.

But I hadn't been able to protect Bella; Victoria had found her. Paul was supposed to guard her, watching over her. He'd had issues with Bella for years, but despite that, I thought he was someone I could trust. He was like a brother to me. When I found out that he'd simply walked away when he picked up Victoria's scent that night, and then purposely kept us out of the direction of the high school after she'd been attacked, I'd been tempted to go and kill him myself.

_I __wished I had __never trusted him._

Emmett's low hiss snapped my head in his direction. _"But you left her to be protected by this Paul, and he did what? Left her to be attacked by a deranged bitch! How could you do that to her?"_

I answered him as calmly as I could. _"We didn't realize that Paul was so unstable."  
_

"_What happened to him? __Not that any punishment would have been enough for what he did…__"_ Emmett looked like he was ready to strike, each word coming out like a bullet. It was obvious that he cared about Bella and was looking for revenge. If he hadn't been my sworn enemy, I might have respected him.

_Might have…_

"_Paul was never part of the pack again. He…"_

Paul's betrayal to the pack had been a hard one to swallow. But Paul's life didn't go smoothly after that. We'd expelled him from the pack, though he stayed on the reservation. His imprint had stayed with him, though anyone could tell she was utterly shocked by his removal from the group. We had no idea if he'd been honest with her, but that was his business. She was pregnant with their first child at the time, and we decided it was best for him to deal with things in his own way.

When Paul's wife Cassie and their unborn child were killed in an auto accident six months later, he changed drastically. He was rarely seen outside of work or his small home on the reservation. He started drinking, and some of the pack tried to reach out to him, knowing how empty we'd feel without our imprints. When he didn't show up to work for two straight days more than a month later, Brady went to check on him. He called to let me know that Paul had taken his own life. He'd left a note behind, telling me how sorry he was about Bella – Cassie's death showed him how foolish he'd been. He felt that losing his wife and child was his punishment for betraying his brothers – and Bella.

We all attended the funeral – even those that didn't want to. I'd given an order, and no one was about to disobey.

"_What? What happened to him?"_ Emmett demanded.

"_Paul died. Took his own life, full of guilt for what he'd done to Bella."_

They stood there silently, the shock of my announcement stunning them. This certainly was a day for revelation.

When Bella and I split up, I'd been desperate for her to stay on the reservation for her safety. I knew that it would be impossible for her, but I thought it was the only real way to keep her protected. If Sam's orders hadn't kept me from telling her how much danger she was _really_ in, I felt I could have kept her safe.

But I couldn't tell Bella. An order was an order. And after what happened to her, I decided that it was time for change. The very night that Bella had been forced to leave, I went to Sam and told him that I was ready to be the alpha. He'd offered it to me years ago, and it was time for me to step up to the plate.

_My first order of business?_ Everyone in the pack family, wives included, was brought in on all happenings of the pack. I figured that being informed was the best defense. Each wife was put under a vow of secrecy, but it allowed the spouses to talk freely together. Ultimately, it had worked to strengthen the pack because the wives felt included and helpful. I discovered that they had some amazing insight into problem solving as well. I feel that had Bella been completely aware of the danger, she would have stayed, and things would have been different. We would have been able to work together to ensure her safety. It wouldn't have been easy, but it would have been better than the mess that we were in now.

Losing her had been one of the most difficult things I'd ever dealt with. The worst part of it was the guilt. I deserved every ounce of it, and it intensified every day when I looked at our beautiful daughter. She looked almost exactly like her mother, and she spent her days with Meghan and me, asking questions about her real mom, the one that left to keep her safe.

When Bella left, I decided to never lie to Grace or Meghan. Of course, telling Grace that her mother had to leave was difficult. She asked about her everyday, and I tried to make it easier for her. I told her that Bella was sick, which made sense, at least to me. She had something in her that changed her forever, a sickness that she would never be able to shake. I was hoping, in time, that Bella would contact me – let me know where she had ended up. That somehow, she could be part of Grace's life, even if it was from afar. I knew Bella got the photographs I sent to her daily. I'd tried not to push her because that fragile contact was all I had and I didn't want her to disappear forever. I hoped that when she was ready, she would confide that information to me. I wasn't willing to give up. I needed to know that she was okay.

But I was truly worried about Bella – worried that she was out there alone, and without any type of comfort or support.

Wishing I had a camera with me this very second, I watched with amusement as Grace opened up a box full of books, her smile and subsequent cheer unequivocally letting those around her know how much she liked them. She waved them at me, her smile wide, as Bella kissed the back of her head as she sat in her lap. New photos, new traditions – new ways to make all of this work. There was so much to work out, but watching the scene before me made me realize that it had to be done. These two needed each other.

My mother had died when I was young and I missed not knowing her so I filled Grace's room with photos of her mother, from when Bella was a little girl right up to the time that she was attacked. I needed to ensure that Grace understood how amazing her mother was, how she made the ultimate sacrifice to keep her safe.

Bella was a topic of conversation in our house daily. I told Gracie all about her mom, and repeated her favorite stories for her whenever she asked. I also helped her understand, when she was a little bit older, that she wasn't dead, but that other people would try to tell her that she was. We talked about protection. That it was her daddy's job to protect the pack and their families, but that it was a special job that not everyone understood. I told her that her mommy was sick but still did a special project just to protect her because she loved her Gracie so much.

Grace was exactly like her mother. She accepted information from those she loved without question. She could keep a secret better than any other five year-old. Just as Bella never told a soul about the so-called mythical creatures in and around La Push, Grace kept our information private. It was a marvel to watch my little girl grow, knowing that she kept such important information to herself.

As Grace reached for another piece of candy from her stocking, I lifted my eyebrows when our eyes locked. She knew the look on my face and her full lower lip jutted outward. Her pout usually got to me, but it was Bella's imploring look that sealed the deal. I couldn't win with the deck stacked against me. "Go ahead, Grace. But no more before breakfast."

"Thank you, Daddy!" She squealed. Bella grinned too. Grace offered a piece to Bella, who took it gratefully, pretending to eat the chocolate reindeer. Grace tossed a piece to me too, which I unwrapped and ate not wanting to look away from them.

After a time, I found myself looking around at Bella's home. The serene colors and simple décor confirmed exactly what I'd hoped for since she lost her human life three years ago. It was a normal house, full of furniture and well-maintained. Being bitten didn't change Bella on the inside – she was still the same.

As I watched Bella easily pull a doll from the intricate plastic bindings in its package, I was struck by how we'd come full circle.

"Daddy, isn't she beautiful?" Grace asked, holding up the doll for my approval.

"Not as beautiful as you, baby girl. Do you like her?" I responded, looking at only her adorable little face.

She nodded, and hugged the doll close to her chest, while she settled back down with Bella, ready to open more gifts.

My mind drifted back to that meeting with the Cullen's…

I'd had enough of discussion of the whys and why nots. _"Why are you__ really__ here? __What specifically do you want?__"_

Carlisle smiled again, though it was cautious. _"We're here to discuss the treaty."_

Edward's stare met mine, but his tone was quiet, deferential._ "We'd like Bella to have the opportunity to see her child. She misses her, and she needs to see her."_

"_That isn't your call, leech. And what does my daughter have to do with the treaty?"_

Emmett cracked his knuckles, before Carlisle shot him a look. The big one's hands dropped to his sides, his gaze softening.

"_We're willing to never return to Forks if you allow Bella to see Grace. She needs to see her child. Even if it's from afar, if you've already told your daughter that Bella is dead –she needs to have a chance to say goodbye."_

I found it hard to keep my facial expression calm, when presented with this type of information. To protect future generations from this curse of destiny, to never have permanent Cold Ones in the area was almost too much to hope for. _"I've never told Grace that her mother is dead, even if for all intents and purposes she is. She's still out there, and maybe one day, she can be part of Grace's life. But I won't use my daughter as a bargaining chip. My first priority is keeping her safe. I made a promise to Bella, and it's one I'll keep, no matter the cost."_

All three Cullen's grimaced, before smoothing their faces. We simply stared at each other for a long moment. _"It's like Edward said – Bella has never taken the life of a human. She works with children, teaching at the local elementary school. You can see for yourself. We'll provide the website, if you're willing to allow Grace to see her mother." _Emmett's tone was soft, almost pleading.

As much as it pained me to think it, all three of them cared a great deal for Bella. I rubbed my face with my hand, not believing what I was about to say.

"_Fine. Grace can see Bella, but NONE of you can be there. And I'm bringing my wife. I can't leave her at home unprotected. As for the treaty, I'm not going to turn down an opportunity to keep all of you out of the area…permanently. We'll draw it up, contact you, and sign it."_

Edward took a step forward, his hands linked behind his back. _"When? When can Bella see Grace?"_ The look in his eyes was intense, his jaw tight.

"_What difference does it make to you?"_ I hissed rapidly running through possibilities in my mind._ "Christmas is the earliest that will work for us."_ I finally said.

His eyes popped open, like he was witnessing a car wreck. _"Christmas is over a month away. How do we know that you'll keep your word?"_

"_Edward!"_ Carlisle reproached his "son".

I smiled at Edward, knowing I had him cornered. _"I will, because unlike you, I'm a man of honor. Grace has school. I can't upset her routine like that. Plus, I have to find a way to tell her. She may believe that her mother is still alive, but telling a child that she's about to see her again after three years apart isn't the easiest thing to accomplish."_

We left, not seeing them again until the new treaty was written it. It was simple. They wouldn't return to Forks again and Bella would see her daughter. I wanted to see the website, and they were true to their word and gave me the link. She went by a new name now, which didn't surprise me in the least. I'd searched the web since she left, hoping to find her, but Bella Swan brought up nothing but the newspaper listing of her death. She looked exactly the same that she had three years ago except her eyes were now a bright topaz, which told me everything that I'd always hoped would happen.

Bella had continued to teach children, and as I watched her hold and cuddle our Grace, I realized that her turning into one of these undead creatures did nothing to change her…not really. She was still my Bella. The same self-sacrificing, loving, stubborn, beautiful woman that I'd fallen in love with back in La Push. I still loved her, still worried about her, but she had Edward now. I had no idea why she would take him back, but it was her business. If she wanted him, I could trust her with that. And she looked so happy. I wouldn't begrudge her – not knowing how happy Meghan made me.

When we met with the Cullen's a few days later, we signed the treaty. We each got copies and then exchanged email information so I could send lists to the Cullens to help them prep for our visit. They'd let me know that Bella had no part in this, and I understood what they were saying. Bella wouldn't willingly agree to let me know where she'd ended up. Grace needed her mother, and I could see no reason to keep them apart. We could figure out everything else later.

Bella's POV:

I put Grace down for a nap in the early part of the afternoon on Christmas Day. She was still exhausted from all the excitement and activity and she'd finally given in to her heavy lids. I sat at her beside, watching her tiny chest rise and fall with every breath, thanking God that I'd been granted a second chance with my daughter. I was still worried about the future, but it didn't matter right now. The only thing that mattered was that she was here, and that she was happy to see me.

The joy I felt sitting here knew no bounds.

I heard Jake and Meghan slowly ascend the stairs, so I turned to acknowledge them standing in the doorway.

"Thank you. Thanks to the both of you." I paused, not sure of what to say next. "I don't know what I can do to adequately thank either of you, but I'll be forever grateful."

Meghan took a step toward me and I noticed Jake was holding her hand. "No need to thank us, Bella. I'm just so happy that Grace could come and see you. She talks about you all the time. She still remembers a little from when you were still with her in La Push."

I noticed that Meghan's free hand had flown to her lower belly. I could hear the subtle increase of blood flowing through her, and a second rapid heartbeat. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

She nodded, her eyes filling with what looked like happy tears. "Yes. Jake and I are expecting a little brother or sister for Grace sometime in the spring. She's so excited. We all are."

I looked at Jake, whose face was washed in shadows of memories. "Congratulations to you both. Giving birth to a child is something you never forget." I looked back at Grace's sleeping face, her tiny mouth slightly open. "I should know."

"Well, I'm going to give you two some time alone. Thank you for welcoming me here. It's wonderful to see Grace interact with you. She was so excited when she found out we were coming." She turned to leave, before Jake reached out an arm, circling her waist, and kissing her gently on the forehead. "I'll go and take a nap."

"Meghan?"

She turned back, a slight smile on her lips. "Yes, Bella?"

"Thank you." My voice was barely a whisper.

Her smile broadened, though her green eyes were crinkled in confusion. "Whatever for?" Her feminine voice had a hint of laughter.

"For taking such wonderful care of Grace. It's obvious that she adores you. You're doing something for her that I can't, and I'm so thankful for you. It's good to know that she has you in her life."

She nodded. "I love her dearly. Who wouldn't?" She looked at Grace sleeping in her bed, and her smiled widened, showing me her beautiful white teeth. "But she knows who her _real_ mother is. We make sure of that everyday." Meghan left, going next door. I heard the door shut quietly, and her feet pad softly toward the bed.

Jake looked at me. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." I smiled up at him.

He took a seat on the floor, playing with the dust ruffle of Grace's new bedding. "Bella, I'm sorry."

I looked at him, feeling my forehead crease in confusion. "What for?" His face was strained and I could tell whatever he wanted to say wasn't easy for him.

"For everything. For the imprint, for Paul, for Sam driving you from the reservation. I feel responsible." His face was tight, deep lines of concentration etched through his handsome face. But what struck me was how much he reminded me of the sixteen year-old Jake. _My Jacob._ Even as strong and powerful as he was, for a moment, fragile was the only word that I could have used to describe him. We'd both lost – so much.

I almost reached a hand toward him, and then thought better of it. Instead, my eyes shifted toward his stricken face. "Jake, none of this is your fault. As much as I never wanted to believe any of this, we never really have a say in our lives. Fate does what it wants, no matter how much it hurts."

"Bella, I-" Jake began.

I cut him off. "Jake, listen to me. I don't blame you for anything." His eyes were low. "Jake," I commanded quietly, "look at me."

His dark eyes lifted, his eyes starting to fill with tears of his own. "Bella, you lost everything. I didn't keep you safe. I'm so sorry."

Against my better judgment, this time I extended my hand toward him, gently clasping his. He flinched from the cold, while his heat penetrated my hard flesh. "Jake, stop. This isn't your fault. It's how it was meant to be. Please stop beating yourself up."

He shook his head, not willing to see my logic, so I tried again. "Jake, the Cullen's came to Forks, I moved in with Charlie, I met Edward. After everything that happened, he left to keep me safe. He thought he could track Victoria on his own – he tried for eight years to find her."

His eyes widened, so I continued. "After Edward left, you put me back together. I wouldn't have made it without you. We fell in love, Jake. That _was_ real, wasn't it?"

"Yes, Bella. That was real. I still love you and that never changed because of the imprint. It was just so strong. It changed in how I love you, but I will always feel that way about you. I _never_ wanted to lose you. But I couldn't figure out how to make you happy anymore. It wasn't fair to you – none of this is." He rubbed his eyes, trying to keep the tell-tale tears from me.

"None of this was fair to you either, Jake. You never asked to be a werewolf. You never asked for an imprint. You never asked to have to raise Grace on your own." I looked back at our beautiful daughter, pushing back a lock of hair from her forehead. "You did a wonderful job, Jake. She's amazing." I could hear my own voice crack. I pulled the covers up tight against her chin, tucking her in again.

"She's just like you, Bells."

"She is? How?" I yearned to know all the little things I'd missed out on for the last three years.

Jake chuckled softly. "She's just as stubborn as you, or did you not notice how hard she fought to stay awake last night? And she loves books. She's a frequent flier at the local library, and we take her to the Port Angeles bookstore at least once a month."

I nodded. "What else?"

"She believes those that she loves without question." He gave my hand a slight squeeze.

I looked at him, dragging my eyes from Grace's adorable face. "What do you mean?"

"I never told her you were dead, Bella. _Never._ Everyone else on the reservation, with the exception of the pack, tell her how proud you would be of her, how sad it was that you died. She just nods her heads, but then looks at me with this profound intelligence in her eyes. She believes me, not them. She accepts what happened, though it hasn't always been easy. When she's sick and calling for her mommy, she's not asking for Meghan. She wants you, and it kills me that I can't give her that."

I could feel my eyes begin to burn, knowing that I couldn't be there when she needed me most. "Jake, how is this all going to work out? How on earth did any of this happen?"

Jake started to talk, his hand squeezing mine every so often. He explained how Edward and the others had come to talk to him, how he'd agreed to allow Grace to come and see me. When I asked him about Sam allowing any of this, he smiled at me sheepishly. "I'm the alpha now, Bella. I'm in charge. My word is law."

I felt my eyes widen, until I thought they would pop out of my head. "But that means," I paused to take a breath before I whispered, "you're Chief. Doesn't it?"

Jake smiled at me, another soft chuckle escaping his full lips. "Yeah, I'm Chief. So what? I let the elders do their thing. I'm busy with the pack and the shop – most importantly, I have my family. They're my first priority."

"I'm so happy that you and Meghan are having a baby. Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" I asked quietly.

"No idea. Just like last time, I want to be surprised. But I couldn't care less as long as he or she is healthy." He paused and smiled. "My Meghan's convinced it's a boy." Every time he said her name, his face took on this awed look. I couldn't help but smile.

"Do you have names picked out?" I was struck by how utterly normal this conversation was. Two old friends, talking like nothing had ever happened.

"If it's a boy, Matthew – Matthew William, after my dad. We're still discussing girl's names, though Grace is partial to Marie." He looked at Grace, a smile transforming his features into one of amusement and contentment.

I laughed. "Why is she so taken with the name Marie?" I looked at the battered doll that she had gripped tightly to her chest, even in her peaceful state.

Jake was quiet. "It's your middle name, Bella. Or have you forgotten that?" His voice was somewhat pained again.

_Oh._ I had totally missed that. "No, I hadn't. I just never made the connection. So what else have I missed out on?"

Jake went on at length catching me up on everything. Her little phrases, her dry sense of humor, everything that he'd never told me about in those daily emails.

"Did you enjoy the pictures, Bells?" He asked innocently, but his eyes were shining with hope.

"So much. I mean, there were days that they were difficult to look at, thinking that I'd never see her again, but I was able to feel like I could be a small part of her life. It was the part of my day that I looked forward to and dreaded the most. But I'm certain that I wouldn't have made it without them. Every sacrifice was worth it for her." I paused, taking a deep breath. I'd come to the point in the conversation that I knew was coming, but didn't have a clue where to start.

"Jake?"

"Yeah, Bells?"

"How is all this going to work out? Don't misunderstand me – I'm so happy that she's here, that you allowed her to come and see me, but now what?"

"If you had told me where you were, this could have happened sooner," he softly chastised. Jake's smile reappeared before he continued. "Bella, we'll figure it out. I know that you can't come back to Washington, but she can come and see you during summer breaks and school holidays. You can call her, talk to her everyday. It won't be easy, but it'll all work out."

I looked at him, his eyes back to the relaxed stance that I'd always remembered. "Jake, that's not what I mean."

"I'm not following you, Bells. Talk to me."

"Jake, I'm no longer human. I don't want to lose her again, but I couldn't bear it if my being around her caused that stupid gene to kick in. I would never forgive myself." I could hear the very real panic in my voice.

Jake's grip tightened around my hand, the blaze of his skin warming me. "Bella, we don't even know if she carries the gene. You have nothing to worry about." His voice was strong and reassuring.

"I know that, but I don't want this life for her. I didn't think you did either." I looked at him, hoping that my expression conveyed the genuine concern I had for our baby.

"Bella, we have no idea what causes the gene to kick in. It's only a theory that close proximity is the key. It's not like we have genetic testing for this thing." He glanced down at Grace, as she turned in her bed, getting tangled in the covers. "Maybe it's like you said. Maybe fate is what makes the decision. And besides, now that she's seen you, there is no way that she's going to let go."

"I don't know, Jake, but maybe you're right. And just like her, I couldn't bear to let her go now." My heart almost broke with the thought. "Jake, I do have one other concern."

"What else are you worried about?"

I turned to face him. "Jake, I'm not going to age. How are we going to explain to her what I've become? How will she ever understand that I'm no longer human?"

Jake smiled at me, which I found rather odd. "Bella, she's getting used to unusual things. You shouldn't worry about it. She's seen me already."

I felt my eyes widen, when the realization of what he said started to sink in. "What do you mean by that?" _Please don't let it be what I think it is._

"Bells, she's seen me in werewolf form. When I took over the pack, I made a new ruling that the families would be informed, instead of being kept in the dark – wives especially. It's each member's choice of when to inform their kids on what's going on, but I felt Grace could handle it."

"When? How did she react?" My heart was in my throat waiting for his response.

Jake chuckled softly. "Last summer, right after her birthday. She thought I'd brought home a rather large dog for her as a pet – another gift for her. When I phased back, not in front of her of course, she started to understand. I don't think she totally gets it yet, but she realizes that it's me. The bizarre part is that it doesn't bother her, just like it never bothered you. Like I said, she's so much like you, Bella. If she can handle having a werewolf for a dad, I'm sure she'll have no problem dealing with the fact that her mom is," he paused, looking at me intently, "a vampire." The last word was a whisper.

I was shocked. She _was_ like me. I'd never thought that mythical creatures existed, but when I made the decision that they _were_ indeed real, my mind was set. Grace was the same way, and the hope in my heart began to grow. Maybe all of this would work out.

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you serious about me seeing her again?" I clutched his hand, knowing that whatever answer he gave wouldn't change my opinion of him. I would be so thankful that I got at least some time with my baby girl – even if it only meant the chance to say goodbye.

"Bells, I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it. We'll talk more this week. We'll figure out something before we leave New Year's Eve."

I was shocked. I had no idea that they would be spending the entire week. "You're staying the whole week?"

He chuckled again. "Well, only if you want us to, Bella." His voice was teasing, and I could feel the corners of my mouth start to twist into a smile.

"Yes. I'd like that very much." The thought of spending a whole week with Grace was wonderful. "But you'll stay too, right? You and Meghan?" I wanted the transition to be easy on Grace, and she knew them much better than she knew me.

"Yeah, we'll stay. I wish it could be longer, but Grace has to go back to school and the shop can't run without me forever. But we'll figure out when you can see her again." He winced, before he continued. "I can already see the phone bills!" We laughed together easily at this reminding us of an easier time.

We continued to talk like the last three years had never happened. He caught me up on the rest of the pack. Emily was thrilled when Sam was no longer the alpha, and they continued to add to their family. The other pack members were marrying and having children of their own. I asked about Quil, remembering his imprint on little Claire. Jake told me that they were inseparable, though she didn't know about the imprint yet. Sam had set up rules that she not be made aware of the situation until she was eighteen, and Jake saw no reason to change that ruling. Quil was at ease with the sanction, but was no less vigilant when it came to his unconventional imprint.

I caught him up on what I'd been doing. How I'd purchased an identity, bought the house, and, until four months ago, how hard and lonely it had been. That was hard to watch – Jake's eyes filled with immense sadness and he shook his head. I could see the rivers of guilt running through his mind, until I reminded him that this wasn't his fault.

Jake and I were slowly rebuilding our relationship. Parts of it would always be different. Here we were, biologically enemies, but for the sake of a small child, we fought through our differences.

Jake stood after hearing Meghan shift in their bed. "I should go and check on her." His nostrils flared, his nose crinkling in distaste before I laughed. "What?" Jake questioned.

"I know that you're doing your best to be polite, and I appreciate that, but you don't need to front with me. My scent isn't too appealing, is it?"

Jake looked uncomfortable, before he finally nodded, his nose crinkling more. "No offense, Bells," he offered.

"No offense taken. And just so you know, you don't smell like a rose garden either," I teased.

Jake's eyebrows shot up, his face feigning mock surprise. "Oh really? And what exactly do I smell like?"

Now it was my turn to be sheepish. "Wet dog." I whispered with a slight shudder.

Jake chuckled heartily, before he slapped a hand over his mouth, not wanting to wake Grace. "Well, I guess we're even. But your hair smells the same. It's good to know that some things never change." He chuckled.

My cell phone went off, and I rushed to grab it from my pocket. The caller ID announced that Edward was keeping his promise to call me later. Jake's keen eyesight caught his name on the screen, and he nodded toward me. He left, giving me some space, while he stood in the hall.

I flipped open the phone rapidly. "Hi." It was barely a whisper, and he laughed lightly in my ear, his soothing tenor voice bringing every cell in my body to life.

"How's it going?" His voice was genuinely interested.

"Wonderful. How is your Christmas day?" I missed him like crazy, and I'm sure my voice conveyed that very feeling.

"We're all fine. We miss you – _me_ especially." I could hear the longing. He took a deep breath before he continued. "What are you doing?"

I smiled. "I'm sitting here with Grace in her room. She's taking a nap. Tell Alice that she absolutely loved all her presents – especially the dollhouse and books. Please thank her for me – for everything, would you?"

I could hear Alice shriek in the background, which made my smile grow wider. I heard a struggle before Alice's voice came on the line. "You're welcome, Bella! Edward told me that Grace loved her room. That wasn't just me. Esme and Rosalie helped, and Jasper, Carlisle, and Emmett pitched in too. You should have seen them stringing lights outside. Good thing you live in the middle of nowhere!" Her voice got softer, as if the phone was being yanked from her ear, but not before she got in the last word. "I can't wait to talk to you about all of this. I can't wait to meet her!"

Another struggle and a couple of growls later, Edward was back on the line. "Sorry about that, but you know how Alice can be. I won't keep you, love. Just wanted to wish you merry Christmas again, and tell you how much I miss you. I love you so much, Bella." His voice made me shiver, and I was reminded all over again how terribly lucky I was to have him in my life.

Jake appeared at the door, and motioned to me. "Hold on, Edward."

My ex-husband's smile was full of warmth, but he still rolled his eyes at me. "It's your Christmas too, Bells. If you want him to come over, he's welcome to."

I smiled gratefully at Jake. "Are you sure?" He nodded. "Did you hear that, Edward?"

He hesitated. I could only hear his even breathing. "Is he sure, Bella? I don't want to cause any problems, not after everything he's done."

Jake smiled at me, rolling his eyes again. "Tell him to come over. I'm sure he misses you. I'll clear out and give you guys some privacy."

Edward said he'd be right over and I hung up the phone. "Thank you, Jake. I know that this can't be easy for you. I promise he won't hurt Grace."

Jake chuckled low, before he looked at me. "I heard you talking last night." He chuckled at my surprised expression. "I wasn't trying to, but my ears are pretty sensitive. I know Edward won't hurt Grace." His dark skin cracked wide with his smile as he looked at Grace's sleeping form. "Wet dog?" He teased.

I giggled, in spite of myself. "Yeah. Who would have thought? I think it took all of Edward's resolve to sit in the same room with her. That and he did it to make me happy," I offered shyly.

Jake suddenly turned serious. "I also know that you have a powerful gift of your own, Bella. That no one could touch Grace unless you wanted them to."

I thought back to that Christmas Eve, when I thought I was saying goodbye to Jake forever. "I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't even know what I was doing at the time. Did I hurt you?"

Jake crouched in the doorframe of Grace's room. "No. I'm pretty durable, remember? It just shocked the hell out of me. Have you used it since?" His dark eyes were a mixture of curiosity and seriousness.

"Only twice that I was aware of. Once when I took care of," I just couldn't say her name in the same room as Grace, "_her_, and then one other time." I was mortified to mention the night of the cocktail reception.

"What other time, Bells?" Jacob pressed lightly.

I broke eye contact with him, as my embarrassment level rose higher. "On Edward, about two months ago. He tried to kiss me, but I was so upset, that it came out of nowhere."

"I'm confused, Bells. When he came to Washington, he said you two weren't together. What's the real story?"

I told Jake the quick version of events, how we'd reconciled only after his family had intervened. I tried to be cautious when explaining things, keeping my explanations of my feelings for Edward vague, so not to upset Jacob.

"Bella, I never thought I'd say this, but you should go easy on him. It's obvious, with what he's done to make this happen, as well as what you've told me about him, that he loves you. Do you love him?"

I swallowed hard. "Yes."

Jake looked sad, but only for a moment. "I'm glad. You deserve someone that loves you – someone who will be there for you. And since this whole thing with Grace is going to be _permanent_, I guess I should start getting used to him, huh?"

I looked at Jake, but the only thing that registered was shock. Jake and Edward were sworn enemies. Jake had made no secret of how much he disliked Edward when we were together, especially after he joined the pack. But typical Jacob showed me his true side…one that only wanted the best for me. He looked at me, his expression communicating that he was waiting for a response, when my brain came back online. "He does want to marry me. He's told me that numerous times."

His face turned serious again. "Good, 'cause if he hurts you again, he'll have to answer to me…treaty or no treaty."

Jake excused himself, and it wasn't long before I heard a soft knock on the door. I took one last look at Grace, before I ran down the stairs. I tore the door open, and there he stood. The snow was falling, and his hair and shoulders were dusted with large fluffy flakes. I couldn't stop myself.

I lunged at him, kissing him, slipping my tongue into his mouth when my boldness caught him off guard. He returned my kiss for a moment, before gently pushing me back. "As much as I love your welcome, Bella, Grace is upstairs, and I don't want to upset Jacob."

"Edward, it was _his_ idea for you to come over. He's upstairs with Meghan, who's taking a nap." I hugged him, clasping my hands around his waist, before pulling him inside.

He kissed my forehead, cupping my chin to look at him. "Did Grace enjoy her Christmas? Did everything go according to plan?"

I smiled at him so broadly I thought my stone cheeks would crack. "She _loved_ everything. We had breakfast together and I pretended to eat with her. She talked the whole time. Grace loved every single one of her gifts, and especially loved her stocking. I had to fake my way through eating a piece of chocolate to keep her happy, but it was so much fun!"

"You look so happy right now. This was worth all of it." Edward's index finger traced my face, his beautiful topaz eyes full of love and complete relief.

I felt my eyebrows dip low over my eyes. "Worth what, exactly?"

"Don't worry about it, Bella. When they leave, I'll explain more. Just focus on the present, love."

I crossed my arms across my chest. "I'm not going anywhere until you explain that last comment of yours, Edward Cullen."

He sighed, and I knew that I'd won this round. "We offered something to Jacob in exchange for him allowing Grace to see you."

"What?" My anxiety level spiked.

Edward didn't answer right away. He looked at me and I could see the battle raging inside his head. Finally, he took me by the shoulders, his gaze boring into mine. "We gave up Forks."

"I don't understand you, Edward. What do you mean you '_gave up Forks'_?" I was utterly confused.

"We signed a new treaty, Bella. We told him that we wouldn't return to the area in exchange for him bringing Grace to see you."

"Oh, Edward. Why would you do that? Your family loves Forks." My happiness was now tempered with sadness for his family – my family. They all loved that small town; it was one of the few places that ever felt like home to them.

His blazing eyes captured my attention. "Bella, it was worth it. We made a family decision before the three of us flew out to give this up for you, Bella. We had to offer something, and we thought the only thing that might have the slightest chance in working would be for us to promise to never return."

I thought for a minute that I had possibly misjudged Jacob. How could he possibly have used our daughter, my Grace, to negotiate a treaty? My stomach twisted with the thought. "I can't believe that Jake would do that with Grace – that he would _use_ her to keep you all of out of Forks." My gaze shifted up the stairs, to where the door was closed.

"Bella." I turned to look at Edward, looking for anything to distract myself from the anger that was beginning to swirl inside me.

"Bella, it wasn't like that. He told me himself that he wouldn't Grace as a 'bargaining chip', as he called it. And I could hear his thoughts. He took us up on the offer to keep future generations safe from phasing. He never _used_ Grace. He _wanted_ you to see her, and it all worked out, didn't it?"

I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs, grateful for the relief. Edward promised he would never lie to me again, and I knew that he had every intention of keeping that promise.

We climbed back up the stairs, gingerly stepping into Grace's room to check on her.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"She's really beautiful. She looks so much like you and her eyes…." he trailed off.

"What about them?" I had shifted my eyes to where he stood, cupping his cheek to encourage him to finish his thought.

"Her eyes are just like yours – or at least what they _used_ to look like. I was utterly captivated by them last night." He took my hand, kissing my knuckles. "And her thoughts," he began as he laughed lightly.

My head whipped back to his direction, and I roughly grabbed him by the face, forcing him to look in my direction. "You can hear her thoughts, Edward? Can you?" The thought never occurred to me until he mentioned it.

Odd. He could never hear mine, but my daughter's were an open book.

"Are you sure you want to know?" he teased.

"Edward, so help me, if you keep teasing me, I-". He cut me off with a kiss.

His face was still bent toward mine as he whispered, "She thought you smelled wonderful. Her every thought was how much she loved you, how happy she was to be with you – and absolute relief." His eyes softened as he spoke.

"Relief about what?" I questioned.

"Relief that you seemed to like her. She thought that it was possible that since you'd been gone so long that you wouldn't love her anymore. That's one of the reasons she wouldn't let go of you last night, why she was so desperate to stay awake. She thought you were a dream and if she let go of you, she might wake up."

"Like her? Edward, I love her. Even more than I did when I was human, if that's possible."

"When you're one of our kind, we love like no other. I should know." He kissed my forehead again, his lips softly caressing my skin.

I kissed him again, pulling him closer to me. He returned the kiss in kind, making my knees turn to mush, while I savored how fortunate my life had suddenly become. Just then, a thought occurred to me.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?" He answered, somewhat annoyed by the fact that we'd stopped kissing.

"What did she think about _you_?"

Edward looked at me, slightly embarrassed. Had he still been human, I swear he would have been blushing. "She thought I was…_different_."

His tone told me without a doubt that he was holding back. "You're not telling me the whole truth, Mr. Cullen."

"Fine. She thought I smelled just as good as you, and that I was," he paused, looking at the floor, "handsome."

I covered my mouth to keep from waking her, as she began to stir in her bed. "Like mother, like daughter. Anything else?"

He smiled at me, that wonderful, perfect crooked smile that made my breath hitch in my throat. "She could sense that I was _unusual_, but figured that since I was with you, I must be all right. Does that answer your question, Mrs. Cullen?" Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, tucking me close to his chest, before he buried his face in my hair.

I sighed, one of those deep contented sighs that made him laugh. "That does answer my question, but I do have one other."

"Really? What's that?" He responded.

"When are you going to ask me again?" I asked quietly.

I could feel his lips curve into a smile against my neck, where he was gently kissing my skin. "Ask you what, Bella?" He teased.

Feeling annoyed, I shot back. "Never mind."

He spun me around to face him, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead, before diving in and kissing me soundly on the lips. "I will ask you soon. Sooner than you might think. I intend to make good on what I said to you that first night in our bed. You _will_ be my wife, Bella Swan." He glanced over at Grace. "And she will make the perfect the flower girl."

I melted into his arms as visions of flowers and dresses floated into my head. "Yes, she will. And when you ask me again, I just might say yes."

He held me, humming my lullaby and comparing all the ways he noticed that Grace was like me.

It was the most perfect Christmas I could ever remember.


	52. Chapter 51: New Year's Promises

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: Many thanks to Grumpy Grizzly, who helped me edit this thing when her life needed her more than I! You are a godsend...as well as helping me "tweak" Grace's voice, in addition to helping me tweak Alice's special Christmas presents._

_Also, a special thanks to Mandi1, who helped me storyboard wonderful gifts for Alice's first ever Christmas surprise! She's a miracle!_

_To buggage, who had suggested to me the idea of the technical equipment in this chapter...it was always part of the plan, but buggage is one clever reader!_

_Finally, thanks to many of you have been more than encouraging in the past couple of weeks - you know exactly who you are, and help me continue to pour my heart and soul into this piece. I'll be so sad when it's over!_

_I'm off to Forks tomorrow - yes, the actual FORKS, thank to my dear husband - I'm hoping for inspiration, but the next chapter might be a little later than usual. Let's pray that being there, where it all started, kicks me into high gear. My plan is to have this story complete before Breaking Dawn is released...no one will be reading fanfiction for a while when that book comes out!_

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 51: New Year's Promises

Bella's POV:

The morning of the thirty-first dawned all too soon, and my heart was aching. I had to take Grace to the airport today and say goodbye – at least for a little while.

Grace and I had spent the entire week together – tea parties, walks in the parks, snow angels in the backyard. On the one partially sunny day we had, which thankfully only lasted the morning, Grace and I had cuddled up in front of the TV watching cartoons. With the curtains drawn and a cheery fire crackling in the fireplace, Grace talked to me nonstop. I was sadly lacking in the knowledge of her favorite television shows, but she was more than eager to describe for me, in detail, about her beloved characters.

In all honesty, I didn't care what we did, as long as we did it together.

Meghan and Jake were wonderful about giving us some time together alone and occasionally, Edward would even join us. Grace had been so curious about the piano in the corner of the living room that I encouraged her to thump on it. The sounds she produced elicited laughter from me but caused Edward to cringe. He winced several times before he graciously offered to play a song especially for her.

_Grace. Was. Hooked_. She couldn't get enough of listening to Edward's immeasurable talent. Her big, brown eyes opened wide as she watched his fingers dance across the ivories. She would clap vigorously at the end of each piece and even disappeared into the kitchen at one point, returning with a large glass of water for Edward as a reward. He smiled at her gratefully and I watched in shock as he tipped the glass back, swallowing half of it in one gulp. _He'd pay for that one later._ I chuckled quietly to myself watching them. Grace was clearly enraptured with Edward and he obviously felt the same way about her. He offered to teach her to play, and she was elated by the offer. They mastered "Chopsticks" before the end of the week, the two of them playing together in tandem, which brought a lightness to my heart that I didn't think was possible.

I was amazed by her complete trust in Edward and the candor with which she spoke to him. One day in particular stood out to me. Meghan and Jake had gone into town to pick up some groceries, leaving the three of us at the house. Jake was slowly warming up to Edward, though I knew that they would never be close friends. They were both really trying for my sake and I appreciated it.

Edward was sitting on the sofa watching Grace and I read a book. It talked all about a princess falling in love with a prince – standard fairy tale stuff. Grace looked at the book, and then at me, back at the book, and then settled on Edward. She hopped off my lap, and walked toward him. He met her gaze with his beautiful smile telling me he already knew what she was going to say.

To state that I was intrigued was an understatement. Whatever she was thinking was basically making Edward's smile so broadly, his cheeks _must_ have hurt.

"_Edward, may I ask you a question?"_ Grace had wonderful manners, especially when speaking to adults.

"_You may ask me anything you like, Miss Grace."_ Edward replied as he leaned toward her. Grace loved that Edward had a special name for her and it never failed to make her giggle. Edward's chuckled at her response.

Grace grew serious again quickly. She tilted her head to the side and studied Edward's face. _"Do you love my mommy?"_

My mouth dropped open and my eyes flew to meet Edward's. If ever there were ever moments that I wished _I_ knew what _he_ was thinking, this was definitely one of them. I knew the answer, but had no clue if he would share that with her.

"_Why do you ask, Grace?"_ Edward's smile was smug as he fought hard to keep his expression one of curiosity rather than omniscience.

"_Well, I see the way you look at my mom, and it's the same way that daddy looks at mommy Meghan. So, do you love her?"_ She asked him pointedly.

He brushed a lock of her hair quickly behind her ear and leaned over to whisper his answer quietly to her. _"I do, Grace. Very much. Are you all right with that?" _He smiled again, so I knew he had already heard her answer.

She came running back to my vacant lap, resuming her previous spot before she grinned at me mischievously. She looked back at Edward. "_I'm okay with it, Edward. Are you okay with it, mommy?" _She asked me with a lilt in her voice.

I looked down at her cherubic face, nodding. _"I'm very okay with it, baby girl. I love Edward too."_

"_Good. And I know you do. Your eyes get all funny when you look at him."_ She picked the book back up returning to the page where we'd left off. I glanced over at Edward who mouthed _'I love you'_ before he winked at me. He settled back into the cushions, satisfied to watch the two of us in our own little world enjoying each other's company.

Jake and I talked at length as the week progressed and he agreed to let Grace come again for the Easter holiday. He would fly her halfway where I would meet them and bring her back with me. It felt like I was human all over again as I flashed back to when my parents exchanged me once a year. But it was different to be the parent this time. I would be counting the days until Grace was with me again. I finally understood how Charlie must have felt knowing that he'd only have me for two weeks a year. I'm not sure how he ever did it.

The day before she had to leave, Edward brought over a gift for the two of us. Jasper had researched and purchased the best web cameras on the market and arranged to have someone in La Push set up Grace's while Edward assured me that he would install mine himself once Grace was gone. I explained to my little girl that even though she wouldn't see me in person for a few months, we could still _see_ each other everyday. She wasn't sure what to think of them, looking at the boxes on the table, but her solemn face let me know that she trusted what I was saying.

We got out the calendar to count how many days we had to get through before we could hug again. Her counting skills were superb for a five year-old, but the high number was depressing. I told her that we'd talk everyday, and before you knew it, we'd be together again.

During one of our many nighttime chats after Grace had gone to bed for the night, Jake and I started to talk about _my_ plans for the future. He knew that Edward and I were together and he had wanted to discuss with me how I felt about him. He knew that Edward planned on marrying me, but Jake repeatedly questioned me, to satiate his need to know that I knew what I was doing. He'd put me back together once before when Edward had left me a decade earlier, and from his tone, I think he worried that my heart would get broken again.

I described for Jake what Edward had gone through while we were apart, though I edited a bit to allow his dignity to remain intact. I could tell that Jake wasn't entirely convinced that he'd left to keep me safe, but in the end, he told me that he'd found true happiness with Meghan and only wanted the same for me.

I knew Jake still loved me, just as much as I loved him. But this was different than it had been in La Push. We'd both grown and matured, and it was obvious that we only wanted the best for each other. He would be a father again soon. The way he looked at Meghan and the way he treated her told me intrinsically that his love for her ran deeper than the imprint. Meghan was the center of his world.

Jake was rather reluctant to allow Grace to be around the other Cullens. I understood his hesitation and worry that a tiny, human girl of five would be safe around seven – no, make that _eight_ – vampires. It took some explaining, but I finally helped him realize that the smell of her blood wouldn't be the least bit appealing (I almost said "appetizing", but thought better of it at the last second) to any of them. He and I argued about this civilly before finally coming to a resolution. They were my family now, and since I was going to be a permanent Cullen soon, it was only natural that Grace would need to be introduced into their lives. I was willing to fight for this because it meant so much to me. I also explained that nothing could be safer for a little girl than an entire family of vampires protecting her. In some ways, it was no different than having an entire pack of werewolf uncles and one solitary aunt guarding her every move.

I could see the resignation clearly marked all over Jake's face when he finally acquiesced that the Cullen's could be a _small_ part of Grace's life. We laid down ground rules in regards to the interaction with them. He knew with my "gift" that she'd be safe, so he agreed that for now, as long as I was _right_ next to her, the Cullen's could meet her, but only a few at a time. He'd observed Edward with her, and as hard as it was for him to admit it, Jake knew that he wouldn't hurt her.

When I arranged for Jake and Meghan to have a night alone, I quickly called the Cullen women to come for a visit.

I could hear the Range Rover pull to a stop in the driveway, its engine cut before three doors swung open. My new sisters and mother walked humanly toward the front porch, though I swore I could hear Alice whimper in impatience. Edward had warned them to act as normally as possible so as to not startle her.

"Sounds like the calvary has arrived. I'll go sit in the kitchen and give you ladies a little alone time with Grace. They'll be good." He laughed lightly in my ear. "Even Alice." He kissed me on the cheek, sending impulses throughout my whole body. He sat in what had become his customary seat, where he could be mostly out of sight, but still watch the action.

There was a subtle knock on the door, and I took Grace's hand before answering it. I had already explained to her that there were some very nice ladies coming to meet her. Grace shyly ducked behind my leg when I opened the door.

Three sets of topaz eyes searched for my daughter's form, before they softly gasped in unison. All they could see was her long hair and her delicate hand in mine, but the motherly feelings from all three women were apparent. Her face was still hidden from their expectant faces.

Alice crouched in front of her, her large doe eyes clearly excited. "Grace, I'm Alice. Your mom told me all about you."

Grace hesitantly peeked from behind my leg, her eyes slowly moving up to meet Alice's. She stared quietly for a minute before saying, "Hi, Alice. Did you know that your name is my middle name?" The tone of her voice was bashful but full of genuine curiosity.

Alice looked at her completely enraptured. She nodded genteelly, before slowly extending her hand toward a lock of Grace's hair that was hanging over her shoulder. "We share the same name and," Alice twirled that same length of hair around her finger, "the same hair color." Alice's eyes twinkled, and Grace's shy expression faded into a smile.

Alice moved further inside the hall, and Esme crouched in front of Grace next. "I'm Esme, Grace." She looked up at me before she continued. "It's uncanny, Bella. She looks so much like you." Grace watched us. "Even seeing the pictures…" Esme's voice trailed off.

"Mommy said you painted the picture of me in my room. Thank you. It's very pretty and it looks just like me." Grace reached forward, and gently hugged Esme around the neck. "Mommy said that you're teaching her to paint, too."

Esme was speechless so Rosalie nudged her. Her eyes were bright and full of love. "Yes, I am. I'd teach you too, if you'd like."

Grace nodded back, a smile on her lips. "That sounds like fun. I finger paint at school in art, but that gets messy and doesn't look like the pictures you do." She glanced up the stairs toward her room and smiled. "There's an art set in my room. Maybe I can show you."

Esme was clearly too choked up with emotion to speak, so she settled for nodding until she finally managed to murmur, "I'd like that."

Rosalie's turn. Grace looked up at her, her mouth dropping open in surprise when her eyes soaked up Rosalie's beauty. "You are so pretty."

Rosalie smiled at her brightly, her beautiful golden eyes taking in every inch of my little girl. "So are you, Grace. My name is Rosalie." She knelt in front of my daughter, handing her a little lavender gift bag with pale pink tissue paper sticking out the top.

Grace looked up at me, looking for permission to take the gift. I nodded at her and she shyly reached out for the bag. But at the last minute her hand extended past the handles of the sack and carefully gathered one of Rosalie's trademark golden curls in her grip. She felt the softness and watched each hair as she let it go. Her awestruck expression changed instantly when she realized we were all watching her. She looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

Rose laughed lightly. "Nothing to be sorry about. I'm flattered. May I touch your hair, Grace?" Grace nodded, and Rosalie ran her elegant fingers through my daughter's hair. "Your hair is so soft. And you have so much of it – much more than me." She offered the bag again to my little one, and Grace clapped her hands together before she took it. "Christmas is over and I'm STILL getting presents!" She squealed happily.

She grabbed Rosalie's hand and dragged her into the living room. Rosalie was just as shocked as I was, but I stifled the laughter as my shock turned to amusement. Grace plopped onto the couch, while Rose followed her lead. She daintily crossed her legs just like Rose did and gently pulled out the tissue paper. The ladylike behavior erupted into a squeal when she pulled out more books and the most beautiful jeweled barrettes I'd ever seen.

Grace waved the tiny purple hair clips at me proudly. "Mommy, look! They're sparkly!" She looked back up at Rosalie, who looked at her with a mother's love. "Will you put them in my hair, Ms. Rosalie?"

Rosalie looked in my direction for permission, which I quickly granted. She rifled through her purse and produced a hairbrush and set down to work, gently plying Grace's pencil straight hair into a stylish twist and securing it with her new accessory.

All three Cullen women were enchanted with Grace. We spent the afternoon chatting, Rosalie playing with Grace's hair, and Alice looking through books with her. Esme colored with her for a while until it was time for them to go home. Grace hugged each of them goodbye and made them promise to come back and visit her again soon. From all accounts, she was an honorary Cullen and I couldn't have been more pleased.

Emmett and Carlisle met Grace when they stopped by to say a quick hello on Tuesday morning. Grace was a bit intimidated by Emmett's size, diving quickly behind me when she first laid eyes on him. He chuckled loudly at her response and produced one of the goofiest faces I'd ever seen. He commented that she was appropriately named and must have gotten her stability on her feet from her father. She warmed up to him rapidly after she heard him laugh. She thought he sounded like Santa Claus.

Emmett brought a brand new set of playing cards for her and offered to sit down and play Go Fish. I sat with her, helping her play and she clapped excitedly when Emmett let her win hand after hand. Even Edward couldn't help but chuckle, and to add insult to injury, sat next to his brother to assist him in making "_suitable choices_".

"Well, Grace, it seems you're an expert at this game. Can't you cut me some slack?" Emmett teased, while he winked blatantly in her direction.

Grace shook her head in response, her little voice full of pride. "No, but maybe my mom can help you. She's really good at games." She giggled wildly when Emmett made sure that he looked pained at being beaten by a five year-old.

Carlisle was just as taken with Grace. He sat at the table and watched us play hand after hand, until Emmett finally surrendered. Grace turned her attention to Carlisle, and her good manners kicked in.

"Where do you work, Mr. Carlisle?" Just like I had been, Grace was wise beyond her years; the soul of someone much older in the body of a child.

"Actually, Grace, I'm a doctor. Maybe you'd like a tour of the hospital sometime?" Carlisle offered, but then whispered under his breath to me alone, "I'm sorry, Bella. I should have asked you first."

Grace looked up at me, her wide eyes willing me to agree. I smiled back at the both of them. "There isn't time this trip honey, but next time you come, we'll go and visit the hospital together. How does that sound?"

Grace squealed with delight and before she leapt off the chair and hugged Carlisle around the leg. He placed a soft hand on her hair, causing her to look up at him thoughtfully. "Did you help my mommy get better?"

Carlisle shot me a quick, questioning look. "Grace is asking if you helped me get better, because I was sick before." I hoped my eyes conveyed to him what I was talking about. I glanced over at Edward and he nodded to let me know that he'd relayed the details of my conversation with Grace that first night we were reunited.

Carlisle's compassionate eyes softened at the small, human child standing in the dining room, before he crouched in front of her so he could speak to her face to face. "My entire family helped your mommy feel better. We love her very much, and we only want to see her happy."

Grace smiled sweetly in his direction, before she came back to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck, whispering into my ear, "They're all so nice, Mommy. And they all smell good, just like you."

I could just catch Emmett, Edward, and Carlisle exchange amused glances since they easily caught Grace's so-called private chat with me. "I love them too, baby girl. And yes, they are very nice."

All too soon, Carlisle and Emmett said goodbye. I hugged them both, thanking them emphatically for coming to visit and understanding the need for them to come in small groups. They hugged me back tightly as the thanked me for the opportunity to meet a small human that in so many ways reminded them of me. Emmett chuckled that he hoped Grace would learn to stumble a little more being around me, causing Edward to growl quietly at him. He raised his hands in surrender.

Sadly, Jasper didn't come by. After what had happened with me all those years ago in Forks, he didn't trust himself to get too close. Alice and Edward had appealed to him, explaining that she smelled intrinsically like werewolf and that he wouldn't be the least bit attracted to her scent, but Jasper wouldn't sway in his decision. He called me to apologize, but I merely thanked him for being vigilant. I hoped, in time, he would trust himself to at least meet her.

Grace reveled in each new person she met, and the Cullen's didn't disappoint her. She was excited to meet so many new and interesting people. After each visit, she asked innocently if they were family, and I explained that they were like aunts and uncles, plus a fine set of grandparents.

She frowned, so I asked her what was wrong.

"I don't see Mimi Renee anymore. Daddy said she was sick and couldn't come to visit anymore. She doesn't even call, but I do get cards from her on my birthday and Christmas. Maybe Carlisle and Esme will let me see them more than Mimi Renee."

I looked at Jake, my eyes searching his for some type of answer. I had no idea what had become of Renee. He asked Meghan to take Grace to her room and to change her clothes for bed.

He came to my side, looking gently down at me. "Bells, Renee doesn't see Grace anymore. Hasn't since you supposedly died. She explained that it hurts too much to see her because she looks so much like you. I know she started drinking, but Phil takes good care of her." He paused, searching for his next words. "I just found out that she has terminal cancer. Doesn't have more than a year. I'm so sorry, Bella."

More information from my human life, but this one hit me like a ton of bricks. True, I was starting to forget more and more about Renee everyday, but I still missed her. To think that she was dying was a difficult pill to swallow. Edward and the others had talked about outliving everyone they new, but to face the reality of that myself was daunting. It hurt more that Grace had no real grandparents now. Again, I was grateful to Carlisle and Esme – they would love her like she was their own.

The week was one joyous day after another. Meghan was gracious enough to cook, since I had no way to test any type of food, and we'd occasionally order out to give her a break. I faked my way through every meal with Jake creatively distracting Grace so I could hide more of my food in the napkin on my lap.

I got to put her to bed every night; those nights when she had a bath were especially sweet. Meghan would bathe her while I would sit with them and chat. I was afraid that my cold hands would chill her or the water, but once she was out, I would help her dress and comb out her long, thick hair. I would rock her to sleep every night and then watch her through the dark hours, grateful that my keen eyesight allowed me to see every tiny feature and listen to her talk in her sleep.

The only time I left her side was to hunt – which I did only when she was sleeping during the wee hours of the morning. Dragging myself away from her side was nearly impossible.

When we arrived at the airport, I found my heart heavy and my feet dragging like they were filled with lead. I'd driven us there in Esme's Range Rover so Jake could have plenty of leg room. Grace loved playing with all the buttons and remarked at how pretty "Grandma Esme's" car was.

Jake was doing great with the whole Cullen thing, although I knew it wasn't easy for him. When he would come back to the house after a Cullen family visit, it was difficult for him to not wrinkle his nose in distaste. I laughed at his expression and he would normally join in after a fashion. Everyday was a challenge, but we were slowly finding our way back to the strong friendship we had in Forks.

Jake and Meghan were standing at the ticket counter retrieving their boarding passes and I knew that I had few precious moments left with my daughter before she went back to her human life. I pulled her closer to me not wanting to let her go; relishing every second that still remained.

I could feel small, warm teardrops as they fell on my hand. "Grace honey, it's going to be all right."

"I don't want to go. I want to stay here with you," Grace choked out as another round of tears escaped.

Switching her position so that she was facing me, I cradled her closer to my chest. I rocked her back and forth, as the tears came harder. "Grace, it'll be Easter before you know it and then you and I can spend a whole week together. I'll meet you and daddy at the airport, and then we'll be together again." I hoped the tone of my voice convinced her. I know it certainly wasn't working for me.

"It's a long time, Mommy. I'm gonna miss you so much!" She snuggled closer into my neck.

I held back my own sob, trying desperately to give Grace some comfort. I could fall apart after she left. "You and I will talk everyday and as soon as that camera is set up, you can see me on the computer. We'll talk all the time."

Grace nodded, but didn't say anymore. She sighed, keeping her grip tight around my neck, deeply inhaling my scent – just like I used to do with Edward.

All too soon, Jake and Meghan came to where we were sitting. Jake knelt in front of us ruffling Grace's hair playfully. "Gracie, it's time. Our plane is going to start boarding soon and we got you a window seat." He tried to sound playful, but his eyes betrayed what he knew was coming.

Another whimper came from Grace before I stood with her. The three of us walked toward the small security line at the local airport and I put Grace on her feet, kneeling in front of her. "Grace, you can call me the minute you're off the plane. I will _always_ pick up the phone, no matter the time. Whenever you need me, just have daddy help you dial the phone. I'll talk to you soon, Sweetheart."

I hugged her once more and she hugged me back fiercely. I could feel the warmth of her skin as her body shook with sadness. "I love you, mommy. I love you so much!" She whispered in my ear.

Her words were almost my undoing, but I took in a deep breath, filling my lungs with her scent – knowing that I would _not_ make this any more difficult for her. "I love you too, baby girl. I'm going to miss you just as much." _More, _I thought to myself.

She nodded into the crook of my neck and sighed knowing it was time.

Jake took her free hand. I kissed her quickly on the forehead and winked at her, which brought forth a little smile. "The minute you're off that plane, honey. Daddy said you can call me on the cell." I kept my smile bright, but I could feel my eyes and nose begin to burn, as emotion started to creep in.

I thanked Jake and Meghan once more, saying a final goodbye. The three of them headed toward the back of the security line making quick work of the monitors. Jake lifted Grace in his arms one last time and Grace waved at me, her tear-streaked face twisted in sadness. I smiled and waved in return, knowing that in only seconds, I could give into my own grief. The last look I had of her was as they moved past the security with her face buried in Jake's neck.

I finally let go of the sob that had been held hostage by sheer will. The agony seeped into every cell of my body, as I realized that my little girl was getting on a plane to fly back across the country. I knew I'd see her again, that Jake would keep his word, but the separation was too much.

My legs began to buckle beneath me as I slid down the column by the seating area. But before I hit the floor in a mess of miserable pain and depression, I felt strong arms reach around me, holding me up.

Edward pulled me toward him, holding on to me for dear life. I desperately reached around his neck grabbing him like a lifeline. His fingers found their way to my hair, and he began to rock me back and forth, his body rigid with tension at the sight of my pain.

Inhaling his scent, I willed my body to calm. I shouldn't be carrying on like this after so many wonderful experiences that had happened in the past week. I would see Grace again soon and I'd be talking to her even sooner. I also had the love of my life, my soul mate, anxious to comfort me.

"Edward," I managed to eek out, "I didn't know you were going to be here."

He continued to hold me, humming my lullaby in my ear, taking in deep breaths before he spoke. "I can't stand to see you hurting, Bella. I knew this day would be utter hell for you. What can I do to make this easier?" Ironically, the real ache in his voice cheered me a little. It helped me to remember that I _wasn't_ alone – not anymore.

"Just keep holding me. Your being here helps me more than you can possibly understand." He kissed my temple.

"How bad is it?" Edward asked gently.

"I already miss her so much. I knew that when she left it would be awful, but I had to let her go. I'm beginning to understand you a bit better, after all this," I sniffled.

He chuckled in my ear. "Well, let's both be glad that we learned from my mistakes. I never should have left you, but at least we know that we can find a balance with Grace. And just so you know, I miss her too. She's the most delightful child."

I looked up at him, his golden eyes warm and encouraging. "I think you might be just a bit biased."

"Oh really? Now why might you think that?" He teased, while he cocked one eyebrow at me.

"I think that because she looks like me, and reminds you of how I was as a human."

"You're only partially right, Bella." His velvet voice purred.

"Explain please," I said plaintively.

He smiled at me, slow and teasingly. "She reminds me of you as a human, but you're still the same Bella Swan. You're more durable now, but you're still _my_ Bella. I miss her because of how wonderful she is, how happy she makes you, and because to be quite honest," he paused, brushing my lower lip with his thumb lovingly, "I love her, Bella. Almost as if she were my own."

I gasped, not sure what to say. He laughed at me, resting his forehead against mine. "Bella, I may not be able to have a child of my own, but the instincts I have when it comes to her are very reminiscent of the feelings that Carlisle has for all of us. I would do anything to keep her safe and happy," he said as he kissed the tip of my nose, "just like I would for you."

Edward continued to hold me, kissing me tenderly as if we were the only two people at the airport. After a short time I heard a small sigh, one I immediately recognized. I stood on the balls of my feet, looking over Edward's shoulder, to see Alice sitting in the same chair that Grace and I had occupied recently.

The look of abject sadness on her face was heartbreaking. I took Edward's hand and led him to where she was sitting. We sat on either side of her, each taking one of her hands. "Alice, what's the matter?"

Alice's doe-like eyes glanced up at me, the glassy look in them impossible to miss. "I know I barely got to know her, but I miss her too. Easter is _so_ far away." Her arms were stubbornly folded across her chest.

"It won't be that long, Alice. She'll be back before you know it and maybe we can take her to the bookstore and get her some new reading material. How does that sound?"

Edward winked at me, while I noticed he squeezed Alice's hand in comfort.

"Maybe you're right. Besides, you must be hurting. I'm being selfish," Alice responded, looking up at me. Her tone was flat, but you could see she was trying to be supportive.

"It's okay, Alice. I knew you'd bond with her right away. But I'll tell you what. Maybe you can video-conference with me sometimes so you can see her too."

"Really? You'd let me talk to her?" Alice's trademark smile was back, though it was hesitant.

I laughed out loud. "Of course I would, Alice. You're all going to be part of her life, so she'll need to get used to you. Besides, she's your namesake. She was rather excited to finally meet the woman that she was named after."

Alice was positively beaming at that point. She squeezed my hand, casting a meaningful glance at Edward. He fished in his pockets and produced a set of keys. She looked back at me. "So, we'll see you at the house later?"

I looked at her questioningly. "Sure?" It came out like a question. I had no idea what she was planning, but the cunning grin on her face was hard to miss.

We all stood, Alice hugging me, kissing me on both cheeks. "I'll leave you two alone. See you soon." She gracefully pranced toward the automatic door of the airport leaving us behind as the door quietly opened and closed.

"What is she talking about, Edward?" I asked my tone a bit panicked, wondering what I was missing.

Edward laughed at my expression, drawing me back into his comforting embrace. "Nothing to worry about, love. We were going to exchange Christmas presents tonight, is all she meant. She's a little excited. And then we'll celebrate New Years. Sound all right to you?" He kissed my forehead.

My mood switched from panicked to mortified. "Oh Edward, I completely forgot about the Christmas presents for Alice. She's had to wait all this time! It's just that with Grace being here, I was completely focused on her. Alice must be so dis-" I babbled, before Edward cut me off with a kiss.

I immediately stopped protesting, focusing on how wonderful his lips felt on mine. He pulled away and I whimpered. "Bella," he began, the smile on his lips making it almost impossible to concentrate, "Alice was fine with waiting. There's absolutely no way that she would have interrupted your week with Grace. Now, let's head over to your house and pick those surprises up."

We headed toward Esme's car and then sped home toward my house. Edward held my hand the entire time there while we chatted about Grace. I thanked him again and again, eager for him to understand how incredibly grateful I was for him intervening with Jacob on my behalf. Edward simply kissed my hand in response.

When we got home, Edward quickly loaded the car with all the gifts for Alice and the ones I had for the family as well. I quickly packed a bag and we were on our way. I was grateful not to have to spend the night in the house missing Grace.

It was getting dark by the time we made it to the Cullen home, greeted by thousands of twinkling lights. Christmas music was blaring at a ridiculously loud level. Edward rolled his eyes at me as he cut the engine and hopped out to open my door.

Emmett and Jasper came bounding through the front entrance eager to help us bring in the gifts. They were almost as excited about Alice's surprises as she was. _Almost_. Alice was jumping up down and rushed at me, nearly toppling me over. "Bella, come upstairs with me. I have something waiting for you in my room with Rosalie." The smile on her face made me rather uncomfortable.

Edward nodded toward me, but continued to unload the car. I faced the hangman – _I mean Alice_, and dutifully followed her up the stairs.

"What's up, Alice?" I asked apprehensively.

She sighed. "Will you ever learn to trust me, Bella? I just need you to change." I suddenly noticed that both Alice and Rosalie were already dressed in chic cocktail dresses, their hair and makeup freshly done. I looked down at my jeans and sweater combo feeling sorely underdressed.

"I don't have anything fancy with me, Alice. I didn't pack anything like that." Not that I owned anything like that either, but even Alice should have known that.

Alice laughed. "I know that, silly. I took the liberty of purchasing you a dress this week." I rolled my eyes, but my smile was one of gratitude. She marched up to me, her stance defiant and a bit smug. "Oh loosen up, Bella. I didn't buy anything uncomfortable. If you're going to be a permanent part of this family, you're going to need to learn to go with the flow." She teased me.

We were in Alice and Jasper's suite, when she disappeared into her huge walk-in closet. She emerged with a dress bag and hung it on a small hook that was attached to the wall. On a dresser near it, she placed a shoebox form a well-known designer. I could already imagine how many times I would fall tonight, and how elated Emmett would be.

Alice unzipped the bag revealing a beautiful lace dress in a dark shade of charcoal. In the light the embroidered lace looked black and had short sleeves with a sash tied at the waist. I stepped forward, eager to inspect what I'd be wearing for the evening when I felt the frown steal across my face.

"Now what's wrong, Bella? It's conservative and it's much less expensive than the other one I was looking at. Plus, I know it'll fit you perfectly." Alice looked impatient and anxious all at once. Yet, there was something lurking in her eyes.

"It's lovely, Alice. It's just that I'm disappointed that it isn't…" I couldn't believe I was about to say this, "…_blue._" The last word came out as a whisper, while I looked sheepishly at my friend.

Alice squealed, running back into her closet and then re-emerging with another white dress bag. She threw the first on the bed haphazardly, nearly tearing the new bag open in her haste to show me what she was hiding.

She pulled out a second dress identical to the first except it was the loveliest shade of midnight blue. Alice looked pleased. "I knew you'd rather have blue, but after what I did with your dress for the cocktail party, I thought it fitting that I produce a dress in black for you. I'm so glad I ordered both."

Rosalie snorted. "Alice, _that _dress didn't even come in blue. Bella would kill you if she knew how much you had to pay to have them custom make it in that color."

Alice's mouth flew open looking at Rosalie as if she had just revealed a state secret. "Rose, she wasn't supposed to know that."

Feeling it was time to intervene, I stepped forward and embraced my tiny friend. "Alice, thank you. Edward will love it and I love you for going through all that trouble. Now, let's get me dressed so you can finally be surprised by all the wonderful Christmas presents your family chose for you."

Alice nearly levitated toward me, eager to get me changed and ready to face the rest of the family. She curled my hair while Rosalie did a quick makeup job. They bickered like sisters and I just sat back and enjoyed it, happily knowing that this night would end much differently than the last time I was sitting in this chair.

We finished quickly and Alice picked me up, impatiently hurling us down the stairs. When we made it to the bottom, Edward was waiting. A small growl barreled out of him but his smile was encouraging. "Alice, Bella is totally capable of walking down the stairs by herself." I smiled remembering how I had given him the same piece of advice not too long ago.

Alice dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "Edward, everyone is waiting, and I for one, am ready to celebrate Christmas." She took me by the hand. "Come on, Bella. Let's go and open my gifts."

Edward followed after us taking a seat near the tree. I moved to sit next to him, but he swiftly pulled me into his lap. Jasper's normally stoic expression was replaced with one of enthusiasm, his smile widening as he waited impatiently for everyone to converge around the tree. He turned to me. "Bella, are you still blocking her?"

I nodded, my grin just as smug as the rest of the family's at that point.

When we were all seated, he ceremoniously pulled one of his gifts from beneath the tree. It was a long, beautifully wrapped, flat package. He audaciously handed it to his wife. "Here, Alice. I hope you love it and much as I loved planning it for you."

Alice nearly tore the package from his hand, ripping the paper from the box. She opened the lid, her face turning from happiness to confusion. She picked up the first piece of paper, reading through the contents quickly; and then continued to pull out items, piece by piece. First was an itinerary, then a piece of fabric, and finally a personal note, but not from Jasper.

Alice's joyful scream of comprehension rattled the windows in the parlor. She leapt up off the floor, her first gift falling but she didn't notice as she flung herself into Jasper's waiting arms. "Oh, Jasper, he's my absolute favorite designer!"

Jasper's big gift was five days with a well-known designer who would consult personally with Alice to create a one-of-a-kind outfit that would be custom fitted to her specifications. The note had been from the designer himself informing her that he was looking forward to meeting with and collaborating on something fabulous that she could take home as her very own.

Alice continued to open her gifts from Jasper, which included jewelry and first edition books that had been almost impossible for Edward and me to track down.

Once Jasper's gifts were opened, Alice dived in for more. The look of anticipation and excitement on her face made the last few weeks of her whining and pouting worth it. Carlisle and Esme's gift was next.

A large, pale blue envelope was presented to her and she cautiously sliced it open and proceeded to read the legal contract that was inside. Alice's eyes snapped to her adopted parents. Again she emotionally leapt to her feet and into their waiting arms. She hugged them both meaningfully.

"We thought you would like it," Carlisle chuckled.

"It's secluded and on the water. You can design a home of your own there and get away with Jasper when you need a break from all of us. At least this time, we'll know where you're going," Esme teased.

Alice's parents had purchased her a rather large, secluded parcel of land in Biloxi, near where Alice had been born. Edward and I had jetted down there a couple of weekends back, to sign the papers at the closing, paying a ridiculous fee to ensure that the paperwork and transfer would be complete by Christmas. Alice was elated. You could see the wheels in her head turning, eager to start plans for building a little love nest where she and Jasper could get away for some alone time.

Edward stepped forward with a gift for his favorite sister. "Here you go, Alice. I hope you enjoy it as much as I had selecting it for you."

Alice beamed at him before she tore away the wrapping paper. Inside was a framed picture, the photograph in black and white. Alice quickly picked up the note and scanned it for information. She looked up at Edward with grateful eyes. "Edward, how on earth did you do this?"

"I've been researching it for a while and when Carlisle and Esme bought you the parcel of land, I thought it was the right time to give it to you. I hope you like it."

Alice nodded, not willing to take her eyes off the photograph. Edward had been able to locate an actual photograph of Alice's home when she had still been human. It was tattered with years of wear, but it clearly showed the two-story structure, its graceful porch beckoning visitors to sit for a while. Edward had also arranged for a world-renowned architect, who specialized in reproduction style, to draw up blueprints for her.

"Thank you, Edward." Alice managed to choke out.

Edward merely nodded at his sister, and tightened his hold on me.

Rosalie was next. She handed Alice a large box, which Alice quickly ripped from her hands. "Impatient, aren't we?" Rosalie quipped.

Alice dove in, eager to see what her beautiful sister had selected. She stood, all four feet, ten inches of her, and pulled a lovely couture coat from the box before realizing there was something hidden beneath it. She handed the coat to Jasper so she could grab the stack of paperwork.

Alice shrieked. "We haven't done this in so long! Not since before we went to Forks!"

Rosalie smiled back at her sister. "Well, I thought it would be a great opportunity for the four of us ladies to get away for a few days and enjoy some bonding time." Rosalie had purchased a trip for all of the Cullen women and me to attend fashion week in New York City for the fall shows. We had first class accommodations as well as front row tickets to some of the most exclusive events. Alice hugged Rosalie around the neck, eager to show her gratitude.

I was next. I handed Alice a bright red envelope, but when she reached forward to take it, I held on to it not sure that I wanted her to open yet.

_Once she did, there was no going back._

"Come on, Bella. I've been waiting for weeks!" Alice whined.

I let go, and braced myself for the attack. Edward laughed behind me. I had made Alice five coupons, each one redeemable for a free day of shopping with me, where I would be her own personal dress up doll, with the caveat that I would not complain once. Edward had doubled over in amusement when I mentioned the gift to him, but he assured me she would like it. I opened my eyes just in time to see Alice heading straight for me, eager to show her thanks. "Oh, Bella," she exclaimed when she hugged me fiercely, "this will be such fun. I have _so_ many ideas of how I'd like to dress you. When can we go?"

I laughed at her zeal and the gifts continued to emerge from beneath the tree. Emmett waited until Alice looked at him with narrowed eyes. He fished his out, and proudly handed it to her and then reclaimed his seat next to his wife. "Go ahead, Alice. It's your last surprise."

Alice tore open her gift, and pulled out a certificate. Alice rolled her eyes at her big brother, her impatience written all over her face. "Emmett!" she bellowed.

"What? It's for a class on Tarot card reading and telling the future. Maybe there are some new advances, or even better – maybe you could teach them a thing or two!" He chuckled, clearly amused by his own logic. Emmett returned Alice's look of contempt. "What? It was either this, or a Slinky!"

I watched in fascination as they teased and argued with each other. I was distracted when I felt Edward hand me a gift. But before I would open it, I fished his out from the pile. He smiled at me, the bashfulness of his expression making me want to kiss him right there, but I resisted, not wanting to embarrass myself in front of his entire family.

I shyly opened the package, a flat box that was beautifully wrapped and decorated with thick brocade ribbon. I took the lid off, and noticed there was a significant amount of dust on the articles inside. To say I was confused was an understatement. "Edward?" I asked, not sure of what else to say.

Edward lifted up an ancient CD and removed it from its holder turning to hand it to Jasper, who crossed the room and popped it into the stereo component in the wall. Once he pushed "play", beautiful piano music filled the room and I immediately recognized Esme's song. After a moment, I understood.

I looked back at the package and noticed what appeared to be old airline vouchers that read "_Jacksonville, Florida_." I picked them up and discovered several photos of Edward underneath. Those very photos that had disappeared when he left me all those years ago.

I looked up at him to find him watching me with intently, his stare full of a contrast of absolute love and complete anxiety. "Edward," I asked breathlessly, "where did these come from? When you left," my voice broke, "I couldn't find them. Where did they go?"

Edward gently caressed my cheek, his golden eyes dazzling me. "When I left, I promised you that I would never interfere with your life again, but I couldn't go without leaving a piece of me behind with you. When I made the worst decision of my life and let you go, I ran back to Charlie's house and buried these beneath your floorboards. That way, there would always be a piece of me still with you."

I looked back down at the package, the dust thick on every item, and knew that he was telling me the truth. "But how did they get here? When?" I thought I knew the answer, but I needed to hear it.

Emmett came up behind his brother and clapped Edward on the shoulder with his massive hand. "Emmett and I did a bit of breaking and entering when we went to see the wolves. We weren't together at the time, but something in my heart told me that I needed to bring them back with me."

Emmett cleared his throat, which got my attention. "Bella, we waited until the family was gone, and then it was easy. We just picked the lock to the front door, went upstairs to your old room, and pulled the floorboard up. We grabbed the stuff, put everything back, and were out of the house within minutes. After all of our years together, we're pretty good at the illegal stuff." He looked like a kid in a candy store thinking about it.

"Emmett!" Esme said reproachfully, but without any real conviction.

"Oh come on, Esme. We didn't do any harm. We were just retrieving something that the previous owner left," Emmett teased, winking at his mother.

I looked down at the package in front of me, then back up at Edward. My mind flickered with images and memories of how horrible I'd felt when he left. Once again I realized that he truly had loved me the entire time. Now I had physical proof of that fact. I kissed him with all the love and adoration I felt for him. He was kissing me back hungrily when we both realized that the room had gone eerily quiet. I broke off the kiss almost afraid to meet anyone's eyes. We finally looked up to see each and every family member grinning at us.

Sensing our embarrassment, everyone quickly went back to opening gifts, breaking the silence in the room. Edward handed me another gift, this one similar in size and shape. "You haven't opened yours yet, Edward."

"I will. But open this one first, please?" I hesitated. "Please?" He repeated.

I agreed, slowly opening lifting the lid. Lying inside was lots of writing, so I lifted the paperwork, quickly scanning it for more information. Edward had purchased a trip for us; a _private_ vacation during my mid-winter break. "I figured since we weren't ever able to visit Florida, I'd take _us_ somewhere else." He smiled at me, before he reiterated, "Just the two of us."

I was more than excited at the idea of spending an entire week alone with Edward, simply having uninterrupted time together. I nodded happily at him, tucking everything back into the box carefully, and then pressing my gift back into his hand. "I love it." My brows lifted, waiting for him to open his present. "Now, I did as you asked. It's your turn."

Edward smiled back at me before he turned his attention back to the gift. He quickly tore open the envelope I'd handed him, pulling out the letter I'd written for him.

_My dearest Edward,_

_You held onto our love, even when I thought it was gone forever. _

_Now that I know that it was real, that you were out there looking over me, even when I couldn't see you. I know that you'll continue to look after me, loving me, and keeping me safe. _

_So what does this have to do with your Christmas gift? I've arranged for us to have some new photographs taken – just of you and me. A new start demands new traditions._

_Know that I look forward to being a permanent part of your life. I hope you understand how very much I love you._

_Thank you for never giving up on us._

_Yours forever, _

_Bella_

Edward grinned at me. He knew I never felt like I belonged in pictures with him before, and the look in his eyes told me that he understood exactly what I was saying with this gift. I knew that I wasn't as good as the romantic stuff as he was, but I really hoped that he would be pleased. He drew me closer to him to graze his lips across my forehead. "I love you, Bella. It's perfect."

Alice came to where we were sitting and plopped herself in front of us. "Can I dress you for the photographs?" She teased.

"Of course. I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Bella?" Alice asked hesitantly.

"What?"

"This was nice."

I knew what she meant, but I thought I'd torture her just a bit more. "What was nice, Alice?" I asked with the most innocent look I could muster.

Alice rolled her eyes, a tiny sigh escaping her lips. "This – the surprises. I think this might be nice every year, if you're up to it."

Jasper pumped the air with his fist and yelled, "Yes!"

Edward and I both laughed along with the entire family. _Our family_. "Alice, she's not going anywhere, so I think we can definitely start a new family tradition," Edward answered for me.

The Cullens scooped up their Christmas treasures but Edward took my hand and led me toward the front porch. He kissed me ardently, and I melted into his touch.

"You look so beautiful. I know it might not be fashionably acceptable, but I would be thrilled if you wore that color everyday." He kissed me again.

I heard music switch back on the notes floating out to us. It was slow waltzing music and I didn't resist when Edward slid his arm around my waist. "Dance with me?" He asked.

_Like I'd turn him down?_ I nodded, not trusting my voice.

We danced for a while until he steered us toward one of the double rockers on the porch. A light snow had begun to fall and I took a moment to reflect on how perfect the last week had been.

"Bella?" Edward's velvety voice called to me snapping my attention back to the present.

"Yes?"

"I have one other gift for you." Edward's voice me made me shiver in anticipation.

Edward eased out of his jacket and placed it around my bare arms. "Edward, I don't need…" The look in his eyes cut off my protests.

Edward reached into his pocket, pulling out a small black velvet box. The rate of my breathing increased, which made him chuckle.

He opened up the box, and there, nestled inside the folds of satin and velvet, was a tiny yellow gold band that held several multi-colored stones.

Edward retrieved the ring and held it up where I could see it more clearly. "It's called a 'Dearest Ring'. It was my mother's."

I ran my finger over the smooth stones and whispered, "Esme's?"

"No." His voice was quiet, and I looked up to see his eyes held a bit of pain. "It belonged to my biological mother, Elizabeth."

I gasped, not expecting that answer. Edward's hand cupped my cheek turning my face so our eyes met. "In my parent's day, it was customary to give a promise ring of sorts. My father gave this to my mother when he was still in law school. The stones stand for each letter in the word _dearest_ – diamond, emerald, amethyst, ruby, another emerald, sapphire, and finally, topaz."

I looked back down at the ring, noticing each gemstone and pausing to remember which letter it stood for. My eyes settled on the topaz – a yellow one that exactly matched the color of our eyes. "Oh Edward, it's exquisite."

Edward took my left hand and with his thumb began to run soothing circles over my third finger. He looked back up at me, his intense golden gaze knocking the breath right out of me. "Bella, will you take this, for now? Will you accept this ring with the understanding that very soon, I'll replace it with a diamond that means you'll be mine in every way forever?" His voice was quiet, but full of emotion.

"Edward, I don't need a diamond. I only need you." I answered.

"Bella, I just need a little more time – please try to be patient with me." The tone of his voice was quiet.

_Oh…I see._ "It's alright, Edward. I understand." So maybe he didn't want to marry me now – that's all right. The funny thing was how my heart started hurting again, but I put on a brave face, hoping my voice didn't betray my disappointment.

Edward placed his hand over my mouth to quiet me, before his free hand found my chin and tilted my face up toward his. "Bella, I've waited ten years to ask you that very important question, and I need it to be perfect – for the both of us. I'm going to ask you to marry me – I have every intention of doing that; I wouldn't have it any other way. Please say you believe me." His gaze was intense.

He may not be able to read my mind, but he really did _know_ me.

I nodded, unable to tear my eyes away from his loving gaze.

"So you'll accept this ring – _for now_?" He put added emphasis on the last two words, and removed his hand from my mouth, the smile that was forming on his face hard to miss.

I nodded, unable to tear my gaze away from his. I found my voice at last. "Yes, I absolutely will." Edward slipped the ring on my finger – it was a perfect fit. He leaned forward and kissed me sweetly.

"Are you ever going to understand how much I love you?" Edward asked, his exasperated tone making me cringe.

"I'm trying," I offered.

Edward smiled at me and stood, taking me with him, and wrapped me in his arms. I could hear Alice screech inside announcing that it was ten seconds until midnight. I started toward the front door, but Edward stopped me, pulling me back to him. "We have forever with them. Let's enjoy this New Year beginning alone."

We counted down the seconds together, and then listened to the fireworks going off in the backyard. The rest of the Cullen's were enjoying the view, but I could only stare at Edward's handsome face. The soft music was still playing, and Edward began dancing with me again, leaning in to kiss me deeply as we swayed together on the porch.

His rested his forehead against mine. "Happy New Year, Bella. By this time next year, I promise that you'll be Mrs. Edward Cullen." The tone of his voice was husky and full of longing, and I felt my knees start to shake. I nestled closer, kissing him over and over again.

That was definitely one promise that I not only believed, but would definitely hold him to.

_I couldn't wait._


	53. Chapter 52: Sure, Sure

Chapter 52: Sure, Sure

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

_Author's Note: A HUGE thank you to Grumpy Grizzly, who turned this around while on vacation - at my house! Yay! Such fun! _

_Also, sorry for the delay. I know it's beyond late, but I've been under the weather. I hope this chapter lives up to everyone expectations!_

_Also, a very special thank you to Jazmai who whined repeatedly for the last few days over at Twilighted (dot) net...whatever would we do without her! :) Can you hear the sarcasm...good thing I love her!_

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 52: Sure, Sure

Bella's POV:

I spoke with Grace the minute she got off the plane and several times a day for the next couple of weeks. True to his word, Jasper had both web cameras installed, and when Grace saw me for the first time via her computer monitor, she squealed with delight. It wasn't the same as having her in my arms, but for now it would do.

Grace had a three-day weekend from the reservation school so Jake suggested that I fly into Seattle to see her, if I could manage it. Edward came with me, renting two lovely hotel suites for all of us. The impromptu weekend was precisely what Grace and I both needed. We were inseparable almost the entire weekend, but the time was well spent and made the unavoidable separation between us more tolerable.

I took her to the zoo where we got a fun call from Alice and Rosalie. Every moment was etched into my permanent memory; from her big smile when she met us at the airport to something as simple as taking her to the local McDonalds brought joy to my heart. She was hesitant to leave my side, but I was able to encourage her to explore things that came our way. Jake and I discussed more frequent visits, finally coming to an agreement to plan something at least monthly. I was ecstatic. Grace's reaction was so fun. She did a little happy dance singing, "I get to see my mommy. I get to see my mommy."

The weeks flew by and my schedule evolved into a routine that involved Edward every single day. My weekends were spent with the entire family, but Edward and I were rarely separated. He would occasionally gift me with something that I endlessly hoped would be a ring. He would sometimes recognize my disappointment, kiss me gently, and laugh. His eyes would twinkle teasingly, but I really was _trying_ to be patient. I could hardly wait for the next part of my life to begin. My favorite gift so far was a beautiful platinum and diamond brooch that had belonged to Elizabeth Mason. It was so old and delicate, that I was afraid to wear it, until Alice assured me that she could _see_ that nothing was going to happen to it.

I still loved working with my students, but I was looking forward to mid-winter break. When Mandy and I were busy closing up the room that last Friday before the holiday, I couldn't help but smile, knowing that within hours, I would be on a flight with Edward – _alone._

"What's that smile for?" Mandy teased.

I realized she was talking to me, so I glanced in her direction discovering a sly smile that mirrored my own. "Oh, just thinking about the week off." I answered casually waving my hand in the air.

"You know," Mandy began cautiously, her grin growing into a smile, "this time last year you were completely hesitant about this week off, almost like you were dreading it."

I thought back to last year at this time, before the Cullens had returned. I involuntarily shivered as the memory of an interminable lonely week surfaced.

"_Elizabeth_?" Mandy questioned full of concern. The teasing smile had left her face when I sobered so immediately.

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to remember that painful week was in the past and that my desperate loneliness was a distant memory. "You're right, Mandy. This time last year, I didn't have much to look forward to." I smiled at her genuinely. "This year, things are entirely different." I chuckled.

"Because of Edward?" She teased, but this time her voice was once again full of playful optimism.

"Exactly. Where are you and Jack off to?" I asked in an attempt to turn the conversation away from me.

"Well," she raised one long, perfectly waxed eyebrow, "I teased him about taking me to Paris, but he confessed that he was taking me there for our official honeymoon." She rolled her eyes in anticipation. "Instead, we're going home to see my parents in Atlanta. Mama and Daddy are anxious to _get to know him_." She scowled at the thought.

"That sounds like…fun; just you, Jack and your family." I said sarcastically.

"Mm-hmm," she answered back just as acerbicallly, cleaning up the last of our centers for the day.

We finished up our work just as Edward breezed through the door. He kissed me sweetly on the mouth, before I ducked my head shyly. "Edward," I whispered, "not at work."

"Yes, you really shouldn't do that while you're on the clock."

I stiffened when I realized that Gerry had joined us. I could hear growling deep in his chest, but Edward's smug smile didn't falter. This wasn't going to be good.

"Gerry, Mandy and I were just on our way out. Have a pleasant week off," I stated coolly and firmly, making my way toward the door with my bag in hand.

Gerry took a quick step to his left, placing himself in the way to prevent our exit. "I need to speak with you for a moment, _Beth_," he said with a sneer. He reached toward my wrist, but Edward effortlessly moved between us, his growl now almost audible to the humans in the room.

"I believe she's officially done with work for the day, Gerry – and we have plans." The tone of Edward's voice and his stilled body let me know that things were going to escalate quickly if we didn't get out of here.

Edward took my left hand and kissed it sweetly. As his hooded eyes rose to meet mine I could see his glee at toying with my boss. I immediately stopped breathing, realizing what he was up to. Sure enough, he continued to rub his thumb over my knuckles, kissing my _dearest_ ring in Gerry's line of sight, while shifting his gaze toward him. That was a dare if I ever saw one.

Gerry's face contorted with rage, the beet red flush of his cheeks rushing down toward his neck like water pours over a waterfall. "I only need a second before you go, _Beth_. It's important." He nearly hissed.

_Fine_. I sighed, and looked at Gerry with unconcealed contempt. "If you can make it quick."

Edward's fingers slid to lock with mine and when I took a step, he wouldn't let go. "No. You're not going anywhere with him." His tone was low and menacing.

I easily unlocked my fingers from his grip, lifting my gaze to his. His eyes were icy cold, looking at me with an urgency I couldn't ignore. "I'll just be a minute, Edward. Maybe you could bring the car around for us?" I offered, hoping he'd understand that he had nothing to be concerned about. Gerry was hardly a threat – to either of us.

Taking a deep breath, Edward reached out and squeezed my fingers gently, rubbing his thumb in those familiar soothing circles on my skin; I could see the strain in his eyes as he forced himself to relax. "I'll wait right here for you. _I've_ got all the time in the world."

I smiled at him, thanking him with my eyes. He quickly nodded once.

I followed Gerry into the hall, not allowing him to move us too far from the room. My pitiful excuse of a boss turned to face me. "I'm doing numbers for next year, _Beth_. I have to tell you it doesn't look good." His tone was grim, but I could hear the overly dramatic inflection in his voice.

"Oh – what does that mean exactly?" I kept my tone detached and tried to assume a look of nonchalance.

"Well," he began, "I may have to make some cuts for the fall. I would hate for one of those jobs to be yours."

"Excuse me?"

"No need for you to worry about it now. I'm sure that everything will work itself out, but I think you should know that I'll be monitoring progress in your room over the next few months, just to ensure that we keep the _right_ people. Just make sure that you're other _hobbies_ aren't getting in the way of your teaching."

I was outraged, but fought to keep the emotion off my face. "Do whatever you have to do, Gerry. Are we done?"

"No need to get all up in arms, _Beth_. I'm just letting you know." He smiled at me smugly, before walking off, whistling off-tune as he went.

I stormed back into my classroom, where the look on Edward's face let me know without a doubt that he'd heard everything and was beyond furious. "I'll snap his insidious, little--"

I shot him a look, pleading with him quietly to stop, knowing that Mandy was still with us. I turned to look at her. "Mandy, ready to go?"

She quickly grabbed her bag, her wide eyes letting me know that she was just as anxious to get out of the building as I was.

Edward escorted us both out and as we left in the Volvo, I could still feel the tension rising off him like steam. "Edward?"

"Hmm?" he replied, lips tight and his knuckles white on the steering wheel.

I put my hand on his thigh, and I could feel him slowly starting to relax. "Edward, don't let this ruin our vacation. Please? Relax. For us?"

He nodded and kissed the back of my hand, flashing me my favorite smile. "I'm sorry. I just worry about you. To think that he's that close to you everyday – to know what he _really_ thinks about you makes my protective side come dangerously close to the surface."

We drove in companionable silence until we reached the local airport. Edward steered the Volvo away from the long-term parking and headed off toward the private terminal that housed planes owned and operated by either individuals or rented by local carriers.

"Where are we going?" I asked. My head turned in the direction of the missed exit toward the regular parking garage.

Edward chuckled as he excitedly gripped my hand more tightly. "We have a plane to catch." He paused. "It's this way."

He pulled into private parking and leapt out of his seat in a flash to open my car door and kiss me soundly on the mouth. "I've wanted to do that since I picked you up this afternoon." He sighed, very pleased with himself for his patience.

I returned his kiss fervently until I heard two people in uniform approach us. "Mr. Cullen?" The taller male addressed us.

"Yes. Is everything ready for our flight?"

"Yes, sir. Your luggage has already been loaded. Whenever you're ready, we'll ask the tower for clearance to take off."

Edward's hand found the small of my back so he could steer me toward a sleek, smaller jet. "Edward, is _that_ our plane?" I asked incredulously.

"No – well, _yes_. It's the family's plane. I guess before the end of the year, you'll be a Cullen as well, so it is _our_ plane." He joked. I was too shocked to answer as I just willed my feet to keep up with his.

"Have you always had a plane?" The Cullens had everything else – why _not_ a plane?

"We bought one a while ago. It simply made things easier." His tone was grave. I noticed he wouldn't make eye contact with me.

"Made what easier?" I couldn't understand his rapid mood change.

He stopped and grabbed both sides of my face. "When we were hunting _her._ It was simply more efficient to have our own mode of transportation." He rested his forehead against mine.

"Oh." I grabbed onto the collar of his coat, tugging him toward my hungry lips. "I don't want either of us to think about that anymore." I hoped my tone was firm and finite. I kissed him hard, before I looked at him fiercely.

He nodded, before he managed a smile. "Let's go." We continued to walk toward the plane, walking hand in hand.

The stairway was down, and he motioned for me to board, quickly following me. The interior of the plane was beautiful – calming hues of neutral tones with large, oversized seats that filled the interior. There was a state of the art stereo system and flat panel television attached to the front wall. Sitting on one seat was a large, wrapped package.

As we moved toward the seats, Edward kissed my forehead and stepped away. I could hear him conversing with the pilot and crew. Although I was distracted by everything I could see, I distinctly heard him direct the staff that we were to be left alone unless absolutely necessary. I stifled a smirk.

Edward returned to me, his handsome face broadly painted with a smile. "We're ready to go. Why don't you get strapped in? The pilot is asking for permission to take off."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Why do we need seatbelts? It's not like anything would happen to us if the plane went down." I murmured quietly.

Edward took my hand and guided me toward one of the oversized seats. "Because love, we need to keep up appearances." He slid the buckle in place, his face buried in my hair. He inhaled deeply, and I could have sworn I heard him sigh in contentment.

He sat down in the seat next to me just as I heard the engines start and the plane rumble to life. I couldn't help but smile.

"What's that smile for? What exactly are you thinking?" Edward quizzed.

"I'm just excited. It's been a long time since I've really been anywhere."

"Well, that's something I hope to remedy. If you'll let me," Edward slyly offered.

I kissed him, starting what would help our flight pass quickly. We occasionally would stop to talk, but ultimately the words were few and before we knew it, the pilot announced that we were about to land. Edward reached behind him, grabbing the package he had casually tossed aside before we departed.

"Open this. I meant to give it to you earlier, but we've been otherwise occupied." His smile was devious.

I took the box in my hand, letting him lift the lid. Nestled inside were crisp sheets of tissue paper. Edward's normal patience was no longer evident as he hastily pulled the sheets away to reveal a beautiful evening gown in what else? His favorite shade of blue…

"Edward," I gasped, "it's beautiful. But what is it for?" I asked.

"Something special – something for just the two of us." He answered mysteriously.

If I had a functioning heart, it would have been racing with the anticipation. I was hoping that this dress might finally be a clue as to when Edward would finally ask me to be his wife. I tried to temper my glee while pulling the beautiful gown from the box. "And just what is this special something?"

He shook his head at me. "I'm not telling. This vacation is about surprises…_for you_."

I sighed, but resigned myself that Edward wasn't about to give anything away.

We walked off the plane to where some type of sports car was waiting for us. Our luggage was already being loaded into the back of the car. Edward bid the crew goodbye, before we took off for our next destination.

The snow fluttered down in soft flakes as Edward easily maneuvered the car through the narrow streets. We drove for a couple of hours, holding hands and chatting about nothing as the car climbed higher into the mountains. The view was spectacular.

When we finally ran out of road, Edward turned off, driving us down a cobblestone drive. When we rounded the final corner, my breath caught in surprise. Edward had told me that we would be staying in a _small_ chalet, but there was nothing small about this building.

Looking more like a castle, I couldn't help but stare with my mouth open. "Edward, it's beautiful."

"Yes, and it's just for us."

_You have got to be kidding me!_ "Just for us? This place is the size of a hotel. How can this be just for us?"

Edward laughed heartily. "Bella, it's one of the family's homes. We come here when we're looking to ski or just spend some uninterrupted time away from everything. It's remote, which is why I chose it for our vacation. That way, we can hunt, hike, do whatever we please, and no one will intrude on us."

"Oh." I really didn't know what else to say.

Edward pulled into the drive, cutting the engine and stepping out. He retrieved me from the car, kissing me urgently, and then ushered me inside. This house was so different from the other Cullen homes I had seen.

It was lavish, but not ostentatious. It still had the same serene colors that Esme loved, but was family friendly and obviously comfortable. The entryway was enormous, but with the multiple fireplaces that were evident from the roofline, it was obvious that it was chosen for its coziness.

"Edward, it's beautiful." I ducked my head sheepishly when his laughter made me realize I'd _already_ said that.

He hugged me close, burying his head in my hair. "It's definitely one of Esme's favorites. She and Carlisle try to come out at least once a year, if they can manage it with his schedule. Let's take a look around."

He led me through the many rooms until we reached mine. It had windows facing the back of the property, which showcased a magnificent view of the mountains. I looked over the snow covered trees as Edward slipped his strong arm around my shoulders. "See anything you like?"

I turned in his arms, looking up at his handsome face. "Now I do."

He kissed me over and over again, until my phone went off. I glanced at the caller ID and realized it was Grace. She normally called me every night before she went to bed. "Ah, Edward, it's Grace. I need to…"

He kissed me tenderly on the forehead. "Don't apologize. I'll go and unpack. Take your time. Tell her I said 'hi' and that we're thinking of her."

I flipped the phone open eagerly. "Hi there, baby girl."

"Hi, mommy!" She told me all about dinner and what had happened since I had talked to her prior to us boarding the plane. She also ceremoniously informed me that Jake and Meghan were taking her to the movies on Saturday. In all honesty, I didn't care what she wanted to talk about. It was wonderful to hear her tiny voice full of excitement as she recounted the day's events.

We talked for a while before I could hear Jake gently remind Grace that it was time for bed. I promised we'd talk again tomorrow. I hung up to find Edward lounging on the bed smiling at me. "How is she?"

I couldn't help but smile. "She's wonderful. I'm sorry she interrupted our moment together."

"I've been doing a little reading on the topic, Bella. It seems that children have a tendency to interrupt at inopportune times." He chuckled as he got up and walked toward me. "I have no problem with it and you shouldn't be apologizing when it happens. You've been without that beautiful child for three years. You have a lot of catching up to do."

He held me and I melted into his embrace. "Thank you."

He tipped my face toward his looking for answers. "For what?"

"For being so perfect. It used to irritate the hell out of me in Forks, but now I'm more than grateful," I teased.

The next few days were blissful. We went for walks or runs, depending on the day. We spent evenings sitting in front of the fire, watching movies, listening to music, or sometimes just talking. I even agreed to Edward's idea of driving into town, where we shopped and enjoyed what local entertainment the quaint village had to offer.

One evening, I heard Edward sigh in utter contentment. I shifted my gaze toward him, looking up at his angelic face. "Care to share your thoughts with the class, Mr. Cullen?"

He smiled, before he bent forward to kiss my nose. "It's so peaceful here."

"Yes, it is."

That smirk of his told me that he meant more by his comments. "What I _mean_ is with just the two of us here, _I_ have peace. No thoughts intruding, no hushed whispers from the family – just the two of us together."

"Ah. Now I understand. And where will that peace go when you _finally_ marry me and we all live together?" I quizzed, hoping he had caught the exaggerated emphasis I responded with.

He sat up, and I lifted my head from his lap to look him straight in the eye. "I've been thinking about that."

My excitement hit an all-time high, hoping that this was finally the moment that I'd been anticipating. "And what did you come up with?"

"Well," he began slowly, "I think that wherever we live, you and I will have a place all our own."

I couldn't contain my shock. "What? Why?"

"Well, several reasons. First and foremost, I'm a selfish being, Bella. I don't want to share you _all_ the time, and if we have our own home, we can get away whenever we need or _want_ to."

I hadn't thought about it, but he was right. It must be stifling at times to live in a household of well-meaning vampires with heightened senses. Even though I knew it made sense, I knew Edward and that he always thought through these types of decisions thoroughly. I tried to keep my amusement in check as I asked, "What other reasons did you come up with?"

"Well, with Jasper's inability to believe in himself," he paused as I nodded at him to continue, "and Jacob's well-placed mistrust of our kind in general." I nodded again as seriously as I could. He continued, "Grace will need a place to stay when she comes where you can spend time with her, not that any of us will miss an opportunity to visit."

"But Edward, that's so expensive." I said playing my part, trying to keep myself from bursting into laughter. I knew he expected this reaction from me and I was not disappointed with his swift reaction.

"Bella, I'm not talking about a mansion – just a home that's big enough for three. Can you let me do this for you?" His face was sweet, his eyes imploring.

_Didn't he understand that I could deny him nothing when he looked at me like that? __Didn't he understand that he had me at his first point? _My heart swelled with love for this amazing man, realizing how much time and effort he was willing to put forth in making my life easier. I couldn't wait to do the same for him. "Edward, that has to be the sweetest thing that anyone has ever wanted to do for me."

He kissed me deeply, and we continued our evening, talking about all the fun things we could do when we saw Grace the next time. _Well_ _that and a whole lot of kissing…_

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

"Bella love, are you almost ready?" Edward called to me from behind the closed bedroom door.

For the first time since I could remember, I wished Alice _was_ here, using me as her personal dress up doll. "Almost. Two minutes."

Edward laughed lightly. "It's fine. Take your time. We're _not_ going to be late."

This was hopefully _the_ night. Edward mentioned that he had very special plans for us, and asked me if I would wear the new evening gown he had given me on the plane. I fussed in front of the mirror, wishing for the hundredth time that I had paid better attention when Alice and Rosalie had done my makeup and hair. My hair was hanging in soft waves around my face with some of it pinned low in back. Being a vampire did little for its unruliness. My makeup was another story. I finally settled for something simple, knowing that anything else I tried would look ridiculous.

I smoothed my dress one final time before slipping on my shoes and heading out the door. I almost toppled Edward when I stepped out, and for once, I caught him. He looked at me, his usual twinkling eyes turning instantly into a darker shade as he took me in from head to toe. "Maybe that wasn't the right dress to buy, Bella."

Suddenly, I was anxious. "Why? Did I get something on it?"

I was looking at my dress, checking to make sure that everything was in order when everything suddenly went by in a blur. Edward had me securely pinned against the door, his one hand on my hip, the other firmly attached to my cheek. His lips were rough on mine, until I felt the softness of his tongue thrust into my mouth capturing my own. His moaning became deep purrs that I could feel rumbling in his chest and I was suddenly aware that my Edward the gentleman was nowhere to be seen. All of my senses were heightened as I discovered this new ravenously, sexy creature that couldn't get enough of _me_. He pressed his body against mine, fitting perfectly. His kisses became more insistent, and his hands flew to any exposed skin – they were everywhere all at once. My whole body was on fire, and I had no idea where he was going with this.

_Maybe he didn't want to wait…_

"Damn it!" Edward grumbled in my ear. He moved back slightly and I acutely missed the heat that had been building between us. He punched a hole in the plaster near the door casing. "I'm sorry, Bella. Did I frighten you?"

It took me a moment to clear my mind from what just happened. "No, you didn't. But what was that all about?"

Edward smirked at me. "Bella, if I have to explain what just happened, we have bigger problems than I realized."

Now I was agitated. "I _know_ what just happened. What I don't understand is why you're so upset." I replied. "Or why you stopped…" I muttered under my breath.

"It isn't proper."

"What are you talking about?"

His ocher eyes pierced through me. "Bella, in my day, a man didn't behave that way – not with someone that he wasn't married to – and especially if he loved her. It shows no respect for you. I'm sorry for being so forward. My behavior is spiraling more and more out of control, and it's unacceptable."

I couldn't help but smile. _I_, little old Bella Swan, was making Edward's old-fashioned manners disappear. "Oh," was all I could say.

"Oh indeed. I'm sorry, and I'll do my best to not let it happen it again. Not until we're properly married."

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "But that doesn't work for me. I _like_ how you're acting. Maybe you'll just need to marry me quicker!" I hinted playfully.

Edward rolled his eyes at me, before taking my arm and guiding me down the stairs. "Bella, I'll marry you properly; not because I'm some animal that can't control himself."

We walked out to the drive and he swept me into the car. He easily maneuvered the mountainside, and before I knew it, we had reached a rather large hall. "Now that we're here, what exactly is your little surprise for us?" I asked with curiosity coating my voice.

Edward drew his fingers across his lips as if he were zipping them shut. He was out of the car in a flash, and helped me from my seat. The lot was mostly empty, and when we entered the building, my mouth dropped open from the beauty of the interior. The place was old, but extremely well-maintained, painted in a bohemian style from a forgotten period in time.

We were greeted by an older gentleman in a tuxedo, who asked for my wrap and Edward's coat, before another staff member came to escort us to another room. Two large doors were opened wide for us and I gasped in surprise when I saw the amphitheater was empty, except for the large orchestra that was seated on the stage waiting…_for_ _us?_

"Edward, what did you do?" My tone held more than a little anxiety.

Edward said nothing, but instead guided me toward a small staircase that led to one of the private booths upstairs. He helped me into my seat before sitting himself and taking my hand. "This is our little surprise. I remember you telling me how much you liked a particular suite of music and I was able to arrange to have this little evening put together for us."

_Little evening? Was he delusional?_ "Um, Edward?"

"Yes, love?" Edward was looking at the conductor, exchanging one of those annoying guy nods, before returning his attention to me.

"Where is everyone else?" I looked over the vast rows of empty seats.

"_We_ are everyone else. This night is just for you and me. Like I said, I'm not in the mood to share you right now. For tonight, that also includes complete strangers."

I was in complete shock. Here was a complete orchestra starting the overture to a wonderful symphony that I was rather fond of, and it was all for us. I was starting to realize that I needed to be much more careful of what I expressed to Edward in terms of likes and dislikes. What would he have done if I said I liked a particular city? I shuddered with the thought.

He kissed me tenderly on the forehead. "Bella, I may not be able to read your thoughts, but that non-poker face of yours is telling me all I need to know right now. Please just relax and enjoy this. Please?"

I smiled at him and did as he asked. The music was beautiful, the acoustics unbelievable. I was thoroughly enjoying myself, holding Edward's hand when he stood and pulled me with him.

"Edward, where are we going?"

Without saying a word, he drew me into his embrace, gently swaying me back and forth. Just his touch made me tremble a bit, but my body instinctively moved closer to his. He wrapped his arms around me protectively, and my body shuddered with what I could only describe as relief.

Edward was here, holding me close. The love we had for one another was exactly what each of us needed. I was finally starting to understand the hold I had on this man, and couldn't help but smile at my little epiphany, stifling a giggle against his strong chest.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked, genuinely intrigued.

"Nothing. I just feel so blessed. It's ironic after the last few years. It's so…_different_."

Edward stopped moving and my body followed suit. His eyes were molten, looking at me with such intensity that my mind halted could only maintain one thought…_this is it._ He's finally going to ask me again. _Thank God…_

Edward sat me back down, taking my hand in his as he took a giant breath. "Bella, I intend to make the rest of your existence different. I intend to take care of you forever, and I want to make every day special for you. If you'll let me," he added.

I nodded, my lungs completely empty of air, as I waited for those four little words that I had wanted since that wonderful day in December. Instead, Edward kissed me softly, and took my hand returning his gaze to the orchestra, who had continued to play.

_Did I miss it? Was I so taken with his perfect face that I didn't hear those very words that I was hoping for?_

No…I wasn't imagining it. He _hadn't_ asked me. Instead I grumbled, "I should have said '_yes'_ the first time."

Edward chuckled so softly, I _almost_ missed it. I whacked him hard in the arm, and he winced, while he rubbed the same spot.

The symphony was over, Edward collected our coats, and ushered me to the car. I was still sore about the non-proposal, but he attempted to appease me by rubbing my back just the way I liked. We drove back to the chalet in silence.

I couldn't stay angry with Edward for long. We spent the rest of the evening talking and watching the sunrise together.

Edward traced beneath my eyes, his own expression tinged with a bit of sadness. "You look thirsty."

I hadn't hunted since before we left, and it was true. That familiar burning was present in the back of my throat, so I nodded at him. "I should go. It's not bad, but if I go now, I can take less."

Edward wrapped his arms around me. "I'll see you when you get back."

I pulled away from him slightly, noticing that his eyes and the shadows beneath them were a tinge darker. "Why don't you come with me?"

Edward's eyes widened with surprise. "Bella, are you sure you're comfortable with that?"

I nodded. "If I'm to spend forever with you, I'd like us to be able to do everything together. That includes hunting. Would you like to come?" I managed a weak smile.

"If you're certain."

"I am. Come on." I took his hand and we walked toward the front door together.

He pulled me back toward him when we stepped out on the stone porch. "I love you." He hugged me fiercely.

I hugged him back, burrowing my head in his chest. "I love you too. Come on. It shouldn't take long."

I took a few steps away from him, when I heard him gasp in surprise. I turned back to look at him. "What? What's wrong?"

"Bella, look at you."

I looked down at myself, when I realized what he was talking about. The sun was shining brightly overhead, and my exposed skin glittered like a diamond. The reflection against the freshly fallen snow illuminated the brilliance and I was awash in light. I realized that this was the first time that Edward had seen me like this. I thought back to the very first time I had seen his skin shimmer in the meadow and could only imagine what he was thinking.

I stepped back into the protective shadow of the trees. Edward looked disappointed until I asked, "Is there anyone around? I don't want to expose us."

He led us both back out into the open and his eyes took me in from head to toe. His smile widened, and had I still been able, I knew I would be blushing furiously. My chin instinctively dropped to my chest, to hide how self-conscious I felt. I felt his fingers beneath my chin, tipping my face toward his. "You're beautiful."

To hide my embarrassment, I gripped his hand tighter and led him toward the thick cover of the trees toward the surrounding forest. Our feet barely made contact with the earth beneath them, and we silently ran toward the deepest part of the trees.

We stopped, and Edward looked at me, his eyes darkening as his body stilled. My ears picked up the sound of deer almost a mile away, and we looked at each other, our eyes locking and the understanding flowing between us without any words needing to spoken.

With our hands still linked, we shot off in that direction. Within seconds, we were at the top of a small valley looking down toward a pond at the base. Surrounding it were several deer unaware of our presence. I looked toward Edward, who was already gazing at me, his small smile encouraging me to continue. I let go of his hand, and sped off toward the bottom of the hill, easily taking down a small buck, my razor sharp teeth piercing its jugular noiselessly. I drank in large gulps, blocking the smell of the wild animal's scent, my eyes looking up to see Edward gazing down at me.

As uneasy as I was with him watching me, I refused to allow my eyes to even blink. I maintained eye contact, continuing until the poor beast was drained dry. I gently laid the animal aside in time to see Edward hurl himself at the rest of the pack that was starting to disperse in panic. He easily took down one of the largest animals there following the same protocol I had just employed. I gingerly walked toward where he was, watching him, realizing that this was a first for me, too. I had never seen him hunt before and he was breathtaking to watch.

My wonderful Edward was still there, though his eyes were still dark, his movements more animal than human as he continued to drink from the beast. When he was finished, he gently laid the carcass aside and stood to his full height, his hand gently brushing his lips. "Are you still thirsty?"

"A little. Maybe we should try to stay out a bit longer?"

He held me tightly, inhaling my scent. He looked down at me, his smile still in place, before he spoke. "Have you only fed on deer?" His tone was quiet but his eyes sparkled with excitement.

"Yes. Why?"

"Would you like to try something a bit more challenging?" His eyes were daring me to try.

"All right." I was nervous, but this routine would be part of my existence forever. I needed to embrace new things.

He closed his eyes, and I followed suit. My keen ears picked up the sound of really large game much further out, and Edward took my hand again as we raced toward the sound. This time I let Edward take the lead, when we found the largest caribou I had ever seen. Edward silently crouched facing the herd, his head rolling over his shoulders. He shot off, hurling himself through the air and easily took down the largest of the group. He drank again, locking his eyes on me, his gentle look encouraging me to try. I followed suit, taking down something smaller several yards away from where Edward was sitting. The taste was entirely different, saltier with a different undercurrent of savory texture. It reminded me of how Edward used to talk about how the family had different tastes when they hunted – just as human enjoyed different types of food. As much as this was difficult for me, it was so much easier with Edward there. I finished and saw him standing above me, his hand extended to help me up.

"Full?"

"Yes. Thank you. You?" His eyes were that beautiful golden color that I loved so much, the shadows beneath his them nearly gone.

"All set." He kissed the tip of my nose.

We didn't need to talk about it. We both knew that this had been a momentous day for the both of us – new experiences that were now joint experiences – the start of a long existence where we would face things together.

We walked back toward the house, content in the silence, our arms tightly wrapped around each other.

We showered and spent the rest of the day together watching old movies and just enjoying our time together.

"Bella, why don't you grab your phone. When we go for our walk, I don't want you to miss your phone call with Grace."

The sun was starting to set, and we were planning on going for an early evening walk to look at the stars and enjoy the beautiful night. I grabbed my cell phone and met him at the base of the stairs.

Grace called me every evening before she went to bed and I never missed a call. That cell phone was my lifeline to her while we were apart. We ran together, laughing and chatting about everything and nothing.

The night came quickly here, and before we had been out very long, the stars were popping into the blackness, bright and glorious. My cell phone rang with the familiar tune that played whenever my Grace would call. I scrambled to grab it. "Hi, baby girl. What are you doing?"

"Hi mommy! I watched a video, and daddy made me a snack. What are you doing?"

Just the sound of her voice was comforting. "Edward and I went for a walk." I could hear the crunch of the snow beneath my feet. "The snow is pretty here. Did it snow today in La Push?"

"No, just a little rain. But the weather man said that we might get some on Friday. A snow day would be fun!"

Grace and I continued to talk. I sensed that Edward wasn't near, as was his custom. Though it wasn't necessary, he would give me privacy when talking to Grace. She continued to tell me all about her afternoon and I quietly sighed in contentment. I could hear Jake in the background, though I was too focused on her to comprehend what he was saying.

"Mommy, I have to go. But before I do, Edward asked me and I said '_sure_'."

"You said _'sure'_ to what, Grace?" I had no idea what she was talking about.

"I gotta go, mommy. But when you hang up, turn around, okay? I love you – bye!"

The phone went dead, and I flipped it shut, wondering what that had all been about. I shoved the phone back into my pocket, knowing I could ask her more tomorrow. I turned around, when my breath caught in my throat.

In the freshly fallen snow were dozens of tall, white candles, their wicks lit and throwing off a beautiful glow against the frozen ground and the lake behind them. Edward was standing in their midst, a small circle just large enough for two. His pale skin and striking bronze hair caught the light of the flames on the moonless night.

Edward was looking at me, his eyes soft and gold in the flickering light. The love that flowed to me from the look on his face made my breath catch. He smiled my favorite crooked smile and I took a step toward him, wondering if he was as anxious and excited as I was. I froze in my tracks when he got down on one knee.

Edward extended his hand toward me and I grabbed it boldly despite being unable to even inhale a breath to fill my poor lungs. "Edward?"

"Shh." He kissed my hand, before he looked back up at me. "Bella," he began so quietly and reverently, "you are the most important person in my life. That day I met you more than ten years changed my existence forever. You were the very first person to help me see that I was more than a monster. You loved me for me, and saw more than I was able to comprehend."

My mind swirled, not willing to admit to myself that this might be _it_. I only nodded instead.

"I made the biggest mistake of my entire existence when I left you."

"Edward," I began, but the sharp look in his eyes stopped me.

"Please let me do this. Please?" He begged.

I nodded again, tightening my grip on his hand.

"I want to spend the rest of my existence being with you. Loving you, encouraging you, being all that you need, whatever that may be. I want to take care of both you and Grace. I want you. Forever." His eyes were unbelievably tender.

I opened my mouth to speak, but the look on his face silenced me.

"I love you so much that sometimes my chest aches with the intensity of it. But, I wouldn't trade that ache, because it means that you're _really_ here with me, and I never have to let you go. Bella, I want to hold you forever – love you forever. There is only one thing that I truly want. Bella, will you grant me my wish?" He took a giant breath. "Bella," he almost whispered, "will you marry me?"

My legs let go and I fell to my knees in front of him, his strong hands catching me and helping me to the ground. I threw my arms around his neck, kissing him deeply, but I felt him push away from me gently. He looked exasperated and I was momentarily confused as to what could have changed his demeanor so quickly. It was then that I realized I hadn't _really_ answered him.

"Well?" He questioned.

"Yes. Yes – absolutely yes. I will marry you." I went back to kissing him, when I felt him reach into the pocket of his jacket. He stopped kissing me and held out what he had retrieved.

In the palm of his hand was a small black velvet box. He cracked it open and nestled inside the folds of soft satin was a beautiful gold and diamond ring. It was old, but exquisite. The diamonds caught the soft glow of the candles surrounding us and I caught my breath in surprise.

Edward pulled the ring from the box. "It was my mother's. I think it's only fitting that it now be worn by the woman who took her name when she entered this new life." I tried to wrap my head around it, knowing that this had belonged to Edward's real mother. He pulled the _dearest_ ring from my finger and replaced it with my new engagement ring. He kissed the ring and then my hand, looking up at me with that perfect crooked smile that melted my insides. "Do you like it? Would you rather have something else?"

I looked down at my new piece of jewelry and I could feel the familiar sting of tears. I looked back up at him before answering. "I love it. I couldn't imagine having anything else."

He put the _dearest_ ring on my right hand, the happiness emanating off him. He looked relieved and completely elated all at the same time. I cupped his face in my hands, and his eyes locked with mine.

Before I knew what was happening, Edward was on top of me, kissing me, caressing me – his hands were rough, then gentle. I momentarily forgot how to breathe. I suddenly realized we were right back to where we had been the night before. I started to giggle, but he cut me off with a hard kiss.

I looked into his eyes, realizing that this time he wasn't playing. He wanted this and I realized that I wanted it just as much. His eyes were blazing and he positioned his body to pin me into the soft snow beneath us. His lips were everywhere. I felt his hands push up my cardigan sweater, roughly pulling my blouse out of the waistband of my jeans.

His hands splayed across my bare stomach and his kisses became more urgent. Wherever my hands touched, I was met with a moan in response. Edward was letting go and I was ready to follow, though I was nervous. I pushed his jacket off, throwing it carelessly to the side. I pulled his shirt from his pants, my hands touching his bare skin which only made Edward groan louder. It didn't matter what I did – his groans of pleasure told me that he was enjoying it.

I started to unbutton his shirt, when he ripped it from his body. My hands roamed without hesitation over his shoulders, his chest, down lower toward the waistband of his trousers. Every muscle was taut with tension.

Edward began unbuttoning my blouse, and I couldn't help but moan, the anticipation building in me by the second. He left a trail of frantic kisses as he exposed more of my skin. He reached the button midway about to expose the new intimates that Alice had purchased me recently.

Edward's head collapsed on my chest, a loud and angry growl rumbled from deep in his chest, until it finally erupted from his throat. He threw himself off of me, his bare back thrust against the soft drifts of snow. "Bella." His frustration was easily readable. Edward could barely form sentences. "I'm sorry."

I sat up, rolling to where he laid. "Sorry for what?" I responded, trying to catch my breath, while I pulled down my sweater and blouse.

"My behavior is unacceptable. I am completely ashamed of myself. This just isn't done." He lay there with his eyes closed and I caressed his cheek. He leaned into my touch, grabbing my hand.

"Edward, it's natural. We're engaged now. Please don't be upset."

He sat up, while he grabbed large fistful of snow. "No, Bella. It isn't all right. Even if we are engaged, it's not proper for us to be together that way until we're married. And I love you – I want to make this special for the both of us. I can't exactly do that in the snow, in the middle of the forest." He growled again with frustration.

I had a moment of inspiration. "Well, if being married is your required criteria, we go and elope." I was starting to understand how desperate I was for him and to be married.

Edward grimaced. "Bella, this is too important for us to just run away, and I want this to be special for the both of us. Unless you aren't interested in a wedding; I figured you wanted Grace to be there." He gazed at me. "What do you want?"

He was right. I too wanted a special ceremony and to have all of my new family members there to witness something that would be the beginning of our forever. The idea of having Grace there sealed the deal for me.

"You're right, Edward. I want this to be special for the both of us. And I would _love_ having Grace there." A thought occurred to me. "Edward?"

"Bella." He was starting to relax, and his face softened into an easy smile.

"Grace said that you asked her a question and she said '_sure'_. What exactly did you ask her?" Curiosity was eating at me.

Edward's grin turned sheepish. "Well, I asked her if she would be agreeable to having me marry you."

I felt my mouth drop open. "You did?"

"Well, she's really your only living relative that still knows you're alive, and it's customary to ask for the bride's hand prior to a proposal. I wasn't sure if she'd agree, but she did." He grinned

"What exactly did she say?"

Edward's smile broadened now. "She had the biggest smile on her face, and she replied _'sure, __sure__'_, before she gave me a big hug."

I thought back to the two times I had seen Grace since being reunited with her. "When exactly did you ask her, Edward?"

He took my hand. "I asked her in Seattle last month, when we were at the zoo and you went to get her a snack. Do you remember?"

I did remember. "And she kept it from me?" I couldn't believe that a five year-old was that good at keeping secrets, but then was reminded that she already protected the secret of her father being a werewolf, and her undead mother visiting her from time to time. She _was_ like me.

"I can't believe you two kept a secret like that from me. You are a crafty vampire, Mr. Cullen."

Edward reached forward and kissed me, resting his forehead against mine. "You're not angry?"

"Of course not. That has to be the sweetest thing that I've ever heard." I paused for a moment, before I spoke again. "So, now that we are engaged, what's next?"

Edward stroked my bottom lip with his thumb. "A very _short_ engagement?" The pleading in his eyes was impossible to miss.

"Well, you did promise to make a Cullen before the year was out. How quickly would you like to make this permanent?"

"Tomorrow?" His tone was teasing, but I could hear the touch of earnestness in his voice. "When is the soonest we could put together a proper wedding, and have Grace be there? Esme, Alice and Rosalie would torture me to death if she didn't attend." He teased.

I thought about Grace's school schedule. "Well Easter, but there might not be enough time for a proper," I cleared my throat, "honeymoon." I whispered.

Edward laughed. "Well, that just won't do, now will it. What other options do we have?"

Thinking through the weeks ahead, I knew my answer. "June. Grace will be done with school, and summer vacation will be in full swing." Now I took a deep breath. "That's a long time away."

"Well, we'll just have to find ways to make the time go quickly. I'm sure that Alice can help plan a wedding, and with Grace coming at Easter, she can be involved with the planning. Maybe she can select a cake? But, I do have only request."

Edward never really asked for anything. "What's that?"

"Could we please marry the very first Saturday available? I've waited so long, and I'm not sure I could be patient waiting any longer than necessary."

I nodded and it was settled. We rushed back to the house, pouring over the calendar, settling on the second Saturday of June. That gave us four months to plan and prepare.

I couldn't help but smile; I just prayed that we would both last that long.

_Has anyone ever died from lack of patience?_


	54. Chapter 53: Author's Note

_Author's Note:_

_Hi Guys. I hate these, but here goes...Sorry I've been MIA for so long, but work has been beyond difficult and life has gotten in the way, not to mention throwing pregnancy into the fray. Morning sickness? Try all day._

_I don't intend to abandon this story, but I need to regroup a bit before I finish. I want to finish this story appropriately - not just throwing something together to get it over with._

_I have two chapters and an epilogue left...just hang in there, if you're feeling generous. If not, I wish you the best and hope you find more great things to read on this site._

_Hope to see you soon - the next chapter is started, but I don't have an ETA right now. I'm taking it one day at a time._

_Thanks and Happy Fall!_

_Best wishes, Enthralled_


	55. Chapter 54

All right – I know that I haven't updated in like months. However, I have no intention of abandoning this story. Let me explain…

I updated on the boards at Twilight Moms and Twilighted a while back that I was writing and I am. But I'm also a full-time working, first-time mother, so time is not necessarily a luxury that I have lots of. However…

I have 2/3 of a new chapter already begun. And the best part? Only one and half weeks left of work – oh the joys of being a educator! Two best words in the English language if you're a teacher? SUMMER VACATION!

So, never fear…more "Sacrifices" is coming soon. I'm getting much better at typing with a little one sound asleep on my shoulder, as I am currently doing. I was blessed with a beautiful, miraculous, and most importantly, _healthy_ baby girl in late February. Multi-tasking is a gift to mothers and fathers alike…oh the things we can accomplish if we set our minds to it!

I wanted to take a quick moment to thank all of you wonderful readers and reviewers…I have received reviews and especially private messages that have made me immensely grateful that I uploaded this story and invested so much time and effort into it. Many of your comments have literally brought a tear (or several) to my eyes. But more importantly, I have come to cherish each of you that have joined me on this ride of "What if?". This entire experience has been memorable and so many of you have become my own personal cheerleaders, urging me to write – reminding me that it's important and so rewarding. Thanks for encouraging me to keep going. What a gift!

Each of you is important to me and I want to finish this thing the right way – so just hang in there. I believe that it will be worth it.

Thank you for your patience – see you soon.


	56. Chapter 53: Tying Up Some Loose Ends

Chapter 53: Tying Up Some Loose Ends

Author's Note (and it's a long one – but please read!):

My old friend, my buddy, my partner-in-crime during this ridiculously long writing adventure finally went to that big recycling heap in the sky – my laptop that has seen me through this entire roller coaster road died, which is why it took so long to get this chapter to you…sorry for the delay. I just couldn't bear to recreate this chapter from scratch.

While we're here, I would like to clear a few things up…

First, I know that I mentioned the Grace was six in one chapter, and then five in the next. She is _**FIVE**_. Bella left when she was two, almost three – she spent a year tracking Victoria, then worked at the school for a year, before the Cullens returned to her life. I wrote down my timeline and the difference between a five and six year old can be startling. Please be AWARE that I know I have an error – I just never bothered to go back and fix it.

Next, as for Edward's reaction to finding out that Victoria changed Bella and that he wanted to leave to kill Victoria in retaliation for ending Bella's human life, even though we find out later that they found her ashes…keep a few things in mind:

*Edward was under great duress listening to Bella tell her story, not to mention the fact that she had just reappeared in his life hours earlier – he had a lot to wrap his head around. In Breaking Dawn, though that book doesn't exist in _my_ story, Edward lost it when he found out Bella was pregnant and wasn't necessarily thinking straight or acting like _our_ Edward – he completely fell apart – just a thought.

*Victoria had a gift for evading capture. Edward thought that he and his family might have been duped into believing that she was dead to throw them off the trail.

*Bella NEVER gave specific times during her story – all of the Cullens were thrown off guard with her revealing that Victoria was responsible and didn't know when she was changed – it was a challenging night for all of them.

*This is an alternate universe – some OOC may occur.

So many people have commented on this – and thought that I had made an egregious error – Edward merely thought that Victoria had tricked them and was still out there somewhere (ALL THE CULLENS WERE ON THAT WAVELENGTH) – he wasn't about to sit there and do nothing, thinking he had lost Bella forever. It's one of our favorite Edwards…the someone-hurt-my-Bella and now I'm going to hurt them.

When writing it a story, it's sometimes difficult to help the reader understand what every character is thinking and feeling…but this is my first writing project and I'm trying my best.

As for our favorite vampires, I have never mentioned that their tears actually were spilt. In New Moon, Bella sees Esme tear up, unable to shed them due to her vampirism. Vampires can feel emotions to extremes, and in this story, Bella goes on a roller coaster ride of feelings.

My biggest attempt in publishing this is to stay true to cannon, while still being entertaining – I hope I've accomplished that.

Just thought I would take a minute to clear this up. I've gotten a million PMs/reviews and I thought I would put all of this to rest.

Also, a big shout out to the Twilight Moms in this chapter…it's been a really long time, but I'm hoping that they see the nod to them at the end of the chapter.

One more chapter and then a quick epilogue…thanks for reading and thanks to all of you for the overwhelming support!

A continued thanks to grumpy grizzly who took time out of her ridiculously busy schedule to beta this nightmare...especially after having such a long break! Many thanks, friend!

Thanks!

Bella's POV:

After meeting Jacob halfway, I flew home with Grace on Good Friday where Edward met us at the airport. She clapped her hands excitedly when she saw him and flung her arms around his waist hugging him fiercely.

"Hi, Mr. Edward!" She squeaked. Her happy bubbliness reminded me of Alice.

Edward crouched in front of her so she switched her hold from his waist to around his neck. His face softened more with her loving and trusting acceptance of him as he hugged her back tenderly. They pulled apart and looked at each other eye to eye.

"Hello, Grace. I've missed you. How was your flight?" Edward asked. His eyes were glued to hers, and it was impossible to miss how captivated he was with my little girl.

Grace grinned hugely. "It was fun. Mommy let me play in her purse, and we had lemonade and cookies on the plane. It was like a tea party." She looked at me as she recounted our flight. She continued to grin at him.

"Something's different." He whispered to her. She nodded encouragingly. "Did you get a haircut?" She shook her head and grinned more widely. "New shoes?" She giggled but shook her head no. "Hmmm." Edward said looking like he was thinking hard. "Are you missing something?" Grace laughed and pointed to the empty spot in the front of her smile.

"I lost a tooth, Mr. Edward!"

"Ah." Edward replied, the slightest note of faux realization in his voice. "So I see. I guess the tooth fairy will have to pay you a visit."

"She already came." Grace stated proudly.

"As she should," Edward exclaimed. He effortlessly hoisted Grace into his arms -- then he turned to me and kissed me soundly on the mouth. "I'm glad you're home. I missed you, too." He whispered in my ear. The relief in his voice was easy to hear.

"Ew!" Grace screeched.

I couldn't help but smile at her. "Now why is that _'ew'_?"

"Daddy and Mommy Meghan do that too. It's gross." Her face twisted into a disgusted grimace.

"I'll keep that in mind," I teased and then I kissed Edward again. Grace's face took on an exasperated look. Edward chuckled lightly as he took her bag and walked us toward the Volvo. He gently placed Grace in the backseat, buckling her in; she giggled at his chivalry.

"Who's hungry?" He asked Grace, while he watched her through the rearview mirror.

"I'm starving!" Grace replied.

I remembered how Edward used to remind me to eat when I was still human. In some ways, it was like we had come full-circle. Edward was so comfortable with my little girl, and she adored him. I thought back to that first morning he had stayed with me and watched me eat breakfast. I thought of the times he had cooked for me. My heart filled with joy that the love in his heart now extended to the two of us.

Edward pulled into the closet restaurant near the airport and Grace was ecstatic that they had an indoor play area. He escorted the two of us in, his hand finding its way to the small of my back. Grace held my hand tightly, her excitement palpable when we were greeted by the sounds of children playing.

Edward ordered enough food for three. I still felt that Grace was too young to understand that her mother no longer needed food and most decidedly wasn't ready for her to comprehend what I did for nourishment. That would come at a much later time. I would happily go through the motions of pretending to eat for her sake and Edward felt quite the same way.

Grace began to eat, but couldn't tear her eyes away from the other children playing on the playground. Knowing that once we were home, she wouldn't have another opportunity to play with others her own age, I struck up a compromise. "Grace, honey, why don't you go and play? You can finish the rest of your dinner in a bit."

"Really?" She asked as she slid off her seat and started to skip toward the play area. The sparkle in her eyes was impossible to resist.

I felt my face stretch with a broad smile and nodded, while she shot off toward the slide. She chatted excitedly with other children. I heard Edward's chair scoot closer to mine. "She's grown," he pointed out.

_Did anything escape his sharp eyesight? _"She has. I'm not sure anything in her closet will still fit." I thought longingly of the lavender dress in her wardrobe, and realized that she must have outgrown it over the past few months. "We'll have to buy her some new things."

"I'm sure that will simply _kill_ Alice," Edward joked sarcastically. "Did you tell Grace you're taking her shopping this week for a wedding dress?"

I nodded, my eyes fixed on my little miracle, while Edward nuzzled my neck. I turned to look at him, while my fingers lovingly brushed the hair out of his eyes. "I told her on the plane. She's _so_ excited. She's much more girly than me," I added. I grimaced when I thought of Alice wrangling me in and out of dresses, but in the end, it would all be worth it.

We continued to watch Grace play, while we held hands. I heard him clear his throat, which made me look up at him.

"I forgot to mention this earlier." Edward commented with a chuckle, while he tucked a stray hair behind my ear. "Alice is a bit put out with you."

"Oh." I looked at him, my eyebrows lifting in mock curiosity. "Why?" I answered nonchalantly, though I was pretty sure that I already knew the answer to that one.

"She can't get a clear picture of which gown you'll pick and it's driving her mad. You wouldn't be using that gift of yours to keep her out of your pretty, little head, would you?" He accused, though the smile on his face was wicked.

I placed a hand over my still heart, still feigning complete and total innocence. "I would never do that to my favorite sister, Edward," I teased.

"Keep it up, love. It's refreshing to see someone else get so frustrated at not being able to read you!" Edward whispered to me, before discreetly nibbling on my earlobe, making my stomach flip flop.

After working on controlling my gift over the past few months, I'd finally figured out how to keep certain things private from Alice. With a simple manipulation of my gift, I could keep certain things concealed, which I knew would frustrate her. If I could keep Alice out of my future, Edward would be in the dark as well. Edward knew I had perfected this part of my "gift", and although he thought it was wonderful, he asked me to not keep her completely out of my future until I was living with him full time. He argued that I wouldn't be safe. I didn't contest this point with him that I didn't need his protection – _that_ conversation was futile. To keep him happy, I was careful to only tune her out of simple things – and a very important dress was one of those decisions. I had plans to keep my gown a secret from Edward for as long as I possibly could. He might have an idea, but even he wouldn't know the exact gown until I walked down the aisle toward him.

Pulling me back to the present moment, I saw Grace running back to us, her smile making my still heart leap. She grabbed some fries and hastily sucked down some of her milk before kissing my cheek and running off again. I couldn't help but sigh in contentment.

Edward leaned toward me and whispered into my ear, "She's really happy. Her thoughts are joyous and she is moving so rapidly from one happy thought to another it makes me want to laugh out loud." I smiled and leaned into him. Words were unnecessary as we watched her scamper around.

We lingered for a while longer, enjoying the sounds of Grace's laughter. Eventually we made our way back toward the house. The Range Rover was already parked waiting for us and Alice came bounding out of the house when she heard the Volvo approach. I could see her happy impatience as she waited on the small porch. She now reminded me of Grace at the airport while we were waiting our turn to get off the plane.

"What took so long?" Alice questioned, but I could tell she already knew where we'd been. She was just playing along for Grace's sake.

"Ms. Alice!" Grace shrieked when she saw her namesake waiting for us at the front door.

Edward helped us both from the car, before handing Grace to me. I cradled her closely to my chest before ceremoniously handing her off to Alice, who could no longer contain herself and had rushed to the car as slowly and humanly as she could considering.

"We _all_ missed you, little one," Alice whispered in her ear, which brought a huge grin to my daughter's face. "Grace!" Alice exclaimed merrily. "Where is your tooth?" She lifted her higher. "Is it under here?" Grace shook her head no. "Is it in your pocket?" Grace giggled and shook her head again. "Wherever did it go?"

"It falled out so a new one can grow in," Grace said importantly.

"Well, you leave for a few months and come back practically a lady." Alice sighed. Grace laughed again as we all moved toward the house.

Upon reaching the porch Grace squirmed to be put down and once her feet hit the ground she was basically hurling herself toward Rosalie and Esme, who both looked overjoyed to see her. I was only slightly exasperated that my new sisters and mother had brought Grace more gifts. It was obvious that they were simply excited to see her again.

We walked into the house, only to see it had been transformed into a makeshift dressing room where my sparse living room had been. Hats, tiaras, necklaces, gloves and all things girly were arranged neatly, just waiting to be fancied and taken for a whirl. Before long, Alice and Rosalie were letting Grace drape them with feather boas and loads of jewelry. They returned the favor and soon an elaborate tea party was well underway complete with giggles and whispers. Grace was having a wonderful time. Rosalie reached forward to "refill" graces cup when Grace grabbed her wrist. "Aunt Rosalie! That sparkles more than anything I have ever seen!"

Rosalie looked at her wrist and smiled. It was the diamond tennis bracelet that Emmett had given her one Valentine's Day. She glanced at Alice who shook her head slightly. Rosalie shrugged, unhooking the bracelet from her graceful wrist, before wrapping it twice around Grace's child-sized one.

"You can have it." She smiled softly as she let go of Grace's arm. Grace sat there smiling at the bracelet, her eyes wide with wonder.

"Emmett," Alice began but Rosalie interrupted.

"Will understand." She looked lovingly at Grace.

"Rosalie," I jumped in, my tone one of subtle reproach.

"Bella," she pleaded, her tone matching the giant pout of her bottom lip.

"What do you say, young lady?" I conceeded, wondering how I would explain this to Jacob later.

"Oh! Thank you Aunt Rosie!" Grace said as she got up slowly from her chair, holding her wrist out slightly. She moved gently around the table and gave Rosalie a one-arm hug, never taking her eyes off her glittering arm.

We visited for a while before it was time for Grace to eat again. Esme had been kind enough to run into town and buy some simple groceries – things that I could cook by simply following the directions on the box. Edward helped, and I remembered how he'd cooked dinner for me before the prom. It felt surreal and natural all at once, cooking for my little girl – like the last three years had never happened.

The three Cullen women excused themselves before dinner, while Edward set the table. We sat down to eat, while Grace entertained us with stories of what she had done at school and at home since we'd seen her last. Jacob may have said that she was like me, but her bluntness and sense of humor were unmistakably a trait she inherited from her father.

With dinner finished, Grace tried to stifle the yawn that escaped her tiny mouth. "It looks like someone's tired." I said gently.

Grace shook her head vehemently, trying to cover up what we already knew, while Edward used his hand to cover the grin invading his face. The look he shot me let me know that he could read her thoughts, while his barely perceptible nod toward me confirmed how very tired she was.

"I'm not tired, Mommy. Can't I stay up for a while longer?" She pleaded.

"Grace honey, the quicker you go to bed, the quicker the morning will be here and we can go shopping with Alice, Esme, and Rosalie." I smiled tenderly at her.

Her eyes widened with glee when she realized what I meant. "Ok, but will you tuck me in and read me a story before I go to sleep?"

I nodded agreement – she flashed a grin at me, her bright smile reminding me so much of Jacob.

"I'll clean up dinner. Take your time," Edward murmured, before kissing my temple lovingly.

I followed her up the stairs, her graceful legs carrying her smoothly up to the second story. Gratefully, she inherited her father's athleticism. During our talks, Jake told me that although Grace was like me in most ways, his DNA was first and foremost when it came to her gait. He couldn't remember the last time she'd had a scrapped knee, which made me relieved, since she would be spending time with my new family and me in the years ahead.

I assisted my little girl change for bed, listening to her chat excitedly about our week before us, before pulling back the covers and helping her settle in. I brushed a few stray hairs from her forehead, before tucking her in tight. I pulled one of her favorite books from the bookshelf and began to read, but her rapid heartbeat let me know that she was nowhere near a night of peaceful slumber.

Before I could reach for another book, I distinctly heard Edward pull the cover back on the upright piano in the living room, before he seated himself on the bench. The strains of my lullaby reached the second floor where Grace's eyes showed her eagerness in hearing Edward play the piano for the both of us.

"Mommy, that's the song from Christmas, isn't it?" She asked.

I could instantly hear her heartbeat start to slow to a more peaceful rate, while her eyelids started to flutter. Her response to this song was the same as mine had been while I was still human. "Yes, honey, it is. Now, go to sleep, and Edward will keep playing until you reach dreamland." I knew that Edward could hear our conversation and he continued to play.

Grace reached for my hand and I snuggled closer to her on the bed until she drifted off to sleep.

Before tucking her in one last time, I smiled at my daughter, once again grateful for my time with her after being apart for so long. Every moment I learned new, interesting facts about my precious gift of a daughter.

I turned on her night-light, before finding my way to the first floor where Edward was still playing with feeling. The look on his face was breathtaking as his fingers produced the sweet, hauntingly beautiful melody. He turned toward me, his handsome face holding that special smile that was meant for only me.

"Hi," I whispered.

He continued to play, though his feet dampened the volume of the notes. "Hi, yourself," he responded, his eyes full of nothing but love and tenderness. "She's sound asleep, dreaming about French fries and frilly dresses."

I nodded, while Edward scooted over, making room for me. He continued to play for a few minutes, before he wrapped his arms around me, humming the same tune in my ear. We spent the rest of the night whispering to each other about our hopes and dreams for the future – a future that now included the tiny little girl upstairs, who occasionally mumbled sweet nothings in her sleep about lullabies and my new very favorite word -- "_mommy_".

*******

The next day dawned, the mists of rain doing nothing to dampen our spirits. Edward's phone went off repeatedly before he left. Alice was anxious to start our day and when she imperially announced she would be over before the non-existent sun was even up, Edward took the call outside. He hurriedly reminded Alice that Grace needed her sleep and that she could come by while she ate breakfast, but only if she was willing to share Grace's favorite chocolate cereal at the kitchen table. Alice huffed and said she could wait a bit longer.

Edward kissed me before he left. Always the consummate gentleman, he didn't want to leave the impression with a small child that he'd spent the night, regardless of how innocent our evening had been. We'd taken turns standing in the doorway of her room watching her sleep, before heading back to the main floor to discuss wedding plans or random topics.

Edward mentioned the silly grin that I had plastered on my face. "I can't help it. I'm just so happy she's here." I replied.

Edward said nothing – instead, he wrapped his arm around me tightly and inhaled, his relaxed body making me all the more giddy with thankfulness.

Alice, Rosalie and Esme arrived a bit before nine. The car was scarcely in park before Alice rushed out of the vehicle, her enthusiasm evident while she barely achieved a human pace. She was mumbling something about open bridges and red lights, all the while her breathtaking grin firmly in its place. I could see the wheels in her mind turning; I'm sure full of plans for the coming day.

Alice and I had talked at length about the planning for the wedding and she'd assured me that in her mind, all of the important details had been worked out. We were simply going through the motions for Grace, so she could be part of such an important day.

We settled into Esme's Range Rover, with Grace tucked in protectively between Rosalie and Alice in the backseat. If I'd thought that Edward had been protective of me ten years earlier, it was nothing compared to Alice and Rosalie's fierce stance when it came to caring for Grace. It made me certain that if given the chance, both of them would have made outstanding mothers. Grace was just over the moon to be with her "aunts" and "grandmother" for an extended visit.

Grace kept us entertained with stories of the reservation and school, while Rosalie played with her hair and Alice, unable to tear her eyes away from my little miracle, hung on her every word. Esme knowingly grinned, her eyes frequently locking onto her grandchild in the backseat via the rearview mirror, chatting excitedly with the little girl who had captivated her heart so completely. The miles flew by quickly while we all laughed and enjoyed our little excursion.

We arrived at the exclusive bridal salon, its tall glass doors beckoning us with the allure of all the tulle, silk and hand-finished laces that Alice kept going on about, just waiting to be touched and tried on. Grace scrambled over Rosalie's lap and out of the car to look at the window display that contained a beautiful display of airy flower girl dresses in an assortment of sherbet tones.

"Mommy, look! It's lavender," Grace cooed. She was excitedly pointing at a fragile silk dress in the window in the loveliest shade of pale purple. This was even prettier than the dress that had been hanging in her closet at the house since our reunion. I could already envision her walking down the aisle before me, her hair pulled back and held in place with fresh flowers. Flowers…Grace could help choose those as well. I couldn't help the grin that had invaded my face.

"Oh no," Alice quietly moaned behind me.

"Alice?" I questioned.

Alice looked up at me, her face a mixture of both disappointment and resignation. "I'd already had a vision of how the wedding would look – or rather, what we would all be wearing. Now _everything_ has changed," she lamented quietly to me.

Before she could say another word, Grace's little hand found Alice's. "Do you like it, Aunt Alice?" Grace asked, her innocent face obviously melting the large, golden doe eyes of my spik-haired sister.

"_You_ will look beautiful in that dress. Let's go in and order it right this minute, little one." Alice gently squeezed her niece's hand and led her toward the front door.

I wrapped my arm around Alice's shoulder and whispered in her ear. "Thank you for being so understanding, Alice."

Alice looked up at me while Esme helped twirl Grace around the room, her happy face taking in everything around her. "_Well_, lavender isn't that far off from the original plan. And," she added with emphasis, "she _will_ look beautiful in that dress. I've already _seen_ it," she winked.

Rosalie had found her way to the many shoes on display, picking up a rather delicate looking strappy heel, while Alice made her way to the closest rack of beautiful bridesmaid dresses, the new color swatch in hand while she thumbed through the racks of gowns. I hung back, content to watch the scene unfold in front of me. Standing there, with what must have been a bemused look on my face, I jumped a bit when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Well, let's not forget that we're here to find something beautiful for you to wear." I turned to see Esme smiling at me, holding Grace in her arms.

"Yeah, Mommy. Let's find you a pretty dress." She struggled to be set down and Esme quickly complied. She grabbed my hand and took off at a short sprint with me trailing behind her. She stopped suddenly in front of an open armoire, bursting at the seams – flowing fabrics in all shades of whites and ivory beckoning to be touched and explored.

Feeling a slight tug where our hands were joined, I looked down to see Grace's brown eyes staring back up at me. "They're all so pretty. I like this one." Grace pulled on a lacy number, just dripping in beads and sequins. I inwardly cringed at the thought of looking like a cupcake. She looked up at me with what had been my human eyes. "Which one do you like, mommy?"

Glancing back up at the array of gowns before me, at that moment I realized how important this dress was to me. I'd never cared about clothing before, but this shopping trip was entirely different. I wanted the official start of my new life with Edward to be beautiful – more importantly-- I wanted to be beautiful for _him_. However, I had no idea where to start. The choices were entirely too overwhelming.

Edward and I had talked about our wedding – when we were on vacation together and he proposed. I was happy to elope or have something small and without the traditional fuss that came with most of these events. When I voiced my opinion, I immediately sensed Edward's demeanor downshift. He wanted to celebrate this new, exciting start with all the traditional trappings, but wouldn't press his wants on me. As always, Edward wanted me to be happy. He told me as much, as he kissed my forehead and said he was happy with whatever I chose. It was a simple decision to make – I had found some happiness with my life while Edward had barely existed while we were apart. We would have the wedding he wished for, stemming I'm sure from his human years and what would have been appropriate in the early twentieth century.

Rousing me from my preoccupied state, Alice, Rosalie and Esme surrounded us, each one grabbing gowns from the racks. Grace pointed out a few that she liked and Alice grabbed those as well, while Rosalie shooed the sales person away. Before I knew it, I was being hustled in and out of dresses, some being deemed 'keepers,' while others were quickly dismissed back to the racks, waiting for some other fortunate bride to discover as their perfect dress. Yes, that was it. I was looking for the perfect dress. How times had changed!

Just when I was convinced that finding my ideal gown was impossible, Rosalie's deft fingers pulled the current zipper into place, followed by her quick work of the buttons that adorned the back of the voluminous ball gown. The room went suddenly very quiet. I smoothed out the flat, box pleats of the skirt and looked into the mirror, my gaze settling on the four sets of eyes gazing back at me.

"Let me guess…disaster?" I sheepishly lifted my eyes to glance at my reflection in the mirror and felt them widen at what they saw.

Knowing that being petite limited my choices in terms of apparel, I was surprised how the soft rustle of fabric and elegant lines of the dress weren't the least bit overwhelming. The scooped, off the shoulder portrait collar framed my face, and made the angles of my jaw soften, placing the emphasis on my eyes and what Edward described as my full lips. Rosalie hastily gathered my hair and pinned it up and off my shoulders, securing the heavy mass with a few rhinestone studded pins, before placing a long, silk tulle veil near the nape of my neck. I knew I wasn't breathing and the tiniest voice gasp beside me startled me out of my musings.

"Mommy, you are so beautiful," Grace whispered softly, the first words spoken for what seemed like an eternity. I looked down at my mini me, and saw her hands hesitantly reach out toward the skirt, her fingers tracing the delicate shimmering beads that adorned the waistband and bodice, the only embellishment on the otherwise simple gown.

"She's right, Bella. I don't think we need to look any farther. I'm not sure that Edward will know what to think when he sees you coming down the aisle in that. What do you think?" Esme fluffed the train, while she held my gaze in the mirror. Her eyes were serene, but twinkled with quiet joy.

I knew I had made my decision…but I wasn't going to let Alice know that. "It's certainly a possibility, Esme. Let's put it on the list."

******

The final week of school finally came, and with it, the restlessness of students and staff alike. I always thought that teachers had it so easy; long holidays, no evenings or weekends, and most importantly--summers off. It wasn't until I spent my first couple of years teaching on the reservation that I fully comprehended what it took to be in education.

Being a teacher, who also happened to be a vampire (that thought still made me giggle at times) was sometimes even more difficult. The idea of keeping my cover, working and being gentle with the small humans around me made me anxious and a little over zealous about every action and activity that I participated in.

Now that Edward was back in my life and our future stood directly in front of us, I was more than ready for summer vacation to begin. We had only a few days of school ahead of us and then I could collect Grace from her father and spend the week with her prior to the wedding. Every cell of my body was alert with energy, anticipating the happy moments before she walked me down the aisle to meet Edward.

My mind was so focused on those happy thoughts that I almost missed the subtle click of the knob to the door of my classroom as the door swung shut.

I didn't need to smell Gerry's horrible scent to know that he waited behind me. I thought "_What now_?" but the overpowering smell of alcohol almost stopped me in my tracks.

I knew Gerry was a jerk, but I'd never expected him to drink on the job, even with all the students gone for the summer.

"Sooooo," Gerry slurred, "you're really gonna marry this ass?" His tongue seemed to be stuck on the _"s"_.

In my indignation, I turned around, only to find that Gerry was so close to me that I could see the relief pattern of his skin, the large pores even more evident than they usually were. I was more anxious over the fact that he had me cornered. Gerry had me trapped in the far side of the room, furthest from the door. That coupled with the idea that I wasn't sure how I could extricate myself from the situation without possibly tipping him off that something wasn't _quite_ right about me had my mind racing.

His eyes narrowed, his eyebrows so hunched over that I could barely see the cold, steely gray irises that normally raked over my body making me feel exposed and uncomfortable. The unease with his proximity was making me begin to panic - that feeling was multiplying tenfold, when he spoke again.

"You know," he began, his tone dark and menacing, "I've been really patient. I felt sorry for you, gave you a job, and have gone out of my way to make sure that you kept your spot here. I've tried being friendly, but you've done nothing to show any type of appreciation for all I've done for you." He leaned in closer to me while I frantically tried to think of an escape. "I think at this point, it's just easier to show you what you're missing before you marry that jackass and ruin everything." His hand grabbed my hip and he tried to pull him toward his waiting lips. My stomach sank while I frantically tried to keep his hands at bay without hurting him.

Gerry's lips pursed toward mine and the smell of vodka, usually odorless to humans, was overpowering. While I was still trying to quickly find a way out of his trap without exposing my non-human nature, Gerry spun out of my direct line of sight and slammed into the wall. My eyes caught Edward's quick work of taking Gerry's arm, twisting it behind him and spinning him away from me as quickly as possible. It was obvious that Edward wasn't concerned about exposing his abilities as a vampire.

I put a hand on his shoulder, attempting to calm him. "Edward, you could hurt him," I whispered, too low for Gerry to hear.

"That's my plan," he hissed under his breath. Edward turned his attention toward his adversary. "You have no right to touch her," he barked at Gerry, whose face was now pressed flat against the textured wallpaper of the room. Edward tightened his grip and the low whine of Gerry's bone protesting the unnatural position that he was currently in came through loud and clear.

"Get off of me!" Gerry barked, though the bravado was evident in his voice. He struggled in vain to pull himself out of Edward's grip, which made my fiancé tighten his grip even harder. Just then, the district's superintendent walked in, her face questioning the scene in front of her.

"What is going on here?" she quickly asked.

Edward didn't loosen his grip. Instead, he took a giant breath, trying to calm his enraged demeanor. "Your employee was attacking my fiancé," he muttered low and I could feel the panic in the form of adrenaline emanating from Superintendent Birch.

"Maybe you should let go of him now," she replied. Her voice was quiet and tense, yet authoritative.

"No." Edward's tone was eerily calm and deadly. "He's not getting away with this," he argued.

From my vantage point, I could see Edward's usual amber eyes black with anger. I tried again.

"Edward, sweetheart, you can let go of him. We can talk about this logically," I quietly reasoned.

"_Sweetheart_? Are you an idiot? Did you not understand what I just told you?" Gerry screamed at me, his tone incredulous. His actions did nothing but further aggravate Edward, who tightened his grip. I could hear the tiny tear of muscle, which caused Gerry to howl in pain.

Mrs. Birch scrambled toward the classroom phone, quickly dialing 911. While she spoke with the dispatcher, Edward glanced in my direction, his face lined in anger.

"Edward, you can let go of him," I spoke softly.

"The hell I can," he hissed back.

I breathed a soft sigh, trying to find a way out of this situation. With the police on the way, this was going to get complicated quickly. Edward's voice roused me from my thoughts.

"Are you all right?" he asked, his voice softer, while his hands were anything but. His stance still had Gerry pinned against the wall, who was starting to pathetically whimper from the pain in his arm and shoulder. Edward again turned his head in my direction, his eyes full of concern.

"I'm fine," I assured him.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

"For what?" I questioned, watching and listening to Mrs. Birch as she continued her phone call with emergency services, her eyes scanning back and forth between the room and the window to the parking lot. I could hear her describe which building the authorities could find us in, her tone encouraging them to hurry.

Edward glanced at the still squirming Gerry, before looking back at me. "I know you can take care of yourself. But Alice saw something coming, something involving Gerry and you, but he kept changing his mind. We weren't sure what he was up to, what he was capable of. When I arrived in the parking lot, the thoughts coming off him set me off. It took all my self-control to not race in here and rip his head off." He was barely controlling the rumble in his chest.

I nodded at him, understanding that Edward and self-control when it came to my safety weren't exactly synonymous. I put a hand on his shoulder, letting him know that I was listening. The hard line of his jaw started to soften while he continued. "I couldn't bear to the disgusting thoughts from him…" he stammered, "…the ideas he had about you. And when I walked in, and he was touching you, threatening you," he stopped and shook his head, his expression one of repulsion.

"I didn't know how to get away without exposing me – exposing all of us," I whispered back.

The corner of Edward's lip lifted slightly. "You could have dazzled him," he laughed quietly. The blare of sirens could be heard several miles down the road, and Edward's smile broadened. "Now he's worried," he whispered.

The situation quickly became organized chaos. The police arrived and questioned us separately; Gerry was taken into custody when his drunken menacing remarks and threats extended to the police. I was told I would be contacted by the district attorney to offer my testimony and be a witness.

When everyone was gone, Edward helped me pack up the remainder of the room for the summer.

"Are you certain you're all right?" Edward questioned, his hand reaching out to take mine as I packed books away for off-season cleaning. "You've been very quiet."

I looked up at him and focused on his eyes, once again that molten gold that I'd fallen in love with years earlier. "I was just thinking about some things."

"Such as?"

"This criminal case could get really complicated. What if the Volturi find out? What if it goes national and it affects Grace?" My worry was multiplying as quickly as the words were tumbling out.

"I don't think you need to worry about that," Edward replied.

"How can you say that?" I shot back, my anxiety starting to show.

"Bella, we'll figure everything out. Alice can help – her gift comes in very handy in situations like this," he offered.

"But it can change with anyone's decision," I countered.

He took my hands in both of his. "Bella, listen to me. I don't want you to think about anything but picking up Grace tomorrow and the two of us getting married in a week. My family and I will deal with Gerry, if you'll let us. We're a family – we'll figure this out together." The soothing tone of his voice was starting to calm my nerves.

But my head started swimming with details. "You're right. But there are other things," I offered.

"Such as?"

"At the very least, I can't continue to work here. It's hard enough being _different_ – to have to walk around and actually hear those whispers about me will make it impossible," I complained.

"Well, you don't have to work at all, unless you want to. I'll take care of you and Grace. Maybe you need a break," he reasoned, but I couldn't miss the spark of hope in his voice.

I thought about the idea of spending some time with Edward, unfettered by the rush of day-to-day living with a regular job and all the responsibilities that went with it.

"Maybe you're right. Besides, dealing with some of these parents, especially the _moms_, are tough," I offered.

"How so?"

"When I see them, it's like they're coming after me with flaming pitchforks," I joked.

We finished the packing quickly and Edward and I headed to the car when I started giggling.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked, as his hand snaked around my waist.

"You're angry voice isn't much different than it was in my head," I responded.

Edward stopped and looked at me. "What exactly are you talking about?"

I realized too late that I had said too much. "Nothing. Forget I said anything." I kept walking, trying to change the subject. Edward's arm around my waist stopped in my tracks.

"You're not going anywhere until you explain that statement," he whispered in my ear.

Leaning into his embrace, too embarassed to look him in the eye, I told him about my daredevil ways after he left, those shots of adrenaline offering me rare moments of hearing his voice, even if the voice was angry with me for failing to keep my promise. Edward listened patiently, until I finished. Turning to finally look at him, I couldn't gage the look in his eyes.

"So," I finished, "it's pretty obvious that I was a mess when you left– I was hearing your voice and you weren't even there – and I was putting myself in danger to hear it. Pathetic," I offered.

Edward took me into his arms, his embrace warm, yet tight and possessive. "The only pathetic thing was me leaving you, but I'm _never_ letting go of you again. You and Grace are my whole life now. Don't ever forget that." He continued to lead me to the car, and grazed my forehead with his lips.

With the knowledge that I had him and his heart forever, I knew I never would.


	57. Chapter 57

_AN: Well, here it is! The wedding is finally upon us for those of who have to have the happily ever after…and I just want to go on record – the blue shoes near the middle of the chapter were my idea! I chuckled when I saw them in the original Sex and the City movie…that detail has always been a part of the storyline when I started this story almost three years ago! One chapter to go…see you soon!_

_And as always, many thanks go grumpy grizzly for being my editor and sounding board…and for those of you who have stuck through this with me! Enjoy!_

_Additionally, I have a Tumblr account that I am currently using to post pictures from the story - thing I found that help me write this little love fest! It'll take me a few days to finish it, but then I'll post a link on my profile page...just in case you're interested!  
_

Chapter 54: At last - The Wedding

I walked into the stylish hotel suite, shutting the door behind Grace and me. I smiled at Jacob, who was sitting one of the elegant sofas noticing Meghan to his left. I tossed my purse on the table with accuracy and then placed the keys to the Volvo right next to it.

Jacob's face was tight and he didn't return the smile. His eyes never left my face. "Meghan, will you take Grace downstairs for a walk? Maybe a snack?" he suggested.

The tone is his voice was low, somber. The timbre of it frightened me. Jacob didn't get that look often. He was normally a happy, laid back man. I had only seen that look when he was upset or worried.

I gently hugged Grace and softly nudged her toward Meghan's direction. As she passed me I let my fingers comb through her shiny black ponytail. The door closed with a resounding thud of finality, the silence in the room punctuated only with Jacob's deep cleansing breaths. His heartbeat was rapid, the blood whooshing so quickly that I thought he might have a heart attack if he didn't calm himself down.

"What's up?" I asked as casually as possible, trying to inject enthusiasm into my voice.

"Bells," Jacob sighed, his voice flat, "We need to talk." His look intensified.

I could feel my still heart skip an imaginary beat while I held my unnecessary breath. Had he changed his mind about me seeing Grace?

Unconsciously, I slouched into sofa across from him. "Okay?" I asked hesitantly, my eyes anxiously scanning his face for any hint of what was about to come. My mind that could now think on multiple levels was racing to all sorts of negative assumptions.

"There's so much…." Jake trailed off. His tone was flat, and he was no longer making eye contact with me. My heart sank even more.

I tried to not panic. I sat up straighter. I was no longer anyone's shrinking violet. Grace was far too important to me. I had been without her for too long and even if I was still was not entirely convinced that my being in her life was what was best for her, she needed me.

Edward was right – we needed each other.

But what rights did I have? According to all those that knew me in Forks, I was dead. I functioned below the legal radar of the law. It's not like I could get a great lawyer and take Jake to court. What recourse did I have?

I tried to not ponder on these things – tried to stay focused on Jake and see if there was any way that I could figure a way to settle this amicably, so that everyone would win.

"Bella," Jake questioned, "did you hear what I just said?"

I looked back at him, my chin defiant, as I sat up straighter in my chair. "I'm sure there's a way that we can figure this out together, but I'm not giving her up," I answered calmly but soberly.

Jake looked at me blankly, his expression one of confusion. "What are you talking about?"

I tensed and braced myself. I would not back down. I could sense the answering defensiveness automatically matching mine in Jacob.

"We've only just found each other again. I need her," I swallowed, my voice beginning to break. My resolve was fading fast. "And she needs me too," I finished weakly, not sure if I truly believed my own statement.

"Bella, I have no clue what you're talking about," Jake replied sounding slightly annoyed.

Wait…_what_?

"Aren't you talking about Grace?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Grace?" Jake stopped for a second. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head before he continued. "What I need to talk to you about has nothing to do with Grace. What kind of jerk do you take me for, Bella?" he argued. His jaw tightened and his eyes flashed, though I wouldn't categorize his expression as angry. Maybe righteously indignant?

This was one of those times I really could've used Edward's ability.

I let out a gust of air from the breath I had been holding, my body slumping back into the cushions of the sofa. If he wasn't talking about Grace, what did we need to discuss?

"Bella," Jake exhaled, "before you marry Cullen, I need to tell you a few things."

Not this again…there was _NO_ way that I was going to get in an argument about Edward.

I loved him. He loved me. End of story.

Before I could mentally prep myself for what I believed would be a knock-down drag out fight, I looked up at Jake. His body language was anxious, his face tight while he rubbed his hands together nervously. He picked up the beer he'd been nursing and knocked it back in one long stretch.

"What is it, Jake? Don't keep me guessing about this," I breathed, trying in vain to keep my unease at bay.

Jake took a deep breath, leaning forward and looked me straight in the eye. "I'm sorry, Bells," he said softly.

"Sorry for what? What have you done?" I nearly barked. I was more confused than ever. My mind was whirring through images trying to think of what he could be sorry for.

"It happened a long time ago and I should have been honest but we were so happy and I didn't want to ruin what we had but now that I know why he did what he did and with Meghan and all I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for all of this!" he finished before taking a deep breath. He was rambling and talking faster than I had ever heard him and I was lost at what his point actually might be.

I held up my hand. "Wait." I looked deeply into his eyes as his searched mine looking very sad. " I'm lost." I sat up and leaned toward him, pausing to quell the nausea I could feel. "What exactly are you talking about?" Confusion was frustrating me. "Why don't you start at the beginning?"

Jake scrubbed his tired, unshaven face, before he fully focused on me. "I'm sorry for so many things. But if I had to start at the beginning, I'd say this all started when I went by Charlie's place to pick up your dress."

_Charlie? _Wow, that was going back a few years. "What dress?"

"Your wedding dress."

I stopped thinking. I stopped breathing. I was stunned. "Go on," I encouraged.

"Remember, you left your suitcase before our honeymoon at your dad's place. We stopped and picked it up and you changed there, in your old room – remember?" he ventured.

I nodded and couldn't help the smile that touched my lips. That was a memory I still retained. It was one of the best days of my life back then. After a moment and still confused, I replied, "Sure." I resumed my cautious stance.

"So," he continued, "when we got back, you were so busy with school and moving into the new house, I offered to go and pick it up and have it cleaned." The tone of his voice was bright, like he was willing me to remember. The image vaguely flitted through my brain.

"Ok," I mumbled.

"Well, I let myself in and ran up to your room and I knew it instantly." Right about then his eyes focused on his hands.

His dragging pace was killing me. "Keep going," I encouraged.

"Well," he continued, before swallowing hard, "I knew _they'_d been there. I could smell them. I thought for a second that I would phase, but finally realized the scent was old. But I could smell seven distinct scents, so I knew it had to be _them_."

After Esme's intervention, I'd learned that the Cullen's had been in Charlie's house where Edward heartbreakingly discovered that I had indeed moved on. Was Jake telling me that he knew they had been there as well?

"So?" I prompted as tension seeped into my taut body. My fists involuntarily clenched next to my legs. .

"So," he took a deep breath briefly glancing at my hands, "I knew they'd been there. I should have been honest. I should have told you. But," he argued remorsefully, sitting forward in his seat, "we were happy. We'd just gotten married and you were always smiling. I had no way of knowing if he'd hurt you again, so I wasn't about to take that chance. And I still looked at them as dangerous…" he trailed off.

_Wow_. Since discovering the truth about the past decade, all the good and the bad, I'd never thought about what had happened afterward. Now the pieces were coming together.

"So let me get this straight," I started patiently in the voice I tended to use with Grace. "You knew the Cullens came back and you didn't tell me?"

"Yes, but let me explain" he said as he held his hands up. The relief that he'd only kept something from me finally came into focus in my mind – he wasn't taking Grace from me. He was just confessing – coming clean. The chuckle that cut Jake off, stemming from humor or hysterical relief at that point, I wasn't sure. "Jake, I understand. I do. You should have told me…that wasn't your choice to make, but you need to let that one go. You did what you thought was best and even though I'm not sure I would have done the same, I understand. We'll never know what 'might' have happened, but I'm finished dwelling on the past."

Jake looked slightly relieved, before he looked back at me. "That's not all," he said quietly.

_Oh now what?_

He swallowed hard. "How much do you remember of your days on the Rez?" he asked calmly, though his eyes were tight.

"Most everything…why?" I asked. Where was he going with this?

He took a deep breath, his eyes closing as his head tipped back. "That night that you left me…that night that you _tried_ to leave me - do you remember that?" he whispered. Every muscle in his exposed arms looked tight and stretched thin.

"Of course I remember that," I muttered quietly, though in all honesty, I wished I could forget it.

He tipped his head forward, his warm eyes snapping open to look at me directly. "I'm so sorry. I couldn't tell you what was really going on. Sam gave us a direct order and I couldn't break it. He wouldn't listen to reason…" he trailed off, his hands rubbing the rough denim that covered his legs.

"It wasn't until you ended up in the hospital because of my stupidity that he finally started to reconsider his idea on telling you about the vampire that kept coming back for you. He thought you'd be better off not knowing. He thought you could just go about your everyday life - being with me and Grace, working at the school and spending time with the Pack family. He thought what he was doing was the right thing and I couldn't fight it…and believe me, I tried."

I nodded, not sure what else to say or do.

He took a deep breath and kept going. "That night, when you were leaving with the baby, I panicked. You didn't know how dangerous it was for you to leave LaPush. I tried to get you to stay, to be on the Rez where I knew you'd be safe – you and Grace. Even with Meghan, I still loved you, Bella. _I still do_…" His voice was a mix of guilt and remorse. I could see that he had been torturing himself over this.

"Keep going," I urged as the image played through my mind like a movie.

"So you're walking out the door and all I could think of was you going back to Forks and getting killed - of Grace losing her mother and me losing my best friend – maybe Grace even getting killed in the process."

I winced. I couldn't bear to think of something like that happening.

He shook his head. "I snapped. I couldn't let you walk out that door and I grabbed you, hoping you would stop and we could talk about this and figure out how to make it work." His words were coming so quickly it was hard to keep up. "I never meant to grab you that hard. I hurt you and I'm so sorry for that. I don't blame anyone for that but me…not Sam, not this legacy…_I_ did that and I'm so sorry."

He took a deep breath, his eyes refusing to even blink, while he waited. I realized he was waiting for me to respond.

"Jake, it's okay," I began, not really sure what to say. I started to reach over to comfort him but then withdrew my hand.

He was still looking at the ground when he interrupted me. "No, Bella! It's NOT okay. You had to go to the hospital because of me – Charlie should have arrested me. I had no right to do that to you." His eyes were full of agony.

"It was an accident. I knew that then, and I definitely know that now," I argued boring my eyes into his so he would know I was serious.

Jake held up a hand, halting my response. "Bella, I thought if I made it clear that Grace was staying with us, with the Pack, you would stay too. That may have been Sam's idea, but I didn't fight that – and I could have. It wasn't an order. But I didn't know what else to do. I just thought if I forced your hand, you'd stay. You wouldn't be happy about it, but you'd eventually accept it. That was so unfair and I'm so sorry." He looked up at me, his eyes moist with tears. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I wish I could take it all back."

"But Jake—" I tried to begin but he cut me off.

"If I had done all this differently, you'd still be with us at home! I could have fought the imprint," he choked, but soldiered on, "I could have protected you and we'd be together. We'd be happy and none of this would have happened!"

"And you'd be miserable," I countered knowing I had to be the voice of reason.

"I'd be fine," he retorted defensively, some of his old bravado coming back.

I stood and reached over to take his hand. "No, you wouldn't," I said calmly.

Jake clasped my hand in his. "I just couldn't let another day go by, another visit, and not get everything out there."

_Silence_.

We just sat there and looked at each other. Was I angry? A little. Was I surprised? Not really. All my life, either human or vampire, those around me had made decisions on my behalf, most without my consent or input. But did any of it really matter anymore?

"Jake?"

He looked at me expectantly. "Yeah?"

"You never asked for this birthright of yours, did you?" I questioned.

"No." His answer came easily, some of the anger and petulance of the sixteen year-old Jake I'd fallen love with bursting through.

"But if it hadn't happened," I contradicted him, "you would've never met Meghan, right?" The teasing in my voice was impossible to miss.

Jake's eyes widened. "But I had you. It wouldn't have made any difference."

I waved him off. "Take me out of the equation for a minute, Jake. Do you love her?"

"Of course I do!" He responded sharply, then softening his tone he continued, "but I loved you first. I was happy with you, with Grace, with our life on the reservation." His tone was a plea, hoping I'd understand.

"Are you saying that you could live without her, Jake?" I asked quietly.

We heard the click of the key, and both of our heads snapped toward the hotel door. Meghan walked back into the room, Grace beside her. Jake's eyes locked on his wife, who was tending the tiny, sleeping newborn in the stroller she pushed. Even for someone who didn't understand imprinting, the obvious magnetic draw that Jake had to her was undeniable.

I cleared my throat, hoping to gain his attention. "It was meant to be, Jake. Can't you see that? If you'd told me about the Cullens, Grace may not have even been. And," I whispered, so Meghan wouldn't hear, "Matthew William would never have been. Right?" I challenged. The baby woke with a strong cry, just to prove my point. I raised an eyebrow at Jake before adding, "I think Matthew agrees."

"I'm still so sorry for everything that you've lost." The sadness in his eyes was compelling.

"But look at everything that I've gained, Jake. I got my little girl back."

"Still," he countered.

"Jake," I rushed, as Grace was walking toward me at that second, "let it go. I have. I forgive you – you forgave me. That's what friends do…" I finished, as I wrapped Grace up in my arms. "We both have her," I whispered. "Everything else makes no difference. I'm not looking back anymore. No more 'what ifs' or 'if onlys'. Got it?" I smiled brightly at him.

Jake nodded, his eyes conveying that he understood. The time for looking back was over. Things had never been perfect, but it was time to move on, move forward…to finally be happy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The days before the wedding flew by. Between spending all the time I possibly could with Grace, and the million phone calls from Alice going over final details, it was a good thing I couldn't sleep.

Edward, on the other hand, was getting restless.

His gentlemanly ways were starting to unravel. We never went too far (_no matter how hard I tried_), and now that Grace was under the same roof, he excused himself earlier than usual in the evenings. I used every trick I knew to get him to stay, but to no avail. He'd usually call me from home later in the evenings, and we would talk for hours about everything and nothing, trying to make the minutes move even faster.

Grace had a great time selecting the cake. She sat in my lap while she tested each flavor, taking heaping servings of each kind before making her final decision. Needless to say, Alice wasn't thrilled about what she picked. I believe she used the term "gaudy", but when Grace looked at her aunt with such pride in her eyes, Alice relented – besides, she was the only one eating it anyway!

When we arrived at the florist, Grace's obvious delight as she looked at every flower, commented on every shape and color, lifting each of the blooms to her pert little nose to sample their smell made us all smile. We let her choose her flowers and she picked bright pink gerbera daisies. We used the same florist we'd used for the university cocktail party. Chris, the owner, tripped over himself to keep Alice happy as she went over each bouquet in agonizing detail – lilies, roses, freesias, gardenias and lavender, with different bouquets for Rose, Esme and herself depending on their preference. The only continuity was all the bouquets were in white…Grace would have our "splash of color" as Alice described it.

Each day rushed by in a whirlwind until finally the morning of the big day arrived. We'd planned a late afternoon ceremony. We would return Grace to Jake at the hotel at the end of the small reception that would follow the big event. I asked him if he and Meghan wanted to attend, but between caring for the baby, and Jake admitting that it would be a bit weird for him, we let it go. However, we planned on bringing a bunch of food back to the hotel – a reception with only one eater was bound to have leftovers.

We got ready at the Cullen house, where Alice thought it would be easier to ply my hair into something special to commemorate the day. Each dress hung on its own dress form, to ensure they stayed wrinkle free. The tiny one that held Grace's was at the front of the room. "Mommy, look! It's so pretty!"

"You did a wonderful job picking it out, little one," Esme told her hugging her proudly.

Indeed she had. The silk shantung dress with rows or tiny pleats, a round neck and wide sash was beautiful. Alice had ordered custom made Mary Janes in the same fabric, embellished with tiny crystals. Not to be outdone, Rosalie had called a boutique in New York and worked with a designer to have a custom headband made with the same fabric, the trim made to echo her new shoes, with tiny Swarovski crystals. Grace also insisted on wearing the diamond tennis bracelet that Rosalie had given her months ago, which made Emmett smile when we mentioned it to him.

Was there _anything_ they wouldn't do for my child?

Esme dressed quickly, her caramel colored hair swept in a smart knot at the nape of her neck, a few small sprigs of lavender placed to finish the look. She moved quickly, checking, double checking and triple checking everything that we would need before we left for the small chapel that Alice had found. Her gown was the same shade as Alice and Rosalie's…a slightly deeper shade of the pale lavender that Grace had excitedly picked out.

Esme's gown was simple and elegant, completely fitting her taste and personality, with its deep v-neck, empire waist and slightly flared skirt

.

Rosalie and Alice were already dressed, both in the same colors, but remarkably different styles. Rosalie's dress was classy yet daring It was fitted tighter through the hips and had a deep scoop neck. It accentuated her spectacular figure while being tasteful and chic.

Alice's dress had subtle pockets and a darling keyhole neckline. I shot her a look when I spied her slipping some chocolates into them. "What? Grace might get hungry," she defended. I could only laugh knowing she was probably right.

"You may want to carry some wet wipes too if you are giving her chocolate that could melt." I chuckled as the wheels in her head started to turn and she was picturing different potential chocolate disasters.

Alice worked on my makeup, keeping it simple and natural, while Rosalie coaxed my hair into deep waves, pinning sections of it back, near the base of my head. She took the beautiful platinum and diamond brooch that had belonged to Edward's mother and pinned it off-center of the crown. Its cool metal color and sparkling diamonds contrasted nicely with my dark hair and I hoped he would be pleased with what I had selected.

I stepped into my wedding gown over my blue bridal garments, my sisters adjusting the sleeves, the neckline, fussing over every detail.

"Mommy," Grace interjected, "that dress is so pretty," she whispered. Her fingers fluttered over the beading at the waist as her eyes took on a dreamy awed expression. "You are prettier than a princess," she whispered.

"Thank you, honey." I smiled down at her. "You look prettier than all of us combined!" She smiled up at me and them we looked at our reflections in the three-paneled mirror. I whispered to myself, "I hope Edward likes it." The butterflies were multiplying fast.

Esme appeared behind me, her hands calming on my shoulders. I felt her fingers tug the zipper upward, before hastily fastening the million or so buttons that adorned the back. She hugged my shoulders. "Edward will love it," she whispered back before retrieving my veil.

I'd fought Alice on the veil. I thought it was overkill, but she insisted saying that Edward would be disappointed if I didn't adhere to the tradition. That got me and I held still as Esme attached the cathedral length and blusher length tulle to my hair. I took a second to really appraise myself in the mirror before Alice approached me with my shoes, still nestled safely in their box.

"Ready?" she asked, her smile cheerful.

"Yep."

Alice lifted the first pale blue satin shoe and handed it to Grace. I lifted my skirt and she slipped it on my foot, caressing the satin finish. I chuckled at the sight of them.

"Trust me," Alice retorted. This was her clever idea of "something blue. And I had to admit, I loved them. Before they would have been death traps for me, but now I could enjoy some of the adventures of life.

"Okay," I concurred quickly. I kept taking deep breaths, trying to calm my frazzled nerves.

Alice clucked her tongue. I turned to look at her. There was a deep crease between her brows.

"What?" I asked.

"Something seems off," she murmured, but her smile was crafty. I knew she was up to something.

A firm knock on the door grabbed my attention. Esme went to see who it was.

"You're not allowed in here, young man," Esme scolded, her voice teasing.

"I know – I just need to talk to her," Edward pleaded. "Please? Just for a moment?"

"That's up to her," she answered, not taking her eyes off the door, her palm flush against the wood to prevent him from opening it.

"Bella?" Edward called, "would you permit me a moment?" His voice was tender and hopeful.

Feeling the smile spread across my face, I swished toward the door. "I'm here," I whispered.

"Nervous?" he queried.

"A little," I confessed, "but not about marrying you. I've never been surer of anything."

"Good….good," he sounded relieved. "I have something for you."

_Now?_ "Okay?"

Esme stepped aside, while Edward's long, elegant fingers slipped two identically wrapped boxes through the crack in the door. I hurried to take them, but Edward clasped my fingers and gave them a gentle squeeze. The sigh from him was audible to even Grace. "I've missed you."

My smile grew bigger. "Missed me? You saw me a little more than twelve hours ago," I teased. Edward had left my house last night only a minute shy of midnight explaining that Esme would tongue lash him if he lingered into the next day.

"Yes, missed you. I can't believe that in less than an hour you'll be Mrs. Edward Cullen."

I felt his lips graze my fingertips, making me swoon. "Yep, and then you'll never get rid of me!"

"That's been my plan all along," he answered tenderly.

Esme cleared her throat. "Edward, why don't you head to the church? We'll be leaving shortly," she suggested.

"I'll see you soon, sweetheart," he stated simply, and with one more squeeze of his hand, he was gone.

I took a good look at the packages he left. They were both wrapped in lavender paper, adorned with silver ribbons and freesias. One was addressed to me – the other to _Grace._

Opening the letter, I read looking for clarification.

_My Dearest Bella,_

_I have many memories of our time together, but none will be more meaningful than when you walk down the aisle toward me to start our lives together. I've hoped for this moment, prayed for it even, thinking it might help and in just a few minutes, that moment will finally come._

_Inside the box is a very special piece of jewelry from my late mother. My father gave it to her on their wedding day, and I'd be honored if you'd wear it for me. Esme assures me that it will go beautifully with your gown. And don't worry – Alice hasn't given away any of the dresses you liked in her mind._

_I've also included something for Grace. Hers is new, but given the importance of today, I wanted her to not only feel included but also begin to understand how very much I love her. Please tell her that for me, won't you?_

_I'll see you soon and love you always,_

_Edward_

"Grace, honey, Mr. Edward brought you a present," I told her. She ran to me stopping suddenly and handling the box reverently. She had watched Rosalie and Alice open presents so she had begun imitating their manners. But, she was still a little girl and soon she tore into the wrapping paper with abandon, while I gingerly pried at the tape. Grace gasped when she opened the box. "It matches my bracelet," she shrieked with absolute joy.

I, too, opened the beautiful velvet box with my name on it and found a large, heart-shaped crystal, suspended from a delicate platinum chain.

"Mommy, we got the same thing," Grace shouted gleefully, wagging her box in front of my face. I looked over her shoulder and sure enough, Grace's necklace was an exact replica of mine, albeit daintier.

traced the heart crystal, reveling in how beautiful it was, how perfect it looked, considering its age. Rosalie slipped mine from its box and fastened the clasp around my neck. Its length suited my neckline perfectly, as it lay in the hollow between my collar bones.

"Wow, a crystal this old and it's still in perfect condition," I remarked.

Rosalie smirked, holding her lips in to prevent a laugh from escaping.

"What's so funny?" I asked confused.

"Bella, that is no _crystal_," Rosalie explained.

It took me about half a second before I understood her meaning. "Do you mean to tell me that this," I pointed at the heart lying against my skin, "is a diamond?"

Rosalie simply nodded nonchalantly, while Alice fastened Grace's clasp and straightened the chain.

"Bella," Alice jumped in, "what's the big deal? I thought you would love it, especially given how sentimental it is to Edward."

I nodded absently, taken aback by the size of the stone. I knew Edward was tasteful but extravagant, but I was still stunned to be in possession of such a beautiful treasure. Suddenly, it occurred to me to ask. "Does that mean that Grace's necklace is _exactly_ the same as mine?"

"Exactly, " Alice nodded enthusiastically and then dabbed a bit more lip gloss on me. I shook my head at Edward's lavishness, hugging my daughter to me and telling her that her stepdad loved her. It was a beautiful beginning to what I knew would be a fabulous day.

The hired car pulled up to the small white clapboard chapel adorned with the large pots of fresh flowers and garlands welcoming us with their cheeriness. Before the limo came to a complete stop, Alice had popped the handle, anxious to exit. Esme cautioned her, mumbling a reminder that Grace was in the car and we had plenty of time.

After exiting the car, we lined up ready to walk down the aisle. Carlisle met us at the door smiling broadly. Grace ran toward him and she scooped him up into her arms. "You look beautiful, dear one," he gushed.

Alice handed each of us our bouquet – heirloom roses for Esme, elegant calla lilies for Rose and perfect gardenias for herself. She offered to trade Grace for her daisies with a wink in my direction, but Grace was steadfast in her choice.

"You ready," he asked, his smile proud and his eyes soft.

"Absolutely," I replied gracing him with a contented smile. Alice handed me my large bouquet, fragrant and beautiful. The roses, calla lilies, gardenias, freesias and lavender formed a large round burst of blooms. There were clusters of crystals placed throughout the arrangement, which glittered, despite the overcast sky.

The music began and each of my ladies in waiting floated through the open doors of the tiny chapel. Alice took Grace's hand and they walked together, their gait in perfect harmony, almost skipping to the end of the aisle.

The doors closed with a quiet click in front of us and Carlisle offered me his arm. "Well, it took a lot longer than it should have, but it's time. If we don't get in there, he might break that door down and kidnap you," Carlisle chuckled. "He's been a nervous wreck all day," he spoke conspiratorially with a wink.

I nodded happily and we waited behind the closed doors. Carlisle mumbled something to Esme, and the piano music changed keys. The processional started and the doors opened. Edward waited for me at the end of the aisle, his face erupting into a beautiful smile when our eyes locked. I felt compelled to run to him, until I felt Carlisle's hand squeeze my hand, leading me down the aisle slowly and gracefully where my forever was waiting.

"Do you take this man…"

I nodded enthusiastically, before adding "I will…"

He stole a kiss, which made everyone chuckle.

"That's for _after_ the ceremony, son," the minister chastised with a grin.

He never tore his eyes from me, just nodded.

"Do you take this woman…"

"I will…"

He stole another kiss.

This time the minister merely sighed.

We'd exchange our personal vows later, to keep them private and only for _us._

When the clergy pronounced us husband and wife, Edward didn't hold back. One hand cupped my face, while his other wrapped around my waist, pulling my tightly to his chest. The kiss was passionate, his actions communicating to me that our love was real and unending. I kissed him back just as fiercely, until I heard a small cough from Carlisle. I pulled back, but Edward kissed me once more, his lips brushing against mine, before he smiled and greeted me.

"I love you, Mrs. Cullen."

Everyone applauded, while Emmett hoisted Grace into his arms to cheer.

The reception was well underway. Grace was so excited that she didn't notice that she was the only one eating while she happily chatted to everyone.

She scarcely sat, excitedly running around the small table where we went through the motions to make it easier for her.

She came alive when the music started, anxious to dance, and just as anxious to watch her new family celebrate. She and Emmett kept high fiving and agreeing that they loved "to party."

Edward led me to the floor for the first dance, his arm slipping around my waist, while he pulled me close to his body. The hum of our attraction to one another was undeniable, but my mind momentarily lingered on the last time Edward and I had been in this position, when the results had been much less favorable. I couldn't help but cringe.

"Oh come now, it isn't that bad," he teased, his lips lingering on my hair as he hummed along with the music.

"No, it's not. It's wonderful really – I was just thinking about the last time we," I looked at him, trying to help him remember without actually saying the words. We both chuckled quietly.

"It may not have ended well, but that kiss was so worth it. I thought I'd remembered how astonishing our kisses were from memory, but actually experiencing it told me unequivocally that my memory did not do them justice." He kissed me soundly on the mouth.

I loosened up, determined to no longer think about painful memories, but just to bask in the present.

"Do you like it?" he whispered, fingering the diamond necklace and the tender flesh surrounding it. I shivered involuntarily.

I looked up at him. "I…love…it," I stammered, while his fingers continued their ministrations.

He looked back at me, his eyes full of want. "And Grace," his voice growing husky, "did she like hers?" His other hand drifted upwards, grazing just beneath my breast.

My eyes grew wide. "Ummm," stammering again, "very much, I think."

"Well, let's go ask her, shall we?" The clarity had returned to his voice, any promise of things to come long gone, while I muttered "_tease_" under my breath.

"Not tonight, I won't be," he challenged back.

Teasing aside Edward took my hand and we collected Grace before the song ended. He easily hoisted her into his arms and we danced together, a new family making memories of a special day. Grace kissed Edward on the cheek, thanking him for her necklace, which reminded me that I would have to speak with Edward later about "extravagant" gifts. But today was for celebrating, and Grace loved her new accessory.

The night went on and Edward and I sampled our cake, much to my daughter's delight. She took great pride in showing everyone she could eat a piece bigger than Emmett's. Each member of the family continued to "pretend" to be human and Grace was none the wiser. Emmett asked Grace for a dance rather ceremoniously and she boldly accepted.

The most amazing part of the night was watching Jasper and Grace interact. My little girl was tenacious, and she wasn't about to let the most timid member of the wedding party get by her without some interaction.

Initially, Jasper let us know that he wouldn't be attending. He apologized, but still didn't trust himself, but Alice had had enough.

"_Jasper, we're done with this conversation. You won't be the least bit attracted to her scent, but I'll be damned if you're going to miss this wedding after everything the family has gone through for it to finally happen. Do you hear me?"_

Alice and Jasper rarely argued, but this was one fight that Jasper wouldn't be able to "calm" his way out of. After several days of Alice making him "sleep" on the couch, he finally gave in. Alice assured him that she could see that things would be perfect and that he and Grace would become fast friends.

And Grace wasn't about to be deterred. Though Jasper had done his best to stay out of sight in the shadows, Grace immediately noticed the unfamiliar face that was part of her new family, walked up to him, and stuck out her hand for an introduction. The look on Jasper's face was one of shock, before his nose crinkled in distaste. I knew right then that she had him, and by late evening, he was dancing with Alice and my baby girl with a giant grin on his face.

I danced with my new brothers, as well as my new father-in-law, but Edward never strayed far. He would come and collect me long before the song was over.

When it was finally time to take Grace back to the hotel to deliver her back to Jacob, Grace was sound asleep in my arms, her warmth and sleep talking bringing a smile to my face.

Jacob opened the door to the suite, looking sluggish, like we'd woken him from a deep sleep. "Hey," he greeted me, opening the door wide enough for us to walk through without disturbing Grace.

Edward waited by the door. I held her for a few more minutes and then laid her down in her bed, removing her shoes and jewelry. I slipped the pieces into their box, and then handed the box to Jacob. I'd text him later to let him know they weren't costume, so they'd be well care for. I didn't want to see his face when he learned this information.

"Well, thank you for taking the time to come here and make things so easy for us. It was a wonderful day," I casually mentioned to Jacob.

"Wow, Bella, you really look beautiful," Jacob replied from the doorway of Grace's room. I turned to look at him.

The same sixteen year-old that I had looked to for support, fallen in love with, and looked at as my best friend was staring back at me. He may have aged ten years (maybe more with all that he'd been through), but _my_ Jacob was standing before me. I rushed to where he was standing and hugged him. I wasn't surprised that he hugged me back; rather, I was surprised that he was so relaxed. He didn't stiffen when he put his arms around me, didn't tense when he felt my cold, hard body. He hugged me with a ferociousness that made me understand that I had an ally in him again. The thought brought a lump to my throat.

Just then, I heard a small cry come from Grace's bed. I rushed back to her, and realized that she was stirring in her sleep. Jacob stepped past me and smoothed her hair, which immediately sent her back to dreamland.

Realizing that Edward was now directly behind me, I turned to him. He smiled at me softly. "Bella, we don't have to leave for our honeymoon right now. We can just stay put and you can spend more time with Grace. We'll go this fall on a proper honeymoon when she's back in school full-time. How does that sound?" He drew those calming circles on my hand just like he had all those years ago.

To say I wasn't tempted would have been an outright lie. But Edward had been so patient, so loving – I wouldn't have Grace back had he not intervened. Could he be this selfless?

"Bella, she's okay. She gets this way when she's had an exciting or tiring day. She'll be back to her normal self tomorrow. You should go," Jake offered.

My heart was torn. I looked from Edward, to Jake, to my tiny miracle lying in her bed, now at peace and enjoying her dreams, her face briefly morphing into a smile while she slumbered.

"She's dreaming about dancing." Edward commented. We all smiled toward her.

"Um…" I said noncommittally.

"Bells," Jake interjected, "how about this? You and Edward go. You'll be gone what? Two weeks?"

Edward shook his head.

"Three?" he offered again, while his eyes widened.

I could see the imperceptible nod that Edward gave him, that annoying guy nod that men sometimes use to communicate.

"Okay – three weeks. How about when you get back, we find some time for you to spend with her this summer, just as soon as you are ready," Jake suggested.

"You'd let me keep her for a few weeks?" I questioned. _I wasn't going to tell him I was hoping for the rest of the summer…_

"Sure. I'll miss her like crazy, but she'll be stoked to spend some time with you."

I rushed forward and hugged him again. I pulled back and looked him over. "Are you

sure?"

He nodded with a trademark Jacob grin on his face, "Sure, sure."

"Thank you," I breathed.

"Now get out of here," he chastised.

"You heard the man," Edward joked, while he pulled me by the waist toward the door.

We were off to be alone together, to finally be truly together as man and wife and start our lives. We'd never be separated again.

Edward couldn't keep his hands off of me as we exited Jake's suite and made our way to the elevator, both of us excited, giggling like teenagers, until we jumped into the Volvo. Edward sped off into the ever darkening night, his hand on my knee and his love in my heart.


	58. Author's Note - EPILOGUE COMPLETE

Hello!

For those of you who still care, do I have a surprise for you!

Sacrifices is FINISHED! But I do have a twist…

Fandom for Leukemia & Lymphoma asked me to submit a piece for their charity fundraiser event. I was originally going to do an outtake, but I thought about it and decided the EPILOGUE would be a better project.

It's simple – make a small donation and you can read the epilogue sometime in September.

Google: **Fandom for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society** (the site won't let me post the link)

It's a great cause and I myself recently had a dear friend whose oldest child was diagnosed with a very rare but treatable form of leukemia.

If you're not interested that's okay. But I've made the commitment to not publish it until December on .

Thanks for the wild ride! I've appreciated the support and encouragement…I wish you all the best!


	59. Chapter 59: Epilogue

So...this is it. It's been an insane amount of time coming, but I thought it was high time to publish the epilogue. Thank you to those that supported me and were patient - encouraging and fabulously generous with reviews and PM's. I don't think I would have gone through with finishing this entire thing to the end...to those that contributed to the charity months ago, thank you.

It's been a wonderful ride!

Without much further adu...the epilogue. And please don't be upset that the honeymoon isn't done in graphic detail - this is a T Rated fic and I have many young readers.

Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

I own nothing…this fabulous world and everything in it belongs to the very talented Stephenie Meyer…I do however, own this particular story…whatever that means!

Epilogue

The honeymoon…well, the honeymoon was wonderful. Beyond wonderful. Edward and I were finally bound together in an inseparable and tangible way. Even if I hadn't been blessed with a photographic memory in this new life, where I could easily flip through the many experiences of this existence, I would never forget the days that stretched into long nights. The affectionate way Edward tended to me – the moments of patience mingled with feverish touching and loving, would forever be part of my cognizant being.

Every part of my body responded. But Edward knew me better than I knew myself so just two weeks into our getaway, he started dropping hints about going home so "we" could see Grace. I knew he was saying in his own special way that he would be completely at ease with returning early. After a few days of me insisting I was okay with waiting, he solidified things for me.

"Bella," he whispered between kisses, his fingers caressing the back of my neck, "the summer will be over before you know it. Now would be a perfect time to have her with us." He purred. "Let's pick her up on the way home and then we can plan some things to make her visit exciting." Little shivers of thrill ran down my spine with his fingers as they continued to work their magic on my back. My mind raced with the possibilities until his kisses and hands on me had my mind wandering to other places…

I finally acquiesced because I was actually missing Grace fiercely and by the next morning Edward and I were on our way to Seattle to collect her from Jake. She was as happy to see me as I was to see her. Edward brought her some souvenirs from our travels. He took great delight in showing her, while Jake and I solidified plans for her stay.

"Bella, she's talked about you and the Cullens nonstop," he teased.

I smiled. "They adore her you know."

Try as he might, Jake couldn't help but smile. "They aren't your usual sort of bloods-," he coughed and tried again, "family." His face look pained from the effort it took to get the word out, but his eyes were full of mirth.

We were both laughing when Grace came running to her dad to show him all the gifts we'd brought her. Jake arched an eyebrow, surveying her new loot, his head shaking in realization that the spoiling had continued.

"I'll talk to everyone about it, just like I promised I would," I offered meekly.

Jake nodded his head and scooped Grace up to give her a tight squeeze and whispering in her ear how much he loved her and to be a good girl for "Mommy". She hugged him back as tightly as she could and reassured him that she would miss him too.

The summer was wonderful. I couldn't remember ever feeling so completely and thoroughly happy. Grace stayed with us most of July and then Edward and I returned her to Jake and moved ourselves to Seattle, where we could see her every week. The summer went by far too quickly and, suddenly, it was time for the standard ritual of back to school shopping, schedules and normalcy. Alice respectfully requested to send her some school clothes, which I allowed, given they weren't extravagant or more than she would need.

Alice sent her two darling outfits, one in lavender with a sweater to match when the weather turned even colder than it already was that September. The other was something I was quite certain she bought under duress – sparkly, ruffly and as she might call it, gauche. But I think she knew that Grace would love it, which she did. She wore it for the first day of classes, vowing to wear it again for school pictures. She would have worn it every day and to bed too if Mommy Megan hadn't the great idea to call Alice to explain that a true fashionista would never wear the same outfit two days in a row.

We returned to our normal habits – video conferencing, telephone calls and frequent visits. It was never the same as having her full-time, but we adjusted. We made excellent use of our alone time. We hunted in beautiful, scenic places. We ran and laughed and enjoyed each other every day.

But with me being Bella, there came a time when not everything in our lives was happy…

Alice began having vague, almost misty visions of me in a sunny destination. It wasn't long before Jake called to let me know that Renee's time was running out. He considered taking Grace to see her, and finally decided to fly her out for quick weekend visit to say goodbye.

"Bella," Edward whispered as I hung up the phone, "you should go too."

I turned my head toward him in complete surprise. "Me? I can't go."

He pursed his lips. "Maybe we could arrange things, give you a chance to say your goodbyes too." He looked at me intently, not blinking, waiting for a response.

I shook my head. "Edward, she thinks I'm already dead. This would only upset her."

Edward shook his head, slowly, with purpose. "Think about it. Make a decision to go. Maybe Alice will get a vision, and it will help you decide. You can't watch her from afar after it's over. It's now or never."

I couldn't argue with that. I forcefully decided to go, and I heard her softly reply in a quiet, reverent voice from the other room, "It could work, Bella. We can help by standing guard. We'll slip in at night, find a diversion for Phil, and you can have a little time with her."

"And what if she talks after I've gone? That would stir suspicion, wouldn't it?" I argued without much conviction. To say I wasn't intrigued by the proposition would have been an understatement. I wanted to do this desperately.

Jasper appeared at that moment, casually holding Alice's hand as they entered. I tried to block my true feelings, but the look in Jasper's eyes told me I was too late.

"She really wants to go," he spoke with a wry smile turning up the corners of his mouth.

So it was decided. Alice, Edward and I caught the first flight to Florida the next day. Although it was late fall, Florida taunted us with its ubiquitously sunny days forcing us to travel under the safety of darkness.

It was just about dusk when we created the diversion intended to draw Phil away from her hospital room for awhile. We'd "broken in" to their home and a neighbor called Phil, alerting him to the intrusion. We did very little damage – only breaking a window and door lock. But between filing a report and dealing with insurance, we knew I'd have some time with Renee.

Her body was so frail and still in the bed. Even living full-time in the sunshine, her skin had a sickly pallor that made my breath catch in my throat when I focused my full attention on her. My keen eyesight observed every flake of dry dehydrated skin and every uncharacteristic line in her weary face. I felt Edward's hand snake around my waist, drawing me to him as he placed a kiss on the top of my head. He could see the drastic changes in her too. Edward checked her chart, "She isn't in any pain. They're making her as comfortable as possible. Don't worry about wearing her out, the medication is what's making her tired." He stood by her side looking at her tenderly.

"Her dreams are peaceful. She's sitting by the water, smiling and soaking in the sunshine," he spoke quietly. He paused and then smiled my favorite smile. "Now she is thinking about you being there with her," he whispered.

With one final squeeze and a promise that he would be standing lookout in the hallway, he left me alone with my mother. Alice whispered from the hall, "You have plenty of time."

I touched her hand lightly, my cold touch causing her stir in her sleep.

"Hi, Mom," I choked out emotionally, hoping that my involuntary sadness wouldnt be so obvious to her in her drowsy state.

I stood there for a moment, her hand in mine, thinking back on the memories I still had of her. Her eyes fluttered open and after taking a moment to focus, she spotted me standing by her bed. She smiled.

"I must be dreaming, Bella. But you're a sight for sore eyes," she chuckled softly.

"Dreams can be a good thing, Mom," I said, smiling at her.

"Are you really here?" she whispered hopefully.

"Yes, Mom. I'm here. I thought you might like a little company," I added lightly.

"You're more beautiful than I remember," She said wistfully. "But your hand is so cold. Turn down the air conditioning," she instructed in the maternal voice she had used so rarely when I was a child.

"It's okay, Mom. I'll warm up after a while."

Her brow creased and then her smile took on a bemused quality. "I just saw Grace – so much like you. I should have seen her more after you – "she stopped, gripping my hand tighter and focusing her eyes on me intently. Then just as quickly as it had left, her smiled returned and she shook her head softly. "You would be so proud of her, Bella baby," she commented. Her eyes lost their focus and her breathing was slightly labored. I gripped her hand as humanly as I could.

"Are you comfortable, Mom?" I whispered. I prayed that the answer she gave me was one I could live with.

"Oh yes, Bella. The doctors take good care of me and Phil," she looked around, her smile becoming a frown.

"Phil will be back. He just needed to run home for a minute. I'll stay with you until he returns," I reassured her. Her face visibly relaxed.

We talked back and forth. She sometimes drifted off for a minute, but then she would coherently search and ask for reassurance that I was really there.

I heard Edward whisper to me. "Bella, you have about five minutes. I'm sorry it's not longer."

I gazed at my mother, knowing this would be the last time I would hear her voice, touch her hand, see her smile. "It's time for me go now, Mom."

Her smile faded. "Bella, do you have to?"

"Yes, Mom, but Phil will be here soon and you won't be alone." I struggled to keep my voice calm and even.

"Bella, what happened to you? Where did you go? " my mom asked softly.

I told her the truth – or a version of it. "I never really left, Mom. But I missed you," I choked, "every single day."

She nodded groggily. "Are you happy?" She looked at me, expectantly waiting for an answer – good or bad.

"Very. I can promise you that I am very well cared for and so happy," I responded.

"Good. Will I see you again?" she asked, her lids becoming heavy. I had started to turn up her IV, the way Edward had shown me. He thought if she was asleep when Phil returned, that they would assume she had dreamt of me.

I lied. "Of course. I'm always here if you need me, Mom."

"I love you, Bella. I've missed you so much." Tiny tears streamed from her eyes. "I'm so tired," she cried softly.

"I love you, too, Mom. Just sleep. You'll feel better," I responded and then I bent swiftly to kiss her goodbye. She'd already fallen asleep.

I swept out of the room into Edward's waiting arms. Edward and I made a quick, unnoticed getaway. I silently and tearlessly cried the entire trip back to the hotel. Edward held my hand and let me grieve the loss of my mother. Alice stayed behind to ensure that all went well after my visit.

Mom died a week later. There was no memorial – just cremation and Phil scattering her ashes in the ocean. Edward, Alice and I watched from a boat offshore. My grief lasted months. Years really.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jake and I did a reasonably good job juggling Grace. There was no doubt in her mind that she was well loved. The years passed quickly, Grace growing from a precocious child into a pre-teen. It was then that I was faced with an incredibly difficult choice.

Grace was well aware of her father's lineage. She'd seen the wolves and understood the Quileute history was not just legend. She also knew that what her mother had become – that had been an odd conversation. But she eventually accepted it and we went about our lives as usual. Jake and I argued about this choice, but I finally won the fight – though saying I won was not exactly a good thing.

"What do you mean I can't come to see you this summer?" Grace questioned.

"Grace, I should have been more upfront about this last year. I just didn't know how to tell you," I answered with firmness, determined not to let her see just how much this was killing me.

"So when do I get to see you again?" Her tone was insistent.

"Grace, honey, it's not that simple." I could already feel my resolve fading.

"Mom, I don't get it." She looked at me like she could read me like a book. She knew I was wavering. I couldn't fight her. Being without her in her younger years had been so painful. I need her to cooperate. I needed her to understand.

So I went into detail, explaining how we would have to take a break from seeing each other. I explained how her Dad felt when he'd become a werewolf because of all the vampires living in the area for so long. I told her some of the memories I had retained about the first months after he phased. I couldn't bear that legacy for her – she deserved to have a life free of destiny – except the one that she chose for herself. I had experienced having my choices taken from me that fateful night at the school and I didn't want her to have to deal with anything remotely that difficult.

There'd been no vampires in the Olympic Peninsula for several years (with the exception of us and we never left the Seattle area). The tribal children had stopped phasing and, although the pack was huge, the numbers had not increased. I was not about to be responsible for adding to the size of the pack, or worse, being responsible for my own daughter walking into that new "life".

Grace sobbed when she finally realized it would be some time before I could physically be with her again. She wasn't fighting me anymore, but it was painful to understand that this had to be reality. Jake and I thought if I waited until she was twenty, we might have a chance for her to be a plain old human. But that was eight years away.

Grace cried to me on the phone daily and even video conferencing was a challenge after a while. It just wasn't the same. We missed each other. We needed each other. Edward never argued with me about my choice, but I know he thought I was being very over-protective. That was rich, coming from the man who invented the concept.

Alice was furious with me, but never challenged my choice. She loved Grace and missed her, so she called often and would "pop in" when I was talking to her online.

My self-imposed separation lasted eighteen months. I got a frantic call from Jake that Grace was in a car accident and had to be air-lifted to the closest trauma center for care. She was in the ICU with multiple injuries. (Alice was furious with herself for not seeing Grace in danger, but Grace was with pack members when it happened. She was blind to what was coming and even though I reminded her of that, she blamed herself for years.) I wouldn't even let Jake finish his sentence before I demanded to know where she was. Edward and I drove down the Seattle freeways at such a breakneck speed, even I was amazed to reach the hospital with the car intact. I think Edward broke his own record for speeding on that drive. Jake met us at the front door.

"Just get me there," I begged. Jake led the way.

Grace was tall for her age, but her body looked frail and weak in the bed. My memories flashed back to Renee before she died and how similar the two now looked. Grace wasn't even breathing on her own. For a fleeting moment, I wondered if it would have been better for her to be a werewolf so she would heal quickly, but I quickly dismissed that thought and crossed the room and called her name. Her eyes fluttered open and she saw me standing next to her bed. She started to softly cry.

"Momma's here," I answered brushing a stray hair from her forehead.

She improved dramatically over the next few days and I grappled with leaving again.

"Bella, it's obvious that your presence is improving her condition. You can't leave now," he argued.

"She'll improve whether I'm here or not," I responded, though my voice betrayed my own reasoning.

Edward cocked an eyebrow at me. "You don't really believe that." He cupped my face, dazzling me, but I shook him off.

"We've been through all this. I can't risk it," I argued back.

"And I can't risk having a wife I love regretting her decision for eternity if Grace takes a turn for the worse." His soft smile nudged my aching heart.

And that was the end of our separation.

Carlisle consulted with the doctors and, although she was expected to make a full recovery, she would need some pretty extensive therapy to get her back to where she'd been. The entire family relocated to Seattle from the east coast. Edward and I took turns with Jake and Megan caring for Grace and helping her fight her way back to the healthy teenager she'd been before.

Miraculously, Grace never did phase. Carlisle thought it might be because she and I shared DNA. Emmett said that it was because she was just as stubborn as I was. Megan thought it was because our coven and their pack were no longer hostile enemies. I was just so grateful that she would have choices in her life. She was human and had her entire life ahead of her. Now I understood Edward's desire to keep me human much more intimately – and that wish would be fulfilled in my daughter.

But not everything was rosy. As Grace grew older, we had parental issues – Jake, myself and Edward. Jake eventually came to respect Edward, though it wasn't without a Herculean effort. Jake always had a forgiving and understanding heart. He actually grew fond of Esme and the way she was a true Grandmother to Grace. They had a quiet understanding and Esme extended her motherly ways to Jake just as she had to other "children". The alliance between vampire coven and werewolf eventually grew strong and more stable, all because of one little girl.

Grace and I were especially close. She never did divulge the secret of me – not even to others in the pack. I think the secret keeping may have been difficult on her, but she never let on. I know she made sacrifices to spend time with me and the rest of the Cullens, but she wasn't one to fuss. I can't even begin to count the times I encouraged her to stay in LaPush to spend time with her friends, only to have her push that suggestion aside to see me on our weekends or holidays. Many times I insisted and she would give in. She was adult long before the baby face and girly fascination of glitter and pink gave way to more mature pursuits.

Edward and Jake sometimes didn't see eye to eye on raising Grace. Edward considered himself Grace's father – not on the same par as Jake, of course, but he was just as invested in her well-being and loved her with a fierceness that reminded me of his protectiveness when it came to me in the early days.

Especially humorous, now that many years have passed, was on Grace's 16th birthday. Being the car aficionado that Edward is, he took great care in selecting a "first" car for Grace – without consulting me. He had done some "research" and considered this something a father would do for his child. The only problem was he hadn't really considered Jake's reaction to such an extravagant gift.

The "first" car for Grace he selected? A top of the line Volvo, complete with state of the art sound system and every safety feature available, as well as a few that Rosalie added before the car was shipped to La Push, complete with a big ole' lavender bow tied to the top of it.

Grace was ecstatic – Jake, not so much.

"Bella," he nearly barked in the phone, "did he ever stop to think that maybe I wanted to give her a car? Was that even on his radar? And this car is beyond extravagant. It's nicer than any other car on the reservation, including mine. What the hell was he thinking?"

When I spoke with Edward, his response surprised me. He was contrite, but when I asked him why he chose such an expensive car for a first time driver, I nearly doubled over in laughter.

"She's your daughter, Bella. She's _our_ daughter. Safety is at the top of my list when it comes to her. And as for the extravagance as you call it," he continued, rolling his eyes, "it's used. How extravagant can a used car be? _Really?_" He nearly rolled his eyes in exasperation.

Like I said, that made me laugh. I'll admit it.

The three of us agreed that from that day on we would discuss all "large" purchases for her. Jake took the higher road and let Grace keep the car, with the understanding that such extravagant gifts would not be the norm, but rather the exception. Jake explained away the expense saying that they used part of Grace's trust to help her purchase her first vehicle.

We were a lot more careful after that. I always knew that Edward was generous, extravagant even, in his gifts. Yet, they were always meaningful. I found out years later about how he helped Ben Cheney and Angela get together – and how they ended up married with two little ones of their own. Emmett let me in on that little secret.

What I wasn't prepared for was something Alice revealed to me a few years after Edward and I married and the entire family moved to a new destination.

We were unpacking, which with vampires can take very little time. However, in this case, it was Alice's wardrobe, so we moved at a much more human pace.

Alice chuckled, shaking her head. "Edward. That is so like you."

Now, Edward was nowhere in the general vicinity. He and the boys had gone to pick up the furniture in storage that the family had shipped from destinations unknown.

"Alice?"

She looked at me with innocent eyes, and I realized she'd revealed something not meant for me to know.

"Bella?" she questioned back as if she had no idea what I was asking.

I looked at her pointedly, my brows lifting, waiting for an answer. I was as stubborn as she was persistent.

Finally, her smooth face erupted in laughter. "Edward won't be happy, but I think you should be aware how Edward is always working on 'projects'." Her air quotes doubly peaked my interest.

Alice went on, seemingly without taking a breath, to tell me all about my husband's latest interest.

.

"So, he contacted an investigator. It seems that they got married and are already expecting their first little one," she continued.

_They_ were John Riley and Terri, the twosome that been part of that whole debacle when I was still teaching at the university. He'd "helped" them with a house and "found" them "scholarships" so they could continue school and not accrue any additional debt – all through one of the company fronts the Cullens used to do large transactions .

When Edward returned to the house, I intercepted him and took him to our room and spent the afternoon making love. He looked confused but never suspected I knew a thing, especially since I blocked Alice's thoughts from him.

Eventually, Grace finished high school and entered college. She'd also fallen in love.

With the last person I wanted her to…

Sam Uley's son, Michael, was a classmate of Grace throughout high school. He was a few months older than her – good looking, polite, strong and smart. As she'd gotten older, Grace went from calling him "annoying" to a "friend" – to someone who took her on her first date. I tried to not panic and assured myself that when she left the Reservation for college, her tastes would change and she'd move on with someone else.

Boy, was I wrong.

She entered college, thinking she wanted to be a teacher, until she took a class in advanced biology. She was smitten and changed her degree course to biomedical engineering. Carlisle was thrilled and helped her through projects, never giving her the answers but gently nudging her in the right direction.

Michael followed her to college, after finishing his associate degree. When I saw them together, which was rare as I was keeping my distance as much as I could to keep a non-family member from phasing, I knew they were in it for the long haul. After begging and pleading her case, Grace convinced me to get to know him better. Michael was sweet and I could see her attraction to him. I knew it was only a matter of time.

Michael asked Jake's permission for his daughter's hand, before following up with Edward over the phone. Jake was pleased at the match and knew that his little girl would be taken care of. Edward was a bit overwhelmed to be considered enough to be included in the rite of permission. As far as I was concerned, I just smiled and hugged my baby girl when she showed me the ring and asked for help in planning her big day.

She married in the little chapel between Forks and the Reservation, but sadly I couldn't attend. With the exception of Jake and the pack, everyone knew me to be dead. There was no way I could sit up front and watch my little girl and soon to be son-in-law exchange their vows. Grace was saddened, but I convinced her that this was the right thing to do – most of her real life was here and I wanted her to have the fairy tale. She said it wouldn't be the same and didn't speak to me for days.

Jake intervened and came up with a plan. I would attend the wedding, but would slip in right before the service. Edward wasn't thrilled about me being alone with a bunch of werewolves, but I think he was more disappointed about not seeing and walking Grace down the aisle.

Jake begrudgingly allowed us both to attend and Alice got to work on planning a second, simpler ceremony for the Cullens to celebrate. Again, compromise helped everyone celebrate this next step in Grace's life.

After being married for four years, Grace and Michael started their Master's programs. While traveling abroad during a summer break, Michael fell during a mountain climbing expedition. He lingered in the hospital for three days, but even Carlisle knew there was no hope. He quietly passed away, Grace holding him in his bed, while she cried silently. My heart broke for her. And she was never the same.

Grace finished graduate school and lived with us for a while. Living near her memories of Michael was too difficult, but in time, she got back to a routine.

"Grace, it wouldn't kill you to go to the social mixer," I chided, holding the information in my hand.

Grace smiled a sad little grin, "Mom, I had Michael. I had the best. I miss him." Her sad face pleaded with me to let it go.

I let the pamphlet float into the trash.

Grace became a very successful and productive engineer. She lived all over the country, sometimes internationally, working on projects. Carlisle and Edward were generous, providing research money when needed, without letting Grace know. We still saw her monthly and talked on the phone almost every day. She had a great group of friends and flew home to the Reservation every few months to check in on her dad.

Our relationship had become more human. Edward and I weren't attending college or high school anywhere. We found it was easier to be available for Grace if we were more liquid in our day to day schedules – but we stayed busy. We traveled, spent time with the family, and worked behind the scenes on charitable causes.

Jake died when he was 87. Meghan had died from a stroke a year earlier. Edward could tell from his thoughts that he was giving up. He became more like a shell than the robust Jacob I'd spent so much time with. And I didn't need to be a mind reader to see how lost he was without her. Edward set up round the clock nursing care at the end, making sure he was comfortable. I was there with Grace and Matthew when he died and comforted them both. I waited until I was alone with Edward later – he held me while I grieved over the loss of my best friend.

Matthew became Chief – he and his wife had two children, who had both left the reservation to pursue careers. The numbers for the tribe were dwindling, but the old customs and traditions continued on.

Grace retired when she was seventy. She spent some years traveling – sometimes we joined her, but mostly she was adventurous and did things on her own. She sent us postcards and would sometimes fly in and surprise us. Usually, Alice let us know she was on her way. Sometimes, Alice let us enjoy the excitement of an unexpected visit from our girl.

When Grace passed my human age, as I noticed every wrinkle, every tiny strand of white hair stand out against her black mane, my stomach would clench. It would remind me that I wouldn't have her forever.

"Does it bother you?" I asked her one day and then immediately wished I could take it back.

"Does what bother me?" she answered. She didn't look up from the newspaper.

I cleared my throat before answering. "That I'm not aging."

Grace looked up from her paper, before folding back the open pages toward herself. "Are you saying I need to hit the salon?" she joked before winking. I caught Jacob's playful smile in her eyes.

But I still gave her that exasperated Mother look. "So it doesn't bother you that instead of looking like your mother, I'll eventually look like your daughter."

Grace pursed her lips. "Mom, I don't care how either of us looks. I'm just grateful to have you. Wanna see a movie?" She went back to reading the Times.

I forced a smile, but my non-beating heart still clutched in fear every time I saw a new crow's feet or a white hair.

When Grace turned 90, we celebrated with a huge party. I thought about the horrible birthday party that Alice had thrown for me decades earlier, but this one was much lower key. Birthday cake, theater tickets and balloons…no glass or pesky presents that might cause mayhem.

Grace moved in with us not too long after that. She drove for a while, but you could see the slowing in her movements, how she had difficulty sleeping, and her sometimes forgetful nature.

Edward was relentless.

He would check on her several times every hour, and with Carlisle's help, outfitted the house with anything she might need, including medical equipment and medications. Over the next year, the family all moved back in together. We hadn't lived this way for some time and it took some adjusting being back under one roof. It did wonders for Grace. She loved to visit with Alice and Rosalie and still looked at Esme like a grandmother. The boys entertained her with wrestling or stories from the old days.

"Grace, are you up to eating?" I walked in with a tray of some of her favorites, hoping to entice her.

"Can we talk for a while?" she countered, but her voice was weary.

I took a shallow breath. "I think you should eat and then maybe after a nap, we can visit a while." I hoped my tone was firm.

She looked back at me, that mischievous look in her eye, while smiling. "Mom, I'm ninety-two. I think I'm finally old enough to make my own decisions," she teased.

I relented and compromised. "You eat and we can chat. Yes?" I asked.

It was like old times. We laughed and talked – about everything and nothing. She confided in me how much she still missed Michael, before a few silent tears fell. I cheered her, and turned the conversation to other topics until she finished some of her lunch and grew tired. She drifted off to sleep and I tucked her in, like I'd done countless times before. Her clarity elated me, but I also knew that many people would have this burst of energy – that it was normally followed with a serious decline or…

I wouldn't let myself finish the thought.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Bella, I think we should talk." Edward's tone was so quiet and somber I almost missed what he said.

I circled my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly before looking up into his golden stare. "What's wrong?"

What he said next unnerved me.

"Grace," he took a deep breath, "doesn't have long. Carlisle and I have talked and we don't agree, but he said it was a decision for us to make and he would respect whatever we decided."

"Decide what?" I queried.

"Grace may only have days left and I am putting the question and decision to you. Do you want me to change her?"

The breath in my lungs whooshed out of me. _Change her?_ I had only let my mind linger on that choice a few times during Grace's lifetime and the answer was simple.

"No."

"NO?" Edward repeated.

"No." My response was quiet. I unfurled my arms from around his waist. I turned my back on him, going back to put away the few groceries I'd picked up for Grace that afternoon.

I felt his hands pull my hair back, while he rubbed my shoulders. "Bella, she has days, maybe two weeks at the most left. I could change her. Carlisle said he wouldn't assist, but he would help me monitor her while the change was occurring. She would still look her age, but her illnesses and weakness would be gone. She would be strong again and we can all help her adjust to her new life. She could stay with you – with all of us – forever."

_Days?_ The thought made my throat catch, but I knew that changing her was not an option.

"No, Edward. She lived the life she was supposed to live. She's not meant to be like us – we weren't even meant to be like us. I can't change her."

As if on cue, Grace appeared in the doorway. Over the years, she'd asked me about my lifestyle, what the change had been like – had I missed not being able to sleep – what did I miss about being human?

She shuffled in with her walker. "Grace, you should not be out of bed," I chastised.

She waved me off. "I heard you two talking. Changing me?"

Edward nodded.

"Nope – that's not for me."

Edward looked sad, but determined. "We've seen so much in our lifetime. Wouldn't you like more time?" He posed the question to her and his confidence in his suggestion looked overwhelming.

"No. I lived a great life with an amazing family. And I miss Michael," she trailed off with a soft sob. Edward lifted her while she started to cry and carried her back to bed.

The next few days were spent at a vigil around Grace, all of us sitting with her talking as she started to slip away. Edward and Carlisle monitored her vitals, making sure she was hydrated and comfortable

Grace was two weeks shy of her ninety-third birthday when she slipped from this world into the next. I held her warm hand in my cold one and heard the last beat that her heart would make. The entire family, sans Edward, gave me her last moments alone. I gently climbed in next to her, holding her until Edward turned off all the machines, tidying the makeshift hospital room in our home.

We called the funeral home and Jasper dealt with the paperwork. We honored her wishes and had her cremated – then had her urn buried next to her Michael.

I went through the motions and prepped her for her final resting place, quiet but determined to make good on the promises I'd made to her when she was still alive.

After the funeral, the family came back to the house, somber and quiet. The house was empty, even with all eight of us there. I went straight to our room and lay down.

I stayed there for almost six months.

At first Edward gave way to my grief. He spent hours in the room with me, leaving to feed and rushing back to my side. He would talk to me, but I never responded. He would bring me fresh animal blood, but I refused it. He would touch me, but I wouldn't respond. This went on, but his patience didn't wane.

For a while.

After a few months of near-comatose Bella, Edward tried to force me to leave the room. He picked me up and ran with me out to the woods, hoping to entice me to feed and enjoy the fresh air. Once he put me down, I walked back to the house. Sometimes it took hours and after several attempts he stopped trying.

Every member of the family talked to me. Alice threatened, Rosalie dared, Emmett tried to cajole and Jasper tried to reason. Carlisle and Esme would visit and hold my hand and talk to me – of all of family members, they had more understanding of what it might be like to lose a child. They encouraged me and let me know they were here when I needed them.

Finally, after months of not speaking, Edward came into our room. I could feel the anger coming off of him, but I was too full of sadness to respond.

"So, this is it? Forever? I have to live with a wife that I would give my very life for, but would rather just waste away? Have you seen your skin, Bella? You know I would love you no matter what, but from lying there not feeding, you're skin is starting to look ashy - like the Volturi, Carlisle said. And the shadows around your eyes aren't shadows – they're two black holes. You look like a stranger. And don't forget - a hungry vampire – and that's what you are, Bella – is dangerous."

I summoned enough power to turn over and lift my eyes to look at him. My handsome Edward – the same copper-like hair, the wiry frame, the beautiful eyes and strong jaw line, but today, his features were angry. Oddly, I found myself attracted to his lips, wishing I could rouse myself enough to hold and kiss him.

I hadn't realized how weak I'd become. When had I fed last? How long had I laid here?

Edward knelt down in front of me, his strong fingers tracing my lips. "Please? If not for yourself, for me? I miss you. I need you. The family needs you."

The weakness overtook me again and my eyes drifted shut involuntarily. I was so weak I thought I might just be able to sleep after almost a century of being forever awake.

I sensed Edward stand, could hear the stone skin over his knuckles creak. He walked back around the bed and stopped at the door. "I love you, but I won't sit here and watch you fade away from me more every day. I should have changed her – you might have been furious with me, but you wouldn't be wasting away in front of my very eyes." He opened the door and stormed out, slamming the door so hard I heard the crack through the wood of the frame and the windows vibrate to the point of breaking.

I could hear him brush off Esme, his feet almost flying over the grass into the forest.

What was I doing? I had wanted Grace to have her life, to be happy, to experience everything that this world had to offer. I had protected her, fought for her and now what? Because she was gone, I was going to waste away? I was going to lose everything I had with my family because I was feeling sorry for myself.

That was it. I was so consumed in my misery and pain; I never once considered that I wasn't the only one suffering. I hear Alice cry at night and Emmett flip through the photo albums of pictures, while he and Rosalie talked about their memories of her. Every morning when Edward left our bed, his finger would trace her face in the photograph that we'd had taken at our wedding.

I was selfish and making everyone pay for my grief.

I forced myself up on my elbows, though the effort nearly crippled me. I slipped one foot off the bed and had to push the other off before I could stand. During my efforts, I nearly toppled back onto the bed before I felt Esme's hands steady me and help me stand. She handed me a warm glass of red liquid which I gulped greedily. It wasn't much, but it made my senses come alive.

She put a hand to my face. "Welcome back, my sweet girl."

Managing a smile back at her, I ran toward the open window in our room and effortlessly jumped to the ground. Emmett grinned in my direction, while Rosalie pushed her way out from under the Volvo, her flawless face streaked in oil.

"Well, welcome back little sis. He went…" Emmett offered.

I didn't wait for him to finish his sentence. I used what little energy I had left, blocking my scent and running as fast as I could in Edward's direction. The effort made me weak, but my desire to see Edward was stronger. I ran up on him hunting, about to pounce a large pack of elk. Vaulting toward him, I readied myself to tell him how sorry I was and how much I missed him, when I caught the scent of the largest elk in the pack.

I flew right past Edward, sinking my teeth into the jugular of the poor beast, feeding so quickly that I could feel the blood soak the dress I'd been wearing for months. I didn't stop and drained two more of the herd before I felt strong arms around me. I dropped the carcass, turning around and facing my soul mate. The small smile on his face was worth the world to me. He kissed me gently, hugging me tightly to his chest.

"So, you're back?" Edward offered sheepishly. The underlying tone of uncertainty came through loud and clear.

I nodded, rushing to kiss him again. It was then I noticed how much blood I had smeared all over him, soiling his clothes and pale white skin.

"Sorry," I croaked, my voice unfamiliar to me, but made Edward hold me even more tightly. I brushed in vain at Edward's ruined shirt, willing the blood to disappear.

"I never thought I'd hear your voice again, my dear Bella," he breathed.

The elk had gone, but I was far from satiated. We hunted again quickly, before heading back to the house.

When we arrived, Alice had fresh clothes laid out for me and a bath for two. Edward washed me tenderly, scrubbing at my skin with a thick washcloth and rinsing me with hot water. There was nothing sexual in his ministrations – rather, he was caring for me with a tender awe that made my throat ache with emotion.

When we finally finished, we heard Carlisle summon us to the great room downstairs.

I was confused when I saw bags and every Cullen couple lined up together in unison.

"What's going on?" I asked, eager for an explanation.

"We're going to give you two some privacy," Alice offered. She left the uniform line and hugged me, kissing me deftly on the cheek.

"Welcome back, Bella," Rosalie offered. "I'm so glad you're okay."

The rest of the family assured me they were renting a house a few towns over and would be available should they be needed. They each hugged me before quietly gathering their belongings and heading out to their respective vehicles.

Edward and I went back to our bedroom and lay on the fresh sheets, chatting, kissing, touching, before a night of love making, apologies and promises for a new start.

Our days stretched one into another and we talked about all sorts of things. I had the courage to ask him about some of his "projects" as Alice had put it.

"So I helped Terri and John," Edward joked breezily. I kissed each of his fingertips.

"You told me yourself that you hated John Riley," I challenged.

"That is very true, but his actions pushed me to fight for you and for that I'll be forever grateful."

He offered more information of what had happened to some of my friends from my former life.

Mandy and Jack had a great, strong marriage. They had two beautiful children – twins – a boy and a girl, who got scholarships from a mysterious benefactor. And Mandy went on to be an award winning pastry chef in New Orleans. Edward anonymously helped them buy her dream home – by buying it first and selling it to her as a distressed property.

I had to hand it to him. He was smart and a true problem solver.

He also offered information about Jerry. He'd hired an agency to keep an eye on him so other women didn't suffer the same fate. He'd done six years in prison for assault, harassment, bribery, embezzlement and other miscellaneous infractions. He died three months after his release, his automobile crashing when he hit a patch of black ice.

It was odd to hear about people that had been such a large part of my life while I was hiding under the radar, but I was grateful for Edward's actions and generosity. I smiled a bit when I heard about Mandy getting her happily ever after and having a life she so richly deserved.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You know, it was meant to be," I offered.

Edward ran his fingers through my hair, before gently kissing me on the tip of my nose.

"You and me?" he replied.

"Well, yes, but more than that."

Edward sat up and helped me to a sitting position on the sofa, where we had been mindlessly watching a movie. "Tell me more," he implored, in between stolen kisses.

"You came to Forks. You left." He winced ever so slightly. "Stop, Edward. This is important – and you leaving is in the past, remember?"

He nodded, and took my hands, which encouraged me to go on.

"Jake and I fell in love. We married. We had Grace and then _she_," I steadied myself, "Victoria took her revenge. I became a vampire and thought I'd lost everything."

Edward didn't blink. He rubbed those familiar calming circles into my hand and I continued on.

"And then I ran back into you. Or rather, Alice ran right into me," I joked quietly. Things were becoming even clearer the more I thought through this.

Edward kissed my forehead. "One of the best nights of my life." He smiled at me and I indulged both of us with a kiss.

He broke away first, leaving me a bit breathless. "Go on," he encouraged.

"Those few months were awful, but they were meant to be. You brought Grace back to me and my life was complete. And even though Grace is gone, fate or destiny or whatever you want to call it had its day. You and I were meant to be together and we are, but more importantly, Grace had her human life. She experienced things, she went places, she contributed to this world – and she allowed me the best part…to participate."

"I see where you're going with this," Edward offered, wrapping me in his arms.

We continued to talk, reminiscing about our pasts and what we had to look forward to in our future. We decided it was time to be productive and that college as a young married couple might be interesting. A few minutes later, we heard car doors shut, one after another, heralding the return of our family, who we welcomed with open arms.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I'm fortunate to have the ability to remember every look, every conversation, every moment that I had with Grace. Sometimes when I missed her, I thumb through the photo albums and try to focus on all the good times we had together. Every sacrifice was worth it.

She loved me and I loved her.

And I had the love of every Cullen – especially Edward's, which made me feel like the most fortunate person in the world.

And really, when you really think about it, what's more important in this life than love?


End file.
